Title: My Last Breath
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at the man sleeping next to him. It had taken a long time for Ryan to fall asleep; Greg was sure that he was trying to avoid the horrible nightmares that seemed to get worse with every passing day.

He himself was having a hard time sleeping; he wanted to be awake and aware in case Ryan was attacked by one of his nightmares. Since most of those horrific dreams seemed to be about him, the least he could do for his boyfriend was to be there to soothe them away.

It was all very well and good for him to have Ryan's back when they were working, but how was he going to be able to protect his boyfriend every second of every day? True, they were together almost all the time, but it was still unreasonable to think he could do that.

He would protect Ryan until his last breath, even if it meant throwing himself in harm's way. He wasn't going to let that bastard get anywhere his boyfriend if he could prevent it; he'd shoot first and ask questions later, if it came to that point.

And what would that accomplish? a voice in the back of his mind piped up. Greg tried to push it away, but the question pounded through his brain; he couldn't lock it away and ignore it. Closing his eyes, he let it open itself to contemplation in his mind.

If he sacrificed himself to protect Ryan, then his boyfriend would end up going through the rest of his life mourning. He knew Ryan well enough to know that he would probably find another lover -- or even several -- but he would never let himself truly love anyone again.

He wasn't going to condemn Ryan to that kind of unhappiness. So he would have to be careful even while he was doing his best to protect his boyfriend. He wasn't going to make the man he loved go through life with only memories for comfort.

Greg swallowed hard as he forced himself to contemplate what a life without Ryan in it would be like. He'd only have his memories of their time together to keep him warm at night -- even if he had other lovers, he wouldn't let anyone get as close to him as Ryan had been.

He couldn't do that to Ryan, not if he wasn't willing to face it himself. Just the thought of losing the man he loved brought tears to his eyes; he wasn't able to stop a few them from trickling down his face before he raised a hand to quickly wipe them away.

One teardrop splashed against Ryan's cheek; before Greg could brush it away from his lover's skin, Ryan stirred and opened his eyes, raising his own hand to feel the wetness on his cheek. He was awake in an instant, sitting up and looking at Greg, his brow furrowing.

"Greg, baby, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling Greg into his arms. His lips were on Greg's cheek, one hand stroking his hair. "Did you have a bad dream? What?" His arm tightened around Greg's waist, holding him close, his breath warm against the other man's skin.

"Ry, I'm okay," Greg whispered, swallowing hard before he could speak again. "I was just .... I was thinking about what it would be like to go through life without you if anything should happen to you. And I kind of got upset just thinking about losing you."

"Why would you be thinking about something like that?" Ryan asked, his brow furrowing again. "I'm not going to let that bastard intimidate me, Greg. I'm more worried about protecting you. I don't think he'll come after me again. He'll go after the person I love."

"Because he knows that would hurt you a lot more than anything he could do you," Greg murmured, his heart starting to pound. "He wants to throw you off balance by making you feel like he'll go after me, Ryan. You can't let him do that to you."

"I'm not going to let him get anywhere near you, Greg." Ryan's voice was firm, his words decisive. "He's not going to get to either one of us. I'll make sure of that, even if I have to let everybody we work with and the whole police force know that we're a couple."

"If you do that, then we won't be able to work together any more," Greg told him with a sigh, shaking his head. "That's not the best idea of how to protect me. We'll just have to be a lot more careful than usual, and be sure we're watching out for each other."

"I guess that's all we can do," Ryan said, sounding as though he accepted that fact with great reluctance. "But you have to know that I'll protect you with my last breath, Greg. No matter what happens, I'm not going to let any harm come to you."

"I feel the same way about you," Greg whispered, his throat tightening. "That's what I was thinking about that made me cry, really. Thinking that if you protected me to your last breath, then I'd have to go on with the rest of my life alone. And I couldn't deal with that."

"So what would you do? Try to join me?" Ryan sat up, taking Greg's face between his hands and gazing into his eyes. "Greg, promise me you won't do anything like that, even if something does happen to me. I wouldn't want it. You know I wouldn't."

"I know," Greg managed to whisper before his throat closed and he could no longer speak. He buried his face against Ryan's shoulder, letting the tears come, knowing that his boyfriend would understand why he was crying and not question it.

Ryan didn't say anything; he only moved his hand up and down Greg's back, trying to soothe him. He was murmuring words that Greg couldn't hear; all he could concentrate on was the fact that Ryan was near, that he was being held, that they were together.

How had this happened? He had thought that he would be the one comforting Ryan, and instead, his boyfriend was holding him and rocking him as though he was a child who'd had a nightmare. And he was clinging to Ryan, crying as though his heart would break.

If he ever lost Ryan, his heart would break. It would shatter into millions of tiny shards; he would never be able to put even a few of the pieces back together again. He might be able to go on living, but he would never be able to repair the emotional damage.

When the tears finally slowed, he lifted a hand to wipe at his eyes, then raised his head from Ryan's shoulder to blink at his boyfriend, feeling a little embarrassed by his loss of control. "I'm sorry, Ry. I didn't mean to blubber all over you."

"It's okay, babe," Ryan said quietly, not releasing Greg from his embrace. "I think you needed to get that out. We're both feeling pretty vulnerable, and that's understandable. I know this has shaken you up a lot more than you've let me see."

Greg nodded reluctantly, wondering how Ryan had been able to see that. "You know me too well," he murmured, realizing for the first time just how open he was to this man. He didn't have secrets from Ryan, but he'd hadn't before known just how well Ryan could read him.

"Not too well," Ryan corrected him with a slight smile. "It's because we're a part of each other than I can read you like I can, Greg. You're the same way with me, y'know. Nobody else can tell just how I'm feeling the way you can. Nobody's ever been close enough to me."

"I'm honored that I'm the one who is," Greg told him, taking a deep breath. "I meant what I said, Ryan. I'll protect you until my last breath. We're just going to have to watch each other's backs even more than we already do, and hope that last breath isn't coming for a long time."

Ryan nodded, looking somber. "I feel the same way. I'll protect you from anything, no matter what the cost might be. To myself or to anybody else. But I hope it's never going to come to that. Still, if it does -- then we'll both have to deal with it."

"I don't know that I could deal with going through the rest of my life without you," Greg said, his voice threatening to break again. "But if I have to, I'll try. I can't say that I will -- but I'll give it my best shot, Ryan. Just because you'd want me to."

"You'd have to at least give it a shot," Ryan told him, his voice soft and husky. "Because I would. I'd hold my memories of you close forever. And I'd love you until I took my last breath." His voice faltered on the last words, thick with unshed tears.

Greg couldn't say another word; all he could do was brush his lips against Ryan's in a soft, gentle kiss. They lay back against the pillows with their bodies entwined, their hearts and souls expressing feelings that needed no words for each of them to understand.

***