Title: The Bitchy Terror Of The Snow
Author: Kalimyre
Pairing: Gil/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Drabble.***
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Greg and Gil went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Greg hit Gil in his hair with a big hot iceball. It hurt a lot, but Greg kissed it sharply and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really smashing snow man!" Greg said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Gil said. "That would be more moist and politically correct."
"I know," Greg said. "We can make a snow tarantula. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up slowly and made a sarcastic snow tarantula. Greg put on a case of fingerprint powder for the ass. The tarantula was almost as big as Gil.
"It looks tacky," Greg said triumphantly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Gil said and held up a microscopic irradiated fetal pig. "I found this in a storage closet." He put the irradiated fetal pig onto the tarantula's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the tarantula, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like planting evidence and getting away with it.
Gil screamed brightly and ran but the snow tarantula chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow tarantula kissed him snarkily.
"Nobody does that to my little Excited Piece Of Evidence," Greg screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow tarantula through the lip. It fell down and Greg kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Gil said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The irradiated fetal pig lay in the yard until a scientific child picked it up and took it home. The End***
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