Title: Some Domestic War
By: it-glitters
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: Originally in 9 parts, found here in one. Just under 10,000 words. The start of the "Accidental Music Series".
Summary: The start of "The Accidental Music Series". Greg and Nick break up. Song lyrics at the start of each chapter are by Melissa Etheridge.

***

I. There Is No Magic

A late afternoon monsoon raged outside as Greg stared idly out the window. At least staring out the window kept him from staring at the now empty bed. The bed that he had shared with Nick just an hour ago - the bed that he still imaged damp from the physical expression of the love that they had shared.

Despite the comfort he sought in the window, he could not find it there. He crossed the small room and began tearing the sheets off the bed. He momentarily thought about washing them, but instead went outside, in the pouring rain, to throw them into the dumpster. Stomping back to his apartment, now soaking wet; he took a bucket from the sink and filled it with hot water and bleach. He grabbed a sponge and took everything to the bedroom, where he began furiously scrubbing away any evidence that Nick had been in his bed.

He didn't stop at there. He spent the next few hours cleaning every nook and cranny in his apartment. He had to rid himself of all the memories. He trashed every photo, reveling in the sound of breaking glass as he threw them into the trash. He didn't stop until he heard his cell phone ringing.

"Sanders."

"So you're alive?" The caller was Grissom. "So would you care to explain why you aren't at work?"

Greg looked at the clock in disbelief. Shift had started 20 minutes ago.

"I'm sorry, Griss, I just... I just got caught up... Personal stuff," he stammered. "I just need a quick shower and I'll be right in. I'm so sorry."

"See you in 30 minutes, Greg."

.....

Fuck me. Greg thought as he drove toward the crime lab after a quick shower. Could this day get any worse? He supposed it could. He supposed he could be paired with Nick. Despite being already late, Greg was forced to pull over the car so that he could vomit.

II. My Mind Told My Heart

My mind told my heart that there is no other
And I gave you my soul and every ounce of control
Enough of Me


By the time Greg made it to the lab he was 40 minutes late - not 30. He headed directly for the locker room to find his toothbrush to remove the taste of vomit from his mouth. Grissom was already waiting for him.

"You're really late."

"Yes."

"You smell like vomit."

"Yes."

"You okay?"

"Yes."

"Brush your teeth. Sara's waiting for you."

Thank god. Not Nick. Don't have to work with Nick. He's probably gone from the lab by now. Greg made his way to his locker and went to brush his teeth. Work would be good for him. Work would allow him to take his mind off of what Nick had said earlier.

....

"Baby," Nick had said, nuzzling into Greg's neck. "I need you not to freak out about something."

They had been spooning after a session of post-work lovemaking. The shift had been rough on both of them. Nick had followed Greg home and they had spent the morning in bed. Nothing had seemed out of the ordinary. Nothing had prepared Greg for what would happen next.

"My parent's are coming to see me." Greg grew excited. Nick's parents hadn't ever been out - at least as far as Greg knew of. He was excited that he would finally get to meet them.

"And you can't be around when they do." The words shattered the peaceful world of the bedroom. Greg's heart sank in his chest. He removed Nick's arm from his chest and slunk out of the bed.

"Where are you going, baby?" Nick asked as Greg began to dress himself with the discarded clothing on the floor.

"You never told them about me."

"No. Why would I?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you told me you love me. Maybe because you told me I'm your world. I get why we don't tell the people at work, but your parents. I thought that they could know," Greg said softly.

Nick left the bed and made his way to Greg and wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist.

"I can't tell them about you. I mean when I get married -"

"WHAT!" Greg turned around and moved away from Nick.

"We'll still be together of course, I'll just also have a wife."

Greg shook with palpable rage. He could taste it. He could feel his heart breaking into a million tiny pieces, never to be put back together. He willed himself not to cry. He begged himself not to cry.

"I thought that you got that. We would always be together, but that we would also follow the standard order."

"I thought... I thought..." Don't cry, don't do it. "I thought that you wanted that with me." A tear fell, unable to be contained.

"Oh, hon," Nick moved toward Greg.

"NO! Get your shit! GET IT NOW! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Greg was unable to hold it back now. The room was spinning. "FUCK YOU!"

Nick was already putting on his clothes. If the situation was bothering him, he wasn't actively showing it.

"If I wanted this, I would have been with a woman!" And then he walked out.

Greg sank to the floor and let the tears fall unbridled.

....

Greg stared into the bathroom mirror. Get it together. You have a job to do.

III. I'm Not With My Lover

One little piece of my soul
One little piece of my whole life
I give to you
Take it now
It's For You


Greg tried to stay at the crime scene for as long as possible, but eventually all of the evidence was collected and Sara and Grissom were starting to look at him strangely. He decided that it was time to go back.

He inwardly prayed not to see Nick, but he couldn't stop the flashbacks from invading his mind. The harmless flirting that had begun when he was still in DNA. The intoxicating smell of Nick's skin when he moved in too close. The jovial camaraderie that had lead into a passionate love affair after Greg had begun training in the field. The way Nick would so carefully train him and quiz him on procedure. The games they would play - and the rewards.

Greg walked down the hallway in a trance. Everything reminded him of Nick. Had he managed to eat something, he would have vomited again.

We'll still be together of course; I'll just also have a wife

The words still bounced around in his head and shook his body. He could feel his knees go weak.

I love you baby.

The florescent lights seemed to flicker around him. Images of Nick's sweating body thrusting over him invaded his vision and he swore he could taste the salt of Nick's skin on his lips. His vision went dark and his body gave out.

...

He awoke to Catherine cradling his head and gently shaking his body.

"Greg, Greg, c'mon, wake up."

From his peripheral he could see the folder he had been holding and the paperwork that had scattered when he dropped it. He willed his eyes to focus. The lights over Catherine's head were too bright. He slowly became aware of the other people around him.

"G, are you alright?"

Greg's already pale skin turned an even more alarming shade of white when he heard his lover's voice calling out to him. His body began to shake and he felt Catherine's hands move to try and soothe him. Get him away from me! The voice in Greg's head shouted, but nothing came to his lips. Get them all away from me!

"Everybody move back!" Greg never thought he would be so glad to hear Conrad Ecklie's voice in his life. He could feel the group around him move back to let the paramedics come to his aid.

"Sir, can you sit up?"

He could, with a little help from Catherine. They checked his pulse and his temperature.

"Sir, I think it would be best if you came with us. Let the doctor's at the hospital check you out."

"No, I'm fine," Greg protested as he shakily made it to his feet, Catherine guiding him the whole way. He could feel more eyes on him then those of the nightshift CSI's and Ecklie, he knew everyone else was still watching him through the glass.

"If nothing else, you're going home Sanders," Ecklie said brusquely.

"I'll take him," Nick started to say, but before Greg could even register the offer, Grissom had put his hand up and began to speak.

"You finish your case. I'll take him. Now, all of you, go back to work."

Catherine rubbed his back once more before finally breaking contact. At some point Grissom had gotten a bottle of water. "You could have called in sick," he said, handing Greg the water.

"I thought I was alright. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Greg, you're human. I just don't need my CSI's running themselves into the ground. Now drink up, I'll drive you home."

...

The last place Greg wanted to be was home, it was worse that the lab. He could remember being bent over the back of the couch, legs spread, Nick inside him - his hands tenderly rubbing the scars on his back.

You're so beautiful.

He couldn't stay there. He packed a bag and called a cab to take him to the closest hotel.

...

Greg sat on the bed of the dingy hotel room and flipped through the channels of the television while he waited for the pizza that he had ordered to arrive. At least Nick had never asked him to come to a place like this. Nick. Again.

Greg groaned and leaned back on the hotel comforter. I can't do this. He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face. His stomach grumbled at him. The pizza would be there soon and it at least offered the promise of some mild distraction.

The knock at the door came sooner than expected. He paid the delivery guy and took his pizza and soda to the bed. Not bothering with a plate, he simply began eating directly from the box and tried to focus of the television in front of him.

...

At some point he must have fallen asleep because he awoke to the sound of his cell phone. The caller id read Nick Stokes.

Greg silenced the phone and threw it across the room. He sank to the floor and leaned against the bed. He looked up at the stained ceiling as tears blurred his vision.

Do you know how much I love you, baby?
When I'm married -
My parent's are coming to see me.
You're my world, gorgeous.
You can't be around when they do.

He curled into the fetal position of the floor. His body shook with sobs. I need you Nicky, I love you, never leave me...

IV. Brave Soldier Keep It Under Cover

You packed up your heart
And you left no souvenirs
But if you want me you can call me
In the night you know where I'll be
Broken lover you can touch me
In the dark the innocent can't see
No Souvenirs

Nick couldn't understand how Greg had gotten the idea that it would be just them forever. The fight had been regrettable, but he never made any promises about their future. Nick, on the whole, preferred the company of men to women, but had always had plans to eventually marry someone, someday and start a family. Now, as he was approaching 40, he felt that the time had come.

He originally had thought of Greg as a complication, but as the time passed and no one had caught on, he had figured that he could have both Greg and a marriage. He had assumed Greg was on the same page. Nick guessed it went back to that old saying - never assume because it makes an ass of you and me. He was thankful that he had not chosen to tell Greg about Lisa, the accountant that he had been seeing and was planning on introducing to his parents.

It's true, Nick thought, Lisa and I don't share the same spark that I have with Greg, but she's nice enough. Not like Greg is going to be able to be the mother of my children.

Nick toyed idly with the car parts in front of him and found himself worrying about Greg. Passing out in the hallway was not a good thing - especially if it had been about their situation. Nick wished that he could have taken Greg home. Maybe fucked him over the countertop in the kitchen. The thought of a weak, pliant Greg under him caused his dick to stir slightly.

Maybe that was what he saw in Lisa, something fragile that he could have his way with. Greg was his equal and Lisa was his submissive. But Greg, weak and writhing underneath him was a thought that Nick could not get out of his head. He left the garage, pulled out his cell phone, and dialed Greg's number.

Damn, no answer. Greg was either sleeping, or not answering his phone calls.

Nick made his way to the bathroom to find it empty. He clicked the deadbolt to gain privacy so that he could pull down his zipper and pull out his now hard member.

He imagined Greg's sweating body and swollen lips calling out to him, begging him for more. Nick stroked his cock, twisting at the tip. Nick imagined being deep inside Greg, thrusting until he could hear his balls slapping against Greg's ass. Nick tightened his grip on his cock and pumped furiously. Greg's eyes rolling back into his head, the sticky feeling on Nick's hand as the younger man came, screaming out for Nick, tearing at his back. Nick could feel the welts rising from their last encounter. He used his free hand to brace himself against the wall as he continued to pump his glistening cock. Small beads of sweat gathered onto his upper lip. He licked at it, imaging that he was licking the sweat that gathered on Greg's collarbone when they were together, and came.

....

Greg wanted nothing more to be off the dirty hotel room floor. His head ached from crying and his mouth was tasted like phlegm and bile. He managed to crawl across the room to his discarded phone. There was no message. He hadn't expected one. But he was hoping for one.

They had been dating for a year. A whole year. They had been practically living at Greg's place, Nick rarely went home. Except for lately. Lately, there had been more times that Nick was coming home late or leaving early. Greg knew he wasn't going to work - they worked together. But Nick never did say where he was going, and Greg had naively never thought to ask. He had always just assumed Nick was going to the gym or to get some alone time.

Now, as Greg sat alone in a strange hotel room, paranoid thoughts came into his mind. Was Nick cheating? He had mentioned wanting to get married. Did that mean that there was already someone that he had in mind? Was Nick leaving Greg's bed to go fuck some woman? Greg ran to the bathroom to throw up the pizza.

He rinsed his mouth with mouthwash and turned the water to the shower on. He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the hot water. He could barely stand, so he sat down and pulled his knees to his chest and tried to let the water wash away all the evidence.

After a few more minutes of wallowing in self-pity, Greg stood up. He grabbed his shampoo and lathered it through his hair, glad that it was the hotel stuff and not stuff from his house that reminded him of showers with Nick. He would have to throw everything out and buy new scents. Rinse. Condition. Wash. Greg made his way through the motions, running a soapy washcloth over his body until his hand stopped over his groin. There it was. Nick's mark. The spot where Nick had sucked a purple bruise during foreplay. That was Nick's favorite spot to bite at. Greg couldn't help but stare at the mark - it would be the last mark that Nick would make there - his last souvenir.

Greg quickly rinsed his soapy body and used the towel to cover the mark. Pretend it's not there. The walls seemed to be closing in on him again. He had to get out of the hotel room. He needed a drink. He got dressed and called a cab to pick him up.

He was dressed to kill. If Nick was going to just toss him aside, and probably had been unfaithful, then Greg was going to go out and make Nick pay for what he had done. Only, Greg had no idea at how to go about this. He wasn't going to pick up some guy at a bar - that would do far more damage to himself than it would ever do to Nick, and Nick would probably be fine with sharing, since he didn't mind sharing himself with Greg and whoever the future Mrs. Stokes would be.

Greg made his way to a club that he and Nick had never been to before. Greg had been there - but that was before he was "˜Nick and Greg.' Nick and Greg didn't go to loud clubs because Nick didn't want to share what he called his "˜Greg-time.'

It was still early by Vegas standards - 10pm. He had wasted a lot of time in that hotel room crying. Wasting tears on a man who didn't seem to care. Shift would be starting in a couple of hours - if he were going. Greg had been given the night off to recuperate. He made his way to the bar to order a stiff drink. That was what he needed. A stiff drink and a cigarette. God, he hadn't had one of those since college. He managed to get one from the bartender.

Greg lit up and surveyed the room. Tourists, regulars, people smiling and having fun. Maybe this wasn't the place for him after all. Maybe he needed to be in one of those dank bars like in the movies where people poured their hearts out to a sympathetic bartender. That's when he saw them. Nick, with his arm slung over a pretty brunette, talking with a group of people that Greg had never been introduced to. He knew he shouldn't go anywhere near the situation, but he wanted to see exactly who this usurper of Nick's love was.

He made his way through the crowd and stopped when he got to the edge of the table. Two of the men there looked at him strangely, and then Nick looked up. Greg couldn't read the once familiar eyes. Was it shock, anger, regret, shame, a mix of those things? Greg didn't know. Nor did he care. He waited for Nick to make the first move.

"Hey guys this is my friend Greg from work."

"Funny, Nicky's never mentioned anyone named Greg," said the brunette.

"Oh, of course I have, baby."

Baby. That was Nick's pet name for him - not her.

Greg tried to play it cool. "Well, I kinda blend in with the crowd..." Greg said as he tried to brush off the comment.

"No you don't, not looking like that," said a young blond sitting with Nick's group. "Hanna."

"Greg."

"Nice to meet you, Greg." She put her hand out and Greg took it in his own. She was soft. And nice to him and all Greg wanted to do was fuck her into the table right in front of Nick so that Nick could know the pain of betrayal too.

"Greg, shouldn't you be at home after what happened today?" Nick asked, obviously trying to diffuse the situation between Hanna and Greg.

"Yeah, I just had to catch up with someone here, and then I'm back to bed." He turned to leave. But then thought better of it. He found his way to hurt Nick. He leaned across the table to whisper in Hanna's ear, "You should get my number from Nick and maybe we could see each other again."

And then he walked away.

V. Infatuate and Haunt You

Is it so hard, to satisfy your senses
You found out to love me, you have to climb some fences
Scratching and crawling across the floor to touch you
And just when it feels right, you say you found someone else to hold you
Does she like I do
Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you, attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you, existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Like The Way I Do

Greg threw himself through the doors of the club into the cool night air. He sucked it into his lungs like a man who had been trapped underwater for too long. His head spun, but he would not faint again. He would not let Nick hold that power over him.

He hailed a cab, but instead of giving the driver the address for his hotel, he gave the one for his apartment. He would need his car. Working night shift had his body clock backwards and he was wide-awake. A long trip outside of Vegas to clear his head would do him good.

Paying the driver, Greg ventured into his apartment, which still smelled strongly of the bleach he had used in a vain attempt to eradicate Nick from his home. He would need a few things for his all night journey - firstly, caffeine - he thought as he prepared the coffeemaker and tuned it to brew. Second, he would need his iPod - that he needed to reload with new songs to match his new state of anger, frustration, and self-loathing. Greg turned the computer on and hooked his iPod to it and began making his new song lists.

....

Nick excused himself from the table after Greg left. He needed to clear his head, but first he had to talk to his friend - the bartender at the club.

"Hey, Steve," Nick called to the bartender.

"Stokes, hey man! I didn't see you come in!"

"Yeah, I'm here with Lisa and her friends - hanging out before I have to go into work."

"Cool man, Lisa seems like a great girl."

"Yeah man, she is. Hey, listen, there was a guy here a few minutes ago - longish, spiky hair - wearing a black leather jacket."

"Yeah, I saw him, he bummed a smoke. Poor kid looked like someone ran over his dog. He wasn't given you any trouble was he?"

"No, nothing like that. Has he been here before?"

"Not in the six months that I've been here."

"Thanks man. I gotta go out and make a phone call - but we'll catch up later." Nick waved to Steve and felt relieved that Greg hadn't been in the club during the time that he and Lisa had been dating. He went outside and contemplated calling Greg, but he knew that Greg would never answer his call. The rest of the group may have missed it, but Nick saw the accusations in Greg's eyes. Nick took a few minutes at the curb before heading back into the club.

"Nicky, you never told me you had such a cute coworker," Hanna said as Nick slid back into the booth. "He said if I asked you for his number that you would give it to me."

Nick felt his mouth go dry. Greg wouldn't have said that. Not his Greg.

"Yeah," he said, licking his parched lips. "Here you go." He handed her his cell phone, with Greg's number illuminated.

....

Greg locked his apartment and headed to his car. Once inside he plugged his charger into the dash and plugged his iPod in. He needed classic rock - songs of the past that would rip his heart out, but at least let him know that he wasn't the only one who had ever felt so low.

He stopped at the convenience store between his apartment and the highway for a pack of cigarettes. Nothing more cliché than chain-smoking and driving all night after a breakup, he thought as he sped his car onto the ramp.

....

After he had given Hanna Greg's phone number, Nick couldn't keep focused on the conversation. He had never thought about Greg leaving him for someone else. Nick would get married... but Greg... Greg would always be waiting for him. Wouldn't he?

....

As the music pounded around his Jetta, Greg let his mind wander - not to thoughts of what he and Nick had shared, but rather the betrayal. He figured first thing in the morning he would have to find a clinic and get tested. He and Nick had never used condoms - Greg thought there had never been a need to - and Nick just let him continue to think that. Now Greg knew that his lover was with someone else - he didn't know what their sex life was like - or even if they were having sex, but Greg wasn't about to take that chance. If Nick was sleeping with the girl at the club, what was to say he wasn't fucking half of Vegas and exposing Greg to God only knows what. He turned the music up and pressed harder on the gas pedal.

After about an hour of straight driving into the desert, Greg pulled onto a dusty side road and got out of the car. He could still see the lights of Vegas. Las Vegas was a city that had held so many promises when he came all those years ago, now just seemed like a squalled hellhole. He figured he could have gotten out if he really wanted to. Any DNA lab in the country would want him, even if their crime lab didn't want him as a CSI. He could just get out of town and start over. Why should I start over, I worked so hard to get where I am. It was Nick that fucked it all up. Nick who ruined everything.

Greg sighed. There was nothing that could be done about it tonight. He lit another cigarette and began to drive back to the hotel.

VI. Don't You Want To Go

You've never been to the moon
But don't you want to go
Under the sea in the volcano
You've never looked into my eyes
But don't you want to know
What the dark and the wild
And the different know
The Different


It was two in the morning when Greg's phone began to ring. He didn't recognize the number. He hesitated about answering it, but then he remembered about Hanna. Nick must have actually given her the number.

"Hello?" he said, answering the phone.

"Hi... Greg?"

"Yeah."

"Thank God, I was so worried about dialing the wrong number in the middle of the night. It's Hanna - Nick's friend from the club?"

Nick's friend that he had never mentioned.

"Yeah, of course, hi."

"Sorry to call so late, but you said you worked with Nicky, so I figured that meant the night shift and that you would be awake."

"You got that all right so far."

"I know this is soon, seeing as I just met you and all, but do you want to come over? Me and my roommate, Lisa - Nick's girlfriend - are just watching - and wondering about Nick's sexy coworker."

Nick's girlfriend. Greg's heart sank and his mouth became unable to form words. Did he dare go and meet the woman who had stolen the love of his life from him?

"Greg?"

"Yeah, sorry, got distracted by the TV for a second there. I would love to come over."

Greg wrote down the directions that Hanna gave him and got into his car - it would be about a 20-minute drive.

....

Nick's phone beeped with a text message from Lisa. "˜Hanna and I invited your friend Greg over.'

Nick nearly dropped the phone. He quickly dialed Greg's number.

"Hello?" came Greg's voice from the other end.

"I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, but stop it right now!" Nick was still in the lab and he tried to contain the level of his voice.

"A girl invited me to watch TV. Maybe I'll marry her," Greg said sarcastically.

"Greg, don't go."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think you have any right to tell me what to do. You're input doesn't matter to me anymore. Just as my input apparently never mattered to you." He hung up the phone.

"GREG!"

Warrick stuck his head in from the adjoining room. "What are you yelling at Sanders for?"

"Uh," Think of a lie - quickly... "That wasn't our Greg. It's was my old college buddy who is in town for a few days and wants to use my house for an after party." Good lie.

"I see. Hey, anyway, can you come and look at something with me?"

....

Greg felt like he had won at least a small battle, but it didn't make him feel any better about the situation. He turned his blinker on as he turned on to Hanna's street. He found her house number, parked, and took a deep breathe.

It was the girl he assumed was Lisa who answered the door.

"Hey Greg, come on in!" She was obviously at least a little drunk. "I'm Lisa, by the way, Nick's girlfriend."

Yeah, and I'm Nick's boyfriend, you home-wrecking bitch.

"Nice to meet you," was the more appropriate response.

"Greg!" Hanna called from the stairs - barely dressed in boyshort panties and a tank top. And she was quite a bit more drunk that Lisa. "I'm so glad that you came!" She exclaimed, practically throwing herself at Greg.

"We're about to start a movie and have some margaritas. You in?" Lisa asked.

"Sure."

....

By around 5am Lisa was completely passed out on the couch. Greg and Hanna were settled on to the loveseat, and Hanna was trying everything to get Greg to come upstairs with her, but Greg just wasn't ready for that. He didn't want her to get the wrong impression, so he entered into some fairly harmless stuff. She began by nibbling his earlobe - one of Nick's favorite start-ups. Greg closed his eyes and imagined it was Nick, imagined it was Nick's hands rubbing his crotch. She broke contact with his ear and started to unzip his pants, but as she moved to angle her head to suck Greg's dick, she fell asleep in his lap. Greg was relieved. He tucked Hanna onto the couch and went into the kitchen to find something to eat.

He hadn't even noticed how much time had passed when he heard the deadbolt to the front door click open. He checked the clock; it was now after 8 in the morning. He had no idea who would be coming in at this hour, but then he knew. He knew before he even saw the person - Nick's aftershave wafted into the room.

Greg stood there, unable to move. He was in the living room of his lover's girlfriend - with two nearly naked women passed out on the couch. Wasn't this the revenge he had wanted?

"Greg?"

Right. His car was still parked in the driveway. Greg made his way into the foyer.

"Don't start anything, Greg."

"Who's to say I didn't already tell them everything?"

"They would never believe you."

"Go to hell."

Nick couldn't contain himself at Greg's sudden outburst. He grabbed the younger man's wrists and pinned them above his head and a pushed Greg into the wall. Nick used his full strength to push Greg into a searing kiss.

"Fuck, I missed you," Nick mumbled into Greg's neck.

"Your girlfriend might come in," Greg said trying to struggle free.

"She's a lush, she won't move until noon," Nick responded, pushing Greg's legs open with his knee. Greg could feel himself grow hard despite his brains pleas for him to run.

Nick flipped Greg around and grabbed the young man's shoulders to keep him steady. He could feel Nick's hard cock pressing against his backside. Just say no! He may be an ass, but he would never force you against your will. But still, no words came.

Nick nuzzled his nose into Greg's hair. "I missed you so much, Baby," Nick said as he released a shoulder to fondle Greg's crotch. "You missed me too."

Greg leaned back and let Nick run his tongue over the exposed flesh of his neck. Greg felt a hand at his zipper, inching it down, then unbuttoning the fly. Nick's hand slid down his boxer and pushed them down, to release Greg's erect cock. Nick turned him around again and sank to his knees; he pushed Greg against the wall so that the pants would stay up, even with the front open. That was all he wanted.

Greg felt Nick's hot breath on his dick and then warm wetness as Nick took him into his mouth. Greg felt himself falling into a great abyss. Nick always gave the best head, taking his time to draw Greg to the edge, and then back down.

Greg realized that he had been keeping his eyes closed. He opened them. There he was in the foyer of a strange house with Nick sucking him off, while the betrayer's girlfriend was passed out in the other room. This was not what he had wanted to happen. He had to be somewhere... the clinic. Rage snapped in Greg and he kicked Nick in the chest.

Greg scrambled to zip up his pants as Nick lay coughing and choking on the floor.

"What the..."

"Fuck you, Nick Stokes! Fuck you!" Greg yelled, finally getting a proper hold on his pants. He didn't care if he woke up Lisa or Hanna, or the whole neighborhood for that matter. "You cheated, you put me in danger!" Each word was carefully chosen and timed to sting Nick like knives. "I trusted you! I fucking loved you!"

Greg stormed out and ran to his car, a dazed Nick still on his heels.

"Baby, I always used protection."

As if that was really going to make Greg feel any better.

VII. It Only Hurts When I Breathe

And I can't ask for things to be still again
No, I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you
Breathe

Greg drove from Hanna's house to the clinic he had found in the phone book last night. He was shaking and sweating from his encounter with Nick. How could something so wrong have felt so good? Greg decided that it was a purely chemical reaction - he would never again mistake lust for love.

"Good morning, sir," the receptionist called to him. "How can we help you?"

"I need a STD and HIV test."

"Sign in here, please, someone will be with you shortly."

Greg printed his name on the clipboard along with the other pertinent information, such as check in time and reason for his visit.

Since it was early in the morning, there wasn't a long time between when he checked in and when he was taken into a small room and given some papers to fill out. He filled in the information, somehow feeling as if he was betraying Nick by answering questions about their sex life. When he was finished he placed it in the box outside his rooms like the attendant had instructed him.

Greg stared at the sterile walls and felt dirty. He could still feel Nick's saliva on his penis. He was about to go to the bathroom to wash himself off when a nurse came in.

"Good morning Mr. Sanders."

"Hi."

"I understand you need some STD testing done today."

"Yes."

"Alright, I see here in your sexual history that you have been having unprotected sex."

"That's right." The nurse was making him feel like a criminal.

"I'm required to tell you about the risks of such behaviors."

"I know about it. I'm a state employee. I was in what I thought was a committed relationship and then I found out that he was cheating. He said he used protection when he was with her, but I don't trust him." Why was he defending himself to her?

The nurse's demeanor changed instantly. She simply nodded sympathetically and didn't ask anymore questions.

"Just put out your arm Mr. Sanders." He hated being called Mr. Sanders.

She took a vile of his blood and labeled it. Greg knew all the steps that his blood would go through by heart.

"Expect your results within two weeks. We're all finished, Mr. Sanders."

"Thanks," he said dryly.

Greg left and drove back to the hotel. He took a quick shower to get Nick's smell off of him, and went to bed.

....

Hours later Nick was still rubbing at his chest. Greg's kick had hurt - in more ways than one. He looked in on the girls and went upstairs to Lisa's bedroom. He took off his shirt and saw that there was a round bruise where Greg's foot had made contact. Greg had never turned down sex before, not even the time that they had gotten into the stupid fight about Nick refusing to meet Greg's friends. When Nick had seen Greg's car in the driveway, he thought that Greg had stayed for him. They could have make up sex and things could go back to the status quo. Maybe he had underestimated Greg in some way. Maybe Greg wasn't going to be complacent in the whole thing.

As he turned in the mirror he saw the scratches that Greg had left down his back. He wondered why Lisa didn't ask why he always kept his shirt on when they had sex. Or why he had freaked out that one time she left a mark on him. He walked into the bedroom with his shirt back on.

The whole danger thing had stung. He would never put Greg in harm's way. He had always worn a condom when he was with someone else. Nick crawled into bed and tried not to think about Greg's hateful words - the hateful words that sprung so quickly from the beautiful lips. Greg had always been the optimist and rarely had he ever said a word in hatred or anger.

I fucking loved you.

Loved - as in past tense. So little time had passed since Nick had told Greg about his parents planned visit. Love had already become loved; fuck me had become fuck you. Greg now knew about Lisa and had done God only knows with Hanna. Hanna - she could tell him that nothing had happened. Nick rushed down the stairs to shake her awake.

"What..." she moaned.

"Wake up, I need to ask you about Greg."

"Whaddya care?"

"I, uh, just wanted to know if it went well is all. He looked pretty happy when I saw him earlier," Nick lied.

"Yeah, well he should have. I rocked his world last night." She passed out again.

And that's what it felt like. Right there. The way his heart slowed and raced at the same time, the spinning head, the violent feeling in the pit of his stomach. That's what Greg felt when he had found out about Lisa. Lisa, who meant nothing to him meant that he lost Greg, who was everything. He ran into the bathroom to be sick.

He sat on the floor of the bathroom and thought about what he had done. He and Lisa had seemed like a perfect match. They had been together for three months, she was in her 30s and from an old fashioned family that was desperate to see her settle down and have kids. Their sex life consisted of sex only when necessary; he pretended it was the best thing since sliced bread and she pretended that he was a good lay.

Nick pulled himself off the floor and cleaned himself up. He climbed back up the stairs to get his phone and call Greg.

Greg was sound asleep and answered his phone on autopilot. "Umpff," was the closest thing he could manage to the English language.

"Hey, baby."

Greg shot up in bed. "Don't call me that anymore!" And he hung up the phone. He hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep, but there was no way that he was going to be able to go back to sleep now. He decided that it would be best to head to the gym and try to work out some of his aggressions there.

....

Nick stared at the phone in disbelief. It finally occurred to him that it could be really over. He wasn't about to let that happen. He was contemplating his next move when Lisa came into the room.

"God, I have a wicked hangover."

"Yeah, well you get what you deserve." He was being intentionally nasty to her.

"How come you've never mentioned Greg before?"

"Because you don't know how to fucking listen. I'm sure I've mentioned him before." That was a lie. He had never mentioned Greg to Lisa before. He had never wanted the two worlds to collide. Lisa just wouldn't understand how special Greg was.

"I think he and Hanna really hit it off last night." Apparently none of Nick's verbal punches had hit her.

"Great," he said dryly.

"So, when are your parents getting here?"

"Will you shut up."

Lisa looked at him questioningly. She walked over to the bed where Nick was sitting and dropped to her knees. "You tense, sugar?" she asked, reaching into his lap.

Nick pushed her to the floor. "Don't touch me. Seriously. I'm going home - you stay here and sleep off your hangover."

....

His apartment was dusty and the air was stagnant. It was also rather empty - over the last year more and more of his things had made their way over to Greg's house. He only stopped by the area occasionally anymore to get mail, or grab something he had wanted to bring to Greg. This wasn't home. Greg's wasn't home anymore either. Lisa's was a place that he was forced to go when it was the appointed time to fake an orgasm.

Nick leaned against the closed door and shut his eyes. He imagined Hanna on top of Greg - touching him in his most intimate places, kissing him, biting him, marking him. Nick grabbed the nearest object - a small coffee table - and threw it across the room. He spent the next thirty minutes throwing anything that wasn't nailed down.

VIII. Answer My Prayer & Answer The Phone

Oh, this one's gonna hurt like hell
Answer my prayer and answer the phone
Think twice about it honey
Turn around and come on home
Lover stop, lover don't
Lover stop
Lover, lover please
Lover, Please

Nick couldn't wait until shift to see Greg, so he went to Greg's apartment and used his key to let himself in - it was a gutsy move considering Greg's recent actions, but Greg hadn't changed the locks.

"Ba-" he stopped himself - if Greg didn't want him to use the nickname, then he would respect his wishes. "Greg?" The apartment seemed empty - and different. He walked into the bedroom and found there was nothing on the bed - no sheets, pillows or blankets. Everything seemed bare. All their pictures were gone. If Nick hadn't seen his stuff in garbage bags in the corner, he wouldn't have ever known that he had called this place home. The apartment was too clean, too sterile. Everything smelled like cleaner - there were none of Greg's lingering scents that Nick was dying to smell.

There was no sign of Greg or where he had gone. Nick went into the bathroom - Greg wasn't staying there - his toothbrush and all of his hair stuff was gone. Nick ran to the living room to find Greg's computer. It thankfully was something that Greg had left behind. He turned it on and pulled up Greg's electronic address book and began calling every one of Greg's friends.

....

Two hours later, Nick had called everyone short of Greg's doctor and his favorite pizza place. He had even called Greg six times - each time it had gone to voicemail. If he hadn't seen Greg that morning he would have been very worried.

Nick decided he could get ready and go into work early. He took off his clothes and turned on the shower. Once it was warm enough he stepped under the spray. He put his head directly below the showerhead and grabbed Greg's shampoo. He really wanted to rip the nose right off his face to detach himself from the memory.

.......................

Nick had gone over to Greg's house after the lab exploded to see how he was healing. Greg answered the door covered in bandages and shampoo still in his hair from trying to wash it without getting his back wet.

"Hey, Nick, what brings you here?" Greg had tried so desperately to keep it cool, but he was obviously nervous about being caught in such a vulnerable position.

"Is anyone here to help you?" Nick had asked when he pushed himself inside, allowing his hand to graze over the naked flesh of Greg's chest. He had felt Greg shudder.

"No."

"There is now."

That day was spent together, Nick lavishing Greg with careful and diligent attentions. From that day on, they had been Nick and Greg.

.......................

Nick barely registered that the water had begun to run cold as he was standing there, smelling the bottle of shampoo. He felt the bruise on his chest and slammed his fist into it - the pain made him feel close to Greg. He punched again and again, until his legs gave out and he pulled himself into a ball on the floor of the shower. For the first time, he cried.

....

Greg was leaving the gym after an all out workout free for all when he saw his friend Matt.

"Hey!" Matt called as he swiped his card to get into the gym. "I tried calling you, but you didn't answer."

"Yeah, I turned the phone off, I needed some alone time."

"Well, I left you a message - your boyfriend couldn't find you and he seemed worried. First time I ever spoke to the guy - I was starting to think that you were making him up."

Greg's jaw dropped. What the hell was Nick doing calling his friends? And for that matter, how did he get the phone numbers?

"Greg, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Me and Nick broke up. I'm sorry he called you and got you all worried." It was the first time he had said the words out loud: Broke up.

"Man, are you alright?" Matt looked concerned. Greg had always referred to Nick as The One.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it right now," Greg said, looking at the doors to the outside.

"Alright, no worries," Greg knew that Matt understood him. "But you when you need people, you call, you hear? We'll all drop everything to be there."

"Thanks, I will. I just need some time to deal - by myself."

"Absolutely." They hugged and Matt whispered into his ear, "You call - day or night."

Greg walked out to the car; knowing Matt's eyes were on him the whole way out. At least he still had his friends.

He got into the car and turned on the air conditioning, but left the door open to air the car out. He pulled out his phone - 20 new calls - with just as many messages. Six of the calls were from Nick. He listened to the messages - most of them were from his friends about Nick's calls - each one noting how strange it was that Nick had called. They could all be answered with a mass text blast - "˜I'm fine, Nick's just being strange - more later. G.'

Nick's messages were harder to deal with. Nick actually sounded upset and remorseful. It suddenly clicked that that the only way that Nick could have gotten all the phone numbers was if he was at home. No not home. Greg's house. It wasn't their home, it was Greg's and Nick had no right to be in there, even if he did have a key.

Greg took his phone and called Grissom.

"Yeah."

"It's Greg."

"Yes, Greg?"

"I'm still sick."

"Okay. I'll call Sara in for you. Have you seen a doctor?"

"Yes, this morning, they said they'd let me know as soon as the blood work was done." Not technically a lie.

"Feel better, Greg."

Add a strange phone call to a strange day, Greg thought. Not too strange, he assumed, Grissom had been unusually kind to him, not even questioning the lateness of the call. But then again, how often do CSI's blackout in the middle of the lab?


IX. Rage and Understanding

Walking on the edge of rage and understanding
Between the black and the white
This child is so angry
Alone here tonight
Alarming desperation
Leads me to believe
With all my shields and protection
It's only me I deceive
Dance Without Sleeping

Greg sat in his car in the parking lot of his apartment complex and stared at Nick's truck. He contemplated calling the police - Nick wasn't on the lease, he wasn't listed as Greg's anything - he had no right to be there. He hoped that Nick had just come to get the garbage bags of stuff, but when Nick hadn't come out after 20 minutes, Greg knew it was something else. He thought about going inside and confronting Nick, but with the way things had gone before, Greg knew it wasn't a good idea.

Greg instead dialed Nick's number.

"Greg!?" Came the frantic answer on the first ring.

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment?" he asked with an edge to his voice that Nick had never before heard form his lover.

"Greg, I need to talk to you. I made a terrible mistake; I realized when I heard about you and Hanna. I felt how you felt!"

Greg laughed in his head. He had no idea what Hanna had told Nick - but apparently whatever she had said had set Nick off. It also set Greg off - he couldn't play nice anymore.

"You finally caught on? Really? That's great! So, why don't I just come up the stairs and we can fuck! C'mon cowboy, bring it on!" Greg was beyond hysterical, beyond maniacal, beyond control. "The you can take a shower and oh, look at that, you'll still have time to go and fuck your whore. No... wait... I'm the whore because she's the misses. I got it."

"You're not my whore," Nick said quietly, tears welling in his eyes.

"You're fucking right I'm not your fucking whore! I'm done!"

"Greg please! You were never my whore!"

The line went dead. Outside Nick heard feral yells and the sound of glass breaking. It was Greg, smashing the hell out of his truck. Nick ran out to him, but Greg stopped him by throwing the tire iron at him and winging his arm. Greg ran to his car, leaving Nick to nurse his injury and deal with the apartment complex that was now outside, staring.

Nick put on his best; "˜move along' cop voice. "Folks, sorry about that. No need to worry just a little spat with a friend. No need to call the police," he said, pulling out his badge, "I'm with them."

Please don't let any of them call the cops, Nick thought as he went inside to call a cab for work.

...

Greg thought about the options that he had. Taking Nick back was not among them. Nick had done the ultimate betrayal and nothing could restore the life that they had shared. But he couldn't deny a nagging part of him wanted to pretend that none of it had happened - he wanted to believe that after Nick went to work that he would come home and everything would be the same. But Greg knew he placed too much value on himself to ever let that happen.

There was the urge to run away, leave Las Vegas and never look back. Some would consider that the easy way out. Fuck that - there was nothing easy about giving up your whole life - especially when the world seemed to be such a hostile place. Greg had already given away his life once and Nick had returned it battered and broken. He just couldn't image going back to nightshift with Nick. Theirs was a job that was based on trust - you had to trust your team to get the evidence, to be safe, and to catch the criminals. And Greg knew in his heart that he would never trust Nick again.

Night shift was not an option then, but he could stay at the lab if he talked to Ecklie and Grissom about switching to days or midshift. That seemed the best option at the moment - at least while he took the time to look at new cities. Maybe he could go back to California and be the near the ocean. He missed the ocean. He missed Nick.

....

Greg wasn't at work and Nick couldn't focus on his cases. The people at the lab were beginning to notice - the lethargy and the dead look in his eyes. Nick needed to get out and take care of some business before it ate him alive. He went to find Grissom.

"Hey," Nick called, walking into his boss' office. "I need to take a bit of a long lunch tonight, if that's alright?"

"Sure, as long as your backlog gets done before you leave for the day."

"You got it boss, thanks."

Nick drove to Lisa's house and let himself in. It was too late for her to be up and he crept into her bedroom to wake her up.

"Lisa," he whispered.

"Nick?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, you've never come this late. Are you staying the night?"

"No. I've got to tell you the truth about something," he said finally turning on the light. "I don't love you."

"Sure you don't. We haven't known each other that long, but it will come - especially after we're married."

"I am in love."

"What?"

"With Greg."

Lisa's eyes widened with momentary shock. But then she calmly responded. "You experimented with another guy. I get it. And I don't even mind if you do whatever with him - it'll be don't ask don't tell, just as long as the kids never know and you keep your dick covered."

That was what Nick loathed about her - she was so focused on marriage that it didn't even matter about Greg. He understood Greg's reaction - a real, emotional, gut reaction - a reaction so strong it could only have come from love.

"We can't do that."

"And why not?" She asked, staring at him.

"Because I can't lie to myself anymore." He placed his key on her nightstand and left the house.

....

Greg finished his letter of resignation and printed it. It would be just too much to stay in Vegas and keep lying to himself. He had to do what was best for him, even if it meant a life without Nick in it. He regretted that he would be losing all the great friends that he had made at CSI, but he knew he had to listen to his heart. Maybe one day, fate would bring him back to Vegas - and it's not like he wouldn't have a phone where he was going... wherever that was.

He packed up a few boxes of things that he would need right away and put them in the car. He had the locksmith change all the locks on his apartment and he called the moving company and set a date for them to come and pack the rest of his stuff and put it into storage until he found a new place. He paid the fee to the apartment complex for breaking the lease early, locked up, and taped a note on the door for Nick.

....

After work Nick went home and slept. He wanted to be fresh and rested to go and see Greg, so that he could tell him everything as articulately as possible - something that he had not been able to do over the last few days. After a few hours of rest he got up, too a shower, and put on the shirt that Greg always said looked good on him. He even stopped to pick up flowers. He was going to scream that he loved Greg from the rooftops if that was what it was going to take.

He got to Greg's place and found the note.

I'm gone, don't try to find me. I'm better on my own.

Nick tried to get into the apartment, but the lock wouldn't work.
Greg was gone.

***