Title: Drabbles #012, 024, 040, 075
Author: ezra_t
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: (In Order) 012. Ryan-Eric
024. Eric+Ryan, EricNatalia
040. Eric-Ryan
075. Ryan-Eric
Rating: R
Warning: Character Death. Cheating Spouses. Angst.
Summary: 012. And Ryan screamed for all that he was worth.
024. He could forgive Delko of almost anything. Even the lies.
040. If they had met under different circumstances would the feelings still be the same?
075. And he tapped it back together. Because really, what else could you do with a shattered heart?
Disclaimer: I do own the circumstances. I don't own the people.

***


012. Scream

He wanted to scream and shout.
He wanted to raise his hands above his head and just let it all loose.
'Why?'
He wanted to cry.
'Why now?'
He wanted to ask.
'Why him?'
But he couldn't.
He had to be strong.
Strong for sobbing Calleigh.
Strong for silently crying Alexx.
And strong for the stoned faced but obviously grieving Horatio.
He had to be strong.
But God Almighty must have seen that he just wanted to fall upon his knees and sob like a child.
Sighing he rubbed his haggard face.
And when he looked up he saw a sight that made his heart beat faster.
He walked to the obviously regretful doctor and he knew.
He knew that he had not made it.
Eric Delko was dead.
The man he loved was dead.
And then he did scream
He screamed until his voice was horse.
He cried until he had not tears left.
He did not care that his knees were bruised, or that his skin was ripped raw.
He did not care.
He could no longer be strong.
And he screamed some more, not caring for the blood that pooled in his mouth.
And when the world went dark he continued to scream.
He screamed in silence.

---


024. Lies

He ignored the knowing looks of the people around him.
The whispers behind his back.
He knew he was being foolish, allowing himself to be hurt over and over again.
But what the people didn't realize was that he and Eric had come to an understanding.
As long as no one was there to contradict his lies then Ryan wouldn't care.
As long as he could pretend that Eric had a good reason for not being home in bed with him, then he wouldn't cry as much.
Yell as much.
Hurt as much.
As long as he could pretend that he didn't see the lingering touches.
The secret smiles.
Or smell the sex or her perfume then he could forgive Eric's lies.
He could remain blissfully oblivious.
And immune.
Immune to Eric Delko's lies.

---


040. Strangers

Some times he wonders if things would have turned out differently if the circumstances had been better.
If he and Ryan had just been two strangers who bumped into each other on the street.
Would Ryan have dropped something?
Would he have helped him to pick it up?
Would their hands have touched?
Would Ryan blush?
Would he smirk and would Ryan be shy?
If they had been strangers would they have had a chance?
Would they have exchanged numbers?
Promising to call one another?
Set up a date?
Kissed?
Held hands?
Loved one another?
If the circumstances had been different would they have been happier?
If Tim were alive would he have ever me Ryan at all?
He couldn't help but wonder to himself as he watched Ryan once again through the glass walls.
If they had been strangers would they still have skirted around one another as they did now?

---


075. Shattered

He picked the shatterd pieces of the broken glass from the floor.
Walked them to sink not caring that they cut his hands to shreds and not even blinking as his blood stained his crisp white carpet.
He gently set the broken pieces under the faucet and washed them till they were as clean as they would get.
He glued it back together again and once he was done he stood back to admire his masterpiece.
It was broken and dirty and ugly.
Forever changed from the beautiful piece it had once been.
It would never sparkle as it once had.
Reflect the bright light as it had done so many times before.
It was sharp where it should be smooth and fogged where it should be clear.
He smiled, picking it up and cradling it close to the gaping bloody hole in his chest.
And handed it to Eric once more with a shy smile upon his face.
And waited for it be dropped and shattered by Eric once again.
'But it would be okay', he thought to himself.
After all he did have the glue in his pocket and the gauze ready for his hands.

***