Title: Where They Stand
Author: podga

Pairing: Gil Grissom/Nick Stokes
Rating: PG
Warning: Very mild spoiler for season 6, Bodies in Motion.
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me and I don't make money off of them
Summary: "The journey of a 1000 miles begins where you stand" Lao-Tzu.

They're both pretending, though Gil doesn't doubt that it's much harder for Nick than for him. All Gil has to do is pretend that he believes Nick, when Nick says he's alright; that he's accepted Nick's decision to break off their relationship.

It's not that difficult when they're at work: they've already had plenty of practice pretending they're nothing more than colleagues. The only difference is that now Gil doesn't only have to hide his feelings about Nick from everybody else, but from Nick as well.

Despite everything, or maybe because of it, he still enjoys working cases with Nick. He tries to be even-handed with the assignments, not pair himself off with Nick too often, even though he wants to keep an eye on Nick, to know he's safe. When they concentrate on the case, look for evidence, try out theories on each other, Gil can almost think everything's back to normal. Even then, he's careful to keep his distance from Nick, to look at what Nick's showing him rather than at Nick himself, in case his eyes linger too long.

Nick seems slightly reserved at first, almost like he was when he first joined the team and didn't want to admit he didn't know something or was reluctant to pitch an idea that might seem too far-fetched. But as the scars from the ant bites fade, so does his reticence, and Gil starts to feel that their interactions are more natural, more open. Nick even begins to smile at him, to crack a few jokes, to tease him gently.

Still, Gil doesn't quite believe it when Nick calls out to him from the locker room as he's walking in the hallway and invites him to come along to the Peppermill for a drink, to "condemn" Warrick's elopement, as he puts it. Nick is sitting on a bench, tying his shoelaces.

"So?" Nick asks and he looks up at Gil, as if he honestly wants him along.

"I've got one more thing to do," Gil says, trying to look serious, to stop himself from smiling like a fool. He thinks he pulls it off.

"I gotta get on home," Warrick says firmly.

"Aw, come on man. Have another one." Nick coaxes.

"No, that's it. I'm pushing my luck as it is," Warrick gets up and reaches for his wallet. Gil tries to wave the gesture away, but Warrick pulls out a couple of bills and lays them on the table. "You can get the other ones, but have a round on me, guys," he smiles, then nods and walks off.

Nick is sitting across from Gil. He's been sliding lower and lower in his seat during the evening and his arm is now almost completely horizontal as it rests on the table, his legs stretched out and occasionally kicking against Gil's. His eyelids are at half mast, his eyes glittering feverishly, a flush high on his cheekbones. Gil thinks he looks beautiful.

"Another round?" Nick asks. Gil nods and Nick catches the waitress' eye and points to the empty glasses on their table.

"He looks happy," Nick says, referring to Warrick.

Gil shrugs. He doesn't really think so, but maybe his own mood is coloring everything around him. He's saved from an actual answer when the harried waitress comes over, placing their martinis on the table.

Nick raises his glass in a toast. "This is nice," he says, looking unsmilingly straight into Gil's eyes.

Gil's breath catches. Don't make too much of this, he thinks to himself. Nick's not drunk, but he's not quite sober either. He nods and looks down at his drink then up, scanning the room, avoiding Nick's eyes.

He feels Nick's leg rest against his under the table. Unlike the previous times, Gil doesn't think it's accidental or unconscious. His eyes meet Nick's. Nick still isn't smiling and Gil isn't quite sure what he sees in Nick's face. Question? Challenge? He moves his leg; a couple of seconds later Nick's leg follows, pressing against his.

"I've missed you," Gil blurts out thickly, the words torn from him even though he's sure that it's the wrong thing to say. Nick pulls his leg away and Gil's heart sinks, but then he realizes it's only because Nick is pushing himself up straighter in order to lean across the table, towards Gil.

"Me too," Nick says. "You want to get out of here?"

Gil quickly drains his martini and gets up, before Nick changes his mind. He's still not sure what's going on, what's brought on this sudden about face, but he's not going to question it.

"Are you OK to drive?" Nick asks Gil, when they're outside.

Gil thinks about it for a second. "Not really."

"Feel like walking it off?"

"Sure," Gil says and they set off along the strip together. It's mid-morning and the strip is at its quietest, the retirees already at their posts at the slot-machines, the younger people sleeping the previous night off before they get up to do it all again. Gil walks next to Nick, content to let Nick set the pace. The sun is already high in the sky, and Gil can see a bead of perspiration running down from Nick's jaw. He absent-mindedly starts to raise his hand to trace it, but at the last moment he realizes what he's doing and jams his hand in his pocket.

They stop at a corner and Gil waits for Nick to decide which way to go.

"This is kind of awkward," Nick laughs slightly.

Gil smiles in response, but he doesn't say anything.

He senses that they're on the verge of something fragile, that if he speaks he'll ruin it. Ever since they found Nick, he's been allowing Nick to make the choices. He doesn't know if it's right or wrong or even if it will make any difference at all to how things turn out, but he has to let Nick believe that he's in control. Otherwise Nick will push him so far away, he'll never be able find his way back. He can't allow that to happen; he needs Nick and, more to the point, Nick needs him.

"It feels like we're on our first date again," Nick continues. There are two spots of color burning high on his cheeks and his eyes aren't meeting Gil's any more.

"Not quite," Gil responds slowly. "On our first date, I knew what your intentions towards me were."

"You knew..." Nick shakes his head and laughs. "Gil, you had no idea."

They look at each other smiling, but Nick quickly grows serious.

"I don't really know what I'm doing here," he finally says.

"It's just me." Gil says. He knows it's not really a response, but he doesn't know what to say to Nick, how to make him feel at ease.

Nick shakes his head. "It's never just you, Gil. That's the problem." He turns around, starts walking back towards the Peppermill. "I don't want to hurt you."

Gil smiles briefly at the thought of Nick worrying about hurting him. Not because Nick doesn't have the ability to do so, but because a few weeks ago he would have never believed he did.

"Nick. A while back you told me to stick with you. Do you still want that?"

Nick walks along, his eyes on the sidewalk in front of him. "I don't know," he finally says, his voice low, a bit rough.

"Well." Gil puts his hand on Nick's arm to stop him and turn him around to face him. "Until you know, I will. OK?"

Nick looks at Gil and exhales, his shoulders slowly relaxing.

"Your choice," Gil continues softly.

Nick nods slowly, his eyes sliding away from Gil's. "Thank you," he says finally.

"You're welcome," Gil answers, then he drops his hand and starts walking again. It's a second before Nick falls in next to him and they walk together towards their cars.

Nick's truck is closest and Gil watches him climb in and start the engine. Nick rolls the window down. "I'll see you tonight," Nick says, his smile slow, almost shy.

"See you tonight, Nicky."

Gil doesn't look back as he walks towards his own car. He can sense Nick's eyes following him and he smiles. He doesn't kid himself that anything has really been resolved, and there's still a long way to go both for Nick and for their relationship.

But they've taken the first step.