Title: Trouble Lane
By: Susie
Email: Susie41694@Aol.com
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Genre: slash
Pairing: Nick/Gil
Rating: NC 17
Summary: Here is the CSI story. It is an AU and was started in answer to a challenge by Shanyles posted a very long time ago. : Nick wasn't part of the CSI team. Gil needed to go for a drive where he meets Nick who is a hustler.
Permission to Archive: WWOMB/Makebelieve, CKOS
Spoilers: None
Author Notes: I wish to thank Shanyles for the challenge. Many thanks to Sphinx and Beth for their beta work.

***

Gil's POV

The night had been one shitting thing after another. I never use any sick time but tonight, I'm out of here and now. Let one of the others cover the rest of the evening. I have a headache and dealing with this place is only making it worst. Picking up the phone, I make the call.

"I'm leaving. I have a headache."

"..."

"I know, but I don't care that there are five new cases. I can't handle even one more. Call someone else in."

I slam the phone down, grab my coat and out the door I go. I climb into my car and start it, turn the lights on, music soft and head for home. I drive on, losing myself to some other place. The music is leading me to the `lonely, no one at home' place. My head is throbbing. The car is driving on, wait, but this isn't the way home. It seems to be heading for the `land of trouble'. I turn the car back towards home.

There's that song again. I push the button, and there's the other song. Pushed the next, and the next going though all the buttons twice now. And still nothing but those `no one at home' songs. My fingers dance over the radio buttons as I watch the road. Shit aren't there any good happy songs? The car is turning once more on to the wrong street. I give. Okay, once down the Strip then straight for home.

The people walking the strip are nothing more than a design on the wallpaper. The lights flicker and the clamor seeps in but the `no one at home' songs keep their hold of me. I drive, watching the road but not really paying attention to where I'm going. I turn on to that street, the one all the guys know, down trouble lane.

"I'm not doing this. I'm really not doing this. I'm just NOT going to do this."

I pull into the parking lot of the bar. A wild woman owns the bar, a madam who handles only male hustlers. I pull in to a spot and shut off the lights but before I can shut off the car, it begins. The two men walking out of the bar are talking. And then I see the guy grab him. He pulls back, trying to pull away from the guy. Now I hear their heated words.

He's saying, "I said no. I don't do that. Go try that guy I've heard that his game."

The guy yelling, "You fucking will come with me. I paid for all the drinks, now get in my car. And you'll fucking do just what I want. It was all set up. And you fucking know it. Or should I talk with Mama Rose?"

The guy shoves him towards a car. He falls into the side of the car and flips around to face the man. He kicks out at the guy, landing the kick right in his balls.

The guy doubles over screaming, "you will fucking pay for this. I'll show you just who I am. I always get what I fuckin' want. Now get your fuckin' ass in the car." The guy straightens up and reaches out for him again. But he is staying out of the guy's reach.

The door to the bar opens as the scene plays out before me. The `no one at home' music softly playing in my car, too determined to let the blast from the bar affect it.

I see the bouncer heading out "Nick, Mama Rose says to get your fucking ass in the car now or deal with me the rest of the night."

He looks right at me, those eyes, like I said Trouble Lane. I open the car door as I pull up to the guy's car. "Nick, get in! Hurry"

He jumps in and I pull out before the guy or the bouncer can do a thing. I drive out of there fast and dark. Waiting until I'm sure they can't see us anymore and pull the lights on, the music still playing. I drive for home now. Someone is coming with me. We both stay silent as the music softly plays. It takes me about twenty minutes to reach my house. I pull up into the driveway and on into the garage closing the door. Still no words are spoken as I turn off the headlights. I turn off the car and open the door. Nick opens his door and steps out. I walk to the door leading into the house with Nick following me.

We walk in, I gesture for Nick to keep going as I shut and lock the door. He stops a few steps ahead and waits. Still no words are said. I lead him into my bedroom. I put all the stuff from my pockets, dropping it in the chest on the dresser, the same as always. I pull off my shirt and he does too. Our pants fall to the floor landing on top of our shoes.

We step into each other`s space. I finally reached out to touch this handsome and vulnerable man. Those eyes, I'm losing myself into those eyes. I pull him into a kiss. It is amazing, yet I crave more. He must too as his hands are all over me. He is mapping me as I map him. Our tongues spark when they touch, energy driving right for our groins both growing so hard, so demanding. The heat from each of us growing and multiplying as the moments tick by. Our bodies need to find an intimacy as we try to become one. We fall on the bed. Nick is kissing his way down my body. I feel his tongue on my nipple and hear the moans. I realize it is me making the sounds. Nick is driving me crazy; my headache is gone. His mouth is all over me; it's taking my cock in. A lick across the slit and I almost lose it. I`m using every trick, every once of control and yet it's not enough. I scream out flooding his mouth and down his throat. Pumping my cum, Nick sucking it out, every last drop.

He crawls up and kisses me. His mouth still flavored by my cum. Air, I need air, gulping it in. My body should be coming down but it's only building more. He's running fingers over my chest, playing with me. Nick is letting me recover and yet, not letting me go. He looks at me with those eyes. I melt into those eyes. I want more. I need more. And I need it now. I twist to the side reaching into the drawer. I pull out the condom and lube handing it to him. The request is unspoken yet understood. He takes them from me and moves to a better position for the next part. The fingers resume their play traveling farther and farther down my body. He kisses my lips then moving to other places leaving kisses along the way. His tongue is in my navel fucking it as his finger enters my hole. Two fingers now play in my hole, next a third. Nick puts on the condom and I moan out from the lost of his fingers. And he's at my hole, pushing in, a moment to adjust, and now all the way. It's so wonderful, so full and he's moving, pumping hard, in and out picking up speed. Driving harder and harder, pushing deeper, I cum without a touch to my cock just him driving me over the edge. He comes hard filling the condom.

We stay still a few minutes just lying there together. Finally he pulls out throws the condom away then gets a towel from the bathroom. He washes us both up, takes the towel back to the bathroom. Walking out he looks to his clothes then at me. I lift the blankets inviting him in. Nick lies down and we curl into each other. And still no words have pass between us. I can feel the soft movement that tells me he is asleep. I fall asleep, sleeping more soundly than I have in months.

Nick's POV

The demanding cry of my full bladder finally wakes the rest of my body. It is so warm and comfortable here that I fight to the last moment. Opening my eyes, I don't know where I'm at for a moment and then the memories of last night flood though me. My hero's arm lay gently over me. His body press close to mine and the gently brush of his breath on my neck. I don't want to wake him, so I move slowly, shifting my body and replacing it with a pillow. He stays asleep.

I walk into the bathroom, close the door and relieve my very full bladder. I look around the bathroom, one robe and a towel hanging in here. I take the towel wrapping it around me. I would normally just forget the towel but I don't know if someone else lives here. I don't even know his name. I really need to get something in to my stomach. Quietly I head out of the bedroom. I stop at the doorway and look over at the chest on the dresser. I could look and see what his name is but that would be breaking the trust that he seems to have given me. I continue out and down the hall looking for the kitchen.

I find the kitchen. The refrigerator leaves a lot to be desired; even my little one has more in it. A bottle of orange juice, diet coke, a half a loaf of bread, butter, mayo, some take out containers and a box of baking soda are all that I find. The freezer has ice trays, coffee and what looks like a bowl of ice cream that was started but never finished. The counter has a towel with three dishes turned upside down on it and a canister set. He doesn't have anything in the cupboards except for dishes. I guess he doesn't eat here much or maybe today is shopping day.

I stand looking out the window drinking the glass of orange juice, lost in my thoughts. I really need to figure out what to do. All that I own is at Mama Rose's apartment building. I will just have to face her sooner or later. Last night was a dream and if life has taught me anything it's that I never get to keep a dream.

"Nick, are you ok?" I jump at the sound of his voice.

"Yes, I hope it's ok, I got a glass of juice. I really needed to get something in my system" and I turn looking at him.

He is standing there in his robe smiling, those eyes of his dancing. "You're welcome to anything you want in there."

I smile. "There's really nothing in there but some take out containers, I'm not to sure that they're safe to eat." His smile gets bigger as he gives a laugh and I continue, "Can I ask a real personal question?"

"Sure you can always ask, but that doesn't mean you will always get an answer." He leaned on the wall.

"What is your name?"

"That's right we never did get to the intro part did we. Just jump right over it. I'm Gil Grissom and you're Nick?"

"Stokes" I slid into a chair. "Thank you for helping last night. I guess I need to dress and get going."

"How about we get dress and I'll take you to breakfast. Or if you prefer I'll get my shower, dress and run get us some breakfast. That way we can relax while we eat and talk." A moment later, Gil leans looking at something in the kitchen. I turn and see it's a clock. "Wait I have the best solution. Let me make a call."

I watch as he picks up the phone.

"Hi Catherine, How about doing me a favor. You're about to leave for home, right?" He's listening "I've got the flu. I'll be out a few more days." … "Could you go by Jakes, pick up my order and bring it to me? I'll get your breakfast too." … "No, I'll call it in. What do you want?" Gil points and I see the pen and paper. I hand it to him. I watch as he writes. "Ok I'm going to call it right in, so you'll just have to pick it up, no waiting." He seems to be waiting then he starts writing again, by the time he stops there are five orders."… "Sorry, I'll miss the meeting but I don't want to give you all the flu!" He's looking at me smiling with those dancing eyes. "See you in about 20 minutes, Thanks."

I'm holding the menu for Jakes. It had been next to the paper and pen. I've been glancing at it while Gil was on the phone.

"Now what do you want, Nick?"

Gil writes my order next to his. He picks the phone back up and calls in the two sets of orders. He makes sure that they will pack them separately to make it easier for the drop off. Setting the phone down he looks at me. There's a sparkle in his eyes "We have about 20 minutes to get a shower and dressed in. You think we can manage it?"

All I can do is nod my head. We both get up; I set the glass in the sink before following Gil. He stops by the other bedroom door. "Go start the shower, I'll be right there." And he turns into the room.

I walk into the bathroom, hang the towel up and turn on the water. I have just stepped in when Gil joins me. He has liquid soap in the shower and each of us takes some in our hands. I start running it over his body and he does the same to me. I lean in kissing him. We step closer, our hands washing the backside as the front slide against each other. The smell of the soap and of Gil are driving me crazy. The touch of his hands and body lighting a fire in me. I want him and I want him now. Gil points to where the condoms are and I grab one turning to rinses off. I put it on. Soaping back up, my hand slides down his back and in his hole. I get him ready, fingers playing, and kissing him. He turns around. Hands on the wall, my hands holding him as I slide in. He pushes back into me. We move closer to the wall and his arms go up holding us up. I'm thrusting hard into him and my hand is pumping his cock. Both acts timed in perfect rhythm. Soon he is spraying the shower walls with his cum. I follow closely filling the condom. We stand, Gil leaning on the wall and me on him. Then I pull out and throw the condom in the trash just outside the shower. We finish washing off and step out. Gil had put some clean clothes on the bed for me. He finished getting dress just in time to get the door.

I could hear them talking. I wasn't sure what to do so I stayed in the bedroom until Gil called me. I saw a pretty woman standing with him.

"Nick, I'd like you to meet Catherine. We work together."

We exchange the niceties and then Catherine leaves to meet the rest at her place.

Gil's POV

Catherine just left and it seemed to go ok. Nick really can be charming. He impressed her, I'm glad. Reaching out, pulling him to me I give him a very passionate kiss.

"Breakfast is served" and I wave my arm toward the table where the box is sitting. We both sit after I have passed the food out.

Taking a drink of my coffee I turn and look at Nick. He eating but his eyes are fixed on me. Those eyes, I just want to fall into those eyes. And when he smiles my blood races through my body. I know I'm lost in him but drowning in a pool of Nick seems like a wonderful way to go.

"Gil?"

The sound of his voice brings me back. It pulls me out of the pool back to the breakfast and the talk. "Sorry, guess I got lost for a minute. Can I ask you some personal questions?"

A smile creeps up in slow motion. "You can always ask, but that doesn't mean you'll always get an answer."

I snicker at hearing my words coming back at me. "Nick, how did you end up working for Mama Rose?"

"That's a complicated and long story, basically I made some really bad choices in life. So to survive I went to work for her. She treats us better than most handlers do. Well, at least most of the time."

"Last night, what was the deal with that guy?"

"He's a vice cop and usually she makes sure I'm already taken. But my john cancelled at the last minute and the cop showed up unexpectedly. I told him when he sat down I wouldn't go in his car. I would only go to Mama's motel across the street with him. I don't have an issue with doing him but that isn't all he wanted."

I could see the pain that this was bring up. I wanted to tell Nick to stop but something in me knew he needed to talk about it. I reached over and touched his hand then pull my chair closer to him. "What did he want?"

I saw the tears welling in his eyes and the effort that Nick was using to control himself. "He started seeing me about a year ago and the first six months were ok. One night I let him talk me into going to his place instead of Mama's motel. He made us some drinks and the next thing I remember is coming to, chained to a square frame. The next day when he finally dropped me back at Mama's I had three cracked ribs, cuts and deep bruises. Mama called in her doc to fix me and I lived for free until I recovered. It took almost a month before I could go back to work. She tried after that to always keep him away from me but he does have a hold on her. Last night, there was no way I would've gotten in that car. A beating by the bouncer is better than what happen last time I was with him. Who knows what would've happened." And I watch as Nick gets this real determine look. "There won't be a next time. I'll leave town first!"

Then I see Nick falling apart inside. "Maybe I can help if you'll let me." And I see a small sliver of hope in his eyes "I need to know why you don't get a legal job?" The clouds start to cover his eyes again "It's so I can figure out how to help you. I need to know what has to be overcome in order to figure how to do it. I promise it will stay between you and me unless you say other wise, ok."

"But he;s a cop, I know he'll come after me. What can you do?"

"Nick, you'd be amazed. I'm a CSI?"

"What's a CSI?"

"Crime Scene Investigator, I'm one of the people that goes out and collects evidence. I have a badge, gun and everything. I know who that guy is and I can keep him away from you. But only if you stay out of the hustling."

Nick has the look of helplessness. "It's the only way I can make money." In that statement I hear a man that thinks he's broken but it's not what I see.

"Nick, you saw Catherine and I told you I work with her. But now I want you to tell me what you saw."

"She seems like a good person. Responsible, normal and you must trust her a lot to have her see me here."

"Your right, Nick. I do trust her. But when we first met you wouldn't have thought of her as normal. She was a stripper and an alcoholic. I saw the as you said `good, responsible, normal' person that she is now. I helped her and I would very much like to help you. No strings, just I see man worth helping. What do you say shall we keep talking?"

"You really know nothing of me. I'm far worst than a stripper and alcoholic. Even you can't remove convictions off an adult record and with mine no will get me a chance. So lets just stop the fairytale before you get hurt. I'll change to my clothes then leave" and with that Nick starts to get up from the chair.

"Please Nick, please give me the week to try" Placing my hand on his arm and looking at him with pleading eyes "You can stay here. I have a spare room and it's yours if you want it. I just have a couple of conditions." His eyes flash with that here it comes look "No hustling, no bringing anyone here, no drugs, and you have to tell me the whole truth, no leaving out things. Can you live by those rules?"

"Yes, but why the spare room?"

"Because I don't want you to think I'm doing this for the sex. If we're together I want it to be because we both want each other and not because you feel like you need to pay me for the help. You see my payment is when I see others seeing the person I see."

I sit back trying to figure out what he's thinking but I can't. "I think you need some time to think about it. I want to run an errand. Please give me a chance." I stand up and walk out of the kitchen towards my room. Nick stays in the kitchen, which is good for I don't want him to hear the calls that I'm about to make.

I close the door to the bathroom, pull out my cell phone and dial the number. "Hello Mama, how are you? …That's right I do have him. …. No, I'm not bringing him back today, and if I get my way, not ever. …. I want all his things taken to the drop off spot that we used last time. … Do you remember the kid you left for me to pick up? I heard from him last week and he's in college now. He's really doing great. …. Yes, I mean all of it, including the money you owe him. … I could always dig up the file, the one that slipped in the back of my cabinet. … You know me. I just have to save a piece of the world every so often and Nick is the latest. … He's a good man and you know it. …. Thanks Mama. …. Bye"

Mama will have his things to the drop off by one pm. I make the rest of the calls to arrange the picking up and dropping off of his things. Now to see what Nick says.

Catherine's POV

I'm walking out to my car. The food is waiting to go to my house where the rest of the unit is. I'm thinking about the man I just met as I drive home.

Gil hasn't looked that happy in a long time. I wish I knew more about Nick. Gil left work with a headache. It's not like him to go out somewhere when he's supposed to be at work? Wonder where they met? Love those eyes. And the body, I could love that bod but he's gay. Gil is a lucky man and that guy better not hurt him. Nick, remember Nick what? I didn't get his last name, shit. How can I run a check on him without his last name? shit

I pull up to my place and they all are standing there, Brash, Warwick, Greg and Sara. With Gil here our little family of sorts would be complete. Greg is at the car opening the door. He takes the box and in we all go. This isn't the first time this has happened just one of the very few that Gil has missed. Come to think of it, maybe the first. The food is all passed out and we sit.

Talk flows easily from one thing at work to another. Next it runs to general things and last to Gil. Jim asking how Gil is and I told him that Gil has the flu. That he is really bad and wll be out a few days. I add that I can fill-in if needed. Finally Greg and Warwick take their leave. Sometimes I wonder what draws us together. I know it's more than work, but is it Gil?

Sarah goes to the bathroom and while she is gone I walk with Jim to the door.

"Does he really have the flu?'

"No but he really does need the time off. I think he's got a new friend. And you know how bad he's been looking. Well, he looked like he'd slept. You know really rested and he was smiling. The guy seemed nice enough and he was very handsome. I really can cover for him."

"Fine, but everyone else It's the flu." And Jim walks out.

I go back to the table and a few moments later Sara joins me. We talk about the problem she needs to talk about. I guess you could say that I've become like the big sister or Aunt that people go to. I offer what advice I can. She doesn't seem to like it but I hope she'll use it. I wish I could explain more to her but it would mean breaking a promise that I made to Gil long ago. Things could get really ugly at work if she doesn't accept what I've said. I walk her to the door once more trying to get her to put two and two together but like me she will need it to be in black and white before it adds up.

Now that everyone is gone I head for a bath. Sitting in the tub trying to relax my thoughts keep going back to Sara and our talk. I thought she had a crash on Gil. I just didn't realize that she'd really tried to make moves on him. Now I understand some of his comments lately and why he's been keeping her away from his cases. And on top of it all she's up for a promotion, a CSI lead position. She's afraid that he will hold `the crush thing' against her and tried to tell him that. Only she feels like she just made it worst. If I could only tell her about me it would help. But I can't with out telling things that can't be said. I wish I could just tell her that he's gay, but like me she'll just have to find out the hard way. Well, I don't mean just like I did, walking in on him doing a guy wasn't the best way to find out that he's gay, especially when I had the biggest crush on him at the time. I know he won't hold it against her anymore than he did me. I tried to reassure her that he really is a fair man.

I should talk with him. If he tells her he's gay it should help the issue. I know he hates to open himself up to us but sometimes it for the best. I think this is one of those times. I need to remember to call him and talk. Right now I crawl in bed for a few hours of sleep.

Nick's POV

I'm sitting here trying hard to figure out this man. He's offering so much but doesn't seem to want anything in return. I've never been given anything for free. Not even my parents gave me anything without some cost to it. Why would he? Could he be for real? Can I trust this man? I want to. My heart says to. Can life really change for me? I don't want him to get hurt! I don't want to hurt anymore!

Gil has returned from the bedroom with his wallet, keys and everything. He is standing in front of me looking, waiting for my answer.

"Gil, I'm scared. I don't want you to get hurt because of me. This time with you has been a fairytale and the nightmare that sure to follow scares me. Each time something good happens the bad grew in strength compared to the good I felt. The way I feel right now only means the bad will be horrendous. That's why I need to leave."

"Nick, just come with me. You can think about it as we ride. I promise I'll only talk if you ask something, ok? And you can put on any music you want."

How can I turn this down? He seems so sincere. I feel so safe with him. Mama Rose is going to shoot me but I want this so much. I still haven't made a sound or movement.

"Nick, that vice cop is not the only one to have things on Mama. And I just used one of my hold cards to get your things brought to us. It will take a little while for all the transfers to happen but they should be with you by evening. Please stay with me until then. Come on the ride will be good for the both of us. Please?"

"I guess I can't let you waste a hold card, can I? Ok I'll go for the ride." I stood and followed Gil out to the car. Walked around and slid in.

The music from the night before is stilling playing on the radio but it doesn't matter. My thoughts are on Gil and the time with him. I was lost in the memories of our time when the car came to a stop.

"Nick, just sit here. I'll be back out in a few minutes."

I watch as Gil walks into the building. I turn back to watch the street as the cars flow in every direction, speeding on to the next place. My mind starts running back in time. I sat there thinking of my childhood.

We were always moving from one place to the next. I stayed with one grandparent or the other most of the time. Sometimes I was passed around to aunts or uncles, and on rare occasions being with both Mom and Dad but usually just one or the other. It was junior high when I realized that we moved to keep one step ahead of the cops. Most of the family made their living by conning, stealing or selling drugs. Some great way to bring up a kid, a life of crime. In high school I had a few teachers that tried to help, but it was still jumping one step ahead of the cops.

I managed to keep high grades even with all the moving. I hid in the libraries to keep out of sight of my family, I guess that helped. One of my high school teachers tried to get my family to let me stay with her when they move in my senior year. But like always the family came first and I knew too much to be left behind. There was no graduation ceremony for me but I do have a diploma.

If only I could have gone to college. That was when I made my first big mistake. I fell in love with a guy at school. His father was the local chief of police. You'd think with my family I would know better. He had these deep blue eyes and wild sandy blond hair. It was the last week of school and we slipped off by ourselves. My eighteenth birthday was last week and my boyfriend had gone with his family out of town to a relative's funeral. He told me he had a gift for me in his room. Ok so the gift wasn't exactly in the room but that is where the giving took place. His father walked in just as we both were coming. It's very bad to be caught with your cock in the chief of police's son's ass especially when you're eighteen and he is only sixteen.

The chief filed rape charges against me. But let the DA make a deal with me to keep it quiet. The deal was that I was to leave the state and never see or talk to the kid again. I found out from a friend that my boyfriend had been sent away to a military school. My family threw me out as it cost them a big con that they had been working on. Besides that my father said I couldn't really be his son if I was gay. I left Texas with the idea to head for California.

It took me about four month to walk, work and hitch my way west. I caught a ride on this truck and ended in a small town in Washington. It wasn't far from Seattle. But a lot of big power people who work in Seattle lived there. The trucker's family had a small enterprise of shops and he got them to give me a job. I lived over the little shop I worked in. That lasted about six months. It was early summer and all the kids of the power people were home from their boarding schools. This time the trouble came in a tall, long dark haired and dark eyed guy. I thought he was over eighteen as we met in a gay club in Seattle. So when his parents caught us in his room a few weeks later I was really shocked to find out that he had just turn sixteen. The ID that he carried said eighteen.

This time I wasn't so lucky. I was sent to jail for six months on the condition that I didn't tell anyone what had happen or have any contact with the guy again. But now it's on my record that I'm a sex offender. I was released at the end of six months but on parole for two years. I had to find work or go back to jail. The people that I had worked for were too scared to take me back for fear of what the power family might do. Finally, I found a dishwashing job in Seattle at one of the lower end coffee shops. I had worked there almost two years when two of my brothers showed up. They decided that I had to help them. I was in the position of having no one to go to for help. The guy they were setting up was gay so this was how I could repay the family. I did what I had to but at the last moment I told the man. My brothers killed him in front of me thinking that he hadn't told anyone else, except he had. He had told his ex-lover who turned out to be a cop. A deal was made for me to do a year for the con job in exchange for my testimony against my brothers for the murder.

My thoughts snap back to the present as Gil opens the car door. I turn toward him.

"Nick, are you ok?" his voice is filled with real concern as is the look on his face."

"Sorry, didn't see you coming." It's then that I feel the tears flowing down my face. I turn away, "I was just thinking about my life. Please, don't ask, don't say anything. Let's just go." And I slid back into the memories, my life story flowing though my mind as I try to figure out what to do next.

Gil's POV

It took a little longer inside than I thought it would. I hope Nick is still there. I push the door open and see Nick still in the car. I'm flooded with relief at the sight of him. The thought of that gorgeous man caused my feet to pick up speed. I can feel the heat in me rising as I get closer to the car. I reach out and pull open the door then freeze as Nick looks at me

I feel my heart lurch as I see the tears flowing down his face. "Nick, are you ok?" I sat down in the car seat as I asked. My attention fixed on Nick.

He quickly turns away. "Sorry, just didn't see you coming." He takes a deep breath then adds, "I was just thinking about my life. Please, don't ask, don't say anything. Let's just go."

I touch his arm, he quickly pulls it away turning into the side of the door. I want to pull him into my arms, kiss and comfort him but I must respect his request. I turn the key and start the car, shift it into gear and pull out of the parking spot. My heart is tearing as I feel the torment that he is lost in. There is so much I want to say but nothing leaves my lips as thoughts race in my mind. I must keep my word.

I stop for gas at the station on the corner of the parking lot. I run in getting a few things in the store as I pay for the gas. Heading out of the station I turn onto the freeway. The rest of the errands can wait. I figure a long drive is a best thing to do. I head for Red Rock Canyon. It can be a good place to face the past. I'm sure that is what Nick is doing and the fault is all mine!

Sometime later I hear the quite sobs. Nick has turned his body, pulling deep into himself. I wish he would let me help but I need to respect his wishes. I keep fighting the need to hold him. I'm torn. The need to watch my driving is helping to keep my word of being silence. I'm gripping the steering wheel to keep my hand from reaching over to touch Nick.

It isn't long before we reach my special spot. The place I go to do really deep soul searching. Nick doesn't seem to even realize that the car is stopped. We sit for what seems like hours but is really only about fifteen to twenty minutes.

"Gil, where are we?" Nick sounds like he's coming out of a daze.

"My special spot in Red Rock Canyon, a place I come to do soul searching. It seemed to me that you were doing that so I brought you here. You're the only one I've ever brought here." My last statement sent a shock though me as I realized just what I had done and said.

"I'm sorry," his voice trailing off as another sob escaped. "You should just return me to Mama's that all I'm good for," as more sobs escaped.

I climb out of the car and walk around to his door opening it. I reach in pulling his face towards me before he can do anything about it. "Nick, you are not a man that I can let be thrown away. I want to help you see what I see. Please? Give me the chance!"

He starts to open his month to talk but I pull him up and into my arms consuming his month in the process. I kiss him drawing the love I feel for him from every part of my body hoping that he will feel some part of it. It is only the need for air that parts our months. Gasping for air I stare deep into his eyes. My heart is reaching for his, our eyes locked as the hearts begin to talk. Kissing his lips in light and tender movements our hearts talk to each other

Finally I feel him start to relax into to my arms. He leans into me his head down on my shoulder. I can feel the deep sigh run though him as he gives into what our hearts are saying. We stand there just holding on to each other as time blows by.

"Nick, I have a blanket in the back that I'm going to get."

I let go of him and get the blanket as well as the bag of things from the store. Nick holds the bag as I spread the blanket out next to the car. We sit down with our backs against the car and our sides touching each other.

"I got turkey or ham? And coke or 7up? Chips and cookies." Nick took the ham sandwich and coke as I held each item up. I opened the chips and we sat in silence eating our lunch.

"Gil, are you sure you want the whole story?" Nick is staring straight ahead.

"Yep, the whole thing."

I turn to watch him but turn back, looking forward as it seemed he needs me to do. He tells me of his difficult childhood. How he and his siblings were passed around. It seemed like he was always on the move, bouncing from one place to another. I resist the need to hold him as it seems he needs to just let the story of his life flow out on to the wind. I listen closely as he tells of being caught and his family kicking him out. Next finding a place for a short time and once again love causing him pain. Bring with it jail and a record. When he does see some of his family again it is only because they have a use for him. Setting him up to take the fall but the fates change it a little. They fall harder but he sees the inside of jail once more.

It is hardest for me to resist my need to hold him as he tells of what happens after leaving the jail in Washington for the second time. He has started to fight the tears. He stops now and then, but pulls it back together again, continuing his tale. But as it gets closer to the present sobs start to escape. Finally I can't stop myself. I reach over his shoulder and pull him into my lap. He lays his head against my neck. He lets the sobs and tears take control as we sit there.

I'm not even aware that I have started to softly coo to him, "Nick, it will be ok. I'm here with you now. You just let it all go. You have a new life to start. I'll be here with you. Be here with you every step of the way. I'll work it out, you'll see. I love you." It's at that moment that I realize he has stopped sobbing and is holding his breath.

"Yes, Nick, I mean it. I do love you. And if you'll let me I'll show you the man I see in you. Then you'll learn to love yourself."

We sit there, quiet, no sounds just holding each other. Starring out over the land we watch as the sun begins to set. Slowly starting to move we get up. Pick up all the things and put them in the car. Climbing in the car, I start it and head for the spot where we can get Nick's things.

Nick's POV

Having just finished the sandwich I know it's now or never. I can't look at Gil. And I don't want him watching me as I talk so I stare straight ahead, out over the landscape as if the story of my life will disappear, the words scattering out thinner and thinner into the air.

"Gil, are you sure you want the whole story?"

"Yep, the whole thing." He turns and looks at me but when I just keep staring ahead he leans back against the car staring ahead just like me.

I hear the words falling from my month as I tell of my childhood, teen years, boyfriends, choices and jail. It helps to feel his body next to me, our arms and legs gently touching. I can feel Gil struggling to stay still and quiet.

Then as I start into the parts where I leave Washington and travel down into and around California it becomes hard for me to keep control. I can tell it's hard for Gil too. I tell of the many questionable choices that I made to survive. I let everything spill out over my lips no matter how disgusting it is. Telling of how the hustling started and the downward spin into BDSM. It is rough but somehow I tell it all.

It's only the feel of him still sitting next to me that is letting me voice it all. The night I ran from the handler's place outside of San Francisco with nothing, stealing clothes off a line as I ran by. Telling of the kind nurse in the clinic that cleaned and bandaged me and how she let me stay the night in the backroom. Hitched, hustled and just did anything for food and a place to stay as I made my way to LA. I fell into what I thought would be a good deal, a few months after hitting LA but like everything else it turn sour. The terrify run from the man in LA to end up in another handler's hands once more. Finally how Mama Rose won me in a game from the next handler and her taking me to Las Vegas for her stable.

I start to lose total control when I'm almost to the night that Gil rescued me. I'm starting to break when Gil pulls me over into his lap. I lay my head on his shoulder against his neck as his arms circle me in protection the sobs flow freely. I let go. In his arms, it feels right. The hurt, pain and scars that have been with me seem to flow away with the tears. His words start to weave their way in.

"Nick, it will be ok. I'm here with you now. You just let it all go. You have a new life to start. I'll be here with you. Be here with you every step of the way. I'll work it out, you'll see. I love you."

My breath catches as the last three words find there way into my mind, heart and soul.

The risk, the risk my mind screams, look what happened before!

But he is special my heart yells back. Quietly my soul speaks he is the one you can trust.

"Yes, Nick, I mean it. I do love you. And if you'll let me I will show you the man I see in you. Then you will learn to love yourself."

The soul and heart win this match as together they say, He's worth the risk.

Gil finally talks again "let's go get your things. We can talk at my place about what your decision is."

We slowly start getting up. I help with picking up all the things and putting them in the car. At last we climb in the car we head out to what I hope will be a new life.

And they lived happily ever after

The End