Title: Life
Author: eowyn_evenstar
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sara/Catherine
Spoilers: Crash And Burn
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just borrowing them.
Challenge: None.
Word Count: 4085 (I just started writing and I couldn't stop. Several hours later, this emerged.)
Author's Note: I'm new to the community but have been lurking for several weeks. This is my first Cath/Sara fic, so I can't promise it's any good. Feedback is much appreciated.

***

It starts out innocently enough. The day you run into Hank at the police station, the day things end between the two of you. You can't honestly say you're disappointed. Angry with yourself, maybe, for not realizing sooner that you were being played, all of the signs had been there since the beginning - he never let you stay over at his house; it was always yours or a hotel. You couldn't call him, he had to call you, and he would disappear for days at a time without letting you know where he was going. But you don't really miss him, it's more of a relief to have the relationship over with. If you had cared, you could have made his life miserable by telling Elaine the truth about your relationship, but really, it wasn't worth the effort and you knew it. But the same day that you and Hank end, she asks you if you want to go out and get a beer with her. It isn't a date by a long shot, just a friendly offer from a co-worker to hang out after work on one of your few nights off, and you agree, if only to save you from going home and spending the night alone in front of the tv, as you'd spent every night off work before you met Hank.

She brings you to a small bar, almost empty on a Monday evening. She doesn't know how easy it is to get you drunk, and you're too indifferent to care, so as usual, after a few beers you've become giggly and extroverted. It's only Catherine, so you don't bother worrying about censoring yourself. She'd worked the club scene, and put up with Grissom for years, so you're sure she's seen screw balls far worse than you.

"I don't know why I even bother with men." You giggle, sitting in the nearly empty bar picking at the bowl of corn nuts. "They're all sexist bastards who have the emotional capacity of a refrigerator." That makes Catherine laugh, something you almost never accomplish. So you ramble on. "Honestly, all the women I've fucked have been decent. Sure, they've each broken my heart, but at least they were considerate about it." You throw a corn nut at the back of the bar, managing to get it into one of the clean glasses. The bartender throws you a dirty look. Catherine studies you carefully for a minute before responding. She's the first person you've admitted you were anything but straight to since you moved to Las Vegas, and in spite of your intoxication, she realizes it.

"How many?" she asks. "Women I mean. How many women have you fucked?"

"More than men." you laugh, even though there's nothing funny about what you're saying. You've always been more on the gay side of the bi spectrum. "It's really only recently I've discovered men, and how useless they are. I should have just stuck to women." Neither one of you say anything for a while. "What about you, Catherine? How many women have you slept with?" you ask sarcastically.

"My fair share." she replies. It takes you a minute to realize she's not kidding, and surprise registers on your face. "I dated mostly women until I met Eddie, then about 50 - 50 since then. Everyone assumes that because I was married and I'm a mom that I'm your typical 100% straight all American woman."

"Except you were a stripper." You add, smirking. "I'm sure that proves to be an interesting topic of conversation when you meet Lindsey's friend's moms." She shrugs, and you change the subject.

She drives you home later in the evening, after you've both sobered up. You part with a casual "See you at work tomorrow," and she drives off, leaving you with a monster headache, and a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If people thought things were strained at work between the two of you before, they were in for a big surprise. Things have gone from barely pleasant, almost hostile, to a nervous kind of tension, as if you're both waiting for someone to make a move. Its unresolved sexual tension at its highest and you hope no one will notice. But everyone notices the difference in your attitude towards each other, and although they can't put their finger on what's changed, they know something has. Especially Grissom. He calls you into his office a few weeks after your girl's night out.

"Sara," he says. "What's going on between you and Catherine?"

"Nothing," you reply. You don't mention the butterflies you have in your stomach every time she walks into the room, or how much you want to kiss her.

"Liar." he says. "I don't have time to deal with this right now. We're swamped and I need you two to be able to work together without whatever's standing in the way. You two are my best CSIs, and I need to be able to count on you. Fix whatever it is, and do it fast." You nod curtly and leave his office, your stomach jumping as you pass Catherine on the way out. You don't know how you're going to fix this. A few months ago, you would have jumped at the opportunity to please Grissom, and would have glowed at the compliment from your boss. But you've come to realize that you were never interested in being involved with Gil, you wanted the job of working at his side. But from the moment you came to Las Vegas, you've been enamored with the beautiful blond who works with you every day, but since you were afraid to admit it to yourself, you projected the feelings you had for her onto someone else; Grissom.

At the end of your shift, Catherine seeks you out. It's the first real conversation you've had since that night.

"Hey," she says, sitting down on the bench as you're at your locker. "Did Grissom get to you too?"

"Yeah." you reply stupidly. "He wants us to do something." She nods.

"I have to go and take Lindsey to school, but do you want to meet me for breakfast afterwards? I think we need to talk." You nod.

"Sure, where?" Neither one of you can come up with any ideas.

"Why don't you meet me at my apartment." You offer, as you're not coming up with any better suggestions. She agrees.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You haven't been home five minutes when you realize you have a problem. You don't have any food. You've really only been using your apartment as a place to sleep since before you broke up with Hank. When you were still seeing each other, you'd go out for lunch almost every day, and dinner and breakfast you'd eat in the home-style café near the lab. You haven't had a meal at home in months, it's just been too difficult to eat alone. The grand sum of the contents of your cupboards are the three cans of alphagetti you bought when your niece came to stay with you six months ago, a box of very stale cereal, and a box of fondue you got from Greg at the Secret Santa party at work last Christmas. You decide on the alphagetti, since it won't be stale, and hope that Catherine won't mind such an odd breakfast.

She laughs when she arrives and sees the noodles in the saucepan on the stove.
"I'm always harping on Lindsey to eat a proper breakfast." She explains, taking off her coat. "Trying to develop good eating habits now so she won't be doing this at thirty." But Catherine doesn't mind the impromptu breakfast, and you sit down to enjoy a tomato-y breakfast, nervously discussing the weather, current cases, and even the office gossip that you usually avoid like the plague, anything to avoid the subject you're both here to talk about.

After breakfast, you invite her into your living room, and look at her expectantly. She just stares back.

"What's going on here?" you ask. She shrugs. For two intelligent scientists, you're behaving like teenagers.

"And what do you want to do about it?" She asks, cracking an uneasy smile. It's your turn to shrug. "Good." she replies, standing up. "It's settled, and we can tell Grissom that everything's fine." There's a brief pause. "I should go." She turns to leave, and you somehow manage to unglue yourself from the couch.

"Catherine ..." she turns back around. You find anything to say, the words just stick in your throat. You don't even know what you want to ask her. "Listen, I ..." in a second, you're standing next to her. The moment is electric, and it's been an incredibly long time since you've felt this way about anyone. You stare into her blue eyes, but before you get a chance to move, her lips are on yours. You close your eyes as she pushes her tongue between your lips to meet your tongue.

"Did that just happen?" you ask breathlessly, after you break apart. Catherine's eyes are sparkling, but she doesn't smile. For secure, confident Catherine, she looks incredibly scared. You smirk, then pull her into another kiss, longer and surer than the first.
"Just checking." you say. She stares at you for a minute before speaking.

"Sara, it scares me how much I feel for you. That's why I've been avoiding you for the last couple of weeks. It was different when I thought I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell with you, but ..."

"I know." you reply, pulling her back down onto the couch, and taking her hands. Now that the physical barrier's been broken, this feels like the most natural thing in the world. You laugh warily. "I've been feeling the exact same way."

"So what are we going to do?" Catherine asks. You shrug.

"What do you want to do?" You reply with an equally vague question. Catherine starts to smirk.

"Grissom did tell us to deal with this ..." she smiles. Then she leans over to kiss you again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In spite of the rocky, nerve-wracking beginning to your relationship, you and Catherine manage to get into a routine fairly quickly. On nights you're both working, she runs home to take Lindsey to school, then the two of you meet either at her house or your apartment and make love before falling asleep together in time for Cath to get up to pick Lindsey up at 4 from school and spend some time with her before work. You try and schedule your nights off together so that you can go to the movies or out to dinner, sometimes just the two of you, sometimes with Lindsey too. You've become a member of the family, as a close friend of Cath's, since she's already on unstable ground with her daughter and doesn't want to tell her about your relationship, yet. Nights when you're working and Cath is not, are the most special, because after pining for her all night, she's at your apartment when you get home, having made a special breakfast.

The months pass quickly, and the entire office has been turned upside down by the sudden change in both you and Cath. At first it pleased Grissom to no end to see his conversation affected the way you worked together, but eventually, he too realized that something else had changed. Cath is always smiling, and you've transformed from a sarcastic, career-obsessed bitch to someone who can't wait to leave the building to get home to the one you love. And it is love, oh is it ever. You both know it.

"So who wants to jump on the betting wagon?" Greg asks one day when you and Cath are away at a crime scene.

"For what?" Nick asks. Grissom looks up from his file, semi interested.

"I'd say that both Sara and Catherine are in love." He replies. Nick laughs.

"It'll be a cold day in hell when Sara Sidle falls in love." David says on his way by the door.

"They both do seem different." Nick says thoughtfully, ignoring the coroner's comment. "But why would they be so secretive about it if they are seeing people? Sara I understand, but Catherine's always shared every gory detail of her love life with us, and all of a sudden she's stopped.

"Precisely." Greg crows. Now who wants to bet that they're married to their respective men by the end of the year?"

"I'm in." Nick agrees.

"Count me out." Warrick replies. He's noticed things the others haven't. Like the affectionate way Catherine squeezes your arm as she walks by, or the way you whisper in her ear and you both laugh. He knows there's something more there, he just isn't sure what as of yet.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few weeks later, Lindsey's sullen and withdrawn when she comes home from school.

"What are you doing here again?" she demands, glaring at you as she walks in the door after spending time with a friend after school. Cath's cooking dinner for the three of you tonight, and you're sitting at the table going over some files before work. Catherine throws you a concerned glance. You know what it means. She thinks you've waited too long to tell Linds, and she's figured something out.

"Lindsey, apologize to Sara right now." Catherine says, her voice hardening. "You love having Sara around. Just yesterday you were asking me if she could come to your birthday party."

"Sorry Sara." Lindsey mumbles.

"Hey, it's okay." You reply easily, letting it slide off. You're equally worried. "What's up?"

"Nothing." She squirms a little, then runs off to her room. Catherine makes a motion to follow her, but you stand and shake your head. It's been eight months since you started dating, and Cath has started to allow you to share some parenting responsibilities with her.

"Let me talk to her." You say, and Cath nods. She looks defeated. Keeping the most important relationship in your life a secret is taking a toll. "Are you willing to tell her about us?" you ask. She nods.

"Lindsey," you knock on the door of the girl's bedroom. "It's Sara, can I come in?" Getting no answer, you decide to take a chance. She's sitting in the corner of her bedroom floor, holding a photograph. "Hon, what's going on? You know you can talk to me." Without looking up, Lindsey begins to speak flatly.

"We had to do a presentation at school today. We had to pick our favourite picture and share why it's important to the class. I chose this one." She hands you the picture she's holding. It's of you, Cath and Linds when you went to the fair a few weeks ago. You're all smiling happily, the picture captured the perfect moment between the new family.

"Okay?" you reply, confused.

"I told everyone that it was my mom, me and my mom's best friend Sara and I loved the picture because it's the first time we've been really happy since my dad died. At lunch, one of the kids in my class came up to me and told me that I'm going to hell because my mom's a lesbian, and the lady in the picture is her girlfriend." You hesitate, before choosing your next words carefully.

"Would it bother you if I was your mom's girlfriend?" Linds doesn't take long to answer.

"No, I've known you are for a longtime now. I got dropped off early by my friend's mom one day, and I saw mom kissing you. It doesn't bother me, because she's had girlfriends before you, after she and dad got divorced, she doesn't know that I know, but I do. I'm mad at you because if you had told me the truth, I could have told Ricky that yeah, my mom's got a girlfriend, but so what, because you guys love me, and his parents don't love him, they love all the drugs they do. But I knew if I did that the teacher would find out and call home, and then you'd get mad at me for telling people because you don't want anyone to know about you guys dating and stuff yet." You sigh, partially with relief.

"Linds, I'm sorry we didn't tell you, we just didn't want you to know if it wasn't going to work out between us. And we didn't know how you'd react to your mom having a girlfriend. You are being so mature about this."

"Because my mom dates women, do I have to too?"

"No, of course not. When you get a bit older, you'll find out if you like guys, girls, or both, and then you'll know who you want to date. No matter which it is, it's normal and okay." You reassure her.

"Are you guys going to stay together forever?"

"We want to try." Cath says from outside the door. Lindsey lifts her tear stained face to her mother, and Catherine comes into the room and hugs her daughter. Lindsey reaches out and pulls you into the hug too, and you feel more loved and at home than you have in your entire life. A few minutes later, Lindsey runs off, leaving the two of you alone.

"Good job, Mom." Catherine whispers, leaning in for a kiss. "You're a natural." You cup her chin with your right hand, and reach out to hug her with your left arm. Suddenly, Lindsey is clearing her throat in the doorway.

"Two things." she says. "One, I want you to be happy. Mom and I have been through so much that we all deserve to be happy, and you make us happy. Two, just because I'm okay with you guys dating and everything doesn't mean you can kiss and stuff in front of me," she makes a face. "Eww!" Cath blushes the beautiful shade of red that you love to see, and you blush too. As she leaves, you speak, your voice filled with awe.

"She's growing up so fast. One moment, I would've guessed she was no more than eight, but just then she sounded fourteen or fifteen." Cath's eyes fill with tears.

"Welcome to life of a parent of a pre-teen."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So when are you moving in?" Lindsey asks at dinner a couple of days after the revelation, wolfing down the macaroni Cath made. You glance at Cath, an eyebrow raised. You both know this is either Lindsey's way of provoking an argument, or simply being curious. It's hard to tell with her.

"What do you mean?" you ask stupidly.

"When people are in love they get married." Linds explains simply. "But since you guys can't get married, aren't you at least going to move in?"

"We haven't really talked about it." You reply, not really sure what else to say. It's the truth anyway.

"You are in love, aren't you?" Lindsey pushes, skeptically.

"Yes ..."

"Would you like to move in?" Cath breaks into the conversation.

"I - don't know." You know perfectly well that you'd love to move in, but you don't want to force the issue.

"I think you should." Lindsey adds.

"Is it too soon?" you ask stupidly. "I don't want to move in if you're not ready."

"May I be excused?" Linds asks, gulping down her glass of milk.

"Just wait a second." Cath answers. "There's something I want you to see." She gets down on the floor, on both knees. "I'm too old for this." she jokes. She takes a deep breath. "Sara Sidle, I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I want you to move in with us and be a part of our family forever." You laugh, then start to cry. "And if you say no, I'm going to have to beg, which is why I'm on two knees instead of one." You nod gratefully, and she leans up to kiss you, with a newfound passion.

"Gross!" Lindsey yells, running from the table and slamming the door of her room, but you and Cath both know she's pleased.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Since you moved in, it's been much easier to be open in public. But work is another matter entirely, and although you're not trying to hide, it's difficult to announce to the people you work with every day who've gone through five years of thinking you're straight and hate each other, that you're bisexual and in love. You're both just waiting for Nick, or Greg, or God forbid, Grissom to run into the three of you out for breakfast one morning, and Lindsey to say "And I'm sure you know my mom's girlfriend Sara," as she's taken to broadcasting recently. It's probably an attempt to provoke you, to see how far you can be pushed, but you're both far too happy to care.

But they don't find out that way, it happens by accident. You find Catherine crying in the locker room at the end of your shift one morning, after having to run an investigation on the suicide of a twelve year old girl who bore a striking resemblance to Lindsey, and killed herself because she found out she was pregnant.

"Hey babe," you come up behind her and give her a gentle hug, kissing her hair. "It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay."

"What if Linds ends up like that girl?" Cath sobs. "I had to tell her mother that we found out from the autopsy that her twelve year old daughter was pregnant. Kids grow up too fast these days, and I'm not around nearly enough to keep an eye on Lindsey. She thinks she's invincible, and I'm not around to tell her she's not."

"Lindsey is not going to end up like that." you comfort her. "She's too smart, and you've taught her too well. She has you, and she has me, and between the two of us, we're around enough to make sure she's okay. I love you, and I love Lindsey like she's my daughter, and we're going to be okay." you sit next to her on the bench and lean over to kiss the side of her neck. She lays her head on you shoulder, and you stroke her hair. You stay like that for a long time.

Eventually, she stops crying, and looks up at you, a wry smile on her face.
"What would I do without you?" she asks, and she leans up to kiss you. It's a soft kiss, no more than a brush of her lips across yours, almost as if she's making sure they're still there. But at that exact second, Nick, Warrick and Grissom walk into the room. No one quite knows what to say, and it's dead silent until Nick finally speaks.

"So then who won the bet?" he asks apprehensively, causing Grissom to raises his eyebrows and Warrick to shake his head. Everyone laughs, and you know that everything really is going to be okay.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It's one of those perfect mornings when no one has anywhere to go. Being the weekend, Lindsey doesn't have to go to school, and you and Cath have a week off starting today. It doesn't matter how late you were up making love, you're awake anyway, drinking in the way the room looks when the early morning sunlight spills across the quilt through the curtains, reflecting off of Cath's hair to look like a halo. For the first time in years, since you were a child probably, you feel totally and completely at peace. Love does that.

***