Title: Lucky
Author: Emily
Rating: PG-13, probably.
Summary: "At first you are a part of it, just another CSI working in just another crime lab."

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At first you are a part of it, just another CSI working in just another crime lab. You are lucky to have this job, you tell yourself, lucky to be a part of such a distinguished organization. You tell yourself that you are lucky in a lot of ways. Lucky to have Lindsey, lucky to have gotten past dancing, drugs, and Eddie, lucky to have a job that pays well and that you don't happen to hate.

You tell yourself a lot of things

Then the job becomes more than a job, it gets under your skin, in your blood, haunting you at night, It gets so that your job is all you think about – half-listening to Lindsey as you drive her to school, a stab of guilt attacking you when you realize you weren't listening and can't answer the question she just asked you. All the while thinking about work.

You almost think you've become like Sara, or even Grissom, addicted to the job. Not Grissom though, because you doubt he was anyone before his bugs. And Sara…well, not all of your thoughts about work are about cases.

You don't know when she started to fascinate you, or even when you stopped disliking her. Maybe it was when you realized she was everything you weren't, as a child at least. She had to have been the studious quiet one, the 'geek'. Parents love that.

But you, well you were 'rebellious', running away to the big city, always the beautiful girl. Your parents never told you what they thought of that, only that you were beautiful and to 'come on home, honey'.

You want to be her, to take her perfection and make it your own, although at this point you don't know if that means taking her and sucking her perfection out of her, or just taking her. Of course, at this point, you also don't know that she isn't perfect.

Maybe you realized you wanted her when you couldn't have her, when she matched you, stare for stare, two wildcats locked in a circle. Or perhaps it was when she made it obvious that she was in love with Grissom. You've always wanted what you cant have, this might be no different.

Privately, you think you fell in love with her the moment you saw her and, not knowing what was happening, kept falling until there was no where to go. She was looking for you, that first time, unaware that she was looking at you, giving you your only chance to look at her, unabashedly. It was all down-(the love)-hill from there.

So maybe it isn't work you're addicted to, maybe it's Sara.

***