Title: Past Love
Author: CSI_Nightowl
Pairing: David/Nick
Rating: PG
Warnings: slash
Spoilers: none
Summary: Nick fears he's losing David.
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or its characters. If I did there'd be much more Nick, David and Greg screen time.
A/N: Please read and review. I love reviews! It's almost embarassing how happy they make me.

Nick ate his lunch and silently listened to David rant about the day shift techs. Although he was trying hard not to laugh, he couldn't help the smile that settled on his face.

"I'm serious." David scowled.

"I know you are but don't you think you're overreacting just a little?"

"Overreacting? Have you seen my lab? I can't work in there."

"It's their lab too." Nick said, earning him a glare. "It's just a few Thanksgiving decorations."

"There are turkeys everywhere!" David exclaimed. "How am I suppose to concentrate?"

"I didn't know turkeys affected you like this." Nick chuckled. "How long have you had this phobia of paper turkeys?"

"You're an idiot." David threw the rest of his lunch away. "If someone put turkeys all over your precious CSI kit you'd be…" He stopped cold and stared out into the hallway.

Nick followed his gaze. Grissom was talking to Sofia and another cop that he didn't recognized. However, the look on David's face said he did.

"Shit." David said under his breath as the trio made their way to the break room.

"Hi guys." Sofia smiled.

"Hi." Nick noticed David had turned his back to them.

"Want some coffee?" she asked the stranger.

"Sure."

"Guys, this is Joe Stevenson. He's riding with me till he gets use to Vegas." She explained as she poured the coffee. "Joe, this is Nick Stokes and David Hodges."

Nick watched the blood drain from the man's face as David turned around to face him.

"David!" Joe exclaimed in surprise.

"Hello Joe."

"The two of you know each other?" Sofia asked.

"We went to college together." Joe quickly answered.

Nick studied the two men's expressions. Joe was clearly uncomfortable in fact he had that deer in the headlights look. David, on the other hand, had a look on his face that Nick couldn't quite figure out. He wasn't really sure he wanted too either. It didn't take a CSI to know they had been more then college buddies.

"How have you been?" Joe asked as he shook David's hand.

"Good. You?"

"Can't complain."

"I've got to get back to work. Nick, I should have your results soon." he said as he left the room.

"Well, guess I'd better get to work too." Nick stood and shook Joe's hand. "Nice to meet you."

Nick made his way to the trace lab knowing full well that David didn't have any results for him. The tech looked up as he entered the lab.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?"

"When are you getting off?"

"In about an hour. Dave, about Stevenson…"

"Not here." David cut him off. "I should be finished in an hour. We can ride home together if you want."

"Of course I do."

"Good. See you then." David said dismissively.

"Okay." Nick tried to ignore the panicky feeling he was starting to get.

Nick spent the next hour doing paperwork and praying they didn't get another case before his shift was over. He forced himself to stay away from the trace lab, even though all he wanted to do was grab David and make him talk to him about Stevenson. He remembered David telling him he'd only be in love once before. He hadn't said much else except it was during college. God, what if it was Stevenson? Was he still in love with him? Nick shook his head. He couldn't lose David, could he?

"Hey, you ready?" David asked, startling Nick.

"Yeah."

David stared out the window as they drove home. The silence was killing Nick but everything he tried to say caught in his throat. The twenty minute drive seemed to take hours. As soon as they pulled in the driveway David jumped out and went into the house. That panicky feeling was getting stronger as Nick followed him into the house.

"I'm going to take a shower." David said.

"Want some company?"

"No."

Nick was too stunned by the response to do anything but stare as the bathroom door closed. Up until that moment he thought he was being paranoid. Now he didn't know what to think. He collapsed on the couch and waited for David to come and tear his world apart.

******

David finally emerged from the bathroom. "Sorry."

"About what?" Nick didn't really want to know.

"I just needed some time to think." David sat down beside him.

Nick couldn't stand it anymore. He had to know. "Are you leaving me?"

David stared at him. "What?"

"I'm not going to beg you to stay if you're in love with him."

"What?"

"You heard me, Dave. Just get it over with, okay?"

"Because I didn't feel like us showering together you think I'm leaving you?"

"You've barely spoken to me since you saw him."

"Nick, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Oh god. Stop. I don't want to hear it." Nick grabbed his keys and started for the door.

Somehow David got there first. "Would you let me explain?"

"Get out of the way, David."

"No. Listen to me, Nick. I am not going to leave you. I love you, no one else, just you."

"But you said you didn't mean to hurt me."

"By my silence. It never occurred to me you would think I was still in love with Joe."

"You're not?"

"No." David took his hand and led him back to the couch.

"But you were?"

"A long time ago." David sighed. "I met him in college. Joe was in the closet. I'm talking way back in the closet with the door locked and a chair shoved up against it."

"I can't picture you with someone like that."

"I was different back then." David shrugged. "I had just come out to my family. Dad said I was no longer his son; Mom said I was a disgrace to the family and I would go to hell. My sisters weren't quite so harsh but they didn't really understand. I became the Hodges' dirty little secret. I was politely informed that I wasn't invited to any family functions. Of course they told everybody I was too busy studying or working to attend."

"I'm sorry." Nick squeezed his hand.

"I guess that's why I went along with Joe when he insisted on hiding our relationship. In college it wasn't so bad. When my roommate quit school Joe asked to be moved to my room. It was natural, you know. We were close friends. Sharing a dorm room wasn't any big deal."

"So nobody suspected?"

David laughed bitterly. "Like I said Joe was in the closet. He flirted with every girl he saw and dated quite a few too."

"That didn't bother you?"

"I believed it was what I deserved. I was the shame of my family so why should Joe feel any different."

Nick shook his head. He had a hard time believing David would let someone treat him that way.

"When we graduated that's when the real problems started. I wanted to get an apartment together but he refused, said people would figure it out. Then he joined the force and everything just got worse. He was always out with other cops, drinking, picking up women, laughing at the fag jokes they would make. I started going to gay bars, not to pick up guys, just to be with people that I could be myself with. Joe hated it. He was afraid one of his buddies would see me coming out of the bar or something. I told him I'd stop going if he stopped going out without me."

"So what happened?"

"Neither of us stopped. Despite it all, I stayed. Hell, I'd probably still be with him if he hadn't broken it off."

Nick didn't like the sound of that.

"I don't love him anymore." He added when he felt Nick tense up. "Back then he was all I had, all I knew. I would have never been strong enough to walk away."

"But he did?"

David nodded. "He came to my apartment one night. He told me he couldn't be gay anymore. Likes it's a choice or something. Told me he was getting married, that he wanted things I could never give him."

"Bastard. You must have been devastated."

"I was. I dated other people over the years but never let anyone get close till I met you." David smiled. "In the four plus years we were together Joe never took me anyway. Occasionally we'd go out to a bar but it was as buddies and I'd have to watch him flirt with women. His family knew me as his college roommate; he never took me home with him. But you, you are so different. You take me out to dinner or a movie. You hold my hand in public and kiss me in front of your friends. You take me with you when you go to Texas. You're not ashamed to be with me. You'll never know how amazing that is to me."

"Anybody that would be ashamed of being with you is a fool. I'm only treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You're a good man, David. The fact you love me amazes me."

David scooted closer to Nick and leaned back against him.

"If Joe was openly gay now would you take him back?"

David let out an exaggerated sigh. "I told you I don't love him. I love you."

"I was lying earlier."

"About?"

"I would have begged you to stay."