Title: Inspired By A Song
Author: CarebearStare18
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: G
Summary: Three song inspired drabbles, that start of mildly angsty but get progressivly happier.

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Always The Last To Know

*The bold are the song titles, and the italic section is a mini memory/flashback. Nick's POV.

So you're in love with someone else, someone who burns within your soul.
And it looks like I am the last to know.
I hear you've never felt so alive, so much desire beyond control.
And as usual I am the last to know.

It's been five years, but it still feels like yesterday. That first time you looked at me with those deep brown eyes of yours, and your face lit up in a smile. And I knew, right then I just knew, that you could be everything I ever needed. I wish I could go back to those days, those happy beginning days, and see that look on your face again, knowing that it was all for me.

Everything was simpler back then, life a playground for us both to explore. The sun shone brightly and the sky had never seemed so blue, and the days stretched before us. I always wondered on how easy it was to love you, questioning every power responsible for bringing you into my life. I wished it could last forever but knew in my heart that it couldn't be so.

I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to love you either. I realised early on that you were too good for me and I waited for you to see it too, but you never did. I remember getting angry with you, calling you stupid and pushing you away when you tried to hug me. I didn't know how to look at you when you started to cry so I turned away, wiping my own tears off my face with the back of my hand.

The last to know how you're feeling, the last to know where you are, the last to know if you're happy now.
Or if he's treating you like I treated you, or if he's cruel.
I'll be the last to know.

Being around you every day, I buried my feelings and acted like I didn't care. But not you. I saw your emotions on your face every time I looked at you, felt the pain in your heart at every word. I felt your eyes on me whenever we were alone and I knew, in those quiet times when living in the world seemed so very hard, that if you had taken me in your arms I would never have been able to let go.

But now when our eyes meet I see you smile, your eyes gentle and warm sending shivers down my spine. But I don't want to share your smile. I don't want to look into your eyes and see forgiveness there for what I did.

And I know if I asked you'd tell me we're ok, but that's not what I want. I don't want to see that you're over it because I'll never be over you, and it kills me.

We spent summers up beyond the bay, and you said these were such perfect days.
That if the bomb drops baby, I wanna be the last to know.
But now you're living up behind the hill, and though we share the same city and feel the same sun.
When your winter comes, I'll be the last to know.

Now I'm staring out at the water, the setting sun on the horizon sending rippling orange fire over the surface of the lake. A breeze picks up and brushes at my hair and I frown, my eyes fixing themselves on the gently lapping waves kissing the shore.

After a while my gaze shifts and I find myself watching you once more. I don't know why I do it, but I know that I will never be able to stop. To seek you out has become my compulsion, to focus my attention on your presence and block out the world that invades my mind. If only for a moment, I find myself at peace.

Out on the sand you're laughing, head tipped back to the darkening sky. You lunge forward, missing your target by inches as the ball goes sailing past you and into the waves. You land heavily on your side, laughing and crying, holding a hand out to be taken. The others help you up and pat you on the back as you wipe your eyes and giggle. I wish you would look over at me but I think you've forgotten I'm even there.

The last to know how you're feeling, the last to know where you are.
The last to know if you're happy now, or if he's pleaded with you.
Like I pleaded with you if you go, don't let me be the last to know.

"Do you believe in fate?"
"Believe in what?"
"Fate."

I shrug and stroke up your arm, liking the way the soft breeze moulds your shirt to your chest. Below us the sea tumbles to the shore, reaching up the sand to tickle our toes. A little way off a ballgame is being played by a group of teenagers, who are shouting and howling with laughter. You glance in their direction even as I pull you back.

"Do you believe in it?"
"Ask me later" You say, leaning in for a kiss.

Creation's gone crazy.
The TV's gone mad.
Now you're the only sane thing that I've had.

I hate it when people mention your name, or ask another how you are. But most of all I hate that I can never stay to hear to the answer. I wish you could tell me about your life, bore me with details of your day. I would listen for a lifetime. But it's not my job anymore, and I remind myself this every day; It's not my place.

But sometimes I see that you're unhappy, and I long to know why.

Always the last to know how you're feeling, the last to know where you are.
The last to know if you're happy now.
Or if he's cheated on you.
Like I cheated on you.
You were the last to know

And all I wanted for you was everything, but I knew from the moment I first looked into your eyes that everything was too much for me to give.

And I don't want your forgiveness, and I don't want your friendship. I don't want you to look at me with that glint in your eye that makes me have faith in a better world.

I just want you to know that I'm sorry. You were heaven to me and I loved you more than I though was possible. You showed me a world I should never have seen, gave me hope that opened up my heart even when I tore yours apart.

And I know I should have told you the truth
But I'm telling it now

You were the last to know.

END

***

Drive

Who's gonna tell you when,
It's too late,
Who's gonna tell you things,
Aren't so great.

The road before me is dark, and we're alone as we wind through the silent woods. The sky above me is as black as coal, and stars that I've never seen before twinkle their magic above us. I feel tired but happy, flexing my fingers on the warm steering wheel, the purr of the engine and the gentle lull of your breathing the only things I can hear.

You cant go on, thinkin',
Nothings' wrong, goodbye,
Who's gonna drive you home,
tonight?

I glance at you sideways, my eyes raking over you before focusing back on the road. You're slumped against the window, your arms folded across your chest and your eyes gently closed. In the darkness, with the light from the moon shining across your face, you look beautiful. And I know when you're awake you never shut up, and sometimes you drive me so crazy. But a part of me wishes you would wake up now just so I could see you smile.

Who's gonna pick you up,
When You fall?
Who's gonna hang it up,
When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention,
To your dreams?
And who's gonna plug their ears,
When you scream?

I know things haven't been easy for you lately. Sometimes you joke around so much people forget that life is hard for you too. And every time I see you struggling to laugh I want to reach out and touch you, let you cling to me as I whisper softly in your ear. I often wonder if you would ever let me try.

You can't go on, thinkin'
Nothings wrong,
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

You frown in your sleep and I look over at you again. Your face creases and you mutter something I can't catch, lost in the nightmare raging inside your head. I take one hand off the wheel and place it softly on your arm, smiling to myself as I feel your body relax. You sigh and I stroke your skin with my thumb.

Who's gonna hold you down,
When you shake?
Who's gonna come around,
When you break?

Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

We're passing houses now and I begin to slow, taking my hand away from you in order to change gears. The car shifts down gently and I sit further back into the seat, contentment spreading through me like a warm liquid. Buildings and lights and other cars slide by the window and I flick on the indicator, signalling to the right. As I turn the corner I look over at you to check that the clicking has not disturbed you. It hasn't. I look back at the road, turning to pull into a space outside a large apartment building.

Killing the engine I sit for a moment and gaze out of the window at the bustling city, the multicoloured haze of The Strip glowing in the distance, filling up the sky and blotting out the vibrant stars above. I shake my head and turn to the seat beside me

Once again I let my eyes linger on you, burning the image of you into my brain so that I'll never forget this moment. Then I touch you on the shoulder, shaking you gently. I watch you slowly open your eyes and gaze up at me before I allow myself to speak.

"Greg wake up..." I whisper, "...We're home."

***

Under The Boardwalk

*Italics are the voices of the other CSI's.

When the sun beats down.
And burns the tar up on the roof.
And your shoes get so hot.
You wish your tired feet were fireproof.

"Where the hell have they got to?"

We stifle laughter and I clamp a hand over my mouth, trying my hardest not to make a noise. Next to me you hold your face in your hands as tears of mirth stream down your face and I have to turn away, fearing dire consequences if our eyes were to meet. Above us we can hear agitated chattering and the irritated sounds of confusion as our friends stomp back and forth over our hiding place. Gritty sand rains down on us from above.

Under the boardwalk.
Down by the sea.
On a blanket with my baby.
Is where I'll be.

"I swear I'm going to kill them both."

You grab my shoulder, a little painfully, and pull me close, whispering things in my ear that make me start to laugh all over again. The sounds of the waves drill at my ears and the sickly sweet smell of candy and fast food wafts over us on the breeze.

From the park you'll hear.
The happy sound of a carousel.
You can almost taste the hot dogs.
And french fries they sell.

"They were around here a second ago, I swear."

At some point during our laughter we lean towards each other and our lips meet, kissing softly, searching in the darkness. Gentle tongues seek and explore and hands come up to caress, tenderly giving in to the temptation to touch. I moan quietly as you run your hands through my hair, pulling me as close to you as I can get.

Under the boardwalk.
Down by the sea.

"That's it, I give up."

We hear the others storm off but I barely take notice. I'm transfixed, consumed by you and unable to break away, feeling the cold, warm sand shifting under me as you lay me down. You pull away and I stare into your eyes, wondering how I could ever have waited so long for a moment like this.

On a blanket with my baby
Is where I'll be

END

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