Title: Sugar Daddy
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3740
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments. I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: Just a little fic as a filler before the next part of the ‘saga’!

It was a surreal moment.

Gil and Nick had been visiting a seafood restaurant by Lake Mead and had been walking across the lot musing on the word ‘seafood’ when in fact it was actually ‘fresh water food’. Their light hearted banter was rudely interrupted by a car screeching to a halt just a few feet ahead of them. They stopped dead as the scene unfolded before them

A young woman was out of the car even before it had stopped and was screaming at the driver.

“You son of a motherfucking bitch! You think I wouldn’t find out about her…how long have you been screwing her…no, don’t bother answering, I don’t give a fuck. It’s a pity your dick isn’t any longer ‘cause that’s two of us left wanting more – a lot more – not to mention the little problem you have coming, like, straightaway.”

“Lissy?” A young man had emerged from the still running vehicle.

“Don’t fucking ‘Lissy’ me. You are so history and so dumped!”

“It wasn’t like that….”

“Don’t care….fuck off.”

The girl stormed off towards the restaurant and the guy got back into his car and left as speedily as he’d arrived.

“Well; she certainly had a fairly colourful vocabulary for one so young and pretty. I shouldn’t be surprised, should I?”

“Gil.” Nick tugged at Gil’s sleeve and then enveloped him in a hug so tight that Gil struggled to catch his breath.

“Hey.”

“Sorry man.” He released the tight hold but still held on. "You won’t leave me will you Gil, promise? Gil, promise?” Nick hated that in a moment he’d morphed into a whining, insecure child-like creature.

“Oh Nicky, Nicky. I promise you I’ll never leave you; but that young man sounded as if he may have deserved it”

“I won’t cheat on you, I promise!”

“I know you won’t cheat and neither will I, but I’m not getting any younger Nick and you may feel that you should be with someone who is younger and has more in common with you.”

“NEVER!”

Nick’s vehement cry startled Gil. “Nicky, I’m not going anywhere, I promise you!”

“Sorry man, I’m just stupid y’know…never been able to hold on to good times…well never had real good times before you Gil, not like this.”

Gil tightened his hold on Nick; Nick was still firmly attached to him.

Nick was feeling desperate, he had something to hold onto for the very first time in his life – it seemed to him – and he was frightened he’d lose it. But at the same time he knew that this clinging, whining creature that he’d become could, no, would, push Gil away.

Gil was worried, suddenly, at Nick’s outburst. He’d always thought that were undercurrents beneath Nick’s generally happy and pleasant demeanour. In the few months they’d been together Gil had noticed several instances of Nick’s insecurity. A strange dichotomy in a man so, apparently, outwardly confident.

Gil had been held up while on his way to meet Nick at a restaurant. Only mundane things - an auto wreck, road works and the ensuing traffic snarl up. But Gil couldn’t find his cell, he had thought it was in his pocket but it wasn’t, so he wasn’t able to call Nick. He’d been forty-five minutes late and had arrived to find Nick pacing up and down by his truck virtually panic stricken at Gil’s absence. It seemed that it wasn’t the thought that Gil may have been ill or injured - it was that Nick thought he’d been dumped.

They had ended that evening back at Gil’s place, eating cereal and toast and with Gil cuddling Nick on the couch. Nick giving a good impression of a limpet. What had worried Gil most about this episode was that Gil felt good, not at Nick’s worry, but at Nick’s need for him.

In came to Gil in a flash, as they stood out in the lot by the lake in the cool evening air; Nick needed to be cared for - nurtured even - by a stronger person. Someone who would keep him calm and centred. Gil knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was that person, that man who could give Nick the security he craved.

Gil remembered Nick’s desperate need to have his work validated – Nick trying so hard, too hard, to be like Gil. To gain his approval. He had Gil’s approval all along but Gil had never thought to voice it….he didn’t do that kind of supervision. If they got it wrong, he’d put them right but he didn’t go ‘round praising them. He sort of assumed that they knew that if they worked with him, they were the best anyway.


“Nicky, lets go home, my place anyway. I want to talk to you.” He felt Nick tense, instantly, in his arms. He kissed Nick’s ear and gently nibbled the ear lobe. “It’s okay – I keep my promises don’t I…I just want to talk to you about us. But it’s good, really, it’s good.”

Nick shivered at Gil’s soft words and at his warm breath against his ear. He felt safe.

They made their way back to Gil’s townhouse and while both men were quiet Nick was trying to think what Gil was going to talk about. He’d said it was about the two of them and said it was good; perhaps Gil was going to ask him to move in with him – be together all the time. The thought made Nick shiver, involuntarily. It was his dearest wish – to live with Gil – to feel safe and loved all the time and not worry if ’this date’ would be their last date every time they got together.

Nick had never mentioned this to Gil and hoped he had always managed to behave in a casual fashion with him. The very last thing he wanted to do was scare Gil away. The gossip in the lab said that Gil was a ‘commitment phobe’ and that he cared more for his work and his bugs than he did for human company.

What did the gossips know anyway – that Nick was a ‘ladies man’ and Gil was an abstinent social hermit. Though in truth even Nick had thought that about Gil; his public and private personas were so different Nick had been convinced Gil was having some sort of brain storm when he’d made a pass at him that first time. Nick’s gaydar must have been switched off around Gil.

Nick chuckled at his memory of Gil’s first indication to him that he wasn’t the straight, socially inept man that everyone had assumed.

“What?” Gil asked at Nick’s little laugh.

“Just remembering the time in the lot…you know...your hand on my ass as I got in the truck.”

“Oh yes. A favourite memory. I really have no idea how I kept my hands to myself for so long; you know I love that ass of yours and the way each butt cheek fits so snugly into each of my hands…..”

“I would never have guessed if you hadn’t said!” Nick laughed out loud now. This was a joke between them because Gil just couldn’t keep his hands to himself where Nick’s ass was concerned. Nick paid more attention to it at the gym now than he ever did before – just to keep it toned for Gil to hang onto.

“Well just remember the years of torment I had to endure with your ass sticking in my face, metaphorically of course.”

“If I’d only known.”

“Hey…my forensic training came in handy in the end when I’d managed to piece all the evidence together.”

“What evidence? Are you suggesting that I left a trial of clues…breadcrumbs for you to follow?”

“No.” Gil was suddenly serious because he knew that Nick had hidden his sexuality from him and all his other colleagues. But then Gil had done the same. “You hid it too well; but we got there in the end and that’s what counts.”

“We did, and it is.”

“You know that day at the diner I just caught a fleeting look on your face and it just came to me in a flash of inspiration. It’s a good thing I wasn’t wrong or you could have had me fired.”

“It’s okay; I like being sexually harassed by my boss.”

“You think I harass you?”

“No….well not much anyway…as long as I don’t jiggle my butt at you!”

“Yeah, okay, I harass you but that ass has a life of its own…I swear it.” Gil laughed as he made this pronouncement.

“I’ll give it a talking to and tell it to behave itself.”

“No, don’t upset it. Do you think it’s strange giving your ass a separate identity?”

“Errrr….that would be a ‘yes’…hey we’re here, that was quick!” Nick knew that their happy little conversation had speeded their journey to....home. He had another momentary shiver as he thought of it as ‘home’.

As Nick unbuckled his seat belt and made his way to Gil’s front door he tried to calm himself. He knew he would be disappointed if Gil didn’t ask him to move in and there was no indication whatsoever that he would ask. Just Nick’s fertile imagination; he must try and curb his eagerness. What did Nana Stokes say…’softly, softly, catchee monkey.’

As he thought these thoughts he felt Gil’s hand attach itself to his ass and usher him into Gil’s home. As soon as the door was closed Gil pulled Nick into his arms and kissed him; not a passionate kiss meant as a pre curser to more intimacy, but a gentle kiss. Nick would categorise it as loving kiss. But, like the invitation to move in, the words of love had yet to be uttered by Gil. Though Nick had been unable to hold back some weeks ago and had said them to Gil. ‘I know Nicky, I know you do.’ Gil had said this in return - not what Nick had wanted to hear, but spoken as tenderly and as lovingly as Nick had ever heard words spoken to him. He’d been placated and had fallen asleep almost immediately.

He felt soothed now and was ready to listen to what Gil had to say. He needed to be on his guard for disappointment; not let it show, not let Gil know just how dependant he’d become and how desperate…yes, that was the word; ‘desperate’…he was for Gil. It would push Gil away quicker than an electric shock.

“Drink?” Gil’s question brought him back to life.

“Coffee?”

“Just what I was thinking – I’ll put the pot on.” Gil toed his shoes off as he spoke and abandoned them in his hallway. “Do you think we drink too much coffee?” He asked this as he went into his kitchen to start the pot of coffee.

Nick had followed, still amazed at Gil’s casual life style outside of work – he walked around in socks or barefoot. He’d even made breakfast for them in a ratty old tee and boxers and Nick had laughed so much. When questioned Nick couldn’t be exact about what it was, it was just not ‘Gris’. It didn’t marry up with his precision at work; this relaxed man seemed a totally different man.

“Way too much.” Nick remembered the question. “I’d go so far as to say the whole shift couldn’t survive without it – or solve any cases!”

“Do you think drinking decaff would push our success rate down?”

“Dunno man. But decaff is sort of pointless; we might as well drink water.”

“Probably be a lot better for us – or not - depending on which study you read.”

Nick was relaxing now, he knew Gil wasn’t going to dump him, maybe he wasn’t going to invite him to live with him, not tonight anyway, but they were okay, he could feel it. Then he remembered his outburst in the lot and the embarrassment flared up again. How could he be so childish? He sighed and let his head hang down.

“That was a big sigh, the thought of giving up coffee too much for you?” Gil’s voice was light and teasing.

“No.” Nick answered a little too quickly and defensively, he saw Gil’s eyebrows rise at his response.

“No….it was the car lot and my whining…I’m sorry Gil it must have appeared childish to you….”

“Stop Nicky. It wasn’t childish and I’m not….” Gil stopped and looked at Nick thoughtfully. “I was going to say ‘I’m not worried’, but that’s not true, I am worried, but that’s why I want to talk to you now, Nick. To sort this out to see where we stand.” Gil could see the worry that was now plastered across Nick’s face.

“Hey, I told you I want to talk about this Nicky, we’ve come to a crossroads in our relationship and it would be sensible to talk it through; about what we want and where we’re going, and how we go about it.”

Nick’s look had certainly perked up at that little speech and Gil smiled at Nick, but mostly it was for himself, because he had realised some things tonight and it was the start of something big – he was sure of that. The coffee announced to them both that it was ready and Nick got their mugs.

A few minutes later they were comfortably ensconced on Gil’s couch. Nick had taken his shoes off and unlike Gil’s abandoned shoes; they were laid neatly at the side of the coffee table.

Gil looked across at Nick and smiled again. He got a tentative smile back in response.

“I love you Nick.”

Nick’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Gil. As often as he’d imagined Gil saying those three little words to him – sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee hadn’t been in his scenarios once. Nick went to speak but found he was actually dumbstruck.

Gil continued. “I know you probably think I could have chosen a better place or time to tell you Nick, but that doesn’t really change anything. I do love you very much and I can see us together for as long as…well…for as long as you want me Nick.”

“I’ll always want you Gil.” Nick’s voice had come back but was thick and full of emotion. Perhaps he would get to live with Gil – eventually.

“You say that now. But you’ve seen me as I am Nick, and we’re not alike in any respect, that could eventually drive you crazy as indeed you could me….but I’m less constrained than you so perhaps more adaptable”

“Gil…..’

“Sshhh, can I tell you some other things?” At Nick’s slight nod Gil continued. “I only fully realised tonight, I had known before but tonight it came to me with clarity – you know when the last piece of the puzzle fits perfectly?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I’ve known that I love you for a long time Nick, I suspect that it’s been for a very long time, way before I put my hand on your ass for the first time. But when we started dating and being together and then our lovemaking…Nick, I know I’ve never loved anyone as I love you and there’ll never be anyone else now, I know it,”

Gil could see that tears were welling up in Nick’s eyes and he put his arm around Nick’s shoulders and pulled him to him. Nick’s head rested on Gil’s upper arm and shoulder.

“I didn’t tell you because I was frightened.” Nick’s head shot up and he looked aghast at Gil. “Yep, frightened you’d leave me, I’m fifteen years older and we’re not exactly what would be considered ideal candidates but I think we go together Nick, compliment each other; like salt and pepper.”

Nick’s head came up again, this time with a look filled with love and happiness.

“There’s more Nicky.”

“You’ve been saving it all up?”

“I have; there’s a lot more, I don’t know whether you’ll like what I have to say but I think it needs saying…you okay with that?”

“Of course I’m okay Gil, look man I know I have issues and I have an idea that’s what you want to talk about - it is, isn’t it?” It was Gil’s turn to nod. “But I’m not fragile, I’m really not – you know at work I’m ‘normal’, it’s just in my private life, I’ve had this sort of need Gil…it’s hard to describe it, but I need to know that I’m…I don’t know what it is….I need to be cared for, I suppose and since being with you…and this has only happened with you Gil, it’s sort of intensified as if I know YOU can do this…this taking care of me. It’s as if I have no control over it…in the parking lot up at the lake listening to those two argue I was momentarily panic stricken that you might leave me…dump me…it’s happened before…I’ve been panicked before….”

“When I was late?”

“Yep, like abandonment issues; that I’ve been thrown away, discarded. I don’t understand, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it in the last few months and you know it’s all supposed to link back to some event, some life event, but I can’t recall anything that would’ve caused it.”

“I think, and I’m by no means an expert here Nick, that there can be a link to past experiences but it’s not necessarily so…it may……”

Gil was stopped in mid lecture mode by Nick sitting up and grabbing him by the shoulders.

“HEY, you LOVE ME man!” It was if he’d suddenly realised the full magnitude of Gil’s pronouncement. He was grinning from ear to ear and he was incredulous.

“I do indeed.” Nick was now hugging him, somewhat awkwardly, given that they were side by side on the couch. “Come on Nicky, calm down a bit, I still have a lecture to give here.” Gil was torn between going with the flow or trying to tell Nick what he thought about their relationship but he was chuckling at Nick.

“Spoilsport!”

“This is a big turning point for us; we need to establish where we’re going from here…..”

“…bed?”

“Oh, I’m fairly certain on that point.”

“Go on then, Dr Grissom, I’m listening; loving you at the same time though

“You…what was I saying…about it just being the way you are….your natural development. I mean nothing turned you gay did it, it’s just you and it could be that your need to be cared for, which I think is a fairly normal need anyway, has just developed and it’s been more pronounced with me because of your love for me, well, our love for each other. Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

“Yep, this sounds good, go on.”

“I think I realised before, but tonight I just knew, how much you ‘need’ me, like you’ve said, to take care of you. But what‘s happened here Nicky, what you’ve got to understand, is that ‘need’ in you, for me, is exactly what I need. I need to look after you, to care for you. This isn’t coming out as easily as I hoped; it’s like we’re feeding off one other, but in a good way. Do you understand?”

“What I need you’ve got, and what you need, I’ve got.”

“You’re a quick study. And that was so much simpler than my lecture. I’ll not leave you anymore than you’ll leave me – that’s right isn’t it?”

“It is right. So you think that this extra neediness of mine started up with a vengeance because subconsciously I realised that you were a…my chosen…mate….who would care for me because your need is to be needed and my need is to be needed or……I’m getting a headache.”

“Do you want a Tylenol?”

“I’m joking man, at this complicated relationship structure we have going here.”

“You know perfectly well what I said, and now you’re playing with me.”

“Yep, I know perfectly well what you said, you said ‘I love you, Nick’ and then you said we’re going to be together forever because we, you Dr Gilbert Grissom and me Nicholas Stokes, are perfectly synchronised – are we not?”

“You are remarkably astute and you’ve summed up in one sentence what I’ve been trying to say all evening; the coffees have gone cold – you said earlier something about ‘bed’ I believe, I think that may a good idea, what do you think?”

“Coffee’s no good for you anyway and bed is a good idea…errrr…are you tired by any chance?”

“Dog tired, Nicky. I’ve had a lot of explaining and lecturing to do and had to expend a great deal of energy.”

“We can cuddle then.”

“I’m actually not THAT tired.”

“You can lie back and enjoy it…my treat.”

“Oh yessss. Hold on; haven’t we established I’m the one doing the caring bit and I will take care of you?”

“Sure, no problem….but tonight I can care for you, if you want me to?”

“Of course I do, come on lets go.”

Nick was up from the couch in a nanosecond and Gil raised his eyebrows as he hauled himself to his feet. Nick held out a hand and helped him up and held him in his arms.

“I love you Gil Grissom, I want you to love me and care for me for…..ever.”

“Well there’s one for the book, because I just happen to love you Nick Stokes and I want you to love me and let me care for you forever.”

“We do need to discuss this and see where it’ll lead us in the future don’t we, because the nature of our….relationship…is going to change and develop over time.”

“Nick?”

“What?”

“Where’s the ‘whiny, childish’ guy from the car lot gone?”

“Don’t need him no more, got myself a sugar daddy to take care of me!” Nick’s exaggerated Texan drawl made Gil laugh out loud.

“I will take care of you.”

“I know you will that’s why I feel so good, no more whining, I just know I’m going to be loved and cared for - I’m solid - man.”

“A ‘sugar daddy’ huh; aren’t they supposed to be wealthy because I may not actually fall into that category…anyway what do you think about selling your condo and moving in here…or should we sell both our places and buy a new home together…………….?”

The End