Title: I'm Not Mine To Give
Author: Jaxson K.
Pairing/Characters: Nick Stokes, Gil/OMC
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick didn't know he was asking for something he couldn't have.

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Nick sat at the water's edge, looking out over the lake. He was going over the conversation he'd had with Grissom just as their shift was ending. The more he thought about it, the sadder he felt. Tears threatened to spill over at any moment, but Nick really didn't care at that point. All he wanted was to find a way to ease the pain.

Nick had thought long and hard about confessing his feelings to Gil. In the end, he decided to just go for it, consequences be damned. Now, in the aftermath, he wished to God he'd kept quiet. When Gil had found Nick talking to Greg in his lab, he asked Nick to meet him in his office after shift. Greg looked at Nick as if to say,"you're in deep shit now, buddy!"

When the shift was over, Nick made his way to Gil's office. Gil was on the phone, but motioned for Nick to enter. Nick sat down in one of the chairs in front of Gil's desk and waited for the man to finish his business on the phone.....

"You wanted to see me, Grissom?"

"Yes, I did, Nick. Would you mind closing the door?"

Nick rose from his seat and did as Gil asked.....

"Nick, I've been keeping an eye on you lately, and I'm becoming a bit concerned....."

"Why are you concerned, Grissom? My work has been up to par, and I've gotten all of my reports in on time......"

"This isn't about your work, Nick. This is more about you personally. You seem preoccupied. It hasn't affected your performance here or in the field, but I've noticed that your interactions with various co-workers, and you just aren't the same Nick that I know. Why is that?"

Nick knew he was busted! While trying to decide how to approach Gil, he'd been jealous of Grissom giving anyone what he perceive as more attention than Grissom gave him. He was so caught up in trying to get Grissom to notice him that he was acting shitty to almost everybody......

"Gris, I could lie and say it's nothing, but I won't. I've had something on my mind for a while, and it's time I got it off my chest."

"I'll be glad to help if I can, Nick....."

"Here's the deal..... I've had feelings for you for quite a while, and I've been afraid to say anything. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I put a lot of thought into this, and I've decided that I think you should know how I feel."

Gil sat there trying to digest everything Nick had just said. He had no idea that the younger man felt this way about him. Part of him was flattered at Nick's interest. Now that Nick had confessed his feelings, the rest of him knew that what he was about to have to do would most likely hurt the young man, but there was no way around it.....

"Nick, please hear me out.....what I'm about to tell you is definitely not what you want to hear, but I must tell you. I'm flattered that you are interested in me, but I can't return your feelings. You see, I can't give you what you want because I'm not mine to give. I'm involved with someone, and have been for a while now. If I'd known about your feelings sooner, things might not be the same, but as you know, life isn't something you can go back and do over. Please know that this isn't personal....that's just how things are. "

Nick sat there feeling lost, embarrassed, hurt, and angry all at the same time. Tears of hurt began to fall, and he swiped them away angrily......

"Grissom, I apologize. If I had known, I never would have said anything....."

"Nick, you did nothing wrong. Your timing was just a little off, that's all....."

Nick looked Gil directly in the eye when he made that last statement, his heart shattering with every breath. It was all Gil could do to sit there and see the hurt in Nick's eyes.....

"Nick, I want you to know I'm very sorry about this....."

Nick stood, tears streaming down his face, walked over to the office door, opened it, and turned to look at Gil and said, "Not nearly as sorry as I am....."

END

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