I'll Be Okay

Title: I'll Be Okay
By: cindyls1969
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Nick has some stuff to figure out about his and Greg's relationship before it's too late.

Nick’s an idiot and he knows it. He’s in his car, driving away from the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he knows it. And it’s all about fear. He is so fucking afraid to take a chance and because of it he’s losing what mattered most.

God, how did it all come to this? This morning everything was gold. He was in bed with Greg, snuggled up together, feeling safe and loved and then he blew it. All because Greg had asked if Nick would come with him to his folks for Thanksgiving. It wasn’t an unreasonable request and Nick knew it. Greg’s family knew about them. Greg had told them with his blessing. They had been together for a year and he knew Greg’s parents were fine with his being gay, and them being together.

But going there for Thanksgiving meant not going home to Texas, and not going home to Texas meant telling his folks he wouldn‘t be there. And Nick knew that for his parents, the only acceptable reason for not being home for the holiday was because he was going home with someone else, to meet their family. And how could he explain that he was going with his boyfriend to meet his family if his parents didn’t know Nick was gay?

It was so stupid. And now Greg was at a bar with the rest of their friends from work, friends who didn’t know about them because Nick didn’t want them to and Greg was far too easy on Nick and let him get away with it. Except now he wasn’t. And Nick was in his truck, heading back to his empty apartment, alone.

This mornings argument had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Greg had broke, getting out of bed and locking himself in the bathroom and Nick had sat on the bed, hating himself, hating what he was doing to Greg and feeling lost. He could hear Greg in the shower, and he had waited for him to come out.

When he did, he was dressed and his eyes were red, and Nick had no doubt that Greg had been sobbing in the shower. When he looked at Nick though, his face was full of love, but determined.

“Nick, I love you with all my heart, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of being in a relationship and feeling so alone. I’m tired of hiding, tired of you pulling away and I need to be with someone who isn’t ashamed of me or himself.”

Greg walked over and framed Nick’s face in his hands.

“And I’m begging you Nick. I need you to either be with me or leave me alone, because my heart can’t take being broken by you again.” He leaned in and kissed Nick softly and it felt like goodbye.

“When you get it figured out, let me know. I’ll be waiting, for a while at least.” Greg kissed him on the forehead and pulled back heading for the door, but he stopped and looked back. “Don’t make me wait too long Nick. I’ll wait, but not forever.”

He was gone, leaving Nick alone with the piss poor company of his own thoughts.

Nick pulled his truck over to the side of the road, stopping and putting his head down on the steering wheel. He needed to fix this.

The radio was playing softly and Nick’s ear’s pricked up as a new song started. Listening to the lyrics Nick, it slammed into him all at once. How lucky he was to have found Greg, how much better his life was now. Nick had felt so alone his whole life, never having had a relationship that lasted more than a few months, sex reduced to meaningless hookups with strangers because nothing ever felt right.

Nick had always been attracted to both men and women so when Greg had come to him after he had been rescued from that fucking glass coffin and confessed that he was in love with him it hadn’t freaked him out. He had always thought that Greg was adorable, but never really considered him as a romantic option because they worked together and he hadn’t wanted to screw that up.

After that though, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had tormented him until they had gone out with the gang from work for breakfast and they had both become so engrossed in talking to each other, that they had barely noticed the others leaving. When they had finally left the diner, Nick had taken Greg’s hand without thinking and Greg hadn’t objected. When they had reached their vehicles, Greg had shyly reached up and kissed Nick on the corner of his mouth, making him smile. They had parted with smiles and talk of seeing the other at work that night. Nick had gotten almost home when he abruptly made a U-turn and went back in the direction that Greg had gone. He pulled into the parking lot at Greg’s building and climbed the stairs two at a time, not thinking about anything but the need to see Greg’s face again.

Greg opened the door, standing there, shirtless, barefoot, jean’s unbuttoned, and he was the most beautiful thing Nick had ever seen. He had looked at Nick, sleepy confusion written all over his face, and Nick couldn’t help himself.

Nick had taken the few steps it took to be right in front of Greg, sliding one arm around his waist and guiding him back into the apartment and closing and locking the door with his free hand. Greg’s hands had come up to rest on Nick’s chest and he could feel the heat of his palms through his shirt and there was no way Greg couldn’t feel the beat of Nick’s heart because it felt like it was trying to beat it’s way out of his chest.

“Nick?” Greg said his name with such an adorable mix of hope and confusion that Nick slid his other hand around to the small of Greg’s back before sliding it up his spine and over the strange but tempting texture of scars that Nick promised himself he would explore later. He curled his hand gently around Greg’s neck and pulled him in so he could brush his lips across his, questioning, with hope of his own.

Greg responded by pressing closer and tilting his head, parting his lips and letting Nick inside. It was the sweetest kiss Nick had ever experienced. It started slow and patient but moved to needy and wanting, Greg’s one hand sliding up to curve around Nick’s jaw, careful, loving, the hand over Nick’s heart never moving.

They stood there kissing for what had seemed like hours, by Greg’s front door, both making hot little groans that filtered out unchecked, until Nick realized that Greg was waiting for him to decide what was next. Nick had broken away long enough to reach for the bottom of his tight black t-shirt and pull it over his head.

Greg’s hands had dropped but now there were reaching again, landing on Nick’s arms, sliding up to his shoulder’s, one curling around Nick’s neck, pulling him closer while the other one went back to his heart. Their lips touched again and they lost a few more minutes and then Nick pulled back again, looking into Greg’s eye’s.

Nick reached up and clasped his hand over Greg’s and smiled. “Why do you keep putting your hand there?”

Greg blushed and looked down at his feet for a second before looking up again and answering.

“It’s so I can feel your heartbeat, so I know you’re really here.” He looked down again and continued.

“I dreamed about this for so long Nick. My dreams got the better of me sometimes, and I woke up disappointed and alone.” He looked up at Nick with so much love that it made Nick a little ashamed of all the time he had wasted since he had found out that Greg cared about him.

“But you’re really here now, right?”

Nick had pulled him against his chest, hugging him tight. “I’m here G, and you’re not gonna wake up alone, I promise. And I hope you won’t be disappointed.”

He could feel Greg chuckle against his chest before pulling away and grabbing Nick’s hand. “Let’s find out, shall we?”

He pulled Nick toward the bedroom and Nick followed willingly, footsteps stuttering to a halt when Greg stopped at the door and looked back over his shoulder at him. smiling. Nick heard the sound of Greg’s zipper and then the jeans he’d been wearing were pooled at his feet and Greg was standing there naked. He had just thrown his jeans back on when Nick knocked on the door.

Greg smiled shyly again and walked into the room leaving Nick to decide whether to go forward or not. Nick toed off his shoes and undid his jeans, sliding them and the boxers underneath off along with his socks. He took a deep breath and walked into the bedroom finding Greg in bed, lying on his side, covered to the waist in a sheet watching the door.

The look on his face when he saw Nick was almost heartbreaking in it’s joy and relief. Nick walked up to the bed and Greg scooted over, lifting the sheet to let Nick slide underneath, but Nick just pulled the sheet back and laid down beside Greg, close enough so that their foreheads touched.

“Hi.” He breathed the words out over Greg’s lips, a soft, reassuring smile on is face.

“Hey.” Greg’s voice was just as quiet but when he smiled, it was like the sun coming out.

Nick reached out and wrapped an arm around Greg’s waist and pulled him close, so they were touching all the way down. He nudged a leg between Greg’s, tangling them together.

Greg snuggled in as close as he could, head on Nick’s chest, over his heart and he ran his fingertips over Nick’s stomach, drawing whimsical patterns over the soft skin and hair that grew there.

“Greg, we don’t have to if you’re not ready. I’d be just as happy just to lay here with you until we had to go to work.”

Greg pushed himself up onto his elbow and leaned into to kiss Nick fiercely. He slid a leg across Nick’s hips and then moved to straddle him.

“I have you here now, and I aim to keep you here. You won’t be disappointed either you know.”

Nick grinned at the mischievous glint in the lanky man’s eye but whatever remark he was going to make was turned into a moan when Greg shifted his hips back, bringing their cocks into perfect alignment.

The first touch was like sparks being struck from a match. Greg threw his head back, a low broken moan falling from his lips before leaning down to crush his mouth to Nick’s. He licked his way into that warm soft mouth, their tongues battling for dominance, before kissing his way down Nick’s jaw. He bit down on an earlobe, reveling at Nick’s groan and then licked the sting away.

“You’re so hot Nick.” The words were whispered across damp skin, causing Nick to shiver. “I can feel your muscles moving under your skin. So strong I bet you could pick me up and carry me, couldn’t you?”

The image that popped into Nick’s brain of Greg’s legs wrapped around his waist, Nick holding him up, had Nick bucking up trying to get more friction against his cock.

“Want you to fuck me Nick. Need to feel you inside me. Wanna be able to feel you tomorrow.” Greg started kissing his way down Nick’s sculpted chest, stopping to suck a nipple into this mouth, biting down on the darker skin and smiling at the hiss he got from Nick.

“Can you do that Nick? Can you fuck me and make me feel it tomorrow?”

Nick reared up and grabbed Greg around the waist, flipping them both over so that Greg was on the bottom. “Guess you’re gonna find out, aren’t you Greg?” Nicks voice was a growl that ran down Greg’s spine, causing his cock to twitch.

It was Nick’s turn to touch and to taste. He kissed and licked every inch of skin on Greg’s torso, sucking small bruises into his belly and hips, marks that made his heart beat faster at the thought of them being there for days, marking Greg as his.

When his mouth reached Greg’s cock, he licked his lips before swallowing him down in one fell swoop. God, Greg tasted good. Nick had always liked giving head. It made him feel powerful but at the same time, he felt like he was taking care of someone when he did it. And he was good at it.

Greg’s cock was longer than his but not as big around and when he felt the tickle of hair on his nose, he was happy.

Greg tried desperately to keep still, not wanted to choke Nick, but when Nick brushed his tongue over the slit on the top of his cock, Greg’s back arched up off the bed and he began to beg.

“Please Nick, I gotta…..gotta come. Need it please Nicky.” Greg’s voice was raw and strained.

Nick pulled off Greg‘s cock, smiling at the whimpered protest it caused. “Shhhh, I got yah. Gonna take care of you G, I promise.”

He flipped Greg over and slid a couple of pillows under his hips, leaving him at just the right angle for Nick.

Nick planted a gentle kiss on the swell of Greg’s ass and then using both hands, pulled his cheeks apart carefully, catching his breath at the trust that Greg was showing in him.

“Nick…” It was a plea for mercy that Nick granted. He licked a stripe from Greg’s balls the small opening to his body and then kissed the delicate skin there. He stuck out is tongue, using small kitten licks at first, pushing gently against the pink pucker of Greg’s hole, putting progressively more pressure there until he was sinking in with every pass.

Greg was squirming under him, rutting against the pillows under him, trying to get some friction where he needed it most.

“Please, please, please, please.” Greg’s vocabulary had been reduced to two words. “Nicky, please.”

Nick liked Greg begging, liked him calling him Nicky. He parted Greg’s legs a little more, sliding his thumb over the small opening and Greg stilled for a second holding his breath. Nick gently pushed his way in with his thumb and Greg started pushing back, trying to get more.

“Nicky, please, feels so good. Don’t stop.”

“Not gonna stop G. Just gonna get you ready for me. Can’t wait for my dick to be here. So tight, so warm. Gonna be so good to be in you baby.”

Nick licked his other thumb and it joined the first, stretching Greg carefully, and soon they were both more than ready.

“Greg, you got supplies?”

“D..drawer, bedside table, hurry.”

Nick found what he was looking for with one hand, the other never leaving Greg’s hip.

“Roll over G, wanna see your face.”

Greg did as he was asked, and Nick pulled a pillow under him, wanting him to be as comfortable as possible.

Nick slid his hand down Greg’s chest, over his abs and down to grip his cock, stroking a couple of times, smiling at the small needy cries coming from Greg’s mouth.

Nick opened a condom and rolled it on and then flipped open the lube, drizzling it on his fingers. He reached down and slid two slick fingers into Greg, crooking his fingers and rubbing gently over his prostate, watching as Greg’s eye’s started to roll back in his head.

Nick made sure that Greg was ready and then slicked himself up. He lined himself up with Greg and slowly started pressing in, trying to go slow, letting Greg adjust. He leaned down, planting his hands on either side of Greg’s head, kissing him as he slid home.

“Oh god Greg, feels so good, better than I imagined.”

“Nick, god damn Nick.” Greg was panting. “You imagined this?”

“Yep, all the fucking time.” Nick pulled back out, and then slipped back in faster. Greg squeezed his thighs against Nick’s sides, then slid one leg around his waist, using it to pull Nick in harder.

Soon they found a rhythm, Nicks hips snapping against Greg’s pelvis, Greg’s cock rubbing between them, finally giving him the friction he wanted.

“Gonna come Nicky, soon, you’re gonna make me come.”

The sweat was running down Nick’s face, dropping onto Greg’s chest. “Me too G. Come on, come for me.”

Nick reached between them, one big hand wrapping around Greg’s cock, pulling once, twice and Greg was coming, crying out Nick’s name. Nick managed four more thrusts before the feeling of Greg falling apart around him had him falling over the edge too, his orgasm rushing up to meet him, blindingly white behind his eye’s.

Nick collapsed half on Greg, half on the bed. He lay panting for a second, nuzzling into Greg’s chest before pulling out of Greg carefully. He went to the bathroom attached to the bedroom, disposed of the condom and wet a washcloth with warm water. He went back, cleaned up Greg, looking at him with fondness when he realized the younger man was almost asleep already.

He tossed the cloth on the floor and climbed back onto the bed. He laid his head on Greg’s chest, over his heart and snuggled in close. It was his turn to listen to Greg’s heartbeat. Greg put his arm around Nick’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

“You’re gonna be here when I wake up, right?”

Nick kissed Greg’s chest and wrapped and arm around his waist.

“Yep, I will, I promise.”

“M’kay. I’m sleepy Nick.”

Nick threw his leg over Greg’s hips and cuddled closer.

“Go to sleep G. It’s okay.”

Nick reached down and grabbed the sheet he had pushed to the bottom of the bed earlier and covered them both as sleep over took him.

Their first time had been amazing, and so had every time since then. Everything about them had been perfect, except for Nick being so afraid.

He sat in his truck, thinking about Greg not being in his life, trying to work with him and keep a professional distance and knowing he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be near Greg every day and not touch him.

He knew what he had to do. He started the truck up and headed down the road. He turned left instead of right when he got to his corner and forgetting about going home, he headed for the bar where his friend and future waited. He needed Greg and he was willing to do what he needed to keep him.

When he got to the door, he looked around carefully, trying to see where everyone was. He noticed them at a table in the back corner and tried to figure out the best way to do what he needed. He notice the DJ booth on the wall closest to him and made his way there unobserved by anyone he knew.

When he got there he leaned in and made his request to the DJ and the guy smiled and patted his shoulder. When the song ended and the next one started it was the opening notes of the song Nick had heard in the truck.

“This one’s for Greg.” The DJ’s voice startled Nick and he looked over at the table where Greg was and watched his head come up.

Oh my God
Something is wrong
I'm floatin' down a river where I don't belong
Without you
'Cause if I fall
Without you
Now I see
It's all clear to me
I could do a lot of things, but I could never be
With out you
'Cause if I fall
Without you
And you pick me up when I am down
And you make me smile
So hands up
Take it all away
If I got you then I'll be ok
I know, now everybody say
If I got you I like it that way

Nick could see Greg listening to the words, slowly standing up to look around. Nick moved to the edge of the dance floor and waited for Greg to see him.

Oh my God
Nothing is fine
I'll go a little crazy
'Cause I'm losin' my mind
Without you
'Cause if I fall
Without you
Come what may
All I gotta say
I could have a lot of fun, but I don't wanna play
Without you
'Cause if I fall
Without you
You pick me up when I am down
And you make me smile
So hands up
Take it all away
If I got you then I'll be ok
I know
Now everybody say
If I got you I like it that way
If I got you I like it

Greg swung around and caught sight of Nick and that same scared, hopeful smile was on his face and he moved to the other edge of the dance floor.

Nick spared a glance for everyone else at the table and saw Catherine, Sara and Warrick smiling at him.

Nick started toward towards Greg and he smiled, seeing Greg do the same.

With out you
I don't got a reason
With out you
I don't got a soul
For all my days
I live to praise
You make me wanna
Scream and shout it out
It's all I gotta say
Ahhh-nahhh
Hands up
Take it all away
If I got you then I'll be ok
I know
Now everybody say
If I got you I like it that way
Hands up
Take it all away
If I got you then I'll be ok
I know
Now everybody say
If I got you I like it that way
If I got you then I'll be ok
If I got you I like it that way

They met in the middle and Nick’s hands came up to cradle Greg’s face. He traced those beautiful lips with his thumb before leaning in to kiss him, putting every once of love he had into it.

He pulled back and wrapped his arms around Greg’s waist, pulling him flush against him.

“I love you Greg and I’m tired of being scared. I want everyone to know about you. I was never ashamed of you, ever and I hope you believe that.”

“I believe you Nicky.” Greg reached up, sliding his arms around Nick’s neck and pulled him down for another kiss. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Yep, never more sure of anything in my life.”

Greg’s smile was blinding in it’s joy and Nick couldn’t resist lifting him up and spinning him around.

They were both laughing, hugging each other, when they became aware of another sound. They both looked around and saw the rest of the table standing, clapping their hands and whistling at them.

They both blushed, but looking at each other, they knew it was okay. “Love you G.”

“Love you too Nick.” Greg kissed him again. “Guess we should go face them, huh?”

“I’m pretty sure they’re ok with it, if the cheers are anything to go by. But lets go have a drink with our friends, okay?”

“Only if you promise to take me home and fuck me senseless after.”

Nick leaned in and bit into the soft skin behind Greg’s ear and whispered “count on it”. No sense in him having the only hard on while they were sitting with their friends.

Arms around each others waist, they made their way to their future.