Title: We Too Had Known Golden Hours
Author: Kerguelen
Rating: PG at most
Pairing: Gil/Jim
Warning: angst
Spoilers: Ellie
Summary: Gil attempts to comfort Jim post Ellie.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, but boy do I wish I did.
Notes: This plot bunnie had been pestering me for quite some time, but got much more vocal due to many conversations with Joanne who kindly beta read this for me. This is the first in what will be a series of stories if Joanne and the bunnies have anything to say about it.

***

Grissom had had no idea of just how bad the shift had truly been when he sat down to listen to Warrick recount the events of the shift. When he'd handed the shift off to Warrick it had just been a simple chip clip with the con artist ending up dead. He'd foolishly assumed that they'd wind up finding out one of the guy's victims had come back for revenge.

"We found airline ticket stubbs in our vic's pockets - one for him and one for Ellie Rebecca. Turns out Ellie Rebecca is Ellie Rebecca Brass."

Grissom's heart started pounding at hearing that name. He hoped that it wasn't Jim's Ellie, but he knew from the tone of voice Warrick used to say it that it was her.

"Ellie Brass? Jim's daughter?"

"You knew he had a kid? Came as a complete surprise to me. I looked up her file. You wouldn't believe the list of priors on that girl. She's got--"

"Warrick. The airline tickets?"

"Right. It turns out that our vic and Ellie Brass were working as mules. Our vic hadn't had time to pass his balloons before he was shot, but we didn't find any when we x-rayed Brass's daughter."

"You saw her? She was here?"

"Yeah, man. You should have seen it. Brass sees her in the hallway and she comes over to him and I'm thinking nice little family reunion, then she goes and spits on his badge. I don't know what I was going to do, but I was heading over until Vega stopped me."

Grissom only caught the rest of the conversation in bits and pieces. Sara running with the counterfeit money angle without checking in, Greg figuring out that Jim wasn't Ellie's biological father, Vega trying to keep the entire case from exploding, and Ecklie being, well, Ecklie. He sat there and impatiently waited for Warrick to get through with his version of the evening so that he could be appropriately supportive and Catherine wouldn't get on his case about it, but the whole time he was anxious to get on the road and find Jim. He didn't know what he'd do when he found Jim, but he knew that he needed to be there for him. He was probably the only person in Vegas who knew the whole story about Jim's ex-wife and daughter. The whole time Gil sat there listening to Warrick, all he could see was the look on Jim's face as he told him how he'd married his best friend when she got knocked up in college, that they'd figured it was a great plan since that way she wouldn't get in as much trouble with her parents and people wouldn't question his sexuality when he went to the police academy.

"It seemed like a great idea at the time. Too bad it didn't work," Jim said with a sigh. "We forgot that we both wanted more. She wanted a husband who wanted her. I loved her, hell, I'll always love her, but I'm gay. She knew that going in, but somewhere along the lines, she forgot what that meant. I spent more and more time at work to get away from the situation at home. I missed out on way too much of Ellie's life. I don't blame her for blaming me, she should blame me. I should've been there for her. She's my kid. Maybe not in terms of DNA and all that, but she's still my kid."

"What happened?"

"We tried to put a good face on it for Ellie's sake, but she knew. She always knew. She started acting out, getting herself arrested. Figured it was a sure fire way of getting my attention. Janice, my ex, she blamed me for that too. I wasn't there for her, I wasn't there for Ellie, what good was I, you know? So, I came home one night and my bags are packed and sitting in the Camero I'd been working on during my down time and she's changed the locks to the house. I moved into a hotel for a while, hoping - I don't know - hoping she'd take me back, hoping we'd figure some way out of this mess"¦ Anyway, a few days later I got served with divorce papers. And that as they say was that. No more marriage, no more wife and kid, no more home."

"Gris?"

"Yes?"

"Next time you and Catherine are both going to be gone, do me a favor. Pick Nick. Better yet, pick Sara. Let her try dealing with everything."

"Go home. Get some rest. And the thing with Sara? In the words of Hamilton Mabie, Don't be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against; not with; the wind."

As soon as Warrick had finished rolling his eyes at him and left, Grissom grabbed his keys and practically raced for the door. He only just remembered to take his poor Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches with him. Checking his watch, he knew it was late enough that Jim was off shift so hopefully he'd be at home. Thankfully, Jim was far more likely to hole up in his condo than to go to some dive. There were far too many dives for Gil to know which one to look for him at.

Grissom was amazed that he'd made it to Jim's without getting pulled over. He knew he'd blown through a couple of stop signs in his haste. He just couldn't shake the feeling that this was bad, really bad, and that Jim needed him. Gil might not know exactly what to do to help his friend, but he knew he had to try. Jim had always been there for him when he'd needed him, dragging him out of himself when he'd needed it or making him see that things could always be worse.

Once Gil was standing in front of Jim's door, he began having second thoughts. Considering the current state of their friendship, he started to wonder if coming here was the right thing to do. Sure they he liked to think that he and Jim were still friends, but things were still strained between them. It hadn't been that long ago that they'd broken things off, or rather, that he'd broken things off with Jim. He still remembered the flash of pain that crossed Jim's face when he'd told him that he wanted to go back to just being friends. It had only been there for a moment and then it was gone and Jim had the same look on his face that he normally had when he was interrogating someone - the one where all of Jim's real emotions were locked away. It had killed Gil to realize that he'd hurt Jim that badly and, despite all the reasons why Jim shouldn't be involved in a relationship with him, he'd nearly apologized and told him to forget he'd said it.

Taking a deep breath, Gil knocked on the door. He almost hoped that Jim wouldn't answer. He knew he wasn't any good with this kind of thing. Gil was beginning to think Jim wasn't going to answer when the door swung open to reveal Jim standing there in his low riding, blue silk pajama bottoms. Gil swallowed as he remembered just how those same pajama bottoms had felt under his hands. It was almost enough to make Gil completely forget why he was there. For a long time, the two men just stood there staring at one another lost in their own thoughts. It was Jim who finally broke the silence.

"What are you doing here? We're just friends, remember? Besides, weren't you supposed to be off racing roaches or something like that?"

"I got back a little while ago. When I went to check in at the office, Warrick told me what happened - about Ellie," Gil said, watching as Jim rubbed his forehead with his hand.

"And?"

"And? And I thought you might want some company, someone to talk to."

"Gil, go home."

"Go home?"

"Even if I did want someone to talk to, it wouldn't be you. I've already had to deal with one ex tonight, I don't need to deal with another."

"You talked to Janice?"

"Of course I talked to Janice. I had to tell her what Ellie had gotten herself tangled up in this time. I called her as soon I found out what Ellie was linked to this mess."

"Oh. I uh - Look, I know I'm not exactly your favorite person right now, but I figured you could use a friend and this isn't exactly something you can talk about to just anybody. I mean, who else are you going to talk to?"

"For Pete's sake! If you must know, I talked to Vega earlier."

"You talked to Vega? As in Detective Vega?! About everything? He knows that you're..."

"Gay? Yes, Gil, he knows. And you know what? He doesn't care."

"You and Vega?! Have you lost your mind? It's bad enough that one of you is involved with a man. Do you really think both of you will be able to hide it? What if someone finds out about the both of you? You'll both --"

"I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH VEGA."

"But you said --"

"I said he knows, I didn't say anything about sleeping with him. As for how he knows, he knows because I told him! And gee, guess what? He didn't freak out. He didn't see my getting involved in a relationship as the death knell of my career. Hell, he offered to set me up with his wife's cousin."

"It's too dangerous for you to be involved with someone. It was bad enough when we were just sleeping together occasionally, it's easy enough to cover for that, but to be involved in a relationship with someone?! You're just asking for trouble. Someone is going to notice."

"It's MY decision! I'm willing to take the risk and just because you don't think I should, doesn't mean that I'm going to turn down the opportunity to find someone and be happy!"

"Damn it, Jim! You're not thinking this through."

"Just because I don't see things the way you do, doesn't mean I'm not thinking things through! You think I don't know how dangerous it can be to be a gay cop?! While you were still having fun in academia, I was already hiding who I was behind a farce of a marriage," Jim practically hissed. "I ruined three lives trying to keep people from knowing about me, I'm not doing that to anybody else. You think I'm making a mistake? Fine, duly noted. Now go home and let me get some sleep. The last thing I needed after tonight was to rehash everything with you."

"Jim, I -- I didn't mean to - We're friends, I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"I know. But really, go home," Jim said, shutting the door in Grissom's face.

This was why he didn't get involved with people. He'd done it again. He'd meant to help a friend and ended up hurting him. Standing there at Jim's door, he let his head rest against the wood. All he'd wanted to do was be there for Jim and instead he'd made it worse. Sighing, he headed back to the Tahoe and home.

***