Title: Deception Is An Art
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Logan Echolls/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: Veronica Mars /CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Logan Echolls or Ryan Wolfe, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Logan Echolls sighed as he sat down on the damp sand, staring out at the waves rolling in to the beach. It was a scene that he'd taken in on a different beach for much of his life, and one that he'd never thought he would be seeing from this vantage point.

Miami hadn't been a place that he'd thought he would end up, but it was as good a place as any. As long as he wasn't at home, around all the people he'd known for so long, anywhere was fine. Anywhere that he didn't have to keep being who they expected him to be.

How long had he wanted to get away from the life he had at home? Forever, really, he told himself with a sigh. Ever since he'd hit his teens, and his dad had taken an interest in him as something more than just a little kid who was a financial burden.

Logan closed his eyes, pushing the memories away and slamming a mental door on them. He didn't want to think about his father. He didn't want to remember anything about Neptune, or the life he'd led there. It was the past; he was starting a new life, a new future.

He'd dropped out of college to come here, not telling anyone where he was going. After all the years of pretending to be someone he wasn't, he didn't need their expectations holding him back -- or making him slip back into the role he'd always felt that he had to play.

Why had he ever felt that he had to pretend to be straight? That had become increasingly hard to do, even if he hadn't found any particular guy who he wanted to be with. It was still living a lie, no matter how he looked at it, and he was tired of the deception.

He'd spent so much time deceiving the people around him, that he'd even started believing in what he pretended to be. But it had all been a mask; he'd tried to cover up not only the person he really was, but all that he'd had to deal with behind closed doors.

That had ended with his father's death, of course -- but the memories didn't go away. They were still there, still painful, still waiting to jump out at him with teeth and claws extended when he least expected them to, ready to rip him to pieces.

He had pretended that he could deal with all of those memories, that he was strong enough to absorb all the pain inflicted on him, both emotional and physical, and channel it into some part of himself that didn't feel. Some part of himself that was as immovable as stone.

But he hadn't been that strong, had he? Logan asked himself. He'd ended up running away -- and maybe that was the best thing he could have done. The memories might have followed him, but at least he didn't have to keep living the lie that he'd perpetuated for so many years.

He was gay. And despite what some people might think, it wasn't the sexual abuse that he'd had to endure at his father's hands that had "made" him that way. He'd always been attracted to his own sex, even though he'd spent years trying to deny that he was.

It was way past time that he accepted who he was, even if he was sure that the friends he'd had in high school and during his brief foray into the college life would never be able to do that. And here, he'd be able to start a new life that he could live on his own terms.

Miami had seemed like as good a place as any to start that life. It was far away from Neptune, and he felt more relaxed here, more comfortable in his own skin. Nobody knew him. Nobody knew who he'd been in high school; nobody knew about his father.

Of course, he had the Echolls money, and the name would obviously be known here. But nobody would have seen him with his father. Nobody would know about their strained relationship. They would just assume that he had wanted to get away from too many tragedies.

Yeah, there had been tragedies, Logan told himself, hugging his knees up to his chest as he watched the waves rolling in on the beach. But the death of his father hadn't been one of them .That had been more of a blessing. At least for him.

He'd promised himself that he wouldn't think too much about the past. He was going to put those thoughts out of his mind; they were part of Neptune, part of his old life. Everything that had happened there might have shaped who he was, but it wouldn't control his future.

This was the place where he could start over, where he could create a new life out of the ashes of the old one. No, not the ashes, Logan told himself firmly. That life was over and done with. He didn't want to build on it; he wanted to forget about it.

Some of the things he'd done and said in that life made him shudder -- like sleeping with some of the girls he'd been with. He'd given his body away too easily; but fortunately, he'd never given anybody his heart, even though he'd claimed that he had.

No, he was as free as a bird emotionally. And he wanted to stay that way -- at least for a while. He wasn't planning on meeting anyone or getting involved. He'd come here to Miami to start a new life, one that didn't involve getting his emotions entangled.

If he met somebody, that might change things. But for the moment, he just wanted to get his own head straightened out. Without benefit of a shrink, he told himself sternly. That was one thing he didn't need. It would be just one more person to depend on.

He didn't need to depend on anyone but himself. And he didn't want to. He didn't need anyone to take care of him, or to give him emotional support. He'd tried that before, and it had failed horribly. He wasn't going to put himself into another person's hands in that way again.

Besides, he'd found out the hard way that people who claimed to care usually didn't. The ones who had seemed to hold out a hand to him had a price for their support. They wanted him to change, to be who they thought he should be -- not who he really was.

He wasn't going to live like that again. He'd had too many years of deception, spent too much time trying to hide his true feelings under a mask that had never fit him. He'd never felt comfortable with that mask; it had always felt as if it could slip off at any second.

Logan heaved a sigh and stood up, heading slowly back towards the beach condo that he'd recently bought. It was a good thing he had his father's money behind him, he thought wryly, or he'd be living in a seedy hotel. Money could grease a lot of wheels.

Sooner or later, he'd probably have to get a job, just to have something to fill up his time. Thanks to some good investments that his father had made long ago, the money wasn't going to just run out, and he wasn't going to be irresponsible with his finances.

All in all, he could start a good life here, if he really wanted to. It might be a lonely life, but at least all of the deceptions that he'd had to cling to back in Neptune would be gone. He could breathe freely, and finally feel like he was his own person.

Could he really put those deceptions behind him? An annoying little voice piped up in the back of his mind, making Logan wince. Was he really going to do anything differently here? He might throw some of those deceptions aside, but he'd still be holding on to the biggest one.

He wasn't as self-sufficient as he'd like to pretend he was. He might not need anyone to take care of him or to care about him -- but deep inside, that was what he wanted. He'd never really had that in his life, and he'd always craved it, like a drug.

He would go on deceiving people in this new life, pretending that he was cold and aloof, pretending that he didn't need anyone to care. It had been easy enough to do before; he wouldn't have any problem keeping up that deception for as long as he needed to.

And if he did meet someone who could change that? Logan shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, not wanting to think about that possibility. With his luck, chances were he'd manage to stumble into someone who was just like his father.

The thought made him shudder again. He didn't want anything to remind him of the monster that had been his parent, someone who he should have been able to look up to. There had been no love lost between them, and, truth be told, he'd been glad to find out that his father was gone.

There would be no more nights of lying in bed unable to sleep, wondering if this would be yet another night when his father would sneak into his room with the darkest of intentions. That part of his life was behind him forever; he'd never have to think about it again.

His father couldn't hurt him any more. And pretending that he was all right in spite of the beatings and all the other things that had gone on in what, for him, had become a house of horrors was something that he'd never have to do again. That deception, at least, was at an end.

As he trudged up the beach towards his condo to start unpacking, Logan glanced behind him at the waves rolling in to the beach. Everything here seemed to be peaceful, on an even keel. And maybe, if he was lucky, he wouldn't have to keep practicing the deception that he'd turned into such a fine art.

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