Title: Drowning
By: flipflopadd1ct
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Prompt: 51 Water
Word Count: 562
Rating: R
Warnings: Character death, touches on suicide, spoilers for Grave Danger.
Summary: When you go under, you can let yourself drown or fight to stay alive. AU angst with a twist.

***

His hand was turning the faucet, but he didn't know he was doing it. He unbuttoned his shirt and pushed jeans and boxers to the floor, but he didn't realize that he was moving. For the past few hours, life seemed to pass him by while he was left numb and confused, seeing everything through hazy eyes.

The first touch of hot water was a shock that jolted him out of his daze. Greg hadn't slept in days, the shower a rush of relief. But as his system awoke and he began to think clearly, he remembered what had happened mere hours ago.

Nick was dead. Gone. He had been pulled out of the ground two days ago, but his allergic reaction to the ant bites took an unexpected, devastating turn for the worst. Nick faded in and out of consciousness until his body gave out. Greg had watched him die.

It seemed unreal, surreal even, as doctors rushed in frantically, trying to save him one more time but to no avail. Greg couldn't cry, couldn't scream, leaving the hospital without a word to anyone.

Now, though, tears started falling, mixing with the water streaming from the shower above. Each drop brought back a memory - walks in the park at sunrise, romantic dinners and petty fights, having sex on every surface in Greg's apartment. Greg suddenly remembered the last time they had showered together. It was the day before the kidnapping.

He could feel Nick's hands sliding through his hair, the weight of Nick's cock in his hand or the pleasure from having Nick inside of him as if Nick was right there with him. Greg couldn't help but smile at the memories, but no matter how much of Nick he remembered it was nothing like the real man and thought threatened to destroy him. Greg suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He slipped out of the shower and leaned over the bowl, wanting something to come up, but dry heaves shook his body instead.

Greg stepped under the hot spray again, but it wasn't soothing. It felt like every drop was washing away another part of his soul. Dark thoughts clouded his mind like murky water, trying to pull him under, trying to spiral him into oblivion. Giving in to temptation, reaching that point of no return seemed so easy…

He looked down at his feet and noticed a tiny spider that was helpless against the current of the drain's whirlpool. It tried in vain to scuttle out of the way, literally fighting for its life. Greg was fascinated by the spider's movements, a temporary distraction from the storm raging in his mind. The spider didn't give up as it was pulled closer to certain doom, but suddenly, unexpectedly, it managed to break free. It quickly crawled up the wall, out of harm's way, and disappeared into a tiny crack in the tile. Greg was hit with a sudden revelation.

He thought he couldn't go on without Nick, but that's not the way Nick would want it to be. Just because the sky had suddenly fallen, it didn't mean Greg had to let it crush him. Drowning in despair would be letting his lover down. He wouldn't be pulled under.

Greg turned the shower off, feeling refreshed instead of depressed. He would live his life to the fullest - all for Nick.

***