Title: Into Something I Could Touch
Author: ezra_t
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: Eric/Ryan (unrequited)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but the plot and personalities are mine.
Summary: Some times you just need to let it all loose.
Warnings: Very light hint of slash

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I've been walking around all day, thinking
I think I have a problem, I think I think too much
I've been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you've made pain into something I could touch
Free - Maria Mena


Into Something I could Touch


You don't know what your doing here. How you wound up in front of this grave. You had only meant to go for a short walk, clear your head. Today you had finally wrapped up an extra hard case and you were happy to finally be done with it, but your happiness didn't last for long did it? From the moment you had stepped into the lab you knew that it was going to be one of those days. Eric was snappier than usual, nearly taking your eye out in the locker room, Calleigh was quieter, her smile even less dim then what even you were used too, Horatio was even more distant (if that was possible) and poor Alexx had just a little more dose of sadness in her brown eyes. It wasn't until you were walking out of the lab at the end of your shift that you saw the calendar.

Today was the day Tim had died.

You guess that it really hit you then just how much of an outcast you really were. Everyone was mourning a dead man and yet you didn't even know that today had been his death day. You couldn't help but wonder at how they all could do it. Come to work on a day like this. You admired them all the more for it.

You look down at the tombstone right in front of you and sigh. 'Why did I come here?' you think to yourself, 'At a time like this?'. Footsteps bring you out of your daze, and you tense your back and wince at the voice that greets you.

"What the hell are you doing here Wolfe?"

Eric Delko. Your number one antagonist. The one who always found fault in your work, always had a snide comment on the ready, never missed a chance to remind you that you were just no Speed...No Tim.
Eric Delko... Tim's best friend... The man you loved.

"I couldn't sleep."

You said it as if it answered everything. And maybe it did because before you knew it Eric was right there next to you. Shoulders loose, face relaxed. You could see all his emotions, there on his face and, maybe, just maybe, you thought, that he would open up to you and- no. Just as quickly as he was relaxed he was tense, voice tight.

"Yeah, but what are you doing here? You didn't know him Wolfe, you have no right-" and that was it.

That was the last straw. He was right. What where you doing there? You could never be Tim, you never really met him, at least not really. You didn't belong and here was Delko once again throwing it in your face. You knew. You understood. And you accepted it long ago. But to have him remind you here. Here of all places. In front of Tim's grave. In front of the man you never knew but greatly admired. This was too much. All of it. And you let it show. You exploded, let loose all that pent up anger and pain and just let it out.

"Yeah, and so what! Sure I never knew him! I never met him! I still knew he was great though. Come on Delko you never let me forget it! But I know it okay! I don't belong. I'm not wanted. I'll never be Tim. But Jesus Eric I never wanted to be Tim, I never tried to be him but your so delusional, so caught up in your own grief you don't even see that there's other people around you! Hurting just as much as you are! Or wanting to protect you! Or love you! Just-"

Here you cut off, calm your breath and get yourself back under control. You continue, voice stronger and you look him in the eye before continuing.

"Just grow up Eric, grow up."

And it's not until your walking away that you realize that your crying. And it's fitting some how that it would be Eric to break the dam. To make you explode. To tear down your carefully constructed walls.
After all, he was always the one who made pain into something you could touch.

-End-

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