Title: Sara’s Return
Author: podga
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: CSI and its characters do not belong to me. I write and post for fun only.
The dialogue in the diner up to Nick’s phone call to Grissom is quoted from “For Gedda”
Warning: Spoilers for Season 8, Episode 17: “For Gedda”
Summary: Sara’s return catches Nick off balance.
A/N: As you probably know, I like to stay close to canon in terms of actual events (most of them anyway!), so I’ve left it open as to whether Warrick survives.

“OK, I’m going home,” Gil says.

I watch him lean in towards Warrick.

“Get some sleep tonight,” he smiles.

His eyes slide towards me as he’s getting up. He mouths ‘call me’ and raises his eyebrows questioningly and I nod. Nobody else notices; the focus is on Warrick tonight. It’s been a long time since we’ve all been out together as a team, even longer since we actually laughed together and talked about anything other than work. I wonder if it will last. I wonder if all this would have happened in the first place if we hadn’t grown apart over the past couple of years, if we hadn’t all been wrapped up in our own problems, if we’d simply paid more attention and looked out for each other a little better.

I can’t change the past, but I can do something about the future.

“Well, it’s just you and me, Serpico. Let’s get a beer.”

He laughs and refuses. I understand the need to be alone for a while, to pull yourself back together, so long as you’re not left alone too long. I let him think I’m interested in the waitress, whose smile reminds me strongly of my youngest sister, and I tell him I’ll call him later. We used to hang out a lot, but it’s been almost three years since we spent any real time together. No more, I promise myself.

After he walks out, I flip out my phone and call Gil.

“Hey. Where are you?”

“I just got in the car. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

“Yeah, I think Rick just needed to be alone for a bit. Why don’t you come on back here, have a beer with me?”

He seems to hesitate.

“Come on, Gil,” I coax. “I’m not ready to call it a night yet.”

“OK. See you in a couple of minutes.”

“That’s my dog you’re walking.”

Hank gives a short bark and pulls at the leash, nearly yanking my arm off. I drop the leash and he rushes at Sara, who’s down on one knee, a suitcase next to her, waiting for him. I suppose I should look happier to see her, though Hank is more than making up for any lack of welcome on my part.

“Grissom couldn’t get away and asked me if I could take half an hour out and walk him,” I say lamely.

“I know. I stopped by the lab first.” She gives Hank a last pat and stands up. “It’s good to see you, Nick. Even under the circumstances.”

I reach out and hug her awkwardly. “Good to see you, too. Are you staying?”

She steps back and gives me an odd look. “I have my suitcase. Lots of clothes.”

“It’s just that… Well, nobody’s really sure where you are or what you’ve been up to. You know Grissom.”

She smiles tightly. “Yes, I know Grissom.”

She reaches out her hand, palm up. “I’ll take it from here. You want to give me the house key?”

I drop it in her outstretched palm and she stares at it curiously. “I haven’t seen this key ring before.”

I shrug. Gil gave me the key a couple of weeks back. “Here, you might need to use this sometime,” he’d said casually, tossing it at me. I didn’t really know what to make of the gesture and I didn’t want to question him about it. At the moment, I’m just glad that I hadn’t slipped the key on my own key ring, because somehow that had felt presumptuous, and instead had used a Rebels one I had lying around.

I clear my throat. “Can I help you with your suitcase?”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. You should probably head back.”

“Yeah. I guess I’ll see you later.”

“See you later, Nick.”

I knew she’d return. I guess I knew almost from the first moment, when I stepped out of the diner to see what was taking Gil so long, and found him kneeling over Warrick lying in a pool of blood. I didn’t think about it at first, of course. But later I did, even though I was angry at myself for doing so, because it should have been the least important of my concerns, because it felt like I was betraying Warrick all over again.

Gil’s in the corridor, talking to Catherine. She looks like she’s been crying, and I can imagine what she’s going through, because I’m going through it myself. We all want to work this case, we need to work it, but I wonder how the hell we’ll do a good job of it, or if it will be any kind of consolation if we succeed in solving it.

Gil reaches out and touches her shoulder, and she nods and walks away, heading towards ballistics. He simply stands there, his head bent, and I wonder what’s he’s thinking about.

After those first minutes with Warrick, Gil retreated back into his usual indecipherable persona and he’s been there ever since. His request to me to walk Hank had been polite, but impersonal and business-like. Only when I’d half-joked that Hank was more likely to try and chew my arm off than let me take him for a walk, did his mask slip for a split second. “He misses you,” he’d said quietly, staring at me intently, then he’d quickly turned his attention back to the file on the desk in front of him.

He looks up and we lock eyes across the corridor. I hesitate for a second, then walk over to him.

“Everything OK?” he asks.

I nod. “Sara arrived just as we got back to the house, so I handed Hank over to her.”

“Thanks,” he says a bit stiltedly.

“So, she’s back?”

I don’t have any right asking a question like that. What the hell, of course I do. It’s only the timing that’s wrong, but then it’s never been right. Not for Gil, not for Warrick, not for Catherine, not for anybody. Fuck it! Suddenly I’m as angry as I’ve ever been in my life and Gil standing in front of me is the only target I’ve got.

“You called her in eight years ago to investigate Warrick. And now you called her in again. I guess we’ve come full circle, haven’t we?”

He looks at me as if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” I mutter. “I don’t mean anything.”

“I didn’t call her in. I haven’t even spoken to her since… She just showed up.” He shakes his head angrily. “And I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

I turn on my heel and walk away from him.

“Nick!” I hear him say sharply behind me, but I don’t turn around. I need to get out of here before I say anything more that I’ll later regret.

I’m almost at my truck, not really sure where I’m heading, before I realize that he’s right behind me. I flick him a glance, then unlock the door and climb in the truck. He grabs the door before I can slam it shut.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks, his eyes blazing.

“Is. She. Back.” I grit the words out.

“What is this? Jealousy?” he asks incredulously.

“What if it is?”

“This isn’t the time for this sort of a conversation. Or the place.”

“Hey, you followed me.”

He sighs. “Nick. Please, let’s not do this.”

“She assumed you’d given me your key to get into the house. She wondered about the key ring. I guess you’ll need to figure out an explanation for that one before you go home.” This time, when I tug on the door, he lets it go. I look at him through the window, then I start the engine and drive off. I still have no idea where I’m going. Home, I guess. It’s been a while since I’ve been there for anything other than a shower and a change of clothes.

My phone rings and I see Gil’s name flash on the screen. Despite everything that just happened, I answer it, hoping for I don’t know what.

“Yeah.”

“Shift isn’t over yet.” His voice is icy. “I expect you back here in half an hour.”

“Fine,” I respond, my voice just as cold.

“Nick,” he says, his tone softer, gentler. “We’re all upset right now. We just need to take a step back until... We all need to calm down. Okay?”

“Fine,” I bite out again.

“Nick? Please.”

I take a deep breath. “I’ll be back in half an hour.”

I hang up and pull over. Nothing is as it’s supposed to be, and I wonder if it can ever be again. Vegas never brought anything good. Not for any of us.

After we solve Warrick’s case, I’m out of here.