Title: At Peace
By: ButterfliesForHer
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Rating: AO
Disclaimer: I don't own them, if I did, I wouldn't have time to write fanfiction
POV: Catherine's
Spoilers: None
A/N: I felt the need to write, and this is what happened. I hope someone enjoys it.
Summary: One of their fights goes too far, and Catherine realises she has to finally make things right between her and Sara.

***

Chapter One

I never thought it would come to this.
Sara and I have fought before, but she's always kept some of her composure, always held something back.
But tonight...
It wasn't even one of our bad fights.
No raised voices, no intimidation.
We were just arguing over the evidence.
Then Sara snapped.

"For fucks sake Catherine, would it kill you to agree with me on something for once? Do you enjoy fucking with me? Do you enjoy hurting me? What did I do to deserve this?"

If it'd been a cartoon, you'd have seen my jaw hit the floor. She might as well have slapped me round the face.
She'd crossed the line with me before, but she'd never said anything like that.
But, before I could react, she did something that shocked me even more.
I don't know if it was out of frustration, or if the case had got to her, but she burst into tears.
She turned away from me, her shoulders heaving in time with her sobs.
Those sobs shook me to the core and sent a jolt of pain right to my heart.
But, before I could reach out, at least attempt to comfort her, she'd gone.
She ran, straight out of the lab to her car, and didn't look back.
And now I'm just sat in my office, staring into space.
I should be working on the case.
I should be trying to help catch the bad guys.
But, all I can do is sit here, her heartbreaking sobs echoing through my mind.
I can't leave her out there all alone.
It's time I reach out to her, stop causing her pain, and start giving her comfort.

Before I have time to think, I've collected my things from my locker, told Grissom I was leaving, and ran out of the lab to my car before he had the chance to stop me.
I know there'll be consequences tomorrow, especially as I'm the second person to do this tonight, but right now I don't care.
All I can think of is Sara.
It's pouring with rain outside, the sky being torn apart every few minutes by lightning.
Despite this, I make it to Sara's apartment in under ten minutes, although it's usually a fifteen minute car ride.
Although I run to the building, I'm soaked by the time I make it inside.
The elevators broken, so I race up three flights of stairs, a feat that would normally leave me exhausted, but with the adrenalin racing through my veins I think I could run a ten mile race and not even end up out breath.
I reach her door and press the door bell, over and over again.
I do this for ten minutes before I finally give up.
She's not here.
I slump against the wall, weariness replacing the adrenalin, going through every place she could possibly be, until my mind fixates on one particular memory...

'The suns rays shone down, turning the lake into a sea of diamonds. The breeze was cool but gentle. Sara turned to me, brushing a few stray hairs away from her face, and smiled, motioning for me to come closer. Then she turned back towards the edge of the cliff and the spectacular view of Lake Mead. I stood beside her, admiring the natural beauty, and enjoying the feel of the sun and the breeze on my face.

"Sometimes, when I've worked a really hard case, or everything just becomes too much to bear, I come here. It's the one place where I feel completely at peace, the oasis in the desert."

Then her expression darkened.

"It's just spoilt by the fact that it's also the perfect place to dump a body."

Sara and I had been assigned a body dump at Lake Mead. We had been driving round until Sara had told me to stop the car. She'd jumped out, and for the last ten minutes had been stood at the cliff edge, looking out over the lake. She turned to me again and her expression was peaceful, her smile sweet.

"I can't help it though. Just being here...it calms me. So no matter how many horrible things I see out here, I always come back."

I returned her smile, thinking about how nice it was to spend more than a couple of hours together without being at each others throats. We stood there awhile in silence, letting the minutes pass by and admiring the view.'

I know it's a long shot, but it's all I've got now.
Now I've got a destination, something to focus on, the adrenalin returns, and I run back downstairs to my car, the rain running in cold rivers down my neck. It's exhilarating rather than encumbering, and it only motivates me more.
I have to find her.
I have to make this right.

***

Chapter Two

As I approach the spot where we stood before, I begin to feel nervous.
What if she isn't there?
What if she's done something stupid?
I push these thoughts from my mind, and relief floods through me as I make out the familiar shape of her car parked on the side of the road.
I pull up beside it, and kill the engine, then jump out of the car.
I look out towards the lake and in a flash of lightning see Sara's figure standing dangerously close to the cliff edge.
A huge part of me wants to run over to her, drag her away from the edge and scream at her for doing something so stupid and dangerous, but the rational part of my brain takes over.
If I startle her, she could fall, so I'll have to be careful.
I approach her slowly and stand a little way behind her.
She doesn't react, although she must have heard my car pull up.

Eventually she turns to me, and what I see in her eyes terrifies me.
In fact, it's what I don't see that scares me the most.
Her eyes, usually so full of emotion are vacant, empty.
She's soaked to the skin, hair plastered to her head, but the cold isn't affecting her. If she's surprised that I'm here, she isn't letting on.
I remain silent, although there's so much I want to say.
This is her time to talk.
After what feels like hours, she finally speaks.

"It was a night just like this..."

Although I'm already dying with curiosity, knowing that she's finally about to open up to me, I remain silent.

"There was rain, even harder than this. You could barely hear yourself over the thunder. But not even the thunder was enough to block out the screams."

She looks away again, and all I want to do is grab her hand and pull her away from the edge. But I know that I can't. This is something she has to do. She has to pull herself away from that edge.

"The screams are engraved in my memory, just as strongly as the smell. You know what blood smells like. It was so strong, so heavy; it felt like it was pushing me to the ground. I remember the flash of the knife just as clearly. It flashed again and again and again. Blood all over him as he dropped to the floor, blood all over her as she screamed, blood all over me as I crouched in the corner and blood everywhere, just everywhere..."

She pauses again, and I feel tears begin to burn my eyes. The way she's saying these things frightens me, her voice devoid of emotion, and yet I can feel emotion radiating from her body, trapped inside, fighting to get out.

"You see, my mother had finally had enough. My father used to beat me, my brother and her, and as she couldn't fight back, she used to beat me and my brother too. But one day it got too much for her to bear. She grabbed the knife from the kitchen and stabbed my father, over and over again. The neighbours heard the screams and called the cops. When they got there, one of them had to leave the room to vomit. A social worker came and took my hand, and its odd, although I can't remember her name, she was my lifeline at that point, all I could focus on was her hand in mine, leading me away from that terrible scene, out into the rain."

My tears are flowing freely, but her eyes are still empty. I remain silent, no longer out of choice, but because I'm frozen to the spot. I knew something terrible had happened to her, but never anything like this. I'm pulled from my thoughts when she starts to talk again.

"Most of the time, I can repress it, keep it buried so deep within me that it only comes out when I work a case that reminds me of it. But this is the anniversary, the exact date of that night, and I can't keep it down. Every year on this day I relive it, over and over again, and I can't stop it. It won't stop."

My heart breaks at the emotion in her voice, although part of me is relieved that finally she's feeling something. As she turns to me, more tears spill from my eyes as I see unshed tears in her beautiful brown eyes.

"I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you tonight. It was uncalled for, and you didn't deserve it. I was hurting and I was angry, and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry Catherine, I'm so sorry."

I cry harder, hating myself because I made her think she had to apologise to me. I know there's nothing I can say to make this better, so I take a step back and hold out my hand to her, silently begging her to take it, to step away from the edge.
She looks at my hand, looks me in the eye, then reaches forward and takes my hand.
I pull her towards me and she falls into my arms, the rain pouring down on both of us, mixing with our tears.

We're both sobbing, holding on to each other so tightly, I'm surprised either of us can breathe. I'm filled with so much bottled up emotion too. The same emotion I felt when she handed me that candy bar at that grocery store robbery all those years ago. The same emotion I suppressed every time I picked a fight with her. The same emotion I felt when I looked at her as we stood in this exact spot all those months ago. I love her. I love her so much it hurts. I want to show her, but I'm afraid it'll be too much too soon. Instead I just continue to hold her, until her sobs lessen and she allows me to lead her over to my car. We're both soaked, so as soon as I've got her in the passenger seat, I switch on the engine and reach into the back of the car and grab the blanket I keep on the back seat and go to wrap it round her.

I realise that it won't do much good if she's still wearing her wet clothes, but there's nothing else for her to wear, so I wait for the car to heat up before speaking again.

"Sara?"

She turns to look at me, and although she still looks incredibly sad, she gives me a faint smile which I return.

"I know you're feeling vulnerable sweetie, but if we're going to warm you up, we need to get you out of those wet clothes, except there's no clothes for you to change into. You can wrap yourself up in the blanket, and if you don't want to, it's fine, but-"

Her voice, cracked and hoarse, stops me.

"But what about you? There's nothing to wrap you up in."

I want to cry again at how amazingly selfless she is. She's been through hell and back, yet she's still worrying about me being cold.

"Honey, you've been outside a lot longer than me. You need this much more than I do."
"What about my car?"
"We'll send a tow truck to get it in the morning."

This seems to satisfy her, and then she looks at me, then looks down at her sodden shirt. Realising she needs as much privacy as she can get at the moment, I look away, gazing out of the window into the pouring rain, watching the flashes of lightning reflected on the lake.
But a few seconds later her plea pulls me out of my daze.

"Cath..."

I turn round, and my heart breaks all over again.
Her hands are shaking too much for her to undo the buttons on her shirt.

I meet her eyes for a second, to make sure it's ok, then I reach over and begin to unbutton the shirt. My hands shake a little as I do, but not just from the cold, and I curse myself for feeling even the slightest bit of lust at a moment where she's feeling so exposed. Her eyes are closed as I undo the last button and she automatically leans forward so I can slip the shirt off her shoulders.

I can't help but admire how beautiful she is, but her shivering pulls me from my reverie and I turn my attention to her jeans. I gently cup her chin and she opens her eyes.

I motion to her jeans and she shakes her head, indicating she can do it herself. I turn away again, and this time, there's no plea. A light touch on my shoulder tells me its ok to turn round, and she gives me a soft smile, already looking like she's warming up, smothered by the blanket. This reminds me of just how cold I am, despite the warmth of the car, and I realise it's time we were heading back. I don't care what she says, she's coming home with me. I won't let her be alone tonight.

When we pull up in my driveway, I'm still freezing cold. I silently thank my sister for having Lindsay tonight. I grab my purse, and Sara's clothes, then lead her, still wearing just the blanket, to the front door. Despite my hands shaking, I manage to quickly open it and get us both inside.
It's warm inside and that only reminds me more of how wet and cold I am.
Sara's standing behind me, looking shy, and yet again I'm struck with how much she means to me. How much I love her. I begin to walk upstairs and motion for her to follow. She does without protest and when I get into the bedroom she even seems more at ease.

I give her an oversized t-shirt.

"I'll change in the bathroom so we can both have some privacy, ok?"

I know I'm talking to her like she's a child, but it seems to soothe her. I quickly change; revelling in the feeling of wearing warm, dry clothes, then return to my bedroom. Sara is sat on the edge of the bed waiting for me and I'm surprised when she gives me a full, gap toothed grin.

I can't help but smile back.
"Feeling better?"
She's asking me?
"A lot now I'm warm and dry. How about you?"
She sighs, and I expect her to push me away again, but instead, she takes my hand.
"Better than you'd expect. I was so shocked when you showed up tonight. I'm so used to dealing with things alone. But you made me feel so safe, so cared for, so..."

She trails off and looks away from me.

"Sara?"
"No, it's stupid."
"Nothing you have to say is stupid."
"You...you made me feel loved, ok?"

She tries to pull her hand away, but I hold it tight, and tug gently till she looks at me again.

"Sara, that's because you are loved. I've loved you for such a long time, but stupidly I've tried to hide it, to deny it. I understand if you don't feel the same way, but I just need you to know that I really care for you, and I want to protect you. I don't expect anything, I just want to be there for you."

To my surprise, her smile appears again.

"Well that makes two of us."

Then her lips are on mine, insistent, demanding, but I pull away.
I see the flash of hurt, but I wrap my arms around her before she tries to pull away.

"It's not that I don't want to honey, it's just that you've been through so much tonight, you're feeling so vulnerable, and I don't want it to be too much too soon. There'll be plenty of time for that in the future, but right now I just want to hold you, and fall asleep with you."

I'm scared she's still hurt, that she doesn't understand, but she presses a kiss against my forehead and slips under the covers, moving over so there's space for me beside her. I click off the light and climb into bed, and she pulls me closer till we're pressed against each other. I wrap my arm around her waist and snuggle up to her until my head's tucked underneath her chin.
I'm drifting off to sleep when I hear her whisper something; something my heart has longed to hear for such a long time. She told me she felt the same but I wasn't prepared for how it would feel to actually hear her say the words.

"I love you Catherine."
I kiss her neck gently.

***

Chapter Three

I'm so warm and comfortable, I've decided I'm going to stay in bed forever.

Well, just as long as I can persuade Sara to stay here with me.

I don't know if she's awake or not, but I'm determined to keep her here for as long as possible.

I doubt she'd object after her confession last night, but I guess a small part of me is feeling insecure.

Ok, a big part of me.

She was so vulnerable last night...

What if she only said it because she needed comfort?

What if she didn't mean it?

"Mmm, morning."

Ok, so maybe she is awake. Well, she doesn't seem to be leaving or even moving, so I assume that's a good sign.

"Morning to you too. Did you just wake up?"

"No, I've been awake a little while. I was just way too comfy to move, and I didn't want to wake you up."

"What's the time?"

"Well, as we left shift really early, we got to bed at quite a normal hour. It's only 11am."

"We've got ages. So, if you don't object, I think we should stay right here for a while."

She kisses the top of my head.

"Sounds fine to me."

We lie in silence for a while, just cuddled up together, but when Sara speaks again, she sounds a little insecure.

"Cath...when you pulled away last night when I kissed you, was it just for the reasons you said, or was there more to it than that?"

How can she possibly think that? I'm crazy about her! I'd have thought she realised that after last night, but I guess she's feeling insecure for the same reasons I was. Knowing she's still waiting for an answer, I decide to show her in the best way I know how.

"I."

I kiss her forehead.

"Love."

I kiss her nose.

"You."

And finally my lips meet hers. She's quick to respond, and soon we're battling for dominance, each of us trying to be the one in control. When the need for oxygen becomes too great, we just lie there, lips still touching, breathing laboured. I feel Sara's lips press against mine briefly, then she kisses down to my pulse point, nipping it, then soothing it with her tongue.

I bite my lip to hold back a moan.

Sara has yet again amazed me.

Last night, and just a minute ago too, she seemed so insecure, but now she's completely at ease, confident even.

I'm not complaining, I find this side of her incredibly sexy.

Her lips move from my neck until they're pressed against my ear.

"I want you."

I'm shocked.

I haven't even thought about that yet.

My skin begins to burn and I gasp as she lightly traces the underside of my breast whilst raining kisses all over my face. I feel her smile against my skin so I reverse our positions and capture her mouth with mine.

I explore every inch of her mouth until we both pull back, gasping for breath.

I can't describe how stunning she looks now.

Her eyes are half closed with desire, her lips are kiss swollen...I always knew she was beautiful, but now I'm blown away. She's just amazing.

Her hands move to my sides, and in a few swift movements, she's removed my top.

There's still a nagging doubt at the back of my mind that she isn't ready for this, but her actions say otherwise.

I think it's me that's not ready.

It's not that I don't want her, I do, so much it aches, but this is just too soon.

I need to show her that there is so much more to this than sex.

"Sara, we need to stop."

She looks up and meets my eyes and I'm afraid she's hurt again, but her beautiful smile lights up the room.

"Too soon?"

I nod, and rest my head against her shoulder.

She presses a light kiss against my hair and we lie in silence for a while.

"I love you Sara."

"I love you more."

I'm glad she understands. It's not that I'm not worried about the sex, I know it'll be amazing because it's with Sara, but I need to know that this is going to work before I give myself to her completely.

And, if I admit it, I'm still in shock.

Yesterday, we could barely tolerate each other.

Today, we're lying in bed together, completely loved up.

It's not that I doubt she loves me, and I know I love her, but I just need things to slow down a bit.

I know we've wasted a lot of time, but we've still got our whole lives ahead of us.

***

Chapter Four

One Year Later

"Sara, I don't see why this is such a big deal. We don't need a piece of paper to prove we love each other. What we've already overcome is enough proof."
"So why not just make it official?"
"It's official enough as it is. I love you, you love me, and we both know that. What else matters?"
"If you loved me so much, you'd want to marry me."

And with that, she grabs her keys and storms out of the front door.
Today is our one year anniversary, and I was worried that yesterday would have cast a shadow over it.
After all, it was the anniversary of her father's death.
In fact, Sara was fine.
She was completely focussed at work, and although I gave her every opportunity to open up if she was upset, she didn't seem to need to.
And, this morning just before we fell asleep, she explained why.

"Sometimes, when I'm lying here with you, I'm still amazed that this is real. I know it sounds corny, but you really have changed my life. A year ago, some days I didn't even want to get out of bed, it just didn't seem worth it. Now though, just a smile from you is enough to keep me going through the whole day. I know you've been worried about me, but I promise, I'm fine. Obviously it still hurts, but knowing I've got you to help me through it takes so much of the pain away. I know we've only been together a year, but I can't imagine my life without you. I love you so much Catherine."

By the end of that speech, I was in tears. She voiced pretty much everything that I feel for her.

"What the hell am I supposed to say now Sidle? Anything I could possibly say isn't going to top that."
"Don't say anything. Plus, there's something I need to ask you. It's an official proposal or anything but I was wondering..."

She sounded nervous, so I didn't want to rush her, but I was as curious as hell. The word proposal should have given it away.

"You were wondering...?"
"Would you like, um...?"

I was speechless again, and before I could say anything, she was talking again.

"Look, lets not talk about this now. I shouldn't have asked you now because you're obviously really tired, but it just seemed like the right time and..."

She was babbling so I cut her off by giving her a kiss.

"We'll talk about this later ok honey?"

She nodded and wrapped her arms round me, then almost immediately fell asleep.
Unsurprisingly, I barely got any sleep at all.

It's not that I don't love Sara enough to marry her, god, before Sara I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love her, but as stupid as it sounds I don't associate the word 'marriage' with the word 'love'. If anything, I associate it with 'divorce'. I know that's stupid, but all I can think about is my marriage to Eddie and how horribly wrong it went. I know it's highly unlikely that being married to Sara would be anything like being married to Eddie, but I'm scared. I feel like getting married is the point where everything in a relationship goes wrong. Besides, I don't see why me and Sara need to get married. We live together, we're completely in love, and everyone knows it. I love Sara with everything that I am. I don't need a fancy ceremony and a piece of paper to prove that.

But, it seems Sara does.
When I tried to explain that to her later on the day, she took it the complete wrong way.

"Those are completely stupid reasons Catherine, and you know it. Why don't you just come out straight and say it? You don't want to marry me."
"It's not that I don't want to marry you personally, I just don't want to get married full stop. I've been married once before, and look at how awful that was. I don't want that for us."
"So you think I'm like Eddie."
"Sara, that's ridiculous, I love you more than I ever loved Eddie. You're wonderful, and nothing like him whatsoever, it's just that I've never been able to see marriage as a good thing."
"If I'm so wonderful, and you love me so much, why won't you marry me?"
"Sara-"
"No Catherine, just don't."

We continued in a similar vein all day, up until a minute ago, when she left.I don't know what to do, or what to say.
I can't believe she thinks it's because I don't love her. That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've heard all year.
Me and Sara both have tonight off (which happens once in a blue moon, but tonight Grissom fixed it for us) so we were planning on going out, but I doubt we will now. I think I'll have a glass of wine and a hot bath, and then go to bed.
We'll talk tomorrow.

I'm awoken later by the incessant ringing of my cell.
Sara isn't back yet, but I'm not worried. I guess she went into work
I check the clock and see that it's 3am.
God, work must be really busy tonight if they need both of us.
Hold on, why is Brass calling me.

"Jim? What's wrong?"
"Catherine, you need to get to Desert Palms right away. Sara's been involved in a car accident. I'm sorry Cath, but it's not looking good."

This can't be happening. This just can't be happening.

***

Chapter Five

'Her skin was flushed, covered with a light sheen of sweat, burning hot to the touch. Her breathing was laboured, her ebony eyes cloudy and half closed. Her hips bucked, her muscles clenched, pulling me in deeper as I slowly took her for the first time. I increased the speed of my fingers and the rhythm of her hips changed to meet my pace. She was close, and with one more stroke, I sent her over that edge.
I'd always thought of her as the most beautiful woman in the world, but at that moment she looked so breathtaking I almost wanted to cry.
She'd been almost completely silent until that moment, not because she wasn't enjoying it, but because she was so focused in her passion.
But, when she fell over that edge, her head thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut, I almost fell with her when she screamed one word –

'Catherine!'

I eased her down gently, not removing my hand until the last shiver had left her body. Then, after placing a light kiss against her stomach, I slid up her bed and wrapped myself around her body, lightly kissing the skin where her shoulder met her neck until she spoke.

"Wow."
"Wow to you too. I never thought I'd be so turned on by someone screaming my name, but I guess there's a first for everything."

Her laugh was low, husky, the deep timbre of her voice channelling her desire.

"Just hearing someone talk about you in passing turns me on."

We'd been together a month and half, and finally given in to each others desire. And god, was I glad that I waited. I don't think someone had ever made me feel as good as Sara had.
And considering her reaction as I made love to her, she felt the same.
We lay there in silence for a while, before Sara kissed the top of my head, whispered that she loved me and pulled me closer.
Five minutes later her breathing had evened out and she was asleep.
Sleep did not take me though, so for a while I just watched her sleep.
She was not restless, at least not yet anyway. The first half an hour was the only time Sara's sleep was peaceful and undisturbed.
I watched her a lot, you see.
At best, she'd fidget, her face a permanent mask of discomfort.
At her worst, she'd scream and hit out, several times she'd hit me, but I could never leave her. I'd just lie there; stroking her back, till she awoke or the nightmare subsided slightly.
That night I was almost asleep when she got restless. Although she pushed away from me slightly, I pulled her back towards me, ignoring her struggles, silently promising her that I'd always be there for her, whether it was during a bad dream, or much much worse.'

I'm pulled from my memories of Sara by Grissom's concerned call echoing through my mind.

"I'm fine."

This has been my automatic response to everyone who's asked me since Sara was admitted last night.
It's been twelve ours, still no change in her condition.
She's in a coma.
Although she's stable, and the doctors say there is a chance she'll wake up, her condition remains critical and the next 36 hours are vital.
If she makes it through them, it's almost guaranteed she'll make a full recovery.
Until then though, all I can do it wait to see if she wakes up or not.

"Catherine, I may not have the best people skills, but I get paid to observe, plus, even a blind man could notice you're upset. "
"Grissom, I don't want to talk about it."

He gets the point and leaves.
I'm not trying to be nasty, and I'm so glad they're there to support me, but right now I can't talk about this.
This is my fault, and if I talk about it, everyone else is going to find out it's my fault and they'll hate me, and somehow I feel if I talk about what's happening, it'll make it more real and Sara will die.
I know it's irrational, but I can't help it.
All I can do it sit here, outside Sara's room in ICU, watching her through the glass and willing her to wake up.
I'd been thinking about the first time we made love, and how beautiful she looked then, how alive she looked.
And how terrifed I am now.
The thing is, Sara's sleep has always been disturbed. Although she'll sleep for just as long as the average person, she's plagued by night terrors, and rarely are her dreams pleasant.
She's not a peaceful sleeper, but I'm used to this.
But she's being lying in the bed in ICU for almost 12 hours, with this peaceful expression on her face, qnd that frightens me more than anything because people look peaceful when they pass a-..
I can't think like this. I need to be strong. I need to be positive for Sara's sake.
Then strong hands grab mine, and I'm dragged away from my seat, protesting all the way down the corridor until Warricks eyes meet my own, and seeing the concern in them causes some kind of dam to break inside me.
I collapse to the floor sobbing, Warricks arms around me, rocking me until I finally have no tears left.
Then, we find a door that leads outside and just stand there, staring at the night sky.

"Hey, Warrick?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."

We remain in silence for a few minutes longer, before I finally feel ready to talk.

"Sara proposed."
"Catherine, that's wonderful."

He's acting like she's not lying in there possibly dying as we speak. I don't blame him though. He probably doesn't want to face up to it either. The whole team loves Sara.

"I said I didn't want to."

I can hear the questions he wants to ask, even though he's silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I just came up with a load of excuses not to marry her, even though they all sound lame to me now. But the stupid thing is that I do want to marry her, I was just scared. I was scared of getting trapped and putting Lindsay through another divorce. She adores Sara almost as much as I do. But it's taken this happening to make me realise that I want to be with Sara forever, I want to show the world how much I love her, and how much I do want to marry her. But I said no. And now it could be late."

Warrick is silent for another half minute before replying.

"Brass said they found her car on the way to Lake Mead. Why would she be driving up there?"
"It's where we got together. And if I hadn't said no to her proposal, we wouldn't have argued all day, she wouldn't have left the house, and she wouldn't be lying in that hospital bed fighting for her life."

Warrick pulls me into my arms and although I thought I'd let them all out, tears prick my eyes again.

"You cannot blame yourself for this Catherine, it was an accident. Things happen for a reason, and if this is Sara's time, something like this would've happened anyway. Don't blame yourself, no one else will, especially not Sara. Don't punish yourself, she won't want you to."

He holds me tighter and I lean into him, revelling in the fact that there's someone here for me who really cares.
Suddenly the door bursts open and a breathless Greg almost runs into us.

"Guys, you need to come quickly, it's Sara."

***

Chapter Six

I race down the corridor after Greg, not thinking, not feeling, just needing to know.
As I reach Sara's room I hold my breath and once I reach Sara's room I almost collapse.
She's awake. My Sara is awake.
Her eyes meet mine and there's no anger in them, just love, and weakly she opens her arms to me.
I bury my face in her neck, revelling in the feel of her, and even more tears fall.
I only pull away to press my lips against hers, and she kisses me back, and it's the most incredible feeling ever.
More incredible than our first kiss, more incredible than the first time we made love.
Just the fact that she's here, awake, alive.
Nothing is said, I don't need to say anything.
I just hold her until the doctor arrives and I have to let go.
As soon as he's finished checking her over, I hide in her embrace again.

"I forgive you," she whispers.
"Marry me," is my reply.

The suns rays shone down, turning the lake into a sea of diamonds.
The breeze was cool but gentle.
Sara turned to me, brushing a few stray hairs away from her face, and smiled, motioning for me to come closer.
Then she turned back towards the edge of the cliff and the spectacular view of Lake Mead.
I stood beside her, admiring the natural beauty, and enjoying the feel of the sun and the breeze on my face.
I lean over and kiss her neck, then lift my hand to admire the sparkling ring there.

"We should have had the service up here."
"We would have, if it was legal in Nevada."
"It doesn't matter though. All that matters is being with you."
"Canada was just as beautiful anyway."

I laugh, and wrap my arms around her neck.
I love this woman so much.
We got home from our honeymoon this morning, and despite the fact we were both exhausted, Sara insisted on coming up here.
This place is our place.
Three years ago, I never would have imagined I'd be married again, let alone to Sara.
But then again, I never would have imagined I'd be this happy.
Obviously, we still argue, but then we make up, and although life isn't perfect, I'd say it's as near perfect as it's going to get.
Sara is perfect.
Yes, she has faults, but they make her all the more perfect.

We sit down in the sun, Sara rests her head in my lap and falls asleep, while I sit admiring the beauty of her and the lake.
I sit here for hours, watching her and the lake, and then I realise for the first time ever that her sleep is completely undisturbed. Her face is relaxed, her expression one of peace.
To me, she's never looked more beautiful, or more at peace.

***