Title: Officially Scared
Author: anmani
Pairing: Nick and Greg
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Future-fic, established relationship, drama, angst, romance.
Warnings: General spoilers for seasons 1-5.
Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me.
A/N: The plot for this story was conceived when I'd seen about half of season 5 and only heard rumors about ‘Grave Danger'. Therefore I have marked it as an AU. Tina never happened, but many other things did. The story is set in 2011.

I also wanted to try and tell it from first person and present tense. Not my usual style and it has taken me 5 months to complete it. The POV will change for each chapter.
This is told by Nick:

By the sound of his alarm clock I turn and reach for him. He turns it of swiftly and rolls to face me. I love this hour before we have to get up. I love it because he is far less troubled when he wakes up and that makes the sex so much sweeter.

He claims my mouth and I love that he isn't hung up on morning breath like so many other people. I pull him as tight as possible and my hands are on his butt in a second. He has the best one that I have ever laid eyes on and it is still as firm as when I first saw it twelve years ago. His response is fast and expected. He presses his erection against my abs and kisses me so deep and with so much passion that I'm all out of breath.

When I brake for air I turn and let him spoon me. He purrs at my invitation and has a lubed finger in me before I even get to think about what's next. I relish his every move and his infinite patience with me. This is something that he never rushes and never forces on me. His tongue is licking my earlobe and neck; making my brain give in to the sensation of him. I push down on his fingers to let him know that I'm ready for him and he grants me my wish and fills me with his cock.

This lazy pace is more maddening than just quick thrusts. I get to feel him pushing in all the way and the slow stroke on my prostate is overloading the nerve receptors in my brain.

"Love you." As always I start out trying not to speak, but when he does something like this to me; I can't hold back the words. I say everything and nothing.

Mostly I just tell him how much I love him. The more I talk the faster he moves and I'm ranting now. I know he'll only say one thing and that is my name when he comes. He wraps his hand around my cock and jerks me off in the same fast rhythm.

"Nickyyyyyyyyyy." I have never before been with someone that sparks my orgasm just by coming themselves. But he makes me do it, so once again my cum lands uncontrollably on the sheets in front of me.

Sweating and trembling we just lay like this for a few minutes, before breaking the connection between our bodies. He heads for the shower and I roll onto my back, grab the remote and turn on the TV. I watch the news and the weather as usual, while I listen to his bathroom sounds; sounds of comfort and security, sounds that I crave more than anything. I need to feel secure and he gives me that. He calls this my thinking hour. I don't fall asleep straight after sex, nope I lay awake and think. When he first discovered it he called it my only girly streak. I know it is safe to say that he has learned a few more since that.

He became supervisor for the night shift 5 months ago, when Grissom had his big health scare. It left quite a few people pissed off at his promotion which many found unduly. When you think about it though, he was the right man for the job. He is far better educated than anyone of us.

Hell he even went for his doctor grade, while he recovered from that horrible car crash 3 years ago. He broke both legs and his pelvic bone fractured as well. I was heartbroken and sure that he would be in the hospital for 6 months or more. But not my stubborn Greg, as soon as he could sit in a wheelchair he returned to the lab. He was so determined not to let the accident destroy his life and it all happened just because an overworked lawyer was late for court. She ran a red light and her truck outweighed Greg's small car by nearly 2 tons. When I saw his mangled car I couldn't believe that he was still alive. Things like that make me feel like luckiest guy in the world.

I don't know how he does; but he deals with Ecklie real well and he somehow managed to change things around; so I could return to night. Grissom accepted a demotion to CSI III without any trouble. I think the man is just glad to be alive; it was a big shock when he collapsed and then later was diagnosed with diabetes II.

Sara knew that her record of emotional stress hindered her chance of the position as supervisor, but she did throw a fit at Greg in private later on. Catherine was long gone, having lost it after Greg's accident. Sometimes we see her hanging around in a bar or a casino, but she doesn't make contact. Normally she is too drunk or stoned to remember any of us.

Warrick surprised us all by accepting Greg's offer to come back to Las Vegas. I've always had a hard time accepting that he left because of me.

I knew he was sleeping with Cath. It was just the way they behaved around each other. It had dawned on me two weeks before I got buried alive.

Warrick took it awfully hard, we had our usual: who gets what case. And I had drawn the short straw that night for sure.

Anyway he blamed himself and Cath tried to help him and ended up pregnant. On the one year day for my ‘burial' he left town with his 3 month old son, breaking a lot of hearts. I tried to stay in contact with him, but he didn't really want to. Greg knew I suffered from the loss of my friend and colleague. He did what he could to fill the void and the tenacious little man succeeded. He is amazing that way, if he wants something he gets it. I should be the best to know, all the times, that I've surrendered to his pout or even worse one of his monologues, are countless.

As for Warrick, I have no idea what Greg said or did. But he showed up here one day and hugged me in a bear hug like no other. Our friendship is not like old times, but it holds a promise for the future.

"I'm heading in early Nicky! The paperwork for the Carter-case is riding me like a nightmare." Of course it would, we have spent 5 weeks building the case and now it all needs to be tied up in nice little packet for the DA. Besides Greg has adopted this habit of going in early from Grissom. Not that I shall complain, because it leaves me two hours every night where I am all alone. As much as I love being with him, I need these hours to unwind and sort through stuff in my head.

"Drive safely Sweetie." I get up and we kiss goodbye. Ever since his accident I can't help myself, I need to kiss him proper goodbye.

The soft spray covers my body with warm water and like a cat I stretch my muscles carefully. When Greg showers he spends 95% of the time fussing over his hair. He must be the first supervisor with spiky hair. When I shower I spend 5% of the time washing what remains of hair on my head. First it grayed and then it started to thin. I wish I could have a full mane like my Greggo.

After my shower I put on the clothes that he has laid out for me. He keeps claiming that my sense of fashion is an insult to his eyes and he is my boss now, so I do as told. I am perfectly aware of how whipped I am and I love it.

I'm sure I can hear someone breathing in the bedroom.

"Did you forget something Sweetie?" The well known sound of a gun being cocked startles me.

"Who's there?" Can I make it to the drawer with my gun in it?

"Lay down on the bed Mr. Stokes." The cold nuzzle of the gun touches the back of my neck. I go cold from fear and panic. What have I done to deserve this? Again?

The gun is pressed harder at my neck and I move to the bed and lie down. Someone flips me over so I am on my back. A sharp light is shone into my face and I sense a flash firing as well. I can feel the cold sweat soaking my body and tears welling up. Greg sweetie where are you? I need you. I need you. I need you.

"Hands Mr. Stokes." I hold my hands up automatically and feel the cuffs snap on. Please come home Greggo, please come home and protect me.

The sharp pain in my thigh can only be from… a… needle…I'm…being…drugged…

This is told by Greg:

I have been pacing my office for the past 40 minutes getting nowhere. Well I guess that's what pacing is all about. I walk towards the back wall and turn, reading the message on my door countless time before I reach the door and turn again.

IF YOU WANT HIM BACK

WAIT FOR MY CALL

TREAD CAREFULL

The message has been written with some typical permanent marker that every office holds myriads of. I mutter under my breath. It's bad enough that he is missing, but the wait for the phone call is steadily tearing me apart. When I saw the text I knew of course who it referred to and it only took 10 minutes for a full verification from Det. Vega. That yes indeed my partner had been kidnapped from our house. Vega told me that Nick must have put up one hell of a fight because the house was in shambles. Great, fucking great.

I sent Warrick to find anything that could help and Grissom tacked along. 42 minutes and still no phone call. I break my pace just to check if the battery is still charging. It is just as it was five minutes ago. Sara is approaching; I would know that footfall anywhere. She'll knock, she always does. Breathe in slowly and exhale, good boy. I need to stay in focus here.

"Greg?" She knocked of course before entering.

"Found anything?" She has been going over the surveillance tapes from the lab with Archie.

"Eh…It's hard to tell, but maybe you'll be able to make some sense of it."

Don't shout, it is not her fault that Nick is the labs undefeated expert in getting in trouble. Don't yell; breathe.

"YOU KNOW I CAN'T LEAVE THIS OFFICE." Don't yell for havens sake it's not her fault. She shrinks and she has this I'm-never-good-enough-look on. Shit; I really need to calm down.

"Sorry Sara, ok. It's just riding my nerves." I can't even make an apology sound sincere right now. She still retains that tormented look. Exhale; slowly.

"I don't know what phone that is referred to. Can you bring it here to show me?" I almost manage to calm down. She nods and turns. Great I just accomplished to make her feel even more like shit. And I've always prided myself that I could lighten up her day. Well not today.

TREAD CAREFULL

I glare at the last two words. Are they supposed to mean anything special or is it just a fancy way of saying: no cops. If it is; why then kidnap someone working for the PD?

Ecklie enters unceremoniously and stares at me.

"Sanders." How can he be so devoid of emotions?

"Ecklie." I need a punching bag and damn he has to tread careful right now or it'll be him.

"They are ready with the phone tap for both." Why is he telling me that and why first now?

"Good, took them long enough." I am so ready to deck him.

"We'll find him. We've done it before." As if I needed the reminder.

"I KNOW!" This is it; all that I've worked for will be taken from me when my fist connects with his jaw. Only I don't hit him. My blow is blocked by Hodges. Great! That man has always been able to sneak up on me.

"Control yourself or I swear you won't even be allowed to answer the phone." Finally he showed some emotion. Hissing my name for goodbye he strides out of my office.

"What do you want Hodges." He took the blow to his shoulder, but stood his ground.

"This." He held up an evidence bag with a white piece of paper, looking fresh out of the printer.

DO YOU REALLY WANT HIM BACK?

GO TO THE LOBBY AND ASK FOR THE BAG YOU FORGOT.

MAKE HASTE

Clever; sending us a fax and probably from some public place. So most likely we're dealing with a pro. But it is annoying that there is no ransom asked for. Think, save the fears for later. Get Sara, get Vega and get to the fucking lobby.

"Sidle, Vega. He sent a fax." I bark on the way out of my office. Sara pulls me in to the AV-lab and points my attention to the still on the screen. Marilyn fucking Manson is writing on my door and the timer puts it 13 minutes before my arrival this night. This just turned personal, very personal. Who knows that I'm a Manson fan, who? Think god damn it.

"Sara pull up all the cases I've worked on and find my yearbook from college. I'll try and think of who else knows I'm a Manson fan." I've got a large body of people following me to the lobby; all looking to me for orders.

"Vega he sent a fax telling me retrieve a bag in the lobby. I'm guessing it'll hold a cell or directions. Whatever you do; keep your distance. We can't afford to stuff up with this one."

"Hodges you go over the bag when we get it."

"Archie see if the origin of the fax can be of any help." My head is hurting and my stomach is on its own private rollercoaster ride.

"Oh Dr. Sanders a man came in with this and said that you had forgotten it."

She held up a plastic bag from Kmart. Don't yell at the receptionist, how could she know that she should've worn gloves for this one.

"Thank you." I can't remember her name at this point and I let Hodges take the bag, since he has already put on his examination gloves. He lines up the contents on the receptionist's desk: a dust/splash proof Nokia phone, a Marilyn Manson t-shirt, an A&M cap, a ½l water bottle and Nick's necklace. This guy is fucking with me. I can feel my stomach knot tighter and my heart is racing at break neck speed. Hodges yelps when he examines the phone and holds it up for me.

There is a picture of Nick and below the text: WELCOME TO HELL.

I can feel the blood drain from my body and I go cold in an instant. I just gape at the phone and Hodges carefully dusting it, of course it is squeaky clean. I am officially scared out of my mind.

This is told by Nick:

Ouch, oh man, what have I been drinking? My head is ready to explode and my mouth feels like something furry has died in there. Okay open your eyes and Greg will be there for comfort, open come on open. Damn my eyes are burning and everything feels off.

Pitch black?

But the red light for the bathroom switch should be on. The bathroom door is not there!

Oh shit what have I done?

Greggo where are you?

I got to find out where I am and then get the fuck home. My stomach rumbles and I feel like vomiting. Come on old man; get out of this bed and find a bathroom. As I swing my legs out of bed my right arm is caught. It feels like handcuffs…

Bam!

The light comes on and so does my memory.

I was kidnapped from home and I was drugged. Oh my god. It can't be happening. The memory hurts almost as much as my body. And my stupid stomach starts to contract. I roll on to my right side and throw up on the floor. But my vomit doesn't hit the floor, it lands in a bucket. Jesus Christ, somebody knew I was going to be sick.

I don't think anyone is in the room, but who turned on the lights? I retch again; this time only bile. Well the furry feeling in my mouth is gone, but the acid and puke taste is not really a change for the better.

Panting and hurting I survey the room. 3 meters across and maybe 5 meters long. The bed has a metal frame and my right hand is cuffed to a bar in the headboard. There is one door at the other end of the room. The light in the room comes from three fluorescent tubes in the ceiling. There is some sort of detectors in each corner just below the ceiling. It could be cameras, but I haven't seen that kind before. It could also be motion detectors and that would explain why the light came on when I started moving. Next to the bucket is a six-pack of ½ gallon water bottles and in the middle of the open space there is a chair.

Stay calm and think!

I've been kidnapped.

Again!

At least I'm not in a coffin, a Plexiglas coffin. There's no sign of Plexiglas in this room, it is a small comfort. That's right positive thinking. Alright the layout of the room is simple and carefully planned. Bastards!

This can only be driving Greg mad, he must know by now, that I'm missing…

Have they hurt me?

Come on Pancho just like meditation start from one end to assess the damage on your self.

Feet; toes can wriggle, ankles can bend and twist. That's good and I'm wearing my hiking boots.

Lower legs; muscles can flex, feels like I've been walking uphill though. But still good.

Knees; ouch. Right knee has a burning sensation like I've scraped it, but it still works. Left knee; no problem. Thighs; muscles can flex and they cooperate on the feeling that I've walked uphill.

Hips…

The light flickers and goes out. I wave my left arm and it comes back on.

Definitely motion detectors controlling the light. Where was I?

Hips; allows for all normal movement. Good.

Stomach; rumbling and suffering from vomiting. Not good but expected.

Chest; breathing is easy and no pain. Good.

Left hand; fingers fully moveable and so is the wrist, but it is sore from the cuffs. Good.

Left elbow; the normal popping sound when I bend it fast. Good.

Left shoulder; rotates easily, but feels sore. Semi-good.

Right hand; fingers working, but numb. Not so good.

Right wrist; hurts like hell, where the cuffs has dug in deep. Bad.

Right elbow; hard to move to test. Undetermined.

Right shoulder; moves a bit more, but is sore. Not good.

Neck; stings from the vomiting, but moves normally. Semi-good.

Head; throbs worse than any hangover. Bad

Eyes; burns like hell. Bad

Ears; nothing to report. Good.

Mouth; very much like the neck, but going dry. Semi-good.

Nose; no problem.

Good well done. Now let's fix one thing at a time.

Drink some water. A big mouthful will make me puke again, so small sips.

Ah that was better.

Hopefully it will doll my headache as well…

Headache, sore legs, vomiting and hiking boots.

Date-rape-drugs; they give those symptoms and the boots. If the dose is right you can still move around aided by someone, but never remember what happened. Curiously I feel my ass over, but if someone has raped me, it's not causing any pain whatsoever.

Why are my eyes burning?

My contacts of course. I had just put them in before I was taken. How long is the effect of…?

There are so many different ones out there and the effect varies.

Keep them in or live in a blur until… I don't want to go there yet.

Well the cure is simple, just cry and let the light go out.

I wave the light on again, my eyes are better. But I have no idea how much time has passed. The fingers in my right hand are numb and I slowly and painfully massage life into them again. Need to protect my wrist from further damage. The skin is red and swollen, but there are only two small wounds.

The sheets are impossible to tear and I can't undo my boots. Some nifty knot on my laces makes it impossible to work it with one hand.

My dress-shirt. I'm wearing a t-shirt underneath and the shirt is soft and will protect the skin just fine. I get the buttons undone in what seems like an eternity, before I can slip it up to my wrist and stuff the fabric between my tender wrist and the metal of the handcuffs. I twist and turn to find a comfortable position to lie in; once there, I can't fight off my worst fears.

Every shitty thing that has ever happened to me; comes out to haunt me now.

Breathe, meditate, pray or recite the periodic table.

Anything to keep this away.

This is told by Greg:

The picture on the phone is the center of my focus. Nick is wearing the clothes that I put out for him tonight and also he is still wearing the necklace, now laying on the desk here. I want the phone to ring, even if it will only make this nightmare way too real. If it doesn't ring… Then we will be recovering a body and not Nick.

"Greg?"

Jacqui is holding out my own cell. Good thinking I need to be able to get in contact when I find him. Because I will find him, I must, I can't live without him, never could.

"Thanks Jacqui."

Steady breathing here Sanders, you can do this, you can handle this.

I jump when the phone rings.

"Hallo?"

"Good evening Dr. Sanders, are you ready to go for a ride?"

Don't deny him anything; don't promise him anything, stay calm.

"I believe so."

"Good, if you take one of the lab cars and have a full tank it'll be fine." Vega has got his ear up to the phone as well.

Stay positive.

"A full tank? I might have to pull in for gas then."

"Put on the t-shirt and take the I-15 northbound. Any gas station before the I-15 will do."

Repeat it to him make sure he knows you understood. Come on it's basics Sanders.

"I-15 northbound, fill up before the I-15 and wear the t-shirt."

"Very good. Travel alone and everything will be fine. Remember your hiking boots. The phone will fit the hands free in the lab car and I will call you back in 10 minutes."

"Alone, hiking boots and use the hands free. Understood." The caller hangs up. I start my watch on its timer.

Vega nods that he has heard it all.

"Greg there are tracking devices in all the vehicles and in your phone. I know he might want you to switch cars, but we'll take it as it comes. I'll have the cavalry at a distance. Any caller ID?"

"No, number withheld."

I try to call Vega's phone with the one in my hand.

Blocked for outgoing calls.

"This is a clever bastard for sure. His voice was computer generated. It sounded like the voice from Unreal Tournanment."

"Get in the car; this is going to be one hell of a chess game." I obey Vega and take one of the lab cars. The contents delivered in the bag held no trace and they are now on the seat next to me along with my hiking boots.

09:10 the timer reads and I wonder how precise he is. I turn the key and the engine roars to life. I activate the dashboard computer and logs in.

09:58

09:59

The phone rings.

"Good evening Dr. Sanders."

"Good evening."

Be nice and polite, don't upset him and get as much information as possible.

"Are you on the road yet Dr. Sanders?"

"I'm just pulling out from the lab. The hiking boots were in my private car."

"Dr. Sanders I want you to fill up at the Texaco on North Las Vegas Boulevard and East Cheyenne Avenue. After that you return to the I-15. You have 90 minutes to be on the I-15."

What a control freak, but also a realistic one. 90 minutes would be plenty if everything goes smooth.

"Understood, fill up at Texaco and 90 minutes to be heading north on the I-15."

"Good Dr. Sanders, it is a pleasure to be dealing with a pro."

His words make my skin crawl and I brake out into goose bumps.

He saves me the trouble of coming up with a reply by disconnecting the call.

I make my way to the Texaco slower than my nerves can handle, but apparently everybody has decided to clutter the streets of North Las Vegas for the night.

How far can I go on a full tank?

If I have to stay on the I-15?

First it's Arizona and then Utah.

If he is on the road with Nick still and technically that is possible, we could end up in Salt Lake City real soon.

But if he is at his hideout or whatever, then he has only had like three hours to get there.

Still three hours, that is a lot of desert.

The computer flashes orange on the bar at the bottom indicating an incoming message.

This better be good. If it's Ecklie… I punch the short key for read. Greg the house gave us little to go on. Short recap:
Nick was taken from the bedroom after his shower.
The living room mess is a stage. No real fighting could have produced it.
Nick's hiking boots are missing.
His glasses are still here. There 26 sets of contacts left in the package in the bathroom.
No fingerprints other than yours and his.
No fibers of interest, looks like your hair most of it.
Exit is the front door. Entry undetermined, but the window in the study is a possibility.
Your hard drives and your laptops are missing.
WB

Holy fucking shit. I could really do with a break here. Alright next red light I'll call Warrick on my cell.

"Brown."

"Sanders."

"I'm so sorry Greg, but it's a pretty clean job."

"Everything is so far. Vega calls it a game of chess. This bastard is a complete control freak."

"Did you have anything interesting on your computers?"

"Pictures, mails, games, you know private stuff. Maybe this is about some case. I mean many people have company issue lap tops."

"Yeah, I'm gonna go over the outdoors again now. Grissom is going in with our meager findings."

"Good then he can help Sara go through my old cases. Rick… this is not too much for you?"

"Being back in the nightmare looking for Nick all over. I know I didn't handle it well 6 years ago, but I'm better and this…"

"Isn't your fault. Warrick find something useful please."

"I'll do my best boss. Take care!" He hangs up. Not that there's anything more that needs to be said right now.

The well known logo enters my field of vision.

Come on Sanders, simple job. Pull in and fill it up, pay and get moving. My stomach tightens in another cramp of worry. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get supplies as well. I'll be starving for sure when this is over and I'll need caffeine to keep me going. I scour the shop for anything with caffeine and end up leaving carrying 2 big bags and 200$ poorer not counting the gas. The worst part is that I'm not even sure what I bought.

69:15

20 minutes more before his next call. I get in and find the thermos that I do remember buying. Coffee will straighten up my brain, not matter how lousy that coffee may be.

72:43

The coffee is working wonders on me. I'll get back on the I-15 and just drive until he calls. It is as simple as that. I will not think about not retrieving Nick in time. I WILL not think about loosing Nick. I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE WITHOUT HIM. I WILL NOT. Inhale slowly… Exhale slowly… Inhale slowly… Exhale… slowly. And don't hold so tight on the steering wheel.

The traffic has thinned and it's mostly just these juggernauts of trucks hauling goods all over the states.

88:56

Please let my Nicky be safe.

89:12

Please let me get him back alive and in one piece.

89:59

I push the green button when the display flashes to life.

"Hallo."

"Good evening Dr. Sanders. Are you having a nice drive?"

"Yes. I'm on the I-15 now."

"Good. Let me know when you reach the 170."

"That's just before Mesquite?"

"Indeed Dr. Sanders. Now let us get to business. The Thomas Grierson case."

Grierson it rings a distant bell.

"Yes what about that case?"

"Do you know that it is coming up for appeal?"

Bingo. 2004. Nick and Catherine had worked a triple homicide and I had been included due to my extended knowledge of chemistry. The suspect was a chemistry teacher in high school.

"I was not aware of any appeal case."

"Anything you have on the case, all evidence and all reports. I want them in exchange for your Texan."

Holy shit; that case ended up at the feds and got classified stamped all over.

"Eh that… I'm sorry but the FBI came in on it and I think it got classified."

"Do you want your Texan back?"

For the first time emotion is detectable in the voice and it's as cold as an ice storm.

"Yes I do want him back. I shall see what I can do."

"Good. Someone in your position should be able to get that kind information. Is that not true Dr. Sanders?"

"As I said I shall do what I can."

"Good how far are you?"

"Just passed the 169."

"Good. Turn down the 170 and find Gold Butte Road. Follow that."

"170 and Gold Butte Road, and then what."

"Ah Dr. Sanders you will know when you see it. Now get what I asked for and you'll get your pretty Texan."

"How will I…" He hangs up and this is bad. Gold Butte is a god damn long ride to nothing much. And it means I'll be doubling back. I'm not even sure there is coverage for cell phones out there.

Better call up the Grierson case on the computer.

Thought as much, classified by the FBI. I feel like my Queen just got wiped of the board.

The only one who knows about this case besides me and Nick is Catherine. Shit If only I knew more, but I just did the chemistry things and was kept out of the rest of the case. Shit.

So I have only one option and that is to dig out Catherine from whatever rock she is hiding under at the moment.

Who can do that?

Grissom's wounds are still too raw. Warrick doesn't have a clue. Maybe Jacqui… nope not after she picked up Lindsey at the police station. Sara. My poor Sara.

"Sidle."

"It's me. I need you to do something for me."

"Sure. Anything that can help."

"Huh find Cath." I hate having to ask her. Especially after my behavior earlier.

"Wh-what? Why? What has she got to do with this?"

"Thomas Grierson. The bastard wants all the evidence and reports on the case. It's coming up for appeal soon."

"That's classified. I just tried to pull it up. Oh, Nick and Catherine worked that right?"

"Yes and I did some chemistry research for them. Nick dragged me out one day to this high school and I was probably wearing a Manson t-shirt. Find Catherine, sober her up and pump her for information. I can't remember what school or what year. I was so over the moon that Nick had taken me out on a case."

"Hmm he's always had that effect on you. I'll find her. But it might take some time."

"Good. He has me going down Gold Butte Road. I don't know how the coverage is out there."

"Oh, not good. I worked a case out there with Brass just before he retired."

"Ok I'll try to keep in touch. Sara find Sofia too. Isn't there something about her and a certain FBI- agent? Lean on her to get as much as you can."

"Will do, take care."

Gold Butte Road, finally.

I turn and embark on a road to something unknown. How am I supposed to find something I don't know what is, in the dark?

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Just darkness.

What if I miss it?

My fear has my stomach in a vice grip and it is just too much. I fight the nausea to no avail. At least I manage to stop and get out before my stomach contents exits the wrong way. My soul mate has been taken from me again. Why is it always him or me that get into these life threatening things?

He's been held at gunpoint numerous times, stalked and buried alive. I've been blown up and smashed up in that stupid car crash.

One more cramp and whatever that was left in there comes up. Did I buy water? I did, so I rinse my mouth and take a few small sips. For some weird reason I can hear Catherine's mothering voice in my head, telling me to take small sips.

Oh Cath, why did you break down like that?

It wasn't your fault. I was the one who didn't check what the warning light meant. I was the one that ignored normal safety procedures for driving a car after someone else had driven it. But who goes over normal safety procedures?

Who checks the oil, the brakes, the tire pressure, the airbags and the seatbelt?

I mean a lot of people don't even bother with the mirrors.

I check the car just to calm my nerves enough to drive on.

This is told by Nick:

Nigel Crane is pulling the trigger on the gun that he has trained on my heart. Then another gun appears in his hand and he pulls that trigger too and now Greg comes exploding out of car. Nigel is digging a hole with his legs holding a spade. The Plexiglas coffin explodes and Greg lands on the floor in a tangle of limbs and burnt flesh. The light becomes so bright that I can't see anything; I can just hear explosions and the pull of triggers.

I stare up into the three tubes in the ceiling, panting hard trying to grasp what is going on.

Kidnapped, drugged, handcuffed to this bed and otherwise in the dark.

I feel clammy and with a sweep of my left hand I realize that I'm covered in sweat. That is not good. Getting wet is a bad idea. It will increase the shock to my system over time.

Good, think like a scientist. Solve problems, think ahead and protect yourself.

I peel the sheets off as much as I can and dry myself. Not easy with that hand cuffed.

I can feel a mild bout of shakes coming up. Better use the sheet for cover. It would be a bad idea to start freezing now.

The handcuffs.

I know exactly how they work and I know that I am in no position to pick the lock. Best bet is to destroy the headboard. Not much to do with hair and fibers.

Metal, what kind of metal?

Is it stronger than what the cuffs are made of?

How are the bars joined?

How did I end up here?

Why are they keeping me locked up?

Why are they not interrogating me or worse?

Metal bars come on man you can do this. Remember the evidence never lies. That's what suspects and lawyers do.

The metal is hard, duh most metals are. The bars are joined by some clumsily welding. Hah even I can do that better! Maybe I can take one of the joints apart.

With what?

My teeth or heck how about some shoelaces. Oh that's right they won't come off any time soon.

I hate that mocking sarcastic side of my self. But right now it is keeping me sane. If I want to survive I have to stay sane. I should have learned that lesson after being buried for 24 fucking hours. The nightmare was a mix of three old well known ones, so move along nothing to see here.

The metal bar and the welding.

Is there anything in this room that I can reach and use?

No.

No.

No.

No.

Great that just covered all four side of the bed.

Sides… how about under it?

The floor is cold and slightly damp?!

How long have I been out?

Cold and damp are not that easy to find in the desert.

There's nothing under the bed.

Wait up.

What about the construction of the bed?

Four separate sides held by nuts and bolts. Maybe I can screw the whole thing apart?

The bolt that is within easy reach doesn't even consider moving despite my best effort.

Shit.

I can feel the cold seep through my clothes so I better get off the ground again.

Okay I'm back in bed now momma.

This is getting to my nerves. I can't see any possible way out of this without help.

Meditate.

I learned it after… in the summer of 2005. It helps me to focus.

I need to focus on something good. I need to focus on Greg.

It's almost like watching a movie. I remember the first day we met. My initial surprise over the instant attraction. The many flirts over the years.

I remember how he could always cheer me up with just a single smile. I remember how our friendship no longer was just a friendship. The intensity of the first mutual kiss. Our first kiss was awkward. I wasn't prepared and he was testing me. Well five minutes later we had it down. He is the first and only man I've ever kissed with. I wasn't his first man, but hey it's Greggo we are talking about. I think it was good though, because he knew exactly what to do and he taught me the pleasures of having sex with another man. WOW.

He is the personification of love, for me. Some of my colleagues find him I guess arrogant. Maybe it's because of what he says. He has this line that is kind of his signature.

"A CSI needs to learn enough about everything, so he can determine what expert to use. Because a single man can never know everything."

He uses it when teamwork has taken a break and everybody is heading nowhere in separate directions. He has also adopted Grissom's "The evidence never lies."

Well I guess that is his prerogative as a supervisor.

I love working with him and for him. I take great pride in having trained him when he became a CSI. But I take even more pride in him being my supervisor now.

He is better than me.

He is more intelligent and he has good people skills.

He knows who to use and when to use them.

He has even had Hodges interrogate a witness.

Everybody at the Lab thought he was joking. But he was right; the witness spilled everything to Hodges. I still have no idea how or why.

He is the sun in my solar system.

This is told by Greg:

The road seems endless and I'm driving at walking pace to ensure that I don't miss anything. Both cells are reporting no signal, so I turn my own off to preserve the battery.

The onboard computer has satellite communication, but no audio connection. Thanks again Ecklie. Sara has sent me an update:

Greg
Found Cath, running a tox screen on her so we can sober her up. She is angry.
Warrick has found vague footprints under the window to the study. Probably won't help.
FBI has got red tape all over. Sofia is trying to persuade her friend.
Sara

Why is this Thomas Grierson so damn important?

Is it something he knows or does?

I don't even know the contents of the appeal. Not many pawns left on the board.

Every time a road branches out I stop and examine the surroundings. Every time coming up empty. For some unknown reason this road and its branches are only smudges on the computer map. I'm pretty much in the dark and the timeline for this night is off. Maybe there are two kidnappers. When was that bag delivered? I type a quick message to Sara.

If there are two, one could be holding Nick and the other could easily lead me around by the nose for days. No stop don't go there. Come on Sanders you can handle this.

The old cool cat Catherine pops into my head and mothers me calm. I miss you so much.

The car I crashed in… I had leant it out to her the day before. She had had a baby carrier on the front seat and disengaged the airbag. Only that old car had an all off or all on switch. I can't recall why she drove around with a baby or why she used my car.

She took the blame for my broken bones, because she had forgotten to reactivate the airbags. At the same time she totally lost contact with Warrick and she just started to fall apart.

I can clearly remember how the life drained out of her. We all fought hard to help her. But nobody harder than Grissom. He was the one who found her when she had slit her wrists. He was the one who watched over her after she got released back home. He was the one who picked her up from bars and casinos when she got too drunk.

Eventually we could no longer hide her downfall and Ecklie sent her off in disgrace.

And now we need her desperately.

The orange flashes on the screen again.

Greg
The bag was delivered 10 minutes before the fax came.
2 man job?
Sara

2 man job; one of the opponents pawns just became a queen.

The horizon is growing brighter and I guess that the sun will make an appearance in half an hour.

Another road branching off.

Hells Kitchen Road.

Bingo we have a winner.

I pull over and jump out eager to see if there are any vital clues here except the name of the road. 20 meters down the road there is a metal box half hidden with foliage. I put on a pair of latex gloves and open the box. There is note and a sat-phone in it.

WELL DONE DR. SANDERS

TURN ON THE PHONE

8-DIGIT PIN

AWAIT MY CALL

8-digit pin?

Nick's birthday?

Does the phone block after 3 failed logins?

I bag the note and dust the phone and the box and get nothing.

So all I have to do is figure out an 8-digit code. It could be any birthday relating to the case. It could be a name…

Grierson is 8 letters, so maybe it is as simple as that.

I'm rewarded by a welcome message:

GOOD MORNING DR. SANDERS
GO BACK TO THE 170
CALL YOU LATER

The bastard has planned this way too careful. I test the sat-phone and call a landline number and of course it too is blocked for outgoing calls. I am getting sick of this.

The orange flashing catches my attention again.

Greg
There is a road named Hells Kitchen out there.
Maybe that is what he means by welcome to hell.
I think Sara is right about the 2 man job. Sorry.
We are treating Catherine and if all go well…
3 hours and she should be talking.
Grissom

Hah one of my pawns just made it to queen hood too. He is a brilliant thinker and I am so glad that I can use his mind for this one.

I relay my findings to the others via the computer and drink some highly caffeinated soft drink that tastes awful.

The trip back to the 170 is much faster, so I pull over just before it, not knowing what way to turn.

The dashboard clock tells me that it is in fact bright and early, even though I feel it is darker than ever before.

05:49

My thoughts stray in a million directions.

05:58

Maybe they go by the top of the hour?

Which means that me being tailed real careful didn't matter?

Which means that I've been on a treasure hunt while they have stashed Nick somewhere else?

05:59

I wrap up the rest of the chocolate bar and put it back in the bag.

06:00

Huh nothing?

What about my wrist watch?

05:59:30

Okay 30 seconds more.

06:00:00

The sat phone rings loud and clear.

"Hello."

"Good morning Dr. Sanders. I see that you are making fine time."

"Eh thank you."

"So what have you got for me Dr. Sanders?"

Don't lie, don't deny.

"A lot of red tape with the feds, but I'm working on it."

"That is not good Dr. Sanders. I thought you would prefer to have your Texan back alive."

Swallow, stay calm. Give him a pinky.

"I would prefer that. I'll know more in three hours."

"Good Dr. Sanders. Go to Mesquite airfield."

"Mesquite airfield. Understood."

"We will talk again at 09:00."

Great he hung up on me again. Well saves me the trouble of saying too much or too little.

The cell is still not picking up a signal. It won't take three hours to get to Mesquite, maybe I should meet up with Vega. Or maybe they are just lulling me into believing that I am not being watched. My left hand protests as I punch the steering wheel, I guess I have been doing it too many times tonight.

Come on, simple task, get the file, and get Nick.

Grissom
I am headed to Mesquite Airfield, next contact at 09:00.
I need something I can feed this (or these) guy(s) with.
They could have him anywhere by now. This appears to be a well planned treasure hunt.
Has Cath started talking?
Greg

I send the message to Vega as well. The lack of answers is killing me, no correct that, the lack of evidence is what is killing me. I empty the last thermos of coffee while I wait for some answers. Nick will put me on a Sara-diet for the next two weeks to detox me. I hope he will…

What if this time we won't make it through to the other side?

For every shitty thing that has happened to us so far we have just grown stronger.

Liar!

Nick has nightmares per default. Not big ones like he has right after an incident. But he doesn't sleep easy, he thrashes around like a mad man twice a night, eh day. I have been working night for more than 10 years and I still think like that. Funny how something are just integrated in your language like that.

He calms down the second I whisper his name and touches his back, always his back. If I accidentally touch elsewhere he easily freaks out…

The orange pulls me back to reality.

Greg
Cath is shouting bloody murder and we are trying to keep Warrick out of it.
Sara is doing her best to get her talking.
Sofia might be on to something about Grierson.
I will send you a report before 09:00, no matter how thin.
I agree on the treasure hunt.
Grissom

Damn it, this is like walking in quicksand.

The road to Mesquite is not very trafficked at this hour and I really don't care about speed limits right now. Just need to find him real soon. Three hours you set that time yourself Sanders. So you can only thank yourself for a two hour wait in some small airfield Sanders.

Mesquite is small compared to Las Vegas and now I have to sit here until 9 am. Great just great.

This is told by Nick:

"Good morning Sunshine."

Hmm I love when he says Sunshine; that means he's got a nice surprise for me.

"Good morning Sweetie."

"Come on I've got a surprise for you, let's go."

I take his hand and he pulls me out of bed and I follow him.

"Where are we going?"

"Now if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise would it Sunshine?"

"No that's true."

He has taken me to the Zoo. I love the Zoo, I love watching the animals and he knows that. My favorite is the bird house. There are so many strange birds and plants in here that I can stay here the whole day and just watch.

He watches too, but he sees the world differently. Where I just see the birds; he sees the color of the walls, the shape and state of every plant and all the animals present. When he is watching like that; he has no filter; he just takes it all in.

When he opens up like that his eyes shine in a unique way.

The first time he watched me like that I got scared, real scared from the intensity. But I was also flattered.

The hand sneaking into mine brings promise of more than just the surprise of going to the Zoo.

"Do you see the couple over there?"

I follow the way he's pointing and there are two men over there. They are perhaps 5 years older than me, one has the build of Warrick but is Hispanic, and the other is shorter and chubby but Slavic in his features. They have two kids with them and they look like a happy family.

"Hmm, they look happy."

"I think it is time that we have children."

Bam, just like that he says it. I must be radiating happiness and I want to say so much.

"Y-yes."

I have wanted children for so long now, but he has held back. I know it is a big commitment but others working night shift has done it before us. Heck I would love to be at home if it meant we could have children.

"Is that all you can say. I thought you wanted to?"

"I do, I do want this; more than anything. You've no idea how happy this makes me!"

"I think I do."

He gives me his biggest smile and I melt on the spot. He returns his eyes to the exotic birds and points out a few details to me. But he knows me so well; he knows that I need time to process what he's just said.

The issue of children has always been the main disagreement between us. I wanted them from the first time we kissed, but he didn't. Too big a commitment, he would say.

How can we make time for children, when we barely have time for each other? When we moved together he accepted low maintenance pets; so we got fish. After a year of me pestering him we got two cats. He chose them and named them of course.

So we got two grey Norwegian Forest cats named Hydrogen and Helium. At least he didn't name them after some amino-acid or worse.

"They get to have regular people names right?"

With his goofy smile plastered across his face he turns to me.

"Of course. How basic do you want it? Adam and Eve?"

"No but no Sky or Blossom or chemical names."

"Wouldn't do that to any child of mine. I went to school with Vanilla and Cloud. They had hell with those names."

"And here I thought that it was my generation that suffered the worst."

We never really dwell on the fact that I'm four years older than him. So I'm rewarded with a light shove and laughter.

"Sunshine I have to go; there are a few things that I need to care of."

"You can't leave now; we need to talk about this."

But he does leave. He leaves through a door I have never seen before and the birds and plants they slip out with him.

"Don't go."

"Don't worry Sunshine I'll come back and get you real soon. I just have to take care of a few things. I'll see you later."

The door closes after him and I'm all alone.

I'm all alone and handcuffed to a bed in a windowless room.

His presence was so real!

I smelled the plants.

I felt him shove me.

I felt his hand in mine.

This is beginning to really piss me off. It's of course a lot easier being like this than in a coffin with fire ants. But I really hope that my colleagues don't get to see me ‘live' like they did then. It took me a long time to accept that their torture were almost as bad as my own.

How Greg was able to do it I have no idea.
But he was there for me. He was cheerful when I needed his happy face and he took the hard talks when they were needed.
Everybody else walked on eggshells and treated me with kid gloves. That nearly lost me the last part of my sanity.
Maybe I shouldn't go there.
Maybe I should meditate.
Maybe I should stick to positive thinking.

If they have me on live feed; I need to show them that I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.

This is told by Greg:

I should get some sleep.

It's not likely anything will happen before nine am.

So all I should do is lean back and close my eyes.

How can I relax when someone has taken the love of my life from me?

There are so many things that we haven't done yet and so many things that I've denied you over the years.

Oh Nicky I promise you that we'll have children when I find you. Anything you want Sunshine, anything.

I'll give you an entire Zoo if that'll make you happy.

I won't complain about the names that you choose for our pets in the future. You can name them after any sports jock you like. I'll even walk them.

Anything you want Sunshine.

Anything.

How could I ever live without you and your ways?
You are everything to me.
And yet I treat you like you have no opinion of your own.
I tell you what to wear.
I tell you what you can have and what you can't.
When did this happen?
When did you surrender all control to me?
Why did you surrender all control to me?

The computer blinks and pulls me back to the reality of looking for Nick.

Greg
I'm uploading what we have so far. Catherine has remembered a few things. Sofia has been able to get some names. The FBI has announced their arrival. They are going to take over.
Ecklie is furious.
We have 5 names connected with Grierson that are unaccounted for. Michael Gore
James ‘Jimmy' Schwarz
Larry ‘Finger' Johnson
Diana ‘Mini' Stein
Matthew ‘Mattie' Holmes

There is one thing you learn as a CSI and that is to have a safe place to vomit in.

Mattie Holmes.

The coffee and the chocolate bars that has kept me going all night greets me on the way out of the window.

Mattie Holmes.

No need to look for a suspect anymore.

I have to tell Grissom.

Grissom
Mattie Holmes. He's my ex and this is personal.
Nick is taken because he's my partner. Contact Det. Lorraine Hansen Seattle PD, she will fill you in.
Definitely 2 man job. Second guy will be approx 19.
Greg

08:53

The download bar indicates 2 more minutes before download is complete. This just became so much worse. I feel numb.

Come on Sanders clear your head of those memories. Just remember how he operates and how he can be countered. At least I know my adversary now.

08:54

One minute before download is complete. I bet his partner will pick up the data and I know exactly what this kid will be like.

Which will give me the upper hand if I can control my own raw wounds.

08:55

Download complete. Thanks heaven for that. My game of chess has become two games, one where I have the upper hand and one where I'm still way behind.

08:56

I wonder if his boy will be here or if I'll be redirected again.

New message from Grissom.

Greg
I am about to call her.
Are you going to be ok?
FBI just took over here and they are not telling us anything.
For once I agree with Ecklie.
Grissom

08:59

Not long to wait for the next move

09:00

30 seconds to go.

The sat-phone rings again.

"Hello."

"Hello Dr. Sanders. How do you like Mesquite?"

"Just fine. The sightseeing is easily taken care of."

"Yes. Now Dr. Sanders if you look to your left, there is a shack."

"I see it."

"Next to the door you will find a small hook. On that hangs a USB-key. Take that and copy the Grierson report onto it."

"I'll go and get it. I have not been able to get the full report yet."

"Do you want your Texan in one piece?"

"Yes I do. I am working with the feds red tape. But they are reluctant to give it over."

"That is your misfortune."

"They have taken over Nick Stokes' kidnapping and I risk being pulled in, if you don't give me some leeway." For the first time he takes time to think about his next move.

"Let me review the data and I'll call you back. Just hang the key back once you have copied the report."

"I will do that. I'm trying my best to get the report."

"Good day Dr. Sanders."

That way of talking, why didn't I recognize it sooner?

It takes me less than three minutes to hang back the key.

09:12

What is taking him so long?

The key was snatched of the hook 20 seconds after I got back in the car. He has had plenty of time to upload and Mattie should have read its meager contest by now.

09:21

I think I've gotten 10 years older in the past 10 minutes.

Finally the phone.

"Hello."

"Dr. Sanders that is nowhere near enough."

"I know and I am working on the rest."

"How long?"

Why is he leaving that to me?

Say this without denying anything.

"LVPD and the FBI are trying to arrange something. They are barely on speaking terms though."

Don't waver, just let him know.

"I don't care Dr. Sanders."

"I know; the FBI is feeding us a lot of bull. I don't know how fast I can get it. Give me 4 hours."

"Granted."

"I need to go back to the lab."

"Stay in the state and I'll call you in 4 hours."

I give Vega the go ahead to snatch up Mattie's boy. The way Mattie reacted means that he no longer has any use for this kid.

His taste in boys hasn't changed. This kid looks like I did when I was 19.

"Vega let him stew on the way back. No one talks to him on the way back understood?"

"Sure no problem Greg."

He's invaluable the good detective, he never asks why I do things the way I do them. He'll just wait for me to explain later on.

Grissom/Sara
I'm coming in with his accomplice. My guess is that Mattie is holding Nick somewhere in Vegas.
Greg

The drive back is long and tedious.

What are all those people doing out on the roads today?

"Gil Grissom Las Vegas crime lab, can I please talk to Det. Lorraine Hansen?"

"Hang on while I patch you through."

"Hansen!"

"Gil Grissom Las Vegas crime lab."

"What has happened to Greg?"

"Eh, his partner has been kidnapped."

"What! Nick… oh my God."

"Eh… how well do you know Greg and Nick?"

"Can you talk freely Griss, that's what they call you right?"

"It is, eh the FBI is here."

"Go somewhere private and I'll call you on your cell."

"Are you able to talk freely now Griss?"

"Hmm… yes I went up on the roof. How do you know my cell number?"

"Greg told me. Why are you calling me and not him?"

"He said to call you. He thinks it's Mattie Holmes that has kidnapped Nick."

"Oh my God! Not that creep."

"What happened?"

"It is a very long story Griss. I met Greg in the ER when he was 19. He had been brought in by Mattie Holmes, claiming he had slipped in the bathroom. I was there with a rape-victim and a rookie partner. Let me put it this way: I have seen a lot of abuse cases over the years. Greg's was a classic."

"I had no idea."

"Not many people do. But their interaction and Greg's injuries told a different story than what was put in his medical report. Mattie left for a meeting and I asked Greg if he was good at remembering phone numbers. He claimed so and I gave him my number for when he would want out."

"I guess he called you."

"Well he almost left it too late… Mattie Holmes is an army-interrogator. He served in the Gulf-war and Greg became his boy when he came home. Greg called me after a week, but he chickened out… Then another week later he called again and he was in real bad trouble. I called in some favors and went over to get him. We broke the door down and found him curled up in the kitchen beaten into a pulp."

"Did you arrest Holmes?"

"Yeah, but the army sprung him in record time. They covered it up and moved him else where. I took care of Greg afterwards… I can't have children, so he became a surrogate child for me. I took a bullet in the belly as a young street cop and it ruined my uterus."

"You don't beat around the bush."

"No I don't. Besides if Greg has told you to call me. It's because he needs you to know this. Listen Mattie is a pro… He wouldn't have moved Nick far."

"Does it mean something that his hiking boots are missing?"

"It sure does. If he gave him one of those date-rape-drugs, Nick would still be able to walk supported by someone but have no clue as to what is going on. The boots will support him enough to make it look natural when he walks off with him."

"So you think he is close to their home?"

"Given what I know about that creep… yes. He's probably not moved him more than 3 miles. You want to look for a place with a fairly big windowless room."

"Hmm it narrows it down, but there are still a lot of places."

"I'll fly in and meet you at the lab."

"Eh ok. Det. Hansen thank you… I don't know."

"Listen Griss it's ok and call me Hans everybody else does."

"Ok Hans I guess I owe you."

"No you don't, see you later Griss."

"'Bye."

This is told by Grissom:

I can't believe the nature of the phone call that I just had with ‘Hans'. Greg has never mentioned her before and I really don't blame him for not wanting anybody to know that kind of stuff about him. At least she gave me something to go on.

Now all I have to do is find Mattie Holmes' hiding place.

If I'm lucky Catherine will be sober enough by now to remember more than just names. Sara is going to be more than pissed after being stuck with her, but then again Greg wouldn't have asked Sara to find Catherine if he didn't think she could handle it. My brain is already listing all the possible buildings that fit the description she gave me, as I make my way to the interview room where the ladies are.

I don't want to barge in, so I go into the viewing room and find a broken Warrick in front of the window. He turns and his green eyes have faded behind the tears. Have I ever seen him cry?

"Should you even be in here Warrick?" He shrugs his shoulders and I know that look.

"What was your call about?" He doesn't even try to explain and had Nick or Greg been in my shoes they would have been holding him tight trying to sooth the pain. I can't.

"Mattie Holmes. He and Greg lived together once." If Warrick is shocked he doesn't show it, just nods.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, the woman I called is the one who got Greg out of the relationship. Mattie used him as a punching bag." I hate having to tell him, but Greg's life is no longer private, it's a case.

Sometimes Warrick can really surprise me and his knowing nod makes my blood freeze.

Until now I hadn't looked in on the interrogation. Catherine is strapped down in a chair with two IV's in her left arm and hooked up to a heart-monitor. Sara is sitting in front of her fighting to keep her cool. I know them both so well and the scene before me makes me shot out any feelings.

"Nick told me about Greg having been in an abusive relationship a long time ago."

I snap for my next breath and I pinch my nose to refocus.

"She said to look for a fairly big room with no windows. Holmes is an interrogator for the army. She thought that he probably wouldn't have moved Nick more than a few miles. Might even have walked off with him. Drugged him in some way."

I can barely focus and though the audio is switched off, the insults coming from Catherine makes my skin crawl.

"I'll get some maps going with Archie and hopefully we can narrow it down to a few buildings." Warrick rubs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath before looking one more time through the window.

"It's not your fault!" What else can I say?

"It feels like it." With that he leaves the room.

I turn my attention to the two women. Sara is suffering mentally and Catherine physically. If only I could go in there and remove all the pain. Sara would want me to; she has always believed that I alone can make things better for her, but how?

I'm not an affectionate man and no woman should ever suffer from my lack of affection.

Bracing myself I walk into the lions den or in this case; the lionesses. Catherine gives me a mean stare and I hold it, regretting it; when I see the emptiness there. She does her best to appear intimidating, but lost is the only word I can think of. My Catherine is lost.

"Whadda ya want?" She drawls and I have to confirm her question with reading her lips.

"To find Nick." I rarely speak without thinking and when I do; it is disastrous.

"Oh you've lost your little Nicky again, too bad that he's all Greg's." The snide remark hits deep.

"Catherine, what do you remember about Thomas Grierson and Mattie Holmes?" Deep down I don't want to know, but for Nick's sake I have to find out.

"Always so cold and professional, huh Gil Grissom, best way not to get hurt." She spits the words out and a spray of saliva is visible in the air.

"This is not about me, but Nick. What do you remember?" Only years of training enables me to keep my voice neutral.

"I wrote it in the report, why don't you just look it up?!" Her anger is evaporating slowly but steadily. Sara sighs and I guess that they have been over the red tape more than once.

"Catherine please." The plea has her lifting her head again and a flicker of understanding crosses her face.

"The chem teacher Grierson, was a right prick. I remember Nick getting really worked up over the bastard…. Holmes was a has-been lover."

"Did you talk to Holmes?" I can see glimpses of he old Catherine and it gives me hope.

"Nah, he was off somewhere with the army." She stops, searching for the next word and I catch Sara's gaze for a moment. The brown eyes are sad but also determined in a scary way.

"Grierson was an abusive bastard and I think Holmes was one of his first ‘victims'. Some of his past lovers were adamant that he was a good guy." Catherine sags further down in the chair.

"Holmes was in a relationship with Greg." Both women stare at me in disbelief and I clench my jaw to strangle any emotions.

"The abused becomes the abusive…" At least Catherine's logic still works.

"Grissom, Nick was molested as a child." I close my eyes and hold my breath, Nick has never told me and suddenly there are quite a few things that add up.

"No." Sara barely whispers the word and yet it echoes in the room like she shouted it.

"Catherine do you have any idea where Nick could be held captive here in Vegas?" Not the most clever question, but it's all I can manage.

"Not really, except there is that old industrial area not far from their house, if they still live in the same place that is." The fight has gone out of her and so has the drugs, because she starts to shake.

"Thank you Cath." I leave and the doctor that Sara had on standby enters.

I decide it is time to call Greg and like Hans I don't beat around the bush.

"Greg listen, Grierson apparently did to Holmes what he did to you." Greg inhales sharply.

"Right, when we come in with the kid you interview him and you gotta play it cool."

"Ok."

"Thanks Grissom."

"Bye." I know that saying more to him now is futile, we simply need to find Nick.

This is told by Warrick:

I know I shouldn't be here watching. I know that it won't do me any good. But still I watch her. Her hair is a mess and her skin is a mess, she used to be so beautiful. She used to be the center of my life.

I don't dare to switch the audio on, I'm not sure that I can handle to hear her as well. So I watch. The feds has taken most off our hands and that just sucks. It sucks that Nick has been fucking kidnapped again. Why is he always the one getting into trouble? Why is she?

Grissom walks in on me and I know that he won't like me being here one bit.

"Should you even be in here Warrick?" No not really, but I don't feel like giving into the tears now.

"What was your call about?" I try to find a controlled posture that will get him off my case.

He can't give me what I need and I know that he is every bit as frustrated as I am.

Grissom tells me what I already know. Nick broke down one day after a bad case; Greg was still at work so I offered my shoulder. I nod to let him know that I'm listening even though my mind is somewhere down memory lane. Nick had cried long and hard sobbing his heart out to me. He had told about his hands on babysitter and Greg's abusive relationship and their relationship. I had been suspecting it, but my bro had kept me in the dark for a while.

For everybody's sake I need to pull my act together, Grissom pinches he nose for comfort Nick rub his neck and I, well I rub my face. I hear words spoken in my voice, but I feel so distant to them.

"It's not you fault!" His statement makes my hair stand on end and I can't bear to be in here anymore.

"It feels like it." And it still does, it feels like it was my fault that Nick got thrown out of a window, that he got buried and that she gave up on life.

I leave him behind and head for the A/V lab hoping not to run into any of those damn feds. Who do they think they are? Barging in and taking over, we've found him before and we'll do it again. The tears are so close and I despise myself for not staying cool. Nicky works better when he runs on emotions, but I loose it. I need to stay cool calm and collect otherwise I might just as well call it quits.

"Hey."

I enter the lab and Archie is huddled over something I can't make out.

"Hey, shut the door." The whisper is strained and I do as told.

"What's up?" My cool voice is back on track and Archie lifts his head and checks me over.

"A lot! The feds are wreaking havoc on my system!" I don't blame him for his anger, but I need him to work with me here.

"Listen man we have a lead on what kind of place Nick would be held in." The adrenaline boost in him is visible and he darts over to another computer and calls up a map.

"Tell me." I relay the information Grissom gave me and we have it down to 23 possible buildings in 5 minutes. That was the easy part and now we have to check out all kinds of information on each of the remaining buildings. It is tedious and time consuming and so goddamn typical of our work.

"How are you coming along?" Greg's sudden appearance makes me jump and I hate that.

"We are down to 14 possible ones, but we're still on it." My heart pounds faster as his fears rub off on me. He's pale to the point where white is the true word and he has clearly been sweating the sweat of fear.

"Good." He takes a closer look at the map on the screen. I hear him rule out a few for Archie and suddenly I remember that he was bringing in someone to be interviewed.

"What happened to your suspect?"

"Grissom is having a wee chat with him. He'll be able to get information out of him."

My cool is knocked out by all the shit going through my mind and just like that Greg wraps me up in a bear hug. I don't know how he does it, he is suffering badly himself and yet he still manages to be here for me. I'm only vaguely aware of Archie tapping away on his keyboard as I stand there holding onto Greg for dear life.

"Oh man, this is so not happening." Archie follows his outburst with a tirade a profanities and Greg guides me down on a chair. I try to get back to what is happening and hear Archie explain about some missing info on one of the buildings. Suddenly I feel a glimmer of hope and move over to the screen.

A knock on the door has us all moving as one body. Greg waves Grissom in and the blue eyes sparkle in that unique way telling that he is hyped up about a case.

"Greg that kid took his sweet time, but he kept saying something about Rosenthal, whenever I asked him where Holmes resides." Grissom has his glasses in one hand and is pinching his nose with the other, thinking hard.

"Rosenthal…Rosenthal…" It's like Greg's tasting the word and I get the image of a snake tasting the air in my head. I don't recognize it as something connected to any of the buildings that we are looking in to.

Nick.

Nick is still in the hands of a psychopath and I fucking hate it. I hated it all those years ago when we were looking for where he was buried. I'll never forget the ride in the ambulance with him all shaking and suffering. I'll never forget that flip of coin, never.

The stubble on my face rasps against my palm as I rub my face for God knows what time tonight, day whatever. I keep seeing Nick in all sorts of trouble and I just want to keep him safe, out of harms reach.

"The name rings a bell… Rosenthal studios! Look it up Archie. I think it's abandoned, but there's a sign over a side door saying Rosenthal if my memory serves me correctly." Greg sounds eager yet distant and too much like Grissom right now. Who can blame him?

I don't even want to think about her right now because it just hurts too much. Closing my eyes was not a good idea, because all I see is Cath and my little baby. We should've been happy. I open my eyes and fix them on Greg, who is staring at the information on the screen before him.

This is told by Greg:

The drive back nearly had me loose it completely. It took beyond an eternity. At least Grissom got something out of that kid.

Rosenthal.

I have seen the sign enough times when driving to the Chinese take away, so I should have remembered it sooner. It seems like the perfect place for him to use. My scars are itching, every single one that I've obtained over the years, like they always do when things are too damn bad.

The ownership of the building and all the rest only confirms my suspicion. It has to be it, it needs to be it. I need to find him soon.

Very soon.

And I need to make things right. How often have I denied him what he wanted, just because I didn't like the idea or thought it could disrupt our careers?

"This is it!" I want to shout it, but the feds nearby presences makes me whisper instead. The name D. Stein is staring at me from the screen. I remember the bitch now. She was Mattie's public girlfriend back when I was his punching-bag. Grissom and Archie are staring wide eyed at me waiting for the go ahead. I check my watch that I set to count down the four hours.

1:34:17, one hour thirty four minutes and seventeen seconds to find Nick and apprehend Mattie.

"It all fits. He'll be alone, but he will have secured the perimeters. Some kind of alarm system. Warrick get Sara, Grissom, Archie you're coming with me. Where's Vega?" My heart is racing and my brain is infusing massive dosages of adrenaline into my veins.

"I'm here. I'll get the word out low." Vega is an angel and I so don't need the feds to mess this up.

Ecklie is discussing something with the fed in charge when we walk past his office. I put a finger over my mouth and Ecklie doesn't move a muscle in response.

"Warrick we'll take your SUV so no vehicles are missing per se." A general nod of agreeing is all that I get. Sara is checking her pistol over and Grissom follows suit. Instinct tells me to reload my own and Archie is handing out bulletproof vests. I didn't tell him to get them nor did I notice him getting them.

Once again I'm on the road and I've really had more than enough of the Las Vegas clutter some insist on calling traffic.

"Warrick did you see the cats when you were over at our house?" I suddenly remember that nobody has mentioned them at all. Both went out when I left which is quite normal for them.

"Nah can't say that I did." Warrick has regained a bit of his composure, but he is still close to the edge of complete breakdown.

"Damn." Nick's gonna freak if anything has happened to them.

Grissom is driving and I know we are close, I know how my neighborhood smells. The buildings are so familiar and yet tonight alien. They've suddenly all become potential dungeons holding my man captive.

"Is that one over to the left." I point at the run down warehouse or whatever it once was. Grissom pulls over across the street from the building and when I get out I see several familiar vehicles in the vicinity.

We meet up behind an entranceway where we are out of sight. Vartann has dug out some blueprints and Grissom and Vega are going over them with him. I should be there too, but my brain is too fried for tactics.

1:03:32
1:03:31
1:03:30

"Greg?" Sara puts an arm around me and guides me over to where the detectives are standing. I try to focus on the conversation.

"Ok, he's got some censors up outside, nothing too fancy though. I can override them, but there's something weird hooked up to the key box up under the window with the broken glass." Archie says and I just nod; this all sounds like Mattie.

My fight to stay focused is getting harder.

"Greg! You shouldn't be going in." Vartann looks at me with his intense eyes and I know he means well, but I have to go in. I have to find Nick.

"He's right Greg. We'll go in. You're too involved." Grissom states the obvious and if I wasn't so drained I would argue that I need to be there.

0:58:42

They make their way across the street and I see Archie and Warrick work the censors and alarms. They go inside through the door under the sign. I push off from the car I was leaning on and cross the street too. I can't stay outside. I follow inside and instinct steers me towards the basement. There is quiet, really quiet.

0:52:58

The quiet continues and I see Sara standing on a landing looking at something on the railing. Silently I inch my way towards her. She gives me the evil stare and I stare right back. We know each other too well, so she shrugs her shoulders and point to a piece of torn fabric. It doesn't come from any of Nick's clothing that's for sure and I shake my head once just to let her know. She shrugs her shoulders again and moves one step further down.

0:45:21

I know that it is a large building but why is it taking them so long. I have resigned to stay behind Sara who is collecting evidence. Right now I can't see the use for her actions, but a little very sensible voice in the back of mind tells me that a lot will be disrupted should Nick actually be here. Sara moves down another step.

0:41:10

I hear shouting, but the voices are muffled by the distance and then there is silence again.

We stand there on the stairs barely daring to breathe.

Bang, bang.

This is told by Nick:

I really don't feel good. I've no clue to how long I've been here in this room. I've tried to count the seconds when the light is on to get an idea. But it is hard not to move at all, so whether there's a randomizer attached or I'm just being too active I don't know. The first time I counted I reached 224, the second time 180 and the third count was about 800, but I thought I heard something so maybe I moved.

I really don't feel good at all. The handcuff feels like it's digging directly into my bones and my shoulder like I've been lifting weights all day. I guess it's like that strange swollen numbness that always follows a guilt-induced workout.

I really don't feel like me, I feel like everything is off. My body is aching from being prone for too long. My head is throbbing and though I've never had a migraine I'm sure this qualifies. I fidget to find a better position, but there are none left that I haven't already tried and gotten sore from.

Cough.

A cough?
Who's coughing?
Shall I scream for help?
Or be real quiet?

My brain does its best to give me enough adrenaline to handle the situation. Normally I love the metallic smell in my nose when it comes from running. But now where it is fear induced it feels like my blood is on fire.

I think I can hear footsteps.

Definitely footsteps, there's a strange echo and somebody is breathing audibly. Fear grips me even harder and changes my blood to ice and my body starts to shiver involuntarily. The steps pause at the door and my heart is racing faster than ever before.

A key is inserted in the lock and I can feel beads of sweat trickle down over my face. The key is turned and the handle pushed down.

I'm terrified.

A man enters and he looks so much like Grissom, but sadly he isn't.

"Had a nice sleep Mr. Stokes?" The ice cold blue eyes nail me deeper into the bed.

"Who are you?" I croak.

"Someone who needed you for leverage Mr. Stokes." There's something I should be recognizing.

"Why?" My throat hurts and my voice sounds like an angle grinder being used against metal.

"Don't you worry your pretty head with that Mr. Stokes." He is so arrogant and suddenly Greg's words ring in my head.

He has those really scary blue eyes and he would always call me Mr. Sanders to do me down. Mattie had this strange hold over me. I really couldn't fight him though my sensibility screamed bloody murder. I mean I knew it was wrong, that I wasn't supposed to get beaten by my lover. But one look from him had me thinking that it was all my fault and that I only got what I deserved. Hans saved me, well at least she came to my rescue in time. But you know I'm not sure I would even have contemplated leaving him if it wasn't for my encounter with her in the ER.

I feel guilty under his stare and his words only make the feeling stronger. I know that I can't let him get to me. But I think he already has seen how weak I am. He strides purposefully towards the bed and I don't want to pull back but I do. I can feel the headboard pressing harder against the back of my head.

This is it!

He will mutilate me and throw me out!
He said needed, not need.
Greg; please!
I need you now!

Mattie stares at me as if I fascinate him and I hardly dare breathe. My heart is pumping too fast and I'm getting dizzy. He doesn't do anything but stare. I can't believe how weak I am. Now all I try is to hold the tears back.

"So Mr. Stokes, do you think that Dr. Sanders will come and get you?" The way he says the words makes all my hopes leave. I have to believe in Greg, I have to believe.

"He will." I want the words to be strong, but they are not.

He gives me a spiteful stare and I feel any walls left crumble.

"Mr. Holmes! You're under arrest!" Grissom!

I roll off the bed and onto the floor on the right side where I am cuffed to it, fortunately for me Mattie is on the other side. There's no way I want to risk being held at gunpoint again.

"Think again." Mattie snaps and spins round drawing a weapon. I know that he is a professional soldier. The shock renders me boneless and I'm vaguely aware of my bladder emptying.

Bang, bang.

The double tap from a crouching Grissom imprints on my mind like a tattoo.

This is told by Greg:

We both forget all about collecting evidence and just bounce down the staircase as we draw our weapons. Sara is taking lead and I follow while my mind plays out one dreadful scene after the other. The hall seems endless as we run down it. Suddenly there are voices shouting orders and when I hear Vega yell for an ambulance I throw myself into the room.

Grissom is kneeling on the floor with his gun hanging from his hand and Vartann is at his side. Mattie is on the floor with two distinct bullet wounds to his chest. Vega is on the other side of the bed and there's an arm cuffed to the bed. I can't see Nick and the panic is beginning to blur my vision and I only hear bits and pieces of all the shouting in the room.

Warrick grabs me and shoves me to the other side of the bed and I see that Nick is attached to the handcuffed arm. My Nick is here. He's really here.

Vega pulls me down to the floor and I just cradle Nick in my arms. He's a mess and in shock. I look at him and try to get his attention. Even though I know what is happening I feel useless and seeing Nick in this state certainly doesn't help.

"Sam we've got to call it in." I look at him and see that he is already on the radio.

"Greg?" Warrick is squatting next to me and tears are running down his cheeks, but his voice seems almost undisturbed.

"Archie is going up to guide the paramedics down here when they come for him."

"Get the cuffs off him." Vega orders one of the uniforms and I mentally berate myself for not keeping it together to maintain leadership. My Nick is here and alive.

I have my sunshine back in my life.

Sara is taking the pistol from Grissom. I hold Nick tight and try the best I can to cover his shaking form with my own body to heat him up. Voices and sirens echo around me, but take no coherent form. Nick is trying to speak. The shocked state of his body renders him unable and I know how much he loathes to loose control over his own body. Mattie is dead on the floor and it hurts.

Sara is counting the rounds left in the clip. Nick whispers or well I guess croaks my name in that heartbreaking way that he does when he's sick.

"I love you Sunshine." My voice is off by a mile and the pain over Mattie's death is tearing at me in a way that I can hardly describe. Why do I still feel for him?

Grissom has collapsed into the arms of Vartann and I think there's something there I should know about. But Nick is in my arms and that is really all that matters.

The uniform finally gets the cuffs released and Nick's arm just falls to the ground. I remove the shirt and it takes a few deep breaths to not freak out over the state of his wrist. I fucking hate Mattie no matter how much he still dominates my mind. I can't believe that it all came back so easily. Sara is shooing people out of the room.

Warrick is still sitting by our side and his tears pains me. Vartann and Sara practically carry Grissom out of the room.

"C-c-c-old…" Nick stammers and Warrick takes off his thin jacket and wraps it around Nick the best he can. I'm not even wearing a jacket. I'm no help like this. A familiar voice is shouting orders out in the hall.

The paramedic is hooking Nick up to the machines in the ambulance and I'm not sure how we came to be in the ambulance. Warrick is next to me holding me tight and maybe that is how I got here?

Doctors, nurses and feds fill up the room when we arrive at the hospital and I try my best to stay with Nick all the time. But this oversize nurse throws me out along with a bundle of other people.

"Greg baby!" Hans wraps her arms around me and I let go.

I can't remember the specifics of the past many hours; only that Nick got moved to a room to recover from his shock and the drugs used to knock him out with. Hans held me and guided me through it all. Sitting here now next to Nick sleeping I try to recap all that has happened.

Apart from his injured wrist and the shock his body is fine. But I fear for his mind!

I hope he'll bounce back like he's done so many times before. Maybe we should quit this job while we're still alive? But I honestly don't know what else we would love doing this much.

The tell tale heart monitor is worrying me to no end. It doesn't do a normal steady graph, no it jumps all over the place and sometimes his heart speeds up like a super car and other times it barely beats. I always thought that once sedated the rhythm would be steady. Come to think about it, they didn't really sedate him because of the toxins already in his system.

"Greg?!" His voice is slightly panicky and rough sounding. Ice cubes!

The nurse instructed me to give him one when he would come around. I try to tell him this but my tongue feels swollen and not a sound comes over my lips. He takes the ice and my hand.

"You found me!" The hoarse whisper makes me cry.

Nick is the crier not me, but here I am sobbing and there is so much I try to say. Everything just drowns in my tears.

My head hurts and my eyes sting. But I'm done crying. Nick has been awake on and off for the past three hours and Hans has been here most of the time. Ecklie came by shortly to brief me. I know that Sofia is guarding the door and won't let anybody in without a very good reason.

I know that the others have returned to the lab, but my focus is on Nick. The color of his skin is slowly getting back to normal and apart from the glaring white bandage around his wrist he looks like my Nick.

"Greg?" His voice is quiet and controlled now and I'm relieved.

"Yeah Sunshine." I lean as close as possible and the sides of the bed are digging into my ribs.

"I dreamt about you and me at the zoo." There's a glimmer of hope over him.

"Was it a good dream?" I squeeze his hand and place a feather light kiss on his arm.

"Mmh very, you promised me a child." I don't believe in telepathy or anything remotely like that, but this is seriously questioning my beliefs.

"Did I? That's… Nick … I … oh Sunshine baby I love you." It seems I still had tears left and now Nick is crying along with me. Great we are a couple of old sobbing fags.

"I love you too… G?" Nick sobs all too much worried. Here I am all glad that I have him back and all we do is cry like we lost rather than won. I did loose Mattie, but not seeing his body cleared my mind of any sympathy and I still have a serious hen to pick with myself over that.

"A child sounds like a good idea." I whisper.

Sofia opens the door breaking the happy moment and I'm gonna … her blue eyes are peering questioningly at me and I can glimpse a few people behind her.

"Can Warrick and Cath come in?" Warrick and Cath?

How long ago was it that I left her in the lab attached to a doctor and IV's? "S-sure."

It's been 7 months since that horrible night and day looking for Nick. A million things or so has happened in our lives, but this is the best one by far.

We are signing the adoption papers for a little girl found in the streets of some northern Chinese town. This is where Nick takes the lead. I have no doubt that he will be the ‘mother' to this girl, he is just so much better with stuff like that.

Tonight we'll be having a party to celebrate and three days from now we'll be flying to China to pick her up.

The party will consist of us naturally, Grissom, Hans, Sara, Warrick and his boy and Cath. Sofia, Vega, Vartann will be there too and so will Archie, Hodges, Bobby and his family. I probably forgot some, but then again this is also Nick's department. But I know that we have the best work-family anybody could ever have.

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