Title: Drabbles # 007, 078, 083, 084, 088, 091
Author: ezra_t
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: Ryan/Eric & a hint of RyanOMC
Rating: PG13 to R
Warning: Cheating spouses, hint of rape and character death.
Summary: 007. His one true love was his lovers laughter.
078. Secrets can eat at you.
083. He's sacraficed so much and has lost himself in the process.
084. He dosen't know why this rejection hurt so much.
088. And when his tears dried up he realized he could shed no more.
091. He always knew that he and his lover would not last forever.
Disclaimer: I don't own (even though I wish I did).

***

007. Laughter

He loved Ryan's laughter.
And who couldn't when he had so many different kinds.
Like the soft bashful laughter. The kind that was accompanied by the subtle tilt of Ryan's head so he could look at Eric through his lashes.
Or the nervous chuckle that usually went hand in hand with Ryan pulling at his collar and showing just a bit of his soft pale chest.
Then there was Eric's favorite.
The loud joyful laughter. The kind that made Ryan squint his eyes and bend over to catch his breath.
Yes, he loved Ryan's laughter and he felt blessed to be able to hear it.

---


078. Secrets

He didn't want to keep such a big secret from his lover.
But really, what was he to say?
It's not like he could just blurt it out.
He had far too much to lose if he did, and call him selfish but he didn't want his lover to think any less of him.
He wanted to tell him.
Really he did.
But some secrets are best kept as such.
Because really, who lets their lovers best-friend rape them?

---


083. Sacrifice

He had sacrificed so much when he had finally decided to move here to Miami.
He had given up his sisters respect.
His mothers trust.
His fathers love.
And when he had first met Eric Delko he had thought for the first time that maybe it all would all be worth it.
He didn't realize it at the time that in order to be with Eric he would have to sacrifice so much more.
Like his pride.
His self worth.
His beliefs.
But in the end when Eric had finally said "I love you" he knew that it had all been worth it.
That is, until he caught Eric cheating on him with Calleigh.
He would have been more forgiving of Eric if he would have just cheated on him with Natalia, at least then he would have known that it really had not meant anything.
But for Eric to cheat on him with Calleigh cut deep.
Too deep for words, because he knew that before he had come Eric had felt strongly for her.
And maybe he was just a fool to believe that he could be all the Eric had needed.
All that Eric could ever want.
And when he was finally leaving Miami for Vegas it really hit him just how much he had sacrificed over the years.
He had sacrificed bits of pieces of himself for so long that he no longer even knew who he was.
Who he would be when he finally got to Vegas.

---


084. Rejection

He stood there stiff a smile frozen on his face.
He was tense as he walked away and ignored the laughter that followed him down the hall.
And really what had he been thinking?
Asking Delko out like that?
Not that he was asking for a date specifically after all he had only asked if he had wanted to go out for beers.
But Delko had made it seem like so much more than that.
With a snide smile upon his full lips he fained surprise raising his voice,

"What is this?
Wolfe asking me out?"

Ryan had tried to deny it.
Tried to keep his face from flaming though he knew the fight was futile.
Eric kept on, a satisfied gleam in his eye once he realized he had an audience.

"Well I'm sorry Wolfe but I just don't swing that way you catch my drift?
I love the ladies after all.
But I'm sure my sister has a friend that would just love to go out for "drinks".
That is what your type is calling it now-a-days right?"

And as he went on and on like that Ryan grew more and more tense until he could take no more.
Which led him to where he was right now.
In a deserted bathroom stall and crying silently.

What was wrong with him?
All he wanted was to go out for beers.
Try and be friends and yeah he had hoped for more but he had been willing to be patient.
He had planned to let Eric get to know him and hopefully realize that Ryan wasn't the cocky show-off that he believed him to be.
He didn't need to embarrass Ryan so bad like he had just done.

But it was okay.
Ryan's eyes were finally opened and he now got the hint.
He wasn't wanted.
Wasn't liked.
And yeah, he realized that this rejection shouldn't have hurt so bad since it was one in a long line of many.
The thought didn't stop him from feeling the pain though.

---


088. Tears

His tears had never tasted so bitter the they did in that moment.
How could he have been so stupid?
So blind?
He cried all the harder.
Deep shuddering sobs.
How could he have just let him go?
Walk away from everything that they had built together?
After all the years they put into making this work he just let him walk away.
Didn't even try and call him back.
He was a fool and he didn't deserve the love if he wasn't really trying to fight for it.
But god he had fought for so long.
Gotten hurt so damn much and now he was just so damn tired.
And when he finally calmed down, his breath finally slowing, he touched his face and realized it was dry.
He had no more tears left.
And he had no more fight.

---


091. Death

He had expected this for a long time.
He knew that this couldn't go on forever.
They just had too much staked against them.
Homophobic cops.
Angry superiors.
Weary coworkers.
He knew eventually that something would tear them away from one another.
His lovers wandering eye.
His OCD.
They had far too many differences and the only real thing that they shared in common was their love for the work place.

He always knew that it would end.
That one day his lover would just up and leave him.
Or he would just give up on them.
But when ever he predicted these different reasons for breaking up there was always one difference from the reality.
He always pictured them both alive.
He would have never guessed that one of them would be dead.
That the thing to finally take his lover away from him would be death.
But then again, he always knew that his lover would leave him.
And really, death was just the easier way of doing it.

***