Title: Broken Barbie Doll
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Hurt/Comfort, mission_insane
Prompt: 4, Broken
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Nick headed down the hall towards the bedroom he shared with Greg after he'd brushed his teeth, ready to take his boyfriend in his arms and settle down for sleep. They'd both had a long night at work, and he was sure that Greg was just as tired as he was.

He stopped in the doorway of their bedroom, a frown furrowing his brow as he watched Greg. The younger man was standing in front of the dresser, his back to the mirror, trying to look over his shoulder at his reflection and frowning.

Nick knew what the frown was for; the spidery white lines crisscrossing Greg's shoulders and upper back told their own story. They could be removed with surgery, of course, but that was something he and Greg hadn't discussed yet. So far, it hadn't seemed to be an issue.

Nick knew that the scars bothered Greg; he himself barely noticed them. They made patterns under his fingertips when he moved his hands over Greg's back, but he didn't think of them very much. To him, they weren't disfiguring in any way.

To Nick, those scars were a sign of Greg's strength, his bravery, all that he'd been through. That explosion in the lab hadn't been nearly as harmful as it could have been; Greg hadn't been taken away from him for good, and those scars were mute proof of that fact.

It could have been so much worse, Nick told himself. Greg could have been killed in that explosion, or maimed, or burned more more badly than he had been. For him, those scars were a testament to the incident that had brought the two of them together.

Greg saw them differently. He knew that his boyfriend considered those scars disfiguring marks that he'd rather just get rid of and try to forget about; he didn't want to be reminded of something that had been a horribly traumatic experience for him.

He didn't blame Greg for that. But he hated the fact that his boyfriend considered himself broken and less than worthy of being with him because of those scars -- because of the way Shane had made him feel after the explosion, the things that he'd said to Greg.

Nick's hands balled into fists at the memory; he might not have heard those words uttered with his own ears, but Greg had told him enough about what Shane had said to make him killingly angry. Shane had decimated Greg's self-confidence, colored how he saw himself.

As he watched, Greg scowled at his reflection, twisting around and raising a hand to one shoulder. It was obvious that he didn't like what he saw; Nick wished that he could simply forget about the scars, at least for a while, and realize that they didn't affect the quality of his life now.

"Greg," Nick murmured, moving into the room to stand beside his boyfriend. "What are you doing?" Even though he was sure that he knew what motivated Greg to be twisting and turning in front of the mirror, he wanted to hear it from Greg's own lips.

Greg turned to him, his shoulders drooping, his gaze not meeting Nick's. "Nicky, I want to have laser surgery to rid of those scars," he said, his voice so soft that it was barely above a whisper. "I hate them. I hate feeling them on my body. I want them gone."

Nick nodded, sliding his arms around Greg's slender waist and pulling him close. "I know, baby. I know they bug you. And we can get that surgery done, if you're sure you want it. But, Greg, they're not really that big a deal. They don't affect how you look."

"I know they don't," Greg told him, resting his forehead on Nick's shoulder with a sigh. "But I know they're there. They're like this silent reminder of everything that happened. I'd just feel a lot better if they were gone. I wouldn't feel so .... broken."

"You're not broken, Greg," Nick told him, resting his cheek against the softness of his boyfriend's hair. "You haven't had an easy time of it, but things are better now, aren't they? I mean, we're together, and you haven't had to deal with Shane again."

"But he's still out there, Nicky." Greg raised his head to stare at Nick, his dark eyes huge in his pale face. "We don't know when he's going to turn up again. I can't stop thinking about that. And it's not just him. It's not just that I worry about him showing up."

"Then what is it, baby?" Nick whispered, wishing that he could take Greg into his arms and kiss all of his fears away, give him back the self-esteem that Shane had crushed and get back the happy-go-lucky Greg that he'd known when they had first met.

"I feel like everybody can see the scars, even though I know they can't, "Greg whispered, his voice shaky. "I-I feel like everybody in the lab feels sorry for me. I feel l-like one of the victims we deal with every day. And I don't want anybody to see me like that."

"Greg." Nick pulled back slightly, taking Greg's face between his hands and gazing into his eyes. "You're not a victim. Not in my eyes. Yeah, you've been through a lot of crap, but you're one of the strongest people I know. You got through it all on your own, and I'm proud of you."

Truer words had never been spoken, Nick told himself as he gazed at Greg. This young man might look fragile -- and he was, in some ways -- but he had a core of strength within him that not many people saw, and even fewer would recognize if they did.

He hated to see the man he loved like this -- like some broken barbie doll that hung from his hands limply, suffering from a wound that couldn't be fixed. He hated to think that Greg had been so thoroughly robbed of the effervescent spirit that had always seemed so unquenchable.

This wasn't going to go on, Nick told himself firmly. Greg might feel that he was broken now, but he wasn't going to let his boyfriend keep laboring under that delusion. He would find some way to prove to Greg that he hadn't been broken -- and never could be.

He didn't know how he'd manage to do that -- but he would. He couldn't let Greg keep on like this; if he did, then Shane would have won. They might have been the victors in the smaller skirmishes, but Shane would have been able to claim the prize in the big picture.

That bastard had worked towards diminishing Greg's self-confidence for far too long; Nick wasn't going to let him keep doing that now that he was out of Greg's life. He wasn't going to let the specter of the past overshadow the future that he and Greg had together.

"I don't want you to think of yourself as broken, Greg," he said softly, gently stroking the soft pad of one thumb along Greg's cheekbone."You're not. Those scars are proof of how strong you are, of how much you've been through, and how brave you've been in the face of adversity."

Greg stared back at him, finally taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "I'll try to see it that way, Nicky," he whispered, raising his hands to close his fingers around Nick's wrists. "If that's really the way you see me, then I'll try my best to see myself like you do."

"Please do," Nick murmured, wrapping his arms around Greg and pulling the younger man close against him. "And we'll get that surgery done, if that's what you want, Greggo. I don't mind the scars, but if you want them gone, then they will be."

"I want them gone," Greg told him, more conviction in his tone now. "I'd just feel better if they weren't there, Nicky. They're a constant reminder of Shane, and the past. Once they're gone, I'll feel more like my old self again. Like that part of my life is completely over and done with."

Nick nodded, understanding exactly how Greg felt. If he was the one dealing with all of those issues, he'd want the constant physical reminder of them gone, too. But in some ways, the scars represented a battle that Greg had won, and Nick felt that he should be proud of them.

Still, it was Greg's decision, and he would respect that. And even though he agreed with his boyfriend's words, he wasn't so sure that Greg's past was completely behind them. Shane could still show up again at any time, to continue wreaking havoc in their lives.

He had to suppress a shudder at the thought; he didn't like to bring Shane to mind any more than Greg did. But Greg's ex was a problem that would have to be faced at some point. He just hoped that Greg would have the strength to stand up to his demons when that time came.

He would, Nick promised himself, holding Greg more closely against him and pressing a kiss against his boyfriend's cheek. Hopefully, by the time they had to face Shane again, Greg wouldn't feel broken any more -- and Nick would do whatever he could to help him along that path.

***