Title: Take What you Will
By: Shacky20
Pairing: Nick/Greg SLASH!
Rating: M
Summary: Greg will give whatever he needs from him, even his soul. ANGST, Major Angst…… Oh my favorite….

He could feel it's presence before he even opened his locker. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw the piece of paper in the familiar hand writing sitting on the shelf as he stared at it. After a minute he grabbed it with trembling fingers, knowing what it already said, but he wanted to read it again. Knowing he had been chosen felt good, knowing he could give pleasure felt good, knowing he couldn't give love hurt. But that was the part that kept him coming back for more. The hurt, the burning ache in his chest every time he left afterward, but it was still him he came to. If that was all he could have, he would hold onto it as tightly as he could with both arms, that's how much he wanted this. He wanted him, and was willing to sacrifice his soul to give him his body. It was a small price to pay he though to himself.

"G, I be waiting for you at your place after shift, I need you today, N."

No can't wait to see you's, no I've missed you, definitely no I love's you, that wasn't allowed. He knew that going into this 'arrangement' as Nick called it. But for those few minutes, maybe even an hour, he belonged to Nick, only Nick, and he was the one person that could give him that comfort. If that was all he could have, than that was something we was willing to live with, no matter how it ached on in the inside.

He changed his shirt, wanting to at least look decent, for as long as he would have it on. Grabbed his keys, put his badge up and shut the door to his locker quietly. He knew what was waiting at his place, and he should be running for all he was worth. But not today, he wanted more, something not allowed. He walked silently down the hallways and into the parking lot. Sitting there in his car, he was thinking about the could have's and maybe's, that he knew wasn't waiting at his house. But as he drove off he still craved what was there, like air, like water, he needed him, but how much was his alone to know.

Waiting there was someone who needed something that Greg gave freely to him. Unfortunately, he had his heart as well, but that was his secret, and he guarded it closely. Scared if Nick knew, he might lose the physical contact, and he lived for those moments. When Nick would grab him, take him, sometimes not even making it to the bedroom. When Nick would look at him with such need, desire, but knowing it was just a release for Nick. Someone whom he could share his secret with, who could understand the consequences of anyone knowing. They knew each other, they'd been friends for years, knew they were safe, knew each other's crazy jobs and work schedules. Plus they knew each other's secret, both knew neither would tell, and they both needed on outlet. So much blood, death, cruelty. For a little while every week or so they could just forget and feel. At least that's what Nick had offered, and Greg agreed, just to get a taste of Nick. Gorgeous perfect Nick. Nick whom he dreamed of, fantasized of for years, lusted for but never dared hope. So he wouldn't dare let this go, no matter how much of himself he lost each time.

He pulled in his parking space, seeing Nick's truck. He knew what was waiting inside. He couldn't feel the rush of excitement today, knowing in another hour he would be in his bed alone. But he couldn't walk away, he wanted to prove he was man enough to be fucked and not care about the rest. Prove to Nick he could do it all, be a CSI, see the gore, the death, the uselessness of it all, and still be taken like a whore and treated like an unpaid hooker, and be closed off to that too. Too afraid if Nick knew the bitter truth, he would walk away. Nick didn't want emotion, messy feelings, that's why he came to Greg in the first place. As Greg walked to his door, he knew this, but he couldn't turn away. He would take whatever Nick offered, even a quick fuck every few days. He could give him something no one else could. He did cherish that, even though he hated himself a little more each time cause he could never say the words he really wanted too. Maybe someday Nick would be ready, but until then Greg could offer him his body.

As he closed the door and locked it behind him, he felt he heat of Nick's body press up against him. He knew what was coming next.

"What the fuck took you so long G, I was thinking you didn't want me today?" Nick teased by licking Greg's neck and running is tongue inside in his ear. Greg loved that, Nick knew how and where Greg loved to be touched, licked, teased, every inch, and he always used that knowledge to get what he wanted.
"When have I even turned you down Nick?" Knowing he never would, but Nick didn't need to know that. He had to at least let him wonder. He felt Nick's body press him up against the door, heat radiating through his clothes. He could feel Nick's warm hands start unbuttoning his shirt, taking it out of his pants. Then slowly start rubbing his hands all over Greg's smooth chest, and Greg couldn't help but let out a moan as he felt Nick's hand roam his body like he owned him.

"No you haven't G, but you never know. Thought maybe you got sick of me." Nick left a trail of hot wet kisses down his neck, as he tossed Greg's shirt down to the floor. Then he slowly started undoing he belt buckle and reaching inside his pants. Greg knew he was already hard, was secretly begging for Nick to grab his cock and stoke him off. But instead he quickly turned Greg around, so his back was pressed against the door, brown eyes gazing at brown eyes, each filled with desire. Greg worked just as quickly as quickly as Nick did, tugging his shirt over his head in record time. He latched onto Nick's nipple, teasing, tasting, lavishing the hardened flesh. Greg loved the moans that Nick let escape his mouth, knowing he was the reason, he could make Nick Stokes beg for it, beg for him.

"Not yet Stokes, but getting close." Greg lunged in for a searing kiss, no caressing, no love, just lust, nothing more than that, he knew. But he could live with that, especially when Nick's bare chest was pressed against his and he was working on Nick's jeans button as fast as his hands were capable.
"Yeah, you say that, but your cock is speaking volumes to me G." Nick squeezed harder causing Greg to momentarily flinch, losing his concentration on his task at hand, getting Nick out of his pants. He felt his pants fall to the floor, and he quickly got rid of the offending garments as he stepped out of them. Nick had now attached himself to Greg's neck, sucking, marking, claiming what was his, at least for the moment.

"In your dreams Stokes, I'm irresistible, that's undeniable." Greg was trying to keep it light, ignoring the tightness in his chest and concentrating on the ache in his cock, Nick's perfect hand wrapped around it. Nick's lips tasting him, biting him, covering him. Greg lost himself in the sensation, let Nick hold him up against the wall, giving into the feelings, if only for this time, because he never knew if this would be the last.

"You're something all right Sanders." And with both of their pants off, Nick grabbed Greg and turned him back around facing the wall. "I'm gonna take you G, you love that don't you, love being taken." And with that, he drug Greg over to the kitchen counter top and leaned Greg over the top, one hand wrapped around him throbbing cock, as he spit into his other hand.

"Admit it, you like it rough, don't you Greg." And with that Nick put two wet fingers into Greg's ass, and stroked his cock harder. Nick started thrusting against Greg's ass, just waiting to be let in. Greg couldn't help but elicit a moan at he stimulation. He would never admit it, but he loved when Nick took him liked he owned him. He did own Greg, only Nick could never know. He was so close already, he could feel the tingling start, his balls draw up towards his body. But he didn't want to cum, not yet, because when he did Nick would fuck him then we would be alone again. But his body betrayed him as Nick kept pumping into him with his fingers.

"Wouldn't you like to know. God Nicky, so good. More, God more, harder." He couldn't help the pleading in his voice, he dared not beg. He wouldn't let Nick know how bad he wanted him, how he dreamed of being loved and cherished instead of fucked up against the kitchen counter.

"Cum for me G, I want your warm wetness on my cock, I want to fuck you so bad." Greg could feel the hot breath against his ear, his neck, and his head fell back against Nick's shoulder and gave in. He could never resist Nick, never.

"Yes Nick, for you. Fuck, God Nick, harder." Nick plunged his fingers harder into Greg brushing up against his prostate, and squeezing his cock, twisting the head the way Nick knew how, just the right way to bring Greg off quickly. Yes, Nick knew his body that well, but he never dare share his heart.

"Please, Oh GOD Nick, Yes, so good, GOD fuck me Nick, take me now, please." And God he did the one thing he swore he wouldn't do, he begged for it. Nick continued with the slow strokes coaxing every last drop of cum out of Greg's cock. He propped himself up on his elbows and turned to look at Nick behind him. Nick's hand had left his cock and Nick was now covering himself in Greg's warm seed, and God how beautiful. Greg never thought he would see a sight more beautiful. Nick stroking himself, head fallen back, eyes closed, mouth open, making the sexiest moans, as he covered himself in Greg's cum. God, he never wanted this to end, too beautiful, Nick was so beautiful, if he could only tell him.

"Take me Nick, fuck me please." And yes, he couldn't help himself, not after that sight before him. Nick was definitely the most beautiful man he had ever known. But seeing Nick knowing he turned him on, and he was hard, for him, and he didn't care if he begged.

Nick shoved himself into Greg, up far as he could. Greg gasped as he felt Nick cock head brush up against his prostate and the sensations started all over again.

"Oh, I'm gonna fuck you Greg, just like you like me too. Rough," thrusting up each word, Greg wasn't sure what sounds were coming from his mouth, they weren't moans, but not words. "So good, so hot. God Greg you are so fucking tight, I love the feel of your ass. I love fucking you, you're body is perfect G. I love your body." And no, Greg was not going to mistake lust for love, Greg knew the difference, but he wouldn't let it show now. That would be later, when we was alone, he would not show Nick tears, ever.

He could feel Nick getting closer to coming. The way he tightened his grip around his waist, the way his thrusts became more erratic and the sweat he could feel on his back from Nick's chest. His loved this part the most, knowing he was getting Nick off, knowing Nick was going to cum inside of him, claim him, at least for a little while.

"Yes G, God you are such a good fuck, love being in you, Oh GOD Greg, AUGH YES! FUCK!" And he thrusted one last time and stayed buried in Greg, tiny little thrust letting every last drop fall into Greg. Then he leaned over Greg, both of them resting against the counter top. This was the part that Greg dreaded the most. He knew what was coming, but he would never let Nick see, not until he was long gone. Someday he would gather the courage. Someday he would ask him to stay, keep him warm, stay in his bed, lay with him until they fell into a peaceful sleep and wake up and start all over again.
"God Greg, do you know how good you feel?" Nick breathing was slightly returning back to normal, but the blush still covered his upper body as he slid out of Greg's ass. Nick walked over to the sink grabbing a towel, wetting it down and cleaning himself off, then handing it to Greg like they had just shared a cheeseburger instead of a quick fuck in the kitchen.

"Well, I have been told I'm good at what I do, I believe in doing everything to the best of my ability." Greg smirked, trying to hide the ache inside as Nick was already redressing, knowing what was now coming. He was not going to lose his composure now, maybe today was the day he would gather his courage and ask. Maybe Nick wanted it just as bad as he did, but was too afraid to say it also. What if they were both just chicken shit and missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to them?

Nick swaggered toward Greg, handing him his clothes. "Oh, you definitely excel at everything you do G." Nick placed a tender kiss to his lips and for a moment it almost felt like love to Greg, so he gave in to the tender kiss. Nick's tongue swept his lower lip, and Greg let Nick gather him in his arms for one moment, before he pulled away again. "Get some rest, maybe I'll see you between shifts tonight." Greg heart fell after the moment that almost was, but he would never tell.

"Yeah, maybe. Hey Nick, wait! How about, um, maybe he could um, never mind. I forgot now, if I remember I'll ask tonight." Greg said defeated, he almost did it, but he couldn't do it, he couldn't lose what little Nick did share with him, not for a chance of maybe's, he couldn't.

"Are you sure G, you looked like something there was something you waned to ask me." Nick looked up at Greg, and was that hope in his eyes, hope for something more too. He couldn't tell, and he wasn't going to sacrifice his dignity to find out.
"Nope, couldn't of been that important if I already forgot huh?" He tried to laugh it off, but he could almost see the disappointment in Nick's eyes, or maybe that was wishful thinking.

"Well, you know where to find me if you remember, I'm only a phone call away." Nick looked down as he zipped up his pants and tucked everything back in properly, like they just didn't have the best fuck of their lives.

"Yeah, back at you Stokes, see ya around." He said as straight faced as he could, but never looking Nick in the eyes.

"See ya G, take care." And with that Nick was out the door. Greg walked closely behind and locked the door, and pressed against the door for a minute. Remembering not ten minutes ago Nick's hands all over him here, in this exact spot. He could feel the ghost of Nick's touch, his heat was still there, the smell of their sex lingered on his body, and he had to get it off, or he would do something he might regret. Like pick up the phone and beg for Nick to come back and shower with him, play and laugh, dry off, then snuggle in bed all day and sleep covered in one another, the scent of one another. Wake up tangled around Nick.

Instead, he hurried off to his bathroom, turned on the water as hot as possible and jumped in. He needed to get Nick off of him, he dared not make that mistake, or he could lose everything. He shampooed his hair twice and soaped up three times, getting Nick's scent off of him, getting Nick's sex off of him, not that he wanted to, but he could never sleep smelling Nick on his body.

He toweled off, grabbing a clean pair of boxers and crawling into bed. He wasn't going to let himself think about what it would be like to have Nick in the bed with him. Snuggled up behind him, holding him close, smelling him, laughing with him, waking up with him. And he definitely wasn't going to imagine drifting off to sleep with the words " I love you" on his lips, no, he wouldn't let his mind go there. Maybe next time he wouldn't be such a coward, maybe next time he'd ask Nick to stay. Maybe next time Nick would have his arms around him right now instead of his cold sheets. Maybe next time he'd drift off to sleep with a smile and promises of tomorrow, instead of a tear stained pillow cases and only hopes that there will be a next time, but for now, he'd let Nick take whatever he wanted from him.