Title: Day By Day
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Las Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 52_challenge
Prompt: 46, One day at a time
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

"Is it ever going to get easier?" Greg asked with a soft sigh, pillowing his head on Gil's shoulder as the two of them lay on the couch. "I mean, it is easier in some ways, I guess. But I keep looking over my shoulder, and I don't want to do that."

"I honestly don't know, Greg," Gil told his boyfriend, a soft sigh of his own mirroring Greg's. He wished that he had something to offer Greg, some words of wisdom that he knew to be true, but the truth was, he didn't know if things would get easier.

He had never been through the kind of trauma that Greg had suffered, so he had no basis for comparison. And different people processed that sort of trauma in different ways; he and Greg both knew that. There was no one formula that fit every experience.

All he could tell his boyfriend were words that he'd already said over and over -- they would simply have to live their lives day by day, live in the moment, and be happy with what they had. They'd have to put the past firmly in the past, and move on.

Much easier for him to do than Greg, Gil told himself, wishing that wasn't so. He wasn't the one who had been through such a horrible experience; Greg was the one who had to recover, though he seemed to be doing a fairly good job of it.

Of course, he was nowhere near a complete recovery; Gil knew that it could very well be years before that happened, if ever. But he was trying his best to make peace with the past, though he still couldn't help being much more cautious and wary than he had been before.

If he had been through something like that, Gil knew that he would feel the same way; he'd probably have his senses attuned to every footfall, every little sound that was made anywhere in his vicinity. He knew that it had to be difficult for Greg not to be that sensitive.

But in his job, he couldn't be. He couldn't be focused on his work and also let himself be cognizant of all that went on around him; he had to learn how to tune some things in the background out. Greg was doing much better at that than Gil thought he himself could have.

"What are you thinking about?" Greg's voice broke into Gil's thoughts; he looked down with a smile as the younger man tilted his head back against his shoulder, raising his brows in question. "I didn't think asking you that would send you off into your own little world."

"I'm not in my own world," Gil protested with a soft laugh. "Actually, I was thinking about you, and how proud I am of how far you've come since everything happened. You may not be fully recovered yet, but you're on your way there, Greg."

Greg sighed again, turning over onto his side and burrowing more closely into Gil's embrace. "Not really. I just don't want to live my life in fear, you know? If I do, then I'm letting them win. That's part of what they wanted. They wanted me to be scared of them.

Privately, Gil thought that they'd achieved their objective -- Greg had never seemed so terrified as when he talked now and then about what he'd been through, usually when he awoke from a nightmare and the two of them were alone in bed.

But he was right -- he couldn't live his life in fear. That was what the bastards who'd kidnapped and raped him had wanted; they had been looking for someone to victimize, and someone who was involved with law enforcement had been a feather in their caps.

"You're right about that," he said, keeping his voice very soft. "You can't live your life in fear. I know that fear hasn't completely gone away yet, and maybe it never will. But I hope that day by day, it'll get smaller and less significant in your life."

"It already is," Greg told him, his own voice gaining strength as he spoke. "Mainly because of you. If I was still alone, then I'd probably still be jumping at shadows, and be afraid of everything. But being with you gives me a lot of strength, Gil."

"I'm glad that I can do that for you, sweetheart." And he was. He wanted to be Greg's strength, his rock. He thought that he was managing to do that, but there were times when he had his doubts, and wondered if he was giving Greg everything that he needed.

"If you hadn't been the one who found me ...." Greg's voice trailed off, and he shook his head. "That's not even worth going into. It was you who found me, when I didn't even expect you to be looking for me. That was kind of .... kismet, I guess. Destiny."

"I've believed that you were my destiny for a long time, Greg." Gil's voice was very soft, barely above a whisper. "I just didn't want to admit it. I'd made a lot of mistakes in the past, and believing that I could have a fulfilled life without you in it was one of them."

"Hey, everybody makes mistakes," Greg told him with a soft smile. "If I'd had any idea that you felt the same way about me when we worked together, I might have said something." He frowned, then shook his head. "Or maybe not, since you were my boss."

"That might not have worked out," Gil said with a wry smile. "But now ...." He bent his head to brush his lips across Greg's, grateful for the opportunity to do so. "But now, it's the future, and we're together. We're both taking our lives day by day."

"I don't need anything more than this," Greg whispered, his dark gaze riveted on Gil's face. "Just being with you makes me happier than I've ever been. Happier than I thought I could ever be. Everything else .... well, it's just something I've got to work through."

"And I'll be there by your side, working through your problems with you, "Gil promised, knowing that he meant every single word he was saying ."You'll never have to deal with your issues alone, Greg. I promise you that. I'll always be here for you."

"I know you will," Greg murmured, smiling at him. Gil was sure that he could feel his heart melting in his chest; one smile from Greg, and he was undone. That had never changed, not since they had first met. And it would never change. That smile would always snare his heart.

One day at a time. That was how they were moving forward, and he couldn't help but feel that they were making a go of it. Taking their lives day by day was the best thing they could do for themselves, and he was confident that doing so would serve them both well.

***