Title: Not a HERO
Author: PsychoticScam
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG-13
Warning/Spoiler: Lost Son
Summary: He see's himself as a faulire the complete opposite of a hero. Character Death. Angst. AU.
Author's Note: More angst on the plate. It's daily, now, lol. This, I guess, could be considered a drabble. It's all jumbled, though.

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hero /hiereu/ n. (pl. oes) 1 a a man noted or admired for nobility, courage, outstanding acheievements, etc. b a great warrior.

That's what you would find if you were to look the word hero up in a dictionary. And when people see Horatio Caine, they say,

"He's my hero!" or "What a hero!" But he doesn't see it that way. He see's himself as a failure; the complete opposite of a hero. He couldn't protect his brother. He couldn't protect Speed. He couldn't protect Marisol. He couldn't protect his brother--again-- and now, because of his failure, Ryan is gone too. Instead of age-old heroics, it's a modern day tragedy. Ryan goes to save the hostage--under his command--and with Horatio as his backup, freezes. For the second time. The cost: Ryan's existance. And that's what hurts the most. Knowing he killed him. With a rookie mistake that he shouldn't have made. But he tips his head straight and ignores the heat behind his eyes, refusing to cry. He hasn't for 20 years, and he won't start again. He stands in the observation level of autopsy, watching as Alexx wipes away her tears and begins the 'Y' incision, and with fortunate luck, his cell rings and the message is clear.

"It never stops." He mutters, glancing down at Ryan's lifeless body before leaving the room, his strides slow and calculated, his eyes glossed over in a facade that won't break. Not for another 10 years of failure.

People think his name should be defined as hero. But they're wrong. The proper definition is failure. But than again, heroes arn't flawless.

END

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