Title: Source of Sorrow
Author: Ullman
E-mail: Ulman
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
Pairing: Nick/Warrick
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, not making any profit either.
Summary: As good as it gets.
Author's Notes: Feedback's always very welcome.

***

He's been wrestling with it for days and now, while they're both in bed, he finally makes up his mind. The timing is lousy but he's convinced that there'll never be a right moment for this so now's probably as good as it'll ever get. He takes a deep breath, making sure there's no doubt about wanting, needing to do this, because he's pretty sure that in a few minutes there'll be no way back.

"Nick?"

Nick turns around immediately which surprises Warrick who thought the other man was sleeping.

"What?"

Maybe this would be easier if Nick wasn't facing him, but he can't seriously ask the guy to turn around just because he knows that looking into Nick's eyes will make this so much harder.

"I think we..." His voice trails off and he's not sure he'll ever be able to get the words out.

Nick gazes at him, the look in his eyes making Warrick wonder if Nick already knows where he’s going with this.

"I think we should end this." Whatever it is, he adds silently. Because even though they've been seeing each other for months now, it doesn't qualify as a relationship. Warrick smiles wryly at that notion, the exact reason why he's saying these words. There's no future here, never will be and they should end it before anyone gets hurt. Not sure it's not too late to keep them from getting hurt though.

Nick nods. "Yeah," he whispers.

He doesn't expect that. He doesn't expect Nick to instantly agree, but he doesn't comment on it, knowing that the little part of him that wants Nick to fight for it, is the one that wants them to stay together.

It takes him a moment to regain his ability to speak. Apparently even reaching a mutual decision to call it quits doesn't make it any easier. And he was right before, looking at Nick doesn't help either. Damn those eyes. Those eyes that make him want to take back his words, make him want to take Nick in his arms and forget about all the reasons why he can't stay with Nick. Most of them aren't that important and can be pushed aside easily, except for one.

The reason's the same one why he shouldn't have started up with Nick in the first place: Nick wants a relationship, he needs a relationship. Seeing Nick try so hard to settle for this every single day hurts like hell. Nick telling him that he's happy just the way it is while the look in his eyes is telling an entirely different story.

"Yeah," Warrick echoes.

He continues to stare into Nick's eyes, asking himself why Nick's looking at him like he's expecting him to do something. He opens his mouth to ask Nick when it finally hits him and he untangles himself from the sheets quickly and gets out off bed.

"I guess I should leave."

Nick nods again.

He dresses himself in silence, forcing himself not to look at Nick anymore and telling himself over and over again that he made the right decision. The rational part of him knows he did, but only now he realizes how little that part of the brain actually is.

When he's fully clothed he doesn’t know what to do. What to say. Instead of words he walks up to Nick and leans over, wanting to kiss him.

"Don't," Nick says. His voice sounds hoarse, a determined look in his eyes, and he shakes his head. "Just go."

He glances at Nick one more time and turns around to leave the bed room, heading for Nick's front door. His hands tremble when he unlocks the door and he hesitates briefly before opening it. Once outside he takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the conflicting feelings of guilt and relief that are running through him as he starts walking away.

He pauses after a few steps, tears blinding him and he wipes them away. Taking another deep breath, he whispers, "Goodbye, Nick."