Title: Everything Must Change
Author: Missa
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: (Nick's POV) After Nick is rescued from being burried alive, he hopes things will return to normal. Soon he will learn that what had happened has changed everything, and he doesn't know if things will ever go back to the way they used to be.
Spoilers: Major Spoilers from Grave Danger... lol
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with CSI or the characters. Heck, I don't think I even own anything in this except for some very few small roles I've created.

***

When I opened my eyes to see I was in the enclosed space, it didn't quite strike me where I was. Confusion swarmed my mind, that is, until I found the tape recorder and played back the message. A scream escaped me, almost spontaneously. I didn't quite believe the situation was real, but I guess deep down inside I knew.

I'd always had nightmares where I would be buried alive. They were the nightmares that made me afraid to let myself sleep the next night. It's always been a fear of mine, and now... now the fear had become a reality.

The stage of screaming didn't last very long. I had begun to realize that no matter how much I screamed, it wasn't going to get myself out. No amount of fear-enriched bellowing would miraculously save me. Nothing I could do would save me. My fate rested in the hands of the rest of the team, and if they couldn't find me... I didn't want to think about it. They would find me.

How do you even know they are looking? Of course they are looking, they have to because it's their job. Also they are my friends, they are definitely looking.
I found myself battling between my logic, and my imagination excessively. It's pretty much how I spent my time. Debating my thoughts.

Well do they even know that you're missing? You haven't been here that long... maybe they don't know you're missing yet.
That one thought seemed to stick out in my mind. What if they didn't know that I was missing?

I had to keep my mind on the positive things... if there even was a positive thing.

My finger would often trace the outline of the gun that was in there with me. I knew that I could easily use it to put myself out of this misery. I wouldn't have to slowly suffocate to death. There were a few times would I would even pick the gun up and bring it closer to my head. Deep down inside I knew I'd never been able to turn a gun on myself. Not even if I was already starring death in the eye. I couldn't give up, I wasn't going to give up. As long as my heart was still beating, I was going to keep up hope. I was going to be a fighter.

When the ants came, I freaked out. Thinking back on it, I couldn't begin to express how terrifying it was. I'd always hated those little critters, and the fact that they were biting me didn't make me like them anymore. Then again, after the first dozen bites, the pain from each one started to diminish.

I was never happier to hear Catherine's voice telling me that they knew where I was and were coming to save me. A smile had made it's way across my face because I then knew that I would be all right. I then knew that whoever had done this to me, had failed in their attempt at killing me. I was going to be okay.

Now when people talk about what happened, I don't usually join in the discussion. They are always asking me how it felt to be inside there... but I don't want to talk about it. No amount of words in the world could begin to depict the fear I felt when I was inside.
But things have changed since that day. Everyone in the lab is acting so differently now. Almost like they are afraid that something else might happen to me. They won't admit it, but I know that they are scared something like this might happen again.

If you've ever had over-protective parents, then I guess you would understand how the situation was for me. That's what the rest of the lab seemed to act like. They all acted like a bunch of over-protective parents. No matter how hard I tried to explain that nothing was going to happen again, I could still see the fear in their eyes.

It makes me wonder. I guess I really meant something to them. I would have had to for them to be so protective of me now. But honestly, I just wish things would go back to the way they were.

It has seemed like forever since the incident, and I still haven't gotten to work on another case by myself. Maybe one day Catherine will grow over her fear of having something happen to me and assign me a case by herself.

Catherine isn't the only one that's acting differently around me-Warrick has definitely changed. I miss the days when the two of us would joke around, make bets on cases and just have fun while we worked. He's always cautious about everything he does around me. I think he blames himself for what happened, because he won the coin toss and I didn't.

Everyone has seemed to have a change in their personalities when they are around me. I guess this is just how people act when something like this happens.

I just want everything to be normal again... but I haven't got a clue what I should do...

***

"You look a little down, what's up?" one of the waitresses from a local coffee place asked me.

I had made it somewhat of a routine to head here for a cup of coffee after work. I knew I needed something that would take my mind off of all the changes I had to face everyday. I had made friends with one of the waitresses-Mélanie Argenaunt. Since I'd become somewhat of a regular there she could tell if I was upset.

"Nothing really. Tough day on the job, that's all," I replied. It wasn't a real lie, it really had been a tough day on the job, but I wasn't going to explain everything so I left it as that.

She raised her eyebrow. I could tell that she knew there was more to the story, but she didn't seem to force an answer out of me so we let the subject drop.

"Since you've had a rough day, why don't I tell you what happened to me. Maybe I can cheer you up a little," Mélanie began, setting down a cup of coffee in front of me, "So, I was having some company over to lunch, and I thought that I'd make my house look fancy, or at least half decent. You see, I'm kind of a slob. Anyway, I had spent all morning cleaning and whatnot and when my guests arrived I figured that it would turn out nicely. Well, let's just say I was very wrong about that one. My guests were quite formal people... and when I came to the table to serve the food with toilet paper sticking out of the back of pants, well... that story speaks for itself. And if that wasn't bad enough, I go to pass one of my guests the bowl of salad and serve them some... and what do you know... I trip over something that was on the floor and loose my grip on the bowl. Now, where do you think the salad landed? You guessed it, right on top of my guest's head."

I didn't really want to laugh, the story sounded quite embarrassing. So instead, I just took a sip of my coffee, doing whatever I could to hold in the chuckle that was begging to be let out.

"You're allowed to laugh you know," Mélanie told me, so I did what she said.

Mélanie saw that she had another customer so she left briefly, but it didn't really matter. I had a lot on my mind at the time and wasn't in much of a talking mood. I wanted desperately to figure out a way to convince the rest of the CSIs that what had happened wasn't any of their faults, and that it wasn't going to happen again. I wanted to let them know that everything was fine and that I just wanted them to go back to the way they used to be, but that's easier said than done. I understood why they felt the way they did, but it bugged me that it was affecting their old personalities. It never really occurred to me until now, but I really don't like change. I especially don't like it when it turns my closest friends into a bunch of people who I don't even know anymore. None of them act like the CSIs that I once knew. Everything and everyone is completely different now, and I didn't know if I'd ever get used to it.

When Mélanie returned, I claimed that I had a few things to do and I left. I wasn't lying, I really did have things to do. I would go talk with Grissom, surely if I explained everything that I had been thinking about lately, he would see that he had nothing to worry about. I knew if I could convince Grissom, then convincing the others would be a piece of cake.

I knew that Grissom would still be at the lab, so I hopped in my car and drove over, hoping to get to talk with him. When I walked into his office, he was a little surprised to see me, telling me that my shift had ended and that I could go home.

"Yeah, I know that... but there's something I wanted to talk with you about," I told him.

Grissom bit his lip, it was almost as if he acted like he was expecting bad news. None the less, he still nodded, signaling that he wanted to know what I was about to tell him. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to tell him, so I just decided to let the words flow and hope that I was making my point.

"Have you noticed that everyone is acting differently? Maybe I'm just imagining it, but it really feels like no one is who they used to be anymore. Maybe it's because of what happened to me, and maybe everyone is scared that something might happen again... I'm really not sure and maybe I'm the only one that notices this but..." I explained practically in one breath before I let myself trail off.

Grissom looked as if he was about to say something, but then for some reason he appeared to hold it back. I felt like an idiot coming to talk to him about it and turned to leave.

"No, Nick wait," he said before I got out of the office.

I turned around to give him a chance to speak.

"Nick..." Grissom paused for a moment, unsure of what he was going to say, "I know it was terrifying for you while you were in that box. Of course I'll never understand fully because it was you experiencing it and not me, but I'm sure it was equally terrifying for the rest of us. I've seen a lot of things in my lifetime, but having to watch helplessly as you struggled in that box is the worst thing yet. Knowing that we couldn't do anything really tore us apart, and people heal from that at different rates. Now that you're out, it's over for you. The fear is gone because you know that you are okay. As for the rest of us, the thoughts of 'What if' still linger in our minds. I'm sure that each of us blames ourselves for what happened."

I hadn't seen it that way, and Grissom made a lot of sense. Still, I wanted more than anything for them to be healed now. I wanted more than anything for things to be normal again.

"But I'm okay... if something had happened then I could see why everything would be so different. But I survived. You all saved me. I'm alive right now because of you guys. You saved my life. Doesn't that get rid of the guilt you all felt?" I asked.

Grissom knew that he wouldn't be able to explain it to me, and I sensed that there was nothing he could tell me to make me understand. Maybe if I had been in his shoes, maybe if Grissom had been the one in trouble and I had to be the one to watch helplessly, maybe then I would have understood. He told me that sooner or later, everyone would slowly return to normal, once they realized that it wasn't their fault. I wish that time was now.

After the discussion, I got back in my car and decided to head home. There was nothing else I wanted to do but sleep. Maybe I'd wake up and realize that everything was a dream. That I'd never been kidnapped, that I'd never been buried alive and things would just be the way they used to be.

I returned home, slept and woke up to the cruel reality that none of this was a dream.

***

...and people heal from that at different rates. Now that you're out, it's over for you. The fear is gone because you know that you are okay.

I pondered long and hard about what Grissom had told me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he was right. I just had to give them time, they would come around and be their old selves. Sure, I didn't understand why they were so afraid, but I guess I didn't need to, I guess I just had to trust Grissom. He said that sooner or later things would be normal, and I believed him.

I had the day off, and I was a little unsure of what I wanted to do. I'd thought about heading to the lab to see if anyone needed my help with anything, but I decided against that. If I was there, then I would have to face them in this fearful state they were in. I didn't want that, I wanted to think of them as they used to be.

Finally, I decided that I would just go for a drive. It was just my luck, as soon as I turned on the radio, it was playing the song I'd listened to before everything happened.

It was was Christmas in Las Vegas when the locals take the town, Theresa hit a streak and laid her waitress apron down, she was playing penny poker, over at the old gold spike, she tired of Texas hold em, so she switched to let it ride.

As I heard the words spill from the speaker, it filled me with an uneasy tension. Usually, I would love to sing along with this song, but now, I didn't even want to hear it. In one swift motion I reached over and turned the radio off. Grissom was wrong... this wasn't over for me.

I guess I never really realized that I was left in fear because of what happened. I was so busy wondering why everyone else had changed to see that I too felt the same fear I did. What if something like this happens again to me... or to someone else? I quickly pushed that thought out of my head.

When I went into work the next day, I found out that changes were in the works to have all of us working on the same shift. I also found out that Grissom had talked to everyone about what I had mentioned before.

They all began to apologize for being over-protective, so I smiled and told them that it was okay. I wasn't going to mention anything about the fear I still had, because I wanted them to be their old selves.

Warrick, and I were assigned to investigate a murder at one of the casinos on the strip. I hoped that in working on this case, I would get my mind off of everything. We arrived at the scene, and Warrick decided that he would question some of the witnesses, while I processed the evidence.

I got out my camera and started taking shots of the D. B., and the surrounding area. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted something small and shiny, so I walked over to see what it was. As I walked over, I slipped on my gloves so that I could pick up whatever the item was.

"This looks like a filling..." I said out loud to myself as I got a close up look at the tiny piece of metal.

I took a picture then, bagged it and returned to a standing position so I could see if there was anything else in the area. Over in the corner of the room I saw something white, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. Once I walked over and saw what it was, I gasped, dropping the camera. I starred down at the item on the ground-a white Styrofoam cup.

"A little jumpy today are we, Nick?" Warrick asked from behind me. I hadn't heard him walk over.

"Yeah, but it's okay... I'm fine," I laughed.

Warrick wasn't going to be so easily fooled.

"You're fine eh? It's not everyday that someone who is fine drops a camera at the sight of a Styrofoam cup..." Warrick trailed off, realizing why I had become so jumpy at the sight of the cup, "it's okay man... I can bag that for you."

I shook my head, claiming that I could do it myself, but Warrick ended up bagging it anyway.

"You're still shook up about what happened aren't you?" Warrick asked me.

I didn't want to tell him that I was, I wanted everyone to be normal again. If they knew that I was still scared from what happened, they would just become even more overprotective. I tried to tell him that it was nothing, but he wasn't believing a word I was saying.

"Nick, it's okay to be upset, or scared, or anything else. I can't even imagine how terrifying being in there had to be for you. I'm sorry that everyone is acting differently... but we all just need some time to heal, you know? Even you... we all just need some time to heal," Warrick explained.

I was shocked. Never have I heard him say anything like that. He was right, but it was still shocking to hear something like that come from him.

I nodded. I've always been the emotional type, so it was really hard to hold back the few tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of Warrick.

For a moment, none of us spoke, until Warrick finally broke the silence, "Come on man, we've got a crime scene to process."