Title: He Noticed
By: Shacky20
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Genres: Angst
Warnings: None
Summary: This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Greg POV.

***

Not like this, is wasn't supposed to be like this. He had worked too long for this, for months, no years of proving himself to them all. Doing his job as he always had, plus the extra CSI training classes, and pulling double duty doing his job as the DNA Lab Tech, and trying to get into the field as often as possible. He had worked too hard and too long for it to be like this now.

But he had done it, proved he could to everyone, especially himself. They all thought he just was the "CSI Wannabe" when he knew better. Nothing got in his way. Not the two years it took to convince Grissom to put him in the field. Not the extra work trying to be both a trainee and tech. Not even being blown through the lab by someone else's careless mistake. The mistake that almost cost him his life, his career, everything, but he even pulled himself through that, and somehow it drove him harder, to prove to himself and them all that he was capable. But that one careless mistake also became his greatest blessing. It showed him that he was human, and that life was short and not to be taken for granted, so when Nick offered to let him stay at his place while he recovered, he took the chance, and he was grateful for the friendship that was offered. At least someone noticed how hard he was trying, at least he felt somewhere in this desert that had somehow become his home there was someone who noticed. There was always Nick, when everyone else looked at him like he didn't belong, or was a little to eccentric for a place like the DNA Lab for the Las Vegas Police Department. The way Nick always treated him made the desert feel like home, like that is where he belonged. Never judging the loud music, the wild clothes, the hair style of the month, but always there if needed, letting him know there was someone there who noticed HIM, for more than just the outside.

It all started out innocently enough, one friend helping the other in need. Through the long painful nights when he could never sleep because he hurt too much to lay down, his friend would stay up with him, not for pity, but to remind him that someone noticed. Helping him change his clothes when he hurt too much to change his clothes by himself, or do the simple tasks like trying to do his hair just right. Who would have ever guessed that Nick already knew just how Greg liked it? Who would have guessed that Nick knew just what Greg liked for breakfast, or in some cases lunch, when he arrived back at his place after a late shift, or a class. Who would have known that Nick knew just what kind of ice cream Greg liked when he was having a late night craving on those rare nights off? Who would have known that Nick already knew when to leave Greg alone when he was having a hard time dealing with it all, or when he needed a friend to listen to him say how difficult is was seeing all of those things in the field that he only saw in envelopes or on swabs. But one day Greg realized something that part of him knew all along, Nick always noticed.

After that blessed mistake, Greg slowly made himself a new home at Nick's. He hadn't meant to, but the day he decided it was time to go home, Nick gently reached behind his newly healed neck, and said "Please don't go, I know now." It started out as a couple of shirts here, and his CD's slowly made there way over also. But ever so slowly. A gentle brush of their hands here, then an arm around the other man's shoulders there, but ever so slowly. Their times off together now where spent at home, and their cases at work seemed more exciting. He was getting close, so close, he was being noticed. They couldn't help but notice, all of them. He loved his work, he was in the field full time now that he had found a suitable replacement, and then there was Nick, his beautiful Nick. As much as he loved his work, he loved going home even more. Whether it was falling into bed with his lover from complete exhaustion and waking up in his arms, or taking slow leisurely showers together after long difficult shifts, trying to scrub the dirt and stench of death off of each other. This was it, all he had ever worked for, and he had ever wanted, he hadn't realized how bad he wanted it until it had happened. Everyone now noticed the spring in his step, the smile on his face, the pride and sense of accomplishment, plus the love in his heart, and devotion from that man with whom he not only shared his home, but a life now. More than he ever dared dream possible when all of this began with a trip in the field which had gone terribly wrong, but had now led him to this moment in his life.

But all of that had changed now, and it wasn't supposed to be this way. He should have known, nothing this good could last forever. The different hours were starting to take their toll on their relationship. The long hours now overlapped, and he hated waking up alone in their bed because Nick had already gone to work hours earlier. No more working side by side, no more in depths discussions about absolutely nothing while waiting for evidence to process. No more flirting with each other that no one really noticed, only the one person which ever did notice was no longer there, so it didn't really matter anymore.

All of those years, he had come so far and accomplished so much, they had finally come so far, he thought as he walked into the locker room where he saw his lover packing up to go home for the night, only his night was just beginning.

"Hey Nicky, how was shift? Nothing too exciting I hope." Greg was secretly wishing.

"Hey G, nope, saving the good stuff for you. Just got a 419 over at the Palms, looks like it could be another long one for you guys tonight."

This wasn't how it was supposed it be, they were supposed to be working side by side like the always had. Even when he wasn't in the field, even when we was just the Lab Rat, Nick noticed. They were supposed to be going home together and washing the smell off of each other and then falling in bed for a long morning of love making before sleep, then waking up for a little food and then start all over again. Partners in everything, they had worked too hard for it to be like this now, just slowly slipping away. It made him almost long for the days of Lab Work and barely there flirting only they seemed to notice. It was easier than watching his lover walk out of the locker on his way home, to their home, alone.

"Have a good night Nick, I'll uh, I'll see you when I get home."

"OK Greg, I'll see you later.", as Nick patted him on the back as he left Greg standing there.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be, "Damn You Ecklie."

***

This wasn't how it has supposed to be, he thought to himself as he walked out of the locker room by himself after telling his lover goodnight from the Crime Lab instead of in their bed . After everything it took for them to get to this place, in their careers, in their lives, this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

I had always watched him from afar, never getting too close, never letting him catch on that I really took him seriously, actually noticed him. He was always trying to prove himself to everyone, showing off his intelligence to whomever would listen to his presentations after his findings. No one seemed to treat him with the respect that he deserved, either brushing him off like an annoying little brother, or making him feel like he was failing them when the evidence he processed wasn't what they were hoping it would was. But I always noticed, but I would never let on. I took up for him but he never knew, for some reason I always felt protective of him, but I convinced myself I would do that for any of my friends. His intelligence always surpassed my expectations, but he wasn't supposed to be smarter than us, he was too young and too immature to be nothing but a "CSI Wannabee", but I was wrong. We all falter in the field one time or another I tried to tell him, but for weeks after that first trip into the field, I could see the defeat in his eyes, his enthusiasm deflate for what he felt was a failure, but what I saw was a young man becoming something more than anyone thought possible, and I noticed a change. No one else seemed to, but I always noticed him, but I would never tell. I would just notice quietly from afar, daring to flirt and laugh, let him know he didn't have to prove himself to anyone, especially me, I always noticed him, I thought he knew.

I remember the day the world came crashing down on me literally. I had seen Greg in the Lab not five minutes before as I walked into the AV Lab when the floors and walls shook around me and I felt the heat streak from across the hall. When I gathered my thoughts and realized what had happened, I ran out of the room to see orange and yellow dance around the lab. The loud alarm system and water splashing in my face brought me out of my shock, and I saw Sara on the floor, but when I saw her staring at something, I followed her gaze and what I saw shook me to the core. Greg lay there on the floor, and all I could see was glass all around him that sparkled like glitter from the flames of the fire, and it was then that I realized.

There were those long days and nights at the beginning, when he was in so much pain, but never gave in to it, never complained, because he knew it could have been worse, he knew he could have died. He never asked for help or pity, so I would just sit up with him, and watch TV or play video games to help keep his mind off of the burns. He never knew why I was doing this. I began to come to think of my place as a home with Greg there instead of just a place to sleep in between shifts. I got to know another side of him I only thought I knew before, and quickly realized I never wanted him to go.

I remember the day he tried to leave. I prepared myself for it, knew it would come. He had his pride and didn't want to be a burden on me, he hadn't yet realized. I watched as he grabbed the last of his things and I couldn't do it, I couldn't let him go, I went to him and reached to touch his newly healed skin on the back of his neck and begged "Please don't go, I know now", and I slowly leaned towards him for the gentle first kiss, and when he kissed me back, I knew then, he now realized I always noticed him. Thank God he stayed, and our new life together started. Slowly at first, but we had all the time in the world I thought. I didn't know life could get much better. Didn't know true happiness until then. We would come home together and either take nice, long, hot showers together, and I would always gently and every so lovingly wash Greg's back, I always loved taking care of Greg. Or there were those mornings that we were both so tired that all he and I could manage to do was fall in bed together and sleep wrapped up in each other all day.


They all began to notice then. He worked extra hard doing two jobs that normally one person couldn't do. He finally started earning the respect he deserved from the rest of the CSI's. He had to work twice as hard as a normal trainee, playing catch up while also being our Lab Tech. The strain had started to show, the confusion on his face at how cruel the world could actually be when he emerged from behind the Lab and out into the field full time. But that made coming home together all the better. We all watched with awe as the young, loud, and sometimes obnoxious "know it all" lab tech became a CSI, something no one thought he was capable of, sometimes not even me, but once again, he proved us all wrong. People always had a way of underestimating Greg, but he always showed us.

But now that had all changed. We were forced to work apart now. No more lazy morning showers or breakfast out before we came home. And I don't think that I will ever get used to coming home to an empty house, alone. I still haven't gotten used to it being this dark when I leave work, and I don't think I'll ever get used to leaving the warm bed with Greg still in it, with the sun still up when I have to leave, and I don't want to have to get used to that feeling. The nights at home now by myself are so quiet. They remind me of my life before, before that horrible accident that somehow changed both of our lives for the better. They remind me of what I had been missing for all of those years, and almost make me long for nights when I could wander the halls and look into the DNA lab hoping to get a glance at Greg either being all serious and professional analyzing evidence, or the more flirtatious Greg that I knew as well dancing around the lab to some music that no one could name. At least back then I didn't know what I was missing, at least back then I could fool myself into thinking that Greg was just another friend, just someone who always dreamed big but never had the heart or the will to get what he wanted. But now all of that has changed, I know exactly what I'm missing, and what I'm missing the most was probably out at another nameless murder with Grissom and Sara, while I sit there alone in the dark. But now Greg is all over the house, his things, his clothes, his presence, just him, and I miss him.

As I lay here staring at the ceiling, I can't help but feel bitter, this wasn't fair, not after all of these years of hoping and waiting, and then finally having it all, just to have it taken away from you by someone who was just on a power trip from a promotion, throwing his weight around to prove a point that no one cared to here about, but we were all paying for now.

"Damn You Ecklie."

***

He tried to shut the door with as little noise as possible. He didn't know why, if Nick was asleep back in the bedroom, then the sound of him coming home and closing the front door wouldn't wake him up, but this was his little thing he liked to do. Coming home early in the morning, sun still coming up, and sneaking in to watch Nick lay there, in the bed sleeping. He always looked so damn good, and he hated to use the word adorable, but that is exactly what he was when he looked like that. His features relaxed in sleep, he looked so peaceful and young. Greg certainly didn't want to bother Nick with what had been weighing heavily on his mind since he saw him walk out of the locker room the night before.

He didn't really call it a 'perk' because that meant something good had come out of the situation, he liked to call it a 'consolation prize' instead.

Nick could feel Greg's gaze on him before he actually opened up his own eyes. He wondered how long he had been sitting there staring at him instead of shedding his clothes and joining in the nice warm bed.

"Quit that man, I'm I drooling or something?"

"No, I am enjoying my consolation prize, leave me alone."

"Oh, Ouch. Now I'm a consolation prize? You know how to brighten a person's day. I'm going back to sleep." Nick thought he would make the most out of this and maybe get Greg back in bed with him if he played his cards the right way.

"No Nick, God that isn't what I meant, you know me better than that. I was just thinking last night and this morning on the way home that there aren't many things I get look forward to since that jackass Ecklie split us up, but I do get to watch you sleep if I come in quiet enough. And you know me better than to think of you as that kind of consolation prize, but I was thinking as I walked back here that I really can't consider watching you sleep a perk since to be called a perk since it would have to technically be a 'Bonus' or an 'Advantage' and there is definitely not any advantage to coming home alone and watching you sleep in that big old bed by yourself, so I am calling it my own little personal consolation prize to this whole mess."

"Ok man, forget I asked, I forgot, 'Walking talking thesaurus', right, never ask you to define something. So, how was work honey?"

"First off, I am going to forget you called me that, second if you are going to try to commit murder and cover it up, at least make it a little more difficult than that. I mean, put a little more effort into covering up your tracks, and definitely don't 'type' the suicide note and leave your own fingerprints on it. And for goodness sake's don't leave behind ligature marks on someone who supposedly shot themselves. It hardly even took half of the shift to have him hauled into the station and crying like a baby about why he did it. It made for a damn long boring shift, I mean at least let me earn my pay."

"Well G, next time I will try and remind the perp that before they commit the crime to be more considerate of you and clean up after themselves better so you will have something to do so you won't be bored at work. Hey ouch, that hurts Greg, what are you doing man?"

"I am making up for lost time now shut up and let me vent, I'm on a roll here. I mean I was so bored I even processed my own evidence back in the Lab. I needed to feel more useful I guess plus it was kind of nice in a weird sort of way."


"What do you mean by nice?"

"You know, nice, comfortable, almost relaxing in a way. Sometimes it is just nice to go back there, put on my lab coat and do my own thing in there. It is what I have always known since I first started this job, it's like when you go back home to visit and sleep in your old bed again. It is comfortable, familiar, and nice, but that doesn't mean you would even want to move back home and live with your mom and dad, but that doesn't make it a nice place to visit every once in awhile, you know, remember where you came from."

"Whoa, hold on a second here Greg, you are sounding a little homesick for a certain place right about now. Are you having second thoughts about this whole CSI thing?"

"Oh no, no, not really. I mean it is what I always wanted right? The odd Lab Rat who couldn't really do it even if he tried. It took me over two years to even convince Grissom to even put me in the field Nick, and I tried, I tried so hard to be everything all the time to everyone. Got my act together, proved to them all that I could be serious enough to be trusted out in the field with the evidence, plus still go back and process it all as the Lab Tech. I worked so damn hard for this Nick, I showed them all I could do everything, be everything to get to this point, I just thought that somehow it would be better than this, just feel more than this. I mean, have you even wanted something so bad that the time it took you to get there, to work for it was almost better than the thing itself, just because no one thought you could do it, not even yourself some days. Those days way back when, when giving in to that drug induced haze I was in after the explosion would have been so easy, and it was so tempting, but I wouldn't do it, no matter how hard I wanted to, because I wanted to prove to everyone that nothing would stop, nothing, not even that. And now, here I am, finding myself back in the Lab because it is just easier sometimes, and some days it feels like home. Like the days when I could look up and see you walk in, with that grin on your face, and here I was with the secrets to the universe in my hand. And you would look at me with such hope, and we could laugh, and joke, you knew I think, how much I wanted out, and hard I was willing to work, what I was willing to give up to have it, but now I have to wonder if it was worth it, what have I gained really?" He promised himself he wasn't going to do this, he wasn't going to dump all of this on Nick, he had his own issues, he didn't need his as well. But once it started, he couldn't help it, and it all just came out Then he felt the warm wetness slide down his cheek, and damn this was so not how he pictured this morning.

"Hey Greg, no matter what it feels like now and how hard it can be some days, always remember this, I know. I always knew, and I always noticed how hard you worked, and how hard you sacrificed to become a CSI. I remember those days when you would drag yourself into work after class, or studying extra hard to catch up. I knew how much you wanted this, to show everyone that you could do it all. I know how much it hurts when your coworkers don't have faith in you to believe that you're not up to the job. But I always knew, maybe I should have said something before I did, but now you do know, and even though it has been difficult and things have gotten in your way, I wouldn't change a thing because if I did, then maybe you wouldn't be coming home to me now and instead you could be going to your old place all alone. So maybe it is a little harder now, but I still wouldn't want it any other way."

And this wasn't fair, because Greg was on a roll, and Nick just took away all of the pain and frustration of the nightshift with just a few words, and he wasn't supposed to be able to do that. But all of that other shit didn't seem to really matter when he was looking down at Nick in their bed, and he looked so damn good, with eyes full of love and understanding at the anger and frustration of it all. He did understand, how could he ever forget, Nick always knew.

"I'm sorry Nick, but I can't help to wonder if it all was worth it. I mean look at where it has gotten me, us. I can't help it, I hate this whole damn situation, and I, I miss you." He said the last so softly that Nick could barely hear him. Greg hated sounding so pathetic, but he didn't know what he wanted anymore and wasn't sure if maybe he just should have stayed in the Lab, at least there he knew who he was, what his job was. He had confidence in himself and knew he was the best at was he did there. Out there, it was more exciting, but he decided excitement wasn't always a good thing.

Nick couldn't stand it anymore and pulled Greg down close to him. "I know G, I know, I miss you too. But, I am NOT going to let this get the better of us. We have come too far to let something like this beat us. And I am not going to sit by and let you second guess yourself. Since I have know you, you have always talked big and dreamed bigger, but you always came through and proved that you could handle anything thrown your way, anything, so don't let Ecklie get the better of you now. We can do this, we will figure out a way. I love you too much not too." At this Gregs tears came faster, but he knew Nick was right and he wasn't going to let this get the better of him. Things won't be like this forever he knew, but some days they felt like it. As he gave in to Nick's embrace he sighed and crawled as close to him as physically possible. He would do anything, give up anything, and go through anything to be like this with Nick. Even if that meant not working together anymore, and even if that meant working separate shifts and living for those few hours in between and those rare days off together.

"You know it really isn't fair that you play like that, you're right . I love you too Nick, and I am certainly not going to give up on the best thing that could have ever happened to me. This is more important to me than any job or anyone thoughts about my capabilities, and certainly more important than whatever point Ecklie to trying to prove to everyone by splitting our team up." All the fight had drained from in and he felt himself starting to grow weary. Just as he started to relax enough to start thinking about maybe sleeping, Nick grabbed him and yanked him up and out of the bed.

"What are you doing Nick, I was just getting comfortable."

"Well, let's get you more comfortable then. First things first, let's get you out of these clothes."

Greg was liking the sound of this more and more, and Nick must have seen that in his eyes because before his thoughts could drift anymore, Nick put those thoughts to rest. "I mean a shower Greg, you look like use could use a nice warm shower to relax, and plus whatever it was you were working with tonight has followed you home, so let's get you cleaned up." Nick slowly started taking off his clothes while Greg stood there letting Nick do all of the work. He gently sat Greg down and took off his shoes and socks, unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, then pulled his t-shirt over his head. Then he stood Greg up and undid his pants, and slid them down and slowly stepped him out of his clothes and lead him towards the bathroom. He started the water, a little warmer than normal and took Greg by the hand and led him in. First he stood Greg under the warm stream of water and got his hair good and wet. Nick took extra special care to wash Greg's hair, taking extra time to massage his scalp in the process. He wanted to let Greg forget about the outside world at least for the next few hours. Not think about the fact that he had to be at work in eight hours while Greg didn't have to think about for at least a good fourteen hours. No, in here everything was just right, the way it was supposed to be. Nick turned Greg back under the spray and gently washed the shampoo out of his hair and turned him around again. He tenderly washed his back as he placed soft kisses at the base of Greg's neck. He didn't know if there would ever be a time when he didn't wince at the site of the scars on Greg's back, but somehow he wondered if that horrible accident never had happened if he would have had the guts to act on his feelings for Greg. Maybe he never would have realized how much he meant to him if he didn't almost lose him, but he felt guilty at being grateful for that horrible accident, but sometimes he couldn't help but be, because all the events in both of their lives lead them to this moment, this place in time where nothing existed but them, where nothing outside of these walls could touch them, and this moment in time was all that mattered to them both. It was more sensual than sexual, and Greg never felt so loved and cared for in his life. This really was all that mattered, and he could leave the whole rest of the world outside for the moments like these. He turned in leaned in for a nice long slow kiss with Nick. He couldn't help himself, he had to feel him, feel this. This was real, what mattered, and some days that was hard to remember, but he would try harder because what happened out there couldn't touch what happened in here, he wouldn't let it, they wouldn't let it.

As Nick stepped out of the shower he grabbed Greg's hand and lead him out as well. He gently dried Greg off and wrapped the towel around him, then around himself and followed Greg back towards the bedroom. They climbed back in their bed together and wrapped up in each other. Greg was now warm and feeling completely relaxed, he nestled in as close to Nick as he could and let sleep overtake him for the day.

Nick was awakened by the sound of his ringing cell phone. He fumbled around the area he thought he put in before he got in bed and grabbed it quickly.

"Hello?" Nick answered trying to wake himself up.

"Hey Nick, it's Grissom. I need you to come in a little later tonight for a meeting in the break room at 10PM." And now Nick was definitely awake because why the hell was Grissom calling him for a meeting so late.

"Um, OK. But Gris, why are you calling me?"

"Long story Nick, but I need you here. See you then."


And Nick was definitely awake now. What in the world was this all about now. He felt Greg shift next to him and turn towards him. "Greg man, get up, you gotta here this." Nick tried to shake Greg awake but wasn't succeeding. "Come on Greg, get up man, you won't believe who just called me." And Greg was awake now, the animation in Nick's voice told him something important must have happened. "What's going on Nick?" Just as he spoke the words, he was interrupted by the singing of his cell phone.

"Yeah, um hello. Oh, what's up Grissom?" Nick heard this and was obviously eavesdropping in on Greg's phone conversation with Grissom. "OK, no problem. Uh huh, yeah, really. All right, I'll be there, see you then."

"OK, spit it out, what's was that about? Grissom just called me and wants me in the break room at 10 o'clock for some kind of meeting, and last time I checked, Grissom wasn't my boss." Nick didn't want to sound hopeful but he couldn't help himself. Something was going on, and it was apparently pretty big if Grissom was calling him.

"Um, I, uh, it looks like there is a big pow wow tonight at the Crime Lab. Uh, I didn't get all the details, but Grissom said something about Sophia resigning, and about Catherine coming back to night shift. He wants to see us all tonight to discuss it." Nick couldn't believe how seemingly calm Greg was about all of this. He could hardly believe what he was hearing, and here Greg was just sitting there.

"Greg, don't you get it, do you know what this means?"

"Yeah, my consolation prize has been officially changed to an office perk." Greg grinned and kissed Nick hard. He felt like a teenager who was just given the keys to his parents car. Nick was right, it was all worth it, and if you just hang in there, it would all work out. Maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all.

Nick grabbed Greg and squeezed him tight, "Yeah, I think I can live with that. Welcome home Honey."