Title: Haunted By His Past
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Hurt/Comfort, mission_insane
Prompt: 8, Haunted
Warnings: on-going series, mentions of rape/abuse in previous relationship
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

"Greg, is something wrong?" Nick asked as he looked over at his boyfriend with a worried frown. Greg had dark circles under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept well, but Nick knew that he hadn't awakened in the night from one of his nightmares.

Or maybe Greg simply hadn't been able to sleep, and had spent the night lying in his arms without making a sound or letting him know that he couldn't sleep. It would be like Greg to do that; he hated to bother Nick with his problems, even though Nick encouraged him to.

He wanted to help Greg put the past behind him as much as he could; if that meant sitting up all night and rocking his boyfriend in his arms after he'd had a nightmare, then Nick was only too happy to do that. But he knew that Greg didn't like feeling so vulnerable.

Nick sighed softly, wishing that he could change the past. The truth of the matter was that Greg was still vulnerable, whether he wanted to admit it or not. He still had a lot of issues that he hadn't worked through, and Nick didn't want them to get worse.

Would Greg always be haunted by his past? he wondered, hoping with all his heart that it wouldn't be so. He didn't want his boyfriend to have to struggle with those memories every day and night of his life, unable to push them aside no matter how badly he wanted to.

Greg had made remarkable strides already, he told himself. They were lovers in every sense of the word, physically and emotionally; he had thought that it would take Greg a lot longer than it had to allow himself to be touched. But he'd been brave and leapt that abyss.

But his boyfriend was still haunted by past events, and Nick knew that until Shane was behind bars, Greg would always carry some of that fear around with him. He didn't know when or if Shane was going to turn up in his life again, and he was apprehensive about it.

Nick didn't blame him for that. Greg had been through a horrific experience; it was bad enough that he'd been abused during the time that he'd been in a relationship with Shane, but things had gotten even worse when Shane had kidnapped Greg from the hospital.

He didn't want to think about that, Nick told himself firmly, trying to push away the images that crowded into his mind. He could still see Greg tied to that bed, see the fear in his eyes, the certainty that it was Shane coming after him again.

Just as Greg was haunted by the things that had happened to him, Nick was haunted by some of those experiences, too. He had been part of them; he had been drawn into Greg's life until he'd felt that keeping Greg safe was his responsibility, one that he took very seriously.

He hated seeing that haunted look in Greg's eyes whenever anything came up that concerned his past; just knowing that Greg was still so disturbed about his past tugged at his heart. If only he could erase the bad parts, and leave only the good!

But had there been any good parts about Greg's relationship with Shane? Greg had always said that things had been good between them when they had first been together, but Nick doubted that those good times had lasted very long, at least for Greg.

Just thinking of all that Shane had made Greg suffer made Nick clench is fists in anger; he hated to even think about all that Shane had done to the young man Nick loved. When he found the bastard, he would exact revenge for all that Shane had put Greg through.

Stop it, Nick, he cautioned himself. He shouldn't be thinking like that. Those kinds of thoughts would get him into trouble -- and they wouldn't do Greg any good, either. He had to behave like an officer of the law, not a vigilante out to exact vengeance.

Harming Shane wouldn't take that haunted look away from Greg's eyes; it would only cause bigger problems for them, problems that they might not be able to handle. He had to let the law take care of Shane; he had to trust in justice, and know that it was coming.

He couldn't mete out that justice himself, no matter how badly he might want to. But if he ever happened to run into Shane when he wasn't on duty, when he wasn't acting as a CSI .... then the other man had better watch his back, Nick thought grimly.

Greg shook his head in reply to Nick's question, but his gaze didn't meet Nick's eyes. Something was wrong; Nick could sense it. It wasn't just that Greg wasn't looking at him; he could feel the tension in his boyfriend's body, always a bad sign.

"Don't tell me there's nothing wrong, baby," he said softly, reaching across the table to take Greg's hand in his own. "I can feel it. I always know when there's something bothering you, so don't try to tell me there isn't. Just talk to me, Greggo. I want to help, if I can."

"You already do too much for me, Nicky." Greg finally looked up at him, fatigue apparent in his face. "I feel like I'm too much of a burden on you sometimes. I know you love me, but ...." He waved one hand in a helpless gesture. "I wish I wasn't such a basket case."

"You're not, sweetheart." Nick squeezed Greg's hand, wishing that he could make his boyfriend see how worried he was, and how much he wanted to help with whatever the problem was. "Part of loving a person is being there for them, no matter what, whenever they need you."

"I wish I could be there like that for you," Greg told him, sounding wistful. "If I didn't have so many hang-ups, then I could be. You do so much for me, Nicky, and I don't feel like I do nearly enough in return. How do you put up with me?"

"Put up with you?" Nick asked with a soft laugh, shaking his head. "Where's all this coming from, baby? No way do I have to 'put up with you.' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Greg. You're the love of my life. And you do plenty for me."

Reaching out to cup Greg's chin, he continued speaking, his voice soft and husky. "You help me get through every day just by being here with me. You fill up my heart and my life. You make me happy every time you smile. Believe me, Greg, you do more for me than I can put into words."

Those words brought a smile to Greg's lips; Nick leaned forward to brush his mouth over Greg's, trying to resist the urge to pull the younger man into his arms and hold him. That would come later, when they were in bed and he could let his hands roam freely.

All he wanted to do at the moment was pull Greg into his embrace, kiss him, and tell him how much he was loved. Why not do that? he told himself with an inward smile. Greg obviously needed to hear those words, as much as he wanted to say them.

Getting to his feet, he pulled Greg towards him, moving one hand down the young man's back as he drew his lover close. "I love you, Greg," he murmured, his lips trailing across Greg's cheek before capturing his mouth in a slow, heady kiss that took his breath away.

When they finally pulled away from the kiss, the haunted look was gone from Greg's eyes; all that Nick could read there was love and desire. He felt unaccountably proud of himself for being able to chase that haunted expression away, even if it was just for a short while.

Greg looked so much happier now that his thoughts had been diverted away from the past. Nick wished that his boyfriend could look this way all the time; he hated to think that anything disturbed Greg's hard-won peace of mind. Greg deserved a respite after all that he'd been through.

He wished with all of his heart that one day, Greg wouldn't be haunted by his past any longer. He wanted the man he loved to be free of all that -- though he knew that until Shane was behind bars, Greg would more than likely never feel completely at ease.

Well, he would just have to do his best to see that it came about, he told himself firmly, tightening his hold on Greg. For now, all he wanted to do was keep kissing Greg -- and he had the definite feeling that his boyfriend wouldn't argue with that at all.

***