Title: Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend
Author: RealmofRed
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: R
Warning: character death, songfic
Author's note: Post GD song fic-------hats off to Serenity on LJ for her beautiful video that accompanied this song. I just wanted to add to a beautiful piece of music.
Summary: Post GD songfic.

***

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?


Greg stood in the shade, a light Texas breeze ruffling his hair. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his suit as he stared at the coffin on a pedestal, surrounded by hundreds of flowers. Tears still rolled down his cheeks, though he was certain there wasn't a drop of moisture left in his body.


Cause I saw the end before we'd begun


The end, he thought. God Nicky, we thought we had found you in time. So close, but the damage had already been done. Your body ravaged by the ants, and what was left of your tortured soul was shattered into a million irretrievable pieces.


So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night


You died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. None of us got to say goodbye, not even Catherine and Warrick, who rode with you. You slipped away from us with one last ragged breath, free from your mortal prison. But now I will never be free from my own hellish prison—my life without you.

You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you.


The days afterward were a blur—so much going on and so many people coming and going. Your parents were the first to arrive. Everyone we worked with knew about us, but they didn't. Grissom took them aside and told them, because I'm sure they would wonder why some guy you worked with was so distraught plus why we shared an apartment with only one bed.

I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you.




Your parents were taking you home to Texas, but we had a memorial service here in Las Vegas. You wouldn't believe the people that turned out. All for you Nicky. I don't think I've ever felt so numb and empty in my entire life. I vaguely remember the condolences from those who knew about us. Sara sat beside me during your service, holding my hand tightly, not wanting to let go. I've never seen so many people cry before------Grissom, Catherine, Warrick, and even Brass and Ecklie. This has broken us-----we all loved you so much.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me.

Grissom and I flew to Dallas for your funeral. Your parents were as supportive of me being there as they could under the circumstances. I held myself together pretty well I think. After the graveside service, I stayed at the cemetary, staring at your coffin, looking at the single red rose I had laid on top after everyone else had left. God, Nicky, why?? Why you out of all the billions of people on this earth? I loved you so much, and if my love could have saved you, you would still be standing beside me. You were so loved by so many and now you've been ripped out of our lives. How will we ever mend the gaping wound that your death has left bleeding and raw?

I am a dreamer but when I wake
You can't break my spirit—it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be.


Coming back to our apartment was one of the hardest things to do. To see the chaos of our intertwined lives, just as we left it that fateful day. A pair of your shoes are still in the living room. A book on birds is half-finished on the bedside table. Your toothbrush is still nestled with mine in the bathroom. I throw myself down on our bed, my soul destroyed, and I can still smell you on the sheets.


I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you.


The dam breaks open once again, and this time along with the never-ending tears is a feral cry that I barely recognize as my own. I don't know if the screaming will ever stop. I don't know if I can do this, Nick. The pain is almost too much to bear. This house is empty, my life is empty, and the reason I woke up each morning is gone. I miss you so much baby-----I miss your smile, your voice, your laugh, and the feel of your body wrapped around mine. Where do I go from here, Nicky-----how do I attempt to live again? Everything reminds me of you----our house, the lab, our friends, even the air that I breathe, still scented with you.



I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear its true
I cannot live without you.


I have not slept in two days. My mind is exhausted, but when I close my eyes all I see is your face. That beautiful face that I will never see again, that I will never hold between my hands again, that I will never kiss again. Grissom gives me a pill, forces it on me actually, and down I fall, into a drug-induced slumber. But I still dream of you.

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bear my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet.


Oh Nicky, to go back in time, to be able to hold you, kiss you, make love to you one more time. I miss you so much baby. I know that you were my one true love, the only one that I wanted to spend my life with. I pictured us growing old together, still so much in love, maybe even raising children together. I wanted to see us with thinning hair, wrinkles and the aches and pains of old age. I love you so damn much Nick, and I always will. I will miss you forever. Goodbye Nicky.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I'm so hollow baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.



finis