Title: Seduction, Blackmail and Redemption…
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2231
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes
Warnings: AU, fluffy and a little bit angsty (Yes…it is!)
Spoilers: For S.3 episodes where Gil Grissom is losing his hearing
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: Unbeta-ed. All mistakes will be mine! I thank high_striker for his wonderful icon.
A/N 1: Podga issued this challenge for anyone to give us a topic and for us to write a little tale each about the topic. In the event we were inundated with requests (NOT) and, in fact, murgy31 was the only person who gave us a detailed request. So…this is my offering and Podga will post hers too!
A/N 2: The request was a Gil!deaf fic anyway we wished to write it!

Nick was devastated.

 

He stood in the kitchen looking out of the window, his coffee mug in his hand. The coffee cold and sour.

 

He could see Gil sitting on the steps of the deck, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

 

A picture of abject misery.

 

Gil looked it and Nick felt it.

 

Nick had been dismissed.  Dumped.  Of no further use; please leave.

 

Nick threw the coffee dregs into the sink and perfunctorily turned on the faucet to swill them away.  He put the mug in the sink and then looked back at Gil.

 

He hadn’t moved and Nick was still dismissed, fired, be on the lookout for someone new.

 

Nick’s eyes filled with tears but he wasn’t going to be seen crying, he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.  He reached into his pocket and put his hand around his keys; took once last look at Gil and walked out of the kitchen towards the front door.

 

Some time later Gil came through the patio doors from the deck and into his living room.  He closed the doors behind him and then went to walk into the kitchen.

 

He nearly jumped out of his skin.

 

“I told you to go.”

 

“Yeah, I know, and I got as far as the door, but I’m not going, you’re gonna have to throw me out with more than just words.”

 

“I thought I made myself clear, you’re no longer welcome here…please go, now.”

 

“Nope, still not leaving!”  Nick could see that Gil's eyes were red rimmed, for once in his life Nick hadn’t cried the threatened tears but it appeared that Gil had.  Nick found that oddly encouraging, Gil being vulnerable instead of himself.

 

“If I have to physically throw you out, I will.”  Although Nick thought Gil didn’t look very threatening.

 

“Okay, but then you’ll have to touch me and I thought you never wanted to touch me again.”

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“You do want to touch me then?  Well, no, you didn’t actually say it, did you, but you said we were over; you didn’t want to see me any more and that I should leave.  Now that, to me, implies that you didn’t want to touch me again…or, you know, kiss me, that kinda stuff.  Or anything physical.  Throwing me out is going to mean you being physical with me.”

 

Gil glared at him.

 

“I would like you to leave, now.  I will not let you put me in this position.”

 

“And, what…exactly…are you going to do?”

 

“I’ll call the police.”

 

“You do that; I’ll tell them how you seduced your subordinate and blackmailed me into providing sexual favours and now you’ve used me you’re just going to throw me away…discard me.”

 

“I DIDN’T DO THAT; it’s not like that!”

 

“No, I know; but they won’t know that will they?  And you know how easily I cry.”

 

“Why?  Why are you doing this to me?  We always said that if it was over we’d walk away, no regrets. You said that.”

 

“Yeah, I did.  But that’s not the case here, Gil, is it?  No.  It’s nothing like that.  This is you throwing me out because you think I won’t be able to cope, or, I really want out and you’re just making it easy or, or whatever…..  This is because of your hearing.  Because you’re going deaf and you think I’m too shallow to cope, too immature, too juvenile, too anything for you.”

 

“It’s not that…”

 

“No?  What is it then, tell me the truth, Gil, not some sorry little story you’ve concocted to prove to yourself I’m not capable…God knows you’ve tried that enough in the past.  What have you told yourself about all this, Gil?  TELL ME.”

 

Gil had flinched as Nick suddenly leapt from the armchair where he’d looked relaxed and comfortable and put himself nose to nose with Gil.

 

Gil stepped back.

 

“I've told myself that we’ve, it's run its course, which it has…good, while it lasted, but it’s over now.”

 

“Okay.  So if you weren’t going deaf would we still be over?”

 

“I’m not going deaf.  And yes we would be over.  It’s over.”

 

“Now, you see, I would’ve believed you if you hadn’t said you’re not going deaf.  Because whatever is wrong with you, Gil, and I don’t know what it is, you’re losing your hearing.  You know it and I know it and half the lab knows it; so you’re lying and if you’re lying about that then I think you’re lying about us, too.”

 

“What, what, what can I possibly say to you to convince you?”

 

“The truth would be good.”

 

Gil was silent but looked at Nick, they were still very close and Nick could see that Gil's eyes were welling up with tears.  Whatever it was, it was very serious, Nick had no doubt.  He put his hand on Gil's cheek and rubbed his thumb over the skin, rough from a day’s beard growth.

 

In that moment, Gil broke. 

 

He gasped a sob out and grabbed Nick by his arms and almost threw his head onto Nick’s shoulder, rocking Nick back on his heels, but he stayed steady, and it was as if a dam had burst.  Body-wracking sobs shook Gil and because of their proximity, Nick too.

 

Nick wrapped his arms around Gil and his own tears wet his face, silently tracking down his cheeks as he held Gil as he was convulsing with his pain and sorrow within Nick’s arms.

 

Nick didn’t speak, just held Gil tightly and rocked, a little, backwards and forwards, letting Gil himself decide when he was ready to speak, if he was ready to speak, but Nick thought that, maybe, the time had come.  Nick needed to know, he needed to know everything and then he would help Gil put his life back together.  If Gil didn’t want him after that, well, that would have to be the end of it, but not now, not yet.

 

Neither man knew how long they stood there.  Locked in their embrace.  Gil thought he was somehow taking strength from Nick, his solid but smaller body almost enveloped by Gil’s body, but Gil pulled back a little and found Nick’s mouth to kiss.

 

A wet, salty kiss and not meant to arouse, but to soothe and confirm what Nick already knew.  Gil Grissom loved him.  He knew.  Even if Gil Grissom didn’t know it himself.  Nick knew.

 

Nick pulled away a little and put a hand on Gil’s curls and smoothed them down, only for them to spring up again.

 

“Tell me.”

 

Gil nodded.  “Can I just clean up a bit…get a drink?”

 

“Yeah.”  Nick smiled a little.  “You go wash your face, what do you want to drink?”

 

“A brandy, a large brandy.”

 

“Good idea.  Go.”

 

Gil stumbled off in the direction of his stairs.  Nick went to the kitchen and used some paper kitchen towel to blow his nose; he put a piece of the towelling under cold water and wiped his face too.

 

Then he returned to the living room and found Gil's brandy and two glasses in their usual place, he poured Gil a good measure and then gave himself almost the same amount, although he rarely drank liquor he felt that under the circumstances he could do with some ‘fortification’.  He chuckled to himself; he was turning into his father, that’s what he said after a long day in court.

 

Gil came down a few minutes later.  He looked defeated, maybe even lost.  He stopped in front of Nick and put a hand on his arm rubbing it up a down a little.

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know.  Come on, here’s your brandy.  I’ve had one too.”

 

“Things must be bad.”  Gil tried to lighten the mood so Nick took his lead from him.

 

“Nah…never been better, we’re still together.”  It would have been better except that he took a bigger sip of the brandy than he’d intended and was then struck with a coughing and gasping and spluttering fit as the liquid burned its way down to his stomach.

 

Gil chuckled and rubbed Nick’s back as he tried to get his breath.

 

“Separates the men from the boys.”

 

“You’re telling me.  I should’ve just stuck to beer.” He choked out his reply.

 

“Shall I get one for you?”

 

“No thanks, I’m okay, I’ll persevere.  It tastes good and the burn feels…I don’t know, soothing…when you get over the shock that is.”

 

“Yes, ‘soothing’ is a good word to describe it.  Come on; sit with me on the couch.”

 

They sat side by side and didn’t speak for quite a few minutes.  Gil sipped his brandy and Nick tried again.  A little more cautiously this time.

 

“I've been a fool, Nick.  I’ve been an old fool.”

 

“I’ll contest the old bit, but yes, Gil, I think you have been foolish.”

 

Gil looked at Nick.  Nick thought that maybe Gil hadn’t expected him to agree with him.

 

“I don’t know what I expected.  It to go away, correct itself, I don’t know, and yet I know it’s been getting worse and I know people have noticed and all I've done is a good imitation of a ostrich…sticking my head in the sand.”

 

They sat quietly again for a few moments before Nick spoke.

 

“You know it’s not true?”

 

“What isn’t, that I thought it would go away…I know it’s not true, it’s a progressive condition.”

 

“No, ostriches don’t put their head, or any other body part, in sand, to avoid danger.  They might lie on the ground with their necks stretched out giving the appearance of trying to bury their heads and necks but it’s a fallacy.”

 

“I had no idea…”

 

“…but you know what’s wrong with your hearing then?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Nick sat still.  He wasn’t going to prod Gil now.  Gil would tell him in his own good time. He thought they were okay now.

 

Gil sipped his brandy steadily for about five minutes and then started talking.

 

“I have otosclerosis and it’s causing conductive hearing loss or CHL.  I’ve inherited it from my mother; she developed it as a child and was completely deaf by the time she was eight.”  Gil sighed, but then continued.

 

“It’s sclerotic lesions, like scar tissue, building up on the stapes, the tiny bones of the inner ear, stopping them from vibrating as sound hits them and therefore the sound isn’t transmitted, to me, to anywhere.  Like they’re being gradually glued together, as the movements lessen, sounds decrease.  It’s happening in both ears at the same time…just like my mother.”

 

They continued to sit together in silence for a little time. Gil trying to come to terms with the enormity of his confession, it made it real.  Nick digesting the information.

 

“But your Mom…that must have been what, fifty, sixty or even more years ago and there’s still no treatment?”

 

“There’s treatment.  An operation called a stapedotomy…it’s….”

 

“…there’s an operation…Gil, this has been going on for months…why can’t you have the operation?  What did the doctors say?”

 

Gil looked at Nick, his expression very solemn, almost fearful, and Nick knew he was going to hear bad news.  The operation would be no good for Gil. 

 

“I haven’t been.”

 

“Haven’t been?”

 

“I haven’t been to see the doctor…”

 

“…what the fuck?  You haven’t been?  You haven’t….”  Nick jumped up from the couch, the remainder of his brandy sloshing around the glass and very nearly spilling.

 

“I can’t believe you just said that.  I cannot believe it.  No, I cannot believe it.”  He was pacing up and down in front of Gil.  Gil followed his movements.

 

If Gil hadn’t realised immediately Nick had jumped up from the couch that he was incredulous, furious even, he knew it now.

 

“I was frightened to hear the truth, I mean, I know the truth, but hearing a doctor confirm it.  I was frightened.”

 

Nick stood in front of Gil just staring at him, not speaking, just staring.  He took a few deep breaths and then spoke again, quietly, calmly.

 

“If I didn’t know that you were an extremely intelligent man, I would think you were a moron, an idiot...an imbecile…Jesus Christ, Gil…I cannot believe it.”  The calmness had disintegrated as he spoke so that he was shouting as he finished.

 

“You done?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I know.  Irrational, moronic, all the things you’ve called me, but I just couldn’t make myself go.  Honestly, I couldn’t.  I made appointments and then cancelled.  I know it’s stupid, I know I’m stupid.”

 

Nick sat down again, next to him and swallowed his remaining brandy in one go.  No coughing or spluttering this time.

 

“Well, it’s a first, if nothing else.”

 

“What is?”

 

“You, admitting you’re stupid.  Here’s what we’ll do.  First thing in the morning we’ll make an appointment…we…and then we’ll go and see the doctor…we…you getting the picture here?”

 

“I am.”

 

“Good.  You will have the recommended treatment and if we need to, we’ll seek a second opinion and a third opinion if we have to, but if it turns out to be untreatable, Gil, then we’re in it together, all the way, and the last thing you will ever hear will be me telling you just how very much I love you.  Do you understand?”

 

Gil smiled a little a smile at Nick and nodded.

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

The End