Title: Religion
Author: podga
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: CSI and its characters do not belong to me. I write and post for fun only.
Summary: Nick and Grissom have a conversation about something religious, which unexpectedly matters to one of them.
Suggested by: dipenates

Gil props his head on his palm, and looks at Nick.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” he asks in a sleepy voice.

“I gotta go home and get changed for Mass.”

“What?”

“Mass,” Nick repeats, a little nonplussed at Gil’s incredulous reaction.

“I didn’t know you’re religious.”

Nick pauses in the act of buttoning his shirt and looks at Gil more closely.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. Anyway, I’m not, not particularly. Every now and then, though…”

He starts tucking his shirt in his jeans.

“Every now and then what?”

“I don’t know, I just feel the need to reconnect.”

“Oh, right. So this would be an obvious time, then” Gil almost spits out.

Nick looks at Gil warily. “What do you mean?”

“After sinning?”

“Jesus, Gil, where did that come from?”

“You tell me. We’ve known each other for almost seven years. Yet the first time I ever hear you mention church and the need to reconnect is after the second time we sleep together?”

“Just because I don’t mention it, doesn’t mean it’s not important to me. When Gordon–”

Gil makes an impatient gesture.

“What? God saved you? And you realized that you’d strayed from the fold?”

“Well… Not quite, but yeah, sort of, I guess. I realized there were important things I was forgetting.”

Gil opens his mouth to say something, then just shakes his head.

“Gil.” Nick waits until Gil focuses on his face. “Why are you angry about this?”

“I’m not angry. You have a right to your beliefs.”

“Buuut…”

“There’s no but. You have a right to your beliefs.”

“I’m not going for absolution. I don’t believe that what’s between us is wrong,” Nick tries to reassure Gil.

“And yet you go to ‘reconnect’, to remember ‘important things’ in a church that, for the most part, preaches exactly that.”

Gil’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, one of his less endearing qualities as far as Nick is concerned. He shrugs.

“You don’t have to take every last bit to heart.”

“Don’t you? Catechism must have changed since I stopped paying attention.”

Nick looks at his watch; he really should go, if he’s going to get ready on time. He sits on the bed and puts his hand on Gil’s shoulder, surprised at how rigid it is.

“What’s this all about? It’s just something I do, and it’s meaningful to me. I’m not dragging you with me, or anything. It has nothing to do with you. Why do you even care?”

“I can’t stand the hypocrisy.”

Stung, Nick jerks his hand away.

“I’m not a hypocrite!”

“Not you. Them. Handing down rules on how life should be lived, pretending they have all the answers, while they ignore the real problems and circle the wagons whenever one of their own transgresses.”

“Nobody’s pretending they have all the answers. We’re all mostly doing the best we can, with whatever means we have. ”

Gil looks at him, his mouth pulling down at the corners, his blue eyes stormy. Clearly there’s a lot more to this than a simple theological or academic discussion. And if there’s one thing that Nick has learned about Gil over the years, it’s that Gil covers his deepest feelings with layer upon layer of logic, theory and facts, so that it’s almost impossible to figure out what’s really lying underneath. He puts his hand back on Gil’s shoulder, kneading at the tense muscles.

“I’m not big on confession. Mostly I go when good things are happening to me, when I’m grateful. After Gordon, I don’t want to let those times just slip by, like they mean nothing.”

Nick feels Gil’s shoulder slowly soften.

“Grateful?” Gil asks finally, his eyes searching Nick’s.

Nick leans over and kisses him.

“I have to go. Let’s meet for brunch afterwards,” he suggests, and Gil nods in agreement, and reaches up to touch Nick’s cheek in a fleeting caress.