Title: No More Secrets
Author: Jaxson K.
Pairing: Nick/Gil, others from the lab.
Disclaimer: Just playing in the toy box. I own nothing.
Warning: Dark! Fic, rape, non-con.....
A/N: The flashback is done in italics.

As Nick made his way to the front of the house, he had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what he found inside. He wasn't sure why he felt that way, but it was something he couldn't shake. Brass met him at the door with all of the pertinent information on the victim, and he made his way inside. Catherine was talking to David Phillips when Nick approached. As he looked down at the body, he immediately understood why the victim's name sounded familiar. To keep from being violently ill, Nick asked if someone else could process the outside, and when Catherine asked why, he explained that he knew the victim.


 

Nick told Catherine he would send someone to help finish processing, and that he would talk to her later. As he left the scene, he called Gil to ask him if Greg could come help Catherine. When Gil asked why, Nick explained that he had known the victim, and felt that he shouldn't process evidence. Gil agreed with him, and asked him to see him when he got back to the lab. Once Nick was away from the scene, he pulled the Tahoe over just in time to vomit out the window. As the tears came, and the shakes started, all Nick could do was ride it out. Once he got himself under control, he made his way back to the lab.


 

When Nick arrived, he went straight to Gil's office. Gil was on the phone, but motioned for Nick to come in anyway. Nick sat down on the couch and waited for Gil to finish his call. When Gil got off the phone, he commented on Nick's appearance.

“I don't feel like talking about this right now, Gil. I just want to go home and rest.”

“But Nick.....”

“You heard me, Gil, I'll see you when you get home.”

With that, Nick turned and left.........

***

When Nick got home, he decided to take a shower, and while he was bathing, the trembling returned. He knew it was useless to try and stop it, so he went to bed. Soon after, the tears began to flow, and his mind went back to what happened when he first came to Vegas.....


 

Nick was starting to wonder what he'd gotten himself into when he moved to Las Vegas ahead of time. He wasn't scheduled to start at the Las Vegas Crime Lab for 6 more weeks, and he was starting to get bored. He'd done the whole tourist thing, he'd visited the Strip, and gone to see a show or two. The only thing he's really enjoyed so far was going to Lake Mead.


 

He'd gone on-line and managed to make a couple of friends. One guy, Darren McCall, finally suggested that they meet in person, and Nick agreed to meet him. They met at a coffee shop one Saturday, and Nick was surprised. He was surprised that Darren turned out to be such a nice guy. After a couple of hours, Darren invited Nick to his house to meet his roommates. Darren's roommates turned out to be really nice people. Jeff and Marc were a couple, and Dorothy was an older lady that dealt cards at one of the casinos downtown.


 

Nick had a really good time visiting with everyone, but soon everyone went their separate ways. Jeff and Marc had plans for the evening, and Dorothy had to go to work. That left Darren and Nick to themselves. After a couple of hours of playing cards, Darren asked Nick if he'd like a glass of wine. Nick agreed, and they sat and talked some more. Nick began to feel sick at his stomach, and as he got up to excuse himself, he passed out cold.


 

Nick came to a little at a time. When he was awake enough to focus, he realized that he was lying on the floor almost completely naked. He sat up slowly and felt pain almost everywhere. He tried to stand, and the pain got worse. He felt like he had been beaten with a baseball bat. The worst part of it was the fact that he hurt in places he shouldn't be hurting in. When he reached down to pull up his jeans, he felt blood run down his thighs.


 

He got his jeans up, but there wasn't much hope for his shirt. It was ripped down the middle and hung down from one shoulder. He made his way to the front door and immediately left the house. He made it to his truck, and winced when he sat down in the seat. He made his way home and to the shower before he began to vomit.


 

Once he got out of the shower, Nick gathered his ruined clothing and took them to the dumpster. He knew he was destroying evidence, and knew he should go to the hospital, but he did NOT want anyone to know what had happened. He knew if he reported this that there would be very little done about it. He remembered all of this from the years he spent as a cop in Dallas. Once back inside, he locked the door and sat down to try and decide what to do next.


 

Once sleep claimed Nick, he didn't dream or have nightmares. He woke up tired and sore, and when he tried to eat, his stomach rejected the food immediately. He tried not to think about what happened, but it kept creeping in at ever turn. He logged in to his e-mail, and deleted Darren's name from his computer.


 

Nick decided that the best thing he could do was keep his mouth shut , and go on about his business. He was glad that Darren didn't know where he lived, and he vowed to be extra careful when he went out anywhere. A few days after, Nick was excited to find a message from Gil Grissom on his machine letting him know that he would be moving Nick start date up, and wanted him to come by the lab so they could get everything finalized..........

***

Nick came back to the present with a lot of the old feelings following him. He shook them off, and tried to decide what to do about the present. He knew Gil was going to be wondering about what was going on, and he didn't quite know what to tell him. All he knew was that Gil deserved some sort of an explanation.


 

Nick heard Gil's truck pull into the drive and looked at the clock. Shift had been over for about an hour, and Gil was right on time. Nick knew it was now or never, and braced himself for what was to come. Gil came in, and Nick handed him a cup of tea. They sat down in the living room, and Gil made his move.


 

“So what was that back at the lab, Nick?'

“I knew you were going to ask, and I have to tell you the truth. It has to do with Darren McCall, and something that happened when I first came to Vegas.”

“Okay.....”

“I met Darren on-line, and then we met in person. I went to his house, and met his roommates, and we all had a nice time. We visited, played some cards, and then the roommates left. They all had things to do, and it was just Darren and I........”


 

Gil sensed Nick's hesitation, and asked “What happened, Nicky?”

Nick suddenly found his hands in his lap fascinating. He knew he was blushing, and the trembling was back full-force.

“Nicky, what is it?'

“Gil, nobody knows what I'm about to tell you, and I want to keep it that way.”

“Of course, babe...”

“Darren McCall raped me. He must have slipped something in my wine because I started to feel ill, and I passed out. When I came to, I was nearly naked on the floor, and I was bruised and bleeding. I went home, cleaned myself up, threw my clothes away, and tried not to dwell on it. A few days later, you called me, and I started working at the lab. End of story.”


 

Gil knelt down in front of Nick and pulled him into his arms.

“Baby, I'm so sorry. I had no idea...”

“I know you didn't know, Gil, nobody did. I didn't want anybody to know ever.....”

Gil held Nick as he cried his eyes out. Nick's whole body shook with his sobs, and Gil felt powerless to stop them. All he could do was hold his man and let Nick cry. Once Nick's sobbing subsided, he pulled away from Gil and left the room.


 

Gil cracked the bedroom door open, and the sight that greeted him nearly broke his heart. Nick was curled up on the bed in a fetal position once again crying his eyes out. Gil walked over to the bed and sat down. He reached over and touched Nick's shoulder. Nick flinched, but didn't pull away.

“Nick, please talk to me...”

“What do you want me to say, Gil?”

“Tell me whatever is on your mind.....”

“Gil, I have to ask you about some things, and I want you to answer me honestly.....”

“I'll do my best.”

“Gil, I spent a lot of years living with this, and I never told a soul. Are you upset that I never told you?”

“Nick, I can't be upset about something I didn't know had happened until just now.”

“Okay, now for the most important things to consider. Do you think less of me because of what happened? And do you think it will affect what we have?”


 

Nick watched as Gil got up and left the room. Fear kept him from following Gil, and he lay wondering what was coming next.....

***

Gil sat in the darkened living room deep in thought. He had considered everything Nick had told him, he considered the answers to the questions Nick had asked, and he asked himself some serious questions of his own. Once he was ready, he made his way to the bedroom where his love slept.

Nick heard the door open and was instantly awake. He watched as Gil made his way over to the bed and sat down.

“Hey, babe...”


 

“Nick, I've been doing some serious thinking about everything, and I've come to a conclusion about it, us, and the whole ball of wax.”

Nick felt his heart leap into his throat and an icy finger of fear slide down his spine. “Gil...”

“Here's what I came to say, Nick. I want you to know that I think you are one brave soul to carry something like that around for all these years. I don't know that I could do that. I DO NOT think less of you because of what happened. You are just as much a man in my eyes as you ever were. Now, as far as you and I are concerned, what you've told me changes nothing between us. I still love and want you as much as I always have. Maybe even more. There is very little if anything that can change that. I will be here no matter what.”


 

Nick looked deeply into Gil's eyes and was nearly overwhelmed by the love and care he saw there. As tears clouded his vision, he simply whispered, “Thank you, Gil.”


 

END


 

A/N: This is based on events that happened to me when I was a freshman in college. Like Nick, I never told a soul until Randy and I had been together for about 5 years. A friend called and told me of my attacker's demise, and that's what triggered the revelation. The only reason the person called was because he knew that “Darren” and I had dated very briefly. When I found out he was dead, I felt I could put everything behind me, and with Randy's love and understanding, I did. Thanks to everyone for reading. Yours, Jaxson ;)