Title: Important Decisions
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Danny Nagano
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 52_challenge
Prompt: 47, Perform
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Danny Nagano, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Danny moved restlessly around Greg's living room, picking up a magazine and then putting it down again, sitting down on the couch for a few moments, then getting back up to pace around the room. He wondered if he should go into the kitchen where Greg was.

Maybe he should be in there helping his boyfriend with dinner, even though Greg insisted that he didn't need any help and it would all be done in just a few minutes. He wanted to give himself something to do, something to ease his agitation.

He still hadn't told Greg about that letter, the request for him to take part in that tournament. He had fished the letter out of the trash can not long after he'd thrown it away, and kept it. He hadn't answered it yet, but time was running out, and he had to give them his answer soon.

It was going to be almost impossible to choose. Either he could spend time away from Greg, months on the road, or he could let his career take a nose dive. He wanted to do both, but that was impossible. He needed to talk to Greg about this, get his boyfriend's opinion.

But it was so hard to bring this up with Greg; he didn't want the other man to feel as though he was being abandoned, as though Danny thought more of his career than he did of their relationship. Because the truth was anything but that.

Greg meant more to him than anything in the world; if he had to choose between his career, being a golfer and pursuing the sport he loved, and being with Greg, then he would choose Greg every time. There was really no decision to be made there.

He could find a career any time. There were any number of other things he would be interested in doing with his life, as long as he could still find time to golf. It didn't have to be the center of his life, as it had been for these past years, since he was a teenager.

Yes, he loved golfing, but he loved Greg more. There was no way that he could turn his back on the man he loved, on their growing relationship. There was no contest between the two; if it came down to that, Greg would always win. Danny knew where his heart belonged.

He really didn't want to spend nights in hotel rooms, talking to Greg on the phone, or skyping with him on their computers. That seemed like a boring, empty life, even though he knew that it would be exciting to compete in the tournament.

Everyone there would expect him to perform, though, to live up to some sort of expectations. And there would be people who felt as though he had let them down if he didn't win, or at least make a certain amount of money. That was a terrible pressure.

It was one of the things that he disliked about his chosen career, even though he loved golfing. He hated the feeling that he had to constantly perform, to live up to expectations, to feel as though he was some soft of machine, some money-making automation.

None of that was true when he was with Greg. His boyfriend didn't see him as Danny Nagano, professional golfer. Greg just saw him as his boyfriend, the man he loved, the man he wanted to be with. He could be himself with Greg, without fear of reprisals.

No one else understood him the way that Greg did. And most important of all, not one else loved him in the way that Greg did. To everyone else, even to what was left of his family, he was nothing more than a performing monkey.

Everyone else wanted him for what they could get out of him, what he could do for them. Greg wanted him for himself, and nothing more. That was why Greg would always be his first choice, his priority. Greg was the most important person in his life, and always would be.

But he still felt that he had to let his boyfriend know about this offer, had to let Greg help him make his decision. If he made it alone, then he would feel guilty for not telling Greg about it until after the fact. The man who was his other half had the right to know about this.

And maybe, just maybe, a little bit of him wanted to let Greg know that he was choosing their relationship over his career, that he was putting them first. He wanted Greg to know that his career meant little to him if the two of them couldn't be together.

The thought made Danny sit down on the couch slowly, feeling more than a little annoyed with himself. He didn't want to stay with Greg and not take part in the tournament for such a selfish reason, did he? This was about more than making himself look good in his boyfriend's eyes.

But yes, if he was perfectly honest with himself, that was a part of it. He wanted Greg to be grateful that he had chosen their relationship over advancing his career. That made him feel ashamed of himself, but it was the truth, even if it was an unappealing fact.

He didn't want to think of himself as being that selfish. Of course his main reason for not wanting to go on the tournament circuit was to be with Greg. So maybe talking to his boyfriend about his decision wasn't a good idea. Maybe he should just keep it to himself.

Yes, that would be best. This wasn't something that concerned Greg; it wasn't something he needed to know about. He didn't need to know that Danny had ever been offered this chance. It would be easy enough to throw that letter away again, for good this time.

He hadn't said yes or no definitively yet; he still had a couple of weeks. He had planned to talk with Greg about it, discuss their options -- and then still say no. But this only solidified his certainty that a definite no would be his final answer.

He didn't want to go out on the road and feel as though he had to perform. He wanted to stay here in Vegas, to be with the man he loved, to have Greg come home to him every day and to enjoy the pleasure of his company. He didn't want to lose that, not for a single day.

Being away from Greg would kill something inside him, make him feel like a shadow of the person he usually was. He didn't want to feel like that; he'd spent far too much of his life living in shadows, feeling that he would never be complete.

He wasn't going to give up that feeling just so he could perform for people who didn't care about him. If that meant that he would have to give up professional golfing, then he could do that. Being with Greg would make giving up that career worthwhile.

Or would it? Danny sighed, running a hand through his hair. This wasn't an easy decision to make, but it was one that he had to come to terms with. Maybe he should talk to Greg about it after all, to get his boyfriend's input on what his choices were.

Getting to his feet, he headed for the kitchen, his mind made up. Maybe he wouldn't talk to Greg about this tonight. It just didn't feel like the right time. But they would talk, and after they had, he would make some important decisions about what to do in the future.

***