Title: Not the First
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Las Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1drabble
Prompt: 32, Cherry
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Sometimes he wished that he had been a virgin when he'd met Ryan.

Greg sighed softly, turning over onto his side and contemplating the wall of their Paris hotel room. They'd made love not too long ago, and Ryan was sleeping peacefully beside him, unaware that he had things on his mind.

Somehow, it didn't seem fair to his boyfriend that he was the second man Greg had ever been with. He wished that Ryan had been the first.

Though that first time hadn't been of his own free will, Greg thought, grimacing at the memory. And it had been so long ago. He hardly remembered it now, to be honest, but it was still a black mark in his mind.

Ryan hadn't expected him to be a virgin, but he'd wanted to be.

There was something about the idea of being untouched, like a ripe, unplucked cherry, that he wished he could have given to his boyfriend. It would have felt good to him to know that Ryan was the only man he'd ever been with.

Greg knew that it didn't matter, that Ryan loved him no matter what, whether he was a virgin or not. None of that was important, not at all.

It was something that he shouldn't worry about, shouldn't even think about. He doubted that Ryan ever thought about it; his boyfriend was concerned with their relationship as it was now, not some idealized version of it.

And he was right, Greg told himself firmly. There was no need for him to fret about Ryan not being his first; if it didn't bother the man he loved, then it shouldn't bother him. After all, neither of them had expected virginity.

He didn't care that he hadn't been Ryan's first; in fact, he'd been happy to know that his boyfriend had some experience.

Of course, his case had been different, he told himself, thinking of that long-ago time when he'd thought that he was going to be murdered as well as raped. He shuddered, squeezing his eyes closed and pushing the memories away.

There was no reason to think of that time ever again.

If Ryan wasn't worried about the state of Greg's virginity when they'd first been together, then he wouldn't worry about it, either, he told himself firmly. There was no reason for him to. He was being ridiculous.

Ryan loved him exactly the way he was. It didn't matter that Greg wasn't an untasted cherry when they had first met.

Why was he even thinking about this, anyway? Greg asked himself with a wry smile. He seemed to just be looking for problems where none existed, and he needed to stop doing that right now. There was no sense in inviting trouble.

With that thought in his mind, he closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to claim him.

***