Title: Regrets
By: Bj Jones
pairing: Speed/Horatio
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Character death
Summary: Fixing one’s regrets.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Various Executive Producers, CBS and Alliance own them. I'm not making any money and I promise to return them to the lab as soon as I'm finished.
Beta: I really can't thank Calypso enough
Author's Note: Yes I keep fixing the huge mistake of Speed dying... He's not dead. I refuse to believe that!

~*~

Horatio looked around the deserted beach, confusion etched on his face. He slipped off the sunglasses and looked down at his chest. He knew something wasn't right; the last thing he remembered was walking into the jewelry store.

"You know I think the rest of the team should avoid jewelry store's from here on out," A voice from Horatio's past.

Horatio turned to look into the warm eyes of Timothy Speedle, "Speed?"

"I mean really, what are the odds?" Speed smiled at Horatio. "Hello, H."

"What's going on?" Horatio placed his hands on his hips.

"What do you remember?" Speed asked.

Horatio looked at the young man, he looked exactly as he remembered. Hair untamed, a constant five o'clock shadow, warm eyes. He was wearing the same blue shirt and black pants he had on when he died.

"Followed a suspect to the jewelry store," Horatio eyebrow knitted in frustration. "I told Eric to hold back. As I stepped up to the manager there was a movement in the corner, a flash, and that's it." Horatio looked out to the ocean, then back to Speed. "I take it, I'm dead."

"Something like that," Speed shrugged.

"So they sent you to bring me across?" Horatio asked. "Why not Ray?"

"Ray is on guard duty, he can't leave his post." Speed motioned with his head and started walking down the beach.

"Guard duty?" Horatio asked as he caught up with Speed.

"Ray felt he needed to make amends for decisions in his life, so he is now a guardian angel." Speed informed him. "He's protecting a young woman in New York. She's on the streets, kicked out by her father."

Horatio stopped and stared at Speed, "And you?"

"I've been annoying the powers that be," Speed turned and laughed at Horatio's perplexed expression. "Think hard Horatio; those whispers in the middle of the night, the sudden wind shifts revealing evidence, a crash warning of an intruder."

"You've been protecting us?" Horatio eyes showed his surprise.

"I've been watching over my family," Speed shrugged, and then continued his walk down the beach.

"I've missed you," Horatio called after the young man.

Speed stopped and turned around, "I heard you."

Horatio looked back confused, "What?"

"When you visited my grave," Speed informed him.

Horatio looked down at his feet, twisting the sunglasses. As he looked back up he slipped on his sunglasses. Speed walked up to him, and pulled the glasses off, "I wish you had mentioned something sooner."

"I always thought I had time," Horatio looked at him, eyes shining.

Speed gave him a gentle smile, "As did I."

Horatio pulled Speed to him, his arms wrapping around the young man. "Now what?" Horatio stepped out of the comforting hug.

"Well that's up to you," Speed turned towards the ocean.

"I'm dead right?" Horatio looked at him.

"I'm here to give you an opportunity." Speed looked at him, then back at the water.

"Opportunity?" Horatio stepped in front of Speed.

Speed stepped back, "Some are given an opportunity..."

"An opportunity to do what?" Horatio hands rested on his hips, glasses in place.

Speed couldn't help but laugh, "If you would let me finish."

"Sorry," Horatio waved his hand to continue.

"An opportunity to fix one regret," Speed explained.

"I don't understand," Horatio stepped back. "Fix one regret?"

"If there is something you regret from your life, you are given the opportunity to fix it." Speed informed him.

"Does everyone get this?" Horatio turned and walked a few steps away.

"No," Speed replied following him with his eyes.

"Did you?" Horatio turned and looked at him.

"Yes," Speed answered, simply.

"And?" Horatio cocked his head studying Speed.

"I decided not take it," Speed answered, his voice soft. He turned away from Horatio and began walking down the beach.

"Why?" Horatio grabbed his arm.

"Because everything that had happened in my life made me the man I was. I wasn't going to change that." Speed tried to explain.

"Even your death?" Horatio gripped Speed's arm.

"I suffered the consequences of my actions. I didn't clean my gun, I got shot." Speed pulled out of his grip, stumbling back. "Did I regret dying? Hell yeah, especially after your graveside confession. But, I made the mistake and I had to pay the consequences."

"And if I choose not to?" Horatio asked.

"You crossover without a second thought or a look back." Speed answered.

"Then what?" Horatio sighed, frustrated.

"That's up to you," Speed smiled. "My suggestion, make sure Calleigh or Eric never step into a jewelry store."

"That's not funny," Horatio glared at him.

Speed shrugged, "It's up to you."

Horatio looked out to the waters, "There is one thing I would like to fix."

Speed looked at him, "I'm not surprised. Just think on the moment and what you want to fix." Horatio closed his eyes letting Speed's voice flow through him. "Once you find it, pour all of your focus on that one moment in time. Are you there?" Horatio nodded. "Good. Now concentrate on what you want to change..."




"Come on, open those blue eyes..." Horatio slowly opened his eyes. He blinked and grimaced at the bright light. The lights faded, "Horatio is that better? I need you to concentrate, focus on my voice...that's, it open your eyes."

Horatio looked up into the smiling face of Timothy Speedle, "Speed?" His voice cracked. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was to dry.

"I'm here, H, take a sip of water. You've been out for a few days. We were getting worried." Speed caressed the redhead's hair.

"Where am I?" Horatio looked around the room.

"Hospital," Speed answered. "Gave us a scare, I really think we should avoid jewelry stores from now on." Speed gave a tight laugh.

Horatio eyes focused on Speed. Images of him dying, the funeral, then his own shooting, seeing him on the beach. "I died."

"Almost, they lost you on the table, but you held on." Speed's voice was full of emotion. "God, don't do that to me."

"But," Horatio looked at Speed. "You died, over a year ago."

"What drugs are they giving you?" Speed looked at the IV hanging above his head.

"No," Horatio began getting agitated.

"Shush, now." Speed caressed his hair, soothing him. "Get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning."

"The jewelry store, your gun jammed." Horatio looked at him eyes pleading.

Speed focused on Horatio's face, "I was wounded..."

Horatio tried to set up, "No, you were killed. You looked down at your gun, it jammed. I held you while you died."

Speed pushed him back into the bed, "My gun didn't jam, and I saw the second gunmen. I got a shot off, but was wounded in the shoulder."

Horatio eyes locked with his, "It was clean?"

Speed bowed his head then looked up, "Only because of you."

"What?" Horatio slumped into the bed.

"Two weeks earlier you came to me, asked me if my gun was clean." Speed placed his hand along Horatio's cheek. "You knew by my look, that it wasn't. You started yelling at me for being careless, and threw Dispo Day up in my face." Speed smiled at him, "I of course yelled back, saying no one would care if something happened to me."

"I kissed you," Horatio placed his hand over Speed's.

"Yeah," Speed placed a soft kiss on his lips. "When I woke up the next morning, you had the gun cleaning kit on the table."

"God, it was so real," Horatio looked into Speed's eyes; they were filled with love and devotion.

"Get some sleep," Speed kissed his forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Home?" Horatio closed his eyes, the drugs taking affect.

"Soon," Speed whispered into his ear.



A few weeks later Speed helped an exhausted Horatio into their house, onto the couch, and then went into the bedroom. Horatio looked around the modest home. He recognized the simple home Speed and he had purchased a month ago. It was like he had two sets of memories in his head one with Speed and one without. The memories of a life without Speed were fading; he still wasn't sure if they were memories or drugged illusions.

Horatio groaned as he got up off the couch. The piano in the corner beckoned him. He remembered Speed playing for him, but at the same time felt stunned that Speed played. He sat on the bench, running his fingers along the worn keys. He glanced up at the pictures placed on top. Pictures of the team, some of Speed and him, Yelina and Ray Jr., Susie and Madison, the last frame had a hand written note in it. He picked it up studying carefully.

'Ask Speed about his gun.'

Horatio looked at the note, it was in his handwriting but he didn't remember writing it. Images assaulted his mind, the shooting, the beach, Speed, regrets, one opportunity. He gasped clutching the frame to his chest.

"Horatio?" Speed walked up to him, concerned.

"My one regret," Horatio whispered, looking up at him, a smile on his face. He remembered, his regret was not for himself but for Speed, he never checked to see if Speed had been cleaning his gun. He had figured it would save Speed's life, never thought it would save his own.

By checking on Speed, he had inadvertently saved his own life. Speed survived the jewelry store, and over that year and half the two entered into a relationship. When Horatio stepped into that second jewelry store, Speed was right next to him. He saw the man in the corner, and warned Horatio. The bullet missed his heart by an inch. It was Speed's warning that made Horatio to turn, causing the bullet to enter one inch to the left instead of the right.

Horatio looked up into expressive brown eyes, the memories were beginning to fade. In time he knew the only life he would know would be the one he was living.

"What?" Speed asked, taking the frame from his hand.

"Nothing," Horatio smiled at him.

Speed set the frame back onto the piano, "You once told me that the note just appeared on your desk one night. You read it, grabbed your keys and drove straight to my apartment." Speed sat down on the bench next to Horatio. "After the shooting, you framed the note. You said it saved your life."

"Without you I would have no life," Horatio slipped his arm around Speed.

Speed turned in his arms, looked deep into his eyes. "I love you."

Horatio pulled him into a deep kiss, the last memories of a life without Speed faded into nothingness. "And I you."