Title: Silence.
Author: gij
Pairing: Catherine/Sara, Sara/Gil
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.
Note: Part one of the Emergence Trilogy.
Summary: Sometimes you need to learn what you really need. Catherine POV.

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt

I don't believe that anybody

Feels the way I do about you now

 

You wake up in a strange mood, instantly aware and slightly paranoid. The world seems simultaneously black and white and slightly sparkly, and you’re not quite sure how that works.

The mood persists as you dress and leave for work, kissing Lindsay on the forehead as you go past. It continues as you park your Tahoe and climb up the stairs to CSI, and you don’t know the reason until Nick grabs you by the arm and swings you into the break room before you can get anywhere near Grissom’s office.

You have trouble hearing what he’s saying as your eyes automatically fix on the door as you see her walk past. She’s smiling for once, and it nearly kills you to see her. There’s a bounce in her step as she walks down the hall and your paranoia returns in full force as you consider the reasons for her happiness.

"They’re like, perfect. They match, damnit. Bugman is finally gonna pull his head out, and you saw the way she was smiling…" Nick trails off. You realise you’re staring.

"Are you okay? I thought you’d be happy. For Grissom."

For Grissom. The words haunt you as you turn and walk silently out of the room.

 

 

 

You find yourself watching them over days and then over weeks. He actually smiles when she’s around and she looks happy, like she’s done something she’s wanted to for a long, long time.

You’d seen the looks for years and you wondered, everyone did. You heard speculation and ideas and some serious lies, but you somehow thought you knew nothing would ever happen. So much for that thought, for being the "people person".

 

 

 

They work just the same, alone or together, and so you can’t even claim that as a reason not to be around them. Around him. You could never avoid her even if you wanted to, you couldn’t drag yourself away.

They work as a team, and you observe yet again what the others have commented on, that they complement each other, that they recognise something in each other, that they have some strange geeky telepathy going sometimes.

They work alone, and you can still see the happy expressions on their faces, as they consider their lives and what they have to go home to, compare their lives to those of the dead and dying people they see every day.

You work silently, and you watch them. You withdraw into yourself a little more every time you see them both. Worried glances pass over your head, but you’ll never admit what is bothering you.

 

 

 

She smiles more often now. You’re happy for that, that chance to watch her face blossom into that expression daily, but you hate the reason for it. You would hate her for being happy with anybody but you, being happy without you.

But you could never hate her.