Title: Making Up
Author: Kacey
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: established Eric/Ryan, implied Eric/Boa Vista
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Just borrowing them for fun.
Summary: Eric has to decide what he wants after the evidence locker incident.
Warnings: AU. Written after Silencer, so spoilers if you haven't seen that episode yet. After seeing Ryan's face when he saw Eric and Boa Vista, I couldn't help myself. Also, Boa Vista, I don't like her much, so she doesn't have much of a role. And I don't know anything about Miami geography. Nor do I really know much about Eric's family, so most anything mentioned will be made up for the purposes of the story. Also, we're going to pretend that the nail in the eye thing didn't happen. And this didn't turn out like I thought it would. It turned out to be a bit more angsty than I thought it would. When I first started writing, all it was going to be was a PWP, but the plot snuck in somehow, somewhere, and the smut didn't.

***

Eric parked his vehicle beside Ryan's in the parking lot and got out, shutting the door. Sighing heavily, he looked at his watch and cursed silently when he saw that it was two a.m. Ryan had given him quite the runaround tonight, trying to get away from him. Pulling out the key card that Ryan had given him, he walked into the lobby of Ryan's building and decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Jogging up the stairs, he quickly made it to the top floor and exited the stairwell. Stalking down the hallway, he stopped in front of door 1025. Finding Ryan's key on his chain, he quietly unlocked the door and stepped in, relocking it. Leaving his keys and jacket on the table by the door and shoes on the mat under the table, Eric noiselessly walked down the hallway to Ryan's bedroom.

Raising his brow slightly in surprise at the fact that the door wasn't completely shut, as Ryan always made sure the door was completely shut, Eric figured that the little scene with Boa Vista must have shaken and hurt him more than he would admit, if he was forgetting to close the door. Grimacing slightly, Eric pushed the door open and stepped into the room, his eyes immediately landing on Ryan, who was sleeping with his back to the door, curled in upon himself. Walking around to the other side of the bed, Eric looked down upon the sleeping features of his lover, noticing the dried tear streaks on his face. Wincing at the thought of how much he must have hurt Ryan to make him cry, he leaned back against the wall and tried to figure out how to fix his mistake.

They had been sleeping together for almost a year and a half, since the second week after Ryan had transferred to the lab. The first time had been nothing more than comfort that had turned into something else, as they had both needed something to hold onto after solving a horrible case. All of the team had gone out after the case, and it had become obvious that Ryan couldn't hold his alcohol very well after Calleigh challenged him to do shots with her. He had tried to get out of it, but they had all talked him into it. And realized their error about an hour later when he almost passed out on them. Horatio volunteered to take Ryan home, but Eric said that he would since he knew where Ryan lived and it was on his way home. Since he'd only had one drink, Eric drove Ryan home and ended up staying the night.

That one night had ended up turning into once a week to eventually one of them staying at the other's apartment every night that they could. Thinking back, the only reason he'd even gone after Boa Vista had been because Ryan had spent about a week and a half with his uncle, only seeing and talking to him at the lab. He had been lonely and pissed off and she was hot, not that that was any excuse. He'd hurt his lover, unintentionally, but he only had himself to blame.

Sighing heavily, Eric quickly stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed behind Ryan, turning Ryan around and into his arms. Ryan started but settled down quickly, subconsciously recognizing his lover, his body instinctively molding to Eric's. He simply laid there holding Ryan until he felt his lover waking up.

Ryan shifted and then went stock still when he felt the arms around him. He tried to pull away, but Eric tightened his grip. Sighing in resignation, Ryan quietly asked, pain in every word, "What are you doing here, Eric?"

"I came to talk to you," he softly responded. "You gave me quite the runaround earlier."

"I was just running a few errands," Ryan defensively said. "Besides, I figured you'd be off getting into Boa Vista's pants, again."

"I deserved that," Eric heavily stated. "But Ryan, she was...just...I don't really know. In the scheme of things, she means nothing. Not like you do."

Shaking his head, Ryan lifted his head, and staring Eric straight in the eyes, seriously inquired, "Eric, if I mean so much to you, why do you seek out other people? You need to think about that. I can't...I can't do this anymore. You can't commit to one person. And I can't continue to let you do this. It's killing me. You need to make up your mind about what you want, Eric. When you know, let me know. Then we can do whatever with this. No matter what you decide, Eric, I'd like to be your friend. But, if you want to continue our relationship or whatever you want to call it, you'll have to commit to me, Eric. Otherwise, all we can be is friends or coworkers, whatever."

Nodding his head in agreement, Eric said, "All right, but for now, can we just sleep?"

Biting into his lower lip uncertainly, Ryan searched Eric's eyes for something and finally nodded his acquiescence. Giving a mental prayer of thanks, Eric pulled Ryan down onto his chest and just held him until they both fell asleep.

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Ryan got up later that morning before his alarm went off. Hitting the off button so that it wouldn't wake Eric up, he wriggled his way out of Eric's hold on him and went into the bathroom. Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he muttered, "I'm so stupid," to himself before brushing his teeth and shaving. He then showered and went back into his bedroom to get ready for the day. His heart contracted painfully at the empty bed, but he wasn't really surprised. Eric always left like that, no note, no goodbye, nothing, just an empty space where he had been.

Quickly getting dressed, he had some toast and orange juice. Stopping at the table next to the door, he swiped up his wallet, phone and keys before locking his door and leaving for the day. The drive to work was as uneventful as always. He quietly walked through the main hallway, greeting everyone who said something to him, but not as heartfelt as he usually did. Staying silent through their little meeting as Horatio handed out assignments, he mentally sighed in distress before he left to go to the scene with Eric.

Alexx and Calleigh watched him walk off, concerned expressions on their faces, but they each had their own work to do. They'd talk to him later.

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Eric drove to the scene, stealing glances at Ryan every few minutes. He was being uncharacteristically quiet. At work, he never let anything get in his way, not even their relationship. Absorbing some of Ryan's pensiveness, Eric knew that if he wanted to keep his lover, he'd have to figure out what he wanted and soon. Otherwise, Ryan would put up that cold wall he had at times. If Ryan did that, he'd never be able to get through it again. They'd only ever be colleagues. He knew he couldn't live with that, but could he live with being just friends?

Finally pulling up to the scene, they both got out of the Hummer and grabbed their kits from the back seat. After processing the scene and helping the paramedics with the body, they went back to the lab to process their evidence. That evening at about ten, they had arrested the murderer and were packing it up for the evening. Ryan left before Eric could stop him and before Alexx or Calleigh could get their hands on him. Boa Vista walked in right after Ryan left and asked Eric if he wanted to have dinner at her place.

Sighing heavily, Eric said, "Natalia, you're great. Gorgeous, funny and great to hang out with, but there's something I didn't tell you."

"Oh," she said, ice cold amusement in her voice. "Would that be the fact that you're fucking Ryan?"

Alexx and Calleigh walked in right as she said that. Turning identical expressions of surprise on Eric, Calleigh demanded, "Eric, is that true?"

Shifting uncomfortably, Eric ground out, "Not really."

"Oh, really," Natalia continued. "So, it wasn't you that I saw leaving his apartment building this morning before seven?"

"No, that was me," Eric readily admitted.

"And yet, you're trying to tell us now that you're not fucking him?" she inquired coldly.

Turning icy eyes on her, Eric stated frigidly, "No, that was what I was doing with you, fucking. I admit that I'm sleeping with Ryan. I have been for a while, not that it's any of your business. Him, I care about. You, not so much."

Nodding her head, she then questioned, "So does that mean that you'd rather be with him than with me?"

Eric simply looked at her before saying, "I don't want to be with you, but the rest I don't know about."

Simply looking at Eric, she finally said, "Maybe you should find out before you hurt him irrevocably," before walking away.

"Why do you care?" Eric demanded.

"Ryan is my friend," she replied, slipping out the door.

Alexx and Calleigh turned away from watching Boa Vista leave the locker room. Putting on her most determined face, Alexx demandingly inquired, "Eric? You've been sleeping with Ryan? And for a while?"

Looking over at his two coworkers, Eric sighed deeply at their expressions and said, "Not here. Let's do this somewhere else. Would you like to go to Georgio's?"

"All right, but Eric, you're going to tell us everything, or I'm going to hurt you," Calleigh snapped out.

Shaking his head in agreement, the three of them left the locker room, walking out to the employee parking lot, running into Horatio on their way out. He ended up going to the bar with them, not something Eric really wanted, but he couldn't stop him.

They got their drinks and sat down in a dark corner booth in the very back, where they wouldn't be disturbed. Alexx simply looked at Eric until he cautiously asked, "What do you want to know, Alexx?"

Grimly smiling, she quietly inquired, "Exactly how long have you been sleeping with Ryan?"

Horatio promptly choked on his beer. Waiting until he had stopped coughing, Eric reluctantly answered, "Almost a year and a half."

"Jesus," Calleigh whispered. "The two of you didn't leave any evidence to find. We had no clue."

"Yeah, I know, Cal. You weren't supposed to."

"How did this thing start?"

Shrugging helplessly, Eric responded, "It just kind of happened."

"Why did it continue to ‘kind of happen?'" Horatio asked curiously.

When Eric didn't respond, Alexx growled out, "Eric!"

He simply looked at her, face set stubbornly. "Look, Alexx, I never promised you I'd tell you everything. You just assumed I would. A lot of this is between Ryan and myself and none of your business. Just suffice it to say, that continue it did and that's all."

"Eric," Alexx carefully began, "that boy is my business. Anything and everything that happens in his life is my business, even if he doesn't think so. You've hurt him, a great deal. Start explaining, now."

Shaking his head, Eric roughly replied, "Don't take this the wrong way, but that's between him and me, Alexx. If he had wanted you to know, he would have told you. Until he tells you, it's none of your concern. For right now, let it go. We, I, have issues that need to be worked out. And I'm not going to share them with you. When I figure them out, Ryan will be the one I talk to about them, not you."

"Fine," came the angry response. "But you'd better hurry up and figure them out, Eric. Otherwise, you're not getting that chance to talk to him. I won't let you."

"Fair enough. And please don't mention that any of you know. Ryan will completely freak."

Finishing his drink, Eric left, stopping at the bar and paying their tab. Alexx, Calleigh and Horatio watched him go, each wondering how they had missed this development between their teammates. Sighing heavily, Horatio asked, "Alexx, can you keep your temper down while they figure this out?"

"I can, Horatio," she affirmed. "However, if Eric breaks my boy's heart, all bets are off."

"I had assumed as much," was the amused reply.

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Since Eric had a rare three day weekend, he spent almost all of Friday and the beginning of Saturday at his apartment, finishing up tasks that he'd been putting off for a while, running errands and thinking. Finally, he went to talk to his mother. She'd always been able to help him work out his problems in the past. Plus, she knew all of his secrets. Hopefully, she would help this time without hurting him too much.

Clorinda Delko opened the door to home, not expecting anyone. Her husband was gone, per usual. Opening the door, she saw her son and smiled brightly. "Baby!" she exclaimed, dragging him into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

Smiling wanly, Eric returned the hug and kissed her on the cheek. His mother led him into the living room where they sat down on the couch. Looking him over, she asked, "Baby, what's wrong?"

Turning to face her, curling in upon himself back against the end of the couch, Eric seriously said, "Momma, I need your help and advice. However, you have to promise not to hit me until after I'm done talking."

"Hit you? What have you done?"

"Just promise, Momma."

"All right, baby. I promise," she soothed. "Now, what's wrong?"

"And please don't interrupt."

Nodding her head in understanding, Clorinda waited for her youngest child to explain what was wrong to her. Looking him over while he tried to figure out how to begin, she noticed that he looked like he hadn't slept well in a few days. He also hadn't shaved in several days, which made him appear unkempt and haggard. Eric must really have screwed up somehow with something, she thought. He never looks like this when he visits me.

Finally, Eric just sighed heavily and dove right in. "I've been seeing someone, Momma, for about a year and a half. At first, it was just casual, and we both saw other people. Eventually, it became more...He stopped seeing other people. I didn't. We had a misunderstanding a while back and didn't speak to each other for a week and a half. I made the mistake of sleeping with someone that we both know. He didn't know about that until a couple of days ago. Ryan told me that I needed to decide what I wanted and either make a commitment to him or break it off...I know he's right, Momma, but I just can't seem to make the words come out. I can't just be friends or colleagues. It would kill me to see him everyday and never be able to touch him. I've hurt him a great deal. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure that I can live without him, Momma."

Shaking her head sadly, Clorinda intoned, "Oh, Eric, you've made a right mess of things."

"Don't I know it, Momma."

"First off, come here," she waved Eric over. When he was where she wanted him, she smacked him upside the head. "How could you do that to the poor boy? And Ryan, your coworker, Ryan? I bet Alexx will be pissed off at you once she finds out."

"She already knows, and boy is she ever."

"Not like you don't deserve it."

"I know."

They sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes, Eric having curled up on the end of the couch again, patiently waiting for his mother to help him, if she could. Clorinda finally sighed and looked her son in the eyes. "Baby, what I'm about to tell you...you can't tell anyone, especially your father. He wouldn't be too happy with me if he knew that I told you."

Waiting for her son's nod of agreement, Clorinda sighed deeply.

"When your father and I first met, he was a, what's the word, oh, yes, player. You're a lot like him in that respect, Eric. He never could commit to one woman, and you can't commit to one person. I was surprised when he asked me out because I wouldn't sleep with him, and he knew that. It must have been the challenge or something. Anyway, we got married eventually, but your father didn't stop playing the field. He didn't know that I knew, not until I told him that I was pregnant with Marisol. I gave him an ultimatum. Told him that if he couldn't stop screwing around on the side, then I'd leave him. So, he stopped. Your father is an honorable man, Eric, if a bit slow on the uptake at times. And again, you're a lot like that as well. Anyway, the point is, what you need to do is, since you can't seem to say the words, find a way to show your young man how you feel. Besides, I'm sure by now that he knows you aren't going to say them, even if he will. And when you make up, I'd like to meet this Ryan, as, I'm sure, would your sisters."

Smiling at her, Eric leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, wrapping his mother up in a big hug. "See, I knew you'd know how to help me. Thank you, Momma. I know exactly what to do now."

Letting her go, he left quickly, muttering to himself the whole time. Clorinda smiled to herself and wondered how long it would take her to talk her son and his lover into adopting.

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Ryan walked into the lab with Calleigh, listening to her ramble on about some new gun thing. Since guns weren't really his thing, he simply nodded and made agreeable sounds whenever she paused. They were just passing the receptionist when she called out, "Ryan, wait. These flowers just arrived for you."

Raising his brow in confusion, he walked over, Calleigh following him. The receptionist placed a vase of lilies, jasmine and white roses on the counter. Ryan looked at the arrangement and smiled, his eyes filled with wonder and tearing up a little. He remembered, Ryan thought. I didn't think he was really listening. I didn't think he ever really listened to me.

Calleigh noticed the expression on his face and smiled to herself. Now, if only Eric would talk to him. Then this whole mess could be cleaned up.

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Eric called and asked for a day of vacation on Monday from Horatio Sunday night. As the workload had been light and they didn't have any uncleared cases, Horatio agreed to let him have the day off. He had been working on his plan to show Ryan how he felt all weekend. And it would start this morning and hopefully end this evening.

He had already had Ryan's favorite flowers delivered to the lab, asking him to meet him at his apartment. He hoped he liked them. Now, all he had to do was wait and see if Ryan decided to show up. Cooking dinner had helped clear his mind, and he jumped when the doorbell rang at exactly seven o'clock. Ryan must not have had to work overtime tonight, Eric thought as he answered the door.

Ryan stood there, an uncertain expression on his face. He smiled slightly and asked after several minutes of Eric just staring at him, "Aren't you going to let me in, Eric?"

"Sorry," Eric said, moving to the side to let Ryan in. "Come on in."

They sat down at the table and ate together, making small talk about work and sports. When they were finished, Ryan went to help Eric clean up, but Eric told him to go sit in the living room. Several minutes later, Eric walked in with two glasses of wine. Handing one to Ryan, he sat down at the other end of the couch, facing Ryan. Ryan shot him a look of confusion, but he didn't say anything, simply sipped his wine, patiently waiting for Eric to tell him what he wanted to say.

Finally, Eric who had been sipping his wine also and watching Ryan, put his glass on the table in front of the couch and quietly said, "I have some things I want to say. I would appreciate it if you would listen and not interrupt. This is hard enough for me to say."

"All right, Eric," Ryan easily replied, placing his glass on the table as well, turning and curling up in his corner of the couch, facing Eric so that he could see his eyes and expressions. Eric may not have been the most articulate man, but his eyes and face gave him away every time.

Sighing, Eric met Ryan's eyes and began his rehearsed speech, watching the emotions play across his lover's face and in his expressive eyes. "I may not ever tell you or show you, Ryan, but I do love you. You told me to think, and I have. I know what I want...I won't be able to tell you this all of the time. I know you like the words, but I don't work that way. I hope you can live with that...What I want. I want you. In my life. In my bed. As my lover, life partner, domestic partner, whatever you want to call it...I tried to imagine a life without you. One with you as just my friend. I couldn't. I can't live with that...Shh," Eric said, when Ryan went to say something, "I'm still not finished...I know I've hurt you, a lot. I know I don't deserve you or what you've given me, but I need you in my life...After speaking with my mother, I found something that would...You know I can't always say the words, so I found something that would show what I feel, even when I can't say it...I'll be right back, okay?"

When Ryan nodded, Eric walked into his bedroom and came back carrying a black jeweler's box. Handing it to Ryan, he added, "I had this redone. My mother gave it to me a long time ago, to give to the one person I wanted to spend my life with."

Ryan's head snapped up at that. He stared at Eric, disbelief and hope written all over his face and in his eyes. "I mean that, with every fiber of my being," Eric whispered. "Now open it."

Very shakily, Ryan opened up the box, a small smile crossing his face at what he saw. Inside was a locket, attached to a chain. An old pewter locket in the shape of an anchor, on a sterling silver chain. It had been polished and the gems, emeralds, rubies and amethysts, in it had been reset and polished as well. Trying very hard not to cry, he looked up into Eric's eyes and responded to the question he saw there. "This won't always be enough, you know. Sometimes, you'll have to say the words because I need to hear them, Eric. I can't just wear this and know all of the time."

Smiling in relief, Eric gathered Ryan to him and whispered in his ear, "Yeah, I know."

After simply holding him for a while, Eric, who had situated them in one corner of the couch, Ryan in his arms, asked, "Does this mean that you'll spend your life with me?"

Ryan lifted his head and looked down at Eric. Smiling fondly at him, he exasperatedly said, "You idiot."

Then leaning down, he kissed him gently, sighing happily when Eric kissed him back.

***