Title: Stepping Out
Author: podga
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: CSI and its characters do not belong to me. I write and post for fun only.
Summary: Sequel to ‘No Right Way’. Just in case some of you were thinking that Catherine is oblivious.

I’m not surprised to see Sara in the briefing room. I’m only surprised by how surprised Catherine seems. What did she expect, that Grissom wouldn’t immediately put Sara back in the team? At least he doesn’t team up with her himself, assigning her to work with Greg instead, until she gets up to speed on the case. Not that there’s that much to get up to speed on unfortunately, because so far, despite everybody’s efforts, we have absolutely nothing, just a couple of leads going nowhere.

“Catherine, Nick, I need you to work a 406.”

I’m too stunned to say anything. Catherine opens her mouth to protest, but shuts it again with an audible snap and reaches out for the assignment slip.

“Come on, Nick,” she says, and I follow her dumbly.

By the time we reach the truck the shock has worn off and I’m ranting. “What the hell? What the hell? He’s pulling us off Warrick’s case? For a fucking break-and-enter? And we just accept it?”

“This won’t take long to tie up and then we’ll be back on the case. We didn’t want what was coming up, Nicky,” Catherine says quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Processing Warrick’s clothes.”

My chest tightens. “What? How do you know?”

“I can read upside-down,” she says, then she turns to look out the window, so that I can’t see her face, and she doesn’t say anything else.

We’re at the scene, lifting prints and taking pictures, before she speaks again.

“So. Sara’s back and on the team again,” she says incredulously.

“Why are you so surprised? Didn’t you know she was back?”

She bends over to study the carpet.

“Sure. I just didn’t expect her to stay.”

“Why not?”

She shrugs. “I thought Gil would send her packing.”

“You did?” I snort in disbelief. “There’s no way he was gonna do that.”

Catherine straightens up.

“No?”

“Well, after all, she is the only woman he ever loved,” I say bitterly.

“Oh, Nicky,” she responds, her tone so condescending that I can almost see a thought bubble with the words ‘You’re so clueless’ floating over her head. “He doesn’t love her.”

“How do you know?”

“I know Grissom.”

“Yeah, right. I saw your mouth hanging open when he made the big announcement. You had no idea.”

She returns to studying the carpet.

“What, that he’d been having an affair with her? I think you’re probably the only one in the lab who wasn’t aware of that.” She says it so matter-of-factly that I believe her. At least more than I believed Greg when he’d said that he’d known about it. Maybe it was just me who’d ignored what was going on right underneath my nose.

“Why were you so surprised then?”

“Because I didn’t expect him to come out and actually say something like that. He must have been feeling as guilty as hell.”

“Oh,” I say, as if I understand. But I don’t understand anything.

“OK, we’re done here. Let’s move upstairs.”

I follow her up the stairs, still trying to make sense of everything.

“I think this all hindsight,” I say. “How did you know he was having an affair?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. He was just different.”

“Different,” I repeat sarcastically. “Wow.”

“He’s involved right now, too,” Catherine says casually.

“What?” I choke out.

“Let me tell you a little story, Nick. Back in the mid-eighties, there were rumors going around in our circles about a new CSI in town, with curly hair and beautiful blue eyes, who occasionally liked to step out with one or another of the dancers. Now, apparently this CSI wasn’t particularly particular as to whether the dancer was female or male.”

Catherine looks at me and smiles, then leans out the window. “No access from here.”

I stand rooted to the floor, my face burning. I get the point of the little story, alright. But how does she know? How the fuck does she know? She doesn’t, she’s just bluffing.

“So, what do you think?”

“About what?” I croak.

She raises her eyebrows. “This is all a little too neat, don’t you think? What did they do, simply walk in and out of the front door?”

“Oh. Uh, maybe a spare key outside?”

She shakes her head. “The owners never admit to having been stupid enough to have done that, do they?” She sighs. “Let’s go outside and look for a fake rock.”

We start packing up the kits.

“So, what happened, Nick?”

“I don’t have another theory. We’re not even outside yet.”

“No. What happened between Grissom and you that led to him allowing Sara to stay?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fine. If that’s how you want it.”

This is starting to irritate me. “It has nothing to do with how I want it. I told you. I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I repeat. “Just drop it.”

Amazingly enough, she does. At least until we turn into the parking lot behind the lab.

“Can I just say one last thing?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“I think I told you this once before. Stop putting Grissom on a pedestal.”

“I’m not,” I protest.

“Yes, you are. You’re not as obvious about it as Sara was, but even after all these years you are. He doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t need it, he doesn’t even want it. From you probably least of all.”

I switch the engine off, but I don’t get out of the truck. I want to ask her how she knows all this. I want to ask her what I should do. Instead I just sit, staring out the windshield at nothing.

She says my name, then waits until I look at her.

“He’s not going to chase after you, even if you’re what he wants.”

“Why not?”

“That’s just the way he is.” She smiles suddenly. “You’re braver than he is, Nick. If you want him to keep on stepping out with you, you’re going to have to lead.” She reaches over and pats my knee. “Time to get back to work.”

She climbs out of the truck. She doesn’t wait for me to follow and I’m grateful. I need some time alone.

Sara’s in the break room with Greg and Hodges. They’re bickering light-heartedly about something, and for a second it feels like she was never gone.

“Is Grissom around?” I ask, and suddenly she focuses on me, frowning slightly.

“He was in his office a few minutes ago,” Greg offers.

“Thanks.” I can feel her eyes drilling into my back as I turn and walk away.

Grissom’s door is half-open and I can see him sitting at his desk, poring over a report. I just stand and look at him leaning back in his chair, his glasses at the end of his nose, rubbing his forehead as he reads. He looks exhausted. I can’t imagine how I could have despised him so much just twenty four hours ago, when all I want to do right now is to walk over and put my arms around him.

He notices me and looks up, and I walk into the room, shutting the door behind me and resting against it. He leans forward slowly and places the report on his desk, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I want her to leave,” I say.

He shakes his head slightly, as if he’s disappointed in me. Yesterday, even a few hours ago, that would have been enough to make me give up. Not now. Maybe Catherine’s right; maybe I expect too much of Gil and too little of myself.

“After we close the case,” I specify. “She doesn’t belong here any more.”

“No?” he asks, smiling a little, but his eyes are dead serious.

“No.”

“That’s not your decision to make.”

“No,” I agree. “It’s hers. But mostly it’s yours. And I think I have the right to ask you to make it.” My voice almost cracks at the end.

“So I have to send her away to prove something to you. Is that it?”

“Not just to me. To both of us.”

“She wants us to try again,” he says softly, almost challengingly.

I take a deep breath, bracing myself. “I imagine she does. What do you want?”

He hesitates. “You,” he says finally, so quietly that I almost don’t hear him.

I walk over to his desk and lean on it with both hands, so that our faces our only inches apart. He tenses slightly, but he doesn’t move back.

“Me?” I ask, my voice just as quiet as his.

“You,” he confirms.

I straighten up again. “Gil, I’m sorry about yesterday.”

He gestures uncomfortably. “I’m sorry too. But I still don’t think this is the right place or time,” he adds firmly.

“I know.” I walk back to the door and open it. “We can finish this later.”

“Nick. Just a second.”

He stands up, walks up to me and reaches over my shoulder to push the door shut again. And then he kisses me.

“I thought this isn’t the right place,” I protest half-heartedly.

“Nor the right time,” he agrees. He kisses me again, then takes a couple of steps back and puts his hands in his pockets. “You can go now.”

I walk out, fighting a smile. I’m not kidding myself that we’ve resolved everything. But we’ve given each other another chance to do so, and right now, that’s more than enough for me.