Title: Finding Home
By: Valerie
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Characters: Horatio, House, Wilson, Foreman, Chase, Scotty Valens, Lilly Rush, Rick Stetler
Rating: FRAO
Series: Of masks and men, Part 7
Note: Sequal to Behind the Mask, Looking in a Mirror, Random Acts of Love, Merry Chirstmas, Road Trip
Spoilers: CSI Miami Season up to Season 5
Summary: Horatio left Miami, can he find a new life?
Beta: Janet, thanks so much!
Banner: Made by slyfuck thank you honey!
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they belong to various producers and companies. No money is made...
Note: This is the 7th part of the Mask and Men universe. It takes place after 'Road Trip'. All my previous stories are either on wwomb.
---
*Chapter 1 – Leaving home*
*Miami*
“Horatio, you can’t leave.” Horatio looked at Natalia tiredly. She still had the drive, he thought, she was still so full of passion and he admired her for it. She had been touched by grief and pain, and he knew that she had endured losses but unlike him, she had mourned them and moved on. Horatio though, had never been able to do either.
“Why not?” She looked at him as if he was insane, but he spoke as if he hadn’t seen the disbelieving look. “Tell me why I should stay. I have nothing left here. Speed is dead, Marisol is dead...”
He trailed off and looked away. Both deaths still festered in his soul. He had loved them both and yet they both had died before he had been able to really show how much they meant to him. “... Eric’s left and so has Calleigh. My team has broken apart, and no one even seems to care, so tell me, why should I stay?”
She had paled as he calmly listed the losses he had experienced over the past few years. Her hand trembled as she reached out for him, but before she could touch him, she withdrew again almost as if she understood that she had nothing to offer.
“Because the city needs you. Because Ryan and I and the lab need you. Because you still have a team here, a team that needs you.” Her voice wasn’t sure and he smiled sarcastically as he looked out of the window and over the city.
“The city... the lab... yeah, they need me.” Wasn’t it sad, he thought, when after over ten years of living in a place he was only needed by two abstract concepts? “You’re right; there is still a team, but what you need is a leader and I can’t be a leader anymore. I can’t build another team.”
If only he weren’t so tired, he thought. If only he were able to sleep through a night without waking in the middle of it screaming. Maybe then he would be strong enough to fight and mold Natalia, Ryan and all the newcomers into a team and once more build a family. But the thought alone made him feel like vomiting. He couldn’t replace the people he had lost; he couldn’t just change the team. They had been more than a team, they had been a family.
“Where will you go?” Natalia looked dejected and he felt bad for her, but he had his mind made up and nothing she could do or say would change his decision.
“I don’t know.”
She shook her head and he knew how weird the words sounded coming from him. He had always had plans for his life and maybe it was the one thing that really proved to her how exhausted he was.
“You don’t know.” Natalia repeated the sentence as if she couldn’t believe him and Horatio smiled.
“No”
---
“Are you sure that this is the right decision?” Horatio had answered the question so many times, he was sick of hearing it. It was different with Alexx though, she didn’t ask out of curiosity or some morbid fascination. She asked because she cared and worried about him. She asked because she knew.
“It won’t bring them back.” They sat on the beach and Horatio sighed at the softly spoken words. Alexx wasn’t just speaking about Speed and Marisol; she also spoke of Eric and Calleigh.
“I know.”
Her hand squeezed his and he felt her eyes on him. “Sugar, why do you always take all the blame on your shoulders?”
He wanted to run away from the memories, but he couldn’t even avert his eyes. The eternal question of ‘what if’ resurfaced once more and he cursed it. That question had kept him from finding peace ever since he had held Speed and watched the life flow from him.
“I still wonder if he would still be alive, had I told him the truth.” He trembled now and Alexx pulled him towards her.
“Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. He was with Eric back then, and it didn’t save him. You can’t turn back the clock Horatio.” She held him like a mother, but her voice was serious as she continued. “And you can’t run from your own questions.”
He knew that too, but he had no choice, he couldn’t stay here. “I have too many ghosts in Miami.”
Alexx nodded sadly and released him as he pulled away. Her eyes were calm, but sad and Horatio cursed himself for hurting her. “I am sorry.”
She smiled and shook her head. “Don’t be sugar, but don’t disappear completely. Let me know where you are and if you need anything.”
Alexx didn’t ask where he was going and Horatio thought, that it was very much like her not to ask. She knew anyway, he guessed, knew that right now Horatio himself had no idea where to go.
“I’ll keep in touch.” He smiled as she leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead like a mother. Once more they hugged and then she walked back to her car. Horatio watched her leave before he turned once more back to the sea. He watched the blue water, the waves and sighed.
He didn’t know who he was anymore.
The thought made him tense, but he pushed it aside and got up. He reached for his sunglasses and put them on as he turned towards the sun for the last time. He would miss this spot, his sanctuary and for a moment he stood there and allowed the sadness to grow and fill him. His eyes closed and he trembled. It hurt to leave and he had not expected that. His house was sold, his furniture in storage and his bags were packed. He was ready to leave, but he had to say goodbye to two people first.
Horatio drove to the graveyard and stood for a long time at the graves of Speed and Marisol before he finally turned away, got in his car and left the city that had been his home for so many years.
He had cut his ties and burned his bridges, now he had to find a new home.
---
*Princeton NJ, three months later*
Chase took a deep breath as he stepped out of the club. The cold air refreshed him and felt good after the air in the club which had been heavy with sweat and cologne. It was three am and he shook his head at the thought of how long it had been since he had gone out dancing. Working for House had pretty much killed his social life, not that he had had any to kill here in Princeton. A wry smile crossed Chase’s face as he thought of Sydney. Sometimes he missed home and as he looked around he smiled again. It figured, he thought, that the clubs he liked tended to be in the darkest corners of all cities.
Well, except for Sydney and New York of course.
“Hey, look what we found. A lost fairy... What’s up, not in the mood for clubbing?”
Chase groaned inwardly, but walked on as if he hadn’t noticed the guy. It was only as he passed him that he noticed the three others and he knew that he had just walked into a trap. The four guys immediately surrounded him and one sneered as he looked at Chase’s outfit.
“Look here, a fag!”
Before he could stop himself, Chase turned around and frowned back. “Oh look, bigots...”
In any other situation he would have laughed at their faces, but right now he cursed himself. Serves you right for spending so much time with House, he thought darkly. House was obviously rubbing off on him and of course it had to manifest at the worst possible moment. The four men came closer and Chase tensed as he noticed that one held a large baseball bat in his hand.
“I’m gonna stick this up your ass, faggot!” Dread filled Chase at the laughter and as if that comment hadn’t served as enough of a warning, the next comment made him tense up completely. “Gonna teach you a lesson real good, cause no one’s gonna hear you scream here.”
Chase ran and his sudden start gave him the smallest advantage possible, still he could hear them come closer as his lungs started to scream for air. He wasn’t in shape anymore, going to the gym was among those things he had stopped doing since he had started to work for House.
“Got you!” He felt a hand at his ankle and he fell down with a scream. They were on him like vultures and soon enough his cries for help turned into whimpers as he was kicked and beaten.
“I think he’s ready.”
No! Everything in Chase froze at the words and the accompanying leer. He tried to fight back, but a fist in his stomach made him slump back once more.
“Come on, let’s get this party started.”
Chase saw how one of them leaned down and tore at his pants and he struggled against the hands that held him down, when the dark alley was suddenly flooded with bright light and a cold voice made them all freeze. “Step back, gentlemen and raise your hands.”
His attackers were silent for a moment, but before they could do anything, the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked echoed through the alley. Chase watched stunned as one after the other, the four men turned around and raised their hands. The light was blinding him and he couldn’t see more than the shape of a man; still Chase felt as if he was seeing an angel.
“Now stand against the wall, arms up, legs spread.” A roll of tape was thrown at Chase and he looked at it confused as the man spoke again. “Can you get up?”
He tried and moaned at the pain that raced through his body. For a moment he closed his eyes and fought the dizziness and the pain as he stood up slowly.
“Tie their hands behind their backs.”
Chase trembled as he walked towards his attackers. Some part of his brain kept telling him that this was all a dream, while another part told him to run and hide. His hands shook as he bound the hands of the first guy and the doctor in him understood that he was about to go into shock. Suddenly angry at his weakness, he pressed against one of his bruises and the pain woke him enough to finish tying up the last guy. The glaring light that had blinded him disappeared and he heard the click as the weapon was secured. Chase had no idea whether he was safe or not, but he didn’t care anymore as he crumpled on the ground or would have, had not two strong arms caught him. He struggled immediately only to be held more gently while a soft voice tried to calm him down.
“Shh... Help is on the way. Stay with me ok? Talk to me, what’s your name?” Chase heard the question and tried to answer but it seemed too much of an effort. He couldn’t feel the pain anymore and he smiled almost dreamily.
“Robert.”
Strong hands gripped him and bore him back and he groaned at the pain that once again shot through his body.
“Ok Robert, you have to stay awake, stay with me. Robert, please stay with me...” His savior’s voice was urgent and Chase found that he wanted to do what the man asked of him, but the numbness was too tempting and as the darkness of unconsciousness beckoned, he gave into it.
---
Horatio cursed as Robert slipped into unconsciousness. Where the hell were the paramedics? He looked at the blond hair that was now matted with blood, at the battered and bruised body and a shiver ran through him. The sight woke memories in him, memories of another young man whose bleeding body he had held, another one he had asked to stay with him, but Speed hadn’t listened and Horatio had lost him. Taking a deep breath, Horatio forced the memories down and felt for Robert’s pulse. It was weak but steady and as if they had waited for a cue, the sound of the emergency vehicle came closer and relief spread through him as he saw the paramedics ran towards him.
“Young white male, beaten and kicked, probable use of a baseball bat. He could walk, so no broken bones, but he had trouble breathing...”
The paramedics nodded and Horatio stepped aside to let them work on Robert when a voice behind him made him turn around. “Lieutenant Caine?”
Horatio tensed. It had been over three months since someone had called him that and he hesitated at turning around. He didn’t want to become Lieutenant Caine again, he liked being just Horatio, but his discipline was stronger than his wish and he turned around. The detective next to him was familiar and Horatio smiled involuntary.
“Detective Bernstein, what a surprise!” Bernstein nodded but became serious again as he pointed towards the four men. “Four against one? Real heroes aren’t they?”
Horatio’s voice was hard as he recounted what he had seen. Bernstein wrote his statement down when one of the paramedics approached them. Horatio saw the concern in the dark eyes and his heart ached for the young man he had saved.
“We’re taking him to PPTH.” The paramedic’s comment made Bernstein frown and Horatio held his breath as Bernstein shook his head.
“Why there?”
The paramedic smiled sadly. “According to the license in his wallet, he’s a doctor there.”
Horatio shook his head but stopped the woman before she returned to the car.
“What’s his name?” He could feel Bernstein look at him surprised, but the detective didn’t make a comment. The paramedic looked from the Horatio at Bernstein and at the latter’s nod he gave Horatio the answer. “Dr. Robert Chase.”
Horatio smiled and thanked her. They droved off and Bernstein looked at him silently. Horatio knew that a lot had to be going through his mind, but he didn’t volunteer any answers.
“What are you doing here, Lieutenant?”
Bernstein’s eyes were calm and friendly and with a sigh Horatio checked his watch. It was almost 5am. “What would you say to a coffee?”
Bernstein grinned and agreed. “I know a good diner close by; I’ll drive you back to your car afterwards.”
The ride was silent and Horatio wondered how much he should tell. He had never expected to meet someone from Miami up here, but somehow it fit. What was it that Mac always preached? We’re all connected. Horatio smiled and silently saluted the New Yorker for once more being right.
The diner was nice and almost empty. Horatio sat down and enjoyed the first gulp of the strong coffee with closed eyes. A light chuckle made him look up again and he saw Bernstein’s grin.
“Some things really don’t change, do they?” Horatio understood the sentence and he smiled at the intended double-meaning. For a moment he was silent, and then he started to speak slowly.
“You don’t have to call me Lieutenant anymore. I quit Miami PD three months ago...”
It was hard to explain why he had left, but to his surprise Bernstein just squeezed his hand gently. “I heard about your wife, I’m sorry.”
Marisol’s death still hurt, but Horatio was honest enough to know that his burn-out had started long before that day.
“Eric left for Las Vegas and Calleigh took a job with the LAPD lab. I just didn’t have the energy to build a new team.” Still Bernstein showed nothing but acceptance and it made it easier to continue. “I just needed to get away so I sold my house, took my car and started driving.”
Bernstein smiled and stared into his coffee. “It’s the dream of everyone isn’t it? Just pack and leave... How did you end up in Princeton?”
There had been a lot of longing in Bernstein’s voice and Horatio suddenly wondered how the cop himself had ended up here.
“I’m making my way up to New York, but somehow the closer I get the more I’m dragging my feet.” It sounded silly, considering that New York was little more than an hour’s drive away from Princeton and yet, here there were no memories. Here he was still free.
New York though was different. New York was the past just as Miami was and sometimes Horatio questioned whether or not it was a good idea to go to New York. Maybe he should go somewhere different, somewhere completely new. Thinking about Eric’s offer to come and stay with him in Las Vegas, Horatio mentally shook his head. Eric had left Miami behind and it wouldn’t be fair to bring his own ghosts to his friend. Eric had found a new life, and the last thing Horatio wanted was to remind him of what he’d lost in Miami.
“Horatio?” Bernstein’s voice pulled him back and he smiled sheepishly, but the cop shrugged it off. “Can I tempt you to stay here?”
For a moment Horatio was surprised, then slightly shocked and Bernstein laughed at his expression. “Not like that.”
Now he really blushed and Bernstein laughed again before he turned serious. “Trenton’s lab is extremely short staffed after half of the members had to be fired for manipulating evidence. We need good people.”
Horatio’s first reaction was to decline, but Bernstein held up a hand for silence before he could say anything. “Don’t say no right now. It wouldn’t be a full time job. You could come in as a contractor. That way you’d be free to go when you want. The pay is good and the crime rate is nowhere near Miami’s. We need someone like you here.”
He still wanted to run, but the thought of the memories that waited for him in New York made him pause. Horatio had always hoped that one day he would find a purpose again, and now as he looked into the friendly eyes of Detective Bernstein, he wondered whether he had just found it. There was only one thing; he had to be sure about.
“You know why I was in this area?” It was only half a question, but Bernstein nodded nevertheless. Horatio watched him carefully and as he didn’t pick up any bad vibes, he asked bluntly. “Is me being interested in men and women going to be an issue?”
Bernstein smiled, but this time it didn’t reach his eyes. “Not with me and as I said you’d be a contractor...”
Horatio understood what Bernstein didn’t say, but he hadn’t expected anything else. “Let me think about it, ok?”
They paid and there weren’t much said on the way to Horatio’s car. Bernstein smiled as he looked at the Hummer. “They let you keep it?”
Horatio grinned and nodded. He had bought the car and somehow it still felt more like home than any other place ever had.
---
Dr. Gregory House was dreaming. It was the same dream he had been having for the last two months and although he would deny it in the morning, he loved the dream.
“Jimmy…” A whispered moan filled the room as House trembled under the dream touches of his dream lover. Another moan escaped him and he tensed when the shrill sound of his phone tore him from paradise to reality.
“Who the fuck is this?” He wasn’t being deliberately rude for once, just grumpy and still the young female voice trembled as she spoke. “Dr. House, I am sorry, but Dr. Foreman and Dr. Cameron, they told me to tell you... no to call you...”
House groaned and was about to interrupt when Foreman’s voice filtered through. “Dr. House, it’s about Chase. He’s in the Emergency Room.”
Foreman’s words woke him like a bucket of water and he barked out questions as he reached for his bottle of water and another vicodin.
“The wombat is in Emergency? What happened, did Skippy run him over?” His leg protested heavily against the idea of moving and he pressed his lips together to suppress the moan of pain. No need for Foreman to know, was there?
“He’s been attacked and severely beaten. Potential kidney damage from the blows and he’s got a concussion...”
“But he’s going to survive, isn’t he?” He interrupted Foreman and heard the annoyed sigh on the other side of the phone.
“Yes, he is.”
“So why exactly are you calling me in the middle of the night?”
He heard Foreman swallow hard, before the younger man answered. “I thought you might want to know that one of your employees is in the hospital.”
“I’d have found out tomorrow, wouldn’t I? Now unless he’s dying I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hung up and grumpily lay back in his bed. Of course he couldn’t sleep anymore and cursing Foreman loudly he got up and sat in front of the TV. There was nothing decent on, but that’s what DVDs were for wasn’t it?
House grumbled silently as he pressed the play button on an old General Hospital episode and let the tacky acting accompany him into sleep.
The next morning he went to work at the normal time although he was tempted to sleep in just to make a point.
“Where’s Chase?” The young girl at reception stared at him as if he was speaking Chinese and shaking his head he repeated slowly, very slowly, “Dr. Robert Chase, apparently he was an emergency admit last night.”
As she still frowned, he put his hand down on the counter and looked at her. “I can draw you a picture though, I’m a terrible painter.”
She blushed and glared at him, but Cameron’s voice diverted House’s interest immediately. ”Dr. House, he’s over here.”
He followed her and listened as she repeated the various injuries that Chase had sustained. She was pale as they finally reached the observation room and her hands shook as she opened the door. House was tempted to comment on her good-little-frightened wife routine, but decided not to as he spotted a much more interesting victim. Foreman had not heard them come inside and so he was still leaning over Chase, holding his hand and talking softly to him while his other hand brushed stray hairs from Chase’s forehead.
“Now all we need is a new law and a priest and the two of you can get married.” Foreman jerked and House noted with interest that he was haggard and his dark eyes looked haunted. Walking over to Chase he looked at the bruised and battered face and then at the faces of the other two.
“He tried to shave?” Cameron pressed her lips together, probably to prevent a sarcastic comment, Foreman however didn’t even look at House and his eyes were fixed on Chase’s face.
“ER called me after the paramedics admitted him. They said that he was in a critical condition. I’m his emergency contact.” House looked at Chase and sighed before he reached for the chart. He frowned as he looked at the statistics and sighed, relieved only to hide the sigh with a snort.
“Well, it’s not a wedding certificate, but at least you got your name on an official document of his.” Foreman shook his head, but before he could answer House turned around and walked out. “Now if you can pull yourself away from your wombat, there’s work to do.”
---
Foreman shook his head and saw Cameron’s eyes on him. She looked as if she wasn’t sure whether she was amused or shocked and he groaned. “Come on, ask.”
She smiled and nodded towards Chase. “You’re together.”
Foreman grinned at her statement-slash-question, but he turned serious again and shook his head. “No. I like him. But until last night, I didn’t even know that he could be interested.”
He saw her frown and explained some of the things that he had found out about the attack by talking with one of the paramedics.
“He was attacked in a certain area. It’s near a gay club and some gay bars. I mean Chase’s open and liberal, but even if you are, you don’t go there as a straight guy.” He wanted to say more, but Cameron’s hand on his shoulder stopped him, her eyes were warm and held nothing of the usual competitiveness in them.
“It’s ok, Eric. I’m fine with it.”
For a moment their eyes held and they found some common ground and then Foreman sighed. “House won’t let this go.”
Cameron smiled cryptically. “He’ll needle and prod until he knows, but after that he’ll let it go. He can’t make comments about this; it could cost him his job.” She trailed off and Foreman saw that she wasn’t finished yet. He waited patiently until she shrugged. “And it would be too hypocritical even for House.”
Not understanding, he stared at her and she waved her hand helplessly. “Him and Wilson.”
Foreman knew that he was gaping, but the mental image of Dr. House and Dr. Wilson was actually quite appealing and with a groan he shook his head. He wouldn’t be able to work with Wilson tomorrow without wondering about who was on top and how he looked naked with House. He heard Cameron snicker and glared at her.
“You’re an open book right now; you better forget about those thoughts. Besides I don’t think that they’re together.” Frowning Foreman tilted his head and looked at her when she shrugged again. “I can’t explain it. It’s just House cares about Wilson like no one else. I mean did you see him after Voglar kicked Wilson out? He was ready to kill him. And Wilson... He came to me on the day of my date with House and it was so surreal, you know it was like he was scared that I would hurt House. It’s... It’s, how they look at each other, look after each other, you know? House doesn’t look at anyone like that....”
He was tempted to tease her, but her crush on House was still too close to be funny teasing material. Foreman looked at Chase once more and noted that his eyes were moving fast behind the lids. The hand in his twitched and he moaned lightly. Foreman reacted automatically as he leaned down and caressed Chase’s face.
“It’s ok. You’re safe.” Chase tensed for a moment from the medication and Foreman shivered as blue eyes suddenly fixed him. “Eric?”
Chase’s voice was blurred from the medication, but the use of his first name made Foreman smile. “Yeah, it’s me.”
Chase’s eyes flickered over to Cameron and back to Foreman and he nodded even as his eyes closed again. “Good.”
He was out again before he had even finished talking and Foreman’s hand grasped Chase’s hard for a moment. He sighed and released Chase before he got up. “Let’s go. House is going to kill us if we’re not there in five.”
---
*Chapter 2 – Meeting new faces*
Princeton, NJ
In the short time that it took to walk from the car to the hospital, James Wilson had already been updated on last night’s events. One of the doctors had told him about Chase’s injuries, while one of the nurses had made a nasty comment about House’s obvious lack of interest. He had been tempted to say something, but knowing that it was futile he had remained silent. He didn’t care, he had told himself.
‘Liar.’
The voice in his head sounded a lot like Greg and a wry grin crossed over his face. How appropriate to be called a liar by the one man who used anything from a lie to the truth to get what he wanted. Wilson knew House, had known him for over ten years and still he hadn’t learned to shield himself against House’s biting words. He sighed again and pushed the endless series of dreams and wishes in the corner of his mind he had just simply labeled ‘House’. He had a job to do and then he wanted to see how Chase was doing. House was pushed away from his thoughts as he put on his white coat and met with his staff to go through the changes in his patients’ conditions and other necessary briefings.
By the time noon came around, Wilson was exhausted. He loved his job, but he was only human and every so often the field he had chosen brought him to the breaking point. Oncology was one of the most interesting but also one of the hardest fields in medicine. He hated to tell parents that their child had only a few weeks left and he hated to see men break down after he had given them a terminal diagnosis on their wives. Cancer wasn’t something one could avoid by living healthily; it could happen to anyone and often the diagnosis came out of the blue.
“You weren’t in the cafeteria. I had to pay for my coffee.” The gruff words made him smile and he looked at Greg.
“I wasn’t feeling up to it.”
House sighed dramatically. “Oh poor baby, do you need me to cheer you up?”
Wilson’s heart constricted at the mocking words, but the fake smile came almost naturally. “Thanks, but no thanks.”
“Oh what a pity and there I was about to tell you what a wonderful dinner we could have together, but since you’re not interested...” House grinned and Wilson turned away to hide the hurt in his eyes. There were moments when he couldn’t take House’s sarcasm and comments, but when his friend didn’t continue speaking, Wilson looked up and he found blue eyes fixed on him. He had never seen House look at him like that and the moment stretched and the gaze became an almost tangible caress.
“Dr. House, Dr. Cuddy wants to see you about a new case.” Cameron stood in the open door looking from Wilson to House and Wilson shivered like someone had doused him with cold water. He still felt the shudders that had run through him and as he followed House and Cameron inside, he avoided looking at anything but at the path in front of him.
House and Cameron were talking about Chase and some part of Wilson hated House for being so calm, so collected when he, Wilson was still shaking from that one look on the terrace. He saw that House had stopped in front of Chase’s room and Wilson saw that a red haired man was sitting next to Chase’s bed. House watched the pair and grinned.
“Oh, oh, Foreman isn’t going to like that... Cameron, make sure that he doesn’t kill Chase’s sugar daddy in there, ok?”
She glared at House and narrowed her eyes as she snapped coldly. “Stop it, leave them alone.”
Confused Wilson watched her walk away and looked quizzically at House. His friend shrugged. “It seems like Foreman wants to shag the wombat and Cameron is taking offense at my comments.”
“How is he?” Wilson thought, that Chase looked terrible, but House shrugged carelessly. “He’ll be fine, nothing broken that can’t be fixed.”
House walked off and Wilson took a moment to calm down before he knocked at Chase’s door and entered. His mind was still occupied with House and that brief, sweet moment on the terrace when he saw the older man look up and was surprised at the intensity in the blue eyes.
---
Horatio looked up as the door opened and a young doctor walked inside. He recognized the dark haired, slender, tall man immediately and swallowed at the grief that the memory woke.
“He’s still out.” The doctor looked at him and smiled in a friendly way before he bent over Robert and carefully looked at the injuries. Horatio saw how he nodded once and noted something on the patient sheet before he addressed Horatio.
“Are you family?” Horatio shook his head and followed the doctor outside and over to a group of seats. “I saw him getting attacked yesterday and just wanted to be sure that he’s going to be ok. I’m Horatio Caine.”
Brown eyes assessed him and he smiled as the doctor smiled again. “Dr...”
“James Wilson, Head of Oncology, I know.” For a moment surprise and suspicion crossed through the expressive eyes and Horatio shrugged casually. “My wife had cancer and I researched the best treatments and doctors for her. Your name came up often.”
Wilson looked at him again and frowned lightly. “She wasn’t a patient of mine, was she? I know that I would remember you.”
The last sentence was both a compliment and an insult, but Horatio guessed that it wasn’t meant as either. Wilson seemed to be an honest and open man and he was surprised that he liked him instantly.
“She died before treatment could start.” Marisol’s death still hurt and the guilt of her senseless slaughter weighed heavily on him. Horatio knew that he only had to close his eyes to see her again bleeding in the ambulance and he knew too that her image would be replaced with Speed’s desperate last gasps. He shivered and a warm hand grasped his shoulder.
“Are you ok?” Wilson looked concerned and Horatio smiled tiredly. No reason to lie, Wilson was a doctor and had probably seen the signs of burn out. “Tired, exhausted... Too many memories, but I’m here because of Robert. How is he?”
Wilson gently steered him out of the room and for a moment they stood next to each other looking through the observation window. Horatio heard the deep sigh that escaped Wilson. “You found him, you stopped them.”
Wilson’s words weren’t a question, they were a statement and Horatio looked over to the room where Robert was and shivered as he remembered the last night. “I found him.”
Wilson looked at him closely and finally started to tell him about Robert’s condition. “He should wake up soon.”
Horatio nodded and repressed any memories of how it was to wake up in a hospital alone after an attack or a shooting. He had done it too many times and he remembered the fear only too well. The attack might have been over, but the trauma of it wasn’t.
“Can I stay with him?”
Surprise registered in Wilson’s eyes, but he nodded and as Horatio got up, he joined him. They stood in silence in front of Robert’s door when Wilson suddenly looked at him again. “What happened?”
Horatio sighed and turned his eyes away from Wilson’s knowing eyes and focused on Robert. He didn’t know if Robert was out or not, and he didn’t want to cause him even more problems.
“He was attacked by four guys, one had a baseball bat, and the other three used their hands and feet. I was passing by and saw them...” The image would haunt his dreams. Robert had been incredibly white as a sheet and the sound of his voice spoken of the terror he had felt. Horatio swallowed hard. “...I called the police and the paramedics and stopped them.”
Wilson was silent for a long time and as their eyes met, Horatio saw that Wilson had heard and understood what he had not said. He smiled almost embarrassed and turned towards the door when Wilson stopped him. “Thanks for not looking the other way.”
Horatio’s eyes followed Wilson as he walked down the hallway and he sighed lightly. Sometimes fate was a weird thing. He had looked James Wilson up, had even contacted him as he had searched for a cure for Marisol and then she had been killed. He had burned his research and now all these months later, he stood here in the middle of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital chatting with Wilson.
Once more he shook his head, but he smiled as he silently opened the door and walked back inside. Robert Chase was still sleeping and Horatio sat down quietly and watched the pale face. He had spoken the truth when he had said that Robert shouldn’t be alone. Horatio knew how frightening it was to wake up alone and he could only guess how terrifying the attack had been for Robert. The low beep of the heart monitor lulled him into a state of trance, but he was immediately alert as a moan indicated Robert’s slow fight back to awareness.
The eyes opened slowly and shut immediately again. Horatio felt the tension in the hand he held and spoke as softly as possible.
“It’s alright Robert. You’re at your hospital. You’re with friends. You’re safe.” Robert had tensed as Horatio had started to speak, but he slowly relaxed again until Horatio felt all tension leave the slender body. Robert opened his eyes again and looked at him.
“You’re the man who saved me.” The words held such gratitude that Horatio felt humbled but Robert didn’t break his gaze and he felt the press of Robert’s fingers against his. “Thank you.”
Once again, there was gratitude, but also wonder in the slightly raspy voice and Horatio reached for the water. He held the cup and helped Robert drink. The small movement seemed to exhaust him and Horatio wondered whether he should leave when Robert pressed his hand again. His blue eyes seemed huge and Horatio ached at the fear in them.
“Stay please?” He couldn’t say no and with a soft smile he nodded. “As long as you want me to.”
Robert smiled, but moaned at the pain the little movement caused. Horatio let the hand that still held his tight up to the button with the pain medication and Robert blushed.
“Some doctor I am, am I?” He pressed once and fell back, but his eyes opened again and fixed Horatio. “Who are you?”
He had waited for the question, but the honest interest in the blue eyes surprised him. “Horatio Caine.”
---
Fighting his way back to consciousness reminded Chase of swimming against the tide. It was exhausting and painful and he feared that he wouldn’t be strong enough. The pain alone almost made him give in, and the darkness was beckoning him when he felt that someone was holding his hand. Terror flooded him immediately as his memories returned and instinctively he began to struggle. He opened his eyes but closed them again as the bright light hurt him. He had seen enough to know where he was, but his brain was too numb to process the knowledge when a soft touch to his cheek made him tense again.
“It’s alright Robert. You’re at your hospital. You’re with friends. You’re safe.” He knew that voice and yet he didn’t. Chase tensed as he remembered and with a cry he opened his eyes and looked at the man who had spoken. “You’re the man who saved me.”
Chase looked at the stranger and was surprised. He was good looking, but a lot more slender and paler than Chase had expected him to be. He was in his mid-forties and in the bright light of the hospital room he looked almost fragile with his pale skin contrasting sharply against the red hair. He wondered how this man had managed to save him, but when their eyes met he knew. The stranger’s eyes were blue, deeper than House’s even and there was strength and a determination that Chase had seen only once in his life. Gratitude swamped him, relief and thankfulness that he had met this man and he squeezed that hand that still held his.
“Thank you.”
His voice was hoarse and it hurt to speak, but as if the redhead had read his thoughts, he reached for a glass and held it for him. Chase thought that he should be embarrassed at his weakness, but the man helped him so casually that it never felt weird. The water was cold and felt wonderful, still he was exhausted and pain shot through his body as he leaned back. The blue eyes were on him again and suddenly Chase was afraid that the man wanted to leave. He knew that he was safe, but his hand still clasped the calloused hand of his savior and with a whimper he pleaded with him.
“Stay please.” The man seemed torn, but then a tender smile crossed his face before he nodded. “As long as you want me to.”
A feeling of safety ran through Chase and he smiled only to moan at the pain. He still was dazed, felt numb as his hand was led up to the medication button and this time he was embarrassed.
“Some doctor I am, am I?” The other shrugged and his curiosity was suddenly awake. Chase looked at the man once again.
“Who are you?” The same tender smile ran over the haggard face as he answered. “Horatio Caine.”
Horatio... Chase smiled as he remembered English class and Shakespeare’s plays. “There’s more between Heaven and Earth...”
Horatio chuckled silently and nodded before he turned serious again. His eyes searched for Chase’s and Chase saw the support and understanding in them. “The police want to talk to you.”
The words made the memories return and Chase tensed even as he shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about the attack, didn’t want to think about what had happened, about what could have happened and he shivered. Horatio’s eyes were still on him and they were calm and reassuring, but Chase suddenly realized something else.
“Does everyone know?”
The consequences of the attack crashed over him and he closed his eyes in despair. Of course they knew, everyone knew. He could easily imagine the sneers and the jokes could already see the hatred in their eyes and House’s mocking comments. This time he wasn’t embarrassed as a sob escaped him, he didn’t care, his world was falling apart and he could only watch. The tender touch on his face was unexpected but so caring and soft that it didn’t startle him, instead it soothed him and he looked at Horatio. He expected to see disgust but saw only understanding.
“I don’t know Robert, but I don’t think it matters. I spoke with Dr. Wilson and he didn’t seem to care.” Chase shook his head and Horatio stopped speaking. He knew that Horatio meant well, but Wilson was the least of his concerns. “Dr. Wilson is not the problem, it’s House.”
He didn’t get an answer and Chase realized that Horatio was a good listener. There was something about his eyes, his calm composure that made Chase trust him and almost against his will, he began to speak.
“Dr. Gregory House, he’s the Head of Diagnostics and my boss. He’s a genius, and to work for him is incredible, but he’s also a bastard and hard on us. He’ll use any weakness he knows about without mercy.”
He was trembling again. He had worked so hard at presenting a smooth façade, but one by one House had peeled away the protective layers and picked at each wound until it had been bleeding again. His father, his past and now this...
“Why do you think being gay is a weakness?” The question surprised and angered him, but as he looked at Horatio he realized that he had not meant it as a joke. His snort was bitter as he shook his head and pointed at himself.
“If this isn’t weak, what is it then?”
Horatio’s face changed completely, gone was the calm soothing mask and in its place there was an intensity that made Chase hold his breath. The blue eyes captured his and held them locked. Chase trembled at the fierce determination and knowledge he saw in them. It made him shiver with sudden fear, but at the same time he felt comforted by the older man and looking again at Horatio, he realized that he trusted him.
“You were anything but weak last night. You fought back, you screamed for help and you ran. Robert, I saw you fight even as they held you down.”
The words penetrated his memories and healed some of his wounds, but one fact still remained. “I wouldn’t have been attacked, if I wasn’t gay.”
Their eyes were still locked and so Chase saw the deep pain that appeared in Horatio’s eyes for a second. It was gone as fast as it had emerged, and he wasn’t sure if he had only imagined it as Horatio smiled sadly.
“Do you blame the Jews for the Holocaust?” Shocked at the mere thought, Chase shook his head and at the same time understood what Horatio meant.
“Then don’t blame who you are for the attack.”
Chase nodded and sank back, still the voice of his teachers calling him weak and a coward was louder and with a sad smile he broke Horatio’s gaze.
“I should have fought harder.” Instead of answering, Horatio took one of his hands and raised it in front of Chase’s eyes. “Do you see the small particles under your nails? It’s the skin of your attackers. You fought, Robert, you fought hard to survive. When I found you, you had threads from their clothes in your hands and two had deep gashes in their faces. You fought and even if you lost, you ensured that these guys wouldn’t get away with it. The fight you put up will get them convicted.”
Horatio’s voice was strong and so determined that Chase wanted to believe him, but he was tired and his mind still was too unfocused to make any sense of the information.
“Sleep now, Robert. I’ll be here when you wake up, ok?”
It was weird to be called Robert, Chase thought, but even as he wanted to tell Horatio to call him Chase, something in him protested against it. Chase was the doctor, the hard fighting duckling of House, Robert was someone else and he liked the idea of Horatio knowing him.
---
House closed the door to Chase’s room silently. He had wanted to check on his wombat, and had intended on torturing him a bit, but instead he had walked into a conversation that had left him stunned. He had heard his name and listened in; he’d expected a long tirade about him, but instead had gotten an insight into his duckling that had surprised him. As for the redhead... He for sure wasn’t Chase’s sugar daddy, and somehow, House didn’t think the redhead had any intention of becoming Chase’s lover. Still House narrowed his eyes and walked towards Wilson’s office. The redhead had talked to him, and House needed some information. He opened the door without knocking and smiled as he saw Jimmy reading something.
“He doesn’t want Chase.”
Wilson looked up and frowned. “Who?”
Jimmy had the annoying tendency of letting his job interfere with the really important things in life such as gossip and food. House frowned and wanted to point the mistake out to his friend, when he got a second look at Wilson’s attire and a slow smile spread over his face. Wilson had removed his tie and undone the first two buttons of his shirt, it gave him a slightly untidy look which made House want to do things he shouldn’t think about while in a glass-walled office.
“Stripping for me? Now that’s a welcome...” Wilson blushed and House smirked. His friend was so easy sometimes and he wanted to pursue the line of thought, when he remembered a more urgent matter.
“The redhead in Chase’s room, he’s not Chase’s sugar daddy, and he doesn’t want him. So who is he?”
House saw how Wilson grinned. “His name is Horatio Caine and he saved Chase from the guys that attacked him. He seems to be working for the police.”
“You already checked him out, didn’t you? Eager aren’t we?” Wilson paled and started to say something, when the phone started to ring and with a tight smile he looked at House and answered the phone. “Hello Dr. Cuddy, what can I do for you?”
House frowned and pressed the disconnect button. Wilson stared at him gaping and House smirked. “Getting saved by Cuddy is for weaklings. Tell me, who is this guy? What does he want?”
Wilson glared at him and turned away. “Why don’t you find out yourself?”
---
Detective Mike Bernstein wasn’t surprised when his phone rang during his lunch break and Sheriff Anderson was on the other end. Mike might have never really dealt with the Trenton Sheriff, but he had known that his email about Horatio would have an effect.
“Bernstein, this idea of yours is nonsense. Someone like Caine shouldn’t work for a town police like the Princeton police. I want him for the Trenton lab.”
Mike smiled at the theatrical way Anderson used to persuade him and responded calmly. “I never thought about Princeton, we don’t have a lab after all. But I don’t think he wants to get back onto the treadmill.”
“What about contracting? Honestly, someone like Caine in our lab on even a consulting status would be a huge boost for us. Can you persuade him?”
Mike smiled at the enthusiastic way that Anderson had. He had only heard good things about the newly elected Sheriff, and a part of him said that Horatio and Anderson would be a good team.
“Sir, I think it’s you he needs to talk to. I don’t think he’s decided, but maybe if he understands that it would be different from Miami, he might consider the job.”
Anderson was silent for a while, but when he spoke again he sounded decisive. “Can you give me Caine’s number? I’ll have my secretary contact him for an appointment. And I think I might just know what could keep him here.”
It sounded a bit suspicious and Mike said it openly. “Caine won’t be swayed by money.”
Now Anderson laughed. “Not money, but the Dean of Princeton University contacted me recently about an idea he’s had. So maybe Caine would be interested in teaching.”
Mike wasn’t sure what to say, but he gave Anderson Horatio’s number and then called Horatio himself to warn him about the call from the sheriff. Horatio laughed and it sounded more relaxed than last night. “I was thinking about it, Mike. .Maybe I’ll stay for a while.”
Mike was surprised how glad he was to hear about Horatio’s decision. He had always liked working with Horatio Caine and his team, but he hadn’t really appreciated them until he had moved to Princeton. There was a reason why the Miami lab had made the top five in the country’s rankings every year and Trenton didn’t even feature in the top twenty. Of course they had a different crime rate here, and because of that there was less money, but it wasn’t just the money. Horatio Caine and his team had made the difference and he looked forward to working with him again.
Mike smiled as he sat down and checked his inbox, but as he saw his latest email his smile faded. There weren’t many people from Miami that he had still contact with and as he read the email from his friend he sighed. It wasn’t that much different than others he had gotten before; his friend spoke about work, life and normal everyday things, but mostly the mail was about the disappearance of Horatio Caine. He shook his head as he read. Horatio had not only left a gaping hole in the lab, he had also left a huge and aching void in his friend’s heart and life.
No one knew where Horatio was, no one knew whether he was alright or if they knew they weren’t talking. Every word in the short email spoke of his friend’s pain and here Mike was in Princeton and had just recruited Horatio Caine.
What on Earth should he write back?
---
Eric Foreman watched the red haired stranger who sat next to Chase’s bed for a long time, before he averted his eyes and turned away. It hurt to see Chase so vulnerable, hurt to see the bandages on his hands, the bruises on his face, but it hurt even more to know that it wasn’t him sitting there caring for Chase, comforting him. He had gone from loathing the Aussie to loving him in the time since they had started to work together. Foreman smiled bitterly as he walked towards House’s office. It seemed as if his revelation that Chase might be gay too had come too late.
Five days ago he could have lost Chase.
The thought hit him suddenly and he stopped as if he had run into a wall. He was flooded with both fear and relief and without wanting to he turned around and walked back towards Chase’s room. The red haired man was still sitting next to Chase and as Foreman entered he felt himself scrutinized by intense blue eyes.
“Hey, how’s Mr. Summerfield doing?” Chase’s question distracted him from the other man and he turned his focus towards his friend. Chase knew about their latest case, because Cameron and Foreman had been talking about it. He had even thrown out some suggestions himself although none of them were any helpful.
“His liver’s stats are improving, but now it looks as if his kidneys are failing.” He didn’t have to say anything else. Chase was a doctor after all and he knew only too well that unless they came up with a quick solution, their patient would have a very short life span.
“Shit.” Chase’s comment echoed Foreman’s sentiments, but then Chase turned toward the third man in the room and smiled at him warmly. “Horatio, sorry, I forgot to introduce you to my friend Eric Foreman. Eric, this is Horatio Caine.”
Foreman didn’t really feel like shaking hands with the man who might steal Chase from him, but then he remembered that without Horatio Caine, Chase wouldn’t be here and with a slightly forced smile he shook hands with the older man. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Caine.”
There was sliver of amusement in the blue eyes, one that told Foreman that Caine didn’t really believe his words, but there was nothing in the smooth and friendly voice when Caine answered. “Likewise, Dr. Foreman, likewise.”
For a second, they stared at each other, before Foreman broke the gaze and looked at Chase for a moment. He swallowed hard as he noticed the bruises on the pale face and a shiver ran through him at the thought of what might have happened if Caine hadn’t happened to walk by the dark alley.
“I wanted to thank you.” The words were out before he could stop them and he heard Chase’s gasp of surprise. Caine though simply looked at him with quizzical look in his eyes. “For saving Chase, for not looking the other way and ignoring him...”
He was glad that his dark skin hid the blush that now covered his face and once again he heard Chase gasp. He wanted to look at his friend, but the blue eyes held him captive until Caine nodded slowly.
“You’re welcome.” Foreman wanted to say something else, but he felt as if he had embarrassed himself enough and with a mumbled good bye he turned around and walked to the door. He had almost left the room when Caine spoke again. “And Dr. Foreman? Looking the other way was never an option.”
Again, there was this intense look from those blue eyes that made Foreman feel naked and exposed. He wanted to say something, but before he could think of anything, his eyes fell onto Chase. Chase who was pale and looked at him with something akin to wonder and shock in the blue eyes. It was too much and without another word, Foreman left the room.
---
Chase’s heart was beating fast as his eyes followed Foreman. His colleague’s reaction had shocked him. He and Foreman had a strained relationship, and often Chase wasn’t sure if they could even call themselves friends. There was too much rivalry between them, too much competing against each other for House’s attention and yet...
“Robert?” Horatio’s voice was friendly and as Chase looked at the other man, he saw understanding and concern in the blue eyes. “Are you alright?”
Chase wasn’t sure why he trusted Horatio so instinctively, but the fact was that he did and this feeling of comfort and trust made him say more than he normally would. “I didn’t think he would care.”
Horatio smiled gently. “I think he cares a lot, Robert. He clearly wasn’t happy to see me here.”
For a second, Chase was confused and shook his head. “Why not? He thanked you after all.”
Again Horatio smiled. “He did, but your friend isn’t sure about my intentions. I think he’s jealous.”
Jealous? Foreman? Chase’s heart had just slowed down only to speed up again at the thought and what it might mean. He dampened the hope that Horatio’s words woke in him and shook his head.
“You’re wrong. Foreman isn’t gay and even if he were... We’re barely friends.”
Saying that aloud hurt, Chase thought, but he was honest enough with himself to admit that the conflicts were both their fault.
“You know Robert, almost losing someone can change one’s perspective. It might just have been the wake up call your friend needed.”
Horatio was obviously a romantic. Chase smiled at the surprising thought, but he didn’t allow himself to feel any hope about Foreman harboring any other feelings than resentment against him.
“You said that your colleagues didn’t know about your sexual orientation. Couldn’t it be that now your friend finally knows he won’t be ridiculed and rejected simply because you’re not gay?”
Foreman gay? Chase couldn’t see it, and Horatio seemed to realize that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Instead the other man started to talk about other things and Chase soon enough found himself growing tired. Blearily he looked at Horatio. “Sorry, but...”
Horatio smiled gently. “Sleep, Robert. I anyway need to go. I’ve got a meeting about my future.”
Confused Chase looked at the older man, but Horatio shook his head. “I’ll tell you more tomorrow. Rest, Robert and give your body time to heal.”
Horatio left and Chase leaned back in his bed. He was fascinated with the older man, the man who had saved him and since then visited him every day. Why did he come?
Chase shook his head as his thoughts began to tumble over each other and sighing, he closed his eyes soon falling asleep.
---
*Trenton NJ*
Horatio had no idea what his talk with Sheriff Anderson would bring. Bernstein had been very enthusiastic about the sheriff, but Horatio knew that every publicly elected officer was in the end a politician, so he didn’t expect too much. The sheriff didn’t reside in Princeton, but in Trenton and Horatio smiled as he noticed the difference between the town like atmosphere in Princeton and the city vibe that he got from Trenton.
He identified himself at the reception and noted the age of the building which stood proudly at a street corner and had probably been there for a very long time. It was a beautiful structure, but before Horatio could admire it any further, a small, but energetic man walked towards him.
“Lieutenant Caine, I’m very pleased to meet you. I’m Sheriff Anderson.” Anderson’s handshake was firm, but not harsh and Horatio wondered silently how long the Sheriff had practiced to get the exact amount of pressure right, enough to show strength and yet not so much that the other person felt bullied.
“Thanks for your time and please don’t call me Lieutenant, I am not with the police department anymore.”
Anderson looked at him sideways and smiled. “Well, let’s see if we can change that.”
They walked towards a large office and Horatio politely declined the offer of coffee. Anderson looked at him intensely and Horatio suddenly realized that he might have underestimated the other man. “Detective Bernstein spoke very highly of you and of course your record speaks for itself, so let me be frank with you. We might not be Miami, but we have a crime problem here in Trenton. Last year, Trenton was ranked as the 14th most dangerous city overall out of 371 cities included nationwide in the 13th annual Morgan Quitno survey, and was again named as the fourth most dangerous city of 126 cities in the 75,000-99,999 population range. And because of that I jumped at the chance of having someone of your reputation and knowledge on my team.”
Horatio wanted to interrupt and say something, but Anderson continued to speak as if he hadn’t noticed it. “I know that you left Miami and that you left the force, but maybe you might still be interested in considering a contracting position. There’s only one question for me. You were a decorated officer, a Lieutenant with a promising future; why did you leave?”
Thinking about all the reasons why he had left Miami, Horatio was still unsure what to disclose and what to keep private. In the end he opted for truth to a certain degree. “I left Miami because I felt burnt out. When Detective Bernstein approached me about the possibility of a job, I saw a chance to do something I like but maybe at a quieter pace.”
Anderson looked at him and nodded slowly. “You’re being honest, so let me repay that courtesy. I want you here in Trenton. Our lab took a hard hit last year, when the director was found to have manipulated evidence in gang related cases. We’re currently understaffed and the new team is... well, new I guess.”
Horatio was surprised at Anderson’s honesty and reading in his face, the sheriff grinned. “There’s no reason to hide something you can find out if you search for it in Google, is there?”
Once more Horatio felt Anderson looking at him intently. “But I can see that you don’t want to work here, do you? It would be too close to what you left behind in Miami.”
The sheriff was good, Horatio thought and nodded calmly. “Yes, you’re right.”
“That’s why I talked to a couple of people and would like to offer you a position as a forensic consultant. We would call you in for any crimes that our team can’t handle alone and it’d be your call whether you want to work the case or hand it over to Philly.” Anderson looked at Horatio and again Horatio had the feeling that the older man could read his mind as the sheriff continued calmly. “It wouldn’t be a full time job, of course, but from what I understood that would be in your interest too.”
The offer sounded tempting, especially because it meant that Horatio would be free from office politics and intrigues. As an external consultant, he would be the observer and not involved. The only thing that confused him though was Anderson’s wording. “You’d call me in? So you wouldn’t expect me to be here permanently?”
He didn’t want to be tied down in Trenton, wasn’t sure if he was ready to grow roots already and the thought of settling again was actually frightening. Anderson looked confused and shook his head. “Well, I assumed that you would live in Princeton, it’s closer to the University after all.”
“University?” It was Horatio’s turn to be confused and with a groan Anderson looked at him. “The Dean hasn’t called you yet, has he?”
The Dean? Getting more and more confused by the second, Horatio simply shook his head. Anderson sighed and although reluctant, started to explain. “Two weeks ago I got a call from the Dean of Princeton University. He’s been inquiring about the possibility of someone from my team joining their teaching staff. From what I understood it would be a joint course between the law faculty of Harvard and their forensic engineering department. I told him that I couldn’t spare anybody, but after Detective Bernstein told me about your availability I took the liberty of suggesting you.”
Teaching? Lecturing at Princeton University? Horatio felt his head spin and he knew that for once his face gave away what he was thinking and Anderson’s laugh confirmed it. “Am I moving too fast? My wife always says that I don’t ask but plan everybody’s lives.”
Shaking his head, Horatio met Anderson’s eyes and smiled openly for the first time. “It’s going fast, but it sounds interesting and maybe it’s just what I need.”
“I hope it is, ‘cause I can tell you one thing. You’re exactly what this lab needs.”
Anderson agreed with him and Horatio smiled again. “When do you need my answer on your offer?”
Anderson looked at him for a moment, then he smiled. “We’ll fax you a consultant contract with all the compensation details. You think you might have an answer by the end of the week?”
Horatio nodded, and it was only later when he sat in his car that the reality of what just had happened registered. He had just been offered a new life.
---
*Chapter 3 – A New Life*
“I can see you’re becoming a regular fixture at our hospital.” The redhead, Caine wasn’t it, didn’t even look up from the paper he was reading when House addressed him. “I’m guessing you want to see the Wombat. He’s at physical therapy... Has to try to move his legs again, he got a bit lazy lately.”
That got a reaction and House was fascinated by the intense blue eyes that rested on him. The guy was good, could almost stare him down, but of course in the end he had no chance. They never did.
“You’re mute?” House watched the slow smile that crossed Caine’s face and realized that Caine enjoyed riling him up. Well, he’d show him. He leaned over and wanted to say something, when Jimmy walked around the corner and smiled brightly at the sight of Caine. “Sorry Horatio, I’m late.”
Horatio? House tensed immediately and glared at both Jimmy and ‘Horatio’. Caine had stood up and he and Jimmy were shaking hands right now and House almost growled as he saw the open happiness in Jimmy’s eyes.
“Don’t worry, Dr. House here kept me company.” Caine smiled at House and House had the very distinct feeling that the other man was silently laughing at him.
“You skipping lunch with me? Bad of you, now I have to pay.” Jimmy smiled, but at least had the grace to look slightly apologetic before he turned back towards Caine.
“Hungry? I thought we could go to Luigi’s, it’s a nice Italian place close to the university.”
House almost growled at the mentioning of Luigi’s. Luigi’s wasn’t just any restaurant in town; it was his and Jimmy’s restaurant. He had taken James there after his first divorce to cheer him up and ever since then it had become their oasis of peace.
And now Jimmy was taking Caine there?
He wanted to say something mean, something hurting, but just as he was about to speak, he noticed how Caine looked at him thoughtfully and then before House could say anything, Caine shook his head. “I’m feeling more like Asian food today; you know a good Thai place?”
Surprised, House looked at Caine and realized that the other man had seen how disturbed House was about the thought of Jimmy and Caine going to Luigi’s. For a moment his and Caine’s eyes met and he saw respect and amusement in the other man’s blue eyes.
Maybe he had judged Caine a bit too rashly, but of course he would never admit to it.
“Dr. House, it was nice to see you. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”
House frowned for a moment, then though he did something he rarely ever did: he was nice. “You have a minute this afternoon or tomorrow? I’d like to talk to you about the Wombat.”
Caine hesitated and then nodded. “Tomorrow, I have a meeting this afternoon.”
House saw the confused look Jimmy sent him, but he didn’t linger to watch his best friend walk out for lunch with a virtual stranger. Instead he went back to his office to torture Cameron and Foreman a bit more.
---
That had been interesting, Horatio thought silently as he followed Wilson out of the hospital lobby and walked over to his car. He hadn’t had much interaction with House so far and from what Robert had told him, he had expected the man to be a miserable sod, but the short meeting between House and Wilson had shown him differently.
He had seen the flash of hurt in House’s eyes as Wilson had spoken about Luigi’s, had seen the immediate jealousy in the other’s posture as House had found out that Wilson was going to lunch with Horatio, and with a smile he shook his head before he turned towards Wilson.
“So that was the famous Dr. House.”
Wilson simply grinned. “You’ve heard of him?”
“Robert talks about him a lot, so I kind of had formed an opinion.”
Laughing, Wilson pointed towards the direction that Horatio needed to drive and then shrugged. “He’s not half as bad as Chase has probably told you. He’s just...”
He trailed off and shrugged again. “He’s House, I guess.”
There was a clear fondness in Wilson’s eyes and it made Horatio smile, he didn’t comment on it though, because he certainly didn’t know Wilson well enough to comment on something so personal. Their talk trailed off and they drove in a comfortable silence for about ten minutes until they arrived at the Thai restaurant.
Once seated, Horatio smiled, but before he could start the conversation, Wilson grinned at him. It made him look younger, more carefree and Horatio found that he enjoyed the sight. “So what kind of meeting do you have this afternoon? I was under the impression that you weren’t working right now.”
Remembering yesterday’s conversation with the sheriff, Horatio smiled. “I’m not sure anymore actually. I had a meeting in Trenton yesterday and they offered me a job on a consultant basis and this afternoon I’ll meet the dean of the university. Something about a combined course between Harvard Law and Princeton.”
Surprised Wilson looked at him. “So you’re thinking of staying here permanently?”
The word permanently made him tense and he shrugged. “I don’t know. I certainly wasn’t planning it.”
Wilson laughed lightly. “Yeah, but you know how it is. Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”
The words made Horatio smile and he nodded, then took a deep breath as their curries arrived with an assault on all senses. “This smells wonderful.”
“It’s a great place; I love the curries and the atmosphere.” Wilson hesitated for a moment, then he continued. “Actually if you’re staying, I can give you the address of a good real estate agent. I just recently bought a house through her.”
Once again the thought of settling down made him tense, but if he was honest the thought of moving on and ending up in New York scared him even more. He was after all only a good two hour drive away from the city that held as many memories as Miami did.
“Horatio?” Meeting Wilson’s concerned eyes, he smiled. “Sorry, I kind of spaced out. This all just happened so quickly, you know. I guess I’ll see how the meeting goes this afternoon.”
Wilson smiled. “So what made you come here anyway?”
Horatio sighed and looked down at his plate. He wasn’t sure what to say, but after a moment of silence he looked up and once more met Wilson’s eyes. Again he saw nothing but concern and friendship in the young doctor’s eyes and deciding to listen to his gut feeling he started talking slowly.
“My wife was killed when a drug kingpin placed a price on my head. She was caught in the crossfire and died. After that I... my team broke apart and I just didn’t have the strength to start anew. So I left.” He smiled sadly before he continued. “As to why here? I kind of planned to move back to New York, but the closer I get, the more I realize that I have too many ghosts up there too.”
---
James was sure that there was more to Horatio’s story than the other man had told him, but he could understand that Horatio wasn’t going to bare his soul to him over curry. They still were more or less strangers even if James felt as if he had known Horatio for ages already.
Realizing that Horatio had stopped he looked at the other man and noticed the tiredness in the handsome face, noticed the paleness of the other’s skin and he mentally combined what he had heard with what he had seen and nodded. “Burn out.”
Horatio tensed for a moment, but then he nodded. “Yeah, funny, isn’t it? I never thought I’d end up with such a diagnosis. Never thought myself as someone...”
James didn’t let Horatio finish. He knew what the other man wanted to say and he was too much of a doctor to accept such a statement. “Don’t say weak.”
Horatio looked surprised at his harsh tone and shrugged. “It feels like I’m weak.”
Smiling James shook his head. “Burn out has nothing to do with weakness, it simply means that your life has thrown more at you than you can cope with at this precise moment of time.”
Horatio didn’t reply, but James could see that he still wanted to argue when the waitress came and asked if they wanted dessert. Shaking his head, James looked at Horatio. “You want something sweet?”
Horatio shook his head, but ordered some coffee and with a nod at the young girl, James ordered one too. Watching the girl walk towards the counter, James smiled. “You really should consider the offers you got. Princeton is a good place to find yourself again.”
He didn’t elaborate, and Horatio didn’t ask, but he smiled and nodded. “Maybe, at least I know already one great restaurant.”
James grinned. “If you need more suggestions, I’d be happy to introduce you to Princeton’s restaurant scene.”
The words were out before he realized how they sounded, but instead of looking at him confused, Horatio smiled and nodded. “It’d be good to have a friend here.”
Their lunch had suddenly turned more serious than he had planned, but nevertheless he had enjoyed it. Had enjoyed the time away from House if he was completely honest. As important as Greg was to him, he had a tendency of taking over James’ world so completely that James often felt drained.
Horatio was different, he was serious and obviously had some deep seated problems, but he was also calm and soft spoken and most of all he didn’t give James the feeling of being consumed.
Noticing the sudden silence, James looked up and found Horatio looking at him with a smile. “You ok?”
James wondered why he felt the need to open up to Horatio, why he felt that he could tell the other man everything and would not be rejected. Still his sense of self preservation was too strong and he shrugged. “We need to go back.”
Horatio accepted the excuse and didn’t ask any further, but as they drove back to the hospital, James felt Horatio’s eyes on him. At the next red light, he met the look and smiled. “I wasn’t kidding, when I said that you should consider staying. Sometimes you find a home in the one place you least expect it.”
---
House was grumpier than usual, his sarcasm even more biting and after a couple of cutting remarks against Cameron, Foreman had had enough. He glared at his boss and wanted to say something when the door opened and Wilson walked in. Immediately House looked at the younger doctor with something akin to contempt and Foreman was taken aback by the vehemence of House’s stare.
“You done flirting and driving around with the precious Horatio?”
It wasn’t unusual for House to tease Wilson about his dates, but this time it wasn’t a simple teasing, it was an almost vicious attack and Foreman saw that Wilson was visibly distraught by House’s words. The younger doctor recovered quickly though and shrugged. “We had a good lunch and as far as I know I am allowed an hour lunch break.”
House glared at Wilson, but before he could say anything Cameron intervened. “I still don’t agree, Dr. House, if we treat him with steroids we risk...”
She trailed off as House turned towards her and glared at her, but Foreman saw that she didn’t avoid her eyes as she normally did and that she didn’t back down. House shook his head and grinned without humor. “Well, if you’re convinced, then do it. But don’t come crying when he dies.”
He huffed once more and left the room, leaning heavily on his cane. Foreman heard a light sigh next to him and turning around, he looked at Wilson. The other doctor looked drawn and there was a deep sadness in his eyes as they followed House for a moment, before he had himself under control again and smiled at Cameron and Foreman.
“I’ll better go and calm him down.” He sighed a bit, before he smiled at Cameron. “Steroids are a good idea, just start with a small dose first.”
He left the room and took the same path that House had gone just seconds before. For a moment Foreman was silent, then he looked at Cameron and shook his head. “I didn’t really believe you, but I think you were right.”
She grinned without humor. “I’m a woman, Eric, and I had a crush on him once.”
She was silent for a moment, then she sighed. “Let’s start with the steroids and then visit Chase. After all, the one good thing about this lunch is that you don’t need to be jealous anymore.”
Foreman was still surprised how easy Cameron was about the fact that he had fallen for Chase. She could have made his life a living hell if she had wanted, but instead of using the fact that he was gay against him, she had accepted it and supported him. For a moment he watched her as she started to prepare the injection. She was completely concentrated and her entire being was focused on the patient.
She was probably the most human of them all, he suddenly realized, and the only one who allowed herself some emotions. It set her apart from House, Foreman and Chase, but at the same time it put her in the same league as Wilson.
Maybe that was the reason why she understood what he felt.
---
“How was the physical therapy?”
The first couple of days after the attack, Chase had been surprised when Horatio had visited him. Now the other man was fast becoming a regular feature in his hospital room and a welcome one too. Horatio never forgot to ask how he felt and how his recovery was going.
Getting up slowly, he sat down next to Horatio on the small table and smiled openly. “It gets better every day; the doctor told me that they’ll probably release me in two or three days.”
Horatio clasped his uninjured shoulder encouragingly. “That’s great news, Robert. Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with.”
The redhead’s willingness to help left him speechless again and with an open frown, he looked at Horatio. “You’re staying here then? I thought that you were just passing through.”
Horatio smiled. “I don’t know. I hadn’t planned on staying here, but there’s nothing for me in New York, nothing but my past and I’ve been offered a job with Trenton PD...”
The thought that Horatio would be staying made Chase smile. “Cool.”
For a moment Horatio seemed taken aback but then a smile slowly crept over his face. Chase was surprised by the almost shy expression and without thinking too much, he reached out and touched Horatio’s hand.
“You alright?”
Horatio seemed in thoughts, but when he answered his eyes were clear and fixed intensely on Chase. “Surprised I guess, I planned to stop here for a few nights, now I have an offer to be a contractor with Trenton PD and I have a meeting this afternoon with people from the university. It’s...”
He trailed off and for once Chase could read clearly in the blue eyes. He pressed Horatio’s hand once again this time in encouragement. “Unreal, but you know, what they say; good things happen to good people.”
---
Horatio was still thinking about Robert’s last comment when he walked through the university’s park towards his meeting.
Good things happen to good people.
It was wonderfully optimistic and it was a way of thinking that he had lost in the past years. His credo had often been exactly the opposite, but maybe this town would indeed surprise him in more than one way.
“Mr. Caine, I’m glad you could make it.” David P. Dobkin was a wry man with eyes that seemed to study Horatio from the moment he had stepped into Mr. Dobkin’s office. Horatio had read up on the Dean of the famous Princeton University and he knew that the other man was a professor in computer science and a award-winning scientist.
A part of Horatio wondered what he was doing in these halls, why he was here, another part though was simply thrilled to listen what the university had to offer.
“I feel honored to be here.”
Dobkin laughed lightly and his eyes lit up with amusement. “Oh, the honor is on our side, we might have an old fashioned look, but we’re not living in an ivory tower. Sheriff Anderson speaks very highly of you, even though you haven’t yet accepted his offer...”
A knock on the door made Dobkin look up and immediately his personal assistant walked in accompanied by a man and a woman. Dobkin nodded and asked for coffee for the four of them before he started the introduction.
“Mr. Caine, may I introduce you to Professors Anne De Winter and Salvatore Cellio. Anne, Salvatore, please meet Mr. Caine.”
The woman was in her fifties, and her eyes held the same intelligence that Dobkin’s had while the man was slightly younger, maybe mid forty and his olive skin spoke of a Mediterranean origin. They both shook his hands before the four of them sat down on the comfortable seating arrangement in the Dean’s office.
Dobkin started to speak first. “I asked Professors De Winter and Cellio to join because they are the driving force behind the new program we want to offer. Professor De Winter is the Dean of our School of Public and International Affairs and the idea has partly originated in her department, so if I may, I’d like her to explain.”
Professor De Winter smiled and started to explain. “We don’t have regular law faculty in Princeton, however we work closely with the Harvard Law School and during the last meeting of deans, my colleague and I talked about the increasing importance of science in the field of law. It’s not just in the punitive law where scientific evidence has become more and more important but also in the public sector where more and more it is required that a political advisor or consultant understands the basics of forensic science. During our discussions, we came up with the idea of setting up a new program which combines the efforts of our School of Engineering and Applied Science and our department together with the Harvard Business School.”
It sounded great, but Horatio still wasn’t really sure why they wanted to talk to him, before he could start asking questions, Professor Cellio picked up where Ms. De Winter had left off. “As the head of the School of Engineering and Applied Science, I support this collaboration with all my heart because I see it from the other side. While there has been an increasing importance of science in the legal world, the rise of these ‘Forensic TV shows’ has also increased the students’ interest and a lot of my graduates and undergraduates are interested in going into the field, however they have no idea about the law and often find themselves in situations where they need to think with the mind of a lawyer but only have the mind of a scientist.”
Professor Cellio laughed. “So we went out and got the funding and starting mid next semester we will offer a new program called ‘Forensic Science in Law’.”
Three faces looked enthusiastically at Horatio and he couldn’t help but share their excitement. What they wanted to create would be something he had asked for a long time ago, a program dedicated to the special needs of a forensic specialist. Still, why did they need him?
“I must say I’m impressed, I love the idea, but pardon my question, why do you need me? Princeton has one of the best engineering departments and the Woodrow Wilson Institute is as famous as the Harvard Law School, so why would you need me?”
Professor Cellio looked at him and smiled. “To bring in reality.”
Surprised, Horatio looked at the other man who now laughed. “Look, we can teach these kids all they need to know about how to perform a DNA analysis, and about what a corpus delicti is, but what we can’t teach them is what it will be like to work a crime scene, what they have to be careful of, what the real world is like.”
“How do you expect to bring reality in a classroom?”
His voice sounded too critical, Horatio suddenly realized, but before he could apologize, Professor De Winter answered. “By having you partnering our lessons.”
Frowning, Horatio looked at her and she smiled. “These won’t be large classes; we don’t expect more than fifty students in the first year, maybe sixty. The way we’re planning the lessons is that they will be taught by a professor from Harvard and selected professors from the engineering department together with you.”
She looked at him and suddenly smiled mischievously. “You’re basically the devil’s advocate in these lessons, Mr. Caine, bringing in the real world.”
Dobkin had been silent while the two professors had explained everything. Now he looked at Horatio. “The start of the program is planned for June. I know it’s February now, but still would you be interested?”
For a moment, Horatio didn’t know what to say, but then he looked at the three professors and slowly nodded. “I am, but I have some questions first.”
“Of course, please ask.” Dobkin seemed pleased and Horatio tried to find some order in his suddenly overwhelmed brain.
“How much time would it take and how often do you plan to offer this course?”
De Winter and Cellio shared a look before De Winter answered. “The preparation for the initial class will probably take the most effort and once you’re more settled and the entire program has a clear structure it will slow down. We’d like to offer you a part-time position as a lecturer. The frequency of the program hasn’t been decided, but we plan to run it at least twice a year at Princeton and potentially once at Harvard. Again that’s once the program is settled and fixed.”
A part-time position. Horatio knew that together with the consulting for the Trenton PD he would be plenty busy but not overworked. Still did he really want to stay here? Was he really ready to grow roots again? He sighed silently and looked at Dobkin. “I need to think about it.”
The dean looked pleased and smiled before he handed him an envelope. “All the necessary information regarding payment, health insurance, pension benefits and all that stuff is in here. If you have any questions in regards to the administrative part, just feel free to give me a call.”
“And if you have any questions on the program, feel free to contact us anytime.” Cellio smiled, before he frowned for a moment and then continued. “Actually, why don’t you come around to the faculty sometime this week and meet the people you’d be working with. Just call ahead, ok?”
Fifteen minutes later, Horatio was back in his car and on the way to his hotel room. Next to him on the seat lay the envelope and on top of it the card that James had given him. The realtor’s address... He brought all the documents up to his room and started to read through the contract that had been in the envelope as well as the one that the Trenton PD had faxed. Once thing was clear, he mused, he would earn a lot more than he had earned before.
His eyes fell onto the business card once more and slowly he reached for it. Should he stay? Should he call and try to find a home here in this town?
He grabbed his cell phone and called a number. “Alexx, do you have time to talk?”
---
*Miami*
Alexx had been in the middle of an autopsy when Horatio called, but there as something in his voice that made her forget about the body on her table and within moments she had asked her assistant to prepare the young woman while she was talking to Horatio.
“Honey, how are you?”
The silence on the other end made her sigh, but she waited patiently until Horatio started to speak. The first words thought took her by surprise.
“I’ve been offered a job or two actually.”
As if those words had opened some barrier, Horatio began to speak faster, explaining what the job offers entailed and the longer Alexx listened the happier she became, this was the old Horatio she was speaking with. Not the depressed, exhausted man he had become, but the idealistic and enthusiastic man she had known before Speed had died. Alex smiled slowly; Horatio might not know it yet, but he had already decided.
“Are you going to stay?”
A deep sigh was her response, but then Horatio spoke again, slowly and insecure and her heart ached for him. “I’m afraid, Alexx, afraid of settling down, afraid of feeling happy again. Every time I’ve felt like I had some peace in my life, every time I felt like something good was finally starting, it all fell apart.”
She thought of all the losses Horatio had had to endure, thought of the death of his mother, his brother, Speed’s death, Marisol’s murder... She could understand him, but still she knew that he had to keep trying.
“You can’t run from yourself. If you don’t stay, where will you go?”
“I don’t know. I can’t go to New York, it’s... I wanted to go there, wanted to go home, but I couldn’t. There are too many memories.”
Alexx knew that a part of Horatio wanted her to tell him what to do, but he wouldn’t trick her into doing that, she knew him too well. So instead of answering him, she asked him about the people he would be working with, asked him about the people he had met in the hospital and listened how he talked and how he sounded happy when he mentioned a lunch with a guy called James Wilson, how he sounded intrigued every time he mentioned the offer from the university and when he finally fell silent she smiled.
“You know what you want to do, don’t you? Don’t let your fear hold you back, sugar, you deserve happiness.”
The silence on the other side stretched and grew until she heard a light laughter floating through the line. “You’re a clever woman, Alexx. Thank you.”
She laughed. “Send me your new address.”
---
*Princeton*
The knock on his door came late at night and for a moment Wilson was tempted to simply pretend to not be at home. At the same time, he knew only too well that the other person wouldn’t go away. Sighing he walked to the door and opened it just as Greg was about to knock again. A satisfied grin spread over his friend’s face.
“I knew you were home.”
Wilson shook his head and without saying anything he turned away from the door. Greg would follow, he knew that. “Coffee?”
At Greg’s look he sighed and reached for the bottle of wine he had opened this evening. Pouring them each a glass, he walked over to the couch and watched as Greg struggled for a moment to sit down comfortably. It hurt as always to watch his friend in pain, but he had learned the hard way that Greg wouldn’t accept help.
“So what’s up?”
Greg was surprisingly silent and instead of answering Wilson’s question, he stared at his wine glass for a long time finally he looked up and Wilson’s breath caught at the raw openness he saw in Greg’s eyes, the vulnerability that suddenly was there.
“Am I losing you, Jimmy?”
The question took him aback and for a moment he stared at Greg. Greg’s eyes were holding his captive and Wilson swallowed hard. What was going on here? What was Greg talking about?
“Losing me?” This time it was Wilson who tried to look into Greg’s eyes, but his friend avoided his eyes. “Why would you lose me?”
Greg shrugged. “First you go off for lunch with the redhead, and now I hear from Cuddy that you’ve been having talks with a hospital in Seattle. So what do you expect me to think?”
His talks with the Seattle Grace Hospital had not been about a job offer, but after Cuddy’s constant complaints about the high cost of the oncology department, he had felt it served her right to think that he was looking to start somewhere new. He had never expected her to talk to Greg though and shaking his head, he looked at his best friend.
“We’ve been discussing possible interaction in certain fields. They’re especially strong in research into abdominal cancer where we’re pretty behind; on the other hand we’re far more advanced in any leukemia cases. There was never any talk about me moving there, it’s simply about cooperation.”
Wilson was always looking to expand his network of hospitals to work with; he knew it was the only way that they could make a real impact in battling the illness that killed so many. Greg had always laughed at him and called him a closeted politician. Now though he simply looked at Wilson with unreadable eyes.
“Would you tell me?”
“What? If I was considering leaving Princeton? Of course!”
Not that Wilson could imagine leaving Princeton or Greg, but instead of voicing his opinion he simply smiled and refilled Greg’s glass. They chatted for a bit more, then watched a film until Greg announced that it was time to go home.
Wilson watched him hobble to his car and stood at the window for a long time even after Greg’s car had disappeared. Something was bothering his friend, something that went deeper than the usual annoyance with the job or the patients, Greg had been subdued today, quiet almost. Wilson frowned as another adjective came to his mind, one that didn’t fit Greg at all and yet Greg had been acting almost shy tonight.
Am I losing you?
Unbidden, Greg’s words came back to him and still staring outside he shook his head finally voicing what he hadn’t dared to say to Greg.
“You can’t lose me.”
Wilson looked once more outside and smiled almost bitterly before he turned away from the window and walked towards his bedroom.
*Chapter 4 – Starting Anew*
Chase cursed slightly as he looked at the stairs in front of him; why had he ever moved into a building without an elevator? Normally he didn’t mind the three flights of stairs to his apartment but today it seemed almost too much for him. He moved slowly, grabbing the wall while he concentrated on lifting one foot after the other. Finally he had reached the door and almost fell through it. He had only gone down to the store at the corner of his street, but the short walk had exhausted him.
Turning on the TV he sank onto his couch and sighed blissfully. This was heaven and hell combined. He was glad to be back in his flat and on his couch, but at the same time, he was bored to death.
Not even Horatio’s visits had changed that. He had enjoyed the company even though their discussions had been awkward at the beginning. They were literally two strangers connected only by the violent attack that had injured Chase.
He had been sure that Horatio wouldn’t come back, but to his surprise he had come back and the second visit had been easy going and accompanied by stories of Horatio’s house hunting adventures. They had fallen into an easy banter. When Horatio left, he had been smiling and Chase had understood that the other man enjoyed their friendship and bantering as much as he did.
Horatio’s visits had become something he was looking forward to and the other man had become Chase’s confidant. With a slight blush, he suddenly remembered one of their conversations. It had started innocently enough with Chase talking about his team when Horatio had suddenly looked at him and smiled.
“You like him, don’t you?”
Chase stared at Horatio in shock. He swallowed hard and then tried for a nonchalant answer. “Who, House?”
Horatio simply looked at him without another word and Chase suddenly felt for the criminals that had to face this man in interrogations. Swallowing again he sighed and nodded slowly.
“Yeah, I fell for him the first time I saw him.”
And wasn’t that pathetic? Foreman had pretty much hated him on sight while he had fallen in love.
Chase only realized that he had spoken his thoughts out loud when Horatio had shaken his head. “Love is never pathetic. It hurts like mad when it is unrequited and to lose a loved one is like dying yourself, but no matter how much pain it brings you, it is never pathetic.”
The intensity in Horatio’s words took Chase aback. For a moment he saw a deep pain his eyes, but then Horatio blinked and the emotion was hidden again.
“You should talk to him.”
Chase laughed bitterly. “I have to work with him; I can’t tell him that I’m in love with him.”
“You might be surprised, he cares for you. He was deeply scared when you were injured.”
With a shiver, Chase returned to reality and frowned at the TV. He had hoped that Horatio would visit him today again, but his friend had phoned and told him about a call from the Trenton PD. Chase hated to admit that he didn’t want to be alone, but as he slowly got up and grabbed a soda from the fridge, he sighed mentally. There was no reason to lie to himself.
It had been two weeks since the attack and although he was recovering, it was slow going. The bruises had faded and while his body still looked like a modern painting his face was slowly getting back to normal. He had had a concussion, but that too was gone with thankfully no headaches remaining. They had broken his collarbone and he was still getting used to moving around with the cast.
The main problem though was not physical, and the exhaustion that constantly plagued him had nothing to do with his injuries. He had nightmares that woke him up in the middle of the night, and when he woke he was shivering and his body was aching all over again. In his dreams there was no Horatio to stop them, in his dreams they never stopped...
The doorbell interrupted his musings and wondering if Horatio had finished his case this fast, he walked towards the door only to gasp silently when he looked through the spy hole.
“Foreman, what are you doing here?”
Foreman looked tired and his eyes immediately examined Chase’s body with open concern. The worry in the dark eyes brought Horatio’s words back and Chase shivered as they seemed to resonate through his flat.
“He was deeply scared when you were injured.”
“I thought I might keep you company with some beer and I’m sure there’s a game on.”
Foreman’s answer jerked him back into reality and with a smile he invited his friend in. “Sounds great, I feel like I’m dying of boredom.”
Foreman laughed, but frowned when he caught Chase wincing. “You still in pain?”
Cursing silently, Chase shrugged and winced again. “I’m tired and still tense. My shoulders and my neck ache from the cast.”
He sighed as he sat down and waited for Foreman to hand him a beer. His friend looked at him for a moment and then passed him a bottle. “You get one beer; you’re still on pain killers.”
“Doctors!” Chase muttered and Foreman grinned. “You want me to look at your shoulder?”
Still surprised at the open concern his friend displayed, Chase shook his head. “Thanks, but the cast should come off tomorrow, and hopefully it’ll get better then.”
---
Forty minutes into the game, Foreman realized that Chase had fallen asleep on the couch. For a moment he wondered if he should turn the TV off, but decided against it. Chase had looked so tired and exhausted when he had opened the door, and the last thing Foreman wanted was to wake him now.
So instead of turning the TV off, he simply lowered the volume and continued to watch the game while stealing glances at his colleague. The bruises in Chase’s face had disappeared, but he still looked pale and Foreman was sure that letting him sleep was the right thing to do.
Once the game was over, he quietly got up and turned the TV off, before he looked once more at his friend. Chase was still sleeping and for a moment Foreman just stood there and fought the urge to touch him. Trembling, he held himself back and with a sigh, Foreman walked towards the door when a moan reached him.
“No, please...”
Chase’s voice sounded frightened and immediately Foreman walked back to the couch. He tensed as he looked at Chase and saw the panic on the handsome features, saw how Chase shivered in his sleep. Slowly Foreman kneeled down next to the couch.
“Chase, wake up.”
He wasn’t sure whether to touch Chase or not, but when another moan resonated through the room, he reached out and stroked Chase’s face gently. “It’s a dream, Chase, you’re safe. You’re ok.”
At the touch of his hand, Chase screamed before he sat up. His eyes were open now and wild, terror lurked in them and Foreman understood that Chase was still stuck in the horror he had seen in his dreams. Again he reached out slowly, but Chase only whimpered.
“No, please...”
The fear in his voice broke Foreman’s heart, but he caressed Chase’s face gently despite the fear in the other man’s eyes. “You’re safe. Robert, you’re safe.”
Finally his words seemed to penetrate the fog of terror and Chase shivered once more, but this time his eyes were clear. Swallowing hard, Foreman saw shame lurking there and without thinking he reached for Chase’s hands.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of...” Trailing off, he saw Chase smile bitterly before his friend answered almost silently. “I haven’t slept since I’ve been released. I close my eyes and I see them again.”
Foreman sighed, and after a moment of contemplation he looked at Chase again. “Do you want me to stay?”
Chase’s face was so open and so vulnerable as he nodded, that Foreman would have lost his heart, if he hadn’t lost it to Chase long ago.
“Come on, let’s move you to the bedroom, I bet it’s more comfortable than the couch.”
Chase groaned. “Nothing is comfortable with this cast.”
Foreman smiled at the little boy lost look that Chase gave him, but made up his mind quickly. He had never been a coward when it came to love and he wouldn’t be one now.
“Maybe it’s more comfortable when you lean against me?” For a moment Chase froze before he turned around and smiled hesitantly.
“Maybe.”
It was a bit of a struggle until they finally found a position in which Chase felt comfortable, but when the younger man relaxed against Foreman’s body, Foreman closed his eyes in bliss. It was perfect, he thought and slowly put his arms around Chase.
“You have no idea how often I wanted to hold you just like this.”
Chase turned his head around and smiled. “Just hold me?”
Seeing the sudden mischief in Chase’s eyes, Foreman leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Chase’s forehead. “No, not just hold you. But you’re too tired and doped up to enjoy anything else.”
Chase seemed to think about it and finally nodded. “Later then.”
He closed his eyes and soon enough, Foreman felt the deep breaths which indicated that Chase had fallen asleep. For a long time he lay awake, trying to analyze what he felt. He held Chase in his arms. Foreman snorted silently, he had envisioned so many scenarios on how it would happen and now he was here.
It was almost surprising how right it felt.
---
“Mr. Caine, it’s great to meet you. And we’re sorry to call you out in the middle of the night for the first time.” The dark haired detective smiled widely as Horatio stepped onto the crime scene. He walked up and extended his hand immediately. “Detective Matthews.”
Horatio shook the other man’s hand and nodded. “Good to meet you. So what do we have here?”
Matthews sighed. “Double homicide, and for some reason our CSI team thought they couldn’t handle it on their own.”
There was a lot of sarcasm and scorn in Matthews’ voice and Horatio immediately followed his gaze towards the two young men standing next to the bodies looking lost. He looked back at Matthews and frowned.
“That’s the team?”
Matthews shook his head. “No, that’s the experienced part of the team. Well apart from the head of the lab, but he’s at court today.”
Horatio couldn’t hide his shock at the answer and he finally understood what he had signed on for. Sheriff Anderson hadn’t lied to him when he had said that the team was inexperienced and fresh. Sighing, he met Matthews’ eyes again and the detective smiled. “I heard you’re teaching at the University as well, maybe you should sign these guys up for your courses.”
Horatio didn’t answer, but barked out a sharp ‘stop’ when one of the men started to kneel down next to the body. The young man froze and stared at Horatio. “You could contaminate valuable evidence like that. You need to search the perimeter before you move the body.”
The two men nodded hesitantly and one of them smiled. “I’m sorry Mr. Caine, I...”
Horatio smiled and stopped the apology immediately. “It’s ok, nothing happened, just remember it for the next time ok? Now, I’m Horatio and you’re?”
“Tim Warren and Stephen Dobic, we got the call and well, our boss isn’t here, so we felt that we’re not senior enough to work this case. Would you take it on?”
Tim’s face was hopeful and honest and Horatio couldn’t help but feeling ancient at the sight of the young man looking up to him. But he had been idle for way too long and the crime scene called to him. It was what he loved doing, bringing justice to those who had been victimized and with a smile towards Tim he nodded. “Sure.”
Both Tim and Stephen looked relieved and thanked him before they went to a non-descript car and came back with a separate crime scene kit. “Our boss told us to call you if needed and to bring a kit for you too. Thanks again.”
They drove off and Horatio noted how Matthews looked pleased at their departure. He felt the detective’s eyes on him as he methodically worked the crime scene, lifted prints and collected trace evidence. He was diligent as always, careful and while he worked he suddenly realized how long it had been since he really had had the time to be a CSI. Those last years in Miami he hadn’t had time to work a crime scene and collect evidence.
Spotting something on the body, he reached for the tweezers in the kit and plucked a long blond hair from the second body. Neither of the two teenagers were blond and with a smile he bagged the hair.
“It’s nice to see someone who knows what he’s doing on a crime scene.”
Matthews’ comment made Horatio look up and without wanting to, he took exception to the comment. “They’re young and inexperienced, but they seemed eager to learn.”
The detective sighed. “I know, and it’s not them I’m angry at. But do you have any idea how many creeps had to be released when the former CSI team was found dirty? It was like a flood wave; at least two thirds of the cases they worked were overturned in court and the remaining third is still under review. As for Warren and Dobic, yes, they are young and eager to learn but while they do, they fuck up and perps walk.”
Horatio understood Matthews, but remembered only too well how it had been while the lab had been under investigation by the state attorney. “I understand, but give them the benefit of the doubt.”
Matthews smiled at the bags Horatio had placed on the floor. “We’ve got you now.”
Horatio didn’t reply, but felt a warmth that he hadn’t felt for a long time. He could really help here; he could bring in his expertise and help the victims.
It was a good feeling.
---
Chase woke slowly and instinctively burrowed closer into the warmth of the body against his. He felt rested for the first time in what seemed weeks and with a smile he opened his eyes and froze. Foreman looked at him tenderly and for a second Chase wondered if he was still dreaming, then though Foreman smiled.
“Good morning.”
Chase swallowed hard, but before he could formulate a response, Foreman bent down and captured his lips softly. Foreman’s lips were soft and Chase groaned lightly as his body woke fully. They kissed tenderly and when they separated Foreman smiled. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”
The feelings Chase could see in Foreman’s eyes rendered him mute. There was so much tenderness, and love in the dark orbs that he swallowed hard. “Eric, what are we doing?”
Foreman’s eyes sparkled at the question. “If you really need to ask, then it’s been way too long since you’ve been kissed.”
Chase wanted to protest, but seeing the smile on Foreman’s face he couldn’t help but laugh. “Ok, I know what you’re doing, but why?”
Foreman’s face clouded over for a moment, but then he moved so that he held Chase easily while he looked at him. “I’ve wanted you for a while, but I never thought that you’d be interested.”
One didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand why Foreman had figured out that he might have a chance; after all it had been Chase who’d gotten himself beaten up in front of a gay bar. His dark thoughts must have showed because Foreman’s lips touched his once more and this time their kiss was deeper, more passionate. Chase was breathless when they separated.
“Well, I am interested.” He grinned. “Just in case you didn’t notice.”
He moved closer towards Foreman and immediately groaned when a sharp pain in his shoulder reminded him of his injuries. Cursing slightly, he looked at Foreman who just smiled and caressed his face.
“Our timing sucks.”
---
Horatio stood in Trenton’s lab and was carefully dusting some glass shards that he found. One of them had a print on it, and frowning, he looked around before he realized that he would have to lift the print manually and couldn’t just digitalize it.
“It’s not the most modern equipment, but we get by.”
The dry comment from the door made him turn around and smile at the older guy standing there. Slightly smaller than Horatio, the man was stocky and had grey hair. He had a friendly smile on his face and now walked into the room with his hand held out. “I’m Michael, the head honcho around here. And you have no idea how glad I am that you’re around now.”
After this introduction, Horatio knew who the other man was; Michael Preston was the new head of the CSI lab in Trenton. He had taken over only a couple of months ago and was obviously still struggling to build his team. With a smile, Horatio shook his hand. “Thanks for the welcome and please just to make something clear, I’m not after your job.”
Michael laughed. “Oh, believe me you’d be welcome to it.”
Hearing the slightly bitter tone reminded Horatio of his last weeks in Miami and he looked at Michael concerned. The older man shrugged. “It’s not the job itself that’s hard here, but the fact that because of the former team’s blunder we have lost literally all credibility with the cops and other departments. And you probably know how hard it is to rebuild trust.”
Understanding what Michael didn’t say Horatio nodded. “Yeah, well I’ll be glad to help out in any way.”
The computer beeped and Horatio turned towards the screen. “We have a match.”
---
Wilson seemed surprised to see him, Horatio thought, but the surprise quickly changed into joy and seeing the wide smile on Wilson’s face, Horatio smiled in return. He hadn’t seen the other man or even talked to him, the case had taken up all of his time. Horatio frowned lightly as he suddenly realized that he had missed the doctor.
“I was on my way to the university, but I thought I should come by and thank you in person. The real estate agent you set me up with really is a miracle worker. I actually found the perfect house.”
Wilson grinned. “You’re staying then?”
For a moment Horatio smiled back. “I closed my first case for the Trenton PD today.”
“How did it go?” Wilson’s honest interest warmed Horatio’s heart and he knew that he had a wide smile on his face as he thought back to the moment when they had brought in the killer. ”It felt great.”
Wilson nodded and getting up, he pulled Horatio into a hug. “I’m glad. We should celebrate, what do you think? Dinner tomorrow?”
Thinking about the restaurant that Michael had told him about, Horatio agreed. “And this time I can even be the one to suggest a place.”
When Horatio named the restaurant, Wilson first looked surprised at the suggestion and then impressed. “This is an insider’s tip, how did you hear about it?”
“The head of Trenton’s lab suggested it, when I asked. I had a feeling that we would celebrate.”
Wilson smiled and shook his head. “Aren’t I predictable?”
Remembering the other reason why he had come by, Horatio frowned slightly. “Do you want to meet around eight? I want to go by Chase’s before.”
Wilson looked surprised and then nodded. “Sure, eight is fine. You often visit Chase?”
“He has nightmares.”
Horatio knew that his simple statement spoke of too much knowledge and that he opened himself far too much, but Wilson didn’t question him and that more than anything else proved to Horatio that the other man really was quickly becoming a good friend.
---
“So tell me, what are you compensating for?” The caustic remark made Horatio look up as he exited the hospital and he was shocked to see Dr. House leaning against his Hummer. He hadn’t noticed the other man until he had almost run into him and House seemed to love having him at a disadvantage.
“It’s almost a cliché, isn’t it? Big car, small feet?” This time House smirked and Horatio couldn’t help but smile at the innuendo. It had been a long time since someone had challenged him with words the way House did and despite the other man’s attitude, Horatio enjoyed their encounters.
“It’s got enough space for the equipment needed at a crime scene.” House chuckled at Horatio’s words. “Sure that silver flight case that you guys use wouldn’t fit into a normal SUV. No, it has to be a Hummer...”
Opening the driver’s door, Horatio smiled at House. “You want a ride?”
House seemed tempted, but before he could answer, a third voice called his name and House grimaced. “My boss calls, sorry, Mr. Caine, but that ride will have to wait.”
He limped back towards the entrance and Horatio was about to get into the car, when House suddenly turned around. “So are you?”
Having lost track of the conversation, Horatio frowned and House chuckled gleefully before he continued loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear. “Are you compensating for something with that car?”
There were snickers from some of the nurses and an exasperated sigh from the woman who had called House’s name before. Horatio found himself both frowning and smiling when he got into the car and drove away. House had insulted him, taunted him and yet, he thought surprised, yet he had made him smile.
---
House liked Horatio. He was smart, and didn’t let House get to him, instead he gave back as good as he got. From what House had seen, Horatio had not only saved Chase’s life, but had continued to visit the younger man event to the point of striking up a friendship with the Wombat.
He hated that he liked Horatio, because it would have been so much easier if the redhead had been an arrogant, nasty bastard.
If Horatio had been a bastard, House would have delighted in manipulating him until his true character was revealed to Jimmy, but right now, he had to admit, that Horatio and Jimmy would make a good pair.
The thought hurt like hell and House growled as he walked into his office. He didn’t want to lose Jimmy, not that he had ever had him... Another growl escaped House at the thought of how long he’d been pining after his best friend.
“You ok?”
Jimmy’s voice penetrated his thoughts and he looked up to see his friend standing in the door watching him concerned. For a second, he was tempted to tell Jimmy the truth, and the moment on the roof terrace came back to him. The way Jimmy had looked at him there, the wealth of emotions in the other man’s eyes.
“Sure, why shouldn’t I be?”
He cringed inwardly at the way he snapped at his best friend, but the last thing he wanted was to alert Jimmy to the fact that he was hurting House with his affair with Horatio.
“You’re growling at your walls.”
The dry statement made him growl again, this time directed at Jimmy, but the other man had been his friend for too long and so he simply raised on eyebrow and continued to look at him. “Greg, what’s going on? You’ve been different lately.”
Jimmy pushed himself away from the door and slowly walked over to House. House shivered, he felt almost stalked, but he pushed the thought away quickly and glared at his friend. “My team’s a mess. The Wombat is on sick leave and Foreman is useless because he’s too worried that the Wombat is kicking the bucket. That leaves me and Cameron and hey, you know how that’s working out.”
For a moment Jimmy seemed to think about it and then shook his head. “That’s not it, you’re sad somehow, depressed... When your team isn’t performing, you’re pissed, not sad.”
House hated the fact that Jimmy could see through him like through glass and meeting the other man’s eyes he felt cornered. His reaction was instantaneous and he snapped angrily, protecting himself immediately.
“It’s none of your concern. Just go and play good Wilson somewhere else. I don’t need your pity, ok? Just go.”
Jimmy tensed and for a moment hurt flared in his eyes, before he turned around and left the room without another word. And wasn’t that the irony of his life, House thought, as the sight of his friend walking away felt like a knife in his heart?
---
Salvatore Cellio was deep in thought as he waited for Horatio Caine.
The joint course on science in the law had been Salvatore’s idea and he had spent a considerable amount of time and effort into persuading not only Anne, but also some of the university’s alumni in order to obtain the financing for it. And because the entire thing was his brain child he had been more than critical about having an outsider essentially run the classes.
Neither the faculty nor he himself could afford this course being a failure. When Sheriff Anderson had called him and suggested Horatio Caine, he had been more than wary. The meeting at the Dean’s office had calmed some of his anxiety. He’d heard of Horatio Caine before and had read some of his articles, but he had never expected the other man to have such charisma and such a powerful personality.
This certainly was a man who could command the attention of a classroom full of students. He also had the experience and the passion for the subject, but the key question for Salvatore was whether or not Horatio could transform the knowledge and experience into lectures.
“Professor? Mr. Caine is here now.” The voice of his personal assistant came through the intercom and he got up to welcome the other man.
“Would you like some coffee?” Caine nodded at his question and sat down opposite Cellio’s desk. Cellio smiled and pointed towards the conference table.
“The desk and chair thing is for the students, not for colleagues.”
Caine smiled at that, but before he walked over, he handed him a small flash drive. “I had some time yesterday and put an idea of a teaching schedule together.”
Impressed, Cellio took the USB stick, but didn’t make a move to actually look at the documents. Instead he sat down next to Caine. Despite being a tech and science guy, he still preferred to assess someone personally and not through files.
“I’ll look at it later, but why don’t you tell me about your ideas and what you want to teach?”
Caine looked at him sharply for a moment and Cellio knew immediately that he had been found out when Caine smiled. “Testing me?”
He had to give Caine points for having the guts to call him on his maneuver, but then he had read and heard enough about the other man to know that he certainly wasn’t lacking in guts. Neither was Cellio for that matter and so he just smiled. “Yes.”
Caine looked at him once again and then with a quick smile sat down and started to explain his plans.
Two hours later, Cellio was impressed and exhausted. Caine had thought this through and had even offered to contact other forensic specialists to guest lecture.
“Mr. Caine, I must say that I’m impressed. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this collaboration, but now I can truly say that I’m looking forward to it and that your engagement will be a huge asset to this university.”
The stunned look on Caine’s face surprised him, as did the tentative, almost shy smile that appeared afterwards. Caine had presented himself as a confident, strong man, but looking at the other man now, Salvatore Cellio realized that what he had seen so far had been nothing but a carefully constructed mask.
They would be working closely together over the next couple of months, he mused as he watched Caine leave his office. In time he hoped he would get to know the man behind the mask; from what he had seen he was sure it was worth it.
---
*Chapter 5 – Past Returning*
*Las Vegas*
“I’m fine Eric, really, I was just outside and had forgotten to bring the phone with me.” Horatio still sounded out of breath, but Eric heard nothing of the exhaustion he had detected in previous calls. Leaning back against Danny’s chest, Eric allowed himself to relax further and he smiled contently when he felt Danny’s hand caressing his hair.
It felt as if his lover was stroking a big cat, Eric thought and the idea made him grin.
“Outside?” The last time they had talked, Horatio had been staying in a hotel and had complained about the slightly run down look of his room. Now he was somewhere outside and had forgotten his phone?
“I got a house.” Horatio’s words took Eric aback for a moment and he tensed.
“You bought a house? So you plan on staying in Princeton, you’re not going back to Miami?”
His voice sounded almost harsh and feeling Danny’s eyes on him, Eric looked at his partner while he waited for Horatio to answer. He had to calm down, Danny’s eyes told him and Eric knew that he had no right to be angry at Horatio for leaving Miami, not after Eric himself had left.
“I never planned on going back. You told me once that there was nothing left there for you, and neither is there for me.” Now Horatio suddenly sounded subdued again and Eric felt like a heel.
“Sorry H, I didn’t want to sound judgmental, I’m just surprised.”
Horatio laughed quietly, but still audibly and the sound alone made Eric smile. It had been a long time since he had heard his friend laugh.
“Believe me, I’m surprised too. I never planned on staying...” Horatio trailed off and when he spoke again, Eric could hear excitement in his voice. “They offered me a lecturer role at Princeton University...”
Listening to Horatio explain what the class would be about, Eric could almost see his friend and mentor standing in front of a group of students. Horatio had always been a great mentor and Eric had no doubt that he would be a great teacher too.
“You’re perfect for the role. Sounds as if they had designed it just for you. I’m so happy for you.” None of his slight misgivings had remained and Eric was simply happy for Horatio.
“You know, I think I might actually find a new home here.” Horatio’s voice sounded surprised and Eric understood only too well. He had been running away without expecting to find a home just like Horatio and just like his friend, Eric had found one completely unexpectedly.
“I’m glad.” It was a simple statement, but a heartfelt one. Eric felt Danny’s arms around him as he listened to Horatio describing the house he had rented, the woes of the Trenton Lab and the people he had met so far and even after they had said goodbye, Horatio’s final words still flittered through his mind.
It’s time I started to live again
---
*Philadelphia*
Lilly was at her desk when Lieutenant Stillman walked over towards her and Scotty. His eyes were serious as he looked at them but they softened for a moment when he looked at Scotty. Lilly smiled mentally and as always silently basked in the love that seemed to simmer in the air whenever Scotty and her boss were in the same room. They didn’t know that she knew, and one day she might tell them how happy she was for them, but somehow the timing had never seemed right.
“I received a call from Trenton PD; they found a bullet that matches one of our old cases.” Stillman handed Lilly a thick file and explained while she started to leaf through the papers and looked at the pictures showing a middle aged good looking man.
“On October 24 1994, Robert D. Overstreet, the lead partner of PriceWaterhouseCoopers’s Philadelphia office left his office to visit a client. When he didn’t arrive on time the client called his assistant who tried to contact Overstreet in vain. When he didn’t return in the evening and didn’t show up all night, his wife filed a missing person’s report. Ten days later police found an abandoned car on the east side of the river. They searched the area and found Overstreet shot dead about a mile away. Because of who he was, there was widespread media coverage and a considerable effort was put into finding his killer. Unfortunately we never did find any leads into his death.”
Scotty had listened intently and Lilly could see how her partner was frowning. “And now Trenton PD found new evidence.”
His voice was dubious, the emphasis on the word Trenton and Lilly understood why. Trenton PD’s lab didn’t have the best reputation and the thought that help on an old case would come from a lab which had been embroiled in a huge scandal only months ago was certainly enough for a bit of doubt.
“They’ve got a new guy working for them on a contracting basis. He used to head Miami Dade’s lab, and from what Anderson told me he’s one of the top forensic specialists in the country.”
“That’s good news.” Scotty was still not convinced, but Lilly saw that Stillman’s words had made an impact on her partner.
“He’ll support us in the investigation and will come over in the afternoon. I just wanted to give you a head’s up.” Lilly smiled at her boss knowing that his words were more for Scotty who had a tendency to act quite cold towards outsiders.
Stillman went back to this office and Lilly grinned mentally as she caught Scotty ogling her boss’s backside. She gave him a moment to enjoy the sight before she got up and handed him the file. “Let’s start reading before this CSI guy arrives.”
---
*Princeton*
“So, you’re going to Philly this afternoon?” Wilson didn’t look at Horatio as he checked out the selection of plates moving past him until he found the tuna sushi he liked so much. Only when the plate was safely in front of him he turned his head and looked at his friend. Horatio smiled lightly and reached for another salmon sashimi, and then looked at it critically before he doused it liberally with soy sauce and nodded.
“Yeah, their lab is apparently backed up and Anderson asked me if I would have time. Seems like he owes someone at their PD a favor and I’ve got the time.”
The comment made Wilson grin before he shook his head. “Horatio, you’re in the middle of planning a new university course plus you have been working on several cases for Trenton PD and you call that having time? You know that you’re a workaholic, don’t you?”
“Takes one to know one.” Horatio was grinning too and poured himself some green tea, then gestured to the waitress for some more. “You want some too? It’s relaxing...”
“Relaxing? It’s tea, Horatio.”
The words were barely out of his mouth, when Horatio laughed. “You’re starting to sound like your friend. Who doesn’t seem to like me very much, by the way.”
Wilson had noticed that too and now he shrugged casually. “It’s nothing personal, Greg just doesn’t like people.”
“You’re his friend, aren’t you? So he must like you.”
He smiled bitterly at Horatio’s words. He couldn’t say that he believed in them, and more often than not he thought that House didn’t like him, just kept him around for convenience purposes.
“James? You ok?” Horatio’s eyes were concerned and Wilson forced a smile onto his face.
“House and I have a complicated relationship.” Again he couldn’t hide the hint of bitterness in his voice and eyes, and mentally he snorted. Complicated was one way to describe it, pathetic another.
“Why do you say that? Robert told me that you’re the only one that makes House become human.”
“Because he’s keeping me around to buy him lunch and coffee, you mean? Or because I don’t work for him and therefore can stand up to him?” Speaking his thoughts out loud was surprisingly relieving and with a sigh Wilson looked at Horatio to find the other man looking at him intently. “I call him my friend but sometimes I’m not sure if he isn’t my worst enemy.”
Horatio picked another plate with salmon sashimi, but continued to look at Wilson intently even while he picked up a piece of fish with his chopsticks. “He doesn’t strike me as someone who keeps somebody around if he doesn’t want that person around.”
The simple words made Wilson swallow hard, but with a sigh he shook his head. He could see that Horatio was still watching him, and waited for his friend to make another comment. When he didn’t, Wilson remembered the plan he had made last night and smiled at Horatio.
“What are you doing this weekend?”
Horatio didn’t show any confusion at the sudden change of topic and Wilson was glad that his friend let him change the topic, even gave him an answer. “Nothing really, why?”
“I’ve got to go to New York on Saturday and I thought you might be interested in joining me.” Weird as it was, Wilson rarely ever went to New York, even though he lived barely an hour away from the city. But he needed new suits and he liked the thought of spending some time in the Big Apple.
Horatio had tensed he noticed suddenly, but the expression in his face was neutral when he answered. “Sounds good, you want to go in the morning when there are fewer people around?”
“Fine with me, you want to drive or take the train?” Wilson hadn’t finished the sentence when he noticed the complete look of shock on Horatio’s face and he grinned. “I forgot, you don’t do public transport. We’ll drive.”
---
*Philadelphia*
“We have literally lost all credibility with the cops and other departments.”
Michael’s words were running through Horatio’s mind as he noticed the slightly suspicious looks from the two members of Philly’s cold case squad. Detectives Valens and Rush were polite and friendly, but at the same time they didn’t hide the fact that they didn’t expect him to be of any support.
It annoyed him, the fact that they had such little faith in him and the lab, but at the same time he understood them and remembered what he had told Michael a while ago.
All we can do is prove to them that we’re better than the previous team.
His competitive nature was woken by Valens’ barely disguised distrust he realized and with more of a flourish than usual, he started to explain what he had found. “We extracted the bullet from a dead body found in a crack house; he had been shot three times and the weapon had been discarded. Testing of the bullets matched the extrication marks to the one that killed Overstreet. Additionally, we analyzed the gun, of course any prints found have no interest for you, but we managed to restore the serial number and through that traced an owner.”
Valens looked up and for the first time since Horatio had met him, he saw respect in the other man’s eyes. “An owner?”
“The gun was registered to a Marc Salomone. He still lives in Philly.” Horatio handed Valens the printout with the address. “According to the records he bought the gun in 1989. So he might have been the owner of it in 1994.”
Valens was silent for a moment while he studied the information on the sheet of paper, then he looked up and smiled. “Lieutenant Stillman said that you offered your help in this case. Would you like to take a look at the evidence that was collected at Overstreet’s crime scene?”
It was as close to an apology as he would get, Horatio knew, and it made him smile a little as Valens’ attitude and manners reminded him of Eric and his grudging acceptance of Ryan and Natalia.
“That would be great. Is your lab in the same building?”
Rush shook her head and with a smile offered Horatio to show him the way to the evidence and the lab. “Scotty can you and Vera check out Mr. Salmon? I’ll show Mr. Caine the lab and then go and have a talk with Mrs. Overstreet.”
“How do you like Trenton?” Rush’s question was friendly, and Horatio saw that she wasn’t just asking to make conversation, but because she really wanted to know.
“I don’t live in Trenton.” She looked at him questioningly and he continued while he followed her through the rows of boxes in the evidence archive. “I live in Princeton, which is really a nice community.”
Rush nodded and laughed. “It’s nice but it makes me feel old when I go there. It’s so full of students.”
He knew what she meant, especially with him being around ten years older than her. Nodding at her he grinned. “I’ll be teaching a class together with two professors from Princeton University this summer and I think that’s when I’ll really start feeling old.”
“You’ll be teaching?” Rush sounded intrigued, but after a moment she looked at him with a smile. “I can actually see that. You have the lecturer mode down to perfection.”
Horatio couldn’t help but blush a slight bit as he remembered how he had lectured Rush’s partner just minutes ago. She laughed at his sheepish expression. “Don’t worry, we both had it coming with our attitude. But you have to understand, we’ve had some very bad experiences with the previous Trenton lab team.”
Horatio understood her, but he also saw the other side. Michael had an uphill battle ahead of himself and the inexperienced team was only making that struggle harder. So he smiled at Rush as she kneeled down to grab a case box. “I know, but give the new guys a chance, will you?”
Handing him the box, she frowned. “You’re here, aren’t you?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to point out to her that he wasn’t part of the lab, but he remained silent because whether he wanted to or not, he already felt a sense of responsibility for the young team he was consulting with.
“Can I take the evidence back to Trenton or do you want me to work in your lab?” Rush shrugged, but didn’t answer until they had left the vault. She reached for her cell phone and Horatio heard her consult with someone on the phone before she smiled at him.
“Just don’t lose it on the way.”
Horatio didn’t bother to grace that comment with an answer and signed the sheet the officer on duty gave him. Smiling at Rush once more, he headed towards the door.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I know more.”
---
*Princeton*
“Ok Chase, you’re done. Good workout today.” Chase only groaned when Sybil pushed him towards the changing room. Every muscle in his upper body hurt. He hated how weak he felt every single time. Sybil told him that he was making progress, but to him the progress seemed to be miniscule and painful.
Leaning back against the wall, Chase rested his back for a moment before he forced himself to get up. He needed to shower and change, but right now even the idea of lifting his arms seemed too much to ask. Sighing silently, he had grabbed the hem of his shirt, when two arms came around him and pulled him towards a strong chest.
“Need help?” Eric’s voice was tender and Chase immediately leaned back against his lover. Eric chuckled quietly and Chase felt nimble hands on his shirt. Instead of opening it though, Eric caressed him through the fabric and when Chase shivered he kissed his neck gently.
“Let’s get out of here. I want to spoil you and I can’t do that in the changing room.”
Chase could hear the love in Eric’s words and shivered slightly in anticipation. It was almost a week since Eric had shown up at his apartment and despite having spent as much time together as possible they hadn’t done anything but kiss and cuddle. Of course it was hard to do anything else with his arm in a cast, but now that cast was gone and Chase really wanted more.
“Spoil me?” When Eric grinned, Chase knew that he hadn’t been able to hide the desire in his voice.
“I was thinking of a massage, of some nice music, a good glass of wine...” Chase purred as Eric’s hands slowly ran over his back and then moved back up before even coming close to his butt.
“You ready?”
Grinning at the double entrée in Eric’s words, Chase nodded. “Born ready.”
---
“Had lunch with Caine?” House already knew the answer, but he wanted to see how Jimmy reacted to his question, wanted to see if Jimmy would lie to him.
“Yes.” Jimmy didn’t deny it, but at the same time didn’t elaborate either and with a frown House followed him towards his office.
“And when is the wedding?”
This time Jimmy glared at him, before he sighed and closed the door behind House. “Why are you so against my friendship with Horatio?”
“Cause you don’t have time for me anymore.” There were many advantages to his outward image of being a grumpy bastard; one of them was the fact that he could tell the truth and no one believed him.
“God, how old are you, three?” Jimmy simply shook his head and sighed.
House wanted to needle him some more, but decided to let it go and thinking of the weekend ahead, he smiled at Jimmy with his friendliest smile. “Want to go to Luigi’s on Saturday?”
Jimmy nodded and for a short moment, House’s world was ok again, but then Jimmy frowned and shook his head. “Actually I wanted to go up to New York, so can we do Sunday?”
Knowing that Jimmy was most likely going to shop for clothes and shoes, House chuckled. “Spoiling the girl in you? Sure Sunday is fine too.”
“So what you have for me?” It was time to get back to business from Jimmy’s tone and House immediately sat down in one of the chairs in Jimmy’s office. His current case was a difficult one and as he started to explain the patient’s symptoms he still was confused about the cause and the treatment necessary.
“It doesn’t sound like a tumor or anything cancer related to me, actually the symptoms seem to point towards an allergy.” House frowned and shook his head.
“Really, Jimmy don’t you think we tried that, give us some credit, really. You’re not the resident genius or at least not the only one.”
Jimmy just rolled his eyes and continued chatting about the allergy idea. House loved their little brain storming sessions, not only because Jimmy was the only real sounding board he had, but also because in these moments, he had Jimmy all to himself and no one, not even Cuddy, dared to interrupt them.
---
*Philadelphia*
“He wants to do what?”
“He wants to sit in on the interview and participate; actually I think he wants to lead the interview.” Scotty frowned at Lilly first and then at John before he shook his head.
“Why are we even discussing this? Come on, the guy isn’t Philly PD, he isn’t even Trenton PD. He’s a contractor.”
Lilly and John shared a quick look before John nodded. “That’s true, but it’s also true that without Caine we would have no lead at all. He’s given us the gun and now he’s presented us a suspect’s head on a platter so to speak. I guess that warrants us at least considering him sitting in.”
John was right. They had tracked down the owner of the gun only to realize that he had notified the police of its theft months before Overstreet had been shot. The then thirty year old man had had absolutely no connection to the powerful manager and they quickly had had to dismiss him as a viable suspect. It had looked bleak when Caine had called and informed them about a DNA match he had found. So maybe Caine had a reason to sit in the interview...
Looking at his lover, Scotty could see the determination in the blue eyes and he sighed. “You’re the boss.”
---
Sally Olson was in her mid-thirties, blond and petite and obviously completely bewildered as to why she had been asked to come to the police station. Looking from Horatio to Rush she shook her head and finally focused on Horatio.
“Why am I here?”
He smiled and a part of him wanted to answer her question with one of his own, but this was Rush’s show and so he simply inclined his head and looked at Rush who fixed Olson with her eyes.
“What can you tell me about Robert Overstreet?”
Within seconds, Olson’s face lost all the healthy color and she swallowed hard, before she faked a laugh. “Wow, that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.”
Rush didn’t answer and after a moment of silence, Olson sighed. “He was my boss so to speak. I was an intern at PriceWaterhouseCoopers and he was the lead partner on the audit of one of my clients. We saw each other in the office and on a few occasions he came out to the client, but that’s it. I haven’t thought about him for ages. What is this about?”
“Robert Overstreet was murdered fifteen years ago. He was killed by a gunshot to the head execution style right after he left the office. You were an intern then, and you’re telling me that you’ve never thought about him?”
Olson shrugged. “Not specifically, no. As I said, it wasn’t like we were friends.”
Horatio couldn’t remain silent anymore and after a quick look at Rush he shook his head. “Maybe you weren’t friends, but you certainly had sex with him.”
Olson paled even more as Horatio pushed a sheet towards her. “This is the result of DNA we found on Mr. Overstreet’s underwear. It matches a reference sample from you in CODIS. Now why don’t you start again?”
Horatio watched as Olson stared at the piece of paper in front of her. For a long time she seemed to think, then finally she sighed and nodded. “You’re right, we did have an affair. He was powerful, I was young... it was a classic office romance, you know. We would meet in empty meeting rooms, or sneak away for a lunch date, but it was nothing serious...”
“Did you want it to be?” Rush’s voice was hard as she fixed Olson and continued. “Did you want him to be more than just the office lover?”
Olson looked up and for the first time since she had been questioned about Overstreet she smiled. “Me and Bob becoming more? No way. He was married and I had a steady boyfriend. It really was just sex, good sex and every once in a while he’d invite me to a fancy restaurant, but hey, I was twenty and he was forty-three...”
Boyfriend? Horatio wanted to ask her about the boyfriend, when Rush beat him to it. “Did your boyfriend know?”
“Sean?” Olson looked surprised at the thought and then shrugged. “I don’t think so; I mean he didn’t even know Bob.”
“Have you ever owned a gun?” Horatio was taken aback when Valens suddenly spoke from the side of the room where he stood. The other cop had watched the interview silently so far and Horatio had gotten the distinct feeling that Valens wasn’t really in favor of Horatio being a part of the interview.
Olson looked up sharply and shook her head. “No I haven’t and I didn’t kill Bob. I liked the guy, he was good fun.”
---
*Princeton*
“So now they’re looking at the boyfriend for the murder?” Bernstein took a gulp of his beer and looked at Horatio who nodded.
“Yes, they think that he might have known about her having an affair with Overstreet and he was working in the gun owner’s house around the time of the theft.” Horatio was nursing his own beer and smiled. “He had motive and opportunity, now it’s up to Philly’s team to find out if he did it.”
In the few weeks since Bernstein had met Horatio at the scene of Chase’s attack, the redhead had changed drastically. Gone was the haggard looking man, gone was the permanent exhaustion that had clung to Horatio, instead he looked almost happy.
It was a good look for the other man and Bernstein couldn’t help but grin at Horatio. “So you’re working for Trenton not even a week and already Anderson is loaning you out... You’d better watch it, or before you know it he’ll be making you head of the lab.”
Horatio laughed. “I doubt that, he doesn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with the university and I’d be working full time at the lab. I couldn’t do the seminar with Cellio.”
Having heard some bits and pieces, but nothing concrete about the new course, Bernstein was immediately intrigued. “So what’s this course all about?”
Horatio explained and while he delved into details and preparation, Bernstein noted once more how the other man suddenly seemed to be so much more alive than before. It was clear that Horatio loved teaching and looked forward to the challenge of working with some of the smartest minds in the field of engineering and law. Hearing one name come up more than once, Bernstein frowned.
“Cellio? He’s the head of the School of Engineering and Applied Science isn’t he?” Seeing Horatio’s surprised look, Bernstein laughed. “Hey, Princeton is a small enough community that you know the names of the up and coming stars in their fields.”
“Up and coming stars?” Now it was Horatio who frowned. “He’s the head of his department, how much higher up can he go?”
Surprised at both the question and the honesty with which Horatio asked, Bernstein was quiet for a moment, then he looked directly at Horatio. “Nobel Prize high, Horatio, that’s what these guys are working for.”
Horatio stared at him stunned and then swallowed hard. “I never realized that he was that highly acclaimed. He’s such a normal guy, you know. Really easy to be around.”
If the rumors Bernstein had heard about Cellio were true, then he was probably more than just easy to be around, and Bernstein grinned slightly which caused Horatio to look at him with a raised eyebrow. “What is it you’re not saying?”
“Nothing.” Bernstein’s quick response only made Horatio look at him closer and with a sigh, Bernstein gave in. “It’s just that according to the rumors in town, Cellio likes to play on both sides of the fence and he’s well, he’s an attractive guy.”
Horatio stared at him for a long time before he shook his head in disbelief. “What are you trying to tell me?”
He was probably blushing like hell, but it would be worth it, Bernstein thought and with a grin, he shrugged and winked at Horatio. “Hey, all I’m saying is you could do worse than him in this town.”
And yep, there it was, the one million dollar look of consternation on Horatio’s face.
---
He had just fallen into the twilight zone, Horatio thought as he tried to process the fact that Detective Mike Bernstein had just tried to set him up with Professor Salvatore Cellio. For a moment he tried to wrap his head around it and then gave up. It was way too surreal.
“Horatio.” A hand on his made him look up and he met Bernstein’s suddenly concerned eyes. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Seeing the genuine concern there, Horatio smiled and shook his head. “You didn’t. I’m just surprised I guess at how easy you’re taking this.”
Bernstein shrugged. “One of my best friends is gay and in the closet and believe me he hurts. Apart from that I don’t care what you do in your spare time as long as it isn’t illegal...”
The evening had turned out to be much more interesting than Horatio had thought it would be, and although he didn’t really think he would ever pursue anything with Professor Cellio, he knew that he would look differently at the other man the next time he saw him.
“So, are you interested in a new relationship?” The question sounded rude, but again the open friendship in Bernstein’s eyes made Horatio think instead of just get up and walk away and after a moment he shrugged.
“I’m not sure. I’ve only really fallen in love three times in my life and all three times it ended badly, so I guess I’m scarred and scared.”
Bernstein nodded slowly and then sighed. “Yeah, I understand what you mean.”
Horatio remembered then that Bernstein had lost his wife to cancer right before he had left Miami and with a new understanding he looked at the dark skinned cop. “I guess you do.”
Bernstein smiled against the suddenly somber mood and raised his glass. “You still in contact with people back in Miami?”
And just like that there was a better mood and they exchanged news about people. Horatio told Bernstein about Eric and Calleigh and their new careers and lives while Bernstein gave him an update on Trip and others from the police force.
---
They split the tab and on the drive back home, Bernstein thought about the conversation he’d just had with Horatio. They were on the way to become friends, he realized and he liked that thought, liked Horatio and for the first time he understood what his friend had always said about Horatio Caine.
He’s a good man through and through.
And as he arrived at his house, Bernstein called his friend and told him where Horatio was.
---
*Chapter 6 – Visits*
*New York*
He hadn’t been in New York for fun in ages, Horatio thought as Wilson parked his car in one of the multi-story car parks at the periphery of the city. He’d been there for work a couple of times, but he had never had time to enjoy the city he had once loved so much.
Today though would be different, he knew. They had left Princeton around eight, so that it was barely ten in the morning when they finally stepped into the subway.
“Your shops won’t be open yet, you know that don’t you?”
James laughed. “Of course, but we’re going for brunch first anyway.”
New York and its brunches... When he had still lived in New York, he had never really understood the fascination that the New Yorkers seemed to have with the notion of eating overpriced scrambled eggs and drinking Bloody Maries at 10am. Now though as he sat at opposite James on in the classy, but intimate restaurant overlooking the lake in Central Park, he smiled.
“I could get used to that.”
James shrugged. “I like my creature comforts and brunch at the Boathouse is certainly a nice treat.”
“Did you ever live in New York?” James shook his head at Horatio’s question and then grinned. “I’ve got a standing offer to work at Memorial Hospital, but so far I haven’t been tempted.”
“Not a city person?”
James shrugged. “I like New York just fine, but I wouldn’t want to live here. It’s too hectic, you know. My job is stressful anyway and I like the slower pace of Princeton as a contrast. You lived here, didn’t you?”
Horatio felt the smile slide off his face. He didn’t have good memories about New York and had avoided going back as much as he could. “I did and I almost ended up back here, before I got side-tracked in Princeton.”
He could feel James’ eyes on him for a moment, then the other man looked at his coffee. “Why did you want to go back, when you so clearly weren’t happy in New York?”
“I didn’t know where else to go and it seemed like a good choice at the time.”
A part of him hoped that James would drop the issue, while another part silently wanted to talk. It was a very ambivalent feeling and Horatio hated feeling conflicted. He was deep in thoughts when he felt a hand on his and instinctively flinched. James let go immediately, but Horatio saw the moment of surprised hurt in the other’s eyes.
“Sorry, I’m...” Stopping James’ apology, Horatio shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, I just was lost in thoughts.”
James smiled, but before he could say anything, their food arrived. They both dug in and Horatio nodded with delight. “This is great.”
“Yeah, we need all our strength for the shopping trip.”
James’ words were so cheesy, that Horatio laughed out loudly. “You sound like a girl.”
“Hey, I take my suits seriously and if the way you were dressed last week is any indication, so do you.” Horatio could deny James’ comments and so he just nodded. When his eyes suddenly fell on an abandoned newspaper on the table next to them.
Wall Street Butcher claims his next victim
The screaming headline made Horatio tense as he remembered the call with Mac earlier this week. He had asked his friend if he had time to meet up, but Mac had denied.
“We need to catch this guy, he’s not going to stop on his own.” Mac had sounded completely exhausted and Horatio had felt for him. He knew that serial killers always were hard on the police force’s morale, but in New York with its media frenzy it was even worse.
“Horatio?” James looked confused and Horatio pointed towards the newspapers.
“I wanted to meet up with a friend, but he’s busy.”
James craned his neck and then paled when he read the headline. “I have no idea how you manage to do your job and remain human.”
The openness of James’ words made Horatio shrug, then he smiled. “The same way, you can endure and go on after a day of treating people with a terminal illness.”
For a moment they both were silent, and finished their food. James waved at the waiter and ordered two Bloody Marys. Horatio looked at him and raised an eyebrow which James answered with a grin.
“You can’t go for brunch in New York and not have a Bloody Mary.”
---
*Princeton*
House hated Saturdays, oh, of course he hated Sundays too, but since it was Saturday he concentrated on his hatred for that one day. Saturdays were the days when the shops were too full and crowded with happy people. He much preferred to shop on a Monday night where everyone looked at grumpy as he did.
Saturdays with their smiling couples and families in the shops gave him creeps.
Especially if he had to go shopping alone and without Jimmy to accompany him. At least nagging at his best friend and riling him up, gave House some joy, but this was just plain boring.
Grumbling to himself, he opened the trunk of his car and dumped his purchases into it when the sound of a familiar voice calling his name from the other side of the car made him look up.
“House?” Cuddy smiled at him as if she was happy to see him and while he could barely contain a growl at the sight of his boss.
“Well, hello there, now I’ve just found out how a perfectly boring Saturday can get even worse.”
Any other boss would have probably fired him on the spot for such a comment, but Cuddy just looked at him with this annoyingly maternal look that said. I know you’re just acting out because you’re actually hurting. It was the look that always made him want to throw a temper tantrum like a little child, and he was sorely tempted to do exactly that in the middle of a parking lot.
“Why are you not in New York with Wilson?”
Her words interrupted any thoughts of throwing things on the tarmac, and he shrugged playing nonchalantly. “Last I checked, we were not attached by the hip and he’s a free man.”
He’d love to be attached to Jimmy, although not necessarily by the hip and certainly not permanently, but for a short term, but of course he didn’t tell Cuddy that. It would only ruin his image after all.
Cuddy smiled and House already hoped that he had successfully deterred her from her quest to annoy him, when she spoke again.
“I guess, you didn’t want to feel like the fifth wheel, with Caine going too. I can understand that.” There was something calculating in the way she said it, but House didn’t notice. He had a hard time not to react to what he had just heard.
Jimmy had gone to New York with Caine and he hadn’t told House.
Of course House hadn’t really asked, but that was besides the point and why hadn’t Jimmy said anything? Why hadn’t he asked House to go to New York?
He turned away from Cuddy and got into his car without another word. He wanted to go home and sulk, and he certainly didn’t want to see or hear from Jimmy.
---
Cuddy watched House drive away and sighed. She wasn’t sure whether her attempt at match making had been successful. Sure House had looked devastated at the news that Wilson had gone to New York with Caine, but at the same time he had looked even more determined at closing himself off.
It had sounded like a good idea in her head when she had thought about it. But watching the car drive away with at higher than allowed speed, she suddenly realized the flaw in her theory.
She had thought that every normal red-blooded male would react to a threat to his turf by attacking and finally grabbing what he had wanted for so long.
And the catch was in the phrase ‘normal red-blooded male’, because of course House was anything but normal.
---
*New York*
“I can’t believe you ended up buying more than I did.”
Looking at the three suits that Horatio had gently placed in the back of his car, Wilson shook his head. He had known of course that Horatio liked fine clothes, the man was always impeccably dressed after all, and yet, he hadn’t expected Horatio to throw himself into the shopping experience the way he had.
Horatio laughed at Wilson’s comment and shrugged. “I enjoyed it. Enjoyed having time for myself and not having to care about anything, but which kind of cut my suit needs to have.”
“You never had much time for yourself, didn’t you?” Wilson didn’t phrase it as a question, he knew he was right and Horatio simply shrugged in an answer.
“Miami never closes.”
The short sentence said it all and Wilson understood Horatio only too well. His patients were always there, and neither illness nor the cancer cells knew the meaning of the word holiday, but Wilson had learned long ago, that he needed to take time outs every once in a while. He had realized that unless he gave himself time to be, he would break down and burn out.
Horatio had learned that too, it seemed, and Wilson smiled as he looked at his friend. “Princeton and Trenton don’t close either, but that’s why we work in teams, you know? Everybody needs a break once in a while, because if we don’t take time outs, we break ourselves.”
Wilson watched while Horatio got into the car and for a while his friend was silent until they were almost out of the city, but when Horatio spoke he said something completely different from what Wilson had expected.
“Did you know that I lived in New York? That I grew up in New York?”
Surprised and slightly taken aback, but the sudden change of topic Wilson shook his head. “No, I had no idea. Oh god and here I go and play travel guide… I feel a bit stupid right now.”
Horatio shook his head and looked intently at him. “Don’t, James, please don’t. This is the first time since before I left that I remembered why I love this city so much.”
Confused, Wilson frowned and Horatio smiled before he continued. “I’ve seen too much of its darkness and I had too many bad memories to really enjoy New York anymore. You’ve given me something that I never really had, the New York of the tourists, the New York that the world loves.”
Wilson swallowed hard at the gratitude in Horatio’s words, he had always seen New York like this, had always loved his day or weekend trips to the big city and in all the years he had visited, he had not once seen the dark underbelly which Horatio had spoken off.
Wilson’s New York was a New York in which he went for brunches in central park, and dinners in fancy restaurants, a place where he spent thousands of dollars on suits and clothes and where he spoiled himself with some spa treatments. It was a place he went to attend a gallery opening or a play, a place where he went to a new exhibit in the Metropolitan Museum and watched the premier of a new opera at the Met.
It was fancy, glittering and glamorous and it was all that Horatio’s description wasn’t. Once more, he realized what a protected life he led and how despite all the pain and suffering he saw in his job, he really had no concept of what real evil was.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
The words sounded flat to him, but Horatio seemed to understand it and smiled. “I have and I have you to thank for.”
Sometimes there were moments, where Wilson wasn’t sure if Horatio was flirting with him, and the thought made his blood run cold. It wasn’t that he found Horatio unattractive, on the contrary, but his heart belonged to House.
“You ok?” Horatio had his eyes on the road, but his voice showed the sudden concern and after a moment of contemplation, Wilson decided to go for the complete truth.
“I’m never sure if you flirt with me or not.”
He saw how Horatio’s hands on the steering wheel tightened for a moment, before he relaxed again. “I’m not.”
It was the truth, Wilson could hear that, but at the same time he also could see and hear that Horatio felt uncomfortable, but before he could question his friend, Horatio already spoke again.
“I didn’t flirt with you, but I’m not entirely straight. Is that going to be a problem in the long run?”
Surprised at Horatio’s honesty, Wilson couldn’t help but stare at his friend for a moment, and then he smiled widely. “No, it won’t.”
He could see the relief in Horatio’s eyes, and without thinking much, he reached out and touched his friend’s shoulder wanting to reassure him. “I like you, Horatio, you’re a friend and there isn’t much that you can to that will change that.”
For a moment he fell silent before he snorted slightly. “I’m as loyal as a puppy as House told me once,”
Horatio tensed for a moment, and then shook his head. “Loyalty is something wonderful, James. It’s what makes the difference between having a friend and having an acquaintance.”
“I know, I just sometimes wish I’d be stronger. It’s like once I like someone, it doesn’t matter what that person does. It doesn’t matter if he gets me fired or almost killed... I’m still his friend.”
He hadn’t realized that he had switched from the anonymous pronoun to the more telling ‘he’, but one look at Horatio told him that he had slipped. Horatio was silent for a moment and then with a smile he quickly looked at Wilson before he once more concentrated on the road.
“House?”
Seeing no reason to lie, Wilson nodded and Horatio frowned. “What’s the deal between you and him?”
For a moment, Wilson was tempted to tell Horatio the half-truths that he’d been telling everyone for a long time, when he realized that he was talking to a friend, someone who might understand him, someone who might even help him find a way out of the corner he had been stuck for a long time.
“I’m in love with him.”
Horatio didn’t react, almost as if he had already guessed it and as if Wilson’s admission had been a confirmation instead of a revelation. Wilson was grateful at the calm acceptance of his feelings, but he tensed when he heard Horatio’s next question.
“And House?”
There were many answers that Wilson could have given Horatio. He could have spoken about their long friendship, about how he was one of the few people that House called a friend or even about how their relationship had been before the infarction, but in the end he once more told Horatio the truth.
“He tolerates me.”
---
*Princeton*
Chase felt comfortably warm and tired as moved a bit and put his head on Eric’s shoulder. The light was low, they had started to watch a movie a while ago, but while Chase had been interested in the plot at the beginning, it had soon lost its appeal and now he concentrated on staying awake and watching Eric’s face.
“You see something you like?” Eric’s grin was infectious and Chase smiled back immediately before he let his eyes roam provocatively over Eric’s body.
“Plenty, but all of it way too covered.”
Eric laughed and then without a second glance at the TV screen where Vin Diesel was beating up somebody, he turned towards Chase and pulled him closer. Chase smiled as he felt Eric’s broad chest against his, but before he could really enjoy the closeness, Eric gently pushed him away.
“We’re more comfortable in bed.”
Chase couldn’t help but moan at the loss of warmth against his body, but he knew that Eric was right. His shoulder was still sore and his body still recovering to a certain degree. It put some limits on their lovemaking, but as Chase had found out that Eric was surprisingly flexible and inventive, if Chase provided enough incentives.
“You coming?”
Chase groaned, but bit back the obvious reply and without words followed his lover towards his bedroom. Eric was already leaning against the wall as Chase walked through the door and Chase grinned as he saw the saucy light in his lover’s eyes. “What are you up to now?”
Wiggling his hips, Eric smiled back. “Want a striptease?”
Oh god, Chase’s mouth got dry at the suddenly sensual and yet still teasingly light movements that Eric made. He tried for an answer but all he got out was a grunt. It seemed to be enough as Eric laughed and gently pushed Chase towards the bed.
“Enjoy the show...”
It had come as a surprise to Chase that Eric like to play in bed, that he saw sex as something fun. In the short time that he and Eric had been together, Chase had laughed more in bed than he had with all his previous partners combined.
---
Foreman felt Chase’s eyes on him as he removed his shirt and he could barely suppress a shiver because the blue eyes roamed over his chest in an almost tangible caress. It was a heavy look, but before Foreman could respond to it, Chase slowly got up and started to remove his shirt too.
Chase’s movement was a bit more clumsy due to his injury, but nevertheless Foreman’s breath caught as the muscular chest was revealed bit by bit. Chase was beautiful and Foreman smiled as he sauntered closer to the bed. Chase moaned and then got a fierce look in his eyes. “Strip next time, get naked, now.”
The heated look and the passion in Chase’s voice had Foreman literally jump out of his pants and remaining clothes. Chase matched him item by item and soon they were naked. Foreman lay down next to Chase on the bed and mindful of Chase’s injury, he pulled his lover close. Their eyes met for a second and then they moved closer almost simultaneously and Foreman moaned lightly as his lips met Chases.
He was addicted to Chase’s kisses and he loved tasting the other man. Chase moaned into the kiss and Foreman turned them around so that he was covering Chase slightly holding himself so that he didn’t put any weight on Chase’s hurt side.
“Touch me.” Chase’s voice was heavy with desire and the underlying plea was something that Foreman could never deny. He ached with desire and lust, and every time he looked at his lover, he just wanted him more.
"I want you to feel ecstasy" With these words he started to explore Chase’s body and carefully, more tenderly than he had ever touched another person, he caressed the other man’s face.
He remembered how he insecure he had been on their first night.
Do you like this? He had asked as he had traced a dark eyebrow. What do you like? What brings you pleasure?
Now though, he knew more and even though he certainly couldn’t claim to know everything about Chase, knew more and as their eyes met again he suddenly understood that somehow the knowledge was deep inside him and with a smile he began to pleasure Chase in earnest.
Strong hands touched soft flesh, soft lips bringing fire and love with them as they discovered angles and muscles, deep moans sounded through the room, love words whispered with hoarse voices, harsh breaths accelerating with the growing passion and finally a strangled cry as love and passion mingled and Chase lost himself and his control in the love and heat that Foreman had created just for him.
Trembling hands reached out to touch Foreman, seeking to return the incredible feelings, ensuring that their passion and love was indeed a shared one, blue eyes watching every change in breath and movement as Foreman fought to keep his control, keep his senses only to find that even the strongest control crumbled in the face of love and desire such as they felt and for the second time a cry sounded through the room as Foreman gave into his feelings and came...
As their breathing returned to normal, Foreman held Chase close in his arms. The younger man was sleeping soundly and so he had all the time to watch the man who had walked into his life and changed it so completely.
---
“Rick, come in.”
Mike Bernstein had known that Rick Stetler would come to Princeton the moment Mike had told him about Horatio’s whereabouts. He had known because whenever they had spoken in the last couple of months since Rick had left Miami, Rick had asked him about Horatio.
What Mike still didn’t understand though was why Rick was so intent on finding his former nemesis. He had his suspicions of course, but nothing solid and he was too much a cop to just rely on gut instinct.
“Mike, good to see you.” Rick sounded scarily formal and when Mike held the door open, he walked through and then stopped as if he didn’t know whether or not he was welcome.
Mike frowned at the uncharacteristic behavior. “You want a drink?”
Rick shook his head, but then seemed to reconsider and nodded. “Coffee or something?”
He sounded tired and as they stepped into the living room, Mike looked at his friend for the first time and gasped. “God, Rick what have you done to yourself?”
Rick was pale, haggard looking. He had lost weight to a degree that his clothes looked too big on the suddenly rail-thin body. His black hair stood out against the pale skin, making him look almost ill. Worst of all though were his eyes, eyes that had always been full of life, eyes that had spoken of Rick’s beliefs and his drive. Now they were empty and haunted.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Mike didn’t ask what Rick was talking about, he knew and with a sigh he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just...”
“You knew I was looking for him...” Rick’s voice trailed off as he moved to stand at the window and looked outside.
Mike didn’t know how to explain why he hadn’t told Rick that Horatio was in Princeton. If he was honest, he had no rational explanation, had acted simply on his gut feelings, that had told him that Horatio needed to find roots again, before he was once again confronted with his past.
“Why, Mike? Why?”
Rick’s voice sounded tired, exhausted and somehow resigned and Mike swallowed hard as guilt made his stomach churn.
“I don’t know. I just... He needed some peace and quiet time. He needed to find himself again.” A bitter sounding laugh from Rick stopped him and as he looked once more at his friend, Mike felt his heart constrict at the look of despair on Rick’s face.
“You could have told me to stay away, but why didn’t you tell me? I searched for him and at some point I was wondering if he...” Rick trailed off and walked back to the sofa. He sat down heavily and hid his face in his hands so that the next words were muffled and hard to understand. “I realized that if something had happened to him, I might never know. It’s not as if his friends would tell me...”
Mike could feel the blood drain from his face as he understood what Rick meant. Slowly he walked over to his friend and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry, Rick, I didn’t think that it would be so important to you. I...”
He trailed off when he felt Rick’s hand on his and looking up he met his friend’s dark eyes. There was resignation in the dark eyes and the ball of guilt in his stomach grew even more. “You didn’t think I’d care? Mike, I asked you about him every time we talked, what did you think just wanted some gossip?”
A part of Mike had been thinking exactly that, but a larger part had known that Rick cared and yet, he had felt responsible for Horatio too. “I’m sorry.”
Rick nodded slowly and looked at him directly. “How is he?”
---
While Mike told him about Horatio, Rick listened intently and yet a part of his mind wandered off as he started to contemplate what to do. He had left Miami with the intent on finding Horatio and persuading him to go back to Miami, go back to the lab, but the longer he listened to Mike, the more unsure he got.
If Horatio had really been that unhappy in Miami, if Miami really had almost broken him, what right did Rick have to drag him back? How could he try to persuade him to go back, especially knowing what Rick did?
“Rick?” Mike had stopped speaking and Rick realized that he had been silent for too long. “Are you ok?”
He couldn’t help the slightly bitter smile that crossed his face at Mike’s question, but at the honest concern in his friend’s eyes made him shrug. Mike looked at him quizzically and trying to sort out his thoughts, Rick finally put his thoughts in words.
“I wanted to persuade him to come back, but now you’re telling me he’s happy here, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
Mike smiled for a moment, then though he shook his head. “Rick, why would you want him to go back? You were never happy with the way he worked, the way he and his team worked...”
Rick’s treatment of Horatio and his team had been one of the few sore points in Mike and Rick’s friendship, but they had left the issue standing or as Mike had put it once; they had agreed to disagree.
“I might not have liked his disregard for rules, but I never doubted his effectiveness or the fact that he was the best thing that could have happened to the Miami lab.” Rick saw how Mike shook his head, but he forestalled his friend and shrugged.
“I know that I did a lot to derail his career, and while I did some of it to spite him, most of the investigations were not my idea. Didn’t you ever wonder why nothing ever came out of those investigations or why I never managed to make an accusation stick? Did you really think I was such a bad investigator?”
The last words were more than he had wanted to say and Mike looked at him sharply. “What are you saying Rick?”
Rick hesitated and then shook his head. “Nothing, forget it ok?”
Mike didn’t answer him, he simply looked at Rick for a while and then with a sigh, he reached out and clasped Rick’s shoulder.
“What happened?”
Rick saw the genuine wish to understand in Mike’s eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer just yet and so he looked away. “What do you mean?”
Soft, strong hands turned his head towards Mike and Rick felt himself captured in the dark eyes again. “Why did you leave? Why did you come here?”
Swallowing hard, Rick shrugged. “I told you, the city needs him.”
The slap of Mike’s hand on the leather couch resonated through the room and Rick startled as he looked at his friend who glared at him. “I’m not talking about Horatio. I’m talking about you. What happened Rick? You look terrible and something clearly has shaken you to your core.”
Rick mentally cursed his friend for knowing him so well, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell the complete truth yet. Couldn’t bring him to confess how he had been played and how useless he felt at having failed in the most important task he had given himself.
Agitated, Mike got up and Rick watched him fixated as he started to pace up and down in the small living room as he continued to talk.
“You know I don’t have to be a cop to understand that there are a lot of things that aren’t adding up even without your comment from before. You’ve changed Rick, and not just lately but a while ago.”
Mike sat down again and looked intently at “Let me show you how it all looks from my side. You’ve been Horatio and his team for years, harassing them, investigating them and yes, basically doing everything you could to get them fired. You’re right, you never made anything stick, but not for lack of trying.”
Rick wanted to interrupt, but Mike shook his head and continued his speech. “Then suddenly everything changes. First you let Horatio get off the hook with going off on his own to get revenge on his wife’s killer, then you are silent, completely silent when he comes back and resumes working. You stop harassing him and his team, and don’t even say anything even when Wolfe really screwed up.”
The memory of the last of Wolfe’s screw ups and the insinuation that he had tolerated it made Rick’s hackles rise and he frowned at his friend. “I led the investigation myself and Wolfe was reprimanded.”
Mike snorted at his answer. “He got a slap on his hands. The Rick Stetler I knew before would have had his job. And I know that you refused to start an investigation into how much Horatio knew...”
Rick wanted to say something, but Mike silenced him with one look before he resumed his pacing again. “Then Delko and Duquesne quit and instead of starting an investigation into why the entire lab suddenly is leaving, you do nothing until Horatio quits too.”
Mike seemed to run out of steam, but he recovered and standing in front of Rick, he stared at his friend before he said his final piece. “And then you quit yourself, you quit by blaming your own actions and bosses for the demise of the lab. You disappear on a wild goose chase through the country to find Horatio and now you’re here, telling me that you think the city needs him?”
Sitting down next to Rick, Mike once more clasped his shoulder and shook his head. “What happened Rick to change your behavior so much?”
He shouldn’t have come here, Rick realized. He should have known that Mike wouldn’t accept his reasoning, should have known that Mike would want the truth. For a moment he remained silent, but then with a sigh he nodded slowly and looked at his friend. He wasn’t ready to tell Mike the entire truth, even though he knew that one day soon he would have to.
“I can’t tell you yet.”
“Yet?” Mike looked at him closely and seemed to consider Rick’s answer. “But you will tell me?”
Rick felt relieved that Mike just accepted his answer and reaching out to quickly press Mike’s hand he nodded. “I promise. It’s just that I feel Horatio needs to hear it first...”
Rick trailed off as he realized that once more had said too much and he wanted to take the last words back as soon as he had spoken them. Mike though simply looked at him and Rick felt as if he had just confirmed something that Mike had believed for a long time.
“You care about him, don’t you?” Mike’s voice was calm and gentle and Rick nodded.
“Yes, I do. I told you before. He’s a good man.”
Mike shook his head, but before he could say anything else Rick silenced him. “Not today, Mike, ok?”
Mike seemed reluctant, but then gave in and smiled. “So you came here to talk to Horatio? Bury the hatchet?”
It was more than that, but right now, he didn’t want to get into another discussion and so he nodded. “There are some things I need to tell him. And maybe we can find some common ground.”
Mike sighed, but there was a smile in his eyes as he got up. “Well, I guess you’ll be staying for a while then. I’ll show you the guest room.”
Rick watched him walk out of the room. His own words were still going through his mind.
Maybe we can find some common ground.
It was a big maybe. There was a good chance that Horatio wouldn’t even listen to anything he had to say or that he would listen and not believe Rick. Staring outside, Rick wondered when everything had gone so wrong in his life. When he had joined IAB, he had believed that he would do good work there. Of course he had known that he would make enemies, and he had accepted that in order to be able to make a difference.
He had believed in that right up to the point where he had realized that he was being played, used as a political figure and that the only way he could make a difference was by protecting those he was supposed to prosecute. He had tried his best, but in the end he had failed.
The failure hurt, but even more hurt that fact that in his failure he had almost destroyed someone he cared about.
---
Horatio was tired as he got back to his house that evening, but for once it wasn’t the bone deep exhaustion that had plagued him for such a long time. Instead it was a good feeling, it was the tiredness that came with a day exploring and talking, a tiredness that came from having had too much sunshine in his face and too much cake to eat.
He hauled his purchases into the bedroom and started to put the clothes away. His hand gently caressed the soft material of his new dark suit. It had been James’ suggestion that he try out the dark grey suit instead of his usual black ones and at first Horatio hadn’t been sure.
The fabric though had won him over in the end, soft and still strong, it had felt like a lover’s caress on his skin. Of course, the slight leer he had gotten from the very pretty and very gay shopping assistant. The young man had looked at Horatio as if he was a tasty morsel and then proceeded to bring out matching shirts and ties, so that Horatio now had an entire outfit in dark grey and silver.
He still wasn’t really sure when he’d ever wear it, but maybe his work at the university would provide him with an opportunity.
The thought of the university, suddenly reminded him of his talk with Mike and the other man’s comments about Salvatore Cellio.
You could do worse than him in this town.
Horatio groaned as he realized that he had a meeting with Cellio next Monday and silently he cursed Mike for his comment, because he knew already that he would look at Cellio with different eyes.
---
*Chapter 7 – Sunday*
*Miami*
March might be a cold and unfriendly time of the year in some areas, but in Miami it was wonderful. Today was just perfect, Alexx thought as she leaned back in her deck chair enjoying the mild sun and the gentle breeze. Her husband had taken their kids to the beach and although she loved nothing more than being around her family, she still enjoyed this quiet time just for herself.
Closing her eyes, she let the sun warm her face for a while. Soon it would be too hot to sit in the sun and the old trees in her garden would turn from a pretty sight to necessity if she wanted to sit outside.
For a moment she thought about picking up her book, but doing nothing felt too good right now and so she simply sat there for a while and let her thoughts come and go.
The last couple of weeks hadn’t been easy, and while she now felt comfortable working with the new team, unexpected frictions had started to show in her relationship with the remaining members of Horatio’s old team. Alexx wasn’t exactly sure when Ryan had started to make snide comments about her work, but lately his behavior had bordered on rude. The first time it had happened, she had been both startled and hurt.
In the mean time, she had stopped flinching whenever he made a comment, but the hurt still remained.
Partly she knew that Ryan’s hostility came from her friendship with Horatio’s successor. There had been some talk about Ryan potentially taking as head of day shift, but in the end the department had decided that Ryan wasn’t senior enough for the task and had assigned Emma Samson, a member of the night shift as the new head. Emma was a smart, experienced and witty CSI and Alexx had immediately found herself on the same wavelength with her.
Ryan though had considered Emma’s promotion as a personal slight. He still was making life hard for her not understanding that by giving her attitude he was only damaging his career further.
One day, Alexx thought as she sighed, one day she would have a word with him.
---
*Princeton*
For most people Sunday was the one day when they could sleep in, go and meet up with friends, spend time with their family, go to the gym or just lounge in front of the TV. Sunday was the day for all those things that they didn’t have time during the week and that they were looking forward to.
It was their me-time day.
For Horatio Sundays had always been just another day in the week, just another day where people committed murder and other atrocities. There had been a brief moment in his life when Sundays had been about family, about love and about being with the person he had fallen in love with, but after she had been killed, he had returned to his routine of not realizing what day of the week it was.
Miami never closed had been his motto and he had made sure that he was always vigilant too.
Now it was different, now he had a new life and there was no city who relied upon him to watch over her, no reports he could write while he sat on his desk waiting for yet another call to a crime scene. Now Sundays were days off, days to spend with friends and family, days to lounge in front of the TV just like they were for all other people too.
It was unsettling, Horatio thought, as he looked at the notes he had made. He had been working on some ideas he had for the lectures, but now he couldn’t really think of anything else to do.
Out of nowhere, James’ words seemed to resonate through the room.
Everybody needs a break once in a while, because if we don’t take time outs, we break ourselves.
The problem was, Horatio realized, that he had no idea how to take a break.
For a moment he simply stared at his hands and then he shook his head at the weird thought and got up to get changed. He had planned to start exercising more and today was as good a day as any to go jogging in the near by park.
---
Anne De Winter loved her Sunday walks in the extensive parks surrounding Princeton University. In summer she would often spend an entire day meandering through the small paths and roads but in winter she tended to limit her time to two or three hours.
Today though was a wonderfully mild day for March and she smiled as she watched the dogs run around on the grass. Dogs and kids, she thought, they both had that boundless energy that she didn’t have anymore. Sometimes she envied them but most of the time, she felt content with who she was today.
Being young had its advantages, but it also had its drawbacks. She still remembered how she had struggled to fit in with her classmates in school, how she just hadn’t had the right hair or pair of jeans in college. Peer pressure was a terrible thing if one was sixteen, she mused and then smiled at her musings because peer pressure was the one thing that didn’t get easier in time, the difference though was that she thrived under today’s peer pressure.
Continuing a bit further, she noticed that a bench in the sun was unoccupied and with a happy sigh, she sat down enjoying the rays of the sun on her face. Soon enough it would be too hot for her to be out in the sun, but right now it was soothing instead of stifling, although most of her friends would dispute that summer in Princeton was never stifling, especially not compared to the Southern parts of the US. Anne though wasn’t from the South, she had been born and raised in Alaska and while she had gotten used to the milder winters, she still didn’t particularly like the heat in Summer.
Just one other thing that clearly distinguished her from Salvatore. She smiled as she thought about her colleague, but her musings were cut short when she noticed the red haired man jogging towards her. He looked familiar and after a moment, she knew where she had seen him before.
Horatio Caine had been a pleasant surprise when she had met him at the Dean’s office and if the way Salvatore was singing his praise was any indication, he was also the perfect candidate for their lectures. Getting up, she moved so that he saw her when he was closer and with a surprised smile he stopped.
“Mrs. De Winter, it’s nice to meet you.”
He wasn’t out of breath, she noticed and with a flick of her hand, she pointed at the bench. “Why don’t you keep me company for a bit? We haven’t really had time to get to know each other, didn’t we?”
It was only when he smiled lightly, that she realized how much like a command her offer had sounded and she smiled at him to take the bite out of her words. “How are you doing?”
“I’m settling in.” He looked pensive for a moment, then he smiled. “Which in itself is a surprise.”
Intrigued she looked at him and he understood her silent request to continue as he explained. “I never planned to stay in Princeton, but then I met Detective Bernstein, Sheriff Anderson and suddenly there’s this whole new life that I have.”
She could understand him and nodded slowly as she turned her head and looked once more over the grass area towards the children. “There’s this saying that life is what happens while you’re busy planning it. I have found that there is a lot of truth in those words.”
Caine nodded, but she could feel that he didn’t feel too comfortable about sharing such personal thoughts with a virtual stranger. It was time to change the topic, she decided. “How are you and Professor Cellio getting along?”
A quick smile crossed Caine’s face before he answered and the slight blush that covered his face made her wonder what he and Salvatore had been up to lately. Knowing Salvatore, she could guess even though, she hadn’t expected Caine to swing that way.
“It’s amazing to work with him, and of course a big challenge for me...” Caine trailed off and then smiled ruefully. “I never realized what a stellar reputation he had until I spoke with Detective Bernstein and he told me that he was the runner up for the Nobel Prize. It’s almost intimidating.”
So they were not sleeping together, Anne realized as she listened to Caine, because she was pretty sure that he wouldn’t feel intimidated of his lover.
“Salvatore is one of the stars at Princeton, you’re right, but he’s approachable and he’s down to earth. It’s those things that make him such a great professor and such a great scholar.” Seeing Caine’s confusion, she hesitated for a moment, then decided to give him some inside tidbits to understanding Salvatore. “He doesn’t have to teach, his projects and studies are funded by big companies as well as government agencies. He could let his research assistants do all the work, but he thinks that dealing with the students challenges his way of thinking, forces him to think out of the box and makes him a better researcher.”
Caine nodded. “I can see him saying that. He’s very hands-on. We spoke about some of the forensic techniques and he immediately dragged me to the lab for a demonstration.”
He laughed at the memory and the sadness she had seen in him earlier was gone. For a moment Anne studied the younger man and nodded silently. Caine was a beautiful man when he smiled and if she hadn’t been happily married, she might have been tempted. As it was though, she couldn’t help but wonder if Caine and Salvatore wouldn’t be a great couple.
“Actually my husband and I are having friends over on Tuesday, why don’t you join us and meet other members of the faculty?”
Caine seemed taken aback by the offer, but after a moment of contemplation, he nodded. “I’d love to. Thanks, can I bring something?”
Anne smiled and patted his shoulder. “Yourself, Horatio, just yourself.”
---
“House, leave a message.” Wilson sighed as once more only Greg’s voice mail picked up. For a moment he hesitated, then he gave in and left a message.
“Greg, it’s Wilson, let me know if we’re still on for tonight.”
Putting the phone back, Wilson resisted the urge to drive over to Greg and check if his friend was alright. Greg sometimes just wanted his privacy and Wilson knew only too well how good his friend was at ignoring the world around him.
Still he felt that today was different, that something had happened and finally he gave into his gut feeling and grabbed is car keys. He would never forget himself if something bad happened to Greg and he hadn’t been there for him.
---
House glared at the phone as if it held the secrets to all his problems. Of course it partly did, he thought as he looked at the blinking light that told him about the messages waiting for him.
14 calls and House knew that it was a matter of time until Jimmy would show up on his doorstep. His friend might be a liar, but at least he was predictable. What House didn’t know was how he was going to react to Jimmy’s visit.
Should he open the door and tell him to fuck off? Or would it be more efficient to just pretend not to be here? House growled as he thought of the dinner they had planned for the night. He had been looking forward to spend time with Jimmy outside work and without an urgent case looming in the background. Hell, he had even made the effort to make a reservation at Luigi’s.
And then Jimmy had ruined it all...
House wasn’t sure what hurt more, the fact that Jimmy had lied to him or the fact that he had gone to New York with Caine. House wasn’t even sure if he would have said yes, had Jimmy asked him to go, but it was about the general principle and the simple fact that Jimmy obviously had preferred Caine’s company made him want to trash something, preferably Caine. Angrily House swept the journal he had read from the table and stared morosely at the dark screen of his TV.
Maybe he should just tell Jimmy what he thought of him abandoning House, maybe he should just take a chance and tell him what he really felt about it. Maybe when he opened the door, he should just look at Jimmy and then drag him closer, push him against a wall and kiss him senseless.
How would Jimmy’s lips taste? House was sure that his friend’s lips would be soft, he had seen Jimmy use moisturizer on them more than once. But how would Jimmy react to being kissed by House? Would his lips be tightly pressed together, a hard line of disapproval and contempt? Or would he sigh and simply let House do whatever he wanted until he had a chance to escape?
For a just a quick moment, House allowed himself to dream of Jimmy not reacting with contempt or indifference, but of those lips go soft, and open up letting House in, he imagined how Jimmy’s body became pliant against his and how his eyes sparkled.
Then reality intruded in the form of a ringing door bell and House cursed as he noticed that his day dream had resulted in tented pants. Damn you Jimmy, he thought, and then got up to tell his friend exactly that.
“Jimmy, really you’re...” Any words he had wanted to say died on his lips when he saw the state his friend was in. Jimmy was holding onto the wall as if it was his lifeline and his ghostly white face was a stark contrast to the blood that slowly ran over his face.
“Oh my god, what happened?”
Jimmy swayed as he let go of the wall and House immediately stepped forward to steady his friend. He could feel the cold skin, noticed the glassy look of his friend’s eyes and quickly pulled Jimmy towards the warm house.
“Jimmy, sit down, listen you’re going into shock, but you need to tell me what happened? Did someone attack you?”
Jimmy stared at him blankly and it took a while for House’s words to register. He shook his head and frowned. “My car... there was another car and then a tree and then darkness, it was so dark... and then there was you...”
Fear knotted House’s stomach as he pulled the blanket close and draped it around his friend. Had Jimmy been in a car accident? Softly he cleaned the head wound with water and disinfectant and his heart ached as Jimmy moaned in pain at the gentle touch.
“Jimmy, I need to call the paramedics, you need to go to the hospital.” He wanted to get up, but Jimmy’s hand shot out and held him back.
“Don’t leave me, please, don’t leave me.”
The sudden fear in Jimmy’s voice broke House’s heart and he nodded slowly. “I won’t leave you, ok? I’ll just go and get the phone. I’m back in a second.”
The call was made within seconds, but House saw that even in the short time Jimmy had become even more white and had started shaking heavily. The doctor in him noted all the signs of shock and attributed the paleness to the possibility of internal injuries. His hands shook as he reached for another blanket and with a start he realized how different it was when it concerned someone he cared for. If pressed and necessary, he would have still been able to analyze the symptoms he saw make a fairly accurate diagnosis, but just seeing Jimmy so vulnerable made his insides twist and churn and his rational mind flee.
The doctor in him wanted to do something, to make sure that Jimmy didn’t go unto shock, but the man who loved Jimmy couldn’t leave him and so he sat down next to his friend and watched him closely. He didn’t hug him or hold him close, but he watched him with eagle eyes and in the end took his hand and pressed it gently.
“Do you remember what happened?”
Jimmy shivered again then he nodded slowly.
“I called you and when you didn’t pick up, I thought maybe something had happened...” His voice trailed off and he frowned as he fought to remember. “Then I drove over and there was a car on my side, it... it was too fast and I...” Again he frowned and shook his head, his eyes showing his distress. “And then there was the tree and I couldn’t move and it was so loud...”
House fought down on the anger as he realized that Jimmy had not caused the accident, but that someone else had caused it and then left.
“I had to see if you’re ok.”
Jimmy’s last words were so quiet that House had to strain to hear them. When he did, they broke his heart. Jimmy had been injured and yet all he had been thinking off was that he needed to see House. Despite the grave situation, House felt something like hope wake up in him. After all, Jimmy had come to him and not Caine, it had to mean something, didn’t it?
---
Mike Bernstein had been enjoying a nice quiet Sunday afternoon with his friend, when the call had come in. Someone had discovered a crashed car and while there was no one in there, blood had been found at the crash scene indicating the possibility of foul play.
Sighing he got up and grabbed his weapon. He felt bad about leaving Rick behind, but the other man simply shrugged. “Been there, done that.”
Of course Rick had been a cop himself and it wasn’t as if Rick couldn’t occupy himself while Mike was away. Still the host in him felt bad at leaving his guest alone, and he was about to apologize again when Rick shook his head. “Get out of the house and do your job... I’m not some damsel in distress that you can’t leave alone. Come on, call me when you’re on your way back and I start cooking some pasta.”
Now that was an incentive to return quickly, Mike grinned as he left the house and quickly drove to the scene of the accident.
“Detective, good you’re here. The lady in the red car over there drove by and saw the car crashed into the tree. No one is inside, but there is blood on the steering wheel. Also there are skid marks on the pavement that don’t look as if they belong to the crashed car, but we can’t say for sure until forensics has looked at it.” The young officer informed him curtly of the situation. Mike nodded and then frowned.
“No casualties?”
The younger man shook his head. “No, as I said no one was at the scene, but someone had to drive that car into the tree.”
What a genius. Mike snorted silently and walked over to the woman who had found the car. She was mid fifties and looked both shaken and confident at once. “I’m Detective Mike Bernstein, Officer Bender here said that you noticed the car?”
She nodded. “I was just passing through, when I noticed it. At first I thought someone was inside, but when I looked closer, it was empty.”
“You didn’t’ see the accident then?” This time she shook her head and apologized, but Mike had already known that the chances of her having seen anything interesting were slim at best.
“We ran the license plates; the owner of the car is a Doctor James Wilson...” Bender rattled off the address, but Mike didn’t listen to him anymore. He had recognized the name immediately, James Wilson, Horatio’s friend from the hospital.
“Did you send a car to his residence?” Bender nodded and shrugged. “No one is home.”
Where could the doctor be? Had they gotten it wrong, was this more than just an accident, was this an abduction?
“Call the hospital and ask who Dr. Wilson’s next of kin is. We need to inform them and ask them about his possible whereabouts.”
Mike watched as Bender made the call and inwardly he prayed that they would find Wilson soon and unharmed. He didn’t want to imagine how it would affect Horatio to have his friend injured or possibly even worse.
---
The paramedics had taken forever and House wasted no time in telling them that. They had barely reacted to him though and had focused completely on Jimmy. He couldn’t fault them for that, even though a part of him had bristled at their dismissal of his expertise. He watched as they lifted Jimmy on the gurney and moved him towards the ambulance car.
“Do you want a ride in Dr. House?”
For a moment he thought about driving over, but the thought of driving so shortly after Jimmy had had an accident chilled him to his core and he nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”
The two paramedics looked at him surprised and House wondered if it was because he had thanked them or because he had agreed to join. Maybe it was a bit of both and while it was good to have a bad reputation most of the time, today it annoyed him.
He was about to get into the ambulance car, when his phone rang and after a nod from the paramedic, he answered it curtly.
“Dr. House? This is Detective Mike Bernstein, you are Dr. Wilson’s next of kin aren’t you?” The detective’s voice was friendly, but House froze for a moment before answering.
“Yes, I am. Why?”
Bernstein seemed to hesitate for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice had a soothing quality that immediately got House’s hackles up. “We have found Dr. Wilson’s car and so far there is no trace of him. I’m sure though that he is ok...”
House didn’t let him finish and interrupted angrily. “He’s not ok, he’s in shock and has possible internal injuries, don’t you tell me that he’s going to be fine, if you don’t even know where he is.”
“Is he with you?” The detective’s voice sounded surprised and House snorted. “Of course he is, where else should he be, well he’s on his way to the hospital now.”
“If you could tell me which hospital, then I’d meet you there.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a request and House gave in, although grumbling. “PPTH, which hospital did you think they bring him?”
The detective didn’t bother answering, instead simply told House that he would be there. House growled at the phone, but seeing the impatient look on the paramedic’s face he quickly got into the back of the ambulance van.
“Greg?” Jimmy’s voice was faint and immediately House moved so that Jimmy could see him.
“I’m here.”
“Don’t leave me, stay with me.” The longing and insecurity in Jimmy’s eyes broke House’s heart and without another thought for the paramedics, he grasped Jimmy’s hand and cradled it in his own.
“I’m here, I won’t leave. I’m with you.”
---
*Miami*
Emma Samson sighed as she reached for the report. It was 2P.M in the afternoon on Sunday, and if she really wanted to finish reviewing all the reports, her weekend would over. As much as she liked her job as the day shift supervisor, she hadn’t really expected it to be this hard, this time consuming and this much of a drain of her energy.
Something Alexx had told her a while ago came back to her.
Horatio burned out because he put himself last. Don’t make the same mistake.
She had laughed and told Alexx that she had no intention of burning out, that she had a great social life and a large circle of friends and yet now she was sitting in her office on a Sunday contemplating whether or not she should cancel her dinner with her boyfriend.
I’m a fool, she thought, and resolutely put the last report back to the to-do stack. She shut down her computer, cleared her desk and smiled as she reached for her phone.
“It’s me, do you mind if I come over earlier?”
She laughed at the surprise in Doug’s voice and answered the unasked question with a chuckle. “I kind of prefer your company to the reports, you know.”
Doug’s response was immediate and from the heart. “Good to hear.”
Mentally thanking Alexx for her advice, Emma drove towards her boyfriend’s home while she promised herself not to become a victim of her job, not to become a second Horatio Caine.
---
*Princeton*
Wilson felt dizzy, his head heavy and a part of his mind seemed to float a couple of inches away from his body. Everything was slightly dimmed almost as if he was shrouded in fog. He wasn’t sure where he was, but he knew that he needed to know if Greg was ok.
“Greg?” Immediately strong hands pressed his as an answer and he thought that he saw Greg’s face, but it was so faint that he wasn’t sure.
“Don’t leave me, please...” If he wasn’t really talking to Greg, he could speak freely, he thought fuzzily. He could finally tell Greg what he had always hidden.”Don’t leave me alone. I need you.”
The pressure in his hands grew stronger and he thought he heard Greg answer him, thought he heard him promise to be there, but the voice sounded so hoarse, so broken, that Wilson knew immediately it was only a figment of his imagination.
“I wish you were here.”
He yelped at the sudden pain when something clamped down hard on his hands and opening his eyes again, he was impressed at how blue Greg’s eyes were even in his imagination. Fantasy Greg was talking, but Wilson didn’t listen to him, he was too fascinated by the blue pools that shimmered with tears.
“I love you, you know? I wish I could tell you. But then you’d leave... Don’t leave me.”
He thought he heard a broken sound, but his eyes fell closed again, and even though some rational part of his brain screamed at him not to give into the darkness, it was so tempting to just sleep and forget.
“Stay with me.” He mumbled once more, and then the darkness was there and it was warm and comfortable. Wilson smiled as he welcomed the oblivion it granted him.
---
It must be years since he last had had the time to watch TV, Horatio thought as he flipped from channel to channel trying to find something that could hold his interest for more than ten minutes. Most of the channels seemed to favor police procedurals, and what was interesting for the normal audience was a source of annoyance for Horatio.
Finally he settled on a documentation about New Zealand and soon found himself fascinated and intrigued about the nature of the country. Maybe it was time for a trip to the other side of the world, he mused as he watched the presenter hike up a mountain.
He hadn’t been out of the country for too long, and now he had both time and the money, maybe... His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing.
“Horatio, it’s Mike.”
Mike sounded harried and under stress. It immediately alerted Horatio and he listened with growing fear as his friend explained the reason for his call.
“You’re friends with Dr. James Wilson aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am why?” Horror scenario’s crossed in front of Horatio’s eyes as he thought of James and he swallowed hard. “Is he ok?”
“He was involved in an accident. He’s at the hospital.”
Horatio froze and he mentally prayed that James was alright. “Which hospital?”
“Princeton Plainsboro Teaching.”
Mike’s answer was immediate and Horatio could have slapped himself for asking. Of course they would have brought James to the hospital where he worked.
“Do you know anything else?”
“No, I called a Dr. House, he’s Wilson’s emergency contact and he told me that Wilson is being brought there. Do you want me to pick you up, it’s on my way over there.”
Horatio was already moving, but now he stopped for a moment thinking about whether or not he should go to the hospital if House was there too. He discarded the thought and nodded before he realized that Mike couldn’t see him.
“I’ll drive over myself, but thanks for the offer.”
---
House watched like a hawk as the emergency staff transferred Jimmy from the gurney into a bed and then moved him down towards the ICU. He cursed his leg as he hobbled behind them, fast enough to keep them in eyesight, but not fast enough to be able to be next to Jimmy.
“Dr. House, what has happened?” Foreman appeared next to him and barked at the emergency nurse to slow down. House was surprised at the consideration from the other man, but didn’t comment on it. He was simply glad to be next to Jimmy again and he didn’t think about it as he grasped his friend’s hand tightly in his.
“He had an accident.” He had to force himself to speak the words as he finally had to let go Jimmy’s hand and could only watch as his friend was rolled into the ICU.
Foreman nodded and followed the other doctors inside, but he stopped at the door and smiled quickly at House. “Go, get some scrubs, they won’t kick you out.”
It didn’t even occur House to comment on the fact that no one was kicking him anywhere, instead he went to get changed almost as if in a daze. He had to focus on what he was doing, because if he let his mind wander it would replay Jimmy’s words again and again.
“I love you, you know? I wish I could tell you. But then you’d leave... Don’t leave me.”
He hadn’t known, had never even guessed. House trembled and the scrubs fell from his fingers as he sat down. Jimmy loved him...
Taking a deep breath, he concentrated on putting on the scrubs and then he walked straight into the examination room. Dr. Miller looked at him with a frown, but she didn’t say anything. House looked at her and then at Jimmy and seeing his friend so pale on the bed gave him a jolt
“How is he?”
“There is no internal bleeding, but he isn’t reacting to any outward stimulus. I fear that he might have an epidural hematoma due to the blunt impact to the head from the accident. We have to get a scan of his head.”
House nodded and then watched as they prepared Jimmy for the scan. He mentally scolded himself for having waited too long to call the paramedics, and his heart ached at the thought of Jimmy never waking again waking up.
“House?” Dr. Miller looked at him and he saw in her eyes that she didn’t have good news. “We have to operate immediately. The hematoma needs to be evacuated through a burr hole or craniotomy.”
Understanding hit him and he looked at Miller. “Who’s going to perform the procedure?”
PPTH had a neurosurgeon but House didn’t like Dr. Barden. Miller sighed. “Wilson is really lucky. He invited a colleague from the Seattle Grace hospital over for a conference and this colleague is specialized in neurosurgery. In fact he’s one of the best neurosurgeons of the country.”
House grunted as a younger, good looking man walked quickly towards them. Dark haired, blue eyes and fit, the man didn’t even look at House but focused on Dr. Miller. “Derek Shepherd, are you Dr. Miller? You said it was Dr. Wilson?”
Dr. Miller nodded and then pointed towards House. “Dr. Shepherd, may I introduce you to Dr. House? He’s Dr. Wilson’s friend and brought him over. Why don’t we go into the examination room to have a look at the CT scans?”
Shepherd nodded and immediately followed Miller and House. The hematoma was small, but distinctly visible on the scan and House fought down a shiver at the sight. Shepherd looked at it and nodded.
“He is being prepared now?” At Miller’s nod, he sighed. “I want to quickly talk to the team and then have a another look at the scan. Be ready in 90 minutes, ok?”
Dr. Miller left and House remained back with Shepherd. He fixed the younger doctor with his eyes and glared at him. “You better be as good as everybody says.”
Shepherd smiled quickly. “I am.”
He left too and House was alone with the CT scans of his best friend. Slowly he moved towards the pictures and reached out, when Foreman stopped him. “Dr. House, do you want to sit with Dr. Wilson while we’re waiting for the surgery?”
He followed Foreman without a word as the younger doctor led him towards the room where Jimmy was. House’s gut clenched, before he approached the bed slowly. Taking Jimmy’s hand in his, he leaned and quickly caressed Jimmy’s face with his free hand. “You better wake up, Jimmy. We have some things to discuss. I love you too and I won’t’ leave, you can take that for granted.”
He felt himself getting chocked up and without thinking much, he bent down and kissed Jimmy’s forehead.
“Don’t whimp out on me.”
---
Horatio slowly moved away from James’ room. A nurse had told him where to find James, but when he had opened the door he had seen House stand next to James’ bed.
The older man had looked at James with so much love in his eyes that Horatio had stopped almost immediately. It had been then when he had heard the other man speak quietly.
You better wake up, Jimmy. We have some things to discuss. I love you too and I wont’ leave, you can take that for granted.
The words had been gruff, but there had been a lot of emotion in House’s voice and Horatio smiled sadly as he walked away. He hoped that James would get through the surgery, and would wake up to finally find love with House.
Don’t whimp out on me.
House’ words rang through Horatio’s mind and he sighed whishing silently that someone felt this strongly about him.
---
*Chapter 8 – Waking up*
Princeton
Horatio was working on his lectures when the phone rang. For a moment he thought about simply ignoring it, but he knew that it could be Robert with news about Wilson or even Michael with a new case. He smiled a little as he realized how deeply ingrained his discipline still was in his mind, and reached for his phone.
“Mr. Caine, Lieutenant Stillman here. I just wanted to let you know that we have found Mr. Overstreet’s killer.”
Horatio was pleasantly surprised that the Philadelphia Lieutenant took the time to tell him about the case he had briefly worked on and curiously he inquired about the killer. “The boyfriend?”
Stillman laughed without any humor in it. “Yeah, he thought that she would leave him for the older, wealthier guy and took action. The irony behind it is, that three weeks after the murder he fell in love with another girl and broke up with Olson.”
Horatio sighed. “What a waste of human lives.”
Stillman grunted, but Horatio could hear the agreement in the non verbal response. Then Stillman spoke again. “I’ve already sent my thanks to Sheriff Anderson, but I just wanted to thank you personally. Your help has been crucial for the case.”
It felt good to hear that, Horatio thought, and realized how long it was since somebody had actually thanked him for doing his job. “I was just doing my job.”
“No, you did more.” Stillman’s voice was stern, but friendly. “You could have sent us the results and be done with it. Instead you came to Philly and assisted us in the investigation. That is a lot more than just doing your job, Mr. Caine.”
Horatio didn’t know what to say and he could feel himself blushing at the praise. Stillman though didn’t seem to expect an answer as he continued without real break. “I wanted to make you an offer. The cold case squad could use your experience.”
“You want to hire me?” Horatio knew that his surprise and shock were audible and Stillman laughed.
“No, Anderson would kill me if I did. I was thinking about a consultant job, similar to the one you have with Trenton, the only difference is that you’d be only on cold cases and of course only on those you think you can provide insight and support.”
“I have to think about it.”
Stillman grunted again and sighed. “I’ll send you the draft contract and we’ll talk again, that ok for you?”
Horatio nodded, and realizing that Stillman couldn’t see him he agreed. He said goodbye to Stillmann and after putting the phone on the table he got up and walked over to the kitchen. Staring into his fridge, trying to remember why he had opened it, he shook his head.
He hadn’t been in the area longer than 3 months and already he had two consultant jobs and a teaching post at the university.
How had this happened?
That’s not what I’d call taking it easy.
James’ words suddenly came back to him and he sighed at the thought of his friend.
“You better wake up soon,” he whispered, “cause I really need you to show me how to relax.”
---
It was unusually quiet in the corridors of the PPTH, Chase thought as he sat down in the waiting area to wait for Foreman. He just had completed another PT session and was now looking forward to lunch with his partner- Looking around, he noticed the staff walking through the corridors, and realized how subdued everybody seemed.
It was Friday, and James Wilson still hadn’t regained consciousness. The surgery had gone well, Dr. Shepherd had managed to release the hematoma without any problems, and had seemed relieved that the entire procedure had been completed without a hitch.
He had told them that Wilson would have to be kept in an artificial coma for two, three days and then could be taken off the drugs to ensure a slow and natural process of awakening. It all had happened like in a routine case with one difference, Wilson didn’t wake up.
Shepherd had called and after having been told about Wilson’s condition he had offered to fly to Princeton for a check up if Wilson wouldn’t wake up until Sunday.
In the mean time, the hospital was eerily silent, almost as if no one dared to laugh or to make noise.
“Robert?”
A hand on his shoulder jerked Chase back into reality and he looked up to meet concerned blue eyes. “Are you ok?”
“Horatio good to see you! I’m fine, was just in thoughts. What are you doing here?” He hadn’t seen his friend for a while, but they had kept in touch through calls and text messages. Still he was surprised to see Horatio at the hospital until he remembered that Horatio was a friend of Wilson, and instantly he sobered. “You’re here to see Dr. Wilson, aren’t you?”
Horatio nodded, and he looked sad. “I just wanted to sit with him for a while.”
It struck Chase once more what a good friend Horatio was and spontaneously, he got up and hugged the older man. “He’ll be alright, I’m sure.”
Another sad smile crossed Horatio’s face. “I hope he will. He’s become a good friend.”
There was such a loneliness in Horatio’s words, that Chase was shocked for a moment, but then he pressed Horatio’s hand once more and pulled him down towards the chairs. Sitting down, Chase looked at his friend. “He will be fine, I promise.”
He couldn’t make such a promise, he knew and so did Horatio and still it felt as if some of the despair in Horatio’s eyes had disappeared. Chase wanted to see the blue eyes clear and happy, but if he was honest, then he had never seen them completely without sadness. He knew a bit about Horatio’s past, knew about the woman he had loved and lost, and he had hoped that one day Horatio would find someone to take her place in his heart.
“How is your shoulder?” Horatio changed the topic and Chase shrugged a bit.
“PT is a pain, but I’m getting better. If the progress continues as it is, I’ll be back at work next week.”
“That’s great, I’m glad for you.”
Chase smiled almost shyly as he confessed what had been in his head all the time. “I’m scared you know? I’ve been out for almost six weeks now, it just feels like I’m coming in as a newbie.”
Horatio smiled and this time it was him who squeezed Chase’s hand. “You’ll be fine, Robert, don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”
“I’m five minutes late and you’re holding hands with another man...” Eric’s dry comment made Chase grin as he let go of Horatio and got up to kiss his boyfriend hello. Eric grinned back and then turned towards Horatio. “Good to see you, you here for Wilson?”
Horatio nodded and Eric smiled. “He’s showed some positive signs. The nurse said she saw his eyes move behind the lids and he twitched, maybe he just needed a bit longer to wean off the drugs than normal patients.”
Chase felt relief rush through him and he could see the same relief in Horatio’s eyes even before the other man answered. “That’s wonderful, thank you Eric.”
“Did you find the other driver?” Chase wanted to know. Horatio had told him that the police had asked him to help in the investigation into the unknown car, but now he shook his head.
“We know what kind of car it was, but there are thousands of that model of Ford cars out there, so unless James remembers something or we get very lucky, we probably won’t find who it was.”
“Which means the bastard will never be found.”
Horatio looked at Eric and Chase couldn’t help but shiver a bit at the deadly look in the blue eyes. “Maybe, but we won’t stop looking, Eric, we never stop looking.”
Eric held Horatio’s look for a moment and Chase had the very distinct feeling that Horatio and Eric just had a silent communication about something more than just Wilson’s accident. Then Eric turned towards him and his eyes got softer. “How was PT?”
“Painful.” Chase saw how Eric smiled despite the concern in his eyes and he growled. “You’re not taking me serious, are you?”
“You know what we say. Painful is good, it means that the muscles are working.”
Chase simply groaned. Sometimes he hated having a doctor as boyfriend.
---
“You were the one who told me that everybody needs a break, but I don’t think you meant this, you know.” Horatio still felt somewhat weird about talking to his unconscious friend, but strongly believed that James could somehow hear him and so he continued to tell his friend about his days.
“The dinner party was interesting, I think that Anne wants to set me up with Cellio. She had us seated next to each other and dropped all those hints.” Horatio smiled and reached out to touch James’ hand. “Of course Salvatore noticed too, he’s not being called a genius for nothing, isn’t he?”
Shaking his head, he recalled how he had gone outside to catch some fresh air only to noticed that someone had followed him.
“Don’t worry, it’s a sign of affection.” Salvatore smiled at him and Horatio noticed not for the first time this evening that the younger professor had a really beautiful smile.
“What is?”
Salvatore grinned. “Don’t play coy, Horatio, you’re a trained observer, so you must have noticed that Anne has some designs for you and me.”
Horatio blushed and shrugged. “I wasn’t sure, if it was just my imagination or...”
The other man laughed and the warm sound made Horatio tingle all over. “No imagination, I promise you. Anne has been trying to set me up ever since we started working together.”
Salvatore walked over to stand next to Horatio and with a smile he leaned against the railing. “I must say though, I never would have guessed that you bat for the same team.”
“I’m not, or not solely.”
He could feel the blush raising in his face again and cursed his pale complexion. Salvatore smiled again and as if by accident brushed his hand against Horatio’s. The rush of heat the casual touch evoked shocked Horatio. Salvatore seemed to have felt it and looked at him for a moment.
“You ok?”
Once more he reached for Horatio’s hand and this time he deliberately let his own fingers move against Horatio’s. Another shiver ran through Horatio and he looked at Salvatore, before he nodded.
“I’m good.”
He turned his hand in Salvatore’s and without breaking eye contact, let his own fingers slide against the other man’s. Salvatore’s dark eyes got even darker at the touch and Horatio suddenly felt himself getting more and more interested. Salvatore swallowed hard and then released him with a smile.
“As much as Anne wants to set us up, she would hate us if we start to make out in her garden.”
Horatio blushed again, a part of him feeling relieved while another part felt ridiculously rejected. Salvatore seemed to have read him again and smiled gently.
“Hey, it’s not a no, Horatio, just a not yet. Why don’t we meet sometime this week for drinks? Get to know each other away from the university?”
Horatio took a deep breath after he had told James about the encounter with Salvatore. He looked down at his friend wishing more than ever that he was awake and could advise him on what to do. “I’m seeing him tomorrow, James, and I have no idea how to proceed. I could really use your help, you know.”
The hand in his twitched and Horatio tensed as he stared at his friend’s calm and serene face. “James, can you hear me?”
There was no response, but somehow Horatio felt that the other man could really hear me. “Please James, if you can hear me, press my hand. Please...”
He felt it then faintly, a squeeze of his hand and he felt like crying in relief. Immediately he reached to press the call button and as the nurse arrived together with Dr. Miller he told them what had happened. There was a flurry of activity and Horatio left the room, hopeful that his friend would indeed wake up again.
“He’s waking up?”
A gruff voice next to him made Horatio turn around to meet Dr. House’s tired eyes. The other doctor looked as if he hadn’t slept for days, an assessment which was probably accurate. Seeing fear as well as hope in House’s eyes, Horatio nodded slowly.
“I think he might. He squeezed my hand when I talked to him.”
House closed his eyes for a moment, then he opened them again and glared at Horatio. “So you saved the day again, don’t you? Must be nice to be the hero all the time.”
Horatio was taken aback by the hostility in House’s voice, but then he remembered the jealousy he had seen in House whenever James and Horatio had spent time together, remembered how House had looked at James with love and fear right before the surgery. He thought he understood then and instead of giving the scathing words back, he shook his head.
“It’s not about me, it’s about him.”
The calm words seemed to deflate House and to his surprise, Horatio saw that the older man trembled slightly. Instinctively he reached out and grasped House’ shoulder.
“He’s waking up.” House almost whispered the words and Horatio felt for him.
“And he’ll be needing you.”
House stared at him and Horatio could almost see how the protective façade of sarcasm and coldness was being rebuilt. He shook his head and fixed House with his eyes.
“You’re his friend, the only one he completely trusts. He needs you.”
House shivered and shook his head. “He doesn’t...”
Something like anguish was visible in House’s blue eyes as he continued to speak as if Horatio wasn’t there, as if he was just repeating something that his memory kept replaying again and again.
“I've got no kids, my marriage is dead, I've only got two things that work for me: this job and this stupid, screwed-up friendship, and neither mattered enough to you to give one lousy speech.” He sounded as if he was reading from a book and as he looked at Horatio his eyes were bleak. “He told me that once and he was right, you know. I didn’t care enough about him to give into Vogler...”
Horatio didn’t know what House was talking about, but he knew how James felt about House. “He needs you.”
Before House could answer, Dr. Miller came out of the room. Her eyes were happy and she was smiling. “He’s awake.”
---
“He’s awake.”
House froze at Dr. Miller’s words. He wanted to go to Jimmy, wanted to see him, but at the same time he was afraid. And just how stupid was that?
He glanced at Caine and suddenly realized that the man was actually quite ok, especially since he now knew that Jimmy loved him and not Caine. Still he was terrified of going in there and see his friend.
“Go, tell him how important he is. You almost lost him, don’t waste more time.”
Caine’s words made him look at the younger man and he noted the sadness in Caine’s eyes immediately. His immediate reaction was to reply with some snarky comment, but something in the other man’s posture held him back and without another word he walked towards Jimmy’s room.
Jimmy was still so pale and the bandage around his head looked every bit as frightening as it had the first time House had seen it. But Jimmy’s eyes were open and as he looked at House they lit up.
“Hey”
Suddenly it was easy to cross the few feet and sit down next to his best friend, easy to take his hand and hold it tight. “Don’t ever do this to me, ok?”
Jimmy looked surprised and frowned. “Greg, what’s wrong?”
“You almost died. You almost died, do you understand?” House wanted to scream, but his voice was barely audible and instead of getting angry, he felt himself getting chocked up. “I almost lost you.”
Jimmy swallowed hard before he nodded slowly. “Greg, I’m sorry.”
Only Jimmy would say something like that, House thought, only his best friend would apologize for almost dying. He smiled and carefully brushed a hand over Jimmy’s face. “I’ll find a way for you to make it up to me.”
---
“Thanks for the update, Robert, I’ll come by tomorrow.” Horatio put his phone down feeling almost giddy with relief. James would be ok, his vitals were stable and there was no damage from the brain surgery. His friend would be back to his old self soon.
He had missed his friend this week, despite being busy and everything. There had been more than one occasion, where he had wondered what James would say and what his advise would be. It was funny somehow, Horatio thought, he had never had a best buddy before, someone to act as a sounding board and as an advisor and he certainly had never felt the need for one.
Still he had missed James.
The ringing of his door bell roused him from his musings and with a frown he walked over. He couldn’t imagine who the caller could be; he didn’t know that many people in Princeton and even fewer knew his address. For a moment, he thought about pulling his weapon, but that would have been a bit too paranoid. Maybe it was Mike who was bored and wanted company.
Horatio was just walking towards the door when the bell rang again. “Hold your horses, Mike, I... Rick?”
He stared at Rick Stetler in shock. The IAB man was the last person he had expected to see.
“Are you going to let me in?”
Horatio was still staring at Stetler as if he was a ghost and he moved to the side almost in trance. Stetler was a part of his past and Horatio tensed as he watched him walk into his house. He looked at Stetler in the same moment as the other looked at him too and their eyes locked for a second. Something sparked in Stetler’s eyes at the contact and Horatio wondered at the emotion, but then it was gone and Stetler’s eyes were flat.
“Do you want something to drink?”
Horatio asked more out of politeness than anything else, but Stetler shook his head and declined. For a moment there was silence in the room then Stetler looked at him. “You’re a hard man to find, if you don’t want to be found.”
Stetler sat down on the couch and watching him, Horatio felt the shock over his sudden appearance lessen. Horatio walked over, intent on taking the seat opposite Stetler, but he stopped suddenly. Every word died in his throat as he looked at Stetler and for the first time really saw him. Stetler looked terrible. Gone was the sleek and smooth IAB officer, instead Stetler was unshaven and pale. He had lost weight, Horatio noticed, and deep shadows under his eyes gave him a tired and unhealthy look. Horatio found himself drawn towards the couch and almost against his will he sat down.
“Why did you look for me?” Stetler startled almost as if he hadn’t noticed that Horatio had sat down next to him. For a second his hands trembled, but as he spoke his voice was calm.
“Miami needs you.”
Horatio thought he had heard wrong and he looked incredulously at Stetler. “Did IAB send you? Did they open another investigation?”
It was the only explanation he had for the sudden and unexpected appearance, but Stetler snorted and shook his head. “I’m not with IAB anymore. I quit in December.”
It was said calmly and without any emotion and once more the dead voice was so unlike Stetler, that Horatio frowned. The man sitting on his couch, was not the Rick Stetler he had known.
“What?” He wanted to say more, but Stetler had turned around and Horatio felt burning blue eyes on him.
“IAB didn’t care that the conviction rate went down by more than 20% or that less crimes than ever got solved in time. Nothing of that mattered to them as long as everything was done by the book.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to point out, that Stetler had not so long ago supported that line of thought, but Horatio felt that Stetler had not finished speaking yet and he was right. “I was an idiot, you know? I knew how good you were, but I was too wrapped up in my world to care and now the lab’s falling apart and the city is not safe anymore. I should have never driven you away.”
The honest words floored Horatio, but the thought of going back to Miami made him grow cold. “I didn’t leave because of you. I can’t go back.”
For a second it seemed as if Stetler flinched at his words and Horatio waited for the explosion. Instead Stetler just looked at him silently. Horatio was used to be under the scrutiny of those dark eyes, but he had never before felt them so intently. Stetler’s look was understanding, and as his eyes moved over Horatio’s face it felt like a caress. A shiver ran through Horatio at the thought.
“Why not?” The question was asked in a quiet voice and although some part in Horatio told him that Stetler had no right to ask him this, another, louder part demanded that he tell the truth.
“I have nothing left there. I lost everything that matters.”
A shadow crossed through Stetler’s eves before he shook his head. “Maybe there’s more left for you than you think. Alexx is still there, Valera and Tyler are. Miami is still there. They need you.”
The conversation was eerily similar to the one he’d had with Natalia just before he had left, but something was different. Stetler had used the same words, but his eyes had been more passionate, more determined and with a start Horatio realized that he had never seen Stetler so emotional and yet so calm.
“Why do you care?” Stetler met his eyes unwaveringly, but he didn’t answer Horatio’s question and instead asked one of his own.
“Are you happy here?”
Horatio’s hand moved over the couch and he watched as Stetler looked around, saw how his eyes took in the room, the furniture, the barely lit garden outside. Horatio wondered what Stetler saw, his house wasn’t yet a home, but it was starting to feel like one and as Stetler met his eyes again, Horatio saw something akin to defeat in the blue eyes.
“You found what you have been looking for, haven’t you?” Had he? He wasn’t sure. Was he happy?
“I don’t know.” He was surprised at his answer, surprised that he had answered so honestly and he could see the shock in Stetler’s eyes. He too hadn’t expected Horatio to answer honestly.
“Can you see yourself here in ten or twenty years?”
Stetler’s questions were relentless and for a moment Horatio hated him for it. But he couldn’t prevent his mind from playing along, even though he didn't like what he saw. Fact was, he could see himself here, he had found friends here, people he cared for, and he liked his jobs and yet... Seeing himself in ten years, he could only see loneliness.
Horatio sighed, he wasn’t home here yet. But if he wanted he could make a home here, he had started building a home here and if Princeton wasn’t home, where was it?
You found what you have been looking for, haven’t you?
Horatio didn’t know, but it wasn’t so easy, because he didn’t even know what he was looking for.
“You can, can’t you?” Stetler’s voice made him look up and Horatio was stunned at the depth of understanding he saw in the other’s eyes. He hadn’t expected him to understand and harsher than intended, he once more questioned Stetler’s motives.
“What do you want?” Again a shadow crossed Stetler’s eyes, and for a second, pain flared up in them, but the emotion was gone before Horatio was sure about it. “I wanted you to give Miami a second chance, but right now I don’t know anymore.”
He heard the defeat in the words and it made him shiver. He wanted to say something, but Stetler shook his head as he got up and smiled tiredly.
“It’s ok, Horatio, and I can’t say that I don’t understand you.”
He walked towards the door and held onto the wall as he suddenly swayed. Horatio rose concerned and grabbed him by the arm. Stetler smiled and shook his head.
“I’m fine, just dizzy.” Stetler trailed off and seemed to steel himself for his next words. “Don’t worry, I’ll be staying with Mike tonight, but I’ll leave town tomorrow. I won’t be in your way.”
No! Horatio’s reaction was instant and spontaneous. He didn’t want Stetler to leave, he wanted to understand the changes in him, wanted to know what had changed him and Horatio was honest enough to admit that it felt good to talk with someone who really knew him. He had been silent for too long though and sad smile washed over Stetler’s face before he turned and walked towards the door.
“Good bye Horatio” The words were calm, but they were final too and Horatio knew that if he let Stetler walk out of his house, he would never see him again. It should have elated him, but somehow it didn’t and he spoke without thinking.
“Rick” Stetler turned around and looked at him. Once more Horatio noticed the tell tale signs of a burnout and he spoke without thinking. “You don’t have to leave town, maybe we can have lunch or drinks on the weekend?”
The surprise that lit up Stetler's eyes made him smile and something in him relaxed as Stetler nodded slowly.
“Thank you” Again he swayed and Horatio frowned. “Are you ill?”
Stetler had returned to the couch and shook his head. “Just tired. Look, just call me if you have time, ok?”
Horatio watched him leave and felt a shiver run through him. He had a strong feeling that Rick had not told him the entire truth, that there was more to his decision to leave IAB, more to his decision to come looking for Horatio. Maybe that was the reason why he hadn’t wanted Rick to leave town, maybe he simply wanted the truth, but at the same time Horatio knew that he couldn’t lie to himself.
The Rick Stetler of his memory had been a cocky bastard, but the man he had seen today wasn’t. The change intrigued him, made him wonder what else had changed and while it made Horatio want to get to know the new Rick, it also made him wary. He knew himself well enough to know that he could easily feel attracted to a Rick who wasn’t an asshole.
The last thought made him tense and he pushed it away with force. He didn’t want to think about attraction or feelings, he had buried that part of him on the day when Marisol had died.
And yet, it was the second time in a short period that he had thought about a man in the connection of attraction. First he had wondered about Salvatore Cellio, now he was thinking about Rick Stetler.
When he had left Miami, he had promised himself that he would move on. He had just never imagined that he would keep that promise.
---
*Chapter 9 – Dating or not?*
“You went to see him?” Rick nodded at Mike’s question and at the same time he braced himself for the interrogation that was sure to follow. Mike though remained silent and simply walked into the kitchen. When he came back he held two beers in his hand.
“And?”
Rick didn’t look at Mike and sighed. “He was civil. Too civil...”
He couldn’t really find the words to explain what he had felt when he had spoken to Horatio. “He’s happy here.”
Mike studied him silently and Rick felt himself suddenly, inexplicably angry. “Why don’t you say anything? Tell me, that you told me so? That I’m a fool?”
As soon as he had spoken the last word he really felt foolish and with a sigh, he slumped back on the sofa. “Sorry.”
Mike sighed and got up, sat down next to Rick and Rick felt his friend’s hand on his back. “What did you expect, Rick?”
“I don’t know.” Rick shrugged without looking up. “Anger, hatred, anything but this complete indifference. It was as if he didn’t even care that I was there.”
He couldn’t sit still anymore and getting up he started to pace in the living room until Mike had enough. Strong hands on Rick’s shoulders’ stopped him, and then he was gently pushed towards the couch and urged to sit down.
“Tell me everything, ok?”
Rick closed his eyes for a second, then he shook his head. “Why?”
“Because I know the new Horatio better than you.” Mike’s simple answer made Rick look up questioningly. “He’s got a new life here, Rick, and he had to start over again. That changes a person.”
He had seen that change, Rick thought, had seen it in the house Horatio lived in. There had been books and nice furniture, the place had looked homey and lived in despite the fact that Horatio couldn’t have lived there for very long.
It had also been a big change to the house, Horatio had owned in Miami. Rick looked at Mike and with a sigh, he started to tell his friend about his conversation with Horatio. Mike listened without comment until Rick fell silent and looked at him.
“I don’t think he’s indifferent. I just think that he had moved on while you haven’t.”
Confused Rick looked at Mike for some further explanation which he got immediately. “Rick, you still see yourself as Horatio’s archrival, as his nemesis so to speak. You’re still in Miami with your mind, where Horatio and you clashed whenever you met, but for Horatio it’s different. He’s moved on literally and maybe mentally as well. For him, the hostility between the two of you was probably a minor irritation and now it’s a non issue.”
A minor irritation... Rick knew that Mike meant well, and he also knew that his friend couldn’t understand how much the encounters with Horatio had meant to Rick, how much he had craved even the hostile contact between them because at least then he wasn’t invisible to the other man.
“Rick?” Mike’s eyes were concerned and Rick smiled quickly masking his dark thoughts. “You gonna stay for a while aren’t you?”
There was a part of Rick that wanted to leave, wanted to run away, but he had told Horatio the truth, he was tired, tired of running, tired of searching and most of all tired of being alone all the time. Most of all though, he knew that he still owed Horatio the full truth, the complete disclosure of what had really happened during his last months in Miami. Slowly, Rick nodded.
“Yeah, I think I will.”
Mike smiled. “Good, because I’m pretty sure that once the first shock of seeing you has worn off, Horatio will want to talk to you.”
---
*Philadelphia*
“Lilly said that you asked Caine to become a contractor for the department.” John Stillman had been reading the papers and now he looked up surprised to meet his partner’s eyes. They had been enjoying a leisurely breakfast, happy to make the most of their free weekend, but right now, he could see that Scotty was angry and frowning he looked at his lover.
“Yeah, I did.” Scotty frowned at his answer and John took a closer look at the younger man. “Why are you so against him? He’s a good CSI and he certainly provided some good insight last time.”
Scotty was tense and his jaw was set stubbornly and John suddenly understood. Gently he took Scotty’s hand in his and made his partner look at him. “I’m not trying to replace you or anyone else in the team. You know that, don’t you?”
Seeing the fear in Scotty’s eyes and noting the slight flinch at his words, John shook his head. “Scotty, what’s wrong?”
“He’s so much better suited for you than me.”
Scotty spoke slowly and so quietly that John had a hard time hearing the words. When he did, though, he shook his head. “Don’t be an idiot, Scotty. I don’t even know the man, and I have no reason to look for anyone. I have you, don’t I?”
In the beginning of their relationship, John had been the one who had felt insecure. He was almost twenty-five years older than Scotty, had already fought in a war by the time Scotty was born and when they had gotten together, he had been sure that one day Scotty would wake up and realize that he’d tied himself to an old man. John had been afraid of that happening, but Scotty stayed with him.
It was weird, how the mere appearance of another man in their unit had the power to unsettle Scotty and with a sigh, John got up and pulled Scotty in his arms. “I don’t want anyone else. I love you.”
Scotty held onto him and slowly John felt him relax. “I know, theoretically, but sometimes, I just...”
“Need confirmation” John finished the sentence for him and kissed Scotty gently. “You have nothing to worry about.”
---
*Princeton*
It was stupid to be nervous about going out for drinks, wasn’t it? Horatio sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror and critically brushed a non existent dust particle from his dark suit jacket. Salvatore had sent him a text with the name of a bar and Horatio had no idea what kind of a place the bar was. He expected it to be upscale and distinguished something that he thought would fit the always well dressed professor.
Toying with a heavier winter jacket, he finally decided to leave it at home. He would be driving and even though it was only March it was already warm enough to be out just in a suit and jacket for a short time. He put the jacket back and his hand brushed against the silk scarf he had bought last week. The touch of the soft material made him shiver as he remembered Salvatore carefully touching his hand on the balcony.
It had been such a quick moment, and yet it was long since anyone had touched Horatio tenderly or even sexually.
I’m going to make an ass of myself on this date. A part of him wanted to call Salvatore and cancel, but even as he entertained the thought, he knew that he would go. The other man intrigued him and he was curious as to what the evening would bring.
---
Wilson knew that doctors made the worst patients, and of course he had been sure that he would be different, but it turned out he had been wrong. Two days after he had woken up, he was so bored and grumpy that Chase took one look at him and laughed.
“I’ll start calling you House soon.”
He growled at Chase, but couldn’t help smiling back when Chase sat down in the visitor’s chair next to his bed. “When can I get out of here?”
Chase shrugged. “Well, I think they’ll want to keep you for a couple more days, but you have to clear it with Dr. Miller.”
He had a feeling that they kept him in the hospital longer than necessary. Chase shrugged again when he told him so and smiled kindly. “You gave us all a really big scare. We just want to be sure, you’re ok.”
Wilson knew that his collapse and subsequent coma had scared those who worked with him and he understood the need of making sure he was ok, what he didn’t understand though was the fawning that he got from almost everybody who walked into his room. He had had an accident and had needed brain surgery. He was alive because Derek Shepherd had done a great job in releasing his hematoma. He wasn’t a hero, wasn’t someone special, he hadn’t done anything great, he had simply survived. He didn’t say anything though, instead he changed the topic.
“When are you back at work?”
“Monday”. Chase wanted to say something else, but he stopped when the door opened and Foreman came in.
“Good to see you up, Dr. Wilson.” Foreman smiled at him before he bent down and kissed Chase hello. “How are you feeling?”
“Better if I could go home.”
The words were out before Wilson could censor them and he saw how Chase and Foreman exchanged a grin. “And no I do not sound like House.”
“Well there’s a relief, cause this hospital cannot survive two Gregory House.” Cuddy’s voice made him look at the door and he groaned. He liked having visitors, but the constant throng of doctors and hospital staff was wearing him out quickly.
“Actually, Dr. Chase and Foreman, I think Dr. Wilson needs some rest. Visiting hours, you know.” Wilson smiled thankfully as Cuddy and when everybody had left, he closed his eyes for a moment.
He had almost died. The thought sometimes snuck up on him unexpectedly and whenever it did, it terrified him. He didn’t remember much of the accident, only bright lights and a loud crash. Neither did he remember how he had gotten to Greg’s house, or his collapse.
He had lost almost six days in which he had been in a coma. Six days of his life of which he had no recollection, Wilson shivered. The thought of those six days scared him almost as much as the fact that he had almost died.
---
He was hiding behind his newest puzzling case like a coward, but of course he would never admit that. Instead he growled at Cuddy who dared to comment on the fact that his visits to Jimmy were awfully short and always filled with doctor talk.
What was he supposed to talk about? Jimmy clearly didn’t remember what he had told House during the ride to the hospital and the longer House thought about it, the more he wondered if he had just dreamt the entire scene.
“He will be discharged in two, three days.”
His wandering mind caught up with Cuddy and he glared at her. “It’s too early.”
She smiled. “He’s a doctor, if we keep him in any longer, he’ll discharge himself.”
The words ‘just as you would’ were hanging unspoken in the air, but House wasn’t in the mood for another argument. He was too worried about Jimmy and even though he knew that he was playing into Cuddy’s hands, he couldn’t help but commenting.
“He’ll need someone to watch over him.”
Cuddy didn’t answer, simply looked at him with a knowing smile. House growled at his boss, but they both knew it was just for show and after another second of locking eyes, he gave in. “He can stay with me.”
She smiled angelically at him, but he could see the triumphant glint in her eyes as she turned around and walked towards the door. House sat down and sighed. Jimmy at his home, he had always wanted that, hadn’t he?
Suddenly a grin crossed his face, he had told Jimmy that he owed House for the scare he had given him. What better way to make him pay in the most pleasurable way when Jimmy already lived with him?
---
Salvatore was early, but he didn’t mind waiting for Horatio and as he watched the people in the bar, took in the calm, sedate atmosphere, he could feel himself relax slowly. He loved the homey little bar that he had found by chance a couple of years ago. Dark wooden tables and an almost black wooden floor gave a somber note to the colorful chairs and the mellow lighting.
It was a bar that had been furnished with comfort and not style in mind and yet it seemed stylish because of the wonderful paintings on the wall and the modern sculptures in the alcoves. The main reason why Salvatore liked it though wasn’t the art or the interior design, it was its wine list.
Right now as he waited for Horatio he was enjoying a glass of Amarone di Valpolicello, a dark heavy, rich Italian red wine and he savored the taste of grapes and chocolate on his tongue. He was about to order another glass when the waiter led Horatio to his table.
“Horatio, I’m glad you could make it.”
Horatio nodded and an almost shy smile crossed his face as he sat down. “I wasn’t sure what to expect when you told me to meet you here. It doesn’t look like much from the outside, but it’s beautiful.”
“I found it by chance, and then I came back again and again. They have one of Princeton’s best wine cellars.”
Salvatore handed Horatio the menu and secretly watched as the red head turned his attention towards the selection of wines. Horatio Caine was a good looking man. It was a fact that Salvatore had registered a while ago, but had never thought more about it.
Without Anne’s subtle hints, he would have never guessed that Horatio might be interested, but the other man’s behavior at her dinner party had shown him that Horatio was.
“Anything you can recommend?” Horatio’s voice brought Salvatore from his musings and meeting Horatio’s eyes, he smiled. He leaned over a bit, and let his voice caress Horatio’s ears.
“What’s your preference, Horatio? Rich and strong wines, like Bordeaux or Barollo or more the soft, pleasing ones?”
Horatio swallowed hard and blushed, before he met Salvatore’s eyes again. “I would say that depends on the mood.”
Taking the other man’s hand was tempting, but something told Salvatore that Horatio would not appreciate such a gesture so soon after he got here. Later maybe he would be ok, when the evening had gone on and they had had a good time in each other’s company, right now though Salvatore knew that he had to reign himself in.
“If you don’t mind the heavier wines. They have a wonderful Amarone, that I can only recommend.”
Soon after they each had a glass in front of them and Salvatore watched as Horatio took a first sip. Horatio swallowed and smiled.
“You were right, this is wonderful wine. Where does it come from?”
“Valpolicella is a part of the province of Verona, it’s in the North, just east of Lake Garda.”
“You’re from Italy, aren’t you?” Salvatore nodded at Horatio’s question.
“Yes, but from the southern part of Italy. My family is from Sicily, and I grew up there until I went to university. Then I moved to Milan. It was like moving to a different planet, the only thing that stayed the same was the language.”
Horatio seemed fascinated, but Salvatore didn’t want to be the only one talking and so gave the question back to Horatio. “Where are you from? Miami?”
“No, I’m originally from New York.” Something in Horatio’s tone indicated that he didn’t want to pursue that line and Salvatore respected the unspoken wish by starting to talk about their planned lectures.
---
Somehow within the first ten minutes of their ‘date’, Horatio realized that his nervousness had disappeared. There was something else he realized though, and that was the fact that his previous attraction to Salvatore hadn’t returned yet. Yes, he enjoyed the conversation, enjoyed the company, but right now he felt comfortable instead of excited. For a moment, he wondered what had changed since Anne’s dinner party, but then he pushed the thought aside. Salvatore was easy to talk to and their topics ranged from wine to the university and to Horatio’s part time job with the Trenton PD.
“How did you get to Princeton?”
Horatio sighed for a moment at the question, but somehow it didn’t hurt so much to think or talk about Marisol anymore. “My wife was killed. I had managed to piss off the wrong guys and she paid for it.”
Salvatore’s eyes were full of compassion as the Italian looked at him. “Gangs or mafia?”
Horatio smiled bitterly and shrugged. “There isn’t much of a difference between the two in Miami.”
“It used to be that the family was taboo, but that’s a long time ago.” Salvatore smiled wryly at Horatio’s surprised look. “Horatio, I’m from Sicily. My family has been living there for centuries and they were not poor. These two things, plus the fact that none of my family was ever killed… I never asked, and I’m pretty sure that no one in my family is an active member, still some part of your business or your life is touched by the mafia. That’s just how it goes there.”
The matter of fact way Salvatore talked about his family’s possible involvement with the organized crime shocked Horatio and he knew that his shock was visible in his eyes when Salvatore shook his head. “It’s hard to understand for someone who is not from Sicily. The thing is though, when I was a kid, almost forty years ago, the mafia was the only working structure, the government was basically non existent and what did exist was corrupt. It wasn’t like it is in the US where you can trust the authorities and where you know that you r application for a building permit for instance is processed as soon as possible. Unless you paid the right person the right amount of money, nothing got done. In the end, it didn’t matter whether you went to the officials and paid them or went directly to the mafia...”
There was a lot of resignation in Salvatore’s voice. Horatio couldn’t imagine living in a place where the authorities were non existent, the belief in the state and in the justice system was one of the pillars upon which Horatio had built his life.
“Was that why you left?”
Salvatore shook his head. “It was one of the reasons. In the end, though, it was the missing opportunities. I wanted to be a scientist and there isn’t much to do for them in Sicily unless you study volcanoes. And of course the fact that I discovered my preference for men didn’t exactly make me stay either.”
“Do you miss it?”
“I miss my family, and the sun. Princeton’s weather is kind of torture for me.” Salvatore laughed, a full rich laugh that made his eyes suddenly light up and transformed his serious face.
“I hear you, after all this time in Miami, I miss the sun too.”
Salvatore looked at him over the rim of the wine glass and smiled slowly. “I bet you do.”
The waitress walked by asking if they wanted another drink and after quickly checking his watch, Horatio nodded. He didn’t have any plans tomorrow apart from visiting James in the hospital and so they continued to chat and talk until Salvatore suddenly smiled.
“This has become something other than a date, hasn’t it?”
Seeing the dark eyes look at him openly, Horatio nodded slowly. “Yes, it has.”
He wanted to say more, but Salvatore silenced him by reaching out and touching his hand gently. “Don’t you dare apologizing, Horatio. It’s good as it is, you know?”
Still feeling almost guilty Horatio nodded when Salvatore shook his head with a broad grin. “Don’t worry, honestly, ok? I’d rather we’re good friends, than bad lovers anyway.
Horatio laughed at that, but when he walked to his car, he nevertheless wondered what had happened between Tuesday and Saturday to make the attraction between them disappear. In the end he gave up and it was only when he fell asleep that another pair of dark eyes flittered through his mind and he finally acknowledged what had changed since Tuesday.
---
Mike and Rick were reading the Sunday paper when Mike’s phone rang. Silently praying that it wasn’t a new case, he picked it up and smiled when he noticed the caller id. “It’s Horatio.”
Rick tensed for a moment, then got up and left the living room without a word. Mike sighed and was about to call Rick back into the room but then decided to let his friend be and answered the phone.
“Horatio, what can I do for you?”
Horatio was silent for a moment, and when he finally spoke his voice was both cold and strangely vulnerable. “Rick said that he is staying with you.”
“He is, yes.” Mike wondered whether Horatio was angry at him for telling Rick about Horatio’s whereabouts, but instead the other man sighed and after a second of silence continued speaking.
“Is he there?”
“He’s not in the room, but he’s here with me.” Again Horatio’s tentative questioning was out of character and Mike wondered why.
“He said that to call when I had time. I… I don’t know it just feels as if he hasn’t told me everything.”
“Do you want to talk to him?”
“No, just... Just tell him that I’m home tomorrow night, if he wants to come over.” Horatio’s answer came fast, too fast almost as if he was afraid of talking to Rick and Mike narrowed his eyes in thought.
“Are you ok, H?”
Horatio sighed. “I will be, Mike. I will be.”
They ended the call and when Mike went looking for Rick, he found his friend in his guest room staring out of the window. “He wants to see you.”
Rick turned around slowly and looked at Mike. “He does?”
“He said that he will be around tomorrow night. I think you should go.”
Rick turned back to the window. He didn’t say anything and after a moment Mike shook his head. “You have to go, Rick, if you don’t go today, he won’t ask you again.”
Rick didn’t respond, then though he sighed. “I know.”
---
Cuddy had allowed Wilson to get up and walk around a bit and so he met Horatio in the cafeteria instead of his room, even though it felt weird to be here as a patient instead of a doctor. If the weather had been good, he would have gone up on the terrace, but the rain had prevented that and so he was either stuck in his room or in the cafeteria.
“Everybody is looking at me.”
Horatio laughed at his complaint. “And that is different to normal how?”
It was different, Wilson thought, different because normally when he was here, people looked at him because he was good looking, because he was a doctor, now though they looked at him because he had been injured, because he had become a patient. Horatio’s hand on his made him look up.
“No one sees you as weak, you realize that, don’t you?”
Cursing how his friend could read him like a book, Wilson nodded. “I know, but...”
Taking a sip of his coffee, he decided to change the topic and looked at his friend. “How was you r date?”
Horatio laughed and shook his head. “It wasn’t.”
“What?” Frowning Wilson looked at Horatio and shook his head. “Don’t tell me you chickened out and cancelled.”
“No, but it wasn’t a date. It was fun and enjoyable, but a date needs attraction and there was none.” Horatio shrugged, but his words sounded final.
Surprised at Horatio’s comment, Wilson looked closer at his friend, but something in Horatio’s eyes made him change topic. He could see that Horatio didn’t really want to talk about last night.
“Chase and Foreman are moving in together, did you hear?”
“No, he never said anything. That’s kind of fast...” Horatio sounded every bit like a protective parent and Wilson couldn’t help but grin.
“You seriously adopted the lad, haven’t you?”
Horatio sighed. “Someone had to, from what he told me about his real father...”
Wilson shook his head and grinned. “So do I have to warn Foreman, that you’ll be wanting to have the talk with him?”
Horatio grinned. “I think he knows, that I know how to hide bodies.”
---
House had watched Caine and Jimmy walk towards the cafeteria and as he slowly followed them, he made up his mind. He needed to tell Jimmy that Jimmy would stay with him for the next couple of weeks and now was as good as any other time.
“Jimmy, just the man I wanted to see. And Ginger… how are you?” He sat down and stole some of Jimmy’s coffee.
Caine simply raised an eyebrow at the nickname, Jimmy though frowned at him. “Greg, why don’t you sit down and help yourself?”
House grinned and promptly grabbed one of the Danish delights that were on the plate. He noticed Caine’s grin, but immediately focused on Jimmy as he looked at him.
“Cuddy’s releasing you on Wednesday. You’ll stay with me.”
Jimmy smiled and House noticed him exchanging an amused glance with Caine, before Jimmy looked at him and frowned. “With you? I don’t need a babysitter...”
House saw Caine reaching out to Jimmy and he was sure that the red head was about to offer Jimmy to stay with him. He prevented that by glaring at Jimmy and interrupting him.
“You stay with me, no discussion. We lived together before and anyway you love me, I love you, so everything is perfect.”
He saw the shock in Jimmy’s face and got up as quickly as his leg allowed him leaving two stunned men behind him.
---
*Chapter 10 – Talks*
*Princeton*
Tuesday evening had come faster than he had expected, Rick thought as he walked from his car to Horatio’s house. He both dreaded the meeting with the other man and at the same time he looked forward to it. It was his chance to clear the air between them, his chance to make Horatio understand what had happened, but Rick didn’t fool himself. It might be his chance, but it was also his only chance.
If Horatio didn’t believe him, or worse if he believed him and still hated him, then all of Rick’s dreams and hopes would be dead.
For a moment he stood in front of the house and just looked at it. When he had seen it the first time last week, he had been shocked. Shocked at how it screamed home to him. It had been a first impression then, but now he took the time to really look at the house and he noticed the new coat of paint, the work that was obviously been done in the garden and once again, he was hit by the thought that Horatio was turning this into a real home.
A real home, a real job and in the end a real life. Rick couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more, and this time it didn’t shock him. It just made him hope that maybe he’d be a part of it.
---
This time, Horatio wasn’t surprised to see Rick Stetler standing on his front porch, but he still couldn’t get over the changes in the other man’s appearance. Rick looked better today than he had the last time, Horatio had seen, the dark shadows under his eyes had faded and he was clean shaven.
“Rick, thanks for coming.”
A quick smile crossed over Rick’s face, but it was gone before Horatio could read it and he showed his former colleague into the living room. “Would you like something to drink?”
He had already opened a bottle of wine and Rick nodded slowly. “I take a glass, if you have one too.”
Horatio handed him the glass and Rick smiled. “I didn’t know that you like wine.”
Thinking about the discussions he had had with Salvatore, Horatio smiled before he replied. “One of my colleagues at the university is Italian, he has started to introduce me to the world of wines.”
Sitting down opposite Rick, Horatio wondered why he felt so comfortable, why it felt so right to have Rick here, then though he remembered why he had asked Rick over and pushed the warm feeling away.
“What didn’t you tell me?”
He knew that unconsciously he had slipped into his interrogator voice when he saw Rick look up sharply. For a moment Horatio wanted to take the words back, but then he saw Rick close his eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.
“Five years ago, I got a call from the sheriff’s office and was asked to launch an in-depth investigation into you and your team because allegedly you had broken protocol in the Clavo Cruz case.” Horatio nodded slowly. He wasn’t too surprised that this specific case had ruffled some feathers. He was surprised though by Rick’s dark laugh and the other man’s hard eyes as Rick continued to speak.
“I laughed at them, cause as much as I sometimes scoffed at your methods, I never actually believed that you would bend the law to make a conviction.” Rick laughed harshly and got up to stand at the window. His voice was quiet as he continued.
“They told me that if I wanted to keep my job and if I knew what was good for me career wise, I better launch the investigation. I knew what they meant, that they would discredit me if I refused. I guess a part of me jumped at the chance to beat you, to get the upper hand, but when I looked into you and your team I found things that weren’t my concern, had nothing to do with the actual allegation... I guess you could say that I got too close.”
Horatio frowned at the bitter tone, but when Rick didn’t continue he got up and put a hand onto Rick’s shoulder. “What did you find out?”
Rick turned around and looked right into Horatio’s eyes. “I found out that Speedle and Delko were an item and that you were in love with Speedle.”
Horatio tensed and unconsciously stepped away from Rick. “How did you know?”
Rick didn’t meet his eyes as he shrugged. “I followed them one night and saw them out together. They didn’t really hide it once they were away from the office.”
“How did you find out about me?”
Again Rick shrugged. “I saw you waiting in front of Speedle’s house one night and I watched you. You were careful never to reveal anything, but I... I knew what to look for, I guess.”
“You never reported any of it.”
It was a statement not a question. Horatio knew that had Rick reported Speed and Eric, they would have gotten in trouble. He was curious though as to why Rick had kept his silence.
Rick nodded. “No.”
He didn’t give any explanation, and for a moment there was silence between them, then Rick sighed. “I never reported either of them, but the investigation wasn’t about you or your team anyway. It was about me, they were testing me, trying to find out whether they could manipulate me and with my fear and ambitions, I played right into their hands.
I gave them enough material that they deduced that I was not fond of you, and that’s when they proposed a deal. I was to watch you and your team and report to them on any wrongdoings, if all went according to plan, I’d not only keep my job, but might even get a promotion. They called it ‘quality assurance’ and I was too stupid and scared to understand.”
Horatio watched Rick struggle with the memories, but before he could ask a question, Rick looked up again and met his eyes. “I kept a close eye on you, believing when they told me that it was for the greater good, but I was being played. The person in the sheriff’s office was on Cruz’ payroll.”
“How did you find out?”
“When you left, I got summoned. I was asked why I hadn’t reported on certain instances such as you and Delko flying to Brazil to track down your wife’s killer or why I hadn’t been able to make Delko’s drug charge stick. I wasn’t the only snitch in your department. That’s when I started to look closer at everyone around me and found out.”
“That’s when you quit.” Horatio was surprised at how calm he was. He should be furious at Rick for spying on him and his team, but for some reason he wasn’t. He had always believed that Rick had made him and his team a special target, something that Rick had even confirmed once. Now looking at Rick though, Horatio could see both remorse and anger in the dark eyes.
“Yes.”
“You know about Marisol and about mine and Eric’s trip to Brazil.” Again it wasn’t a question, it was a statement and again Rick nodded. Horatio nodded too and then thoughtfully looked at the dark haired man. “Yet you didn’t report any of it. None of your investigations ever amounted to anything, because you didn’t want them too.”
Rick nodded. “I’m sorry H, I... They played me like the pros that they were, but that’s no excuse. I...”
He trailed off and Horatio saw the sincerity in the dark eyes. The entire conversation they’d just had, had been full of revelations and Horatio felt his head swimming with the new knowledge. He knew that he needed to process what he had heard, before he could give Rick the forgiveness that he was looking for.
The fact that he might actually be able forgive Rick was a revelation in itself and Horatio felt overwhelmed, but at the same time, something still didn’t seem right. “There’s something I don’t understand, you say that you were manipulated into investigating me, but you did more than just that. You taunted me, Rick, you hooked up with Yelena, you got personal, why?”
Rick tensed, but then he took a deep breath and seemed to steel himself. “Because it was personal for me.”
“I don’t understand.” Horatio was confused, didn’t Rick just say that he had been manipulated? Hadn’t he just claimed to not have enjoyed his role? So why was it now suddenly personal?
Rick sighed and smiled sadly. “Why do you think it was so easy for them to manipulate me? You are my weakness, Horatio, have been ever since I met you.”
Rick stopped for a moment and then he met Horatio’s eyes clear and straight on. “It was personal for me, because I love you. I watched you from afar, saw you in love with Speedle and I hated Delko for having what you deserved. I watched you grieve for Speedle and I cursed him for being negligent and for making you go through this grief. I saw you flirt with Yelena and I pursued her, because... because she was a close to you as I could ever get.”
By the time Rick had finished speaking, Horatio was shaking. He wasn’t sure whether it was anger or shock that drove him to get up from his seat and stare at Rick. “You don’t know what love is, Rick. You have no idea. Now get out and don’t ever come back.”
Rick swallowed hard and nodded. He walked towards the door, but before he left the house, he turned around again.
“I know what love is, Horatio. Love is imagining living here with you, getting up in the morning to pick up the paper and some fresh bread from the bakery around the corner, love is imagining waking up next to you in ten years and count the grey hairs on your head. Love is wondering if I can ever do anything to make up for my mistakes. And yes, love is wishing that I had had the courage to tell you all this a long time ago and mourning all that I have lost. But you know what love is too? Love is leaving you even though my entire being wants to just hold you and never let go.”
At the end, Rick’s voice had wavered a little bit and he left quickly. Horatio stood rooted to the spot in his living room, pale as a sheet and shaking with emotions that he couldn’t classify.
What had just happened here?
---
Mike watched worriedly as Rick packed. He had cancelled his date after one look into Rick’s face and now he was glad he had, despite the fact that the woman he had planned to meet would probably never call him again. He could tell from the agitated movements, from the almost hazardous ways his friend threw everything into his suitcase that his talk with Horatio had gone horribly wrong. Rick had come home and immediately started to pack not saying a word to Mike.
“Rick, what is going on?”
Rick turned around and Mike gasped at the pain in the dark eyes. “I told him everything. And he told me to leave and never come back.”
Ouch, Mike winced at the harsh words, but at the same time he didn’t have enough information to know what exactly Rick had told Horatio. It made it hard to judge and to be objective.
“What is everything?”
Rick stilled in his packing and seemed to deflate like a balloon that had lost air. He sat on the bed right on top of some crisp white shirts and hid his head in his hands. “I told him that I love him.”
Mike swallowed hard and even though he had guessed long ago that Rick was in love with Horatio, the confirmation still managed to surprise him. “And he told you to leave?”
It didn’t sound like Horatio and slowly Rick began to tell Mike what he had told Horatio. Mike sighed at the tangled web in which both Rick and Horatio had been caught and seeing it from an outsider’s perspective, he could even understand why Horatio had told Rick to leave.
“What did you expect him to do? You completely ambushed him. How would you have reacted, if your roles would be reversed?”
Rick shrugged, but he avoided Mike’s eyes which was a good indication that he knew Mike was right. Mike smiled at the little boy lost look that Rick suddenly had. He walked towards his friend and put a hand on Rick’s shoulder.
“Are you running away?” Rick tensed at the words and sighed before he smiled ruefully and shook his head.
“I guess I was about to.” Rick turned towards his half-packed suitcase and then looked up at Mike. “You won’t let me though, will you?”
Mike shook his head. “You can’t run from yourself. You spend too long doing that already, stay Rick, because I’m sure Horatio will contact you again.”
Rick’s eyes darkened and he shook his head. “He sounded pretty final.”
“To him, you’re an enigma right now and he won’t stop until he’s figured you out.”
Rick looked doubtful at Mike’s comment, but at least he started to unpack again.
---
Three days after Greg’s shocking comment, Wilson still hadn’t had the time or the possibility to talk to his friend alone. It felt almost as if Greg was avoiding him, which, if Wilson was honest, was probably the truth.
Now though it was Wednesday and he was to be released. Unless Greg had completely changed his mind, he would have to pick Wilson up and finally they would have time to talk. Wilson felt a flutter of anxiety in his stomach at the thought of that talk.
“You love me, I love you, so everything is perfect.”
Greg’s words had both elated and scared Wilson, elated because there was a tiny bit of hope in his mind that Greg had meant what he said and scared because it would hurt so much if it had all been a joke from Greg.
“Not even he would joke about something like that. He was terrified when they brought you in and you wouldn’t wake up.”
Horatio had tried to calm him, to talk some sense into him, but the longer Greg stayed away, the more Wilson was convinced that it had all been a big joke.
“Ready to go?”
Greg stood in the doorway, but as Wilson looked up, Greg refused to meet his eyes. It hurt, and Wilson mentally steeled himself before he nodded. He grabbed the bag he had packed a while ago and followed Greg towards the car. It suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea what had happened to his car.
“Was my car completely destroyed?”
Greg swallowed hard and then nodded. “Yes.”
Well, it wasn’t like he had had a special attachment to the car, still Wilson didn’t look forward to the hassle of getting the insurance company to pay for a new one. Under normal circumstances, the other driver’s insurance would have been liable, but it was unlikely that they would ever find out who had driven the other car.
“Jimmy?” Greg’s hand in front of his face brought him out of his musings and he realized with a start that they were already at the house. “You alright?”
Wilson heard the concern in Greg’s voice and quickly nodded. “Yeah, I was just thinking about the paperwork I’ll have to file before I can get a new car.”
Greg shrugged. “As long as you’re staying here, you won’t need one.”
It made sense, but on the other hand, Wilson didn’t expect to stay with Greg that long, so he made a mental note to file the paperwork quickly and then look for a new car.
“Come on, it’s freezing out here.” It wasn’t actually, Wilson thought, but he didn’t comment on the fact that it was unusually warm for March, instead he just followed Greg into the house.
It was the same as always, he thought as he stood in the living room. His head was spinning lightly and he was annoyed at how weak he still was. He had barely walked 50 feet and still he felt as if he had just climbed a mountain.
“Jimmy, sit down. If you fall and hit your head, Cuddy will have my ass.”
Greg’s comment made him smile faintly, but he still felt much better once he was sitting and resting his head against the back of the couch. Some memory stirred and confused he looked around.
“Jimmy, I need to call the paramedics, you need to go to the hospital.”
Wilson frowned as he remembered being scared out of his mind, remembered himself holding onto Greg pleading with him.
“Don’t leave me, please, don’t leave me.”
“Oh my god.” He shivered as dizzy images of the night assaulted him and he looked up to Greg. “I was here, wasn’t I? I came to see you?”
Greg looked surprised and nodded. “Sure did, covered in blood and all. Gave me almost a heart attack, which really would have been a stupid move, cause who would have called the paramedics then?”
Greg hobbled away and Wilson’s eyes followed him until he couldn’t see his friend anymore. With a sigh he leaned back against the couch. Would Greg continue to avoid him even in his own house?
“Here, no beer for you, but I bought soda.”
The couch dipped and Wilson opened his eyes to see Greg sitting next to him. He held a beer and a coke in his hand and Wilson took the coke with a thankful smile. For a moment Greg looked at him and Wilson had the clear feeling that Greg wanted to tell him something, but then Greg looked away and the moment was lost. “Want to watch some General Hospital?”
Gathering his courage, Wilson put the coke down and carefully touched Greg’s hand. Greg froze but then turned around and looked at Wilson.
“Are we ever going to talk ?”
“Talk about what?”
Wilson wondered whether he should let it drop but deciding against it, he steeled himself against Greg’s sarcasm as he answered calmly. “You told me that you loved me.”
Greg was silent for a moment, then he looked at Wilson for a long time. Finally he nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
Greg’s face was so carefully blank that Wilson suddenly wasn’t sure if he had understood correctly. He was afraid of his next question or more accurately of Greg’s answer. “Did you mean it?”
Again Greg looked at him, but this time Wilson detected a fain trace of vulnerability in the blue eyes right before Greg scoffed. “Sure, always wanted to get into your pants, didn’t you realize that?”
The words were crude and made Wilson recoil, but the look in Greg’s face was both defensive and scared and suddenly another memory resurfaced.
“I love you, you know? I wish I could tell you. But then you’d leave... Don’t leave me.”
Oh god, he had told Greg that he loved him. Wilson remembered faintly that he had thought he was talking to a ghost, but...
“You were there, I told you that I loved you.”
Greg’s eyes closed for a moment and when they opened again, Wilson gasped at the raw emotion that stood there. Slowly Greg reached out and grabbed Wilson’s hands. “You broke my heart that night.”
Wilson’s heart stopped beating for a moment at that admission and at the tender gesture which was so unlike Greg. He didn’t know what to say, until he realized that the only thing he could answer was the truth. “I told you the truth, Greg, I love you.”
---
House hadn’t thought that he would ever hear those words again. He had treasured them even knowing that Jimmy hadn’t known House was there when he said them. Today was different though, this time there was no drama, no life threatening situation, it was just Jimmy looking at him with love. The admission released some of his pain and he grinned at his best friend and soon to be lover.
“Well now that’s out of the way, can we make out?”
---
“Horatio, we have a triple homicide, three teenagers shot down in a local bar. Do you have time?”
Horatio would probably never admit it, but he actually felt relieved to hear Michael’s voice. He had been preparing for the university course, but his mind had kept drifting back to his conversation with Rick and he had been unable to concentrate.
Suddenly the though of going out to a crime scene and lose himself in the concentration needed to work it, sounded really good and immediately he told Michael that he would work the case. Ten minutes later, he had his kit packed and drove off towards the location Michael had given him.
The bar was in a nice area, not somewhere where gunfights were a regular occasion, not the dingy run down place that Horatio had expected. Two detectives were waiting for him and Horatio recognized Detective Matthews as one of them.
Matthews greeted him with a smile that vanished as he pointed towards the bar’s entrance. “Not a nice scene, but knock yourself out.”
Horatio sighed and nodded. “Have you identified the victims already?”
Matthews’ partner nodded. “Luke Penton, David Foster and Mark McGannon, all students at Princeton University.”
Horatio tensed and swallowed hard. These kids might have been his students one day. The thought shook him, but he pushed it away as he ducked underneath the yellow crime scene band and stepped onto the crime scene.
The first thought that occurred to him was that for a crime scene in a bar, it was surprisingly clean. For a moment he stood at the perimeter and took in the big picture. There were bottles on the floor, and a table had been turned over, but apart from the obvious signs of people fleeing from violence there was very little mess.
Sighing he walked over to the ME who kneeled next to one of the victims. “Cause of death?”
The brunette man looked up and sighed. “Gun shot wounds to the heads, legs, and kidneys. These kids weren’t targeted, the shots are too random.”
“Wrong place, wrong time?”
The doctor nodded. “I think so, but it’s your call.”
Horatio didn’t answer, instead he started to work on the evidence diligently swabbing and collecting the items he found. It was quiet around him now that even the ME had retreated and while he could hear the officers speak outside, everything was muted in the bar. It felt as if he was in a completely different world.
“Love is imagining living here with you, getting up in the morning to pick up the paper and some fresh bread from the bakery around the corner...”
The memory of Rick standing in his living room, looking at him with eyes full of emotions assaulted Horatio and he shivered before he forced those thoughts away. He had three dead students that deserved justice.
“Found anything valuable?” Matthews’ voice made him look up and he smiled at the detective.
“Not sure yet, but my first assessment is that the doc was right. They weren’t specifically targeted. It seems more likely that the bar was the target. Have you spoken with the manager or owner?”
Matthews nodded. “Both actually. They both said that the locals weren’t happy at first when they opened up because they aren’t local, but they have been in business for a while now without any incidents.”
Horatio sighed. “I’ll go back to the lab and need to run some tests. I’ll call you if I find anything.”
Matthews left him alone and Horatio picked up the cases with the evidence and placed everything in the hummer. Driving off, he dialed James’ number and waited for the other man to pick up.
“James, hi, I need to cancel lunch. I got a case.”
“Sure, can we meet later today? I’ve got news.” James’ voice sounded both excited and exhausted and Horatio suddenly knew what his friend wanted to tell him.
“You know, you shouldn’t do anything too exhausting with your injury.”
He heard James sputter for a moment and then the other man laughed. “We’re both doctors, Horatio. We know what we’re doing.”
It struck Horatio how weird it was that both Robert and James had found their partners while being injured, but then in both cases maybe the injury had been the push Eric and House had needed to come clean.
“I’ll come around after the lab. And no, I don’t want all the details.”
James laughed and Horatio was still smiling as he arrived at the lab. Michael was there running some kind of test explaining it to the two younger CSIs. Horatio waved at them and got a nod back, before he ducked into the empty lab on the right side and started to analyze what he had found.
“Love is imagining waking up next to you in ten years and count the grey hairs on your head...”
Again Rick’s words resonated through his mind and again Horatio pushed them aside and concentrated on the fingerprints he had lifted.
“Do you need help?”
Stephen Dobic stood in the door and Horatio saw the eagerness in the younger man’s eyes. Normally he worked his cases alone, but today he was grateful for the company and so he nodded and started to explain to Stephen what he needed from him.
They worked well together, Horatio thought hours later as Stephen thanked him and left and with a smile, Horatio picked up his phone and let Matthews know about his findings.
“The bullets came back with no match, they were too destroyed. But we found a print on one of the shell casings, it belongs to a Igor Kardow, I’ll send you the coordinates if you need them.”
Matthews snorted. “No need, I know Igor, he’s one of Petrowic’s men. The one Petrowic sends in when he wants to make a statement. I think we need to talk to the manager and the owner again, even though if they are really being blackmailed by Petrowic, then I understand that they didn’t want to talk about it.”
Horatio had heard of the Russian mob leader, but he hadn’t known that Petrowic’s mob was involved in clubs and bars. “What do you think he wanted?”
“Most likely for the bar to become a part of his distribution network.” Matthews’ answer was immediate and Horatio nodded to himself.
“Drugs.”
“Drugs and girls.” Matthews confirmed. “Do you have anything to tie Petrowic to the shooting or just Kardow?”
Horatio knew the game, knew that Kardow would probably go down for the killings, but that unless they managed to take down Petrowic another man would simply take Kardow’s place. “Nothing so far.”
“I’ll bring Kardow in, do you want to sit in during the interview tomorrow morning?”
“Why don’t you bring him in today?” Horatio hated to wait, but Matthews laughed.
“Oh, we’ll bring him in today, but I think he’ll talk easier if he’s spent a night in jail.”
Looking at Kardow’s rap sheet, Horatio doubted that a single night in a holding cell would scare the man, but it wasn’t his call and so he simply told Matthews that he would be there for the interview. He frowned at the phone as he put it down and sighed. This was one of the moments when he regretted having given back his shield, because his gut told him that they needed to talk to Kardow as quickly as possible.
But he wasn’t a lieutenant anymore, he wasn’t even a detective. He was after all just a consultant.
“Love is wondering if I can ever do anything to make up for my mistakes”
“I hate you Rick.” His words were heated, but even as he said them he shook his head. He didn’t hate Rick. If he had, then he could have forgotten about the air of defeat that had hung around Rick, he could have forgotten about the passionate words and most of all he wouldn’t have dreamed about exactly those things that Rick had spoken about.
---
*Chapter 11 – Acceptance*
*Trenton, NJ*
“To good forensics and capturing the bad guys.” Matthews raised his glass and laughed at Horatio.
Horatio smiled back and nodded. “And to good interrogators.”
He had underestimated Detective Matthews. While he had been right and a night in prison had not had any visible effect on Kardow, the sly interrogation technique Matthews certainly had had.
He didn’t confront Kardow with the evidence and never even tried to get him to confess that he worked for Petrowic, in fact Matthews had not even mentioned the evidence after introducing Horatio as a forensic expert. Instead he had somehow managed to imply that Petrowic might consider Kardow’s incarceration as something positive because he had gotten rid of an important rival.
During the entire interrogation Matthews had not lied once, but had managed to skew the facts just enough for Kardow to finally believe that he had been set up by his own employer.
Horatio had watched the detective and had been more than impressed when Kardow in a fit of anger and hatred had started to talk and had given them the confession they had needed. Petrowic really had ordered the hit in the bar.
Matthews had stopped the interrogation at that point and had immediately called a DA who was now sitting together with Kardow’s lawyer in order to make a deal about potentially getting even more evidence about the organization around Petrowic.
Now they were in a bar near the precinct and Matthews grinned at Horatio. “I have to admit, Horatio, I did have my doubts about you. But hey, thumbs up for you.”
Weird as it was, Horatio felt himself blush at the praise. He wasn’t used to it, not because he hadn’t done a good job before, but because it had been normal for the cops in Miami.
“Thanks, but as I said before. Petrowic is your case. That interrogation was perfect.”
Matthews smiled. “I took some specific classes at the FBI a while ago. Confessions were for a long time the only way to get a conviction, as we couldn’t rely on evidence.”
Two women walked past their table and Matthews nodded appreciatively. Horatio grinned a bit when the detective turned around whistled while looking bashful at the same time. “Just don’t tell my wife.”
“You’re married?”
Matthews nodded at Horatio’s question. “Yeah, twelve years in summer. I was a beat cop when we met her, actually gave her a parking ticket. We’ve got two girls. Do you want to see them?”
Gone was the ogling guy and in its place was a proud dad as he showed Horatio pictures of two girls. “Lianne is six and Mary is eight. And believe me they already have their mother’s stubbornness...”
Something tugged at Horatio’s heart at the sight of the pretty girls. Marisol and he had tried for a baby and had things gone differently he might have had pictures to show in return.
“Love is leaving you even though my entire being wants to just hold you and never let go.”
Rick’s words once again ran through him and Horatio shivered. Matthews looked at him concerned. “You’re cold?”
Horatio shook his head and smiled. “No I’m fine. Tired, but in a good way, you know.”
They shared another smile before they both paid and went home and despite the fact that he had achieved a big victory in fighting crime, it took Horatio a long time to fall asleep.
---
*Princeton*
Cameron had been watching House all day and by the time her afternoon break came up, she knew that something was different. House had been grumpy and rude as usual, but he also had been fidgety and checked his phone constantly.
“Are you expecting an important call?”
Foreman’s question had Cameron look at her colleague with wide eyes. Did Foreman have a death wish? Chase apparently wondered the same and as their eyes met, Cameron could see complete bewilderment in Chase’s eyes. House though growled at his phone before glaring at Foreman.
“Is your question relevant to the case? No, so why don’t you sit down and try to think about how we’re going to cure Mr. Smither?”
Foreman glared at House, but before he could answer, Chase jumped into the conversation. “He’s not reacting to the antibiotics, but if the infection he has is viral then antibiotics wouldn’t help anyway. And I say it again the tests came back negative. I still think we should do a scan of his head.”
Foreman shook his head and immediately started to argue against Chase’s suggestion but Cameron tuned them both out as she heard House’s phone vibrate. House looked at it and immediately got up and walked out of the room. Cameron watched as he walked back and forth and seemed to get more agitated with every word he said until finally he threw the phone into a corner. The sound of the phone hitting the glass wall made both Chase and Foreman jump and they turned around the looked at House in surprise.
“Scan him if you want even though it won’t help anything. Then if you really want to save him put him on the following cocktail.” House rattled off a couple of drugs and without another word he turned around and left.
Chase and Foreman looked at each other. “Why doesn’t he just tell us that he knows what they guy has?”
The three of them divided the work and while Chase prepared the drug cocktail Cameron watched him and sighed. “Do you think something happened to Wilson?”
Chase looked up and after a second of consideration he shrugged. “With anybody but House I’d say yes, but House is unpredictable.”
---
House was fuming as he walked into Cuddy’s office. “What do you mean, you can’t grant me two weeks off?”
She looked at him and raised on eyebrow. “Exactly what I said, you can’t take two weeks off. We are short in staff and I know that you are currently treating a patient. Apart from that, there is a reason why staff needs to fill in requests for holidays in advance. You can’t just decide that you want to take two weeks off starting yesterday.”
For a second House tried to contain his anger but gave up immediately and instead indulged in the red hot feeling cursing through him. “The team can take care of the patient, aren’t always telling me that I need to let them fly? Well now they can fly to Africa if they want. I’m taking these two weeks.”
Cuddy got up and frowned while meeting House’s glare heads on. “I need you here. You have clinic duty.”
Scoffing at the comment, House walked back towards the door. “If something real comes in, call me, but I won’t play monkey to your circus and do clinic duty when I know that Wilson is at home and might need me.”
She looked surprised for a second, then smiled. “You sure that Wilson wants you around all the time?”
House felt the words like a low blow. They hurt even more because if House was honest, then he really wasn’t sure if Jimmy wanted him around. Sure they had spent every night together since their mutual admissions of love, but they hadn’t done anything but holding onto each other and sleep.
Would Jimmy think it was overprotective of House? He considered the thought for a moment, then though decided that it was his house and his life and even if he loved Jimmy, he was his guest and if he didn’t like Jimmy’s presence, then he could go and mope in the guest bedroom.
“I didn’t ask.”
Cuddy fixed him with her eyes until she finally nodded. “If something comes in that your team cannot handle, you’ll be here no matter what time of the day.”
It was more than House had hoped for but it wouldn’t do his reputation any good if he thanked her, so he simply huffed and glared at here. “Why couldn’t you just say yes, without making a fuss?”
He left while muttering silently to himself. For a moment, he thought about stopping in his office to let someone know about him being gone, but then figured that his team would either realize it or Cuddy would tell them. He had more important things to do.
---
*Miami*
“Horatio, what are you doing here?” Alexx was completely surprised to see Horatio standing on her porch. He hadn’t called or sent a text or anything, and she immediately knew that something was wrong when he shook his head and didn’t meet her eyes.
“I needed to talk to someone.”
It was bad, she realized, so bad that he couldn’t talk to her on the phone and concerned she led him into the house glad that her kids were still in school and her husband was at work.
“What is wrong, honey, how can I help you?”
Horatio remained silent, but wandered around her living room and she watched his restless movements and sighed. “You know what? I made some ice tea this morning, why don’t we enjoy the sun and the tea on the terrace and you can tell me what is going on.”
He followed her out to, but had barely sat down when he got up again and started pacing. Alexx shook her head and finally got up too and stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Horatio, you’re making me dizzy.”
Horatio sighed and sat down. “My head is a mess, Alexx. I don’t know what to do.”
“About what honey? What has happened that made you fly down here and has caused such turmoil in your mind?”
The scenarios running through her mind were not pretty and so she was shocked when Horatio finally sat down and looked at her with eyes full of emotions.
“Rick told me that he’s in love with me.”
For a moment the world seemed to stop and Alexx felt as if it only started to move in slow motion again as she looked at Horatio and clarified. “Rick Stetler?”
Horatio nodded and started to talk. He told her about Stetler’s first visit and about how it had felt that the other man was holding something back. “And then he told me that he loved me.”
He sounded shocked, frustrated and somehow angry, but Alexx noticed that he didn’t sound disgusted or appalled. One thing though struck her and while in itself it might not be much, coupled with the emotions she saw in his eyes, it made her smile.
“I’m confused, I’m angry... I can’t get his words out of my mind. And I don’t know why...”
Horatio fell silent and Alexx reached out and pressed his hand. “Do you really not know?”
He looked at her and then without a word got up and walked towards the wooden railing of the porch and leaned against it. Alexx could see how tense his shoulders were and she ached for him. Slowly she walked over to him and put a comforting hand on his back.
“Horatio, you remembered every detail of his speech, you remember what he was wearing when he came to visit you the first time...” Alexx trailed off when Horatio turned towards her. “How long have you been attracted to Rick Stetler?”
Horatio tensed completely for a moment before he sagged against the railing and shook his head. “I don’t know. A long time maybe, but he was always my adversary so I never thought about it, but...”
Alexx sighed. “There was always too much tension between you. I thought it was hatred, but maybe it was not.”
“Was I really that blind, Alexx?” Horatio’s eyes were still confused and she could see that he completely lost. “How could I not see it?”
“Not see what, Horatio? Not see that he loves you or that you love him?” Horatio tensed and Alexx sighed as he shook his head.
“I’m not in love with him.”
“Maybe not, but you care about him and don’t deny it, it’s in your every word and gesture when you speak about him.”
This time Horatio remained silent and swallowed hard. Alexx’ heart ached for him and tentatively she reached out and touched his back. “What is it that worries you? It can’t be because he is a guy.”
“He’s Stetler.” Horatio’s answer made her smile, but even as he said it, he shook his head and continued. “Just that he isn’t, not anymore. Not the annoying IAD guy, and I feel that I don’t know him anymore.”
“Then why don’t you get to know him? Why don’t you find out what you feel for him?”
Horatio nodded again, but still his eyes were clouded. Alexx knew him well enough to know what he was thinking. “Horatio, you deserve happiness. You got offered another chance, take it.”
---
*Between Miami and Princeton*
Alexx’ words stayed with Horatio during the entire flight home. Get to know him, she had said, find out if you can fall in love with him. But what if he fell in love? And what if he lost Rick too like he had lost everybody else in his life?
You deserve a chance.
Again Alexx’s voice resonated through his head and he sighed. Maybe she was right, maybe he did deserve another chance, but was he strong enough to take it?
He still wasn’t sure by the time the plane landed in Philadelphia and he was driving home. Only when he arrived he wasn’t home but stood in front of Mike’s apartment building looking up to the floor where he knew Mike lived. He had driven here without thought and with nothing in his mind than Alexx’ words.
Get to know him.
Taking a deep breath, Horatio crossed the street and rang. Rick’s voice fizzled through the speaker. “Who’s there?”
“It’s me, Horatio. Can we talk?”
---
Can we talk? Rick tensed at the sound of Horatio’s voice coming over the intercom and for a moment he hesitated, then though calling himself a fool, he buzzed the other man in. “Mike’s on the fifth floor.”
There was no reply and Rick waited anxiously until a knock sounded on the door. He couldn’t really believe that Horatio was on the other side of the door and that he wanted to talk. The last time, he had seen Horatio, the other man had told him to get out of his sight, now he was here. What had changed?
“Horatio.”
Horatio looked tense and Rick noted how he held himself completely straight, how he barely looked at Rick as he walked past him into Mike’s apartment and he felt his hope dying. Horatio hadn’t come to talk, he had come to tell him once again to get out of Horatio’s life.
“Do you want something to drink?” The words almost got stuck in Rick’s throat, he was so sure that Horatio would refuse anything that might prolong his visit. To his surprise though, Horatio nodded slowly.
“Coffee would be good.”
Rick nodded and walked over towards Mike’s kitchen. He selected two cups and then turned back towards the door only to startle when he saw Horatio leaning against the door post. Horatio seemed to notice his surprise and smiled ruefully. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”
Rick could feel himself blushing and turned away so that Horatio couldn’t see it. He held up an assortment of Nespresso capsules. “Which coffee would you like?”
Horatio shrugged. “I don’t know. What’s the difference between them?”
Remembering the lecture Mike had given him, Rick smiled quickly. “Different strengths, coffee beans, whether you want an espresso or a normal coffee...”
Horatio looked slightly puzzled and then shrugged again. “I’ll have whatever you’re taking.”
Rick chose two capsules and proceeded to make the coffee while being almost too aware of the blue eyes resting on his back. It was almost as if he could feel Horatio looking at him and the thought made the hairs in his neck stand up.
Finally the coffee was finished and he handed a cup to Horatio. “Sugar or cream?”
Horatio declined and Rick walked over towards Mike’s living room. He sat down slowly and noted with interest that Horatio chose to sit down next to him instead of sitting in one of the chairs. Again hope rose in him, and again he squashed it ruthlessly.
“Why are you here?”
Horatio looked up surprised at Rick’s direct question, and Rick fixed him with his eyes. “The last time we spoke you told me that you don’t want to see me anymore. What has changed?”
For a long time, Horatio stared at his coffee and slowly but surely the silence between them stretched and became awkward. Rick wanted to say something just to break the stifling silence, when Horatio sighed and without looking at him started to speak.
“I couldn’t forget what you said.” Rick looked up sharply but Horatio still avoided his eyes as he continued. “It just struck a cord and...”
Horatio trailed off and as their eyes finally met, Rick almost gasped at the naked longing he saw in Horatio’s eyes. “I want that feeling, I want to experience what you described. I just, I just...”
Rick knew what Horatio couldn’t say and as the other man remained silent, he sighed. “Just not with me.”
It hurt to say these words and this time it was him who couldn’t meet Horatio’s eyes because he didn’t want Horatio to see the pain in his eyes. Slowly he got up and walked towards the window. There was nothing to see outside but it was better than watching Horatio.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Rick tensed as he felt Horatio’s hand on his shoulder. He didn’t turn around though and he heard Horatio swallow hard, before he spoke again. “The last time we spoke, you were honest and put all your cards on the table and I figure the least I can do is do the same now. I’m attracted to you, and maybe I’ve always felt a pull, I don’t know. I’m not in love with you, but I can feel that there is something...”
Rick’s heart had almost stopped when Horatio had confessed being attracted and by the time Horatio trailed off, he wasn’t sure whether he was awake or still dreaming. Steeling himself, he turned around and looked at Horatio.
“What do you want, Horatio?” He was still almost afraid to believe that he might have a second chance and he knew that his words had come out harsher than intended. Horatio flinched almost invisibly, but he didn’t back down, instead he reached out and slowly caressed Rick’s face.
“I want a chance to get to know you.”
The touch of Horatio’s hand on his skin made Rick close his eyes and it took a moment for Horatio’s words to finally register and sink in. Rick opened his eyes and met Horatio’s before he slowly nodded.
“I’d like that.”
Horatio smiled softly and stepped back. Rick already missed the closeness and he reminded himself to hold himself in check, to not scare Horatio away and to really give them both a chance to finally, after years of working with and against each other, getting to know the other person.
---
Horatio returned home three hours later. Rick and he had talked, really talked for the first time and Horatio had quickly realized that he really hadn’t known Rick Stetler. Behind the polished surface of the IAB sergeant, Rick had hidden an intelligent and funny man.
They had talked about everything from politics to sports, but as Horatio sat down and turned on the TV, he suddenly realized that they both had carefully avoided any personal topics.
It really had been almost as if they were mere acquaintances instead of... of what exactly? Horatio sighed as he failed to name the connection that he and Rick had had before and yet he wondered whether it really was necessary to put a name to it.
He reached for his phone and dialed Alexx’ number when he noticed the red light blinking. Frowning, he pressed the button to retrieve his messages. He recognized the voice immediately, but it was the trembling that made him tense in fear and the next words confirmed him right.
“Horatio, there has been a shooting...”
Shaking with grief, Horatio sat down and listened to the message before he dialed his friend’s number and simply left a message too. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”
The dark side of life, it seemed had caught up with him again.
---
Waking up to sunlight teasing his eyes was not something that Wilson was used to. His bedroom faced west and for a second he was confused as to where he was. Soon though conscious thought returned and he got up slowly.
It was a bit over a week since he had been released from the hospital and he was gradually feeling better. The headaches that had plagued him had started to lessen and the dizziness he had felt every time he had moved had stopped bothering him. Still he felt incredibly weak and little things like walking from the bed to the bathroom exhausted him.
Greg had been adamant about Wilson taking it easy and true to his word, Wilson found a steaming mug of coffee in the kitchen next to a note.
Don’t even dare to do anything but lie around and look pretty.
The note wasn’t signed, but both the words and the chicken scrawl in which they were written were so typically Greg that Wilson had to smile. A part of him bristled at the command tone in the note, but the doctor in him knew that Greg was right, he needed the rest, needed to give his body time to recover from the ordeal it had been put through.
Greg had obviously gotten the newspaper for him and Wilson listlessly perused the headlines while he drank his coffee.
Wall Street butcher kills cop, arrest failed
He hadn’t followed the case, but he remembered reading something about the serial killer when he had been in New York. Glancing at the article he shuddered as the reporter detailed how the killer had so far killed eight women and how he had shot a New York police detective at point blank when the police had tried to arrest him. Something Horatio had told him once came back to Wilson’s mind.
As a cop you’re always walking the line between life and death.
Horatio had been right, but Wilson had argued that everybody was walking the same line and that the only difference was that a cop knew it while someone with a regular white collar job didn’t. They both had spoken from experience, he thought now. Horatio had talked about the risk every cop took, the dangers of facing down criminals with nothing left to lose, Wilson though had talked about the uncertainty of life in general.
Drive over to your friend for dinner and almost get killed in the process, go to your annual check up to your doctor feeling healthy and walk out of the doctor’s office with six months left to live… life was full of unexpected risks and as Wilson put the newspaper down, he suddenly realized that he was shaking.
He had known about the uncertainties, had told dozens of people who thought they were healthy that they were in fact fatally ill and still his own brush with death had shaken him to the core.
The ringing of the phone pulled him from his thoughts and as he checked the caller id he smiled. “Horatio how are you?”
Horatio’s voice was strained and Wilson knew immediately that something was wrong. “James, I need to go to New York...”
Horatio’s voice broke and Wilson flashed back to the head line he had seen. Had Horatio known the cop?
“... a friend of mine has been killed.”
---
*Chapter 12 – Death*
*Princeton*
Coy Baker was dead. Even two days after hearing the news and after talking to James, Horatio was still reeling. He hadn’t had much contact with the younger man in the last couple of years, but they still had managed to meet up at least once a year.
Sitting at his kitchen table, Horatio stared blankly at his toast. He had made himself breakfast almost on autopilot and now that it was finished he realized that he wasn’t hungry at all. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Coy was dead and that alone was somehow ridiculous after all the people he had lost in his life.
Looking around his house, Horatio suddenly understood why Coy’s death had hit him so hard. It wasn’t because of a special close bond between them, but because Horatio had thought that with his move from Miami to Princeton he had managed to escape the circle of violence and crime that had surrounded him.
“You’re a fool.”
The whispered words seemed to resonate in the living room and Horatio sat down on the couch as he tried to focus on what he needed to do before he could leave to drive to Coy’s funeral. Taking a pen, he started to make a list of things to do.
Pick up his black suit from the dry cleaners,
Polish the shoes;
Call Salvatore to postpone their meeting;
Call Mike to let him know about Horatio’s absence;
Cancel dinner with Rick;
Order flowers for the funeral;
The pen in Horatio’s hand wavered at the last item and his hand shook. He had to call Ciara, Coy’s wife and ask her where the funeral was and if he should come to the wake. It was not a call he was looking forward to make, but it was best if he did it now and didn’t postpone it even further. Reaching for his phone he dialed the familiar number and waited for Ciara to pick up.
“Baker’s residence, this is Marina speaking. How can I help you?”
Horatio swallowed the lump in his throat before he answered quietly. “It’s Horatio Caine, can I talk to Ciara please?”
“Are you from the media?” The words were spoken harshly and with contempt, but Horatio understood the protectiveness behind the inquiry.
“No, I’m an old friend of Coy’s.”
There was silence on the other side, and then Ciara’s soft voice was on. “Excuse my sister, Horatio. She means well, but we’re...”
Her voice broke and Horatio’s heart ached for her. “Don’t Ciara, she’s just trying to protect you. It must be madness.”
A sob and a snort filtered through and then Ciara spoke again. “As if it wasn’t bad enough to lose my husband, but now I have all those vultures sitting outside my front porch. I’m a prisoner in my own home. I can’t even go and see...”
Horatio wanted to be in New York at that very moment and be able to hold Ciara, tell her that everything would be alright and yet he knew that he would be lying.
“I won’t disturb you for long. I just wanted to ask you when the funeral is and if I can do anything to help you.”
“It’s tomorrow at 2PM.” Her voice wavered again, but she sounded stronger when she continued. “Actually, Horatio could you come up earlier? I... I just need someone who understands...”
Her voice trailed off, but before Horatio could assure her that he would drive up immediately, she exhaled loudly and continued. “I’m sorry that was cruel... I just...”
Her mentioning Marisol had hurt, but she was right, he really understood what she was going through and he wanted to help her , even if it opened some old wounds.
“I can drive up today, if you like.”
Ciara thanked him and Horatio was glad that he would be able to help at least a little in this terrible time, but at the same time he felt anxious. He had tried to move on, what if this was now a step back?
His eyes fell onto his list
Cancel dinner with Rick
Rick had told him that he wanted to be his friend, that he wanted to be there for Horatio. Would it be too much for him if Horatio asked him to come to New York? Would that stretch the tentative bond they had?
Horatio didn’t question, why it felt right to ask Rick, didn’t wonder why he didn’t feel weak about asking for support. He didn’t stop to examine any of his feeling for too long, instead he reached for his phone again and dialed Rick’s number.
---
“Rick, it’s Horatio.” Something had happened, Rick knew that the moment he heard Horatio’s voice and he tensed as several scenarios ran through his mind.
“Horatio, what’s wrong?”
“A friend of mine got killed in New York.” The almost matter of fact voice of Horatio’s as he spoke those words were worse than if he had cried and made all his protective instincts come forward. He felt tongue tied though, because there just was no appropriate response. Horatio saved him, by continuing to speak. “His wife asked me to come to up today. To help her cope a bit better.”
Rick felt as if someone had dumped him into cold water. He knew why the other woman had asked Horatio and while he felt bad for her loss, he couldn’t help but scorn her for putting Horatio through this. Hadn’t Horatio endured enough? Did he really have to relive his loss of Marisol once again?
“Can I do anything for you?” Horatio was silent for a moment, after Rick’s question and Rick wasn’t sure if he was still on the other side of the phone, when Horatio spoke again.
“I wanted to ask…” He trailed off and Rick had the feeling that Horatio had just changed his mind on something crucial as he continued. “No, I... I don’t even know really why I called. I just... I have to go to New York t, I won’t be able to make dinner...”
Rick had never heard Horatio sound so vulnerable and lost. And suddenly he knew what Horatio had wanted to ask, but hadn’t dared.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Rick knew that once again he was opening himself, was making himself vulnerable, but his instincts told him that Horatio would not have asked, even if he had wanted to.
“Would you?”
Horatio sounded shy, something Rick had never associated with the other man, but he also heard something akin to relief in Horatio’s voice and Rick closed his eyes at the hope that suddenly surged in him. He hadn’t been sure, if Horatio was really interested, but now he suddenly dared to believe that he had a real chance at making things right.
“Yes, or I hadn’t made the offer”
Horatio was silent for a second, then Rick heard him sigh. “Thanks, Rick… I’m... I’ll pick you up in two hours.”
Rick was still staring at his phone minutes after their call had ended. Horatio had called him for help. A part of him was quietly celebrating, and yet he was afraid to hope again.
---
*New York*
Coy and Ciara’s house was a modest condo in Staten Island and as Rick navigated the streets and they drove up to the house, Horatio remembered how often Coy had complained about the long commute into the city. Horatio had always laughed at him and told him to move closer, but Coy’s answer had always been the same.
“It’s a nice place to start a family.”
Rick turned towards him and frowned. Horatio shrugged. “It’s something Coy always said right after he bitched about the long commute he had.”
“Does he have a kid?”
Horatio shook his head at Rick’s question. “No...”
“Was he your partner in New York?” Rick’s words were curious but not inquisitive and Horatio instinctively knew that the other man would understand if he refused to answer. Yet to his own surprise it felt good to talk about Coy.
“He was a rookie straight out of the police academy and was assigned to me. He was so green, but turned out to be an amazing cop. We were partners for 4 years and worked the Resden case together. When I left, he was one of the few who didn’t have a grudge and we kept in touch.”
They had kept in touch, Horatio thought, and yet not as much as Horatio now wished they had. After moving to Princeton, why had he never driven up and visited Coy? Why had he never invited them over?
“Stop this, Horatio. You can’t blame yourself.”
Rick’s voice cut through his thoughts and he met the other man’s eyes for a moment. “How did you know I was berating myself for not staying in touch more?”
Rick smiled. “You had that look on your face.”
“This is it.” Horatio’s eyes narrowed as he noticed the reporters in front of the house. “Vultures.”
“This killer is a big story and now that he’s killed a cop, he’s become even bigger.” There was something matter of fact in Rick’s voice, and while a part of Horatio wanted to get angry at Rick he knew that the other man was right. It didn’t mean that he had to like it though.
They walked past the journalists and ignored their questions until they were in front of Coy’s house. Ciara opened and Horatio’s heart broke as he saw the grief in her dark eyes. Without saying anything, he pulled her into a hug and tried to give her some of his strength.
“Thanks for coming.”
He nodded slowly and turned towards Rick to introduce him to Ciara. “Ciara, this is Rick, he’s a friend of mine.”
She looked between Rick and him for a moment and he wondered what she saw, but then she smiled faintly and nodded at Rick. “Thanks.”
---
Rick stayed in the background for the rest of the day, observing Horatio as he tried to help the widow cope with her grief. He understood Horatio’s wish to help and he could see that his gentle care for Ciara was helping her, but at the same time, he wanted to grab the other man and drive as far away from this house as possible.
As much as Horatio helped Ciara, as much it hurt himself. Rick could see the lines appearing around Horatio’s eyes, lines that had almost disappeared since he had left Miami and he had never wanted to see on Horatio’s face again. He saw the strained smile in Horatio’s face and as their eyes met briefly, he almost recoiled at the re-awakened pain he saw there. Impulsively he stepped forward wanting to do something to help Horatio when the door bell rang. Ciara slowly let go of Horatio and smiled sadly as she walked over towards the corridor.
Rick immediately went to Horatio’s side and gently put a hand on the other man’s shoulder. He could feel the tension there, but Horatio didn’t pull away, instead he leaned slightly against the hand as he took a deep breath. “It’s harder than I thought it would be.”
The admission almost killed Rick, but he hid his sorrow and instead smiled at his friend. “I was thinking, maybe it is better if we stay in a hotel nearby. I know that Ciara offered us to stay in her house, but...”
He trailed off, not sure how to explain to Horatio that he wanted him out of this house and away from those memories without sounding like an insensitive prick who didn’t care about the recently widowed Ciara. Horatio looked at him again and then slowly nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”
Rick silently thanked whatever god was listening and nodded too. “I’ll try to arrange something.”
He excused himself and went outside reaching for his phone. Five minutes later he had two hotel rooms booked for the night and went back inside to tell Horatio about the arrangement. Two strangers were standing next to Ciara and Rick smiled at the newcomers, glad that there was someone else to console Ciara, when the male detective turned around and looked at him surprised. “Rick Stetler?”
---
Rick Stetler was the last person, Elliot had expected to see in Ciara Baker’s living room and he knew that it showed in his face and voice. Judging from Stetler’s look though, the surprise was mutual.
“Elliot Stabler” Stetler’s voice was quiet and confident despite the astonishment in his eyes and that calm confidence was something that Elliot remembered only too well. He felt transported back into his past as he watched Rick cross the room quickly. The other man looked good, he thought, slender, almost too thin, but with sharp intelligent eyes and a open friendly smile.
“It’s been a while, sir.” The honorary sir came naturally as Elliot addressed Stetler, but the other man shook his head. “It’s Rick, Elliot. We’re both out of the corps.”
And had been for a while, Elliot thought, nevertheless though the habit of addressing a higher ranked Marine with sir was something that still was deeply ingrained in his
“What are you doing here? Did you know Coy?” As far as Elliot remembered, Stetler had never lived in New York, but if one listened to Taylor long enough, one started to believe in the ‘everything is connected’ mantra.
“I didn’t, a friend of mine did and I offered to drive him.”
For a moment there was silence then Rick smiled. “You’re a detective now? I remember you were talking about going to the academy. Do you still enjoy it?”
“Enjoying it would be the wrong thing to say. I’m with the special victim’s unit...” Elliot saw that Rick didn’t understand what he meant and clarified. “Sexually based offenses...”
A shiver ran through Rick. “That must be one of the hardest units to work in. I only did a short stint with Vice in Miami and that was enough for me.”
Although Elliot had known that Rick had planned to go into law enforcement he was nevertheless surprised that the other man had not chosen the legal profession over the grinding work as a cop. “I always thought you wanted to become a lawyer.”
Rick sighed. “When I got out of the corps I was too old to apply for a scholarship and with no credentials apart from being a Marine First Sergeant, no company would sponsor me. The academy seemed a good idea at the time.”
It was a shame, Elliot thought as he remembered the talks he had had with Rick all those years ago. Rick had had a strong sense of wrong and right and yet had always been able to see the shades of grey. He would have made a good lawyer.
“So which area are you in?”
A rueful and somehow bitter smile crossed Rick’s face. “Miami, but I left a couple of months ago. I was with IAB.”
IAB? Elliot knew that his distaste for the internal affairs department was showing in his face. “You just left?”
It was something he sometimes dreamed about, but he still believed in his job and of course he still had bills to pay. Rick smiled once more only this time there was no mistaking the bitterness in the other’s eyes. “I thought I could change things. I was wrong.”
The tone of his voice was final and even though Elliot hadn’t seen Rick for a long time he knew him well enough to change the topic.
“So who’s the friend who knew Coy?”
Stetler pointed towards the redheaded man standing next to Ciara, and Elliot noted the tender expression in his eyes that turned into something more oblique as the redhead looked up and Stetler’s eyes met his. The other man said something to Ciara and walked over to them. Stetler smiled and made introductions.
"Detective Elliot Stabler, Horatio Caine, Horatio Caine, Detective Elliot Stabler.”
The name rang a bell only faintly, but Elliot remembered Coy talking about someone named Horatio. “You were his first partner, weren’t you?”
Caine nodded and a shadow crossed his face. “We stayed touch after I moved to Miami, but after I left... I haven’t spoken to him in months...”
Elliot could see the guilt eating at the other man, it was a guilt he was only too familiar with and he smiled encouragingly at Caine. “I’m sure Coy wasn’t angry or so...”
It sounded lame to his ears, but he noticed the grateful look that crossed Stetler’s face and he wondered about the relationship between the two men. Caine looked at him for a moment and then glanced as Stetler before focusing on Elliot again. “So how do you know Rick?”
“He was my CO when I was with the Marines.”
---
It had been a hard day, Horatio as he looked up from washing his hands and saw his reflection in the small bathroom mirror. He looked more tired than after a full day of working with Salvatore and yet he hadn’t really done anything.
“Horatio?” Rick’s voice pulled him out of his musings and he splashed some water in his face to create at least the illusion of alertness. “Are you ok?”
The concern he heard in Rick’s voice made him swallow hard. He hadn’t believed the other man before, but after today he understood that Rick had told him the truth. Rick cared about him, cared a lot. Throughout the day Horatio had felt Rick’s eyes on him, and every time when the memories had come too close to the surface, Rick had been there, had led him outside or just talked to him and reminded Horatio with his mere presence that his life was different now.
“Horatio?” Rick’s voice was concerned now and Horatio realized that he hadn’t answered his friend yet. He quickly pulled himself together and opened the door.
“Sorry, I just got lost in thoughts.”
Rick grinned. “On the toilet... must have been some thoughts.”
The cheeky comment surprised a laugh out of Horatio and he felt some of the darkness leave his mind. Rick grinned again, before he looked at Horatio closely. “Do you want to go for dinner or order room service?”
“I doubt this place has room service.” It wasn’t a bad hotel, but not in the category that would serve nice, healthy food.
“So, let’s go and have a walk around the block, I’m sure we’ll find something.” He nodded at Rick’s suggestion and watched as Rick grabbed his coat and scarf.
“Rick?” Rick looked up and Horatio met his eyes directly. “Thank you for today.”
Rick’s eyes softened, but he didn’t say anything for a moment then he smiled. “I’m glad you let me be here.”
The words sounded corny, but the sentiment behind it made Horatio’s heart beat faster. He didn’t know what to say and for a moment, he wanted nothing more than ask Rick to hold him. A shiver of longing ran through him at the thought and yet he feared nothing more than letting himself be this vulnerable.
“Let’s go.”
They quickly found a restaurant that served steaks and salads. Chatting about his plans for the university, Horatio suddenly remembered what he had found out about Rick today. “I didn’t know you were in the Marines.”
Rick seemed surprised at the change of topic, but then he nodded. “I joined when I was 19.”
He stopped and hesitated for a second and Horatio saw how some memory seemed to cloud his eyes before he continued to speak. “I left after the first Gulf War.”
“Ten years.”
Rick smiled. “Yeah, I guess it was a decision of whether to stay in active duty for the rest of my life or not. I was twenty-nine at the time and I knew that if I wanted to build myself a life outside the Marines, I had to get out.”
“I never knew.”
Rick shrugged at Horatio’s comment. “Few people in Miami did and it’s not something that I often talk about.”
It weren’t so much the words, but the tone in which Rick spoke them that made Horatio look closer at the younger man. He could see that there were memories lurking in the other man’s eyes and even though Horatio had never been to war himself, he had seen enough to understand that something memories never leave and never get easier. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s a part of my life and my past. I just...” Rick sighed and took a sip from his beer before he continued. “I never got used to the fact that it was my word that sends people to fight and maybe to die and the higher up in the food chain I got the more I realized how little I could actually do to defend my guys...”
Horatio was fascinated by what he learned about Rick and the more he got to know the other man the more he felt drawn towards him. It was weird somehow to be drawn towards a man he had despised for such a long time, and yet the Rick Stetler he slowly was getting to know was a different person from the man he had known for all these years in Miami.
They moved away from heavier topics and by the time their food arrived, they were back to talking about Horatio’s new university job. Rick seemed genuinely interested in the course and made some suggestions from his experience with working with the CSIs. Horatio appreciated the interest and the insight into Rick’s mind and for a while he managed to forget about Coy and Marisol and all the others that he had lost.
They walked back to the hotel in a pleasant silence but the closer they got to their rooms the more Horatio dreaded being alone. He knew that as soon as he closed the door behind Rick his own ghosts would rise up to taunt him. His nightmares had stopped after coming to Princeton, but he knew that nothing would hold them at bay tonight.
“Horatio, are you ok?” Again there was nothing but honest concern in Rick’s voice, but Horatio couldn’t bring himself to admit his fears.
“I’m fine, just tired.”
Rick nodded sympathetically. “It was a long day.”
And it would be an even longer night, but Horatio didn’t say anything.
---
Rick wasn’t sure what had woken him up, and for a moment he was disoriented. The window in his room was on the wrong side and he stared at it sleepily wondering how a window could move overnight until he realized that he wasn’t in Mike’s guest room. So it wasn’t the window that had moved, it was the entire room. It made sense in weird sort of way and Rick turned around hugging his pillow to go back to sleep.
“No”
The scream woke him up like nothing else could have and any thoughts of moving windows and rooms fled his mind as he realized that it was Horatio’s voice shouting and that his friend sounded like he was in serious distress. Rick tensed and for a second wished he still had a gun, but then he shrugged, reached for the key card to Horatio’s room and on the way out grabbed the bible from the nightstand. It wasn’t a weapon, but it was something he could throw at someone to distract them.
As soon as he opened the door, he realized that his worries about Horatio being attacked were moot or more accurately, Horatio was being attacked but it were his memories that did the deed and not some stranger who had gotten into the hotel room.
Horatio was twisting on the bed, and in the faint light of the room, Rick could see the anguish and fear in the pale face. For a moment, Rick asked himself what he should do and if it was safe to wake Horatio out of his nightmare, but when Horatio screamed again, he couldn’t hold himself back and quickly walked over to the bed.
“Horatio, wake up.” He carefully touched Horatio’s shoulder and immediately moved back when the sleeping man lunged at him. Horatio’s fist impacted with his shoulder and Rick gritted his teeth against the pain before he let himself moved with Horatio’s body and pinned the other man down.
“Wake up, it’s a nightmare. Just a nightmare.”
Horatio tensed against his body and Rick watched as his friend struggled to wake up and finally opened his eyes. “Rick?”
A shiver ran through Horatio’s body and Rick could feel the tension return as Horatio struggled to contain the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Softening his grip, he moved away from Horatio but still held him loosely in his arms. “It’s ok, everything will be ok.”
Another shudder wracked Horatio’s body and he shook his head. “No, it won’t. They’re all dead, they all left. They all left me behind.”
Hearing the broken sob broke Rick’s heart, there was nothing he could say to make it better, was there? He wanted to move away, but Horatio held onto him and Rick had never felt so helpless as right now. He held the man he loved in his arms, and could do nothing to stop the tears and shudders as Horatio mourned those he had lost.
He had no idea how long it took until Horatio slowly calmed down, until the sobs and the hiccups became lower and the intervals between the full body shivers longer. Horatio’s breathing calmed too, when Horatio suddenly turned towards him and even in the low light, Rick could see the pleading expression in his eyes.
“Please stay, I can’t be alone right now.”
Can’t not don’t want to... Rick nodded slowly and moved so that he was next to Horatio, still holding him close. His mind and heart were in turmoil, but he kept his face carefully blank as Horatio looked at him once more and smiled softly. “Thanks for staying.”
They were silent for a long time, and Rick felt how Horatio’s body in his arms slowly relaxed and he heard the deep breaths that indicated that his friend was about to fall asleep.
“You told me the truth, didn’t you? You really love me.”
The words were surprisingly clear and as Rick looked at Horatio, he felt the other man’s eyes fixed on him. Keeping the eye contact, he nodded.
“Yes, I do.”
---
It was the perfect weather for a funeral, Horatio thought as he pulled his coat tighter around him. The sky was grey, overcast with not even a glimpse of blue in it, it was cold and windy in a way normally only November days were.
April storms usually brought a taste of spring with them, but this day instead of the light spring air, all Horatio felt was the grey melancholy of grief and sadness. He listened to the priest’s sermon, shorter than the actual memorial service in the church but somehow much more poignant and so much harder to listen to. There had been a lot of people in the church, here though in the cemetery it was only family, friends and close colleagues.
He watched as Coy Baker’s coffin was slowly lowered to the ground and he said a silent goodbye to his first partner, his first trainee and a good friend.
There was a moment of silence after the ceremony, before one after the other the people attending moved away until only a handful of people remained. Horatio was about to leave, when he suddenly remembered the man standing silently next to him. Feeling bad, he looked at Rick but saw only concern in the other’s dark eyes and once more he was glad that he had swallowed his pride and asked Rick to join him.
“Are you ok?”
Rick’s voice was soft and gentle and Horatio wanted nothing more than lean against the other man and soak up some of his strength. He thought back of yesterday night and the way Rick had simply held him, had let him cry for Coy and Marisol and Speed and all the other people he had lost. He hadn’t needed to be strong for once, hadn’t felt the need of holding himself together. For the first time in Horatio’s life he had had someone to hold him instead of being the one holding. He had slept through the rest of the night and in the morning there had been no awkwardness between them, Rick had simply smiled at him and gone back to his room to get dressed.
“I will be.” Rick nodded at Horatio’s answer and clasped his shoulder. Horatio watched as Rick walked over towards Elliot Stabler. The two men spoke softly and Horatio noticed how their stances unconsciously mirrored each others. It made him uncomfortable to watch them and he turned away only now noticing Mac standing a bit away looking at the grave.
“I told him to wait.” Mac’s voice was tight and controlled, but Horatio heard the underlying anger and frustration. “I told him that this guy was dangerous, but he...”
Mac’s voice trailed off and Horatio looked at his friend in concern. Mac’s eyes were overcast with grief and exhaustion and Horatio’s heart went out to his friend. He wanted to say something, wanted to somehow lift the burden that Mac carried, but he didn’t know what to say, had no words for the man next to him.
“It’s not your fault, Mac. Stop blaming yourself.” Stella had walked up beside them. She nodded at Horatio, but her eyes were all on Mac. He shrugged, but Horatio noticed how he didn’t meet Stella’s eyes.
“If I had...” Stella glared at Mac and seeing her look, Mac stopped for a moment, but then holding her eyes he shook his head. “I just wonder if we could have done something differently.”
“He knew that Jim Martin was dangerous, and he decided not to wait for the SWAT team to arrive. He made a call and it was the wrong one. Don’t blame yourself for his decision.”
The dark haired man who had come over spoke quietly but intensely and Horatio could see that he got through Mac. For a moment Mac looked at the newcomer and with a slow breath released some of the tension in his body. He smiled at the other man and nodded. “Thanks Nick.”
Nick shrugged and smiled before he turned towards Horatio. “You must be Horatio Caine, aren’t you? I’m Nick Stokes, I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Nick Stokes, Horatio thought, Nick was the man whose place Eric had taken in Las Vegas. The CSI who had been buried alive and had survived. “Glad to meet you, Mr. Stokes. I can say, that I have heard a lot about you too.”
Nick grinned and his serious face was transformed completely by the boyish expression. “I bet you have, especially if you have been talking to Eric and Warrick.”
“Nick, are you coming?” The young woman calling his name made Nick turn around, before he smiled at Horatio once more.
“It was nice meeting you, even though I would have wished it was under different circumstances. I have to go unfortunately. Say hi to Eric if you talk to him. Mac are you coming with us or are you driving with Stella?”
Mac shook his head. “I drove with the BAU boys, so I’ll go back with them again.”
Nick nodded and disappeared. Mac’s eyes followed him for a moment and when he met Horatio’s eyes again, Horatio saw that they were free of guilt. “He’s a good friend.”
Mac smiled and nodded. “A good friend and a damn good CSI. We’re lucky to have him in New York.”
Horatio noticed two dark suited men walking up to them and looked at Mac with a frown. “What’s the FBI doing here?”
“We called the BAU in for help and they’ve been a great help. I don’t think we would have found Martin as quickly as we have.” Mac sighed. “Nevermind that he still killed ten people and we still haven’t caught him, but at least we know who the killer is...”
He didn’t say anything else, but Horatio understood what he meant, every life lost was one too many and yet sometimes the criminals were smarter than they were.
“I’ve got to go, don’t be a stranger Horatio. When this madness is all over, you should come up for a visit.”
Horatio watched as one by one Coy’s colleagues left the cemetery until only the closest family remained. Ciara smiled at him and hugged him close. He had already apologized to her for not coming to the wake, and she had told him that she understood. She seemed more composed today than yesterday and was surrounded by friends. Her eyes were sad and yet kind as she looked at him. “Thanks for being here, Horatio.”
“If there is anything I can do for you, please call me.”
She smiled at his words, but shook her head. “You’re a good man, Horatio Caine.”
Her words made him feel almost shy, but then she hugged him again. “I’ll call you.”
Horatio watched her walk away and made a promise to himself that he would not lose contact with her. He saw Rick standing at the side and walked over towards him. “Ready to go home?”
For a second there was a special expression on Rick’s face as Horatio’s words, but then he nodded with a smile. “Yes, let’s go back.”
Back, Horatio thought, back not home. It struck him then that Princeton was not home for Rick and that he might already be planning to leave. The realization was like a slap in his face and as he watched Rick walk silently next to him, Horatio suddenly realized something else.
He wasn’t ready to let Rick Stetler walk out of his life.
And he wasn’t sure if he ever would be.
*Chapter 13 – Love*
*Princeton*
Waking up with his arms around Jimmy was something House would never get used to. Whenever he opened his eyes, he felt a warm and fuzzy feeling in his body somewhere near his heart, not that he would ever admit it. So much had changed, he mused, as he held Jimmy loosely in the cocoon of his arms, so much had changed since Jimmy had had that accident.
And who would have thought that it would only take a hole in Jimmy’s head to make them realize how much in love they were?
Jimmy moved in his sleep and jostled his leg. House gritted his teeth against the pain that immediately shot through his body at the contact. The effect of the painkillers had faded overnight. His pain was the only thing that made him consider getting up and leaving Jimmy alone in bed. Brushing a stray hair from Jimmy’s forehead, he took a deep breath and braced himself before he moved his legs and got up.
As expected pain shot through his entire body and he shook at the blinding hurt from his leg. Cursing himself, his leg and the world in general, he reached for his cane and hobbled towards the bathroom. He didn’t bother to turn on the light simply grabbed the bottle with the painkillers and swallowed two of them with a sip of water.
“Greg?”
Jimmy’s hand on his back startled him, and he turned around only to wince in pain again. Jimmy’s eyes showed concern and House found himself captured in that warm gaze. “What can I do to help you?”
While he understood that the good person living inside Jimmy’s body wanted to help everyone, House didn’t like being weak and growled at Jimmy. “Give me the good drugs.”
Jimmy reeled back and House immediately felt like a shit, but it didn’t change that he had only spoken the truth. Jimmy looked at him and sighed. “I already do, don’t I? I sign your prescriptions...”
There was something lost in Jimmy’s voice, something that made it hard for House to still be angry with him and after a second of indecision, he reached out and pulled Jimmy towards his body. “You do, yet another reason why I love you.”
Jimmy simply looked at him for a long time, before a smile slowly formed in his face. “Come to bed, it’s Sunday after all.”
---
Horatio couldn’t sleep. Ever since he had come back from New York, dreams haunted him, but when he woke he couldn’t remember what they had been about. What he did remember though were feelings, feelings of loss and abandonment, and it was a distant memory of having had someone precious next to him and then losing that person again.
On Sunday morning, he sighed as he looked into the mirror and wondered what his dreams were about. Had he been dreaming about Marisol? Or Speed?
It could be, but somehow he doubted it. His nightmares about the two people he had loved and lost were different, they were full of violence and left him feeling helpless and impotent, but did not leave those vague feelings of grief and loss behind. So who had he been dreaming about?
“Let’s go back.”
Rick’s voice suddenly resonated through his mind and Horatio tensed as he suddenly understood whom he had been dreaming about. His realization in New York, his sudden awareness that the other man could leave at any time, and the memory of the night they had spent together in the hotel room... These memories had triggered the dreams, dreams which had been both nightmares and real dreams.
Horatio walked back to his bedroom. He dressed and then without thinking much, lay back onto the bed. He liked thinking in bed and he knew that he had some thinking to do. His eyes fixed on the bedroom ceiling, Horatio thought back to the night in New York and about how he felt when he was around Rick.
Was he in love with Rick?
Horatio knew that he had never been indifferent when it had come to Rick, but ever since Rick had told him about his feelings for Horatio, Horatio’s mind had been in turmoil. Was he reacting to Rick’s declaration? Were his feelings only the mirror of what Rick was feeling? Or was it something real?
Horatio wasn’t sure what he felt, but he knew that the thought of losing Rick hurt more than Horatio had ever expected. He thought back to the night in the hotel, Rick hadn’t done anything but held him, and for the first time in longer than Horatio could remember he had had someone to lean onto. It had felt good, freeing. Still feeling comfortable with someone and allowing himself to be weak in front of that person didn’t necessarily translate into love. There was more to love than simple affection, and Horatio wasn’t sure how he felt physically for Rick.
Did he desire Rick?
Again Horatio thought back to the hotel night, but this time he manipulated his memory and made Rick do more than just hold him. Closing his eyes, Horatio imagined Rick leaning down, Rick’s lips capturing his, Rick’s body moving to cover Horatio...
A moan resonated through the room and Horatio felt the blood rush into his cock as he imagined Rick’s hard body against his, imagined those elegant hands moving underneath his t-shirt and without realizing what he was doing, Horatio’s hands mirrored what Rick did in his fantasy.
A touch to his cock made him moan again and he shivered as he imagined Rick’s face hovering above him flushed with desire and love. His hand slipped into his boxers and he began to stroke himself harder, eyes still closed. Horatio panted as the desire built and finally he couldn’t hold his orgasm back anymore. He shivered and grasped his cock harder still as he milked himself until it was done and he ended up lying in bed exhausted.
A slow smile crossed his face as he looked at the mess in his shorts and on his hand; he had answered at least one question. He definitely wanted Rick.
---
“Why now?” Mike was watching Rick pack once again and shook his head. “Horatio asked for your help, Rick. He reached out to you and now you’re leaving? Why?”
Rick sighed. “I’m not leaving, Mike. I told you, I have to go back to testify in court, but I can’t just stay here with you forever. I need to figure out what I want to do. I have some savings, but I can’t just live off them forever.”
“You could join Trenton PD, they would take you on immediately.”
Mike knew as soon as he said it that it had been the wrong thing to say, Rick stiffened and shook his head. “I doubt it, I’m sure that my bosses in Miami made sure that I’ll never get a job in law enforcement again.”
What Rick had said was undeniably true, but it didn’t make the unfairness of it less and Mike shook his head. “If I talk to Anderson or Horatio… He’s a fair man, Rick.”
Rick sighed and shook his head. “I’m sure he is, but I don’t know if I want to return to the police force and if as what.”
“Let me at least set up a meeting with him.” Mike knew that his friend had lost a lot of his illusions in regards of the law enforcement, but he also knew that Rick was one of the best detectives he had ever worked with and that it would be a pity if he went into the private sector. Rick shrugged his shoulders and Mike knew that for the moment at least he had won.
“I’ll call him later.” Rick looked at him sharply but there was a smile in his eyes as he shook his head. He knew Mike long enough to know that he would do exactly that and that he would not stop calling Anderson until he had given in.
“Are you going to tell Horatio?”
Rick looked up and nodded. “I was going to call him from the cab. Make sure he understands that I’m not running away.”
Mike hid his smile at Rick’s words and the emotions they revealed. “You do love him, don’t you?”
Rick smiled almost shyly and nodded. “Yes and for the first time since I know him I feel like I might have a chance.”
---
“You’re pouting.” Wilson grinned as Horatio’s head shot up at his comment and the pout became a glare. Horatio and he had met up for lunch and Wilson had been puzzled at the subdued mood his friend was in.
“What’s wrong?”
Horatio shrugged. “Nothing.”
Again Wilson couldn’t hide a smile at the slightly petulant tone in Horatio’s voice, it seemed as if the cool and controlled CSI had changed into a sullen teenager over the course of a couple of days.
“Trouble in your love life?”
Horatio tensed completely and Wilson wondered if he had made a mistake, and offended Horatio, when the other man sighed. “I... I don’t know.”
Wilson frowned at the words. “How can you not know? Either it’s good and you get laid or it’s bad but you still get laid, or it’s non existent and you don’t get laid.”
Horatio looked at him for a moment and then started to laugh. “You spend too much time with House.”
Wilson grinned, but didn’t allow Horatio to change the topic. “So what happened?”
“Rick.” One single word and yet it carried so many meanings and emotions.
Wilson knew of Rick, knew him to be the man that had come into Horatio’s life and knew that Rick had woken a myriad of feelings in Horatio. Feelings that the other man had thought buried forever. At first Horatio had spoken with suspicion about his former nemesis, but since New York, Wilson had seen that Horatio’s feeling had changed.
“He’s had to go to Miami for a court appearance.” Horatio trailed off and when he didn’t continue, Wilson sighed.
“And?”
“I’m afraid that he might not come back.”
Wilson didn’t know the entire story, but despite being Horatio’s friend he had felt for Rick and now he looked at Horatio with a contemplative look. “He told you all you need to know, H, now it’s up to you to make a move.”
Horatio looked shocked, and Wilson grinned. “H, he came here to tell you that he cares for you, he stood by you in New York… What more do you expect from him? It’s your turn now.”
---
“It’s your turn now.”
Wilson’s words echoed through Horatio’s mind as he went out for his daily run. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but his friend was right. Rick had laid his cards onto the table and Horatio now had to decide what to do with them.
Only it wasn’t really a decision, was it?
He already knew what he wanted.
Stopping in the middle of the street, Horatio turned back and jogged towards his house. He needed a plan and he needed to talk to Mike. Maybe Rick’s friend could help him.
---
Parking at airports was still as expensive as Rick had remembered it to be, but as he drove his car from Philadelphia’s airport towards Princeton, he was still glad that he didn’t have to rely on taxis or other public transportation to get him home.
Home... Rick’s thoughts stuttered to an abrupt halt as he realized what he had just thought.
When had Princeton become home? How had it become home?
He didn’t even have an apartment in the city, had nothing but a couple of suitcases in Mike’s guestroom and yet if Rick was honest, he had to admit that sometimes Mike’s apartment felt more like home than his house in Miami ever had.
He hadn’t been unhappy in Miami, just not settled. Maybe it was the size of Miami that had prevented him from growing roots. Rick had grown up in a small town, and even though he wouldn’t want to live there anymore, he had always felt that Miami was almost too big for him..
Big cities were great for fun, great to get lost in, but so much harder to grow roots.
And that was the big question, Rick mused. Did he really want to grow roots here?
Or maybe more honestly, was it the place or the man who lived here that made him want to settle?
Stopping at a red light, Rick watched as a couple of kids crossed the streets and he smiled at their happy faces, their carefree laughter. It was a nice place, he thought, a good place.
It was miles away from the glitter and glamour of Miami, and yet it didn’t feel confining or backwards. It just felt cozy.
Rick liked it here, he realized, but the main question still remained. Could he live here, if Horatio didn’t want him. Could he live in the same city as the man he loved and yet not be with him?
He had done it for years, but now he had held Horatio in his arms and he simply wasn’t sure if he could go back to being friends or even less.
The beeping of his phone pulled Rick from his musings and he frowned before he pressed the button on the hand-free set and answered.
“Rick, it’s Horatio.”
The sound of Horatio’s voice made Rick smile, but at the same time he felt that ball of fear again in his stomach that always appeared when Horatio called unexpectedly. Rick knew that he was over reacting, but he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, was still waiting for Horatio to tell him that he didn’t want to see him again.
“How was Miami?”
“The trial went well, Miami was...” Rick trailed off, not sure how to explain what he had felt. “It was weird being back.”
“You miss it?”
There was an odd undertone in Horatio’s voice, but Rick didn’t pay it too much attention instead he shook his head and then realizing that H couldn’t see him, he gave an answer. “No, that’s what so weird, you know. I should miss it, shouldn’t I? I’ve lived there for over ten years.”
“I don’t miss it either.”
This time Rick recognized the emotion. H sounded relieved which confused him, but before he could think about it any further, Horatio continued to speak.
“I was wondering, if you want to come over for dinner.”
The ball of fear in Rick’s gut slowly dissolved and in its stead butterflies started to dance. He couldn’t help the slightly idiotic smile that crossed his face as he answered immediately. “I’d love to.”
Again H sounded relieved and Rick suddenly realized that maybe H was just as nervous as he was. Only that didn’t make any sense, did it?
“Should I come round around 7 P.M.?”
That would give him some time to get showered, changed and maybe even quickly catch up with Mike. Rick drove faster as he thought about the evening ahead and what it might bring.
---
Mike heard Rick walk through the door and smiled as he saw the genuine happiness in his friend’s eyes. “Hey, how was the trial?”
Rick shrugged. “Boring, but in the end the right side won.”
Mike watched him closely and saw some of the stress of the past days reappear. “Good to know.”
A part of him had feared that Rick might not return, but here he was and he looked as if he wasn’t going to leave soon. Maybe this fear had made him call Anderson yesterday, and the sheriff had not disappointed him. He had been thrilled and had told Mike to make Rick call him as soon as he got back.
“I sold my house.”
Rick’s words pulled Mike back into the here and now and he simply stared at his friend for a moment. “You did what?”
“I sold my house. Even got a good price for it.” Rick shrugged and then continued. “I realized when I drove through Miami, that no matter what happens, I don’t want to live there anymore. Too much happened, too many memories, too many ghosts. And let’s face it, I made some powerful enemies in the city...”
“So what now?”
Rick suddenly seemed insecure and Mike found it almost endearing until he understood and immediately reached out to clasp his friend’s shoulder. “You know that you can stay as long as you want, don’t you?”
“I know,” Rick smiled. “But I was thinking that maybe I should look for a place. If I decide to stay...”
“Anderson wants to meet you. I think he’s got a job for you.”
Rick sighed and leaned back against the couch. “I want to stay, I really like it here. And it’s good to be around you again. But I’m not sure, if I can stay with Horatio being here.”
He was silent for a moment, then he looked at Mike. “He’s invited me for dinner.”
Remembering Horatio’s hesitance and out of character shyness, Mike had a hunch that there was more to the dinner invitation and he smiled at his friend. “Well, then let’s not decide today, but wait until tomorrow.”
---
Horatio had prepared a roast and was about open the white wine, he had put in the fridge to go with the starter, when he heard a car stop outside. Immediately his heart rate sped up and he glanced around his house. He had set the table, had even lit some candles and there was a nice fire in the fireplace. It looked homey and yet not too stuffy.
Swallowing hard, Horatio noticed that he was nervous. It was so long since he had tried to seduce someone, his previous relationships had been effortless and most of the time the women had been the one pursuing him and not the other way round and since Marisol...
Horatio stopped the line of thought, his dead wife was not who he wanted to think about tonight. Tonight was Rick’s night and Horatio was determined to show the other man that he cared for him.
It’s your turn now.
Again James’ words resonated through his mind and Horatio took a deep breath to calm his nerves and slowly released it again. He could do this, he had to, because he didn’t want to lose another important person.
---
Horatio had really made an effort.
It was the first thing that came to Rick’s mind as he walked into Horatio’s living room. The lightning was dimmed and there even were candles on the table. The scent of a roast wafted through the room making his mouth water, but it was Horatio who took his breath away standing next to the table smiling gently.
“Thanks for coming over.”
Horatio looked different, Rick thought, softer somehow, more open, almost as if he had shed his masks and decided to show Rick the real man. It made his heart beat faster and he had to calm himself. He didn’t want to lift his hopes up only to have them come crashing down again.
“Thanks for the invitation.” He trailed off and shook his head at the sudden awkwardness that he felt. He had thought that he’d put that behind him, but something was different tonight.
Horatio smiled and poured some wine into two glasses. He handed Rick one and lifted his own. “To surviving a visit in Miami.”
Rick couldn’t help but laugh at little at the toast. “To surviving Miami.”
The wine was wonderful and Rick closed his eyes to savor the full taste for a second. When he opened them again, he saw Horatio looking at him strangely. “Wow, this is amazing wine.”
“Salvatore recommended it.” Horatio smiled. “It pays to work with an Italian.”
They talked about Rick’s visit in Miami and Horatio’s work with the university while Horatio served dinner and slowly but surely the insecurity of the first moments disappeared. Rick felt himself relax and enjoy Horatio’s company and he stopped watching every word he said.
“I’ve sold my house in Miami.”
Horatio froze and then looked at Rick with surprise. “So, you’re not going back.”
Shrugging, Rick told Horatio what he’d already told Mike. “I’ve made too many enemies to ever work with PD again and I don’t want to go into private security in a city where every cop hates me.”
“So what are you going to do?” Horatio’s question was lightly posed, but Rick noticed the tension in the other man’s body and hoped that he hadn’t misjudged the situation, hoped that he hadn’t made a mistake.
“Mike has organized a meeting with Sheriff Anderson from Trenton.”
Horatio’s eyes widened a bit, before he carefully set his wine glass down. “You’re planning on staying.”
It was Rick’s turn to tense as he nodded, but to his surprise, Horatio smiled. It was a smile, he had never before seen on Horatio’s face and he swallowed hard at the feelings it stirred in him.
“I was afraid, that you would leave.” Horatio had gotten up and walked over towards Rick. His voice had deepened and Rick’s heart was beating hard as he felt Horatio take his hand. “I was afraid of losing you.”
Rick got up and turned towards Horatio as suddenly the truth about this evening hit him. This wasn’t just dinner. This was a seduction.
---
“I was afraid, I would never have the chance to kiss you.”
“Don’t play with me.” Rick’s voice was shaky and Horatio knew that he had to be honest else he would still lose this man. Slowly he put his arms around Rick’s body and pulled him closer.
“I’m not playing. I want you, Rick. I care about you. I want to find where we can go together.”
Horatio could tell the exact moment when Rick realized what he had said. Rick tensed in his arms, and Horatio felt the muscles twitch under his hands. He knew that Rick was seconds away from stepping out of his arms. And he also knew that if he let him, then Rick would leave for good.
It was now or never and because never was not an option, Horatio leaned in and kissed Rick.
Rick tensed and his lips were closed, almost pressed together, but within moments they went soft and a small moan escaped Rick. Horatio felt as the muscles relaxed and then it was Rick who took the next step and moved closer, connecting them from head to toe, letting Horatio feel what one simple kiss did to him. Horatio moaned at the hardness that pressed into him and he felt himself tremble with desire and emotions.
He needed more and yet the need for air became stronger and with a sigh, he pulled away from Rick only to capture the other man’s lips again as soon as he had taken a deep breath. Rick kissed him back, but then moved away and Horatio’s breath caught as he saw the desire in Rick’s eyes.
“I want to make love to you.”
The words had slipped out before Horatio could control them, but he knew immediately that they had been the wrong ones when Rick tensed and shook his head. “Don’t talk of love unless you mean it, please.”
Horatio swallowed at the vulnerability that he saw in Rick’s eyes and the realization that the other man let him see his weakness so openly was like a punch in the gut. Horatio wanted to say something, but Rick shook his head and took his hand. Looking close in Horatio’s eyes, he took Horatio’s hand and lifted it to his lips. Compared to the previous heated kisses, this gesture was tender and it made Horatio’s heart ache.
“Let’s just enjoy the night and not think about tomorrow.”
Again Horatio saw the fear in Rick’s eyes, just briefly before it was masked and he finally understood. Rick was afraid that this was a one time thing, that this was Horatio’s way of thanking him or maybe even punishing him. Rick hadn’t understood what Horatio had meant when he had told him that he wanted to find out what they could be.
For a moment, Horatio was tempted, so tempted to just do what Rick asked and continue, but as much as his body craved Rick, he couldn’t do this to the other man. He couldn’t sleep with him while Rick was still afraid. Rick still held his hand and Horatio turned it so that instead of Rick kissing his fingers, he was now caressing Rick’s face.
“This is not a one time thing Rick, it’s not a walk on the wild side or a pity fuck or whatever you think it is. I care for you, Rick. You are right, I can’t say that I love you, not yet... But I want to find out if I can.”
Rick looked at him for a long time and Horatio saw fear and desire battle in the dark eyes. Again he caressed Rick’s face and smiled. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. Not if you think it’s your only chance... Not if you’re scared of what happens tomorrow.”
Rick closed his eyes for a moment and leaned into the hand that Horatio still had against his face. When he opened his eyes again, they were free of doubt and fear. Instead they were full of desire and love. “You have no idea how often I dreamed of this.”
Horatio felt something give in his heart and he captured Rick’s lips again with his, kissing the soft skin gently first in a silent thank you, before he parted them with his tongue and really kissed the other man.
“Let’s move to the bedroom.”
---
Something in Rick’s mind screamed at him that it was too much, and too fast. But he knew that he had lost the battle the moment he had walked into Horatio’s house and had seen the other man smile at him. He wanted Horatio, had wanted him for a long time and now he would finally find out how it felt to be touched by those hands, to be caressed by those lips. Horatio looked at Rick for a long time until Rick felt almost uncomfortable under the intense eyes.
“I’ll show you my dreams.” Horatio’s voice was hoarse and full of promise. Rick simply stared at him, surprised that the other man would admit to having had dreams about him. But before he could say anything, Horatio moved and slowly walked out of the room. Rick followed him mutely until they stood in the bedroom.
It was a masculine room, a lot of dark wood and dark furniture, but it didn’t feel hard or cold. Rick wondered whether Horatio had bought the house decorated or had decorated it himself, but his trail of thoughts was shaken when he felt Horatio’s hands at his neck.
Horatio was slightly shorter than Rick was and he smiled as he pulled Rick towards him. “I’ve never had a lover who was taller than I.”
Rick smiled back, but a thought suddenly occurred to him and he frowned. “Horatio, have you been with other men?”
He knew about the love Horatio had harbored for Tim Speedle, but he didn’t know if he had ever acted on any other crushes. Horatio nodded slowly. “A long time ago, yes.”
Horatio pulled Rick closer and again their lips met. It was heaven to be kissing Horatio and Rick couldn’t hold back the moan as he felt Horatio press against him and felt how their kissing affected Horatio. Horatio Caine was hard because of him. A shiver ran through Rick at the thought and he took over the kiss for a few moments, kissing the other man with all the passion he had hidden so long.
Horatio moaned against his lips and Rick felt his hands slip between them and start to unbutton his shirt. He mirrored the action quietly and soon they came together and felt skin against skin. Rick shivered and then smiled as he saw the slightly reddish hair that started at Horatio’s navel and disappeared in his pants. “A true red head.”
The blush that suddenly covered Horatio’s face was adorable, but what made Rick smile was the fact that the blush didn’t stop at the face, but continued down over Horatio’s neck to his defined chest. Rick wanted to say something, but thought better of it and instead trailed his hand down from Horatio’s face to his chest. Horatio trembled slightly under the soft caress and surprised Rick looked up.
“Are you ok?”
He wasn’t sure how much experience Horatio really had, and the last thing he wanted to do was scare the other man. Horatio though nodded. “I’m better than ok. But it’s a long time since someone touched me like this.”
Marisol. Rick tensed for a moment, but pushed the thought of Horatio’s dead wife away. He caressed Horatio’s chest again and playfully tweaked one nipple. Horatio’s moan and sudden jerk took him by surprise but Horatio didn’t sound distressed, just very turned on and Rick smiled as he made a mental note of the obvious hotspot.
“You wear too much.”
Horatio’s voice made Rick look up and he smiled at the leering look in the blue eyes. “So do you.”
Grinning at his lover, Rick started to undress without taking his eyes from Horatio’s face. He saw how the blue eyes darkened as he dropped his pants and stepped out of them. For a moment, Horatio seemed almost dazed, then he moved quickly and shed his clothes too.
It was Rick’s turn to stare now, Horatio was beautiful.
Reaching out, Rick let his hand moved down alongside Horatio’s flank and he smiled at the shudder that went through Horatio at the touch. “I want you.”
Horatio’s eyes flashed at the words and suddenly Rick found himself on the bed with Horatio on top of him. How had that happened? His mind focused on the sneaky move for a moment, but then Horatio’s lips stole any rational thought from him and Rick let himself simply feel.
Hands that caressed his body, lips that set him on fire. Strong muscles moving against his own body... And all that enhanced by blue eyes that held his own eyes captive, eyes that spoke of so much and most of all eyes that told him that they had a future.
“I need you, please Horatio.”
Rick wasn’t aware that he had spoken these words until Horatio stopped and shook his head. “No, Rick. I need you.”
Confused, he looked at the other man and then understood.
“I want you in me. Want to know that you care for me. That you are there for me.”
Too many people had left Horatio, and he’d been the strong one too often. Here with Rick, he allowed himself to be the one being taken care off instead of taking care. It was a dimension of trust that humbled Rick and he smiled even as his voice was trembling.
“I’m right here.”
---
Horatio hadn’t known what to expect when he and Rick finally got together. But it hadn’t been that incredible passion that had flared between them, nor had it been that sudden desire to give up control and lean onto someone. He saw Rick’s surprise at his words, but then Rick’s eyes got darker even as he smiled tenderly.
“I’m right here.”
And he was.
---
Rick knew that his hands were shaking, Horatio had given him so much trust. And now, he moved them so that Rick was on top and at the same time, he pulled Rick’s head down to kiss his lips. His lips were hot and soft, but his voice was simultaneously demanding and pleading as he whispered against Rick’s skin. “I need you, not soft and gentle but hard and you... I want to feel all of you.”
For a moment, Rick could only stare at Horatio. He was beautiful, all long legs, slender and yet Rick knew what strength was there. He smiled as he looked at the dusky nipples and the trail of hair from his belly button down to his cock. “You’re beautiful.”
Horatio looked at him surprised, but then he smiled and reached out for Rick’s face. “So are you.”
---
“I’ll be gentle.”
Within moments Horatio felt Rick’s finger at his entrance and a shiver of anticipation ran through him. This was Rick touching him, someone he had never expected to feel so much for, someone he had never thought he would want and yet, he had never felt this out of control before, had never allowed himself to let go to such a degree and it was a wonderful feeling.
“I want you now.”
Horatio noticed how Rick tensed at his words, how his hands trembled, but Rick shook his head at his plea. “You are not ready... I won’t to hurt you."
The love and determination in Rick’s voice washed over Horatio like molten honey, the feeling of being cared for was something new, something he wasn’t used to. It made him feel special, but at the same time, he needed Rick and needed him now. Determined to break through Rick’s resolve, he grabbed the lube and poured some on his hand. Holding Rick’s eyes captive, he moved his hand over Rick’s body down to his cock and slowly coated it with lube.
“Don’t Horatio, I need a condom first.”
Rick’s voice was breaking and Horatio could feel the shivers that ran through him. He still held Rick’s eyes with his as he shook his head. “I’m clean Rick. I haven’t been with anyone since I lost Marisol.”
Rick went still for a moment and closed his eyes. Horatio felt fear in his body, fear that him mentioning Marisol might have destroyed the mood, but then Rick opened his eyes and Horatio saw that they were glittering with lust and love.
“I haven’t been with anyone for a long time and I’ve been tested since then.”
Lust surged through Horatio and he moved against Rick’s fingers. “Take me”
“Oh god yes” Rick’s words turned into one long moan as he slid into Horatio’s body with one trust. It hurt for a moment but then Rick was deep inside his body and it was like everything was falling into place. Horatio felt his body relax and accommodate Rick and he lifted his hips to encourage Rick to move.
They moved in complete synchrony, their bodies were perfectly in motion and the hard thrusts made Horatio cry out each time he felt himself overwhelmed by the emotions he saw in Rick’s eyes and the feelings that cursed through his body. They looked at each other until they couldn’t hold the look anymore and the emotions became too much.
He came screaming Rick’s name and as his breathing returned to normal he felt the hot release inside his body while he heard Rick’s moan of his name. It was frightening and yet completely freeing and it was probably the first time that Horatio had heard his name spoken like this.
It wasn’t what he had dreamed about, he realized with a start. It was so much more.
It was a beginning.
---
*Epilogue*
Resting in Rick’s arms, Horatio felt safe and loved. For the first time in his life he had someone strong enough to carry him, someone he could lean on. Rick’s hand was on his arm and with a soft smile Horatio lifted it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss there.
Rick smiled at him before his eyes returned to the game on TV. “What was that for?”
“Nothing.”
Instantly he felt silly and let the hand drop again, but Rick surprised him once more as he raised the hand himself and turned towards Horatio. His hand caressed Horatio’s face, but his eyes were serious as he looked at him. “Hey there, communication remember?”
Horatio smiled and nodded slowly. “Sorry, I’m not used to have someone to lean onto. Someone who cares for me...”
Rick leaned down slowly and captured Horatio’s lips in a tender kiss. “I know, but you have me now.”
They were silent again after the short exchange and Horatio felt himself relax even more. Thinking back to the last couple of months, he couldn’t help but marvel at how much his life had changed. He had been a broken man, when he had come to Princeton, he had been exhausted and tired. But most of all he had been lonely and lost.
Now he not only had a job that finally did satisfy him again, but even more important he had friends, people he could rely on and he had Rick.
His eyes rested on Rick again and his heart thundered as he looked at his lover. His feelings for Rick had always been extreme first to the negative and now on the positive side. He couldn’t imagine a life without Rick, but for the first time in his life he was sure that he wouldn’t have to.
Rick would be there, right beside him forever.
Tuning out the game, Horatio’s eyes moved through the room, the sleek but comfortable furniture, the dark garden outside and with a jolt he realized something else.
He was home.
THE END
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