Title: Perfect
Author: Read300300
Disclaimer: I don't own and no maliciousness is intended.
Summary: Sleep deprivation makes you do all sorts of things you'd never consider doing otherwise. Nick finds this out firsthand.
Warnings: Well, I'm not going to lie. This is a fairly weird story, as far as POV and thoughts go... Possible incoherency at times.
Response to: Telephone Challenge at ngchallenge Unbeta'd, as almost all of my work is.

Transfixed.

I never thought.. I mean, it's Greg! Greg, of all people, and, well, it's not like you've never thought about it before, but...

He's talking; there's nothing wrong with talking is there, Nicky? No, sir! Just talking.

Right, keep telling yourself that. He's just talking. Damn.. nobody has the right to look like that while they're talking on their cell phone. Nobody, not even him. It's as if he's.. He has to know what he looks like when he smiles like that, doesn't he? Oh, god, that tongue! And it's running over those lips.. he's perfect. Does he look like that when he's talking with me on the phone? I hope so.. God, he's so perfect, and you're a fucking nothing compared to him, Stokes. Nothing! Just some white trash faggot from Texas!

No, no, calm down. Breathe. Don't think about him. Don't let it show, remember? Never let it show. Never let anybody know. He can't know; nobody can! Don't you get it? You can be normal; just forget about this. Forget about him. Forget, Goddammit!

You've had every chance in the world to be normal. Remember? You could do it; all you have to do is go somewhere, anywhere... pick up a girl. Go to the Highball, find some nice blonde girl, forget about Greg, and just be normal! Blonde, always blonde because she was a brunette, remember? Of course you remember!

No! No, no, no! I don't want.. I mean, I want Greg. He's beautiful and he's perfect and he's here, god, he's here and maybe, just maybe..

You're a disgrace!

"Nick, are you okay? You're shaking."

Nononononoooo! Don't look at me like that! Just go back to your damn conversation with your little friend and leave me the fuck alone!

"I'm fine."

Oh God, now he's going to know something's wrong. Shit, Stokes! Could you have let your voice sound any worse? And now, you've upset him, obviously; he's hanging up on what was probably a half-way decent conversation with someone who can at least pretend to be normal so that he can deal with your problems. Way to go..

"How long has it been since you've slept?"

"Worked the past two shifts. I think.. or was it the past three?"

What's the point in lying?

"Look, Nick, maybe you should-"

And that's all it takes, isn't it? A few concerned words from a friend and you jump him? Fucking pathetic, Nick!

And.. oh, shit. Wasn't expecting that, wasn't expecting him to reciprocate.. Oh, man, he can kiss. God..

Okay, air. Air is a priority, remember? Living organism, air; logical, isn't it?

"Nick, what's wrong?"

And yes, something must be wrong because you're still shaking, only this time it's with love and lust and god only knows what else, and shit, he's too perfect for you..

"I.. you.. you have the most perfect lips." And wow, just to top off your idiocy, why don't you just go ahead and say something like that again?

His smile.. he has a beautiful smile.

"Why don't I give you a ride home and we can talk later, okay? Right now, I think you need some sleep."

Sleep? Yeah, sleep sounds good, and maybe this was for the best 'cause you can't deny it now, can you? Won't be able to deny it later, and that's good. Right? And maybe, just maybe, he won't care that you're not normal..

Mmmm... warm. Very warm. Smells great too.. What is that cologne? Eh, never mind. It just smells amazing. I can't get enough of it. I don't want to get up, just want to stay here with-

Oh, no! Who the hell- Okay, that is not my arm. Not MY arm. Oh, shit! It's not a girl's arm either. That is most definitely a guy. A guy? What the hell was I thinking? In bed with a guy? At least I still have all my clothes on, so nothing bad could have happened.

Just take a deep breath, Nicky. Just breathe.

Calm down; work through this! It's all going to be fine; nobody will know. Nobody has to ever find out; it's probably someone I'll never see again. That's good. Focus on that and on getting out of here. Just relax and move away slowly. Roll off the bed so it doesn't make as much noise. That's it; nobody will ever know that I was here and everything will go back to the way it was and I'll be normal.

Except that's.. Greg? Crap, Nicky, what did you do? What the hell did you do?

Think! Think! Where was I? What was I doing?

I remember I was at work and I was talking to Greg and he got a call and, oh shit, oh shit, I kissed him and.. I kissed him and he smiled and I got into his car and.. and I'm here.

And he knows. He's going to tell everyone what a fucking faggot I am and I'll get fired and then what the hell will I do? What will I do? I can't go back to Texas and I won't be able to find a job if I get fired and..

No, don't think about that. Think about.. shoes. Where are they? If I was Greg and Greg was me, where would I put his shoes? Well, if Greg was me, we wouldn't even be having this problem because God knows that he's smart enough to not do something as stupid as what I did! No, not going to think about that. Going to find my shoes.

There they are! Right next to you, idiot! Now the rest of my stuff.. is on the night stand, apparently. There's my cell phone and my wallet and.. and my gun.

My gun. I could- Nobody would ever know then, would they? He could never tell anyone. It's easy, just point and pull the trigger and-

No! No, I'm not a murderer. I'm not a criminal. I'm just a stupid faggot, and well, in Texas, that's against the law anyway. Fucking another guy is illegal, remember?

"Nick? Nick, are you okay?"

But you're not in Texas anymore. People here don't care about stuff like that.

"I'm fine; how're you?"

That has to be the stupidest thing you've said in your entire life, Nick! You just woke up in his bed and you're acting like an idiot. He probably hates you now that he knows. He probably-

No, he smiled, remember? He kissed you back.

"Sleepy. Sure you don't want to come back to bed? You still look worn out."

Get a grip on yourself! He just means to sleep some more.

"Um, yeah, sure. How long have I been out for?"

It's only nine, and so it can't have been that long.

"Three hours, I think. Come on, there's no way that you can get home as tired as you are, and your car's still at the Lab."

"About that, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to have to bring me here."

There's that smile again, the one that makes him look so amazing. God, why is he always smiling at me? I'd never be able to stop myself from doing anything for him if he smiled like that when he asked for it.

"No problem, you just fell asleep before I could get directions to your place. And, well, one of the legs on my couch broke the other day and-"

He looks so cute when he yawns.

"So go back to sleep." He's patting the bed right next to him, "I'll drive you home in a few hours."

"Yeah, sure."

There's nothing to be nervous about, Nicky. He's inviting you; just stop being an idiot and get into bed with him!

Mmm, he is warm, and that's his cologne I smelled earlier. I kind of like the arm thing, too; I could get used to it, and god, when I lean into him, it feels so.. Maybe I could..

Oh, yes, he is a very good kisser.

"Now's the time when I tell you I've never done this before, right?" I look up at him after our lips separate, kind-of-but-not-really expecting the shocked look on his face. Damn! Why did I have to go and open my mouth again? He's already reacted much better than I thought he would to any of this, and now I go and ruin it.

"W-What?"

I can sense his newfound hesitation as he slowly brings his hand up to my face, and with a slight start, I realize that sometime during that incredibly long kiss, he ended up on top of me, straddling my hips. It's surprisingly not as uncomfortable as it should be.

"I've never done this before, you know, with another guy."

"So what is this for you? Something casual? Experimentation, maybe? A spur of the moment thing?"

I'm surprised to hear that that is something akin to fear in his voice, and I hate knowing I did that to him even if I don't rightly understand why he's so nervous. I can't lie, though. I guess whenever I kissed him I did it knowing that I wouldn't be able to deny anything later. And I can't. I can't deny any of this; it's too real to me now.

"No, it's not just experimentation or whatever. This.. this is what I want. With you," I manage to get out as he unconsciously strokes my arm. It's really hard to think with him touching me.

"I want this too," the relief in his voice is palpable, and suddenly, I wonder how I missed it all these years, how I never saw that he would have accepted this without hesitation. I can't help but wonder what I would have done if I'd have known. Probably would have turned tail and run the other way, and even now, I can't help but wonder why I haven't run yet.

Being here with him, though, for some reason... it feels right; it really does, and maybe that's why I kiss him again, this time deepening the kiss before he has time to realize what's happening. Somehow I know that there must be something really wrong with me; I don't think I've ever tried to crawl into someone's skin through their mouth before. Running my tongue over his palette, I duel with his mouth, just daring him to pull away. When he doesn't, I relax and bring my hands up hesitatingly to his back, lightly ghosting them over his shirt until I become more comfortable; then, I slowly apply more pressure, letting my hands roam over him.

Suddenly, he pulls back slightly, a light flush tinting his cheeks. When I go to pull him back down, he stops me, both with his words and with his hands.

"Nicky, if you do that again, I'm not going to be able to stop myself." His grin is endearing, if not a little smutty.

"So don't stop," I say firmly before arching upwards as one of his hands worms its way into my shirt, coming to gently roll a nipple between two of the digits. I want this; I need this, and sadly enough, I know that if I don't do this now, I'll never get the courage. If.. well, maybe if I can get past this first time, I can handle it. Maybe I'll be okay with this. Certainly, I don't ever want to- I mean, god, I can't believe I seriously considered.. So stupid, Stokes! I don't know what I would have done if I'd actually hurt him. I still can't fathom that I would have done anything like that in the heat of the moment.

He kisses me again, seeming to understand that my thoughts are attempting to overtake me once more, leaning forward all the way so that he's nearly lying on top of me, and I can feel his hardness against my leg. It's strangely exciting. It's only when he pulls away again that I realize he's undone my shirt and is trying to remove it. Then, his mouth moves back down, this time moving down my jawline to the juncture of my neck and collarbones, sucking gently on the hollow there.

I can only shudder when his hand moves back down to stroke me through the fabric of my pants; coupled with the altogether ethereal sensation of being with him in his bed and having one of my fantasies fulfilled, it's almost enough to drive me crazy with want. I gasp, arching once again as his mouth finds its way to my chest, the hot tongue glancing over my already heated flesh.

In a somewhat desperate manner, I bring my hands to his sides, clawing at his shirt, trying to remove the obstructing fabric so that I can finally feel him, skin to skin, the way that I want to. He's going to think I'm just.. No, it's fine. He as much as said that I could.

He only laughs as he brings his hands upwards to take the crazy pajama top off before once more descending. I don't understand how he can be so calm about this; certainly, I'm not. I'm more turned on than I can ever remember being in my life, and all he can do is laugh.

"Relax, we can take this as slow as you want."

I know he's just saying that to calm me down, for I can see the wanting look creep into his eyes as I take advantage of his stillness and try my damnedest to get his pants off of him as well. He wants this as badly as I do, which is hard for me to really accept. I mean, he shouldn't want me. There are so many reasons why I'm wrong for him and why he should be with someone who can treat him better.. yet all of that is swept away when I finally succeed in pulling down his pajama bottoms and boxers. He moves to where he's kneeling, my thighs trapped under him and between his legs.

Emboldened by the look in his eyes, I squash all the residual nervousness that I'm still feeling and use my hands to explore his body, starting with his chest. I try to memorize all of the spots that seem to make his breathing hitch, but then I realize it doesn't matter. Somehow, I get the feeling that I'll have many chances to learn stuff like that. Finally, I take his cock in hand, nearly jumping as I feel his pulse. He's hot and hard, his cock twitching as I hold it, but as erotic as that is, it's nothing compared to the way he moans when I move my hand up and down experimentally.

His reaction assures me that I must be doing something right, and why mess with a good thing? Slowly, I begin to pull and twist on his hard length, my hand falling into a rhythm that I've used many times before on myself, my heart beating just a little faster every time he moans my name. Unconsciously, I begin to grind my hips upwards, the shock of my bare flesh against his making me shudder once more. My pattern falters a few times, most notably when he begins thrusting upwards, but I recover quickly. I can't believe that I'm able to do this to him, when only yesterday I thought that he'd probably try to punch my lights out if he even knew I had considered a relationship with him.

He tries to warn me before he comes, but I don't listen, still marveling in the way I can feel his pulse speeding up in time with my own, and suddenly, he stills, throwing his head back. He groans harshly and spasms above me a few times before he shoots onto my chest. In the back of my mind, I wonder why I hadn't thought that he actually would come, but then I push that away as I hear him softly whisper my name one last time.

In what seems to be seconds, he reaches over and grabs something that he uses to wipe off my chest for the most part, tosses it back onto the nightstand, and moves to where he's eye-level with my cock. I take a deep breath, my nervousness only now rushing back full force.

What the hell are you doing, Stokes?

He washes my doubts away again as he begins to slowly tongue a pattern up and down my cock; surprisingly, I find that my thoughts are gone along with my misgivings. A moan escapes my bitten lip even as I try to suppress it. Now I think I'm starting to understand what was missing with all of those nameless, faceless women. This is right; this is so much better than it's ever been before, and I know that it's because it's Greg who's trying his hardest bring me off in record time. And when his hand moves to take my balls and caress them, I arch upwards, wanting and needing more. He chuckles low in his throat, knowing what he's doing to me, and slowly, maddeningly licks the ridge of my cock before using his tongue to delve into the slit. I start to shake with lust as I see his pull back and notice the pearly liquid on the tip of his tongue.

It's only a few minutes before he takes my cock into his mouth. A few minutes of blinding, white-hot torture, I might add. Finally, he stops the teasing and begins to move steadily up and down, his head bobbing ceaselessly as he quickly finishes me off. I can feel the hard suction, feel the slight graze of teeth against my length as he moves, and it's nearly enough to set me off. I look downwards; his deep eyes meet mine and I groan loudly, pushing upwards against the hands that are holding my hips down.

In mere minutes, I'm screaming my release, screaming his name with all I have, trying to ignore the part of my mind that's still saying that he's going to think that I'm some hopeless loser who had the tripe to fall for his coworker.

Somehow, I don't think I'm ever going to get over that, I think as the post-orgasm haze descends on me. At least, not easily.

But that doesn't matter now because he's curled up against me, his head on my chest, and suddenly, blindingly, I know that this is as real for him as it is for me.

Thank God for sleep deprivation; that's the last thought I have before I fall asleep again.