Title: Foolish Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: 61, 5_prompts
Prompt: 1, Some kind of unknowing fool
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Gil lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Greg was in his arms, curled up close against his side; he didn't want to get out of bed, for fear of waking his boyfriend from a peaceful sleep that Gil knew the younger man needed.

How many nights had he dreamed of this when he and Greg had been working at the lab together? Gil asked himself, a rueful smile twisting his lips. How many nights had he dreamed about being able to hold Greg in his arms, to fall asleep next to him?

He had been a fool not to realize how Greg felt about him -- but then, he hadn't been trying to notice any signs. And he'd kept his own feelings hidden as well, buried so deeply that he had barely been able to admit them to himself, much less to the object of his affection.

His foolish heart had yearned for Greg for so long that it still didn't seem as though they could actually be together. There were times when Gil felt that he needed to pinch himself to actually believe that the life he was living with Greg now was reality.

He had dreamed of this for so long, dreamed of having Greg in his arms, in his life. Every day that they had worked together, he had wanted to tell Greg how he felt, but instead, he had buried those emotions and let his foolish heart keep yearning for what he was sure that he would never have.

And now .... now he had everything that he had wanted for so long, and it still didn't seem quite real. Yet his heart told him that it was so; Greg was here in his bed, in his arms, in his life. Greg loved him; he had no doubt whatsoever of that.

The only thing that was missing in their relationship was more physical contact -- he couldn't deny that he wanted to take that to the next level, but he wasn't going to rush Greg into it. It was more than obvious that his boyfriend wasn't ready for that step yet.

Still, it was getting harder and harder to wait. Gil sighed, forcing himself to lie still and trying to stay calm and not let himself feel agitated or uneasy. He didn't want to wake Greg, and besides, there was no sense in getting frustrated about something that was out of his control.

He had been some kind of unknowing fool not to have seen the signs of Greg's feelings for him a long time ago, but that was his own fault. Maybe he hadn't wanted to see those signs; maybe he'd thought that them being together would cause too many problems.

As much as Gil hated to admit it to himself, one of the reasons that he'd kept his feelings for Greg buried was because of their age difference. It would have caused such an uproar that not only was he dating a man, and someone he worked with -- but a much younger man, at that.

At the time, he hadn't wanted to deal with the fallout that such a relationship might cause. But now, he wished with all of his heart that he'd had the courage to be with Greg despite what anyone might have said. He'd wasted so much time when they could have been together.

It had been foolish of him to think that Sara could ever replace Greg, that he could feel for her even a tiny bit of the passion that Greg aroused in him. He had tried to make their marriage work, but it was destined not to be. She hadn't been the right person for him.

He had really known that from the start, hadn't he? Gil sighed softly, raising a hand to stroke Greg's hair. He should have followed his heart, rather than running away from what he'd wanted most. Again, he'd wasted far too much time in denial.

How could anyone think that he was a brave man, when he hadn't had the strength to admit, either publicly or to himself, that he was in love with Greg? He had always known how he felt, but he had kept those emotions tied down, refusing to let them have free rein.

It had been ridiculous to do that, but at least he was back on the right track now. He only wished that he had come back sooner -- and that Greg hadn't had to suffer such a horrible trauma in order for them to finally let their feelings for each other show.

He had to blink back tears at the thought; he wanted to push that part of their lives away, to bury it deeply in the back of his mind and forget that it had ever happened. But that wouldn't help Greg on the road to recovery; the trauma had to be acknowledged, and worked through.

As painful as the memory of Greg's abduction and rape was for him, it was even worse for his boyfriend. Gil hated to think of what Greg had suffered; the younger man still had nightmares about those hours that he'd spent in that place, nightmares that only seemed to grow worse.

They had abated somewhat, but there were still nights when Greg awoke in a cold sweat, clinging to Gil and sobbing. And all he could do was hold the man he loved until he had calmed down, wishing with all of his heart that he could keep those dreams at bay.

Would he and Greg have come together if all this hadn't happened? Gil didn't know the answer to that question; he could only feel thankful to fate for bringing Greg into his arms, even though he wouldn't have chosen that particular way for it to happen.

His foolish heart hadn't been strong enough to take that first step towards Greg when they had been working together, and he would always regret that. But at least they were together now, and that was the only thing that really mattered.

Why hadn't he had the nerve to step forward and tell Greg how he felt much sooner than he had? It would have saved them both a lot of heartache, and so much wasted time. But there was always a chance that things wouldn't have worked out for them if he'd been more bold.

Fate worked in mysterious ways, Gil mused, tightening his arm around Greg's waist. If he had told Greg about his feelings years ago, their relationship might not have lasted. Greg might not have been ready to settle down with him, and they might have gone their separate ways.

But they might not have, a voice in the back of his mind piped up. They might have been together all this time, and he wouldn't have made the mistake of marrying Sara and trying to pretend that she could ever take Greg's place in his heart.

He'd been a fool not to have taken the chance of finding happiness with Greg when the opportunity had first presented itself. But he hadn't, and there was no use looking back on that time with regrets. He had Greg now, and he was sure they would stay together.

He might have no idea what would happen for the two of them in the future, but he was positive that both he and Greg were in this relationship for the long haul. After waiting so long for each other, nothing was going to tear them apart, no matter what might come their way.

Did Greg feel the same? Gil glanced down at the young man sleeping in his arms, a smile on his lips. Greg looked so innocent when he slept; any lines of stress or worry were smoothed away, his expression sweet and peaceful in slumber.

Gil could feel his heart melting when he looked at Greg, his foolish heart that had allowed him to fall head over heels for a man who was so much younger than him. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing in the world to have done, but he'd been unable to stop himself.

He loved Greg Sanders, would always love him. That love hadn't abated over the years, even though he had been married to someone else. Those emotions had been stronger than ever when he'd finally seen Greg again, and they dug more deeply into his soul every day.

He could never regret loving Greg, no matter what the future might bring. They wouldn't have an easy path ahead of them, but he would be right here beside Greg every step of the way, doing everything that he could to help his boyfriend deal with all that had happened to him.

With that thought in his mind, Gil took a deep breath, forcing his muscles to relax. Within moments, he had drifted off to sleep with Greg held close against him, their hearts beating in tandem, their dreams leading them to each other, just as their hearts had always done.

***