Title: He Remembered
By: Kuroi Neko-kun
Pairing: implied Horatio/Speed
Rating: PG-13
Summary: H recollects his memories of Tim…
Warnings: SLASH! Implied slash between Horatio and Speed. Oh and implications of Speed's death. And spoilers to many episodes that it almost becomes general.
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
A/N: Well, never watched 'Lost Son' but I know what generally happened.

***

He remembered the time he first met Speed. He was young and exuberant, showing signs of excitement. He had found out somehow, he couldn't remember exactly how, that the younger man found his place in the crime lab. He loved his job and he tended to get addicted to it. He remembered when Speed shifted through a huge ball of shredded paper, looking for any implication of a clue. He spent day and night on it. When he was told to go home, all Speed said was," At this point, I'm addicted." He remembered that Speed loved puzzles too. A good reason he was a CSI…

He remembered his fights with Speed. The man had ways to always challenge his authority. And even though he threatened to fire him so many times, he knew he couldn't. And Tim knew that too. He remembered the times when he taught Speed lessons in life or anything in general. There was one time when he asked 'why forensics?' when there was no hope of ever catching the 'bad guy'. H showed him when the victim's family came by, wanting to know any news of their daughter.

"That's why," he had said, showing the family. At that time, Speed had told him that he didn't know what to say. He saw it in Speed's eyes that he understood. That he had learnt another lesson.

He remembered when he saw Speed get shot the first time. When his lungs collapsed, H was on the verge of panic but he kept it to himself and concentrated on Speed. He knew that he couldn't lose Tim. He needed the man more than anything in the world. It was then H realized he could not hold back his feelings much longer. He knew he was in love with Tim Speedle. But instead of revealing his feelings, he bought him a gun-cleaning kit.

He remembered when Speed told him something that changed both their lives. He remembered that day well. The both of them had just solved a case that involved a lot of homophobia. He was irked at each and every homophobic he met during the case. He came by after the case and offered to accompany him to dinner. He deliberately steered their conversation away from the case. But Tim brought it out himself, almost blurting out that he was gay. It shocked him but he was relieved. Relieved that there was a possibility for him to be with Speed.

He remembered their first date. His palms were sweaty, he barely could keep his focus and he wondered how bad the date was going to be. He had all the classic signs of nervousness. The reason was that it was his first date with a man. It wasn't any other men but Tim. He remembered that he ordered for the both of them. It was chicken as Tim was allergic to shellfish. He remembered that Tim had told him that he didn't expect him to be asking him out. He confessed his nervousness to Tim because it was his first time going out with a guy. The younger man smiled at him then before saying that he'll walk him through the process.

He remembered always waking up to the smell of Speed. That lingering smell that had entwined itself in his sheets. There was so much smell to Speed that he could define it all. He remembered always smelling Tim's hair, enjoying the mix of sweat and shampoo at times, the smell of his breath after a rough night together, the smell of Tim's body after a cold shower… He remembered his nights with Tim, how much he had shown his love for the younger man in their love making. The promises they both made of not letting go of each other until death did them apart. The many 'I love you' said to each other. He remembered them all. And he will never forget them.

He was getting old. He knew that one day Speed would be a name he would remember but he would forget the reasons. He would remember loving Speed but he would never remember what they did during the times he was with Tim. Pictures can only provide comfort that Speed was in his life but he would never remember…. In time… But for now, he had to remember, for Speed's sake. He opened a scrapbook of many different articles, cut outs from newspapers and magazines. He turned to a certain page with an article of Speed's death. He had read it so many times that he memorized each and every letter on the print. Beside it was a piece of paper with a poem written by Speed.

Through Life and Death,

Hardship and Pain,

I'll be forever yours,

Horatio Caine.

-By Tim Speedle.

Speed thought it was stupid by he thought it was beautiful. After all, it came from the heart. He was touched that Speed felt that way. He touched the paper before letting his tears stain his cheeks.

"Forever mine?" he mumbled, wiping his face," Speed, you're not even here anymore." And he blamed himself for it. For not making sure Speed cleaned his gun, for not wearing a vest. For not being the one shot. And that he will remember the rest of his life.

Fin