Title: No Looking Back
Author: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Table: writers_choice
Prompt: #450, Never look back
Author's Note: Spoilers for the S7 CSI: Miami episode "Wolfe in Sheep's Clothing."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing him for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ryan looked around the hotel room he'd checked into in Las Vegas, feeling a little disoriented but knowing that would go away quickly once he got used to the feel of the place. He was finally here, ready to start the new life he'd decided to embark on.

It had been a long drive; he still felt cramped from being behind the wheel of his car for so long. But that would vanish soon, too, once he'd moved around enough to work the kinks out. And then he'd be able to do a little exploring in this place that would be his adopted home.

It still felt odd to be in a new place; his body hadn't quite gotten used to the different time zone, either, and he knew that would catch up to him before too much longer. But it was only a two-hour difference, so that should be something he got accustomed to quickly.

Vegas! It was a place that he'd dreamed of and had always wanted to visit -- and now he would be living here, working in the Vegas crime lab. It was one of the best in the country -- and also one of the busiest. He wouldn't have time to miss Miami.

Not that he would, he thought, wincing. No matter how much he'd done there, how he'd tried to fit in, he'd always had the feeling that he never would. His colleagues there had cared about him in their fashion, but he'd never really managed to become a part of them.

Even Horatio, as much as he'd said that he didn't want to lose a good CSI, had seemed more than willing to let him go in the end. That had made him feel even more as though he was doing the right thing by coming here, putting the past behind him and starting fresh.

The only person who had really seemed sorry to see him go was Walter; the two of them had developed a close friendship during the time they'd worked together, and Ryan was sorry to leave him behind. But he had to get out of Miami; it was past time.

This was what he'd wanted to do for a long time, to start a new life, to leave the past where it belonged and never look back. He would never have the chance to do that in Miami; all of his past mistakes would follow him, no matter how far into the future he went.

He would always be the person who had replaced Speedle, never a full-fledged CSI in his own right, at least not in the eyes of most of the team that he worked with. Even though there were a lot of new people in the lab, he would always be the new kid on the block.

He'd grown tired of that attitude, and with all that had happened in the last few years, he knew that he had to get out of that atmosphere. He loved his job, and he liked the people he worked with, but things were never going to change. He knew that now.

Leaving Miami and never looking back, or having regrets about what could have been, had been the best thing he could do for himself. And now, it was time to let the new life he'd worked so hard to move into begin. He was here in Vegas, with the past far behind him.

Of course, everything that he'd done would be in his file. His past wouldn't be completely erased -- nor did he want it to be. He was proud of the work he'd done with the Miami crime lab -- even his mistakes. After all, they'd taught him some valuable lessons.

He wouldn't make those same kinds of mistakes here -- though he had to admit that a lot of what had been looked at as mistakes, he would do over again if the situation arose. Some of the things he'd done that had been viewed in a bad light were things he'd done for the right reasons.

If he hadn't gone along with the Russian mob when they'd kidnapped and tortured him to force him into doing what they wanted with evidence from a crime scene, an innocent child could have died. He wouldn't change what he'd done in that case, not for any reason.

Ryan had to admit that there were incidents from his past that he was ashamed of. The gambling that had been a problem for a while was high on the list -- and he'd had his doubts about moving to a city like Vegas, given the temptations that would surround him.

But he had to put that behind him, too, didn't he? He could never look back at that part of his past; if he did, it would take him over and rule him. He had to keep looking ahead, focusing on the life he wanted to create for himself, and not let his past mistakes get in the way.

Sitting down on the bed, Ryan looked around him, wondering for just a moment if he was sure that he'd done the right thing by coming here. Vegas had the possibility of bringing out some of his faults; he could be lured back into old habits that he didn't want to let surface again.

What if he couldn't resist the temptation to gamble? There were casinos everywhere; Vegas was a city that had been built on gambling. This probably hadn't been the best place for him to transfer to; there were too many ways for him to get into trouble here.

But if he didn't test himself, how would he ever know whether or not he had managed to put that temptation firmly into the past? He couldn't simply avoid everything to do with gambling for the rest of his life; that would be almost impossible, given the job he had.

Sooner or later, he would have to go into a casino, no matter how much he wanted to stay away from that kind of situation. He would have to be professional, striding into the future with the confidence that he could put his problems into the past and never look back at them.

That might prove to be a lot easier said than done, Ryan thought wryly. But he couldn't let himself have any regrets about the choice he'd made. If he did, it would be all too easy for his confidence in that choice to wilt before his new life had even started.

He couldn't let that happen. He had to keep moving forward, with no looking back at what he'd left behind with any sense of regret. Yes, he would miss the friends he had in Miami, and his family. But he could always go back to visit. They hadn't been left permanently in the past.

There would still be contact with his friends in the Miami crime lab -- cases that he worked on could very likely have leads that would point back to Miami. After all, both cities had a thriving gambling trade -- there were probably quite a lot of people in Vegas who'd come from there.

Miami iwasn't completely in his past. He still had ties there, and he knew that he would go back to visit. But he'd finally made the decision to put that phase of his life behind him; he couldn't look back and feel that he should have stayed. It was far too late for that.

This was going to be the best decision he'd ever made, the best thing he could have possibly done for himself. He had to believe that, had to believe that he'd taken the right path. He couldn't have regrets, not at this point; they would only hold him back from building his future.

He was here now, on the edge of an entirely new life. A life that he couldn't wait to start. Taking a deep breath, Ryan stood up, heading for the door of his hotel room. It was time to get out and explore Vegas a little, to plunge into this new life and never look back.

***