Title: I'm on My Way
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Pairing: Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing him for a while. Please do not sue.

***

He'd done it. He'd finally done it.

Ryan couldn't hold back a smile as he passed a sign that told him he was leaving Miami. After more than a month of trying to decide if he was doing the right thing by leaving and taking a job at the crime lab in Las Vegas, he was finally on his way.

It had been one of the hardest decisions he'd ever made; after all, his family was here in Miami. He'd grown up here, and he'd never lived anywhere else but this city. But it was past time that he made a change in his life, a major change that would turn everything upside down.

He was never going to be completely accepted in the Miami crime lab. To them, he would always be nothing more than the guy who had replaced Speed -- and they would always resent him for that. Nothing he could do would ever change their attitudes.

Even Horatio, who had hired him and had faith in him, treated him like he was just a replacement. He had never developed the kind of camaraderie with his boss that the other members of the team seemed to have; his relationships with the entire team had always been strained.

He could understand why Delko and Calleigh resented him -- they had been close to Speedle, and they had never warmed to him because they hadn't been able to let go of that initial resentment. It was childish and petty of them, but Ryan had long since accepted it.

But Horatio .... he sighed and pushed the thought away from him. Horatio should have been closer to him; he should have accepted Ryan as a full-fledged team member and realized that Ryan always tried to do his best for the team, no matter what the situation might be.

But that had never happened. Horatio had always gone along with the others, always being willing to throw Ryan to the wolves if he made the slightest mistake. Calleigh and Delko could screw anything up and be given a pass, but Ryan was always crucified for anything he did wrong.

Walter had been the only team member who had believed in him wholeheartedly, even when manufactured evidence had made him look guilty of doing horrible things. The others had all believed that he was guilty; they hadn't even questioned what they'd seen and heard.

He didn't want to live like that any more, didn't want to always be the scapegoat for others' mistakes, or the patsy who had to take a fall when things went wrong. He was tired of always being on the outside looking in, and knowing that he would never be a real part of that inner circle.

He was heading for a whole new life, Ryan told himself firmly. A life that he should have embarked on a long time ago, a life that he hoped would be better than anything he would be leaving behind him. It was past time he'd cut the cords that held him here.

His family had been optimistic about him going to Vegas, even though he knew that they would miss him -- and he would miss them. But still, they wanted him to be happy, and he instinctively knew that he'd be much happier away from Miami.

When he'd first made the decision to leave Miami and apply for a job opening that he'd heard about in Vegas, he'd spent a lot of time wondering if he was doing the right thing. After all, even though he didn't feel that he was really part of the team here, he was established in Miami.

If he went to Vegas, he would start all over again, at the bottom of the ladder -- he would be the "new kid in town" yet again, and he would have to learn all of the rules of the crime lab from the ground up. But still, that didn't seem like such a daunting proposition.

He'd done it once, and he could do it again. And this time, he wouldn't be replacing someone who the team had felt was such an integral part of them that they would resent him for being the new guy. It would be a much easier transition than coming into the Miami team had been.

This time, he wasn't going to be second choice. He had been accepted into the Vegas crime lab on his own merits; his work had spoken for itself, and the problems that he'd had in the past weren't going to be held against him. Horatio had taken care of that.

All of the troubles that Ryan had dealt with in Miami had been explained to the Vegas crime lab by his boss; Horatio had done his best to make sure that Ryan would be able to move into the Vegas lab with no trouble whatsoever. He'd vouched for him in a way that no one else would.

So maybe Horatio had considered him a valuable team member, after all, Ryan thought with a sigh and a slight smile. But it was too little, too late. If his former boss had really felt that Ryan was valued, then he wouldn't have paved the way to Vegas so easily.

Or maybe he'd just done it because he had realized that Ryan would be happier in Vegas, and that he would never be fully accepted here. Horatio had always seemed to sense how the other team members had treated him, even though he'd never said anything about it.

Ryan knew that Horatio thought he was a good CSI, even with all of the trouble he'd gotten into when they had worked together. Maybe clearing the road to this new job in Vegas was his way of showing that, of making up for how badly the Miami team had treated him.

That didn't bear thinking about now, Ryan told himself, pushing those thoughts out of his mind. He was on his way, the road stretching out in front of him, his life opening up into new vistas that he couldn't wait to travel down. It was exciting, uplifting, exhilarating.

Who knew what he would discover in Vegas? It might not seem like the best place for him, given his problems with gambling in the past, but he was sure that he could overcome any temptations that were thrown into his path. He wasn't going to let old habits come back to haunt him.

He was done with gambling, had been for a long time. He wasn't going back to that life of skulking in dark corners, hoping that his weakness wouldn't be noticed by anyone he worked with, or by any of his friends. He had learned his lesson when it came of that.

Vegas might be full of casinos, but he wasn't going to succumb to their seductive lure. He could find other ways to spend his free time -- or he could spend most of his time working, only going home to tumble into bed, too tired to think about hitting a casino.

He would sublimate those dark desires, turn them into something positive, Ryan told himself, pushing away the little voice in the back of his mind that insisted it wouldn't be quite as easy as he thought. He didn't have to listen to that voice. Besides, it was wrong.

In Miami, he had let fate turn him this way and that, blow him along with tides, take him where it may. But in Vegas, his life was going to be different. No more going with the flow; no more trying not to cause too many ripples in a calm surface. This was a whole new world, a whole new life.

He was going to be his own man this time; to hell with trying to fit in. He'd done enough of that in Miami, and it had never worked out the way that he'd wanted it to. He hadn't been unhappy here, but he hadn't been fulfilled, either. He wanted his new life to be different.

Not many people were given a chance to start a new life, to leave their past behind and begin with a clean slate. True, there might be some things from Miami that would follow him, but for the most part, this new life was a spotless vista stretching out before him.

He had the chance to make his life everything that he wanted it to be -- professionally and personally. But this time, he wasn't going to look for anyone to share that life with him. He'd also done enough of that in Miami -- and often with disastrous results.

No, this time he was going to live for himself and his work; he didn't need a special person in his life to make him happy. That was yet another thing he was leaving him -- the feeling that he needed someone in his life to make him happy. This time, he would make himself happy.

Ryan smiled as he pressed the accelerator, his spirits soaring the more that he thought about the new life that awaited him in Vegas. He would make that life a good one, he told himself. He was leaving behind all the mistakes of the past, and starting fresh.

***