Title: What it Took
Author: Dixie
Rating: PG-13 (?)
Spoilers: "Play With Fire" (lots of 'em)
Summary: Nick and Greg's reactions to the events of "Play With Fire."
Disclaimer: I don't own them or any part of anything.
A/N: Thanks be to lament/sheryden for her help in beta-ing this. After watching the episode, I had to prove to myself that Nick actually noticed what happened. This is the result.

*

I freeze, my breath caught in my throat when I hear the smashing of glass. When I see where it came from, and what it did, the breath that had caught in my throat now vacated, leaving my lungs completely empty for a moment. I know it's only a moment, though it feels like more, because Archie is in the A-V Lab with me when it happens. His hand lands lightly on my shoulder when the fire alarm starts blaring and he's trying to guide me out of the lab. My mind's foggy, I can't think properly, and I realize that it's true what they say, "it all happened so fast, I didn't have time to think, to process what was happening." That is, until I see Greg sprawled motionless on the floor, shattered glass all around him. I pull out of Archie's grasp and start to run to Greg, only to be stopped by Archie grabbing my arm again, this time a lot stronger than it had been moments before.

"Greg!" I scream, both at Archie and at Greg, hoping maybe he'd turn his head, look at me, smile, and slowly lift a hand, asking me to help him up. When he doesn't, I scream his name again, this time to let God or whoever might be responsible for keeping Greg alive know that they'd damn well better do their job. I try once more, unsuccessfully, to break away from Archie's firm hold on both of my arms before I feel my stomach lurch. I turn in the direction Archie's pulling me and run out of the building. As soon as I'm out the doors, I round the corner and crumble to the ground, my knees giving out at the same time that my stomach gives up trying to calm my shot nerves. I'm surprised when Archie kneels beside me and gently strokes my back, the way a mother does to soothe a young child. I can see the emergency crews are arriving now.

"He'll be ok, Nick," Archie whispers softly beside me. "You need to let the paramedics do their job; they'll take care of him. Everything's going to be ok, just relax," he keeps speaking softly and slowly, moving his hand in small, soothing movements on my back until I begin breathing normally again. Then he moves me away from the spot near the bushes where I had emptied my stomach to see one of the paramedics left outside the building. He speaks to the paramedic who keeps glancing at me and then back to Archie. The paramedic nods, and Archie returns to my side briefly. Touching my arm and looking into my eyes, making sure I was paying attention to him, he tells me, "Stay here Nick. Stay with this paramedic for now, he'll give you something to calm you down a bit. But stay here."

I give him a short nod, I don't want to stay here and he knows it. But my legs are too weak to take me far and I know I really should sit down before I fall down. So I nod. "Fine," I say quietly and let my gaze slip to the ground. When I look up again, Archie is gone and his presence replaced by that of the paramedic's. Hidden from the view of anyone that knows me, I sit down and cry.

* * *

Burning plastic. Coming from... where? I don't have time to find out because almost as soon as I smell it, it blows up, throwing me across the lab, through the glass wall and into the hall. Laying my head on the floor, I close my eyes, and consciousness slips away. I am dimly aware of someone screaming my name. At least, that's what I think I'm hearing, it's hard to tell, the voice sounds like it's coming from miles away, fighting to be heard over the other noises that are disturbing the silence threatening to take hold over me. Not that silence would be bad at this point; who knew being caught in an explosion like that would be so physically draining? I float between dim awareness and unconsciousness as I'm being wheeled out of the building on a gurney. I catch sight of the lab. Or, rather, what was left of the lab. My lab. I close my eyes and try hard to keep my stomach from turning over too many times. As I'm being lifted into the back of an ambulance, I notice Archie standing outside of it looking worried. Archie. Nick was working with Archie across the hall before the explosion. Where is he now? I try to lift my head to see who else has gathered around the ambulance but the door is promptly slammed shut and I again close my eyes and drift away.

My first visitors in the hospital are Catherine and Warrick. Not really visitors though, they're investigating the explosion. I can't help but feel bitter. I know it's not their fault, but really, couldn't Grissom at least let me sleep off the shock first? Or even just send someone to say "hey" and hold my hand for a minute before he sent in the investigators? I wonder if they've even notified my parents yet. My bitterness comes through in my short answers to their questions, which I’m sure they chalk up to pain and tiredness, and dismiss it as nothing personal. And really, it isn't personal, so they'd be right.

"We done?" I ask after only a few questions. I really don't want to relive the incident right now. I don't want to relive it ever again though, so I guess it's probably better to do it now than some other time down the road.

"Yeah. We're done. Feel better, alright?" Catherine answers and I can tell that she isn't sure that we're done, but she doesn't want to push me.

"Get some rest," Warrick tells me and I just raise my eyebrows slightly at him before they leave, quietly.

* * *

I'm slowly coming to after a long, fitful sleep. I sense another presence in the room. I know it's not a doctor, or a nurse. This person is sitting, staring at me, not making any noise. Ever since I was a kid I've been able to tell when there was someone else in the room when I'm sleeping. The painkillers knocked me out enough not to notice when this person entered the room I guess. Or else, I've just gotten used to the doctors and nurses coming and going so much that this person's entrance into my room slipped my notice. Until now. Hoping, but not expecting, I open my eyes slowly.

"Hey," I'm greeted by a husky voice.

"Sara." I sit up as best as I can, considering. "How long have you been here?"

"Since Catherine and Warrick left a few hours ago."

I smile weakly. "You have no idea how many of my fantasies begin something like this Sara. With you waiting at my bedside, that is. Although, usually, I'm not knocked out on pain killers." She actually smiles, she never smiles at my jokes about my made up fantasies about her, or any of my jokes for that matter. That tells me something. I inch my hand out from under the covers a bit, palm up and she slips hers into it. I squeeze her hand lightly and notice the bandage on her other hand. Then I remember. "You got caught in the explosion too."

"Yeah. It's really not that bad. How are you feeling?"

"Like I was thrown though the lab." She smiles softly but averts her gaze slightly. "Where's Nick?" I ask hesitantly.

She squeezes again and rubs her thumb over the back of my hand before answering. "I don't really know, actually. Grissom just sent me to get my hand looked at. I'm sure he'll probably be by later. Do you need anything, Greg? Is there anything I can get you?"

"These pain killers keep knocking me out, I'm only awake for about an hour at a time. If I wasn’t so tired, I'd ask you to bring me some of my coffee. They won't bring me anything to drink except water. Maybe we could spike it." She smiles again and I laugh a bit, for her. It sure isn't for me, because, even with the numerous pain-killing drugs I have pumped into my system, it still hurts. "I do appreciate the company though. It makes the short burst of awake-ness better."

"I thought it might. Listen, I'd better be getting back to the lab. Rest up, all right? And let me know if there's anything you need, I'll bring it in."

"Thanks, Sara." I don't know why, but I feel the need to kiss her hand that is still clutching mine. She gives one last squeeze before letting go to brush a few stray hairs back from my face and press a soft kiss to my forehead.

"See you later Greg," she says and then turns to leave me alone in the room again.

* * *

The lab exploded just a short hour ago, but I’m back at work, like nothing has happened. Archie's treating me a little more delicately now, and when he looks at me it's as if he's studying me. Which he probably is, checking to make sure that I'm not going to break down suddenly. But he doesn't mention anything about the previous incident outside, which I'm thankful for. I need the distraction of work to keep my mind off of the seriousness of what had happened. Ironic how the murder of a complete stranger acts as a distraction from the serious bodily harm that someone I do know is experiencing right now.

Archie really does most of the work, and we identify a new stepping-stone - Jesus Cardenas.

The next day, I stand at the back of the A-V lab while Archie runs the surveillance tapes of the prison's visiting room with Grissom sitting next to him. I crack a joke or two, just to assure Archie - and Gris, if he's wondering - that I really am okay.

After leaving the AV lab, I find Sara in the locker room. The look in her eyes... is not good to say the least. And it just serves once more to remind me of what has just happened to Greg. I have to get her out of it, so that we can both get on with the job. I can tell she's doing the same thing I am, throwing herself back into her work so that she doesn't have to think about what happened. It isn’t working very well for either of us. I drive us to the prison to meet with Jesus Cardenas and she doesn't say anything the whole way there.

Later, Sara, Grissom and I are discussing some of the details of the case while en route to various locations within the crime lab. I'm walking a pace behind them as we pass the ruins of Greg's lab. Most of the glass has been cleared from the hallway, but the cleanup inside the room is going to take a lot longer to even be considered started. I can't take my eyes off of the destruction as we pass. Images of Greg smiling goofily through the glass that should have been there are quickly chased by images of Greg being thrown by the blast to fall on the hall floor. Knowing that this train of thought is extremely dangerous, I shift my attention back to Grissom and Sara.

"You know how these guys are. All they do 24-7 is figure out how to beat the system. Figure the drugs probably came from Jesus." I offer, jumping back into the discussion.

"So what are we saying? Jesus sells Jason Kent heroin, Kent falls into debt and pays him off with Alison Carpenter?" Grissom sums up the theory.

"Yeah, they passed her around like a party favour," I say.

"Actually, she passed around herself," Sara corrects me. Grissom gives her a look and walks away.

I start to ask how she's doing, absently turning towards the lab, but before the words are out of my mouth, she asks me instead, "Have you gone to see Greg yet?" I study her studying me for a moment before I answer.

"No," I say quietly. "No, I haven't. Have you?"

"Hm," She's got a story if she doesn't answer simply to a simple question. "I uh, I was actually taken to the hospital after Greg was. The paramedic that looked at my hand said that I needed to get it fixed properly. After they let me go, I found out what room he was in. Catherine and Warrick were there, asking him questions for their investigation, so I waited. You know, that was one of the hardest moments of my life. Seeing Greg lying so still and quiet. So out of character it was kinda scary. Anyway, I slipped into his room while he was sleeping and just sat there for hours, watching him, going over the explosion again and again in my mind."

I have to turn away, pretending to be highly interested in the cleanup in progress in order to hide my eyes from her. They're filling with tears at the images my mind creates out of her words.

She continues, "During our conversation after he woke up, he asked where you were. I just told him that Grissom sent me to the hospital to have my hand looked at and that you'd probably be by later. Nick," she turns now and places a hand on my shoulder. I bend my head a little further out of view. "Nick, look at me." After a moment, I do, the tears still blurring my vision. "Nick, he's okay," she's looking me straight in the eyes, and I can see that she’s telling the truth. "He's okay, but he really wants to see you. He needs to know that you're by his side."

"I know," I whisper, taking her hand. "I'm scared, Sara." I let out a snorted laugh. "He's the one that got hurt, and I'm scared."

"We're all scared, Nick," she says, squeezing my hand before walking away.

***

I go to see Grissom after talking to Sara. We've done a lot of run-around work today; maybe he'll let me go a bit early to see how Greg’s doing.

"Hey, Gris, got a minute?" I ask, stepping inside the door of his office.

"Sure Nick, what's on your mind?"

I start to play with my hands nervously. I hadn't really played over what I was going to say.

"Um, I was just wondering, see, 'cause Sara and I did a lot of running around today and there's not much more we can do here tonight, if, um -" I stammer to a stop, trying to find a way to say what I need to that doesn't sound desperate or whiny.

"If what, Nick?" Grissom just stands waiting for my request to finally be spoken.

"Grissom, could I take off a bit early and go to the hospital? To see Greg, I mean." I hope that sounds like just the right mix of concerned friend and bored worker for him to allow it.

"No." His answer is simple and yet it baffles me.

"No? Why not?" Ok, so now I'm whining. "There's really not that much time left on the shift and like I said, there's not that much for Sara and me to do here. Why can't I go?" I stop myself short of stomping my feet on the ground and crunching my face up into a look of near-tears-frustration.

“Nick. You're clearly not ready. I can assure you, he's fine. You need to get yourself together before you go see him.

“If there's nothing left for you to do in the lab tonight, talk it over with Sara, have her help you sort through what you're feeling so that maybe by the end of shift, you can go see him without worrying him even more.

“I know that it's a frightening situation, seeing a close friend in a dangerous accident like that and not being able to do anything about it, not being able to be near them. But, Nick, if you go to him now, as you are, a bundle of emotions and about to break down, it won't do either of you any good."

I nod lightly and he raises an eyebrow slightly. "Nicky, my boy," he hasn't used that phrase in so long, it actually feels good to hear it again, "everything's going to be alright," he says, placing his hand on my shoulder for a moment and giving me a smile before leaving his office. As soon as he's gone down the hall, I take off in search of Sara.

* * *

I spend two hours after I arrive at the hospital just standing outside Greg's room, watching him sleep through the window in the hall. It's like watching him through the walls of the lab again, and although that thought frightens me a bit, I haven't yet mustered the courage to actually go in, to face him when he wakes up. I don't trust myself not to break down again, even just a little bit, and I'm beginning to think that maybe I should have waited longer. What will I say to him anyway? There is so much to say that I can't even form one coherent sentence in my mind.

"Mr. Stokes?" The voice belongs to a nurse who had come to stop behind me outside Greg's window.

"Nick. Just call me Nick."

"You can go in the room, Nick. You don't have to worry about disturbing him; he won't wake up until he's ready to. He's been through quite an ordeal; he'll sleep for a while. But when he does wake up, it's nice to have someone there. And he's been asking for you." She smiles before she turns and continues on down the hall.

I slowly turn the door handle and walk quietly into Greg's room.

* * *

Coming out of yet another drug-induced sleep, I can feel the presence of someone else in the room with me again. I can tell it isn't anyone that has been here before, this person feels different. They're quiet, like Sara had been, but not silent. I can hear slight fidgets and slightly uneven breathing. This person must have sensed my awakening because I feel them shift from sitting back in the visitor's chair to leaning in close to my bed. My eyes open, meeting Nick's own dark, concerned stare. Suddenly changing his expression, he smiles, that famous smile that only Nick Stokes could ever give.

"Hey," he whispers, "how are they treating you here, Greggo?"

"Better than my lab did." I try for a bit of humour, as much for him as for me. I know that it worries him, and the other CSIs for that matter, when people step outside their regular characteristics. I guess it comes with the job.

"Yeah, I guess so. Are you doing alright though, all things considered?"

"Yeah, I'm doing alright. I can't really move around much though. I have to stay on my side because of the burns on my back." He listens intently and I can tell from his expression that he's sharing at least some of my pain. "But at least I'm catching up on my sleep," I say with a smile, if only to get him to smile. I can't stand the look of sadness on his face.

He does smile, although somewhat weakly. "Have you slept much, Nick?" I ask, silently noting how dragged out he seems.

"Not much," he says, rubbing his neck and again smiling.

"Tough case?"

"Hm." He averts his gaze, apparently finding something particularly interesting on the floor tiles to look at. "Actually, I've just been a little worried. You know. About you." The last part is almost a whisper, but I catch it.

"I'm in good hands, no need to worry." And there's my famous grin.

"Yeah, that's what they keep telling me." He returns his eyes to mine and his smile is almost gone again. When he continues to speak, his voice is lower and it's almost as if he's hesitant to talk. "I tried to help you, in the hall."

"I heard you calling my name. Sorry, I couldn't respond," I say, the fuzzy memory becoming clearer now as the voice I'd heard in the distance is now identified.

"I tried, Greg, to come to you, but Archie wouldn't let me. He's surprisingly strong," he chuckles before going on. "And, I tried to come here earlier too. For the past couple of days, it's just felt like everyone's been trying to keep me away from you. I probably don't have any right to say this, considering, but I was - I am scared, Greg."

"You're allowed to be scared Nick. It's okay."

I find myself mimicking my earlier actions with Sara as I reach a hand out towards Nick. I'm unsure if he'll take it or not, but I give him the option anyway. He looks at it for a moment and I can tell he's not sure if he's supposed to take it. I slide it a little closer to where he sits and I’m relieved when he takes it in both of his hands.

He's leaning forward now, elbows propped on his knees as he holds my hand lightly, but strongly, and rubs his thumb in circles across the back of it. The gesture is soothing, and to let him know it's appreciated, I give his hand a tiny squeeze and run my thumb up and down his forefinger. Some of his fear and nervousness visibly drain away and he starts to smile softly again. I match his smile and we sit like this in companionable silence for some time, holding each other's hands.

The emotions on Nick's face change as he looks down at our entwined hands. I sit up in bed and make room beside me, motioning for Nick to sit on the mattress. He does so, gently, before stroking my arm.

"Does it hurt?" he asks quietly, nodding towards my arm.

"No," I whisper back as I begin to move my fingers languidly over his knee.

His eyes are now searching over my face, and my neck, looking for injuries I suspect. Seeing none on my left side, he reaches up and cups the side of my face with his hand. I close my eyes briefly.

"Does it hurt?" he asks again, concerned.

I reach up to stop him from pulling his hand away before I open my eyes and look right into his. "No," I tell him, leaning closer, my hand returning to his knee.

He too leans closer, slowly, the uncertainty clear in his eyes. I squeeze his knee gently and smile enough to give him the answer to his unspoken question. We close the gap between us together; both of us keeping our eyes open and locked as our lips connect softly for the first time.

There's an immediate spark of heat in the pit of my stomach and after a moment my eyes flutter closed and I open my lips against Nick's. He moves the kiss along slowly and we both take our time exploring each other. He slides his hand into my hair and I move my hand from his knee to his hip, ghosting over his thigh, softly tugging him closer. He shifts without complaint and without breaking away from the kiss.

I'm practically sitting in his lap now as I move my fingers up and down his sides while sucking lightly on his tongue in my mouth. I'd love to be able to take this further, but given the location and the circumstances, that doesn't seem to be an option. Knowing that there will be time enough for that later, I pull myself away from Nick's mouth. He looks so good with his lips a deep red colour and kiss-swollen that I can't help but lean back in for one more quick, soft kiss. Pulling away with a whimper, I rest my forehead against Nick's shoulder and am quickly held at the waist by his strong hands. I wrap my arms around him and turn my head to nuzzle his neck. I notice he's crying now, but trying to hide it.

"What's wrong Nick?" I ask softly, tightening my grip on him just a little.

He sways gently and looks down at me with a tiny smile on his face. "I really care about you, you know? And, I've known that for a long time too. I was just trying to work up the courage to let you know. Then, when it happened, when I saw you on the floor, I thought... I thought I might have missed my chance. I'm sorry that I waited so long, that this is what it took for me to tell you, Greg."

"Nick, I've been afraid to tell you the same thing for years. I think about you all the time. I worry about you when things go wrong in the field. I care about you too. Hell, this might even be love." We laugh because deep down we both know that it is. I continue, "I'm glad we can finally tell each other how we feel. Even if this is what it took."

I feel sleep trying to claim me again, but before I give in, I ask Nick to stay. He kicks off his shoes and slides into the bed beside me and I fall asleep with my head against his chest, our arms around each other.

*end