Title: Only One
By: KatyDid
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Inspired by Yellowcard's "Only One".

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Greg couldn't believe this day had finally come. After years and years of waiting and doubts mixed with insecurities while attempting to overcome various obstacles, they were had finally made it here. They had at last made it "real." His nerves seemed to be attacking his entire body causing him to shake uncontrollably, which was especially noticeable in his hands. He had learned to control the nervous twitch of his hands since the explosion, but every now and then his emotions were simply too overwhelmingly powerful for Greg to maintain a semblance of control. But that was all right for today. Because today was finally the day.

They had been through enough rough spots for each man to finally realize that neither was complete without the other. As Greg placed his hands around his lover's neck and the other man encircled his strong arms around his waist, the now level 3 CSI couldn't help but to remember the hardships that had inevitably brought them together.


Broken, this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

Staring at the suitcases all around him, he knew he had made what would turn out to be one of the most difficult decisions in his entire life. He had shared a life with his young lover for nearly four years, but it was all coming to an end on this stormy night. He didn't know what else to do. The two were at an impasse that would inevitably change the course of their lives. Should they stay together dancing a doomed number that would leave them both hurt in the end or was it better to rip the proverbial band aid off and deal with the initial sting? Either way, he had a feeling they would both end up hurt and melancholic.

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you, so you know

He simply couldn't believe that it was all ending like this. His dark eyes scanned their bedroom one more time trying to capture the feelings the two had shared here: the nights of passion that seemed to go on forever. The quiet whispers of love they had exchanged in the dark which had brought him a sense of home he had never thought he'd find.

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Placing the last of his belongings into his duffle bag, the doubts once again resurfaced. Was this really the right thing to do? Could either of them survive the repercussions? Could he live without his other half? His thoughts wandered as he questioned whether one could live without a heart. For he knew there would be nothing left of him once he stepped out of this door. Would he simply cease to exist? He couldn't return and he doubted that his younger lover would accept him back with open arms after all the hurt this would cause. That was if he even had the courage to stand up for himself—for them—and be the man he truly was, the man he hid from everyone. He loved the younger man with all his heart and the only thing that kept his feet and hands moving was the steadfast belief that he was doing the right thing for his lover.

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

He had lied. Often and repeatedly to the lab tech. Even now by running away he was yet again entrenched in another lie. He had told Greg it was his day off and that he would be leaving the following day for a conference in New York, not to return for two weeks. It wasn't true. He wasn't going to a conference and he wasn't ever coming back. They had said their goodbyes last night through several heated sessions of love. While Greg thought he was expressing feelings of love for his departing lover, the older man was in fact saying goodbye forever. Once he left, he knew he could never return. He owed Greg that much.

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

He was a coward—that much was for certain. He was giving up and throwing away their entire life due to his own fears and insecurities. He never knew self-hatred like he did at this very moment. Greg was his life, his soul mate and yet the two could never live the life Greg had imagined for them. Greg was justified in his wants and needs; he wanted the two of them to be a true bona fide couple, out and proud for the whole world to see. Greg was never ashamed of them, but the soulful brown-eyed man couldn't help but pull away whenever his sandy-blond boyfriend tried to touch him in even the most innocent of gestures in public. Worse than that, Greg wanted him to come out to his parents, a fate he viewed as worse than death. He had promised Greg he was in fact going to tell them the truth, but it was yet another lie. This was the end. The way it had to be, for the lab tech deserved the opportunity to move on and find someone who could love him the way Greg desperately not only yearned for, but deserved to be loved.

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Shaking his head, the man tried to clear his thoughts. The car was packed. The closet clear and the note written. With his plane ticket tucked firmly in his pocket, he repositioned his duffle bag on his shoulder and with a shaking hand, left the tear-stained note on the younger man's pillow. Walking towards the front door, the man passed various pictures adorned on the walls of the two in happier times. These most candid of moments showed the love emanating from their eyes. Stealing one last momento of his lover, he grabbed a framed picture of the two with their arms wrapped tightly around each other. Greg's head was inclined towards his as if the older man had a magnetic quality that Greg was unable to resist. They were happy. They were in love.

Here I go, so dishonestly
Leave a note, for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

The note that he placed upon the midnight blue pillowcase read as such:

Greg,

I know this shouldn't be done by a careless letter, but I also know that I'd never survive saying these things to your face. I don't think I'd ever get over the pain and anger that would surface on your beautiful features. I want to remember you just as you were last night—beautiful and in love with me. I so desperately want to apologize for all that I've done in the past to not only hurt you but also lead to this current decision; however, I know that I am unworthy of your forgiveness. I was selfish. There's nothing much to add to it. I wanted to keep both you and my family without ever having the two worlds meet. It's taken me more heartache than you'll ever know, but I've finally come to the conclusion that you deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone who will take care of you, who will walk hand-in-hand with you regardless of where they are. You deserve a partner who will take you home for the holidays, someone who will announce your love to the world. I can't give that to you. I can't come out to my family. I'm sorry for the lies, for leading you on thinking we could have a future with all those things you so badly deserve. I hope one day you can forgive me for my cowardice and find someone who will give you all that I couldn't.

Love Always,
Jeremy

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one


After Greg had arrived home to find the ‘dear john' letter left on his bedspread, he went into a heavy period of sadness and depression where he would blame himself for the demise of their relationship. At first, he had tried to contact Jeremy and beg him to return, that they could work it out. But Jeremy never returned any phone calls or letters the younger man had written. Looking back on it, Greg realized Jeremy had done him a service in allowing him the time to move on and heal. It had taken him months to come to terms with their break-up and learn from their mistakes; finally coming to the conclusion that maybe he had loved the idea of a relationship with Jeremy rather than Jeremy himself.

Following nearly a month of a heavy black cloud of solitude, Greg slowly began to emerge from his self-imposed shell of isolation. He began to depend heavily on his friends, in particularly on Nick. The older CSI had been Greg's shoulder to lean on, whether just to listen to Greg's upset ramblings or to hold him through the tears. Slowly, Greg had gotten over his doomed relationship with Jeremy and began to date again. It wasn't until nearly a year after the break-up that Nick had the courage to tell Greg how he felt….how he had always felt. It took a psychotic suspect to nearly fatally shoot Greg in the chest that would finally force his hand and push Nick into confessing his overwhelming feelings of love that he had harbored for years. Nick had explained how he watched in pain as Greg carried on a relationship with Jeremy—a relationship he knew would only hurt the former lab tech in the end. He expressed his heartache at watching Greg date man after man while Nick pined for him all the time thinking he'd never have the man of his dreams. No one was more shocked than Nick when Greg returned his once thought unrequited feelings. The two had a long road ahead of them especially when Nick discovered that Greg hadn't admitted to his own feelings because he feared that Nick would be just like Jeremy: unwilling to come out. It had taken Nick months to convince Greg of the contrary eventually culminating in a visit to his parents' ranch in Texas to prove to Greg he had in fact come out of the closet some years earlier. A few months after the embrace of the Stokes family, Nick proposed to Greg on the shores of Lake Mead. Sure, they couldn't be legally married, but a commitment ceremony would represent the same sentiment and the two would be joined together for life.

Currently, Greg began to twirl the ends of Nick's hair that rested at the nape of his neck, while leaning his forehead against the Texan's. He was ridiculously happy and felt the same warmth emanate from his partner's body. Life Partner. Husband. Significant Other. All those terms meant nothing at face value, but Greg smiled like a schoolgirl anytime he thought of them, because to him they all meant one thing: Nick. And with Nick, how could he be anything but happy? Looking directly into one another's eyes, the two continued to sway softly to the music while whispering sweet nothings of everlasting love meant only for the other to hear. The ceremony had been beautiful and the reception continued on in a similar manner. All their friends and family and coworkers were there to support the two men as they committed their lives and hearts to one another.

My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

As Jeremy stood back and watched his former lover mold his lithe body against his husband's, swaying in a slow sensual rhythm during the fifth up-tempo dance of the night, he knew he had made the right decision. Greg was on cloud nine; he had finally gotten his happily ever after. And although Jeremy would always regret the way things had ended, he found solace in the fact that Greg was now with his soul mate…his only one and while Greg may have been Jeremy's only one, Nick clearly was Greg's—his only one.

Finis

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