Title: Crime and Punishment
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 7159
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes and other familiar faces along the way
Warnings: AU and fluffy...and a little bit of BDSM
Spoilers: For an epi that I cannot remember but it's so mild it's not really a spoiler!
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Unbeta-ed: All mistakes will be mine.

***

Gil was thinking aloud.  That was all; he hadn't considered that anyone was listening to him, to all intents and purpose the team had left the room even as he spoke.

"I like to keep my fantasies private."  Was all he said and he was thinking about the fantasies that he had...and that he actually played out...when he noticed that he wasn't alone; sitting diagonally opposite him was Sara and she was smiling that odd little twitchy smile that she smiled and it was aimed directly at him.  Shit.  He'd have to own up to this indiscretion and he would expect for it to be...punished.  Probably severely.  He relaxed at the very thought.

Some hours later he was naked and kneeling on the floor.  The wooden floor was hard on his knees.  The collar around his neck just a little too tight; not seriously tight but it was less than comfortable.  His hands were not tied but he kept them clasped behind his back and he wouldn't release them until allowed to do so.

His eyes were trained on the floor and he was focussing on a tiny piece of grit or sand that glistened as it was caught in the rays of the sun streaming through the window.

"So.  You asked for this meeting to make a confession.  I was busy but I altered my plans so you could confess and receive your punishment.  I am annoyed at having to change my plans so that will be added to your punishment.  Do you understand?"

"Of course I do."

"Look, you asked for this...don't get impatient with me."

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for it to sound as if I am impatient, forgive me; I am not and I am quite prepared to suffer the consequences of my actions."

"As long as you understand.  So confess."

"I made a remark in the conference room after you left the room and CSI Sidle was still there and I believe she immediately misconstrued what I said."

"Jesus Christ, Gil, what have you said now.  Honestly, for someone who professes to keep himself under strict control you are forever getting into a mess with her...what did you say?"

"I said, 'I like to keep my fantasies private', and she looked at me and I knew that she was thinking that she was my fantasy.  I am sorry for my transgression."

"Isn't it enough that she's been blatantly simpering after you week after week, month after month...for years, and instead of being honest with her you allow her to continue with her fantasies about you."

"I am sorry.  I know that I deserve punishment."

"You do.  Let me think about this.  Stay there."  Gil had no intention of moving; he knew that Nick was mad at him.

Nick went out of the room and into the kitchen and found a small bottle of beer in the fridge, took the top off, and took a long swig of the cold amber fluid.  He needed to think of a really good punishment for Gil.  He'd had enough of Sara and, more importantly, Gil's inability to speak to her about her ridiculous crush.  The man was gay, for God's sake.  And then it came to him... he took another long swig and put the beer bottle down and grinned.  Pay back.

***

He re-entered the room and sat down in front of Gil.  It didn't look as if he'd moved and Nick knew he wouldn't have; he actually enjoyed this Dom and sub bondage-like crap.

"I have a suitable punishment.  You must pay the price for your indiscretion.

"Yes, I know."  He sounded resigned and to Nick, almost happy, that he would be punished and Nick grinned some more.

"This is what you must do.  One; shave off your beard, I don't want you to have one anymore."

"Yes, Sir."

"Two; half a dozen lashes."  Nick cringed; he hated giving Gil lashes and was as gentle as he possibly could be with the short crop.

"Yes, Sir."  He couldn't believe the happiness in Gil's voice.  This shit was getting too much, too quickly.

"Three; you must tell Sara Sidle that you are gay and in a relationship...no need to mention me...just say you're with someone."  Nick spoke triumphantly.  To his surprise Gil looked up, shocked, and he spoke.

"Tell her?  But we agreed..."

"...excuse me interrupting but do you really want to continue with this Dom and sub routine?"

"Yes, yes, I do.  I need the discipline and the constraints."

"Then get your eyes to the ground and don't you dare look at me without permission again."

Gil was shocked, Nick could see that, it was probably the first time he'd ever spoken so severely to him but what the hell, Gil wanted this, not him.  Gil looked down again.

"Remain there for one hour and don't move and don't speak."

"Yes, Sir."

"I said, don't speak.  We'll make it a dozen lashes."  Gil nodded and Nick left him and returned to his beer.

It had only been about two months ago that Gil had broached the subject one night after they'd made love.  They'd been together for about a year, off and on...but mostly on.  Nick had been quite surprised that Gil was far more needy and compliant than he'd ever imagined but he'd got used to it and quite enjoyed being the driving force within the relationship.

But this was different.  Gil wanted to be controlled by Nick.  He said he wanted a set of rules he could adhere to...set parameters for their relationship.  When Nick had thought about it for a few days after Gil's request he thought he could do it, he didn't think Gil would be particularly badly behaved since he wanted to try it so much and was keen to be subservient. 

They had agreed on a set of rules which Gil assured Nick were quite relaxed but they still gave Nick some shocks.  He knew a bit about it...who didn't in their trade...but knowing and doing were two totally different animals.  Gil himself purchased the small whip, or crop, and fully expected to receive lashes with it, from Nick.  Nick was horrified but once again thought that Gil would be well behaved and since Gil had set the rules he knew exactly what was expected. 

But Nick was wrong.  Gil did make mistakes and Nick knew immediately that he hadn't cleared away dinner dishes, or made the bed because it was so obvious.  Such simple things...but Nick also knew that Gil hadn't forgotten his chores but had deliberately chosen not to do them to ensure he would be punished by Nick.  It made Nick feel very uneasy.

Gil had practically begged to be lashed just three days into their new routine.  Nick was reluctant and would have reneged on their deal, except that he had promised that they would try it out for three months and if one of them did not want to continue then it would be over with no recriminations...but he'd promised to stay the three month distance.  And Nick never broke his promises.

So the first time he'd hit Gil, Gil had been naked and leaning forward over a chair with his ass in the air.  Nick had aimed the crop and then closed his eyes as his made the first blow as gently as he possibly could.  It certainly wasn't a lash of the whip...more a gentle stroke.  What had astounded him was Gil's immediate state of arousal.  One hit had him hard and after the six lashes he was hard and almost dripping he was so sexually excited.  Great sex had followed.

The strangest thing for Nick was that after several weeks, he was pissed off.  He was bored with the strictures of the procedures.  He wanted to watch some sports on the TV or a film, or go out for a meal or to a show rather than listen to Gil recite his transgressions.  Maybe he should enforce a few more rules and make sure he did watch his shows or do what he wanted to do instead of pampering to theses ridiculous needs of his lover.

When their trial period was over that would be that; he was not going to keep this going.  He just hoped that Gil would honour his end of the agreement and that it wouldn't mean the end of them...as a couple.  Nor would he really want him to be a closet subordinate and get his kicks at place like The Domain...it was bad enough being closeted as a gay couple.  But then...if visits The Domain meant they could stay together then he supposed he could get used to it...eventually.

The time had been ticking away as Nick thought about this strange change in their relationship when he suddenly jumped and looked at his watch.  Gil had been kneeling, naked, for nearly forty minutes and Nick had had no intention of leaving him that long...

***

He ran upstairs to the spare bedroom, used as storage space really, with its bare wooden floor boards and no furniture to speak of except discarded coffee tables and a stool and a few boxes but in the centre of the room the newly acquired chair for Nick to use in his position as a Dominant.

He could see Gil shivering as soon as he came into view...he hadn't moved; his hands were still held, voluntarily, behind his back, his head bowed towards the floor.

"Gil, for God's sake, get up!"  Nick shouted as he ran up to him but Gil shook his head and didn't move.  "You're freezing; I didn't mean to leave you this long."  But once more Gil shook his head.  "Talk to me..."  Then Nick remembered what he should be saying. "You have served your punishment you have permission to talk."

Gil nodded this time.  "Thank you, Sir, for being lenient with me."

Nick rolled his eyes.  "Come on, get up and get dressed...that's an order."  He added as an afterthought.  Gil went to move his arms from where they were held and let out a sharp, 'ah'.

"What's wrong?  Tell me...that's an order."

"My shoulders...the muscles are sore from holding my arms behind my back."

"Gil, Gil."  Nick shook his head.  "Have you thought what your knees are going to be like when you try to stand?"

"Not until you said."

"This is my fault for leaving you."

"No, Nick, this is my fault for being unprepared."

"Idiot."  Nick muttered under his breath.  "Here."  He undid the collar and threw it aside and then massaged Gil's shoulders and they loosened, gradually, and he moved his arms down to his side.

"I heard you."

"You were meant to.  I think you'd be better if you turned around and sat on your ass and then I can help you up."

"Good idea."  But he groaned and grimaced as he did turn around onto his backside and then started rubbing his white knees quite vigorously to get the circulation going.  He was still shivering.

Nick didn't know what to say.  He shook his head and sighed at the sight and then decided to go and get Gil's bath robe.  He came back with it and found Gil trying to stand by himself, unsuccessfully.

"My knees have well and truly seized up."

"I bet.  Here...put on this to warm you up."  He helped Gil put the robe on.  "Okay, I'll stand in front of you and pull you up.  Like this."  He held onto each of Gil's wrists with his hands and Gil held his wrists. "After three.  One, two, three."  Gil was heavy and not only his knees but all his legs and hips seemed to be similarly out of action but with their combined effort of Nick's pulling and Gil's pushing, with his feet, they had him standing...if somewhat shakily. 

"I have pins and needles."  He shook one foot out and then the other...Nick still held onto him.

"Put your arm around my shoulder and we'll get you onto the bed."

"Thank you, Sir."  Gil smiled but saw Nick's look and amended it.  "Nick."

"We've got to have a serious talk about this, Gil.  You're fucking incapacitated."

"Just not used to the position, but with practise..."

"...I am not leaving you like that again."

"But Nick, I enjoyed it.  The freedom to think clearly about what I've done and how I've got to put things right."

"You were shivering and stuck..."

"I did get a bit cold...but that's easily remedied.  Please, Nick, you promised three months."

"I know and I won't break my promise."

"Thank you..."  He was going to say 'Sir' again but stopped himself. "...sweetheart."

Nick grinned, he knew exactly what Gil had done but he didn't seem able to stay mad at him for long.  He reckoned it was those blue eyes.  "How are you limbs feeling?  Come back from the dead?"

"I believe they have and a fifth one appears to have some to life of its own too."  He opened his robe and exposed his hard-on.

"Oh, Gil.  What am I going to do with you?"  He leaned forward and ran his hand through his curls and then he kissed him...

***

Nick awoke to the sound of Gil in the bathroom.  He was singing.  Not loudly and Nick listened to see if he could identify it...he couldn't; he rarely did.  He got out of bed and made his way into the bathroom.  Gil was shaving off his beard.

"Good morning, lover boy."  Nick slapped Gil's ass as he passed him on the way to the john.

"Good morning.  I hope I didn't wake you?"

"No, this did."  And he nodded to the stream of urine he was despatching to the sewers. "What were you singing?"

"Gilbert and Sullivan.  Pirates of Penzance."

"Right.  Yeah."  It was his own fault for buying Gil the complete works, re-mastered on DVD. For Christmas.  He now had to watch them regularly...but the tunes were catchy.  Nick suddenly thought that if he was the Dom in the relationship shouldn't he be able to forbid him to watch them and only allow Gil to watch what he wanted?  He grinned to himself.

"You just thought something?  What?"  Gil wanted to know.

"Oh, nothing."  Nick used a sing-song voice as he looked at Gil in the mirror as he washed his hands.

Gil laughed.  "Nick Stokes you are transparent."

"You mean I'm not devious and conniving like you?"

"I am not devious or conniving...I'm hurt."

"Get over it."  And Nick slapped his ass again as he left.

As usual they left separately for work.   Gil was nervous because he knew he had to tell Sara that he was gay.  He wasn't really nervous, per se, he was petrified.  He knew her well enough to know how unpredictable she was.  One day if she was in a good mood she would cope with anything without batting an eyelid and the next day dealing with an identical problem she could be explosive.  He wondered, not the first time, if she was borderline bi-polar.  Calm one minute; manic the next.  Or maybe it was bad PMT.  Perhaps he should keep a chart and see if it was cyclical.

It was Sara that interrupted his reverie.  "Clean shaven again?  Do you have any specific criteria for when you grow it and when you shave it off?"

He looked at her for a moment and was very tempted to say, 'I do what Nick tells me to do...'  But he said.  "Not really.  As and when the mood takes me, I suppose."  This did have the benefit of being the truth...except for today.  He knew that this was a good opportunity and that he shouldn't waste it.  "Sara, could I see you in my office for a moment?"

"Sure."  She followed his to his office.

"Close the door would you, please?"  She smiled as she closed the door and made her way to his desk and he knew very well that she liked nothing better than having him all to herself.  They stood, facing one another, on either side of his desk.

"Sara, I've been meaning to speak to you..." 

But his speech dried up, not a speech that he'd prepared because he hadn't, but his actual voice got stuck.  He attributed it to her smile aimed directly at him and the goose bumps he could feel, oddly, on the back of his legs.  He couldn't do it here...not at work.  If she threw a fit of some kind it would maybe jeopardise Nick and him.  So he took a decision and changed tack.

"I was wondering if we could have breakfast together tomorrow morning...after shift?"  That should do it...a crowded diner would surely cause her to careful about how she behaved.  He felt very pleased with himself.

"That would be...great...yes, great.  After shift."  And with her slightly blushing cheeks and a wide, but still twitching, smile, Gil Grissom knew he'd made a mistake; a terrible, terrible, mistake...

***

"Okay, yes.  I'll see you later then."  He needed to get in touch with Nick as soon as he possibly could...if not sooner.  Sara left and he took out his cell to text Nick when his phone rang.  He picked it up and then all hell let loose.  A gangland shooting with several fatalities, including innocent bystanders.

He had to divert staff doing non-urgent work out to the scene and his text to Nick fell by the wayside.

Nick was out with Greg at a burglary but as soon as they'd finished Greg took the evidence from that scene to the lab and Nick joined the rest of the team at the shooting.  Catherine saw him first and asked if he could help Sara out in a garden where a victim was killed.

He took his kit and found Sara.  "No problem; the big guns are here, now."  He joked, rather recklessly he thought, because sometimes she would bite your head off if she thought you were undermining or demeaning her.  But not today he guessed because she smiled happily.

"Thank goodness, I was at a loss as to what to do next...me being a girl and all that!"  She was in a good mood and he was immediately wary.  She was never that amused with his jokes.

But they worked the scene well together and soon were able to take the collected evidence back to her truck.  She was humming to herself and it was just too much for Nick.

"What's with the good mood?"

"Oh, nothing."  She grinned even more.

"If you're not going to tell me you should plead the fifth...because it's not, 'nothing'."  Nick retorted, laughing.

She looked around and then leaned forward.  "Keep it to yourself but I have a date with Grissom...after shift."

It's a good job Nick was grinning because he was able to keep it fixed on his face.  "You're joking?"  He managed with the grin almost still in place, but he thought it probably resembled a rictus grin on a dead body.

"No, I'm not, he asked me this morning."

"Right."  He had to think of something to say but all he could think of was, 'I'm going to kill Gil...'

"Don't sound so happy for me, will you?"  She was being sarcastic but nothing could hide her glee.

"I'm..."  He started but then couldn't think of anything to say.  "I'm just surprised, is all."  He managed.  But surprise didn't even begin to explain how he felt.

"Not as surprised as me.  It's taken him years...years.  Just goes to show doesn't it?  Persistence eventually pays off!"  At least it was the first time Nick had ever heard her admit to her obsession.

"I guess."

Luckily for Nick, Catherine called him at that moment.  He tried smiling at Sara and then went over to Catherine.  "Hey, Nicky, what's with Sara...she's positively glowing?"

"Believe me, Catherine; you do not want to know."

"Oh, but I do..."  But she spoke to herself because Nick had walked off and left her.

He was looking for Gil.  He couldn't see his truck anywhere, but that didn't mean much, he could have doubled up with someone.  He saw Wendy marking bullet holes in a wall and photographing them

"Hey, Wendy, they let you out."  He didn't feel like joking but he didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to himself.

"I know, I'm a lucky girl."  She seemed genuinely happy.

"Sure you are.  Have you seen Grissom?"

"He went back to PD with Jim, about half an hour ago.  They have a couple of suspects in custody."

"Good news.  Thanks Wendy."  He stood for a few moments wondering what to do. He couldn't just up and leave a scene...especially one this big.  Gil would have his cell turned off if he was interviewing.  He'd better find Catherine and see what she wanted him to do next...but first he'd send Gil a text.

'wtf is going on?'

***

Gil's cell wasn't turned off and seconds after Nick had pressed 'send' Gil was looking at the text.  He took a few deep breaths.  Nick knew something but he didn't know exactly what.  He pressed call.

Nick saw who his caller was and for moment thought he shouldn't answer it...he was furious at Gil and he was in the middle of a crowd of people...police officers...his colleagues, including Sara who wasn't that far away...the public...they were all milling around and he didn't know if he could contain himself but curiosity and anger got the better of him.

"What the fuck are you doing?"  He answered quietly but his fury was there to be heard.

"I don't know..."  Gil began.

"Don't you dare deny it...she said you're going out a date!  His voice, though quiet, was raised at least an octave on the word 'date'.

"Of course we're not.  We're going to breakfast so I can tell her..."

"...you fucking moron...she thinks it's a date...Jesus Christ...get out of..."  Just then he saw Catherine making her way towards him.  "...I've got to go.  Get out of it..."

Nick heard Gil speak two words before he ended the call.

"No, I'll..."

"Nicky, could you...are you okay, you don't look very well?"

"I'm okay.  Just a bit of a headache."

"I've got some Tylenol in my kit do you want a couple?"

"Yeah, I would.  Thanks, Catherine."  Now that he'd mentioned it his head was pounding.

His headache wore off as the shift progressed...they were all very busy and he didn't see or speak to Gil again while he was out in the field.  It was a couple of hours after the end of shift when they all started to make their way back to base.  Nick scowled at Sara, but she didn't see, because she was walking on air and he reckoned there could be a nuclear explosion and she would walk through it without noticing.  Gil was still at PD as far as he knew and he heard Sara asking a lab rat about his whereabouts but wasn't quite close enough to hear the reply.

He had work still to do; logging in his evidence took an over an hour and then he had to write up his preliminary report but he still didn't see or hear from Gil.  He felt sick to his stomach and a couple of times thought he was going to hurl...probably because he hadn't eaten.  He had a hot sweet coffee and felt a little better.

After two hours, Ecklie decide that everyone had done enough overtime and they were on top of the work so they should go home.  Nick had no idea where Sara was.  Or Gil...

He went home and sat out on the deck for an hour trying to calm down and decide what to do...he didn't know but he could guess that Gil had gone to breakfast with Sara.  He had to have done.  All Nick had heard on the phone was 'no, I'll'...and he took that to mean that he was going to meet her.   Meet her in an open place somewhere and tell her that it wasn't a date and he was gay.

Gil was either very brave or a complete and utter idiot.  And he didn't think he was brave...not where Sara was concerned or he'd have laid the ghost of her obsession years ago.  He drank a juice and ate a bowl of cereal...and then decided he'd take a shower.

He'd made no decision about what to do about Gil...whether or not he would leave him. That did seem a bit drastic even in his anger.  But Gil must surely realise what he'd done to them as a couple.  Undermined their relationship.  But even as he thought that he knew that Gil just wouldn't see it that way.

He sighed and left his glass and bowl on the deck table and went up to their room.  He got ready for a shower and then washed thoroughly until the water started to cool...it was just something to do while he waited.  He dried himself off and then shaved.  Staring at his image and wondering how come he loved the man so much.  He was...a...a Neanderthal when it came to dealing with emotions and he must be the dictionary definition of being socially inept.

So how come they had managed to be together?  How come it had worked out?  Nick didn't know; he didn't think that he'd had to work too hard at it...Gil did seem very easy to deal with on a one to one basis.  He was far more...subservient...in their private lives than he ever was at work.  And that wasn't in relation to the Dom and sub roles they were playing at the moment.  It had been the same from the beginning...

Nick had just walked out of the bathroom as Gil walked into their bedroom.  He looked seriously ashamed.

"I'm sorry.  I cannot tell you how sorry I am."

Nick didn't speak just looked at him...and then he noticed his clothes...

***

Nick sighed at the sight of his clothes.  "Tell me."

"We met at Danny's...she was there first and had a booth at the back.  I went over to her and she smiled...I sat down and launched straight into my speech.  I was just going to be quick and straightforward but she stopped me and, said, 'Shall we order breakfast?' and before I could speak she'd called the waitress over.  She ordered eggs and juice and I just ordered coffee."

Jesus, trust Gil to give him a blow by blow account but he didn't interrupt.

"Anyway she was trying to make small talk but I interrupted her and said I had something important to tell her...then the coffee and juice arrived.  I was getting a little agitated because it just wasn't flowing...I had intended to just go in and tell her and leave...but..."

He swallowed and then continued.  "I'd just started to speak again and the eggs...the fucking eggs arrived.  God, Nick, if it wasn't so terrible it would have been funny.  So...the drink and food were there and she was still trying to chat about inconsequential things so my plans went out the window and I just said. 'Sara, I'm gay. I love a man, I want you to stop this ridiculous notion that we could be together.  It's never going to happen.'"

Gil sighed and looked down at his shirt and pants.  "She threw everything on the table at me...leaning over the table to throw her juice, water, my coffee, my water and her eggs all over me.  She screamed that she was never going to speak to me again and she would make sure that everyone knew what a duplicitous asshole I was...  Then she walked out.  The waitress helped me clean up a little.  She said that I was better off without her with a temper like that.  So here I am...I think you called me a fucking moron.  It's perfectly true.  I am."

They stood looking at each other and then Nick smiled and then grinned and then started laughing.  Gil looked startled.  "I suppose you think I got what was coming to me?"

"I do and you did.  Come on, get out of those clothes...they need to be washed."

Nick really did think it was funny and wished he could have seen it but at the same time he wondered what, exactly, the fall-out was going to be like.  Not good; was his first thought and he reckoned that he was grossly underestimating.   But he did wonder if he'd ever be brave enough to ask Sara how her date with Grissom went.  And he laughed some more.

Gil showered quite quickly because the water was still only warm after Nick's long hot shower.  When he came out of the bathroom, Nick was watching the TV.  "I see they've charged two men with the murders."

"Yes.  Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you forgive me?"

"I guess.  You told her."

"I have only completed two elements of your punishment though.  I've shaved off my beard and I've told Sara that I'm gay..."

"...you want a dozen lashes?  After all you've been through?"  Nick was incredulous.

"I think it's fitting don't you.  You could increase the punishment if you think I deserve it for the disaster over Sara."

"No, a dozen lashes is what we agreed.  Okay, get ready."  As Gil had been speaking about the lashes and his punishment, Nick had thought of an idea.  It was worth a go...and he seriously hoped it wouldn't back fire...but he wouldn't know if he didn't try.

Gil stood over the chair holding the back of it and presenting his ass for Nick to mete out the punishment.  Nick had whipped Gil with the crop five times in all over the two months.  Five lashes each time and he had been very, very, careful.  He'd hardly used any force and there were hardly any specific marks, only pink skin, on Gil's ass afterwards...and a rock hard dick.

He picked up the crop and flexed it.  What if he used all his force and hurt Gil?  Would he still be so happy to be thrashed?  He was about to find out...although he wasn't absolutely certain he'd have the balls to carry it through...

***

Nick took a couple of deep breaths.  "Ready?"

"Yes, Sir."  We'll see about that, thought Nick.

He positioned himself to the left side of Gil and pulled the crop back, swallowed and then used all of his force as he made the first stroke.

Gil staggered a little into the chair his knees buckling slightly and emitted a startled. "Ow."

Even before Gil could pull himself straight Nick hit him again and then again in quick succession. Gil's knees had buckled and were leaning on the chair, his head had sunk down to his chest and he was groaning.  "Aghhh..."

Nick hit him once more...and with the momentum from that lash he did it again...but then threw the crop onto the floor; he had no stomach for this and regretted it already.

He looked at his handy work and could see the very prominent bright red weals on Gil's ass and as he looked closely where the weals had crossed over each other there was just the beginning of blood oozing.  Nick thought he was going to be sick and had to swallow hard to rid himself of the bile in his throat.  He then realised he could hear a noise; it was Gil, sobbing...

"Oh, my God.   Gil, Gil, I'm so sorry, here..."  He tried to prise Gil away from the chair but it was like his hands were glued to the back of the chair.   "...come on, let go, I've got you.  You need to get into the shower...get some cold water on your...  I'm so sorry."

He did notice that, unlike the other times, Gil's penis had shrunk, not grown.  In the back of his mind he hoped that his lesson had worked but it didn't make him feel any better.  He freed Gil's hands but Gil couldn't stand up straight so he pulled him away from the chair and held him, awkwardly, in his arms because Gil wasn't standing properly.  He put his arms around him and stroked his back and Gil laid his head on Nick's chest and sobbed; heart wrenching sobs.  

Nick's own tears started, they couldn't be stopped.  Whatever had possessed him to try and teach Gil a lesson?  He'd called Gil a fucking moron and he was no better himself.

"I'm so sorry, babe, so sorry.  I didn't mean to hurt you..."  He guided Gil to their bathroom and Gil let himself be led, still sobbing.  Nick reached into the shower cubicle and turned the water on and pushed the dial to cold.  "Step in, come on, I'll put the spray on your..."  He couldn't say, 'ass'.  Gil did as he was told and leaned on the tiles with his head resting on his folded arms, he was still weeping but not as badly as before.

Nick checked that the spray was cold and then directed it above the marks he'd made and let the water run down over the wounds.  He was still sniffing himself at the damage he'd caused to Gil.  But Gil calmed a little and spoke.

"That's good...taking the sting out.  Thank you."

"Thank you?"  Nick almost shouted.  "I did this to you!"

"No, you didn't..."

"I held the whip..."

"...only because I wanted you to.  You would never have done it otherwise would you?"  Nick was silent but crying again.  "Would you?"  Gil asked again.  Nick shook his head.

"I am a fool, Nick.  A complete fool.   Playing games.  With you...even with Sara.  I don't know how you will ever forgive me."  He cried.

"Forgive you?  Gil, I beat you.  I've hurt you.  I'm guilty of abusing you."  He was crying hard now but still making sure the cold water cascaded over Gil's backside.

"Nick.  No.  You only did this because I begged you to do this Dom, sub relationship.  You didn't want to do it and I had to beg you...remember Nick?  Beg you."

"I still shouldn't have hit you so hard.  I was punishing you for Sara..."

"...and I fucking deserved it.  I did.  I disrespected you and our relationship.  Do we still have a relationship?  Will you forgive me for being such an old fool?"

Nick nodded.  "Is it feeling better?"  He managed to ask.

"Yes."  Nick turned off the water and got a clean towel from a cupboard; he patted the area very gently.  "I think there's some Calamine lotion in the cabinet.  That should soothe it.  How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad.  There was blood...but I think that's stopped.  Oh, God, I'm sorry."

"Don't be.  Please.  I have learned a valuable lesson."

"A lesson?"

"Yes.  Don't force my half-baked ideas on you.  You've been right all along...about everything.  This ridiculous idea I had about us...  About Sara.  I don't deserve you...you put up with a lot of...crap, basically, from me."

"I do love you, babe."

"I know you do and I forced you to do these things.  It was very wrong of me..."

"...but you said you needed it...the discipline."

***

"Discipline?  I must have been out of my mind.  The glamorous idea of being subservient.  And look what happened when you did it properly...I caved.  It was so fucking painful that I will never ask you do it again, I can promise you.  Kneeling on the floor?  Nearly destroyed my knees and hips...and shoulders. 

"You know, don't you, that I am not the naturally dominant person in this relationship and it was perfectly okay until I had the fantasy that I could be better at it."

"But you seemed so happy...you wanted to do it."

"Yes, until you exercised the proper use of the crop and I thought my ass was on fire.  Never again."

"Can I burn the agreement?"

"Please do.  My ass may be hot enough to light the paper."  They both chuckled; Gil ruefully and Nick a little bashfully.

They were standing in the bathroom talking and Nick reached for some toilet paper and blew his nose and wiped his face.  Gil nodded for him to give him some paper too, and he blew his nose.  Nick flushed the toilet and Gil retrieved the lotion from the cabinet and looked at the label.

"It's not an antiseptic...but it should cool it down and soothe the pain.   Coming?"  He asked Nick.

Nick followed Gil to the bed and Gil lay down on his stomach and gave the bottle to Nick.  Nick spread the lotion all over Gil's ass.

"It's messy. Does it help?"

"Yes, it's really feeling a lot cooler and...better."

"Do you want some Tylenol?"

"I'm okay...I may need some when I go to work.  Will you get into bed with me, Nick?"

"Just need to wash my hands."  As he stood at the bathroom sink Nick surveyed his blotchy face in the mirror.  He'd hated doing it to Gil but it had worked.  A bit too well.  He never wanted to do anything like that ever again.  

He went back into the bedroom and Gil was still lying on his stomach.  Nick turned the lights out and lay down beside him, on his back.

"Gil?"

"Mmmm?"

"I did it on purpose."

"What?"

"The beating."

"Because I asked you to do it."

"And I deliberately hit you hard."

"I think, Nick, that that was what you were supposed to do..."

"...no, I thought if I really, really, beat you hard then it would hurt and you wouldn't want to carry on..."

"...well it worked."

"And I was angry.  Furious at what you'd done with Sara."

"I was stupid."  Gil thought for a moment or two.  "Look Nick, you did hurt me because I asked you to, but consider this...the times before, when you've given me the lash, you hardly touched me...it was arousing and I...I did like it.  But if you'd hit me like that the first time...and I think that's really what you were supposed to do...then I would have stopped it there and then.  Let's face it, Nick; I am no more a masochist that you're a sadist.  Shall we call it quits?"

"You're okay with that?"

"More than.  Excuse me for being middle aged and more than a little delusional."

"If you wanted...needed...that kind of stuff you could always go to The Domain."

"Never.  I promise you that I have learned my lesson and if I ever have any other hare-brained scheme...please remind me of this."

"Can I have that in writing?"

"Yes."

"Okay.  Man, I wish I'd seen Sara.  Did the coffee burn you?"

"No; she'd thrown her cold water and juice first then the coffee and almost immediately my cold water.  I have no idea how she's going to be at work tomorrow...even if she turns in."

"Gil, why don't we just tell them all the truth?  Get it out in the open."

***

Gil looked at Nick for a long time.  "Is that what you really want?"

"I think I do.  I'm pissed at having to be careful.  Who cares what Sara thinks and it will take the sting out of anything she might do...you don't know...woman scorned at all that."

"There is that.  We could end up on different shifts."

"I know.  But what about discrimination.  No one knows about us and it hasn't changed our working together.  If the worst comes to the worst I could leave..."

"...no, you couldn't, but I could.  I get enough offers of work; I could do freelance.  You really want to do this?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Let's do it...at shift tonight.  Will you excuse me from lovemaking...I've got a pain in my ass."

"Yeah.  Sorry."

"Don't be."

"Okay."

At shift that night Nick was in the briefing room before Gil and the atmosphere was turgid.  There seemed to be an almost visible fog around Sara that they could all practically touch.  Nick, Warrick and Greg were eyeing each other up over it and Catherine?  She was about to explode.

When Gil walked through the door Sara actually sneered and made a strange noise in her throat.  Gil ignored her and sat down in his usual spot, wincing slightly at the impact of his ass on the chair.

"Right.  Assignments; but before anything else I have an announcement to make."  He paused and took a deep breath before continuing; Nick had said, 'go for plain and simple, no fancy long-winded explanation or lecture'.  He'd been looking down but he looked up and tried a tentative smile at the team. "I'm probably pre-empting CSI Sidle.  I'm gay."  Just as he said it Sara jumped up from her chair and it clattered backwards; she stormed out of the room without a word or a backward glance.

Catherine quickly scanned her own mind for evidence.  Nothing specific she could think of, but there again, she wasn't in the least surprised.  "So Sara found out and that's why she's like a bear with a sore head?"

"Yes.  I told her to stop her...obsessing...over me.  Are you all okay?"

"I don't think I'm surprised, Gil.  I mean I didn't know but...whatever floats you boat."  Catherine shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm cool."  Warrick agreed.

"No problems."  Greg added his voice.  All three of them noticed that Nick had kept quiet.

"Thank you.  But there is a little more to the story than Sara knows..."  He took another deep breath and looked directly at Nick, letting himself relax.  "...the fact is...I've been living with Nick for over a year."

There was a stunned silence as heads swivelled from Gil to Nick and back again.  Catherine found her voice first.

"You old horn dog."  She exclaimed.  She turned to Nick and grinned.  "And you...you snuck in under the radar and stole him from Sara.  Good for you but I'd keep a low profile if I were you."  Nick nodded knowingly. 

"I think I knew, dude, at the back of my mind.  There was just something but I never could quite put my finger on it, man, way to go."

"I lived in fear of you guys finding out for years and suddenly, you know, it doesn't matter."

"We're cool, Nick.  Hey, you and Grissom!"  Greg grinned.  This was a good day for gossip.

But the information remained in that room.  No one spoke of it, (Greg never gossiped) and no one else got to know. If they suspected no one said.  

Sara eventually thawed, a little, but she was never quite the same.  All of them thought, separately, that she would leave.  But she didn't; nor did she ever say a word to anyone about it.  In truth no one even dared tell her about Nick and Gil.   

And Nick never did ask her how her date with Gil had panned out...

The End 

***