Title: I'm Only Human
Author: Jaxson K.
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick can't seem to let Gil go....
A/N: The description of the dream is in italics as Nick is thinking about it....
Warning: character death, angst

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Nick woke up to a soaking wet pillow, tears running down his face. This was really no surprise to him since this had been going on since Gil had died. He had been told that things might get easier given time, but Nick knew that wasn't the case. If anything, it got harder. There were all sorts of reminders and memories that kept Gil on Nick's mind, and it seemed that there was no escape.

 

In the six months since Gil had been gone, Nick had managed to get next to nothing done. Gil's clothes still hung in their closet, the bookcases in their office still held Gil's books, and there were still experiments in Gil's office fridge that really needed to go. Nick couldn't bring himself to do away with any of it because it was Gil's stuff, and Nick wanted to keep as much of Gil around him as possible.

 

Everyone at work had been very supportive in the aftermath. Catherine had fixed it so that he could take an extended leave without losing his job. Sara had even been helpful in her own way. She sat and talked with Nick on various occasions and even offered to run errands and pick up food from time to time. Jim Brass had been an even bigger help in that he had known Gil for a number of years, and shared stories about Gil that no one else knew. Jim knew that Nick was in pain, and he gladly told the young man everything he knew about Gil.

 

The biggest support had come from Greg Sanders, of all people. Nick and Greg had been friends since Nick had come to the lab, and Greg was always there to support his friend. Greg listened while Nick ranted and raved about the injustice of Gil dying, and had held Nick when the grief overwhelmed him and he would cry his eyes out. All of his "family" from the lab was there for him, and he was extremely grateful. There was one thing that no one could help with, though, and that was the dream that plagued Nick night after night.

 

I walk in. The room is bare, and I close my eyes and I feel you there. I feel your hands wandering over my body and your soft lips begin pressing against mine. I tell myself this can't be real, but I find myself slowly slipping away. I can't seem to resist the sensation of your touch, and I find myself craving it more. The touch starts to fade, and I feel so cold. I find myself calling out to you, and searching for you once again.....

 

Nick knew for sure that the dream stemmed from the fact that he had loved Gil for so long, and had loved him so deeply. That's why he always woke up crying. He wanted Gil back, but he knew that wasn't possible. Not anymore. Nick knew he would never forget Gil Grissom, but he also knew that he had to find a way to go on. He knew he couldn't live on memories. He knew Gil would tell him to get on with Life and start living again. He also knew that he would do so when he got ready to. After all, he was only human.....

 

THE END

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