Title: Through A Glass Darkly
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Gil took a deep breath, looking over at Greg as his boyfriend reached for his hand. He twined his fingers through the younger man's, squeezing Greg's hand gently, reassuringly. He felt anything but reassuring, but he couldn't let Greg know that.

He had to be supportive in every way, even though he himself was almost as terrified of what the outcome of this testing could be as Greg was. He didn't want to think about the possibility of his boyfriend having cancer. He wanted to push that thought far away from his mind.

But they were here, in the hospital, waiting for the biopsy to be done. The doctor had examined Greg, and he had said that they should have tests done as soon as possible, before the lump had a chance to grow and develop; he'd seemed to think that they could stop it cold.

Gil hoped that he was right; he didn't want Greg to be put through any more pain or worry than he had to deal with already. On top of everything that he had already suffered, this seemed much too cruel a situation for fate to have meted out to him.

Greg was taking it better than Gil had thought he would be; but, of course, there was no telling how his boyfriend felt inside. He was obviously trying to hide his fears; he'd talked calmly and rationally to the doctor, and Gil had been proud of how he had faced the situation.

But Greg had to be quaking with fear inside, he was sure of it. He had seen how his boyfriend had reacted when he'd thought that Gil might not be able to love him physically if he did indeed have cancer; he was sure that Greg hadn't gotten over those fears yet.

He was sitting there quietly, looking down at the floor, as though he couldn't meet Gil's gaze. But when Gil twined their fingers together, he looked up, his lips twisting in a slight smile, though Gil knew him well enough to read the fear and uncertainty behind that expression.

"It's nothing to worry about, Greg," Gil said softly, trying to keep his voice to a low, soothing pitch. "I'm sure it's not a malignant tumor. We'll get the biopsy results in a couple of days, then they'll be able to remove it, and this will all be over."

"I hope you're right," Greg murmured, biting his lip. "All I've been able to think about for the last couple of days ever since I found that lump is the possibility that I might have cancer. It's scary, Gil. I might have to take chemotherapy, lose all my hair ...."

His voice trailed off as he gulped, and Gil squeezed his hand again. He could tell that Greg was fighting back tears now; the last thing he wanted to do was to make his boyfriend cry, not when Greg had tried so hard to stay calm in front of the doctor.

"I am right," Gil told him, keeping his voice strong and firm. There was no need to let Greg know about his own doubts and fears; his boyfriend knew that Gil shared his worries, but he was here to be supportive, not to add to the anxiety that Greg must be feeling.

The future had two sides that it could show them, Gil thought, taking a deep breath. It could be dark and gloomy, or it could be bright and promising. Either way, he would take whatever was coming, and he would do his best to make the most of whatever good they were given.

But before he could focus on the future, they both had to walk through a glass darkly to come out on the other side. All that he could do at the moment was hope that their future would be a good one, and that there would be no darkness waiting for them on the other side of that mirror.

"Whatever happens, I'm here with you," he told Greg, throwing caution to the winds and not caring what the doctor might think if he came back into the examination room unexpectedly. He moved closer to Greg, sliding his arms around the younger man's waist and pulling him close.

Greg rested his head against Gil's shoulder for just a moment before he raised his head to look at the older man, giving him a tremulous smile. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he murmured, his voice soft and husky. "Thank you for being here, Gil."

"I'll always be here, sweetheart," Gil whispered into his ear. "I'll always be right by your side, no matter how much darkness either one of us has to go through. I'm with you for life, Greg. I just wish I'd been with you long before now. I wasted far too much time."

"So did I," Greg said, giving Gil that slight smile again. "I should have told you how I felt about you a long time ago. But since you were my boss, I was scared to. And then when you married Sara, I figured that you couldn't feel the same way, and I just gave up."

"I shouldn't have settled for someone who could never be anything like what you are to me," Gil murmured, raising a hand to stroke Greg's hair. "That was my fault, Greg. I should have told you how I felt. I tried -- in little ways. But I never had the courage to just say what was in my heart."

"Neither did I," Greg admitted with a wry grimace. "But it's all worked out for the best, hasn't it?" His smile was steadier and more genuine this time; Gil leaned forward slightly to brush a kiss across his lips, feeling that he'd at least helped to make his boyfriend feel more secure.

"Just remember that no matter what happens, I'm with you," Gil told him, reluctant to let Greg out of his embrace, but knowing that he should probably be sitting down when the doctor came back. But somehow, touching each other helped to relieve some of the tension.

Greg nodded, the look in his eyes telling Gil everything that he needed to know. The situation that they found themselves in now wasn't going to drive them further apart; if anything, it would bring them closer together, and solidify their relationship.

It occurred to him that he was wholeheartedly in this with Greg, that he wasn't standing on the outside and looking in, or trying to separate himself from what was happening. He was part of this; it affected his life and his future as much as it did Greg's life.

Well, all right, maybe not just as much -- but since he was Greg's lover, he couldn't simply stand back and let his boyfriend try to handle this on his own. He was going to be there with Greg, holding his hand and taking each step of this journey right along with him.

They might have to pass through a glass darkly; they might have a long, hard road ahead of them if the news wasn't as good as Gil hoped it would be. But no matter what might be thrown at them, they would get through it together, as a couple.

Just as Gil sat down again, and Greg settled himself back onto the examination table, the doctor opened the door and came back into the room, apologizing for making them wait so long. Greg immediately looked apprehensive, and Gil reached for his hand again.

"There's nothing to be worried about, Mr. Sanders," the doctor assured him. "We'll just run a few tests today, and do a biopsy. We should have the results within forty-eight hours, and I'll call you with them as soon as we know anything."

Greg nodded, and Gil's fingers tightening on his. He couldn't possibly know just what his boyfriend was feeling at this point, but he knew that Greg was nervous and scared, and he was determined to let his lover know that he wouldn't go through this alone.

"The procedure won't be invasive, will it?" Gil inquired, hoping that there wouldn't be any physical trauma or discomfort involved with doing the biopsy. The last thing Greg needed now was to deal with anything of that sort, though he couldn't explain exactly why to the doctor.

"We'll have to take a sample, but it won't be overly invasive," the Doctor told them, a slight frown creasing his forehead. "It won't be painful, Mr. Sanders. I can promise you that." His words were addressed to Greg, but Gil had the feeling that he was talking to them both.

Greg took a deep breath, his fingers clenching more tightly around Gil's as he spoke. "Let's get this over with," he said, his voice soft, but firm and resolute. "The sooner we get the testing done, the sooner we'll know what we're up against."

Gil was proud of his boyfriend's calm demeanor; could he have been like that if he was facing the situation that Greg was in? He didn't think so. He would keep himself hidden behind a wall of stoicism, and pretend that his emotions weren't affected at all.

But Greg was far different from him; he was a man who was able to let his emotions show without having them tumbling out all over the place. He was the perfect combination of qualities -- which was only one of the many reasons that Gil had fallen so desperately in love with him.

"We'll take some x-rays first, and then we'll do the biopsy," the doctor told them. "If you'll just wait a few minutes, I'll be right back, and then we can get this show on the road. The quicker it's done, the quicker we'll be able to take care of any problems."

He left the room, and Gil squeezed Greg's hand again as they both sat back to wait. He would be glad when all this was over and they had some answers, Gil thought to himself. Somehow, he had a feeling that the darkness they would have to travel through was just beginning.

***